Quick test: If you find you have to watch and be careful of what you say, then you're in the presence of the wrong people.

@user-ge2oh8nj5h

7 күн бұрын

Then most people are wrong people. But what you are saying truly resonates with me. When you feel like everyone is looking for an excuse to judge you or exclude you. And no one is saying what they really think or feel.

@LeeZa1969

6 күн бұрын

Just realized and left 2 yrs ago but now just frozen in time

@ukchris64

6 күн бұрын

This is so very true of the truth movement, you have t believe this or that, any divergence and oh my god you are so frowned upon, same thing with Liberal lefties or socialists, say something counter to what they belive and the hate quickly follows, I keep most people at arms lenght now, sad way to be to be honest, as for knowing who I am, I have no idea anymore.

@sll110

6 күн бұрын

but this true 😮😮😮😮​@@user-ge2oh8nj5h

@sll110

6 күн бұрын

​@@user-ge2oh8nj5hugly Truths and ugly Reality

Despite the abuse, the neglect, the rejection over and over. I was a creative kid, made friends at school even being a weirdo. Like many i raised myself, i was on survival mode my whole life and at 18 had to be independant. i encountered people that treated me exactly the same ways "my family" did. It crushed me more and more. When i look at my grades in school, my drawings and writings. I realize the potential that i had to become successful and all the qualities that life took from me. Its hard to be that person again, retrieve that spark.

@BarbaraM-lv7pe

5 күн бұрын

My problem was there weren’t enough classes in school that “ spoke” to me, I wanted to cut out the fat and take classes to hone a skill. I wanted to learn drafting at age 14; no option for that. Interior design school was discouraged and I didn’t like most curriculum. Got assoc degree but couldn’t find school where credits transferred well. Second school was tough and I already was traumatized from bullying. Not enough tools in the toolbox nor good advice from adults to keep going. very tough time for me: late teens/early twenties. A critical time for a young adult too. Felt disconnected

@lauraleemoderndaysamaritan4137

4 күн бұрын

From one weirdo to another I hear you loud and clear. On my father's side was Yale and Cornell professors, great grandmother Harvard grad. I was brainwashed to believe I was stupid and less than because I am female. I was led to AA, college and eventually was accepted into Wells college, prestigious Ivy League...became a substance abuse counselor, writer, and now do a podcast for a radio station talking about recovery ..overcome! That's what we are!!

@SpeakLife444

3 күн бұрын

So sorry 😢. But to give you hope. It is Never too late. God loves you and He gave His only begotten son to die for you. My life has changed because Jesus showed me my identity in Him. There is joy and peace that can come from within through Christ Jesus. Please I say all this from a heart of love because I understand the pain before Christ 💕

@Rozes301

2 күн бұрын

You will. I'm reigniting mine... colors literally are more vibrant now. Move forward, no matter how slowly, no matter how miniscule the progress might seem... it's never insignificant.💖

@katherinekelly6432

2 күн бұрын

Being authentic does not mean being disrespectful. Human beings are social animals. Designed to be in groups. Animals that live in groups have various "Social norms" that give stability to the group. Children who have been abused have not been socialized. Usually they are taught as a reaction to the abuse to be guarded and anti social so they are depriving themselves of an evolutionary need. "To be social animals" The past abuse prevents their evolutionary growth.

I know who I am and I have complex trauma. This is why my family scapegoated me, I had a strong sense of self and I was confident-they wanted to squash that! Narcissists hate when they see you happy and confident, they want to confuse you and make you feel terrible.

@guzmaynard8768

4 күн бұрын

Sounds like you managed to heal some of your wounds, I was criticised, teased and rejected verbally and emotionally by my mother unless I said and did what she felt was acceptable. I went on to marry a man who reflected the false beliefs I picked up in childhood and I have only just started to release this pain, it is so sealed inside of me that it has taken many healing releases and 8 years so far of working through the sludge. I'm doing it though. So happy that you are beating the oppression and its lasting effects. xxx

@sylviaduncan6663

4 күн бұрын

​@@guzmaynard8768yes I see where you are coming from about that so true all so there is a lot of people that gust don't get it much love

@sylviaduncan6663

4 күн бұрын

TRUE SO SAD

@lahicks9773

3 күн бұрын

Has your family members been diagnosed by psychiatrist for narcissist title?

@torasacramento4905

2 күн бұрын

Your comment reminds me of my first "realized trauma" with my Dad , who could be a LOT of fun, but had narcissistic tendencies or may have even been a full blown narc. I was 3-ish and my Dad had a friend over and they were drinking some kind of bourbon or something and it clicked in my mind that my mother ALWAYS brought out a tray of food for my Dad and his friends to enjoy with their drinks and "mantalk" (This was 1966-67). She was out of the house at the time, so i went into the kitchen pulled out a box of Sociable crackers (oldsters like me will remember them, and there was no cheese so I got some lettuce and tore it i up and placed leaves of it on the crackers and brought it out to my Dad and his friends, I said "I brought you a snack" and my Dad looked at me like I was crazy and said - "Lisa - this is stupid, take that back and dump it in the garbaage" or something like that. This was the first time I felt like I wanted the world to swallow me up.....

The childhood abuse I experienced was about making our family look better than other families. We were to be star quality or be subjected to lengthy lectures about our poor performance. I could go into the mess it made of me, but will leave it at recovery has come slowly. I'm in my 70s and still making gains on figuring out who I am. "Progress, not perfection."

@dailylifeexperiences560

7 күн бұрын

I'm so glad you're here. Keep growing. Hope is a Great tool in my chest 🧰.

@TimFletcher

7 күн бұрын

I'm sorry that you went through that, Esther. "Progress, not perfection" is such a healthy mantra to follow moving forward. Tim's live talk tomorrow might be helpful for you. He will be talking about subtle trauma, like parents who put all their hopes and ambitions on the shoulders of their children. kzread.infoYQoglvhSYTw?feature=share

I mold myself to fit the people I am with. No body I am around really knows who I am.

@Kim-gp9yu

4 күн бұрын

This is me too.

@kaycee625

2 күн бұрын

Same here. Question for you: do you know who you are? I don’t mean that to be disrespectful, it’s just something I’ve started thinking about recently. Nobody I am around really knows who I am - but then I don’t think I even know who I am because it was never allowed to flourish so it’s an unknown area. Does that make sense?

@estherbelleza7125

Күн бұрын

Same. My family doesn't even know my interests and my passions. And honestly I'd rather keep it to myself because they'll just use it against me.

This is so true. This is me. I'm a Chameleon. And I don't even feel like cursing the people who made me feel this, to suffer all this themselves. I'm so tired of my mind.

@herelieskittythomas3726

7 күн бұрын

Same. I just want to be left alone.

@sherileyva5908

4 күн бұрын

I can really relate to your comment. I'm way too tired to even care anymore

@user-wz7li1br5o

2 күн бұрын

​@@herelieskittythomas3726this is exactly how I feel. I'm tired of it all,my weak personality and self. I just want to detach from this world.

@estherbelleza7125

Күн бұрын

​@@user-wz7li1br5o Why do all of us have something like this, and it is something we all have in common.

Stunning idea. I had never thought of it in this way until now. I hated myself for being so weak in character, always pleasing and always trying to fit in and not being me. In my old age now, with my mind going, I hate my life even more, knowing I am no one to anyone and still not able to stand up for myself, I just go on pleasing.

@songsofthespirit

7 күн бұрын

You matter to God.

@leona2222

7 күн бұрын

You matter.

@petenkim2005

6 күн бұрын

I'm 61 and living a life as you stated too 😢

@shareewilliams6967

6 күн бұрын

Jesus loves you and cares for you and you matter to Him. You are His creation created on purpose for His purpose. There is hope in Christ, because your identity is found only in Him. You were created to please God not people. People disappoints, but He never does. If you don't know Him get to know Him by praying and reading the Bible ( start at the book of John). You're not alone, cry out to Him with a sincere heart, surrender your life to Christ and ask Him to show you who you truly are. Don't allow people to take advantage of you, set boundaries to protect your peace. If they get upset, they're not for you. Let them go. It's their lost, not yours. Blessings and Shalom

@ablanccanvas

5 күн бұрын

Recognizing, what you have just discovered here, I think opens up an opportunity to do the best you can to explore who you really are now. I understand what you are saying about your ‘mind going’. I feel that way too. Wrongs were done. Move forward now and explore who you really are. Your identity. Your soul being. Open yourself up to this opportunity. Allow yourself to rightfully discover who you are… maybe even for the first time.🤔 I am in also in this space + kind of excited to see where it can lead. Keep working at it! Baby steps. There’s nothing to loose… we can rewrite the story as we go. ♥️

This was a great video, very spot on. I grew up with an alcoholic and physically abusive father. I’m now in my 40s, and I feel completely lost. No serious career, never been married, no kids, and the fact that I’m coming up on 3 years sober is about the best thing I’ve got going for me. I’m also a Christian, but, my faith doesn’t seem to help the pain go away, it was drugs and alcohol that always seemed to do the trick. I just recently started learning about trauma and C-PTSD within the past few years, and wow, such eye-opening information! Now I know why I’m so messed up, lol. I envy people who grew up in healthy environments, but my “dark side” looks at “normal” people like they’re spoiled brats who just don’t know how good they’ve got it.

@osmos2017

6 күн бұрын

It’s not your dark side though, it’s understandably your scared hurt inner child who didn’t do anything wrong.

@JulietCrowson

5 күн бұрын

Keep praying if you're Christian and God will help 🙏🫂✝️

@ALTheFreeMan

Күн бұрын

@@msbutterflyz What does any of this have to do with shaming women???

I was traumatized by my neighbor and my family. I remember at one point my sister said to my mom "it's like she doesn't have a personality" because I really had shut myself down for years. Becoming independent as an adult has helped oddly enough. I started the type of exploring kids do in my 20s but non the less I can feel myself slowly healing little by little and I'm almost to the point where I can leave. I forgive my family and my parents. I know they will never truly understand my words but I'm happy to become adult and move on.

@dailylifeexperiences560

7 күн бұрын

I was in my late 30's, early 40's. There is hope. Life is trying but it's good.

@TimFletcher

7 күн бұрын

When it comes to healing Complex Trauma, it's never too late! It can take learning and growing over years and decades to feel truly free. It's a lifelong journey.

@MeatsuitWithaDivineSpark

16 минут бұрын

The trauma is still trapped in the body, suppressed and affects us as adults. I very highly recommend a therapist that does EMDR. I spent 20 years with other therapist but nothing really fixed the root issues and EMDR does that the very effectively. I’ve heard it said it’s like 10 years of therapy in 2 years. So I tried it and can say it definitely is.

I was constantly picked on in middle school and then in 8th grade when I was 14 my father killed himself and my mom just disappeared and left me to find someplace to live so I had to be good or I would have to find someplace else to live and now anytime someone is mad at me, I immediately assume it’s because I’m too much trouble. Being myself has never been an option.

@frizzyrascal1493

Күн бұрын

Shannon, I wish you all the best and hope you can heal from this, I’m so sorry for what you’ve endured.

My coping skill is cleaning and then feeling disrespected when someone makes a mess. Perfectionism, OCD, too sensitive..

@estherbelleza7125

Күн бұрын

That's really nice of you. In my cleaning tho, my mother doesn't acknowledge it. And then she complains about other things and brings them to my attention.

I’m so sorry for the child I was many years ago. This is exactly my story.

My identity was robbed from me. As I watch this, I'm thinking, I wish that my family members could watch this and acknowledge what happened. I think this because the information being 100% true for me, doesn't seem enough. Their invalidation is like a wall. I have done decades of work. My ability to love others has not changed, but knowing myself and being gentle and giving myself approval to simply be a person-- apart from my family's assigned roles for me-- seems impossible. If you only knew. I teach and train others and do so from care and knowledge and empathy. But I have yet to fully free myself from a narcissist family system. I am praying and crying out to God to set me free.

@leona2222

7 күн бұрын

It is a tangled web, narcissism. Just when you think you’re out, they pull you back in. I’m preparing to go no contact since grey rocking all day long isn’t healthy.

@NganHoang-dy8el

4 күн бұрын

Honesty, I think the empathetic ability is what make you can’t break free from them. Empath usually tries to survive by attend to the need, the expectation, the thoughts and the feeling of the caretaker. They sacrifice their natural sense of boundaries and individual to survive. I have this with my family as well. Even as an adult, whenever I met them, my energy get sucked so fast. Their words, opinions stay in my head even when I am far away. Only after I release a lot of attachment with them and set very strong boundaries that I feel safe. Hope my experience can help you.

@QuiDocetDiscit

2 күн бұрын

Knowledge, the truth about what's happening to you and why, can set you free from much undeserved self-blame and guilt. But the most relief will come if you're able to go "no contact" with all the toxic people in your life. They will continue to invalidate and shame you and trigger you. Stop hoping for fresh water from a poisoned well. My heart feels for you.

I'm nearly 60 and still trying to find out who I am. Luckily, I realised my family was unhealthy early on. And did some early work.. But it goes.deep.

@alexasaltz4229

2 күн бұрын

Deep, understatement. Scars upon one's soul...

Growing up Autistic was exactly this. Then developed that dark side. Went through addiction. Finally found help to quit. Its like waking up again back to a certain age. Im studying this in school too. Tim's explanations go into a lot more detail. Textbooks dont describe what it was like being like this most of one's life.

@Needy_nic

5 күн бұрын

I resonate with this. I was a walking talking replica of actors, singers, people around me, etc. I walk into a room with one accent and leave with another. Zero boundaries. Zero sense of self. Addictions to escape. Then I woke up and realized I had pushed my true self down at 12 after a S/A. I have always wondered if I'm autistic with cptsd.

I think this becomes mostly true for the kids who end up choosing love instead of being authentic. I choose being authentic instead of loved.

@user_f1

3 күн бұрын

Both of those decisions have a counter side though. You can never be loved for who you truly are goes with both of them, and that’s a quite sad thing/belief. You either reject and avoid others or yourself. In both cases there’s never really true connection.

Unfortunately, families often aren't functional and supportive. In addition, our whole societies aren't either. That's traumatising.

@christinsongbird

6 күн бұрын

We’ve lost touch with ourselves in this society. We live in one of the most unnatural times. Time to get back to our primitive state of being.

@Samantha-vlly

3 күн бұрын

My family doesn’t accept growth or learnings in life tbh. This kind of holding me back unconsciously and I’m working on it how to strengthen my capabilities.

wow this was very validating!! i started paying attention to my thoughts, emotions, reactions, experiences a few years ago and am in the process of integrating my self concept. and yes, the difference between me now and me before is that i actually feel safe to do it. i'm excited to see what my self concept is - because then i'll need to test it out since i won't know if it's my true or false self. a big reason why it took me so long to get here is that i have a belief that connecting with myself will negatively impact others. i'm not afraid of my "dark side", i'm afraid that i'm just as stupid as my mother always told me that i was. connecting to myself - having and expressing my wants and needs - will create problems for others and i'm not allowed to take up space because i'm so stupid. and yes i realize how batshit this all sounds...

@leona2222

7 күн бұрын

❤️‍🩹not bat shit. Honest.

@michaelhaskins122

3 күн бұрын

Not to me...not bs. It's real and I connect with it fully. I wish happiness in your future.

The timing of this episode is divine in origin. I am literally going through this reidentification process as we speak. I am just now developing my identity. Personality: INFJ-T, talents: cooking, creative writing, poetry, singing. Passion: helping others, creative humor, helping inspire kids, spiritual development.

@penelopepadmore3248

8 күн бұрын

I agree. This video is an answer to a prayer I was saying today.

@JesuisLord

8 күн бұрын

Perfect timing indeed I was searching this out this week, like narcissistic x has a false self but who am I ???

@sunshinesunflowerz1647

7 күн бұрын

Hi 👋🏾. An INFJ-A here

@Noora11_3

7 күн бұрын

​@@sunshinesunflowerz1647me too. I love your name, btw❤ I LOVE sunshine and sunflowers

@TimFletcher

7 күн бұрын

I'm so glad it made its way to you.

Audhd, BPD, PISD, CPTSD annnnd an INFJ/P… i am a million different people full of bins of hobbies that i just don’t touch.. drama, sports, music, teaching, various trades, art.. good at so many things that i am utterly lost. Excited to start the LIFT program this August Tim!! So excited.

@dorijoe

8 күн бұрын

What is this LIFT program?? You sound like me. 😅

@reallythere

8 күн бұрын

I'm curious too, I'm the same exactly 😮

@SueLeigh-pr8vy

8 күн бұрын

How much does it cost?

@comnandmentsdeadlysins

8 күн бұрын

Excited with and for you to be all you are intended to be. You got this! Yeah you! Yes there are people you don't know and may not meet in person who truely care about your best interests to live your best life. Thank you for lighting up my day! Priceless gift.

@martingd777

8 күн бұрын

Testing. 6 tries to answer you all and it keeps getting removed, i’m getting triggered and might ragequit you tube LMAO

I’m late diagnosed with ADHD at 37 with suspected ‘light’ autism and can relate to the whole experience of c-ptsd. I always wondered why my parents couldn’t love me for who I am, and what a clinical psych said to me the other day actually might explain it. They themselves were probably masking their whole lives, and me showing my neurodivergent traits really scared them to the point of making me shut them down instinctively. It’s an explanation that has given me comfort through understanding. Also, it reminds me that they faced similar pain as neurodivergence has a strong hereditary link. Starting to put the fragments of my broken psyche back together with the help of trauma therapy and learning about AuDHD & cptsd.

@lahicks9773

3 күн бұрын

ADHD stems from trauma. Check out Gabor Mate, he offers information about this. Please do not take stimulants as this will actually cause you more problems.

@jejelaurent9495

2 күн бұрын

Can somebody tell me how to diagnose as an adult?

@lahicks9773

2 күн бұрын

@@jejelaurent9495 look up Dr Gabor Mate ADHD

@ShinySilverBunny

Күн бұрын

​@@jejelaurent9495 go search for free tests online to take. It helped me alot. Take more than 1 test to get a broader understanding

You are a very engaging speaker with so much passion. I'm getting your message in the twilight of my 81 years but it is still refreshing. I spent half of my life afraid of who I was. Finally accepting my gayness gave me some relief but the original scars were too deep to overcome. I am basically happy now, live alone and look like I'm 65ish so that's a blessing. The Color Purple probably had the most impact of any movie. The ending to me was "what might have been" and I sobbed uncontrollably. I hope my next incarnation is more peaceful. The Gods blessings on you kind man.

I remember my family meanly mocking me because I was slow when I learned to tie my shoe laces. When I see small children at that age today my heart grows heavy. What beasts are so cruel to need such a small vulnerable being to make them the butt of their jokes?

they don't Know who they are , but they can Feel who they are .

It's taken me a long time to find out who I was, and I'm still not done. It's a lifelong journey. Grateful my HP is guiding me in the right direction

I start LIFT online in a few days. I've been surviving all my life, and am a chameleon, fractured identity. My life has only gotten worse and worse over time. I have deep rage, and have always felt lost, and aimless, and without knowing who I am...

Now I can forgive myself for wearing a mask to “survive.” AND now I can forgive the parents who were doing their best as they were still in the vice jaws of Complex Trauma themselves and didn’t have a Tim Fletcher to help them understand their unhealthiness and how to heal from it. My heart weeps for them now.

@created4passion442

8 күн бұрын

Yep this was so confirmation what Holy Spirit told me ❤so glad He faithful committed

@lahicks9773

8 күн бұрын

I am grateful for your comment. My hope is everyone will see your comment and try to understand it. Love and blessings to you. ❤

@SueLeigh-pr8vy

8 күн бұрын

@@lahicks9773 Thank you🌷

@michaelgarrow3239

8 күн бұрын

Thank you I’m struggling with this stuff now.

@debchase3330

7 күн бұрын

Me too!

Mostly I am myself. Because of this I’m rejected. I’m very quiet and introverted. I cannot change it. I also have a very high strung and staunch way of being. I like things to be a certain way and I get very upset when it’s not. I’m brutally honest with no filter. Many do not know how to take me or handle me.

@user_f1

3 күн бұрын

Sounds a bit like autism too, a lot of people with complex trauma tend to fall somewhere on the “spectrum” of neurodivergence

Tim is a saint. This information is touching thousands. To make such important guidance available publically is truly doing God's work.

I dont think I will ever fully "figure it out". I left a path of destruction behind me and the past 15 years I have been the recipient of the bad karma, as I deserve for all those I hurt. I cant help but to think of what a waste my life has been and is. Alone and in debt with no light at the end of the tunnel. I still freeze up a lot and my inner core being is a fearful little girl who is, unconsciously, still looking for someone to take care of her.

You are so spot on. You are a very educated man just overflowing with deep wisdom. Your insight is so vast but whats more is your ability to articulate your wisdom as you present it. You have mastered your craft and are an incredible gift to mankind. I have deeply identified with all of your series. They are very validating. I had many aha moments while watching you and gained a better understanding of why my brother acts out as he does. If people could be a little less brash with others and seek to understand rather than condemn I think our world would be just a little sweeter place to be.6😢76

Totally explains what happened to me

Many years ago I found John Bradford and I felt he understood me. Now I discovered you and I feel that I have found again.

I don't know who I am. At 72 I recently found out that I did NOT ruin my Teen Mom's life. That must have happened when she had her first kid...who was adopted by the CEO of SEARS. Then I figured I was just some Midwest Vanilla Girl and it turns out that my Grandfather was a powerful Chicago Gangster and I grew up in the HideOut. Being the first kid in their marriage I represented a very painful time and she projected her shame/trauma onto me. I realized as an adult that EVERYONE was ashamed of my very existence. My LIFE was a LIE. When I try to remember my past all I "see" are empty white triangles???? Even my basic Self was a lie. I'm a chill person who tries not to be noticed and I have had SO many people challenge me. i realize now that i have my Grandfather's Gangster Vibe without realizing it. I was raised a mutt when I really have the DNA of a Wolf...which lets me know eventually I will figure this out. :)

It's incredible how much I identify with all of this. Im 36 yo now, trying to overcome trauma of having 2 violent and narcissistic parents that bullied me and tortured me psicologicaly and physically all my life. And i developed that fear and confusion with my identity, and the chameleon thing which I wasn't entirely aware until some years ago. Therapy helped a lot but is still a long recovery journey. To all those with similar issues you are not alone, cling to healthy relationships with familiy and friends, and a good therapist and you will recover and be fine.

The way he explains it is very simple and clear. He did not make it a hard time.

It would be very interesting to do research to complex trauma and the development of gender dysphoria (transgender people). How many lost teenagers and young adults have decided to transition, because of not having a sense of self and finding some sort of relief in changing gender? Disclaimer: Not saying transitioning is bad or good or that gender dysphoria isn't something (partially) innate. I am however concerned about young people with complex trauma, pursuing a gender change that involves a lot of risk to one's health, eventually coming to the conclusion a gender change did not help them becoming authentic. That is just so heart breaking.

@BassBoss101

7 күн бұрын

💯

@JJ-zp6xf

7 күн бұрын

As a genderqueer person I agree. I think trauma has likely influenced the disconnection I have with my gender at birth. This also does not invalidate being genderqueer at the same time though.

@jamesreilly6612

7 күн бұрын

Sorry, but that sounds like bad faith research to me. We already have powerful transphobes arguing autistic people aren't competent to decide whether they're trans, despite clear evidence of high overlap between the two groups. It sounds like you're fishing for justifications to extend that to people with complex trauma. Why not start out with less preconceived ideas about what you might find?

@bizicki

6 күн бұрын

You have it backwards. How many people suffer complex trauma because it’s not safe to be authentic from a young age age ie your family is insanely homophobic /transphobic expressing it daily, your idea of who you are is not acceptable to the people trusted to raise you. So you have to repress your authentic gender expression , and navigating life as a trans person without a staring support network is infinitely more difficult than any cis person can ever imagine. Never mind the amount of negative messages in the media on a daily basis as well.

@user_f1

3 күн бұрын

Absolutely it is connected to trauma. Just consider how many people regret their choice and then de-transition.

Oh, if only someone besides or in addition to myself could truly help me heal.

@shareewilliams6967

5 күн бұрын

Jesus can help you heal. Look to Him as your source. Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you ( 1Peter 5:7). Jesus loves you and so do I. I will keep you in my prayers. Blessings and Shalom.

Thank you for talking about this. This is me 🥹❤️

This is absolutely factual regarding a child who dealt with complex traumas. I know. I survived. Disconnected from the hatefulness, and dreamt of a better world after I turned 18. I did that, I absconded after graduation!! By the grace of God, I began to procure a plethora of accomplishments, which afforded me respect from many who hated me once upon a time. STILL no one knew I carried a contaminated subconscious. Every time I was not working or with too much time off, All those demonic memories would push to the surface of my consciousness. I had to fight the battle in my own mind!! I am much more mindful of purging myself of past hurts because bad memories can be a formidable hindrance to one's development, growth, and evolution. 🙏🏽🔥✨️

I feel this so much as a lutheran pastor's son. I went out of my way to not be me for so long that it took a long time to find parts of myself again, still looking for the rest.

@michaelhaskins122

3 күн бұрын

Totally get you. My male parent ...he was never Dad...was a fire and brimstone So Baptist preacher. Grandparents on both sides were in the same thing. It's a brutal way to grow up. Best wishes on your journey young man. ...

IFS therapy is really practical and applicable for people wanting to move through trauma from the past. Hope Tim mentions IFS one day.

@user-kx7oi9co6w

2 күн бұрын

Agreed. Internal Family Systems therapy helped me to understand and engage with those parts of my psyche that I feared and loathed. Engaging them with compassion instead of judgement, and accepting that they exist for a valid reason, was the key to diminishing their power over me, and the conflict between them. They're all still there but they're no longer in conflict and I can decide how to respond to each of them when they emerge, which is liberating. I was sceptical of IFS and felt powerless in the face of the dominant, warring parts of my psyche, right up until the moment that each of them 'emerged' and just as quickly dissipated. The last thing to emerge was almost too awful to bear, and represented by a huge black spider, but even it is now transformed. It has become a beautiful little jumping spider that evokes no fear at all.

I still know who I am, even though I have complex trauma- which was most likely caused on purpose to make me forget who I am.

Thank you for shedding light on this❤

I don't even know who i am. It's so sad and tiring. Its exhausting living a life of fear, anxiety and people pleasing. I'm not even angry at anyone, i just want to be left alone.

Thank you so much for this video. It helps understanding the issue that is so complex and terrible. What a compassionate explanation of what truly takes place.

Thank you Mr Fletcher for all of the extremely informative videos that you do... You are saving lives giving us hope and answers to our personal dilemmas and life challenges. Blessings to all of us who are courageous enough to embark upon this healing journey of self discovery, forgiveness and self love. One step forward at a time...Let's grab this beautiful Devine gift from the Universe to live in our truth . Only then we will be free, unmasked, liberated, loved and present with our authentic self and each other ❤❤❤

Thank you thank you thank you Dr.🌿

Thank you - highly valuable work!❤

Excellent video to help with our healing process. Thank you very much Tim.

I did this for such a long time, i’d be an actor down to the tee. Until years later now, the facade has started to crack and out of that has come intense reactions i would have to people when they didn’t just ”accept the facade i was showing them”. At first i had no idea why i was getting so triggered and acting like a petty child. It generated an extreme levels of just… agony. Having spent years hiding like that, pretending to be perfect. I also recognize this so much… i’ve been in survival mode all my lfe up to this point. Now i’m trying not to see the idea of stepping out of the door as a threat or other people as threats. Living with complex trauma to me has felt like having multiple maniacs running around with knives inside me without my knowledge. I still struggle immensely with isolating myself, connecting to others as well as a very acute sensitivity to everything and everyone. But outside of therapy which i just refuse; radical self-acceptance has been the only way. To just vomit up all the bullshit norms and beliefs around ”how i should be and if i’m not; how i should treat myself” etc. As well as realizing that those difficult memories were like snapshots of a time when i couldn’t handle them, i’ve been living in those memories subconsciously for so long. This is why shadow work/inner child work has also helped me a lot, regardless how sensationalized or negative the view is on evolutionary psychology. We have to accept every single part of who we are and integrate them. We are not singular, we are the sum total of all our parts. It’s what makes us beautiful and human.

Amazing 10 minutes packed with nuggets. Thank you.

Thanks💌

Thank you, Tim, for doing what you do. You're amazing, thank you for your knowledge 🙏 ❤️.

I love this! And then I got distracted by the drum kit in the background haha. I play drums so I was curious. Such a great video and I could relate so much. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be myself as a teenager and so I tried to be someone else for years and it almost cost me my life. I've finally embraced who I was always meant to be and I couldn't be happier 🙌🏽

This video elegantly articulates my experience as a child, except that I was not mistreated (at least not in the conventional sense). I was adopted into a loving family where I nonetheless felt like an alien and completely alone. I became a chameleon in order to survive and avoid further rejection, but in the process sacrificed my authentic self. I wasn't sure what I was, let alone who I was or what I wanted to be in life. Many adoptees report growing up feeling like an 'alien chameleon' and are diagnosed with complex trauma despite relatively normal childhoods, so I am clearly not alone in my experience. The psychological profession needs to broaden its understanding of the factors that lead to CPTSD because the current definition is clearly inadequate.

Tack!

Very informative

24 years ago my school matric farewell dance had the Oscar’s as the theme. I won the Oscar for ‘The Mask’. They knew knew me before I did. It’s been a long road. But I’m me now

Thank you for sharing this information it helped me understand my life more clearly. I just subscribed ❤

This video is very helpful ❤

Excelent points

My father never had any higher education himself, but pushed me to do an education I truly disliked. I finished it, but obviously dont have work in the field I studied, because I did not enjoy it. Now I work an office job. I love learning and I cant help but think, what is I had pursued my own dreams? Feels like I wasted so many years of my life trying to please my father, ending up with a life I am not happy with, I truly resent him for it.

Finally! Thank you.

This one cuts deep...

I used to call myself a chameleon. My entire childhood is riddled with trauma abuse and abandonment. I had to adapt to so many different environments. Home had various forms of abuse, so I had to navigate that. Then my mom and dad's side were so different I had to navigate and change who I was around them. Then foster care and group homes. Not to bring race into it, but that was something I had to navigate too. I code switched a lot because I would be teased for talking like a white girl... I had to be so many different things. I'm 36 now. It took me to take healing and therapy seriously in and out of the therapists office to realize I could no longer keep that up. I have no one around me now, and I feel peace from the loneliness I was once so afraid of. I decided I didn't want to lose myself trying to keep people in my life that didn't even know the real me. It was and is a journey. I'm pregnant with my first child now, and I need to give her everything opposite of what I had. Prayers and blessings to everyone 🙏🏼 💜

I wasn’t even raised by parents. I was raised in a cult here in the US. That’s why none of these ever fully describes me. But I think all humans go through everything he describes to some extent. If healing is the goal there will be nothing but disappointment. Just have to learn to integrate.

Excellent video 👌

Love ur teachings. ❤ Reminds me of Dr. Bradshaw from throwback PBS days.

I believe God wants me to listen to this stuff to bring inner healing

thanks...so true...we weren't allowed to be ourselves...glad Im finally figuring that out...thanks for your help in that.

This seem to be cut off. Is there a follow up on idenity. How to develop personal identity l?

It's extremely valuable lecture 👍👏

Now I understand why I never had a dream. I just wanted to create a family where I belonged. I failed at that.

Truth, thank you.💖🥰

I wish i could have tried more things when i was younger but i kept hearing..."We let you try "x" and you didn't stick with it. We aren't paying for anything else". When i wanted to join the band in grade 6, i wanted to play clarinet. But my older brother played saxophone and we had one of those so that's what i had to play. Then i was criticized for not sticking to band. I didn't want to play the saxophone and i was teased and bullied for it (girls didn't play saxophone in those days). I was forced to go to piano lessons because my older siblings had, but i hated it. They finally stopped when my teacher told them to stop forcing me. But i wasn't allowed to pursue what "I" wanted.... only what they thought i should or what my older siblings did. I was also supposed to be perfect at whatever i tried right away. "Failing" was not an option. I'm 62 and have no idea what my "talent" is.....

Thank you for this. THIS is the feeling.

DANG 😮 Just described and explained my whole childhood and did-function super adaptive Adulthood… I’m crying and laughing… and grieving

I am crying

@Noora11_3

7 күн бұрын

Let us all cry together. Sending you hugs❤

@yourworstfan

Күн бұрын

That happens a lot for me these days. It's good to get it out.

M. Fletcher, your voice and your words really remind me of DJ Shadow's song 'Give me back the nights'... Thanks for your work.

this is my ex, and even though he's coming from loving parents, he grew up between two houses and was learning to be a chameleon to his separated parents. we had to break up, I couldn't be with someone who struggled to be authentic with me, even though I tried to give him space and make it safe for him to explore who he is... it's heartbreaking that an adult person goes through life just not knowing themselves and how to be true... I wish he meets himself one day. But I had to walk away, it was too difficult.

Been in fight or flight from the begenning. I have to remind myself I am safe now. Alot of work to do, but Im learning to care about me.

Your work is better than Bradshaw’s. Keep the videos coming.

58 is kinda old to be figuring out who you could/should/would have been. Being a chameleon, relationships tend to be shallow, friendships are fleeting. Always an outsider...

I'm in a marriage where im not loved, not accepted, and I can't be authentic

I try so hard to figure all this out and yet I’m constantly stuck at having no idea what I care about. I feel like I’ve detached so much that it’s hard to let myself care. It hurts too much.

Because it is the truth. I don't know who I am. All I am aware of is "I am". I be. I am. This is not just a philosophical statement. It is the fact. Ask the question - What do I truly know or unknow about that which is said to be aware of this thought, voice, body and world? It is realised that no matter what it is called; awareness, consciousness etc... The mind and body and world knows nothing nor can unknow anything about the true self other than I am. What is being presented by those that have suffered trauma is the truth. They don't know who they truly are other than they are. A glaringly obvious remedy to the trauma is being presented. They are not the misidentification with the trauma. They are not that identity. Yet the trauma is an aspect of the true self. It is upon the realisation that the pain and suffering says "Hello, I. No, not this! I am" as the truth. The pain and suffering is the true self by simply being. The misidentification is "I am not the pain and suffering". Why? Because it expresses detachment from one's true being and this is "what you see as what you get" known as trauma pain and suffering. When the pain and suffering is present, attention should be focussed on it and the body should Surrender to it with a Sigh of Relief. Two half breaths in through the nose followed by a long slow Sigh of Relief out the mouth. This is physical surrender by Vagus nerve stimulation that lowers heart rate and soothes the mind. The realisation that the pain and suffering is actually an alert to the misidentification with the pain and suffering. "I am not" is pain and suffering. "I am' is the remedy because there is the recognition that all is the true self that be: I am.

It's just dissociative identity disorder and the PTSD that I found most problematic. Amongst other things...mmm🤦‍♂️

Thank you ❤ 4:36

KZread algorithm, Thank you, Again

Great

You hit the nail on the head. So I'm messed up. How do I fix it?

Being very high IQ also means you are very different and usually make others uncomfortable just by being yourself. You have to mask and be what others need you to be or you do without friends. Add some complex trauma and a parent who derives self-worth from your accomplishments and who cannot deal with your anger and doesn't permit it at all, and the chameleon and a dark side seem to be all you have. It takes some therapy and a lot of practice to feel safe enough to discover and be your authentic self.

Psychology describes the problem very well, but for most of us, there is no solution. Stupidity, ignorance and cruelty are ubiquitous and eternal. The best we can do is endure.

I've always felt like I am "making it up" when I'm interested in things. Like I'm just pretending, because obviously I haven't got any talent and I just think it's "cool" to be interested. I don't follow through because why would I bother? It would just be more "let's pretend."

I’m not a person. I’m the canvas on which people paint their expectations of me on. I’m the collection of masks that changes depending on the person I’m interacting with. I’m pretty sure if all of my masks are ripped off or the paint washed away…there would be nothing there.

Is this video for those who have a membership only? I am a member and trying to find my perks. Ty

There are plenty of dictator mothers, too.

@annchenweidemann5694

7 күн бұрын

Indeed. Mine was the textbook example

@leona2222

7 күн бұрын

All the women in my family

I VERY much identify as a Chameleon. (a very good counsellor actually brought this to my attention in 2009 - _SINCE_ then had trauma upon trauma upon trauma added ad nauseam - PTSD from an incident in 2012, now Fibromyalgia since 2021... ) _however_ I very much DO have a very deep understanding & appreciation of who I AM - have done since kindergarten (yes, kindy - ) (ma (ma, mum, mother, The Mother - all aspects of my female parent ranging from understanding & supportive, deep & insightful - to well, 🙄*selfish* bratty CHILD (product of her parents - neither of whom should have been allowed to have children let alone two (ma & my uncle)) ma - wrote an email to her about particular detailed memories from kindergarten - luckily I got ma - not any other aspect of her mercurial temperament - did NOT say 'don't be ridiculous' = other family stories about me as a child - I had a "tricky" family situation growing up - and still to this day as an adult of 52 - no "abuse" as much (physical, S/A etc - ) but well "tricky" (unstable, unpredictable mother - believe she has (currently 87) Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissist tendencies - something I have discussed with older siblings) due to Fibromyalgia, and continued high stress levels, EXHAUSTED, in pain - very interested, will save & watch later. I will add this to my "interesting" folder to watch later. thanks in advance

Yaaaa … when I hear words like Passion and Purpose …. my brain 🧠 goes glitch glitch eF this, eF that, eF you, now go eF off … WOW why didn’t I thinking of taking a relaxing breath and focus on my purpose and passion … more BS champions of CBT DBT ACT etc etc … “My smile was taken LONG AGO. If I could change I hope 🤞 I’ll never know.” (C. Taylor)