I love how some people are able to deny the existence of prejudice while at the same time being prejudiced themselves. "There's no prejudice against asexual people, and I hate you because you're asexual!". Someone needs to learn a little self insight, I think.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+Niobesnuppa I know, exactly! It's like--you can't say nobody hates you for being asexual and then spew a bunch of nonsense about how disgusting we are. You can pretend you're upset about it because we're pretending people hate us, but we can see right through that--nobody who just has a little problem with what they think is exaggerated perceptions of oppression/prejudice is going to go off like that ranting about how we need to die and are sad pathetic virgins.

Wow that was like a lesson in how many times a person could contradict themselves and prove the very point they were supposedly arguing against in a single paragraph. My family keeps asking why I feel a need to come out on FB to everyone about being asexual and it's this kind of ignorance that is a big part of why I do want to be open about it.

Congratulations on your 4 awards/nominations! You deserve them for all the exemplary hard work you've done.

I seriously laughed at this person's letter. Every cliche thing about asexuals was in it, and then, because they don't understand us, tell us to jump off of a bridge? XD Well, then I guess that would give us the privilege to start a movement!

That guy must have nothing better to do if he has the time to send that venomous, useless letter telling a group of people to kill themselves and that they don't exist.

As an apatheist agnostic atheist and gray asexual I am assumed to not exist by many ignorant people.

@wayfareangel

9 жыл бұрын

Jennifer Isaacs Okay, I am actually interested in this, so I gotta ask, don't agnostic and atheist contradict each other? This is my first time hearing the word apatheist, which makes it make a little more sense, but I could do with some explanation, if you don't mind.

@Chamelionroses

9 жыл бұрын

Depends on definition in that if one is gnostic or agnostic about things not mutually exclusive. However some feel that atheism automatically means some absolutes one way or another ( either being agnostic or gnostic would automatically come with such definition). Though even if there is debate on definition of atheism there are agnostic atheists. Also there is debate if atheists can be spiritual, believe in ghosts, or even attend a church of some sort as one. There is info easily researchable on such things many places.

@Chamelionroses

9 жыл бұрын

wiki.ironchariots.org/index.php?title=Apatheist atheism.about.com/od/Agnostic-Dictionary/g/Agnostic-Atheist-Dictionary-Definition.htm Here is a couple links to start. I also suggest the " religious tolerance" website.

@wayfareangel

9 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! I'm really interested in religion across the board, atheism included, so when I encounter something like this, where I have no idea what it is, I get really excited ^_^ Thanks for the links, and for taking the time to explain!

@Chamelionroses

9 жыл бұрын

wayfareangel thanks for asking and hope you find out all sorts of interesting things. :)

Someone used the very same comment against me concerning the Matthew Shepard murder as well. She is a lesbian and said, I can call my orientation legitimate the day one of us Aces gets tied to a fence and beaten to death, Until then I can take my fake bullshit somewhere else. ...Totally true story, the comment I got when I came out as Ace to a gay person I thought would understand. She was the first person I came out to, my mistake I guess. I only now mention my asexual orientation when with other asexuals. I just subbed to your channel. I've got a lot of videos to watch now. lol

The comment the guy left was one of those things in life which I'm not sure if I want laugh or cry after hearing. I mean, why waste all that time and energy trying to hate something you don't even understand, or barely know the definition of?

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Cyan McMillan Yeah, I agree. And it's peculiar to me that he bleated that nonsense about how asexuality is just like him needing a support group for not liking sports . . . completely ignoring that he knows he doesn't want/need such a thing and is yelling at people who DO want/need support for their situation. Guffawing over us having a group for "not doing anything" is like laughing at the same thing for people who have a support group for "not doing" drugs or alcohol or gambling or something. It's clearly something they want *support* for and are having problems in the world functioning without some guidance and solidarity.

I often wonder what goes through the minds of those which spout this kind of hate just because they don't understand our situation.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+KuroNeko Same. What exactly are they sacrificing if they listen to us or ignore us if they don't feel like listening?

@AnimeKuroNeko

8 жыл бұрын

I've confronted a huge lot that are similar to this, and often times I tell them if its not effecting them and their life it shouldn't be a problem. I've gotten into the habit of telling them that I don't go around saying their sexual behavior is inappropriate. That I just mind my own business, so why don't they? Some of course still troll, but I found others that quickly turn into gentlemen after the fact. Sadly a hit and miss situation.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+KuroNeko Good approach. I have had some luck with a similar argument. If they tell me I shouldn't be talking so much about a subject that's defined by a LACK of interest, I tell them that by their definition, something THEY have no interest in shouldn't be worth a comment. It's kinda funny how uncomfortable it makes them when they realize they invested attention and time in telling someone to shut up "because no one cares," but if they don't care, then they should take their own advice and not pay attention to me.

@AnimeKuroNeko

8 жыл бұрын

True. Think a lot of people get that confused. They say they don't care, and yet they respond. In fact there was a video that I ran into once that I personally was effected by. I commented how it was ignorant and sadly didn't make me wanna watch other videos by them. Looking back, I may of just ignored it for the best. But of course I had plenty of commenters trolling me after that, saying no one really cares etc. But really, if they hadn't cared, would they really be trolling? I often find some don't think about it that deeply.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+KuroNeko Personally, * I * don't think you should ignore things that upset you or that ignoring stuff is the best way to send a message. But if that's * their * approach to something they don't care about and they're snottily telling me that's what I should be doing if I don't like sex, then they need to apply that "ignore it if you're not interested in it" advice to their own damn selves! I do in fact think we should confront people who are doing and saying problematic things, and if they did it without realizing, they may be grateful for our intervention, while if you knew they were doing it to be hurtful and they'll be delighted at knowing they've hurt you, you might wanna avoid engaging. But someone needs to say something when someone's being a douchebag.

His comment deserved a movement to the trash bin!

That was a just a troll. shouldn't give them attention in my opinion.

@Chamelionroses

9 жыл бұрын

Troll or not one can state truth over fallacies. One can say things instead of give censorship. Humans are humans ... trolls are just as responsible for what they do and say as any one else.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Jennifer Isaacs I like that you point out trolls are also responsible for what they say. It's an indefensible position that a person said something incendiary and violent to me and I am supposed to laugh and understand that he's just trying to upset me, or interpret it as his win if I say anything. But even when someone's a troll, if they're saying the SAME EXACT THINGS that people who are against asexuality activism say, I don't really see the difference. Same for the people who keep saying gross articles making fun of us are "a joke" that we are failing to "get." We object not to humor in general, but to the fact that dehumanizing us and mocking us is still considered an acceptable punchline.

@Chamelionroses

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy I do not mind some bad publicity or opinions acknowledging asexuality exists. I mind however ignorance, but I do expect as long as humans exist there will be someone ignorant about something.

Yes, choose your battles wisely. :-) ... and how one chooses to "fight" them. Some folks are so heinous in their words and deeds, that, well, they don't deserve any notoriety or infamy (or increases to such) for the vitriol and cr*p they say and do. I think many, if not most or "all"(?) of "them" mostly do it for the (negative) publicity, to (try to) stir anger and a reaction, and to draw attention to themselves (probably because it's the only way they know how to get attention). I often think those that do heinous crimes, ... why even mention their names or show their photos? Seems it would generally be better if they mostly went down as really not much more than anonymous statistical blip of garbage - nothing really to be particularly paying more attention to ... other than some relevant legitimate research here and there to generally work to prevent such atrocities - but absolutely definitely not some circus to be put on parade before the public - seems many of such jerks really want to be center stage of such circus - again, as that's really about all the attention they know how to get ... well ... don't give it to 'em! At least *certainly* not like that and as they want it, that's for sure.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

***** Yeah. Though I think letting it be known publicly that we do face these attitudes and receive these kinds of messages is important to people understanding the pressures we face. Considering the whole "you're disgusting, you're fake and hurting people with your fakery, it would be better if you died" attitude is not incredibly uncommon and sometimes it comes from ~people we love~, I think it's a great way to show that people do get very angry about this when we're literally just minding our business.

@MichaelPaoli

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy Yes, to the extents it's useful/beneficial I quite agree! :-) E.g. if someone does some heinous act, not really much benefit (and often quite to the opposite) to give them any notice/popularity/publicity/infamy from the deed, but reasonably covering the general nature of what was done - sometimes even specific examples, and why they targeted someone or some group (if there was a "reason" or motive - regardless of it being (un)justified or not). So, e.g., if there's a problem, especially statistical and repeated, of say, certain individuals or groups attacking, say, folks with one orange eye and one purple eye - and for no other reason than that, makes sense to call attention to the matter that persons with one orange eye and one purple eye are being very unjustly attacked and that some folks are being nasty jerks about it. And yes, also quite annoying when the ignorant loudly and vehemently argue that something can't exist ... which plainly does - or likewise argue that something exists - which plainly does not.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+Michael Paoli I recently saw someone discussing a push to get asexual people to argue in the comments even though a lot of us say "dear God don't read the comments." The person arguing for this said even if decent people don't make these kinds of comments, there are a ton of people who READ the comments just for the popcorn. If we're able to show that there are reasonable responses for why these kinds of comments are ridiculous, we still change people's minds even if we don't change the commenter's mind. This is part of why I do what I do, too. I might not be able to succeed at convincing my detractor, but I sure can make an educational video that will show others the best arguments against what they said!

@MichaelPaoli

8 жыл бұрын

+swankivy "dear God don't read the comments" (or dear $diety_or_non-diety) ... well, I presume for most content creators, reading the comments requires a rather thick skin ... or at least minimally I'd think a rather resilient one. I think that advice is often given, e.g. to celebrities - regarding comments, most of the press/media coverage (and especially tabloids), etc. I do often tend to read comments :-) ... but I'm usually not the one having created the material being commented upon (but sometimes am). In general I find the comments interesting, informative, and sometimes even pretty entertaining. And ... when it's comments on my own stuff, I mostly learn (train myself to), sit back, take a deep breath, don't react too quickly, think about it carefully, and try to reasonably well understand the point the person is attempting to make and their motivations and perspectives - and that probably applies about triple to any particularly negative/critical/biting or general detractor (or harasser, etc.) commentary. And then figure out if it's appropriate - and/or even worth it - to bother to reply (only so much time & resource - have to prioritize). And I very much do appreciate seeing your comments! :-) Got to appreciate when content creator manages to take the time and effort to bother, and writes quality replies. :-) Hmmm, push people to "argue" in comments? That seems like generally the wrong move ... but sometimes a good spirited debate can be useful/informative (and sometimes even entertaining) ... but sometimes too those can degrade or spiral "out of control".

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+Michael Paoli Yeah, your reasons for reading comments are similar to mine. Yes, sometimes they're entertaining, and I am far past the point where people's critical and abusive comments can (usually) affect me emotionally. If they're well-meaning, I can tell the difference and take them into account or discuss with the person. If they're clearly designed to hurt and/or silence, I am much quicker on the block and purge button than I used to be--not because I want to "silence" my critics, but because I've learned to tell when someone is a bully versus a critic. They actually sound VERY different, and when it's ambiguous, you often only have to look at other comments to other content creators or engage them in one exchange to be sure. (For instance, sometimes people will claim their comments on my videos are value-free and just curious about scientific investigation, and yet you'll see on another video they say stuff like "wow, I feel so sorry for you as an asexual person, you'll never learn to love, pity that you're so pretty honey, because I would date you in a heartbeat, but it's too bad your personality disorder stops you from giving me a chance," etc.) As for the push to argue in comments, it's not an attempt to drag unwilling people into the fray so much as a call to action suggesting that it's actually not as much a hopeless, thankless task as it seems. Asexual people reading the comments but not participating in them are encouraged by seeing some of us reply back, and though many of us feel like it's a lost cause, it isn't as pointless as it seems. It's actually the same reason I offer responses sometimes to abusive and ridiculous comments. Even if I think the chances of me educating the person I'm talking to are slim to none, I do think our conversation can be used as an educational tool for others if it doesn't go well individually. But of course these exchanges are limited by the amount of energy and time each of us has to devote to such things.

Where did you get the comment from if you deleted it, exactly? I'm just wondering.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

TheMagnificentTrio I don't really understand this question. It was posted on my video. I could see it there for as long as it was posted. I frequently save the text of anything I might want for my records, even if I don't want to give its author a platform to post their violent rants on my work.

@TheMagnificentTrio

9 жыл бұрын

What I meant to ask was how did you recover the comment if it was deleted from your video (I now noticed that my wording was a little off). Because I know once you have a comment deleted it can't really be recovered. Now I know that you saved it, so my question has been answered. Also, I never got a chance to thank you for making these videos. You have really inspired me to stay true to myself and to defend my own personal identity. Thank you, SwankIvy :).

@TheMagnificentTrio

9 жыл бұрын

I would also like to recommend a topic for Letters to an Asexual. I noticed in one of our videos (Letters to an Asexual #20, I believe it was) someone said something under the lines of how you were wasting your time arguing with trolls because most people just say mean things to get a reaction. You then showed this person a link to an article on how "don't feed the trolls" is not a good strategy. The topic I recommend is your thoughts on the whole "don't feed the trolls" statement and why you believe it's not a good go-to statement; I am really interested in your thoughts on this topic.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

TheMagnificentTrio Yeah, I just save things even if I delete them from where they're posted. I sometimes save e-mails too. Also, KZread can be configured to e-mail content creators when they get comments, though the longer ones will sometimes be truncated in e-mails, so I have a record there too. I'm glad you've liked the videos! I don't know if I want to do a "why addressing criticism isn't about feeding trolls" video, but I'll have to think about it. The trolls aren't necessarily saying things they don't believe, either, even if they're saying stuff in a certain way to try to get a rise out of someone they want to upset.

Steven Universe shirt??

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Kasey S YES YES IT IS AND THE ANSWER IS THE SAME FOR MY LAST THREE "LETTERS" VIDEOS JUST LOOK AT THEM

@KaseyPlaysMC

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy OHMAI I SEE THAT NOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T NOTICE EARLIER ??? WAIT EDIT: So I clicked the Letters #27 because I hadn't actually seen that one, and you open with "Who likes my shirt" AJSDKNSDFLS WHAT THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE GUYS SOMEBODY POST THIS ON TUMBLR And wow! I just now noticed that Steven Universe is running on my TV RIGHT NOW ??? Where are the Tumblr people ?????? Also I see this happened prntscr.com/83288u

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Kasey S Holy butts that is the funniest/weirdest thing ever. I have several SU music videos on KZread too and post about the show on Tumblr fairly frequently. You can see some of my fan posts here if you're into that nonsense. swankivy.tumblr.com/fanstuff

@KaseyPlaysMC

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy Nonsense?? Tumblr is only 99% nonsense, and you might be part of either percentage, I have absolutely no idea! _~goes to tumblr~_

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Kasey S I mostly have an asexuality-specific blog but it is also a personal blog and stuff about writing or cartoons finds its way there. Since SU is so popular on Tumblr I figured they'd be a good audience for my ravings.

That was a just a troll. shouldn't give them attention in my opinion.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

ZogJhones "Just a troll" suggests nobody actually has opinions like that. "Just a troll" makes it seem like no one would actually say those kinds of things except if they think they're going to "win" by getting attention. "Just a troll" suggests it's more effective to be silent and let them scream and spread disgusting commentary about us instead of choosing well-placed times and opportunities to address the content of their harassment. They aren't harmless and they aren't "winning" anything if we show that they exist. But I definitely didn't feel like they deserved to get direct attention from me. Which is why I removed this one's comment and removed his ability to comment on my content. We don't need to give a platform to people to say things like this. But I'm not going to pretend they aren't saying them.

@SusanOnTVShows

9 жыл бұрын

ZogJhones Yes, they want attention but, they also ant to people to to know the name attached to that opinion. Ivy hs deprived this person of that by making it anonymous.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Susan Stanko Kinda. I do sometimes call them out by name on Tumblr. But I don't want people getting the idea that they can shout me down, harass me, and say overwhelmingly violent and disgusting things to undermine my message just because my comments section is open. I have been blocking/deleting more often than I used to, because even though some people will cry censorship, they don't know the meaning of that word. I am not required to give other people a platform to belittle and attack me and my message, especially when it's harassment. (People seem to think actual harassment counts as "criticism" and that if I delete it or block people for issuing it, I'm "unable to take criticism," but yeah, I've had criticism and that ain't it.) I'm confused as to how telling me I should die because I think I deserve a movement but also apparently am not worthy to be "fucked" by anyone in their "right mind" can be interpreted as criticism, but there you go.

@Chamelionroses

9 жыл бұрын

+swankivy so many cowardly bigoted trolls exist trying to bully. Thanks for standing up in truth of things.