Its not phobic to play characters with different sexual preferences, jusy like its not sexist to play someone of another gender. If boundaries were respected things wouldnt have gotten to this point anyway.

@orchidofkhalida

2 ай бұрын

It can be sexist if they play them in a way to fetishize or live out a fantasy for either gender. Some girls love to play twinks or make prominent characters twinks (Sirius Black) which is annoying and some guys like to play big boobed bimbos that act like slutty lesbian Yennefer of Vengerburg’s

@marcusreading3783

2 ай бұрын

My first character was a lesbian bunnygirl. Of course, her relationship didnt...really play into anything, I wasnt confident in RPing to manage THAT, but I still cant get my head around the fact that the DM somehow managed to peg exactly the type of girl that I like IRL for it.

@manegirl93416

2 ай бұрын

I'm a straight woman, and one of my absolute favorite PCs I've played is named Alistair, a bisexual man.

@CysmaWinheim

Ай бұрын

That would be like calling it xenophobic to play a non-human character.

@GarkKahn

Ай бұрын

Yeah the whole if you play a character of another gender you're trans joke got really old now

For the first story, OP is NOT the a-hole. Oh, and OP's friend has a crush on OP.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Reminds me of many a problem player who had crushes that motivated their problematic behavior.

@DunantheDefender

2 ай бұрын

My thoughts exactly. Also sounds like the gay friend is just bein a lil byich.

@crystallovingfairy1

26 күн бұрын

I was the same

@crystallovingfairy1

26 күн бұрын

I was the same

@hedgiehogdudeu_u406

25 күн бұрын

I can confidently confirm I've tried to hint at a crush by flirting with my straight guy friend in rp........I then dated him 😭

Story 1 : I'm kinda thinking that OP's friend is 'actually' into OP. Now, hear me out, Yes he called OP a Bigot, but I think it's more out of frustration, like "I tried to please your tastes and that's how you thank me ??". Dude is an AHole, but IMO, a AH with a crush.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

That just makes him sound like an incel.

@DanielLambertWarHammerTactical

2 ай бұрын

Got the same vibes from the story.

@Hyenatempest

2 ай бұрын

yea it sounded like it was an excuse for him lightly flirt in a socially acceptable way and he got a bit hurt or frustrated when he couldn't do that anymore.

@Theokal3

2 ай бұрын

Yeah that's how I feel as well. What other reason would he have to be mad honestly?

@baburik

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan a gaycel. you've heard this here first, folks.

If this person you've treated as a friend is willing to unironically slap you with the homophobe label because of a complete nothingburger like that- He is not your friend.

I swear like 80% of these stories (possibly more) are just people incapable of separating fiction from reality, it's insane

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Which people, the OPs or the problem players? Phrasing can go both ways. EDIT: Should have said victims instead of OPs, plenty of self incriminating tabletop horror stories.

@Vilonu

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan I guess it could be both but in these kinds of rpg horror stories it's often the problem players. The whole "you cant play as an X character because you're a Y". It also seems to be newer players that have that mindset more often, though not exclusively.

Cats are legally liquid so they’ll fit wherever they want.

@nvfury13

2 ай бұрын

And physically, they are theoretical particles with varying mass and density, which is how they can triple their weight when they don’t want off your lap, or manage to exit locked rooms.

I never take it seriously when I hear "it's homophobic for a straight person to play a gay character." Last time I checked, GLAAD and the gay community as a whole were quite happy with straight actors such as Tom Hanks, Antonio Banderas, Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor, Robin Williams, Andre Braugher, Jake Gyllenhaal, Brendan Fraser, Heath Ledger, Natasha Lyonne, Charlize Theron, Cate Blanchett (to name but a few) playing gay roles. It's called acting.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Looks even worse when the guy crying homophobia is playing a woman, like his own argument can't be applied to him being a misogynist.

@graysanddragon

2 ай бұрын

yeah and after centuries of being forced to play a straight character you would think gays would like the whole walk-a-mile in the other-shoes cliche... yet that narcissism and attachment to character just ruins everything especially their relationships

@myplaylist7007

Ай бұрын

Damn gay activist

@sandpiperr

Күн бұрын

Besides, in that story it was mentioned that the player who claimed it was homophobic always plays female characters. So if it's homophobic for someone to play a gay character if they aren't gay IRL, then his own logic states that he must be a misogynist for playing a female character when he's not a woman IRL! Homophobia has nothing to do with it. That player was just a creep who wanted to use RPGs as an excuse to hit on someone that he knew wouldn't be into his advances in real life.

Tiny Hut moment: I'm with you, Doge. Stop making spells stronger by ignoring how they work Stealing the armor: I wouldn't reward a player that intentionally trying to pick a fight. I mean, I wouldn't want him at the table at all, but still.

@shadenox8164

2 ай бұрын

Right like, I could see that scenario Doge suggested playing out if the player's character was humble about it, you know thanking the man for letting them use his things and then trying to return it.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Armor thief seems less like picking a fight and more like a loot hog. Doge's plan might keep the game going for everyone else, but it'd potentially just enable (if not encourage) a problem player to continue these antics.

@LucyBean42

2 ай бұрын

It just turns into Leomond's Tiny Bunker.

@stefankroon4615

2 ай бұрын

You can cast spells by sticking your hands out of the dome without it disappearing. DM probably jist wasnt being a stickler for the rules.

@TigerW0lf

Ай бұрын

It also takes 1 minute to cast even with a spell slot

Story 1 is a pretty clear cut case of person who can't handle what he himself dishes out and then uses baseless accusation to deflect. Better to lose these kinds of people.

In story 1, technically op is being sexually harassed

@DellikkilleD

2 ай бұрын

no.. he isnt lol.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

@@DellikkilleD Would be as much sexual harassment as any unwanted flirtation.

@DellikkilleD

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan He said it didnt bother him. if it doesnt bother you, that means its not harassment.. like, definitionally lol

The theme of this video seems to be “you must be yourself in fiction”. Theme of the That Guys at least.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Definitely a recurring motif, even if only twice here.

Second Story: It sounds like the ranger player is just bored and wants a different type of story. Maybe the next one-shot the group does could be some kind of PvP tournament, or some kind of mystery that doesn't involve a lot of combat. That might hook them back in and get them on-board with working with the group again.

Strong Woman Story. I've ran into people like this before. You can't reason with them at all. BELIEVE ME I HAVE TRIED!

Kinda sounds like the person in that first story just has double standards. Also it sounds like the that guy in the 'strong woman' story is just super insecure.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

First guy sounded like he was making excuses to demonize OP for not letting him flirt.

It's unabashedly clear that the gay player was hitting on OP through female characters in order to get *something* out of it. The flirty banter might have been that player's only way of trying to flirt with OP in a safe manner. I think the accusations of homophobia stem from OP's "rejection". (Via playing as a character not interested in their character *definably*). I think OP is taking it too to heart - and he might feel guilty, asking himself if he's actually a homophobe. In this story, the gay player is definitely the asshole - instead of taking the rejection admirably, they do it in such a way to guilt-trip their friend.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

The gay player sounds no different than incels mad at getting their advances rejected.

@GarkKahn

Ай бұрын

​@@ArcCaravanyeah if op was a woman then the story would be incel 101

The friend in story 1 has a thing for op thats why he’s playing female characters thinking op would be more open to flirting back since it’s a woman in game.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Probably, but doesn't make it okay.

Strong woman = "odd hill to die on but atleast your dead" vibes

I usually alternate between male, female and NB characters (I'm a cis queer woman IRL). This somehow ended up landing on "male" characters a lot for one of my gaming groups, and they'd poke fun at me for it a little. One day I show up for a new game and they ALL go "WE MADE FEMALE CHARACTERS HAHAHAHA" thinking they'd be getting me there. Joke's on them, the character I brought to that game was a female dragonborn fighter, and she'd ALWAYS been planned to be female, curvy and confident.

Ah yes •

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Preserve the title typo for all time, even if Doge corrects it.

Should have hit the gay character with the “you’re only gay bc you haven’t had a real woman” trope in good fun obviously 😂

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Might have made things worse for them, though the idea of a gay man playing a straight woman denying another gay man's orientation would be funny for us.

That first story is so fucking wild, the op is doing a funny, he pushed the joke further, the gay friend is just 💀 that guy was playing a straight character. What a dick tbh, OP is in the clear here I support non-queer people playing queer characters. (Am a mega queer here lol) cause you can try to use rp to get vibes and stuff for it. Maybe you’d even figure out stuff about yourself ~~it’s how I learned in trans~~ and it’s also just fun!

L I remember one of my former party member said that my character and one of the campaign should have been gay or bisexual vbecause they like dancing... The other player BTW was pansexual which I don't care that's their choice in it never bothered me a bit but don't tell me that my character has to be a certain sexuality because they like dancing... That being said that group did a lot of weird things about projecting their feelings on other people's characters about how they thought that character should be it was really frustrating

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

"Maybe I'm gay. Or maybe stereotypes are bullsh*t." - Zarbon, Dragon Ball Z Kai Abridged Parody: Episode 2

Story One: Not a homophobe. OP is not the problem. The problem is that the friend can dish it out but can't take it, which means there is probably something more there that he is too immature to address. Story Two: Fighting and beating the bad guy is what you do in 90% of most D&D scenarios. If the ranger is SO bored of that that he is sabotaging the game, maybe it is not for him. Story Three: Insecure man child alert. Story Four: It is only 2 HP, but it represents much more than that. It represents the DM's willingness to take petty out of game slights into the game. This needs to be addressed NOW or it will only get worse. Story Five: REALLY not cool. The DM should have talked to the player. Having the character's family suddenly be slavers, it completely recontextualizes the PC's backstory, particularly if they imagined positive family relations. The shock value is never worth it and DMs should never do stuff like this without talking to the PCs and respecting their wishes. Story Six: I agree with Doge that a high enough charisma check should get the old hunter to relinquish his dusty relic, but I think it is an attitude problem for the player that thinks they can get away with dumb stuff just because they have a high stat. No is still an option no matter how high the role is. It's the old "seduce the princess" problem. At a certain point, a high charisma roll just prevents the character from being executed on the spot for their audacity. Play dumb games, win dumb prizes.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Story 1 I'm not even sure he got that it was a payback joke, just playing victim over being denied flirting. Story 2 feels like maybe that player should just play different characters during one-shots. Doesn't excuse betraying the party out of boredom, and at that point just don't play the one-shots that exist just because someone is absent. Story 4 was outright cheating on the DM's part.

1st story: I think it does generally depend, but I'm mostly on op's side. At least with how op is describing it, I would say he's nta, but it's also not mentioned whether or not he did anything that was stereotypically gay coded or possibly offensive which could really change the dynamic. However, I'm a straight woman, and I've played nb characters and am about to play my first gay male character with my gay friend playing a straight female character (we're playing twins and we switched our personal identities with eachother for our characters!). I think D&D is a good opportunity to play out different identities in a safe place, and as long as you're not doing it with malicious intent or being offensive with how you perform your character, I don't see the harm.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

It could be just as argued the gay player is being misogynistic for playing being a man playing a woman, especially when it's to flirt with a player's characters.

Gay Character - Creating a character just to spite someone is kind of a jerk move, but it's certainly not homophobic. And "Gay Friend" should learn to take a hint and stop trying to force romantic RP when it's not wanted. Lone Ranger - I personally think these kind of random shenanigans are less of a big deal in a one-shot, as opposed to a campaign. I would've found it funny. But that's just me. If it really did sour the fun for everyone, then I would absolutely take LRG aside and let them know that this kind of behavior isn't appreciated, and will result in a kick if it happens again. Strong Woman - My goodness, this fellow sure sounds like he's trying to compensate for some...shortcoming. Hit Dice - I wouldn't go starting a crusade on the Monk's behalf without talking to them first. IF they want to make an issue of it, by all means, offer your support. But this really sounds like a personal problem that needs to be hashed out between Monk and the DM. PC Parents - I'd like to believe that the DM meant no harm, and was just trying to be "edgy". But pulling the slavery card on a POC player is, at the very least, extraordinarily tone-deaf. But it sounds like the OP recognizes that yes, they should have objected. And if their complaints weren't taken seriously, that would have been the time to leave. My Armor Now - Unless the NPC stipulated ahead of time that the items in their house were strictly a loan, then I don't think the player is being unreasonable. I suppose you could justify deducting the cost of the armor from their reward. But the main lesson here is, "Don't leave shiny objects lying around, if you don't want the players to grab them".

simbas staring into my soul.

That Baltimore/Maryland accent coming out real strong in the first story lol all about Heaumophaeubia and the player hitting awn OP

Story 1: I think OP's friend should really know better. I'm sure most women can attest to being really uncomfortable when someone you're not attracted to tries to aggressively flirt with you. Why would it be any different the other way around? Even with the filter of a game, if it makes OP uncomfortable, then stop doing it. And as Doge said, he's playing a straight woman, but OP can't play a gay man? If OP's homophobic, then OP's friend is sexist for the same reason. It does seem like OP's friend might actually like him, and uses the game as a cover, thinking a character more in-line with OP's interests would help. Hopefully they can work it out and stay friends, but the other guy needs to realize it won't happen. That DOES constitute sexual harassment, and we've seen plenty of stories where incels and even femcels behave the same way towards other players.

Like if you came for the Doge but stayed for the Simba in a Box lol

*cant roleplay a gay character* yet has no issue playing a girl and constantly hitting on his friend. the consistency of it means its not a joke, he likes his friend and just wont out right say it. thats creepy as shit that it keeps happening.

5th story (Backstory Change): Yeah, I can definitely say that having backstory get changed without my knowledge is not something I’d enjoy. Weirdly enough, your suggestion for how to do OP’s parents is more or less what is happening witu my own character. I chose to be a Noble in a Waterdeep campaign despite being an Orc. DM and I agreed it was an adoption situation (which is what I wanted and love). Discussing which family I could be from, I chose Yhe Rosznar family. I knew they had a shady history, and only recently came back to the city, which was shortly before I was adopted. So I his my last name for a LONG time with rare exceptions. The party heard pretty much how I viewed them for a long while, strict but loving. But we also, while running the module, learned some, nasty secrets. Darker dealings they were still partaking in. A conspiracy to uproot the heads of the family. And, at a gala my parents hosted, the party realized just how Damaged my character truly was, a victim of emotional abuse (including effectively being locked to the family estate for 15 years of his life, except for rare occasions, and being locked in his room for severe punishments). My character is still trying to come to terms with this revelation, even afyer an outright verbal confrontation with his father regarding dealings with one ofnthe BBEGs of Waterdeep. I LOVE this character and his story. And with a certain god of Vengeance basically trying to bring my sweetheart Orc to murder his family via dreams, there’s some serious climactic moments bound to happen when the party decides it’s time to deal with the family of their youngest party member.

Story #1 - He was playing a hetero female character, after all, so by the same reasoning there would have to be some kind of "-ist" or "-ism" about that as well.. He was out of line. But I put a little blame on OP for just one thing - if that repeated "flirting" was making him uncomfortable, he should have SAID SOMETHING, not sort of laugh along like it was OK. Story #2 - Basically, LRG got bored and so did something douche-y. Good thing it was a one-shot but, yeah,, a sitdown seems in order. Story #3 - Jack had serious problems. Enough said. Story #4 - There's some out of game issue between the DM and the Monk Player, that much is certain. But, whatever that problem, dragging it into a different game is unacceptable. The DM needs to be seriously brought to account for this. No evasion, no BS tolerated. A DM who'd deliberately do something like this is NOT one I'd game with. Btw, talk about "winning" D%D is a big red flag for me. Good time with friends, top of my list. Survival and Character development / progression are certainly there, and important, but are not the sole considerations. Story #5 - It was established beforehand that the Character's parents were corrupt politicians and Not Very Nice People. The DM probably saw slavery as being a logical extension of this and, depending on the setting, perhaps integral. But slavery (and the parents'' involvement in it) should have been specifically mentioned in Session 0 as An Actual Thing', I tend to agree. If you express honest discomfort about something ingame, and the DM's response is laughter and jeers, then just leave. Story #6 - This is a Player who has ended at least one other campaign with his @$$holery.. Ask him nicely to return the armor and, if he refuses, do not bother with arguing. *DO NOT* game it out, just tell him that the NPCs have smacked him down HARD and taken back what was theirs. No saving throws, no tapbacks, no intervention by the rest of the Party.. Pay off the rest of the Party. If that Player gets in a snit and walks, the group is better off. He shouldn't be allowed to keep the armor - this is simply rewarding bad behavior.

For that first story, unless the person playing the gay character is doing it in an insulting way (heavily leaning into stereotypes, using their orientation to justify being way too sexual, etc) then there's nothing wrong with it. The friend was definitely the problem.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Problem player definitely crying, "You're homophobic because you don't like my flirting."

@stefankroon4615

2 ай бұрын

Nothing wrong with leaning into it, either. It's an original fictional character. Making them as hypergay as you want is your artistic right.

@arcaderat1613

2 ай бұрын

@@stefankroon4615 If someone who is straight is playing a 'hypergay' stereotype, it becomes more insulting than creative freedom at that point.

@stefankroon4615

Ай бұрын

Being insulted by someone playing a fictional character is a you problem. The extremely flamboyant stereotypical gay is fun to play, so just let people play it.

I DM for a group where the tallest player is playing the halfling...

Story 1: Rules for thee, but not for me.

@stefankroon4615

2 ай бұрын

The first commandment of identity politics.

as long as you aren't slapping problematic stereotypes onto the character its fine to play any kind of character you want

8:58 this is the most brain dead line of reasoning that I have ever witnessed with my very own eyes. You addressed it now, because it happened. You don't wait for someone to smack you in the face again after they do it the first time. It doesn't matter if it's a one shot. The behavior of ruins of the game for everyone involved. You even admit that you hope that it doesn't happen in the main campaign and that it happens to another one shot. But there's no guarantee of that, see you address the behavior now. Just say that you're afraid of conflict and you didn't want to bring it up instead of making these weird lame excuses, because this is clearly cowards logic. 9:07 the same thing that everyone else typically does when a person is ruining the game and being a piece of shit. You just stop playing with them. My first piece of advice would be to discuss the problem, but since that's clearly not going to happen because no one has a calcified spine in the group, this is the second best option.

1st story: OP is about 10% the ahole because it was done out of spite instead of talking to his friend. Even with that, the friend overreacted. He probably had a crush on OP and couldn't act on it so the game was his outlet but when OP did this it was like gas on a fire. Maybe he really wanted OP to be gay and now its a joke to OP. 2nd story: Lone Ranger. "I'm tired of 1-shots being quick plot, solve the problem, kill the bad guy, (basically 1-shots) so I decided be selfish and PVP everyone for my own amusement. You all didn't need to have fun. I didn't care". As the forever DM I would be pissed at this guy ruining one of the few times I get a chance to game and would have pulled him aside after and told him. 3rd: Strong woman. Sounds like the guy has an inferiority complex and possibly an abuser/controller. If that happened at a game I was in, at the point of I can kick your A in real life, the entire table would have stood up and demanded him to leave while he could walk out on his own. That was less than 1 step away from violence to "prove" how he was stronger and better and they need to submit to him. That mindset is dangerous.

story 1: gay friend has a crush on them. they get it taken into a backfire direction like that and it hits 'em harder than it really should, but i think they did tell on themselves a bit with "...i was doing it to spite him..." there. he did preemptively also aim to shoot him down like that, so there's some YTA in that regard. (in the regard that it was done to spite him like that, yes it would be homophobic. malicious intent or no.) As someone who has been in both of their positions; i think the two should have a proper chat about needing to establish better boundaries with the friend crushing on him and to not do future "to spite him" things like that. just shut it down is all my dude. :) OP is likely in the spot of "it's funny once in a while, but starting to get creepy/annoying" over time and hasn't properly conveyed that. if yer friendship matters, you guys talk after a bit of time, but don't force it if need that space proper.

To be honest? I'd be wary of a friend like that. Sure he might be into OP but that doesn't excuse playing characters with the express purpose to flirt with someone who, as the story is clear, doesn't share your sexuality and isn't interested in you. Maybe Like... once as a ha ha hee hee funny, but in the story it's made clear his friend does this basically EVERY time they play together that's it's common. I have a feeling this friend would've still blown up and accused OP of being a bigot had OP approached them and asked them to stop with the flirting because it made him uncomfortable. The Fact he blew up over a counter joke of "Ah ha! You can't flirt with my character because they are gay this time!" means his friend is probably HYPER insecure and got angry they couldn't flirt with OP in a roundabout way like they wanted.

For the last guy yes completely unreliable

Story 1 is an "everybody sucks here" OP made the gay character out of spite because they couldnt just say "im uncomfortable with the flirting." And the irl gay guy is an asshole for reprimanding someone for doing exactly what they are doing and blowing it out of proportion

Story 1: It's not like he's trying to play off a gay character as a negative stereotype, so what gives? Probably just salty that the character had an in-character reason to refuse his advances. Story 2: PvP is rarely a good thing, particularly if not every party agrees to it, so of course I don't allow it. In this case, it seems like the LRG had an issue with the predictable nature of one shots, so that might be worth discussing above table. What exactly are his expectations? Would he be willing to DM the kind of one shot adventure he'd rather see as a way of selling his alternate vision? Or is he just being a troll because he thinks being the proverbial turd in the party punch bowl is funny? This is definitely a communication issue. Story 3: Wow. A guy is really stuck on the idea that characters can be wildly different from their players. That was something else! Story 4: Sounds like petty personal stuff. Since OP asked, sure; share your perspective. Just be careful not to insert yourself in a way that looks like "taking sides." Story 5: Oh yeah; DEFINITELY make sure every party affected is okay with spontaneous revisions to a player character's backstory. This was a breach of TTRPG etiquette at the very least as the storytelling aspect of these games is meant to be collaborative. Story 6: (WOW there are a LOT of stories today!) I slightly disagree with Doge on simply making it an outright gift; allow a negotiation for the armor. The armor could be the payment, which is probably worth more than whatever the wererat bounty is. The player still comes out ahead. MAYBE allow it to be granted as a gift from the retired hunter IFF the character shows the proper respect and makes a good appeal instead of going, "LOLZ high rizz roll = me get free armor!" Inform the player OOC that making a good elevator pitch could have this result so the player will learn to role play instead of roll play. Math rocks are fun, but they're not meant to replace his imagination when it comes to personal interactions with NPCs.

Time to hear DTT

I....these are grown men...just have a conversation...

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

OP tried afterward, got the same reaction.

For the monk, maybe the guy had been cheating? If the GM wn't give a reason for reducing the HP and only reduced it by that much, maybe the player had been fudging it and even though he rolled well that time, the GM wanted to nerf him a bit for cheating before? Either that or the GM probably did have some issue with the guy and just want to get back at him or "win" against him.

First story is definitely not the Ass hole like how can it be homophobic for a straight man to play a gay character but not sexist for a gay man to play a woman!? The logic is so far left it's gone right like it doesn't make any sense;

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Absolutely correct. Especially when both players use the excuse of "joking" for their character choices.

Wait i know why they said that now. There a GAY activist or a gay activist supporter and these type of people normally complain that if your not gay and you play as a gay character then your offensive. Its really insane.

Story 1: The gay player using female characters could be considered misogynistic based on his reasoning. Story 2: Hopefully these one-shots aren't canon. Ranger should probably just not play them and stick to the main campaign. Otherwise just discuss if they can do things differently regarding absent players. 3rd story: An already misogynistic story invoking "realistic flaws" (using that term VERY loosely) in a fantasy setting with magic powers quickly escalated to threatening violence. Gave me vibes of "historical accuracy" to justify a miserable game experience. 4th story: That's just straight up cheating. Plain and simple. 5th story: Let a player know if you're going to retcon their backstory to something that'll make unwanted obstacles for them. Feels the same as not letting players know their character creation choice will make them outcasts, but not even giving them a choice. 6th story: Feels less like a tabletop horror story and more like one about to happen. Definitely worth discussing with the player regardless if it's handled in-game by letting baby have his bottle or disciplining a recurring problem player.

@sumguy789654

2 ай бұрын

The gay player in story 1 isn't using reasoning, it's all twisted up emotions. Honestly dude needs to get laid.

Don't shit where you eat. AKA no in party romances for me

It is not homophobic to play a gay character, but it also probably shouldn't be 'funny'. I just really hope other things are not unsaid like acting in an inappropriate way.

Story 1: I'd just call that 'friend' a "heterophobe" to see how he likes being labelled like that. I mean, the constant making of a char of the opposite sex to keep hitting on a hetero person seems as if the gay is trying to turn the straight, which would be 'heterophobic'

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

I'd prefer calling him a misogynist for making female characters who only exist to flirt with OP's male characters. Better buzzword.

@sumguy789654

2 ай бұрын

Dude's having a hard time coping with being gay and having straight crushes. It's unfortunate honestly but he's not coping in a healthy way.

How gay was the character in question exactly? Regular gay or this is too much even for a 90s sitcom gay?

@kaylawoodbury2308

2 ай бұрын

I'm going to assume regular gay considering gay friend didn't know until he attempted to flirt and was turned down, prompting his meltdown. If he was playing a flamboyant stereotype then don't you think the gay friend would have noticed and been upset at that rather than the rejection?

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Based on the story, just gay enough to have no interest in women flirting. Didn't get far enough to see anything after shooting down an aggressive flirt.

Hey Doge...did you get that title a bit wrong?

PVP ruins games almost every time and it is something that I outright ban. Though someone being black doesn't mean they cannot be slavers. Granted, it was dumb to add but every racial group have been slaves and slavers. It's just something that should have been brought up beforehand and not sprung on someone. That's where it's dumb.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

The IRL race looked like a lesser problem than making the character automatically hated fir the DM's retcon.

The DM who randomly made OPs parents slavers is really weird for doing it. And OP is a bit too nonchalant about it

LONG LIVE SIMBA. THE BOX-KITTY!

Gato in Boxo. :O

Hit Dice Story. If the character originally used a d8 at creation, then they should when leveling up. The "You know why." explanation is not an explanation. This will only lead to a tit for tat culture at the table. On a side note, totally unrelated. I do think different hit dice for different classes doesn't make a lot of sense. I think it should be based on race size category. Much like monster hit dice is. Just throwing that out there.

@Xanthriel

2 ай бұрын

That would be pretty bad as far as balancing and fun goes, cause then no one would ever be x race for z class as it would be a straight nerf.

@davidtherwhanger6795

2 ай бұрын

@@Xanthriel So changing say a Wizard's Hit Dice from a d6 to a d8 for a medium sized creature, a difference of on average 1 HP per level, as game breaking?

Is the gay friend in the first post James Charles?

Guys, is it homophobic to be gay?

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Depends if it's misogynistic of gay men playing straight women.

Yeah … I really hate to be mister “well he was obviously into you because gay “ but I mean … unless there’s another reason , why OP was the only one he did it to …

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

The pattern stated does support that theory, but ultimately it shouldn't matter. That player acted no different than an incel mad that they didn't get what they wanted.

liked for simba vids/picks

Simba - the Doge said it best - if the kitty's fit, they sit. I love when we get new boxes, we leave them out for a few days so they can play. Me and the wife have adopted a Tabby Terror and a Baby House Panther, what about the rest of you?

What class and archetype do you think Simba would be?

Ask some, "If old tea is used tea, what is old ink?" When they say " used ink," it sounds like "You stink." You got yourself!

Whole sitch is a little wiggly, but NTA. Friendo was just pissed he'd been outsmarted and immediately outed himself as a hypocrite with his subsequent behavior.

I think it's sad that the only time a straight person is willing to play a gay character it's to spite their gay friend. Would OP ever have played a gay character of his own volition? Would any of the straight men reading this? I'd like to hope the answer is yes but I bet for most it's no.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

No different than a gay man playing a female character just to flirt with a (presumably) straight man.

Commenting about the third story, it's weird I also encountered a guy named jack who also had an issue with a woman being stronger than a guy

1st one: op is the a hole; he admits he did it to spite the other player instead of talking to his friend and saying, "look man, it makes me uncomfortable when you hit on me in character." There is no mention of the other player knowing there was a problem with this interaction with op. As far as the other player having a problem with op playing a gay character, this is subjective to the group as it is a straight man playing a gay character with a gay man. He might be playing a painful steriotype of a gay man and that can get offensive to an actual gay man. I can see this blowing up if the other player thought he was being mocked for his identity. This depends on a lot of contextual things op is not saying, so the outrage can be justified or not. Either way, making a fictional character gay to spite a gay person is not a great look.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

OP was no worse than the gay man playing a woman just to flirt, both using "it's a joke" to excuse their character choices. We don't even know what else OP did beyond use his new character's homosexuality to shut down flirtation. The gay friend acted no differently than any incel or "nice guy" whose actions/advances were rejected.

@rynowatcher

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan there is a difference there. Homosexuality men have been historically marginalized and been the subject of harassment and bigotry. OP said it is a group of all guys, so even if the other player is playing an offensive steriotype of a woman, there are no women to marginalize in the group. Also, no one is offended by the other player's portrayal of a woman. I agree that op has a right to not endure the other player hitting on them in character, but that should have been an above board conversation about how, "look man, I am uncomfortable flirting at my game." Just because the other person made you uncomfortable does not mean you are morally justified in punching them. Two wrongs do not make a right and there is nothing in this story to say the other player knows he offended op; he never says he talked about it to him, never says he asked him to stop, and even says he went along with it because everyone else thought it was funny. The other guy could see this as coming out of nowhere, so yeah.... op still the a hole.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

@@rynowatcher So a straight man can't play a homosexual character just because a homosexual is present, but an offensive portrayal of anyone is allowed if nobody who would be justifiably offended is present? If someone doesn't understand their flirtation is unwanted, the person flirted with has no business denying it? Is being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc perfectly acceptable if there's no victim present? The gay player quickly went to claiming homophobia just because the gay character shut down any flirting after first claiming it was a lie made up on the spot. If the flirting was a "joke", than they understand the target doesn't want it (and it appears to have been going on for a while based on OP's statement). If OP had actually done something reasonably offensive then he'd be an a-hole, but for now all he did was have a character of a different orientation. Even after OP's attempt at explaining his side to the "friend" after the game, he's still called a homophobe with nothing else to explain why besides doing something the gay player didn't like.

@rynowatcher

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan so I realize you are doing this because you like to argue with randos on the net, but outside of that and in all seriousness, two wrongs do not make a right. One marginalized person marginalization another is not any more right than a non-marginalized person doing it. This is not the pain Olympics. There is actually nothing to imply the other player is portraying a female character offensively and the rest of the group finds it amusing. Op is the only one who has an issue with it and instead of talking about it they offend the other player "for spite" by their own description. This is petty and meant to offend the other player.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

@@rynowatcher I see no reason I shouldn't be allowed to comment on KZread. It helps the algorithm and hurts nobody. I just like discussing. The "offense" OP did was simply turning down the flirting and I have no reason to believe the gay player wouldn't react the same regardless of what character OP made if it meant his straight woman character could be denied flirting (homosexual male, heterosexual female, asexual warforged, etc.). Both sides were immature, but the gay player blew the choice of using a non-offensive gay character out of proportion by claiming homophobia. Unwanted flirting is worse than a "spite character" and both have the "just joking" justification. "Two wrongs don't make a right" being used here just feels like excusing the first wrong when the second isn't nearly as proportionate. It's like OP's homophobic just for doing something without the gay player's approval and players' can only play characters based on their IRL orientation (which the gay player already didn't do). OP already tried apologizing and making clear it wasn't intended to be offensive but still got called homophobic, yet the gay player gets a pass for not realizing OP might be sick of the flirting "joke"? And even if OP planned it out of playful spite towards the flirting, the gay player had no way of knowing when accusing him of being a spiteful bigot.

I think there is something inherently sus in saying you're playing a gay character as a Joke. It kinda minimizes sexuality. With the added context of the story OP probably didn't mean it that way. But i get how it was taken that way

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Same could be said about a man playing a woman to flirt as a joke.

@IamX000

2 ай бұрын

@ArcCaravan There's a difference between playing a woman character who happens to be a joke and a character who is a joke because they're a woman. Same with any character really. It sounds like the person in the story had a crush on OP and went about it terribly. To my eyes no one really comes out of this looking great. Communication is critical

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

@@IamX000 If OP played someone the gay player's female characters couldn't flirt with for any reason, I doubt the reaction would be any different. I see no difference between this and an incel/"nice guy" mad at being turned down.

@IamX000

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan Hmm. You know what? I hadn't thought of it that way. You make a fair point

Seventh

i think the title got messed up a little. :) “for gay playing a character”

Okay, I was with him in the first story until he said he did it to be funny. Please try not to use sexual orientation as a punchline. If he went into it with sincerity, that would be one thing.

@tunasci

2 ай бұрын

Same here. But, to be fair, if the gay friend didn't notice earlier, then OP is probably not playing an exagerated stereotype. To be extra fair, maybe OP meant funny in the sense it feels "funny" playing a character of a different sexual orientation

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

While I see your point on not playing an orientation just for a joke, context makes it work here sense the "joke" is just getting in the way of another "joke" about an aggressive heterosexual female flirt played by a homosexual character. At absolute worst OP is as bad as the flirty character, but it seems to just be an excuse to shut down an annoying gag he's sick of. Probably could grow invested in the character beyond initial intention.

@BelowAverageGaming13

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan He never once said he told the gay player to stop. That seems a reasonable course of action.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

​@@BelowAverageGaming13And he never played the gay character as a stereotype beyond "I'm gay so women's flirting is useless". If he did anything else, then there could be a problem. But for now it's just playing a different orientation, no worse than the gay guy playing a straight woman just to comedically flirt.

@DragonClapper1855

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan Plus, that kind of person- the kind that goes into a rage or adult tantrum when they can't get what they want, can't be reasoned with. He would have most likely still called the OP a homophobe and bigot had he been told "I'm sorry, but I don't appreciate the flirting. It makes me uncomfortable, please stop it".

Story one, Op, you a bit of an A hole. You should have talked to your friend about the flirting instead. Said friend did not handle the situation well either though. You can't just claim bigotry apropos of nothing like that.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

I wouldn't say story 1 OP was an a-hole at all since he only said his character was a gay man. I doubt the other player would take it any better if it wasn't out of spite. And the gay player was rather hypocritical complaining about a heterosexual playing a homosexual for whatever reason while being a male playing females just to flirt.

@marybdrake1472

2 ай бұрын

@@ArcCaravan If you make a character out of spite, you're an a hole. Not severely, necessarily, but it is kind of a dick move. In truth, the whole situation was handled poorly by both players. The second person handled it worse. What precipitated the event wasn't any better. There are no "good guys" in that first story. Even though it's not the worst such situation we've seen here. It's not.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

@@marybdrake1472 Definitely immature to handle it this way, but the "spite character's" only crime was to not be someone a female character could successfully flirt with. While everyone could have handled this better, at least OP aknowledged they went too far with the "joke" while DM (and the rest of the table so far) supported the character choice compared to the player crying homophobia for denying flirtation even after the game (which would happen if OP's character weren't made unflirtable out of spite).

The Alphabet Mafia needs a reality check

@Luxord5294

2 ай бұрын

Amen Brother, I'm all for live and let live/if it feels good do it (with the obvious exceptions); but when anyone who flies under the LGBT flag wants to use their sexuality/identity as a way to treat others like crap, like what OP's friend was doing, that's where I draw the line. Calling someone homophobic because they were sick of being flirted with and decided to play a character whom couldn't be flirted with in-game, just reeks of double standards.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Ah, took me a while to get you meant LGBT instead of joking about the title grammar.

so when the gays call me a bigot it's because i didn't do what they wanted. It makes sense now.

@ArcCaravan

2 ай бұрын

Depends on the context.