In-person and online Complex Trauma recovery programs available. Check out our new website at timfletcher.ca
Tim Fletcher is a pioneer in the Addictions and Mental Health Treatment profession. He is the Founder and President of RE/ACT (Recovery Education for Addictions and Complex Trauma).
Tim started helping people as a pastor, for over 30 years, before he experienced his own significant personal trauma. He transitioned into the addiction treatment sector.
Through countless hours of counselling sessions and training in various treatment programs, Tim correlated the connection between Complex Trauma and behaviour patterns leading up to addiction. Many of his clients struggled with unrealized addictions and unhealthy coping techniques to which he believes 97% of them also suffer from Complex Trauma.
Tim Fletcher programs include En Route, LIFT, KEYS, RE/ACT and ACCEL. They have helped thousands of people all over the world become healthy in mind, body and spirit.
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Life alone after 24 years of a "crazy" marriage is awesome! Peace and love are now abundant! Men, make sure you know what bi-polar is all about. If she swears and blows up at inanimate objects, run away! If she cries and locks herself in the bedroom, run! If she can't balance a checkbook, run! Don't let good sex be the only bonding agent! Watch out for constant self-deprecating statements, run! Most women are nuts today!
If you don't know who you are as a person you will get pushed over and take an advantage of by every person that comes along
5:00 The child, just like a disgruntled animal, feigns injury or sickness (stays home from school, etc) to garner the parents' pity, in hopes that the parent will pay attention and seek to provide what the child really needs help with. What's dangerous is that these are kids who we're talking about, and some of them don't know better than to actually injure themselves or go out of their way to do things that would cause them to become actually sick. This is the direct result of parental (or teacher) neglect of their basic responsibilities towards the child, and this is all on them, not the child. A child doesn't always know better, but the adults in their life **do** know better. You can't go about in this world for 18+ years without learning what adult responsibilities are. That's the bottom line.
I was born 9 years after my youngest brother. When my mom was pregnant with me she found out she had kidney disease...she died when I was 7 as a result. I just found out 40 years later that my siblings blamed me 😢 I had to ask the questions. Still struggling with this after an abusive and chaotic upbringing.
I never understood how sport or competition was about connecting. I never understood why people want to play games and risk the suffering of failure. I never understood when people say "they play for fun". What fun? The "achiever" part perfectly describes my coping mechanism for childhood shame.
I got like 5/6 from this presentation 😂 now how am i gonna heal?
I disagree, sorry. This can develop within relationship with another.
This guy is a hero 💪
It’s okay, Tim, I know who you are.
Thank You💚
Had a vasectomy at 22 so I could not neglect a child like I was by alcoholic parents
I had a vasectomy when I was 22. Did not want to neglect a child the way I was neglected by alcoholic parents
I'm fully aware of my system now, so that's a great step forward. The next step is how to manage the flashbacks.
You speak the love of God, but do it in a scientific way. Your words mean so much to me. Thank you❤
I don’t have anyone that’s that supportive for me.
This part shows how much healing needs to be done. The red flags to keep your distance from people. Then you realise you're carrying enough red flags for a Communist military parade...
My mom acted like the money I made was hers and when I bought myself a used car, she was resentful and bitter. Whenever I took a camping vacation, my dad side eyed me
And when my older brother got married, he told me “it’s up to you to take care of mom and dad now.” It hurts a lot but I refuse to follow the role they placed on me
Holy shit, dude. All of the above, man. All of the above. I was an atypical unwanted child in that my parents already had three kids when I was born and they had never planned on having a fourth. As far as they were concerned, they had their hands full with my three older siblings and the last thing they needed was another mouth to feed. But I defied my mother's tubal ligation to come into this world. Impressive, no? That just made me EXTRA unwanted because I was a total surprise. My parents were quite sure they were done having kids. Which is pretty reasonable when you think you've been made infertile. But that's no excuse to make you child feel like an unwanted guests in their own home.
I noticed how every time an obstacle would come up in life it seemed the end of the world. I also noticed that when it wasn’t the end of the world I would feel the deepest of gratitude upon making it to the other side. It’s taken me 56 years to figure out that if I know I’ll be grateful afterwards I should just be grateful in advance, the moment an obstacle appears. Amazing how much less stress I experience and how quickly I reach the other side.
You aren't aware how stressed you are, until you become aware. I thank God, I'm now aware and working on it. Great video, many thanks. ❤❤
My mother told me she only wanted 3 children. I told her that was a mean thing to say to her 4th....
I was wanted not for the right reasons, look how pretty she is! Treat me like the servant girl at home take me out for show! To be seen and not heard!
My mom had one too many. Children and that meant that she just couldn’t love us all, I was never told that I was loved by her and often when she took me to the market or park she would leave me behind I remember this very clearly and not knowing what to do this went on a lot that when I was 5 I learned where I lived
All these role descriptions. I didn't pick one - I've maintained so many. Ever since childhood, and into adulthood. I'm 38 in a few weeks. The negatives he's described for these roles; I'm encountering all of them. I'm juggling so much, it's utterly exhausting. Add to that, the past 3 years I'm back home. Nothing has changed there. It's re-traumatising every day. Hopefully I can afford Tim's course in the near future. Because I'm so tired. The other issue is being sober, as it's a white knuckle ride to live with real life. But I'm doing my best. It's all I can do.
I have become open n honest in a relationship however I have seen that ppl lie and they make u feel that they are ur true friends initially but that is only a mark they wear to have all secrets out from another person. Once the secrests are shared then they misuse them. It’s hard to judge ppl now a days.
Everyone of these!!! 😢 I thought I was the only one with problems like this. Maybe there’s hope.
This is very informative, Im not to sure that everyone who gets triggered is a narcissist, but definitely we can all present narcissistic tendencies when triggered ( learned behaviour, our own dysregulated behaviours and inner child wounds) my husbands trigger behaviour is much more frequent and destructive than mine, and I am aware it's coming up to 2 weeks before, but if I gently tell his I think he's heading towards his trigger behaviour, he doesn't see it or believe me What do I do in this situation?
I don't agree with every point you made or your interpretation, but I do agree with the basic overview and I thank you for having the courage to address the topic. I have PTSD from spiritual abuse so I know the need for open discussion on the topic is huge!!! Thank you very much. 💜💜👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Praise to God for giving us Tim Fletcher.
Or…the Narc will stonewall #CalmBeforeTheStorm
I was a victim, got some guy who helped me spy on my partner phone, and helped me with proof and i got the divorce needed
Les’t have a word!
My body has betrayed me too... health wise...
Great video. Lots of good stuff. But then you veer off into unproven grounds. Popular beliefs but have not been proven or have evidence for. Great video but please steer clear of things that have no proven validity. We can heal but we should stick to and rely on the proven. Fantasies serve a purpose but to be fully integrated into life we need to eventually shed them.
I didn’t do it myself but I married someone who was well off. The marriage feel apart and now I’m back to being a “nobody” in their eyes.
Yes to every question depending on the situation and how I feel. Often coming down to being at work vs home.
God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.....❤
Gabor Maté (honorable mention)
This man is brilliant
My mother was born as an unwanted child in Indonesia where at the beginning of the 20th century were many Dutch men which lived with Indonesian women. When the woman got pregnant often was chased away out of the house. Some family members thought though that she needed to be educated in The Netherlands. My grandfather payd for her but never payd attention to her and was even less interested in me. As he was the only grandfather still living when I was born I saw hem when I was 8 years old and I didn't like him at all! My mother found a letter in which he wrote to my grandmother that he didn't want the child. My mother had a very difficult and sad life with a low self esteem that I inhereted from her!
My father never had any higher education himself, but pushed me to do an education I truly disliked. I finished it, but obviously dont have work in the field I studied, because I did not enjoy it. Now I work an office job. I love learning and I cant help but think, what is I had pursued my own dreams? Feels like I wasted so many years of my life trying to please my father, ending up with a life I am not happy with, I truly resent him for it.
True. But… society is an unhealthy scheme in general, most people are damaged by it. We need to address society as a toxic paradigm, not just people
Exactly. Noise begets Noise
Its very practiced in Africa even my family did same, I'm Nigeria by the way.
They cannot connect on a Soul level because they don’t have one- it was replaced by Ego and Fear
They get triggered when they can’t be god almighty
I was a victim, got some guy who helped me spy on my partner phone, and helped me with proof and i got the divorce needed
Les’t have a word!
Thank you ❤ 4:36
I have changed this a great deal in my life. Unfortunately, I have observed that so many people don't care what is true or not.
This is true, but at least we are not lying to ourselves anymore.
Your voice is comforting you've gained a follower❤
Thank you so much. I thought I would figure this out sooner. I knew I needed safe people who didn’t trigger my shame from childhood. Wow what a confirmation.
I recently saw a video about the meyers briggs INFJ personality, it was served to me by youtube cause I watch lots of video's on recovering from complex trauma. It struck me that the INFJ personality is almost exactly like the symptoms most victims of abuse tell about in the comments and like my own! Then i saw some info on how this personality was the most rare... so I immedeadly thought that it is not a personality but the symptoms of the abuse.