It's so odd that someone can go through so much hate put against them, go into such a breakdown of it, and then not blink an eye and go on to do the same style of hate to a different group.

@swankivy

10 ай бұрын

I know, right? Good point! It's like she was saying "I've experienced hate and danger while being expected to be straight. But if you're asexual and not lesbian, I don't believe that you've been under any similar pressure or danger while being raised expecting to be straight. There's nothing wrong with US, but there actually IS something wrong with YOU, and it's obvious I believe that even while I give lip service to the idea that asexuality is valid! Yeah sure it's valid, I'm just also going to say insulting things about it, insist that its community members are generally homophobes and sexists, and imply that their desire to meet their own needs is actually more about hurting me!"

We're often confused for being homosexual. If you're a woman and not attracted to men for example, then people assume you have to be a lesbian. The concept of asexuality just isn't in most people's heads. I was almost murdered in Jr. High because people believed I was a lesbian because I said that I didn't see why some male celebrities in a girl's magazine that were supposedly "hot" were anything special. Some kids surrounded me on a balcony overlooking the lunch room and almost threw me off of it but ran away when some staff walked up.

@swankivy

10 ай бұрын

Horrible to hear you were put in danger by people who hated you for your orientation. I know what you mean--people are fond of saying aces don't experience danger or threats or really any kind of negative reaction at all except people "not understanding" or "not acknowledging" us, but it's not just that we're asexual; it's that we aren't heterosexual, and that is still dangerous. I once had someone decide they didn't like my content and "punish" me by publishing an accusation that I was most likely a pedo (insisting that I was "hiding something" and it was probably about diddling teenage boys), and published it online with my FULL LEGAL NAME in the article. Someone like that can just decide they want to ruin your life based on literally nothing. (I got a lawyer, quietly filed charges, and won the case. But still. I shouldn't have had to.) I have had death threats and rape threats and have been (mildly) assaulted once. Some people were STILL saying it was actually my fault because I'm the one "trying to get attention" with these videos. As if it's just an automatic result of being an activist that people will make a personal decision to threaten and harm you, and it's more my fault than theirs. Obviously ace hate is not JUST a result of being mistaken for gay either, but there is that crossover sometimes. I've definitely been harassed by people who were trying to make me "admit" I'm a lesbian.

@wendydomino

10 ай бұрын

@swankivy Thanks for replying. I'm glad you won your case. I didn't know I was ace back then either. A lot of people told me I was a late bloomer so until my 30s I assumed one day I'd magically want to date and/or have sex with men one day. Your videos helped me understand that it was ok to self-identify as aro ace and I should stop expecting to "bloom" and magically turn straight.

I remember seeing a few of your videos at least 10 years ago, probably longer. You must be one of the longest going KZreadrs!

I was made to believe I was immature, weird, unwanted and I believed it for years until I started to learn more about asexuality and finally found out who I am. I'm 25 so idk if it's too early or too late for that, but I'm proud of myself and fully accepted it and I have never felt safer. KZread recommended your channel to me. I feel like I'm listening to a friend who knows exactly what I'm thinking, it's like a big knot inside of me is finally undone. I'm going to stay for more and binge your videos now lol Also it's sad that the even in the queer community there are people who disregard us as a struggling minority. I don't even know how to explain how hard it is to fear loneliness yet not want any marriage or sexual relationship, especially in my country where LGBT community is not respected and asexuality is rly not recognized (the good ol' "you havent tried it yet so you dont know if you dont like it").

@swankivy

9 ай бұрын

My gosh. I know what you mean--I feel pretty lucky that I didn't actually feel like being asexual alienated me from everyone else, but I did get frustrated that nobody was talking about it or understanding at all when I tried to talk about it. Part of the reason I started writing about it more online was that the very first time I tried, multiple people wrote to me and said things similar to what you said: that they'd felt alone, that they'd felt broken, that they didn't trust themselves or were lonely or thought they had a problem they needed to solve. It was heartbreaking, and it pushed me to say more so it would be out there to find. And people who need it are still finding it. I'm so glad you did, and thank you for watching my content! And yes, though this was a decade ago, this attitude does still exist. Different communities in different countries also approach the issue very differently, especially if there aren't any laws or cultural support for broader queer orientations either. But even though oppression of people from these sexually diverse identities is horrible, nobody wins by playing the Oppression Olympics. I wish people who were sharing what they've been through were doing so to access support and compassion, NOT to compare their experience in an attempt to invalidate someone else's. Even if we COULD quantify the experiences--even if we COULD individually put a number on how much someone has suffered directly because of others' reactions to their sexuality--it wouldn't be the same across the board even within their specific sexuality community due to variations in intersectional issues, culture, location, and individual experience . . . not to mention that even if we had that "oppression quotient" somehow, having experienced more oppression than someone else would not mean that the less affected person should be shamed for also wanting help and support. As a society we don't tell people with less serious illnesses that they aren't allowed to get any treatment until more serious illnesses are cured. My doctor doesn't refuse to give me treatment for an ear infection by shouting "Well some people are deaf, you know, so how dare you complain!"

These kind of people bother me the most because it's people from within our community. A lot of the other hateful or problematic people I can just ignore but not these.

@swankivy

9 ай бұрын

I know what you mean. It feels more personal or more harmful when it comes from "inside the house." I'm glad things have improved a lot since this person wrote about us this way, but considering the stance she took, I'd guess she's probably the same level of exclusionary today. It seems like more of the in-fighting in LGBT spaces is now happening between TERFs and trans people. Equally heartbreaking. It seems like a lot of the same people hate us.

Unfortunately people like that never understand anything an asexual person goess through asexual people belong in the quere community as much as anyone you are awesome love your videos

@swankivy

10 ай бұрын

Yeah. This person definitely was there to judge and not to listen.

@liamodonovan6610

10 ай бұрын

@@swankivy most people like to judge instead of understanding it is rotten the way asexuals are treated we are just as likely to be pushed into conversion tearphy as anyone very intelligent video

Not the "minors can't possibly know they're asexual" argument in there 😂 'Teens' are allowed to claim whatever queer identity they want and there's literally no more harm coming from wrongly assuming you're ace than there is wrongly assuming you're any other queer identity. No ones inherently ruining the rest of their life or doing something malicious to other queer people by being wrong at the time. Saying that being asexual is just appeasing the oppressor is wild to me and whether intentional or not, advocating Against identifying as a sex-repulsed or otherwise sex-disinterested asexual equals advocating For people "trying" sexual encounters they don't want "just in case" 🤢

@swankivy

10 ай бұрын

Oh it's so obnoxious. If only the woman in the post I read could really understand how her opinion supports closeting and centering heterocentric assumptions. If straight is the default and everything else has to be carefully considered and aggressively, actively doubted by everyone around you until you've waited enough years and/or done enough sexual experiments to satisfy their expectations, we don't actually have a safe society for ANY exploration. (Not to mention that the "qualifications" we supposedly have to meet before we can authentically identify as ace in their opinion tend to vary from person to person--especially if one of these people personally wants to have sex with you--and are subject to goalpost-moving. First they say you have to have sex to be sure you're ace, and then if you do that and still don't want it, suddenly you have to have more partners, try more genders, try more positions, experiment with kink or poly situations, try and try and try and try and try and try as many things as you can imagine to just be anything, ANYTHING other than asexual. And none of these are even proper "tests" of asexuality anyway. It is not POSSIBLE to experiment enough, in the right way, to satisfy everyone's external expectations of what we have to do before they will agree we're ace.) Asexual young people need to be allowed to choose that label and be allowed to know it's out there for them if it fits how they're feeling. Fluidity exists and so does personal growth, so yeah, some people who identify as ace at some point in their life will not do so later. But to use that as evidence against the validity of asexuality ignores the FAR greater figures for people who thought they were straight (or were coerced into thinking/behaving so) and ended up not being straight. Yet somehow nobody in their camp suggests straightness itself is more likely misleading and dangerous if Our Children fall into it as an identity! Gee, I wonder why!!

@synchronium24

8 ай бұрын

" 'Teens' are allowed to claim whatever queer identity they want and there's literally no more harm coming from wrongly assuming you're ace than there is wrongly assuming you're any other queer identity." This is true of sexual orientations. Whereas trans activists have spent years backstabbing gender nonconforming people by conflating them with people who have a condition for which medical treatment is essential. It should not take a rocket scientist to predict that when someone with no dysphoria transitions, they are likely to get dysphoria as a result. And when that does happen, the activists play stupid about it.

"Me me me me. But then again, me. On the other hand... me"

@swankivy

10 ай бұрын

Won't anyone think of her and her needs

This era was exhausting. I don't miss it.

@swankivy

10 ай бұрын

100% agree

wow i can't beleive that swankivy is still doing this :)

No october video? :( I guess the stream works too though :D

@swankivy

8 ай бұрын

The livestream event was my October video!

@pineapplewhatever5906

8 ай бұрын

@@swankivy :D

@swankivy

8 ай бұрын

@@pineapplewhatever5906 I did a LOT more work for that video than I usually do for a video, looking up the source materials and checking them out so I'd have some context to be able to talk about them! So that was all I wanted to do for the month.

@pineapplewhatever5906

8 ай бұрын

@@swankivy I'm not upset that the usual video wasn't there; I'm happy that you did this instead!