Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Johnson Univ, FL. He holds 3 Master's Degrees, including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 3 grandchildren.
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Type 9 sometimes aligns with this verse of a Great Mac Miller Good news "Good news, good news, good news That's all they wanna hear No, they don't like it when I'm down But when I'm flying, oh, it make 'em so uncomfortable So different, what's the difference?". Hence 9 would rather be not seen
Transmitter is a good way to call the 1 to 1.
I let chatgpt make a 12 week program for me to come out of my isolation. Week 2 now: Go out in the evening just walking where the people go out. That is already out of my comfort zone, but yeah there is no other way. Week 12 = Enjoy a night out, going for example to a club, a bar and a late night diner. Well, just take it step by step.
THAT is AWESOME
ENFP with ESTJ is just us using each other
It's interesting to see how different personality types interact!
Sx/Sp 3 ENFP here with a So/Sx 2 ENFJ 🙈🙈
THIS IS NONSENCE.
I think you mean: "Nonsense" :-)
Just a thought - from Biblical, Christian perspective - envy of type 4 - grasping for the shiniest thing - reminiscent of Satan "grasping for God's golden crown", Eve going for the forbidden fruit, the quarreling disciples asking who will be the greatest in God's kingdom - envy of religious leaders putting Christ down and putting themselves "on top" in His place. Part of our remaining sinful nature. We are a work in progress - all of us - not there yet.
Envy is like trying to grab the shiniest thing in a claw machine - you may never quite get there! But hey, we're all in this together, right?
You are right about that! I hate to ask for help. Sometimes people offer to help me and I say no thank you. I’m fine. I’ve never thought of myself as proud, but this shows it, even to me! I will not turn down anyone who offers to help me again! I need to get over my self. Thank you for your podcasts.
Thanks for sharing this.
Personally, getting to know me feels like I'm not that special. Especially bc it feels like most ppl care and value titles, people like to talk about their kids not even themselves and I don't have kids yet. or people prefer ppl who have this larger than life personality. Do other 5's feel the same? Fear rejection because we are maybe boring and weird?
yes i agree
I totally get what you're saying. We all have our moments of feeling like we're not standing out. Just keep being yourself!
Not expressing personal needs How the hell do you do tgat with inferior Te?why everyone expects people to communicate their needs clearly? Idc about other 9s but for me thats one of the reasons i dissociate from myself
Maybe we should just start a telepathy training program to avoid all this communication hassle!
"9s are good at mediating conflict" My friends get in conflict Me,sx9:guys,wait to make myself a popcorn😂😂😂
Thats incredible how you know all that
Thanks
Greed really that's interesting.
Right
Oh, I didn´t know that this was suppressing anger. I thought I was just very understanding. I always say things like "Oh, they didn´t mean it like that. They probably had a traumatic childhood and that is why they act that way..."
Right
Great thoughts in this video! Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome!
I was scrolling down the videos suggested to me on YT when the sentence "stop hiding from life" struck me and I thought "wow this is just for me" and then I suddenly saw it was your new video about FlVES, Dr Tom, and I AM A FIVE and had been waiting for a new type 5 video all the time, so thank you 🙏🙏🙏 God bless ❤
That is so cool.
This is me right now protecting my energy. No more free cookies and milk for selfish takers and parasitic people.
Right
Love your video!
Thank you!!
@@twlahue Welcome
We have been punished repeatedly for showing up authentically. We don't actually believe you want to know us, and we're happy in our isolation most of the time. The occasional pain of being left out is dwarfed by the pain of continual engagement. If you really wanted to know us, we wouldn't have to be the pursuers.
I think a first healthy step towards healing is to get rid of that typical victim identity saying that "we have been punished repeatedly..." It gives too much power to others, power that you actually have in yourself and should give to the world
Thanks for sharing.
A social blind instinct is a pseudo 5!
Is that a secret code for something awesome?
It happens bit by bit with each encounter that informs that you should be seen and not heard, that your voice doesn't matter, that your wants, needs, concerns and opinions don't matter, that you have no right to be except as you are wanted to be, that you only matter as a means to someone else's ends. You learn to contort, edit, and finally to erase parts of your features until little more is left but a rough chalk outline, all uniqueness and substance reduced to a faint gray smudge including the temperament that drove the desire for service and harmony. If it happens consistently enough, you learn not to trust others, or your own voice, and go through life with your song unsung - if it begins early enough, you miss the experiences that would even allow music to exist. How does one sing a song unwritten?
Your comment is so deep and thought-provoking. It's important to remember our worth and value our own voices.
It's so true though. But who wants to be like that. It's SO Hard when it's really not you.
Right
Never again
Fair Enough
I know this is an older video, but I appreciate it. I'm in this process now, trying and failing to find my files, trying to finish law school so I can leave the field because I don't care about it. I do find the "solution" of bringing my harmony, etc into the world difficult to swallow, because that's not seen as valuable by my society, and those kinds of jobs aren’t going to be as great financially.....I'm still struggling with it. But thanks for the video.
Glad to Help
Very inspiring as always, Tom!! Thank you so much, dude-- you've helped me so much
You are so welcome!
lol second grade ass message. 🤣
I like that I can talk shit to my husband. We both do it. The only time I get mad is when he goes a Lil too far making fun of my autism. Words like retard and slow gets him a big punch in the arm. Then he apologizes. I swear we're happy lol. It sounds bad, but if you can't let off a little frustration because you can't say anything to coworkers or people in the world, you will end up taking it out on your spouse in an actual mean way.
This stuff is better than therapy. I have changed so many bad habits and understand others so much better from this info.
WOW, THANKS!
Is batman a 5?
in some comics yes, but overall i think counterphobic 6 (just my opinion)
Love your videos!!!
Thanks
@@twlahue Welcome
Anyone else recognize that 9s have some traits common in BPD?
As a 2 w 1 I totally resonate with your description of this type!! Love listening and learning from you! Thank you❤
Awesome
I've been listening to this while I paint and had to laugh because of of your type 4 sin aka envy video where I subconsciously thought I'm not going to listen to dumb music I'll listen to something meaningful if I have to be here working. I digress. Apologies if anyone addressed this because I haven't had time to read comments. As a 4 I wondered during this video if it's possible to exist in three subtypes either at once or at different points in your life based on your personal experiences. I thought it was interesting that your daughter brought up T Swift, because rather than seeing her as social outward suffering 4 I see her embodying all three types at any given time and at different periods of her life. I believe certain subtypes have taken over and this is how I identify. For example, "well no one appreciates my martyr self preservation type or someone ignores my social aka suffering type then I can morph into angry sexual you will notice me type! It's not pleasant to think about.
Thanks for checking out the video
Tom: there is no right or wrong in any of the Enneagram types. There are healthy and unhealthy states (on a continuum) for each one of the 9 types. There is nothing to fix. Whats important is to be aware of the challenges one might encounter. And to have strategies to compensate for these challenges. This is true for all 9 types.
Yes
Tom: its very clearly and definately fear of being rejected
Thanks
I love this advice. Do you think 8s lack self-regulation-maybe too busy directing and protecting others to attune to their own mind, body, words and actions?
Thanks, Yes at times.
@tiffanythorne6740 the lack of self regulation is most common displayed on sexual 8 - they crave breaking boundaries. At times, they can live by " It is good to be bad" - self preservation 8 would feel out of control by acting the way - social 8 ( countertype) would see acting this way as a disadvantage for him/her and the group they belong
My favourite quote that I like to think about related to this topic is from C.S. Lewis “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
Nice...
Top notch! Thanks
Glad you liked it!
This is exactly what I'm doing, and it's helpful! I can end up in a rut.
You got this!
I ask myself "Who am I really?" every single day. The enneagram helped me to at least find out that I am not my ego. I just am. And every time I am present to the here and now, I feel like I am connected to the universe/God, and that is when I feel like my true self because it fills me with peace, love and harmony and let´s me forget about the sorrows of the past and the future.
Awesome
+
Thanks
Great advice in this video. Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome!
But Dr. Tom, there really ARE wolves close behind, big hairy scary ones with tailored suits and Gucci briefcases, growling "hey there little Red Ridin' Hood, you sure are lookin' good..." 😮 AAAAAAAAAHHH!
You Got This!
This was incredible!
Awe, Thanks