I heard a therapist refer to narcissism as “validation addiction.”

@MissRed92837

12 күн бұрын

My narc mother and my narc brother are addicted to destroy, destroy, destroy. It gives them joy when they can destroy a person’s health, career and finances, destroy friendships and families. They are also addicted to money and wealth. But it’s really an addiction of them loving to watch other people suffer, hurt and go down.

@Monalisa0622

9 күн бұрын

​@@MissRed92837I am so sorry. This must be extremely difficult. Hope you have found a way to heal and move forward.

I was emotionally neglected, ignored and put down by my parents, who hated one another, constant tension and fights. I still didn't turn into a narcissist.

@Peruvian_Sky

9 күн бұрын

I grew up in a very similar environment. My mom was a narcissist and my middle sister was the golden child and she became a narcissist because she spent so much more time with her and my mom instilled all the wrong values in her.

@cristinlacey

6 күн бұрын

Well.. you could have been. It's a defense mechanism the body creates, searching for safety. Have gratitude.

@Nat-oj2uc

5 күн бұрын

It's not that simple. No one knows what exactly the difference when one turns into the narc and the other isn't. But definitely its related to childhood trauma

The harm they do to others is unforgivable but understanding the behavioral pattern on a deep level helps to let go of the grudges against them. I feel indifferent which is a blessing.

@jayney6176

Ай бұрын

The power to forgive the unforgivable is a capability or endowment that you can ask God for. We disqualify ourselves from forgiveness -- in the universe -- when we do not forgive others. Oftentimes they do not deserve to be forgiven. But neither is anyone truly deserving. This is why the transaction of Jesus' death and resurrection on the cross -- on behalf or every individual -- was necessary. It allows an order of being that permits free choice while repairing the damage of our sin, in terms of our relationship with a holy God, and in its full expression, with others, with ourselves, and with nature. God's justice includes forgiveness... because He is merciful and does not want anyone to perish in eternity. Orherwise, we would have no hope of "coming clean."

@biddibee3526

Ай бұрын

Everything is forgivable if you try. Forgiveness isn’t for the bad guy it’s for you.

@jimmyriddle3899

Ай бұрын

@@biddibee3526 Heard it all before. That‘s common belief. In my experience forgiveness is not something that I can consciously initiate because it’s out of my power. Sometimes it happens naturally, sometimes it doesn’t. I don’t need forgiveness for myself. I’d rather go for indifference.

@jimmyriddle3899

Ай бұрын

@@jayney6176 I respect your believes but I don’t share them. We all have a choice to decide what we’re going to do and who we want to be. But people don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. So they sin and pray. Like little children. But that’s exactly what plays in the hands of the church. To gain power over people. Jesus' horrible death on the cross wasn’t necessary at all. The very opposite, in my opinion, is true. The cruelty and inhumanity drawn by this image is a blueprint that led to inconceivable cruelty and brutality in the name of god - Religious wars, crusades, inquisition. Sadly, the highest dignitaries of the catholic church have been guilty of the greatest sins. I like the idea that jesus didn’t really die on the cross. Some people believe he got taken down from the cross secretly at night, was hidden and maintained, so that he was finally able to flee and live a long and fulfilled life in India. That would be something, wouldn’t it. God bless

@richellepeace4457

Ай бұрын

I will be sure to keep that mindset if I see a child being stolen....

The explanation of the story of Narcissis was awesome. My mother has a clear pattern of these behaviors and I have tremendous compassion for her and whatever trauma and neglect led to this. However, she is still responsible for her behavior though she will never accept that. Her lack of willingness take responsibility or respect any boundary is the reason I have as little contact with her as possible. I am heartbroken. I only want her to be happy but it isn't in my power. No amount of love from me can make her love herself and I get abused any time I have contact with her.

@OutOfHereSoon

28 күн бұрын

I totally relate to your comment.

@caroleminke6116

21 күн бұрын

I went no contact two years before mine died after I finally saw the real hatred she felt for me, so I had to let go… it was a truth that most of us don’t want to face but absolutely necessary to free ourselves & become indifferent to the manipulation that is simply unacceptable ❤️‍🩹

@liana2136

17 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I understand your perspective, and the way you explained your situation is very helpful as I try to navigate dealing with my mother, who turns everything into an argument. I hope you can find some peace.

@marymc6701

17 күн бұрын

same my friend!

@mandymckeown8625

16 күн бұрын

Same 😢

It is often the golden child within the dysfunctional narcissistic family who follows suit and becomes a narcissist. They spend a lot of time with the narcissist so its not always that a neglected child becomes a narcissist, its more about the type of attention that kid gets. They are valued not for learning to be a good person, but instead for superficial reasons such as appearance. They are taught all the wrong things.

@cynthiamayo7575

4 күн бұрын

This is exactly how the story went in my family! Four children in all, me the scape goat left home at 16, the invisible child institutionalized with mental illness, the other left at 15 to drugs alcohol and prostitute.... and then the golden child who was always elevated above the rest thought she would marry money but instead chased married men and destroyed 3 families before she was too fat and had multiple plastic surgeries leaving her freakish.... still narcissistic and blaming everyone else. There is zero contact with any of us other than that narcissistic mother and her golden child. No winners, just survivors. Sad story.

Comparing it to an addiction and attempting to meet their needs in ways of when they were children is a great perspective. This has been the best analysis I have heard on the disorder. I believe it will help in my own healing from these kinds of relationships and allow me to further let go and embrace healthier relationships and forgive. God bless

*However, doesn't make them less disgusting and exhausting to be around!* Thank you Tim!!!

@r3sfernjbb

19 күн бұрын

Right! They know exactly what they are doing when they hurt someone.

@bridgetmcgiggles4528

15 күн бұрын

Just as an addict knows......

@erinm9445

14 күн бұрын

@@r3sfernjbb I don't think they do TBH. Or at least not all of them, and not all of the time. People are masters of self-deception.

@jillrhodry1139

13 күн бұрын

@@r3sfernjbb exactly! I really don't care about the wound of shame, go get help - if they're charming with those outside the home and are evil ragers inside the home they can turn it off and on - they know exactly what they're doing and simply don't care.

@jillrhodry1139

13 күн бұрын

@@erinm9445 if they're charming, nice and generous to others and cruel to the family/loved ones - they change deliberately, they know exactly what they're doing.

Unable to connect because the parent/s weren't available and unable to truly connect with them. I also think they are looking for validation they never got as a child. Children see themselves through their parents' eyes. The parenting that is thrown at them, is the way they see themselves. Empty. Scared. Unable to know who they are, connect with self or others. The narcissism is a cover-up.

@pinapple60

Ай бұрын

I agree on this one.

@lanishortsunshine5773

29 күн бұрын

Yup...hide it all ...all the time

@lanishortsunshine5773

29 күн бұрын

As a child ...we were probably aware ...of cover ups ....more now , as an adult of age 50.. 🤐😕

@lovingnature1151

28 күн бұрын

I agree with this however I do not believe they are looking for the validation they did not receive. They find narcissistic supply. Someone who falls for the initial love bombing, a equally shame based codependent that believes this is love only to find themselves in horrific pain in the domestic violence cycle but unknowingly until they learn and leave, or gets discarded for new supply or ends up dead. Sadly.

@alex___rhea

17 күн бұрын

They aren’t unable. They choose not to.

I let a narcissist stay at my home and it was the biggest mistake. He tried to take over my everything in my home. Everything. I ended up staying in my room to avoid him. I finally kicked him out but 2 years later I am still in a lot of pain and anger about everything he said and did. He was my husbands friend and they wanted to start a band but as soon as he got here that was not happening. I will never again be so stupid.

@alonzomosley7

16 күн бұрын

I did this my narc brother but only for a few weeks ,that was enough he took over everything and complained about everything in my house .I am telling you I needed a week to recover from the emotional abuse .

@bridgetmcgiggles4528

15 күн бұрын

Codependency?

@domesticdiva708

13 күн бұрын

That sounds like Israel..you are luckier though.

@laurengriffin1091

10 күн бұрын

@domesticdiva708 Nah sounds like Pakistan. You are a troll

I first learned this when reading Christopher Lasch's "The Culture of Narcissism: Life in a Time of Diminishing Expectations." Good book.

Do NOT have empathy for them,they will destroy YOU! We all have trauma, Making excuses for them isn't helpful to anyone.

@Needy_nic

24 күн бұрын

Some trauma is repressed, meaning it was too painful to deal with and therefore as a child who has no escape, they shove it deep down, out of their awareness. This means that there is deep pain which they are not aware of, and even though others can see it clearly, many things have been so normalized nowadays, unfortunately. As Tim explains in his videos what is ideal is offering them a safe space to get them to see their behavior. Because they're living in their shadow they cannot see what you see. It feels normal to them even though they know they are suffering. Demonizing them only makes them retreat more into their shadow, hating themselves more. If they have hurt you, then you're not the one to help them. It's going to take things like spreading these videos around, circulating material like this that will hopefully provide a platform where they are not villainized. They will eventually, after identification, open up to the idea that "this sounds like me"..... And then doing the work of healing. They will suffer tremendously, because reality to this extent is more than just a tough pill to swallow. It's devastating. stefanossifandos.com/signs-you-are-in-your-shadow-masculine/

@mvbigmagic4048

13 күн бұрын

I can't help but agree. Everyone has trauma. But narcissists CHOSE to hurt people. We know they CHOOSE to hurt people, because they can hide their abuse in public, and be horrible in private, when they think they can get away with it. Their behavior is a CHOICE.

@ladyvirgo9514

13 күн бұрын

@@mvbigmagic4048 exactly 💯 plus they don't show themselves in the beginning. They shape shift depending on who they are around

@Monalisa0622

9 күн бұрын

​@@mvbigmagic4048exactly. This is how I realized my estranged (now deceased husband) knew exactly what he was doing. He would hide it. Actually he would smile in public come really close to my face and say hurtful things. But I am healing now. Thanks to these videos, therapy and the love of God.

@Nat-oj2uc

5 күн бұрын

Exactly. It's slippery territory we're entering as society, where narcs are being apologized. It's like serial killers if they can't help it can you really judge them kinda problem. Yes you can. They still will hurt you whether you understand them or not

I believe my ex husbands narcissism stems back to not feeling loved from his mother and never having a good father figure! Also having to start parenting at the age of 5! My ex husband was a child in so many ways. He has been so evil to me and doesn’t like to see me thriving so he has alienated our 4 children from me. It’s so complex.

What is interesting and in a way reassuring about narcissists is that they all display the same behaviour. Which is what makes them identifiable. So know one and you know them all. The one in my life now hurt me deeply but because i had some knowledge and understanding of the condition he did not annihilate me which was his intention. There needs to be a way of helping these people because of the damage they do to individuals as well as society. I was almost annhilated by my narcissistic father but after a lifetime of therapy i have recovered my authentic self. So it is possible.

@erinm9445

14 күн бұрын

Did you watch the full video? Because one of the things it is explicitly about is that a diagnosis can't cover the complexity of human behavior, and that no two people with narcissistic personality disorder are the same.

There is not always a deep wound at childhood it can be simply that the child sees the narcissistic Parent as having all the power and chooses this way of being .

@bridgetmcgiggles4528

15 күн бұрын

Having a narcissistic parent is in itself a deep chilhood wound.....

@marizacabral5141

15 күн бұрын

​@@bridgetmcgiggles4528oh yes! Major wound.

@VickiWells-lg5ub

15 күн бұрын

I guess what I was trying to point out here is the narcissistic tendencies are a choice every single person makes … it comes from a profound rejection of empathy by each person whether young or old . It becomes a life long habit each time one chooses not to consider any one else as having the same rights as you give yourself … children of narcissist s can reject the lifestyle of a narcissist and their wounds … I know because I am one . The starting place is asking the question of why have I been given life , who gave me life ? Who did the creator of life and me create me to be?

@phoenixrisin2269

14 күн бұрын

@@VickiWells-lg5ubEveryone has narcissistic tendencies but there is a huge difference in NPD, BPD, and DPD. These people will destroy you in a relationship with them. They can’t ever change even after dialectic therapy except for a very short time.

@VickiWells-lg5ub

13 күн бұрын

@@phoenixrisin2269 I agree with all you have said . Only the creator can get to these people and make the changes that need to be but again it is their free will to accept the creators truth or reject it.

Why do parents who exhibit these narcissistic patterns direct abuse and damage towards their children? My parent instilled so much shame and condemnation in me, that I battle to "de-program" myself in a sense. In the case of me and my siblings, why did narcissism not develop in us?

@jennifermoody6987

Ай бұрын

What I've discovered throughout my own research and personal experiences, is that many parents who suffer from some form or disorder of narcissism, have a tendency to cause their children to become highly sensitive people(HSP) or even Empaths.. and although that's not ALWAYS the case when there are multiple children involved, it's highly likely that at least one of them will become highly sensitive, while the other children may follow in their parent's footsteps.. it's quite an interesting concept to explore, because narcissism and empathy are on the same spectrum, but are on opposite ends of it.. it's the Empaths and HSP that generally break the painful cycle of narcissism in their families..

@pinapple60

Ай бұрын

@@jennifermoody6987I can vouch for this, this is what’s happened in our family, Two of my Sisters are extremely tough actually to the point of being hard, One has definitely mellowed with age although she is still very outspoken! But she has a soft centre also she suffers with the green eyed monster that’s insecurity though, The other one has become harder and harder with age she’s extremely bitter and angry a lot and loves to humiliate especially when with an audience, she pokes the bear so to speak over and over until you crack, I have just stood up to her for the first time ever and I didn’t hold back at all and with her it’s all about the win! She even quoted that with an X partner to three of her four children when years later he was asking for his share of the house and her last words to him were “Let the battle comence”! She wore in to the ground when they were together for 12 years he lost all sense of self, was severely depressed, worked nights all through their relationship, They were celibate after their 3 rd child together. Strange thing she can be extremely kind and caring as well so it’s quite confusing and she was a really good mother but very controlling.

@lovingnature1151

28 күн бұрын

Unsure but it may be the degree of trauma and severity of suffering and the type of abuse that makes narcissistic personality disorder. I also believe it is genetically passed as I have witnessed this, traits towards this npd expression.

@Lizbeth36961

21 күн бұрын

@@jennifermoody6987I’m the HSP, older sister is narcissistic and the other one is BPD. Welcome to my life. My brother passed away, he suffered from clinical depression like myself.

@clairevariandeacon6906

17 күн бұрын

​@@jennifermoody6987This was such an accurate and insightful comment. It was very true in my family.

The world has witnessed too many narcissistic leaders who have spoiled their own country due to their selfishness and narcissism is on the rise now in this digital era. So identifying a narcissist and safeguarding themselves are essential for many of us. Thanks for explaining the causes.

It’s not an excuse. It’s an explanation.

@heinzii7834

7 күн бұрын

Klopp?

This is the most insightful grounded talk on narcissism i have found on You Tube. I met the male narcissist in my life almost a year ago. When he was young he was strikingly beautiful. Now in his mid 50s he was very attracted to me but i wanted a relationship which he could not do. I knew about narcissism because my father had it and tried to help him. Impossible dream. It is so sad. I have been helped by John Bradshaw in my own healing journey. I attended a talk he gave here in Sydney Australia. I remember reading his book about shame which has played a big part in my life too. Thank you for this talk.🇦🇺

Today I had an urgent problem (terrified of a scary dog that was in my back yard... fear of dogs after being attacked as a child) and foolishly knocked on my mother's door for emotional support. She was so selfish and toxic, didn't listen and just spoke very harshly, raising her voice, trying to get rid of me. I was set off and told her to stop using a disrespectful tone. It escalated into a horrible argument, she was very sarcastic and refused to be accountable for her harshness... then I screamed at her... i lost control. She makes me so angry because the abuse has been going on for years. I'm her neighbor and can't take it anymore. She is soooo controlling, invalidating, critical, mean, and at times downright evil. I feel trapped with no way of escape. I just hate my life. I was trying to grey rock but i just get too triggered sometimes and just need to stand up for myself. It really is hell having her for a mother. This video does help me see why she's the way she is. Thank you.

@bonnielewin8520

15 күн бұрын

I chose to move almost an hour away from people who are Narcissists in my family to get some peace in my life.

@lucyt-c8092

14 күн бұрын

I hope and pray for you to distance yourself from your toxic mother. At least spend some mental energy thinking about physical distance. Can you rent your place and move across town ?Can you put in a door on your house ( I am assuming a house?) that opens AWAY from her house? A big wall ? ..

@misspatvandriverlady7555

12 күн бұрын

“Standing up for” yourself is pointless and accomplishes nothing but a sore throat and raised blood pressure. You will not change her. Her opinion of you is irrelevant because it is based in a fantasy morality play where she needs a villain. No situation you are in will ever be made better by involving her. Keep trying on the gray rocking. It took me years of effort to stop seeking my mother’s support; she knew just how to get me to seek it; acting all “I’m the loving mother who just wants to help”, right up until she got information she could use to hurt me. She still tries to extract information from me; since all her subtle techniques result in nothing, she has resorted to more direct “I feel like we hardly ever talk anymore… if there’s anything I can do to help (I’ve been widowed with my two kids for going on 21 months now)… oh, I’m upsetting you (at the slightest hint of emotion)…”. Treating me like a foolish, emotional, helpless child. Never with respect. Many parents will never show their children a shred of respect, no matter what. All we can do is care as little for them as we would for a stranger. 🤷‍♀️ Perhaps a bit more, for practical/legal reasons, but still. 🤔

@katyb2793

11 күн бұрын

I just want to say there's nothing wrong with you because you lost it. There's a term for this I can't remember what. But it's a normal response from a victim because you've tried and tried and tried and had self control, but in a moment when you were weak (very scared in this case) they pounced on the opportunity to get to you and you crumbled. You'll probably be blamed and villainised for this outburst. And while I'm sure you'd rather it didn't happen, we're not robots and you eventuality couldn't take it anymore, particularly after all the abuse piling up. I highly recommend researching this. Don't allow yourself to feel ashamed over this or like you deserve any abuse. It's not your fault, you tried your best. Sending you a big hug ❤ I'm terrified of spiders and my fear is always and has always been met with anger. So I fully understand. Be very wary of when you're stressed, scared, sick, tired, etc because these are all times when our guard is down a little bit and we're more likely not to cope. All the very best to you ❤

@oaktreecottageequestrian5252

9 күн бұрын

​@@katyb2793Believe the term is "Righteous Rage"

This may be the best video on what a narcissist is, like wow I can very much identify and I think I'm one

@milliewoo337

Ай бұрын

For my own research & inquiry… if you’re open to it, could you tell me why you think this? What symptoms made you believe so? I’ve never heard of a narcissistic person accepting their flaws, except in addiction recovery… but I’ve been thinking for a long time that my definition of a narcissist was maybe too rigid. Anyway thanks, & blessings to you

@raphaelantoine7331

Ай бұрын

I'm glad you ask questions. In my own experience, I've always had the feeling of having to comply to high expectations because I was told I was maybe gifted in school and because my parents took personal pride in thinking their childrens were smart, which is something I've felt was a little toxic. I've also been praised in my life many times for some of my intakes, my curiosity, some personal qualities but I could never accept these praises. I always knew I was underperforming in my life and that I could do better. I was always very timid, shy, very ashamed of myself even tough people told me that I'm not as bad as I say or act like. I've always felt different and I could not give myself any empathy. Most adults seeing the tortured child that I was were wondering what was going on and I felt guilty for being so hard to understand. I wish I could get rid of my personal difficulties instead of accepting myself and working with self compassion. Because I could not accept myself with all this shame I feel exactly like the narcissism described in this video. I was and still am doing lots of psychological research about why I am the way that I am but I still know that all this research is really a way for me to give legitimate reasons for me to accept myself and my failures because that's is the hardest thing for me, all my shame is there. Feels like mental masturbation to think all the time because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions and I'm afraid of vulnerability. Because I was always pretending to do well and I could never open up to my parents but I did open a little with some friends, I never learned to be myself. For that reason, I can never find true motivation and I keep failing in all aspects of life. I've also rejected love because I was too ashamed of myself and I was afraid of hurting the other as a consequence of my lack of empathy towards myself and others. Admitting that I kinda let my emotions ruin most of my potential is tough but I know there is something real about the human condition that I need to look into. Anyways, I hope that answers your question and I will gladly answer more if you wish :)

There is NO EXCUSE for their evil behaviour! They know exactly what they are doing and how they are hurting and killing others, but THEY DON’T CARE! Because they believe that they are better than everybody else and that they can do whatever they want.

I never forget meeting an ex student of my father.She burst out with a tirade of comments about my father ,not complimentary .I was embarrassed but she only told the truth .

Wow!!! Many thanks to you. You broke this down wonderfully. If only people could grasp this . They would suffer less from others and their own narcissist behavior. ❤❤

This just changed the game!! Thank you for this explanation!!!!!!!! Makes PERFECT sense!!

After a year of reading about this- best explanation ever Thank you

I love this channel I've studied mental issues and complex trauma all my life and with these videos EVERYTHING becomes crystal clear incredibly fast. Thank you very much for your videos!! I dislike therapy but I would absolutely do therapy with you ! I feel it would be accurate and fast ( of course assuming I would do the work required to refine my behaviour )

Some people I know who are always complaining about narcissist are very narcissistic themselves.

@Blessed591

Ай бұрын

Being exposed to narcissistic abuse can trigger reactive abusive behaviour in the victim as they try to survive or handle the narc abuse .

This is amazing... I really which I would have heard this 20 years ago... Thank you for clarifying these things about the topic of narcissism.

No need for self love, we just need to learn how to love, and let it in. That's all self love is. Receiving love and giving it again.

Thank you for educating me on his excuses 😊

Finally, fundamentals rather than shallow story of patterns

Thank you VERY much for making this vitally important video and I'm feeling relieved because I'm a person who isn't comfortable with labelling others either! I have even been criticised, or shamed in one case, by extremely popular experts on the subject for stating my views. I won't go into the details now, as I don't have time and it wouldn't be right to name them. I've found other content creators who have similar beliefs, which is great, but one says that it's a mental illness, whereas I see it as a way of coping with extreme childhood trauma, or having no boundaries. I want to add that I'm aware that people with highly narcissistic behaviours cause immense harm and I've been hurt by many, including my late parents, over the years as well, so I'm NOT excusing them. It's just that there are valid reasons for the way they operate in the world. I've also heard narcissism counsellors state that not one of them has ever changed, and NEVER will, which isn't right at all. 💜

A great explanation. Thanks.

No, no forgiveness here.

@adissuljic8503

Ай бұрын

😔

@ladyvirgo9514

27 күн бұрын

They will destroy you if you carry empathy for them. We know this, I feel your hurt,sorry you experienced it

@Lemoncare

27 күн бұрын

@@ladyvirgo9514 your timing and support is amazing. I’m being summoned and the internal tug of war is intensifying. Thank you for your comment.

@ladyvirgo9514

27 күн бұрын

@@Lemoncare you've got this🙏

@Lemoncare

27 күн бұрын

@@ladyvirgo9514 thank you. Self compassion. No more denial. My recovery first.

First time hearing the why. Just like in any lifecycle, it could be mitigated at different stages. The person also has to want to do the work. Environment is constantly fueling thus message to be basically narcissistic. Social influence. Nature and nurture.

@lovingnature1151

28 күн бұрын

Rarely, very rarely are they capable to do such work. Many therapists are fooled by them.

Out working the trauma and shame. ❤❤

I suffer from alot of narcissistic traits but i do not get joy from bringing down others i just tend to do it then im left feeling guilty and yearning to fix myself.

Yes, I so agree ❤

Vampires of the soul

@lovingnature1151

28 күн бұрын

Yes. Emotional Vampires. Dealing with people who drain you dry. Read the book. 🌻

@ladyvirgo9514

27 күн бұрын

Exactly

I always wondered if my mother was a narcissist. Her weapon of choice for punishment was the silent treatment. Imagine giving your 11-15 year old the silent treatment. I'd have to slowly, ever so slowly, break the ice and she'd start to crack. If it was really bad, I'd leave her a note to apologize and take the blame. She could never admit she was a fault. EVER!

Ive never heard this explained so clearly have you got this written down . Question what is the difference between this and borderline personality disorder.

Wow. Makes sense.

Narcissism is on the system/culture. Not all cultures are like this and you barely see these patterns of behaviors in those. Coming from someone who has studied anthropology.

My ex almost destroyed me and our daughters … sympathy kept me there too long. His “next high” was a young woman, the same age as our daughters. I cannot forgive him for his damaging our daughters.

Yes, so it is...we've no rights to stigmatize others...personality is just too complex..but to describe the persona is different..😊

Why is thete so much hate and pure evil in this disorder, even against their own children. No parental instinct. Shame produces all these issues?

@Filibie

Ай бұрын

You become what you hate. I have a narcissistic father. Swore never to be like him. Only to find out (by the grace of God) I was doing exactly that. Got saved just in time to reprogram. It's unexplainable, really. But it happens. The hate is really towards oneself. But it's projected onto everybody and everything.

@suaemp4488

Ай бұрын

​@@Filibie ❤

@Filibie

Ай бұрын

@@suaemp4488 ❤️

@positivevibe7684

Ай бұрын

​@Filibie Well said. They are disappointed and ashamed of themselves and project it on others closest to them.

Its all human nature and its facinating

Unable to leave the illusion of themselves because of their Shame. Tragic. Cowardly.

Serial cheating and betraying commitments. Not adhering to committed relationships because one feels that they have the right to deceive and manipulate, not caring how their behavior affects the person they’re deceiving is not a result of a deep wound. That’s a demon.

I’ve damn near been destroyed by narcissists esp in these past few years. Sadly some are blood, others just selfish broken pll. Nvr again

Victim's of narcissism invest far more time in trying to understand the malady than its carriers. We want to understand the WHY so we can forgive to some degree and move on.

It sounds like Narcissism is the creation of a perfect alter ego that's used to escape the shame felt about the true self and so get one's needs for love, power and respect met. In essence they believe one has to be worthy. Only by being perceived as perfect can they ensure they are worthy to receive everything they need

Sad.....i see ...me ....here ..... I feel so much , think. So much ....but Yea , this is sad even tho it explains . I pray ibtend to heal .somehow ..... 😔😑

What about the kinda people like mentalhealedness or his sometimes partner ben? They're trying to make it clear that these kind of people don't change and even though they are trying to they still have these experiences and "symptoms"?

What is wrong with my father who gives all his power to my narcissistic mother and has the same attitude as her. He changes from nice to adverse in seconds just like my mother. He has aggressive, violent outbursts. Otherwise he creates an image of himself as sociable. But his behaviors don't match, just like my mother's. What is wrong with him? ☹️

@lovingnature1151

28 күн бұрын

Think it is a coping mechinism adapted to survive the traumatic abuse in early childhood development.

@momo90416

28 күн бұрын

My father is this way too. I don't know but I think perhaps there is codependency and enmeshment involved.

@lilleeball1148

20 күн бұрын

perhaps your mother is overt & your father is covert?

Could Evil itself be diagnosed as a mental illness? For example, "My father has Evil Personality Disorder as described in the DSM 5?"

If I'm in Australia will it cost me more than the member fee quoted to join.

That explanation might be the case for Some, but it still doesn't give them the right to become mean nasty bullies. And what I've witnessed with my own eyes, is how my brother was RAISED to become a narcissist. There were no deep wounds there. He was put on a pedestal for being male. Waited on hand and foot. Got him to belief he was something special. And had special rights. Bit by bit he was 'groomed' towards narcissism. My mother blind to the abuse of idolizing she did to him. Well... she paid a heavy price for that. And his sisters too and the world at large. She taught him he could get out under any obligation by just protesting it. He is smart, but didn't even finish high school. He's in a constant 'war' to subdue the world around him.

@erinm9445

14 күн бұрын

It sounds like your brother was a golden child. The golden child role is very harmful to children, and can be traumatic, just as the scapegoat and other roles are and can be. All of these roles prevent parents from seeing and connecting to their children authentically and as they actually are. I'm sorry you won the crappy family lottery though, none of that makes it any easier to deal with a damaging family member.

@gardenjoy5223

14 күн бұрын

@@erinm9445 Yeah, I believe it is so. And indeed, that family was toxic. Thank you for your sympathy. Everything was so double. They did give me some sort of love every now and then. But on the other hand they also taught me through numerous daily instances, that I had zero worth. Set me up for a life of great pain and hardships. By the time I was sixteen I was severely depressed and actively thinking about suicide. No one even ever noticed. I told my older sister later in life and she was utterly surprised. Then again, my sister had a friend across the street, that was an only child and she was more there than at home. She realized that's what had protected her. I myself found real kindness and a saving faith in Jesus Christ in a youth group at the age of 17. Had some deep healing to do for years. Then I started to pay it forward. Got married and we became foster parents for teenagers. Found out we were excellent in raising troubled kids and I studied to become a pedagogue (Master, cum laude). We have had over 50 children, mostly unwanted teenagers, in our care over 30 years (group home in a family setting). Had I not known so deeply what bad upbringing does to a child, I might not have been half as insightful. Co-workers kept wondering how I knew so much. It's a combination of a high IQ and intense experience. The child that thought she had no talents whatsoever, became the grown-up with the many talents and skills. The child they had groomed to be a king, became a pauper.

Let me if I got this right. Person sees a reflection of themselves, but s/he isn't able to connect to himself or herself, to fully give themselves. Filling their own cup and giving love from their overflow. Instead, said persons engages in unhealthy behaviors to elicit a false sense of humility.

It seems to me the Narcissist is constantly TELLING you how great he is and the conversation is all about him and what he does and how great he is...I don't think many people buy it, they see through it. No?

People are born with patterns. If everyone truly knew what everyone was thinking then no one would have any friends and relationships would not be a thing. Relationships are just two insecure individuals that use and tolerate each other for their own selfish needs and wants all for the fear of being alone. They are all toxic on some level and narcissistically controlled by one. This is not love and this is no way to live but most and many do out of fear. All relationships are full of lies, deceit and manipulative manipulation due to hate which comes from fear. Everything we do is out of fear. People will colour it and dress how they like, but humans are inherently selfish and evil

@TheAptimn

Ай бұрын

like no one ever did anything good for you? what you are expressing is a split defense. ppl are ppl. it's not black and white. it can be that some people are absolutely bad to you, but then you need to take care and walk away

@steelearmstrong9616

Ай бұрын

@@TheAptimn ☘

@johncampbell631

Ай бұрын

It sounds like you could use some therapy. Circling the drain of nihilism does no one any good. If people were only evil, the concept of evil wouldn't exist. Concepts can only be explained in terms of contrast; what *is* part of the described category - as well as what *isnt.* You can't have short without long or dark without bright. By claiming people are evil, you unintentionally imply goodness exists. By understanding goodness as a human, you must have some experience of what good should be. How could you understand that as a consumately evil creature?

@positivevibe7684

Ай бұрын

@steele From your post, it sounds like you have been deeply hurt. May you find love, peace, happiness, and joy within. ❤❤

@RippleDrop.

Ай бұрын

Relationships ought to be conditional between adults. We can still appreciate the autonomy of another person.

I think im one of them and I have super low self esteem, can I be one ?

By this definition, you could almost call me a narcissist, but I'm not one. I am the one who fell foul from two of them, which set about a lot of these feelings, but I never gain joy or satisfaction or validation from using and hurting other people... which is what narcissism is all about. I think this definition is a way off. The pattern of narcissism is generated from entitlement. Entitlement to disrespect others, that it is ok to lie, hurt others, obsessive need for attention and control.

It's not dangerous. People are doing labeles constantly: this person is funny this person is boring this person is depressed this one is narcissistic. That's how human mind works. It's natural to put things in people inro categories. Yes it causes stereotypes and judgments but again theres function to it. It's absolutely irrelevant whether you understand what caused it or not they'll still gonna hurt others with their behaviour

They will take your soul if they could.

Do most narcissists deal with body dismorphia? In other words, they can't even look at their own face even as time passes

Sometimes you just need to believe that yes a narcissist is born that way. Please don’t lie to people anymore.

Narcissists actually use this on you to tell you your the narc. Your childhood traumas that you tell them and they then weaponise. Crazy due to your family and childhood. Coz trauma gets blamed for making narcs. My ex had a not bad childhood. He feels like he was tortured but in comparison to mine it was a walk in the park. He hurts you and others but its your fault coz your crazy and make him do it, with your messed up family and life. Before me, its his dads fault for how he behaved. So i dont think childhood always is significant, some are just born.

So it is about a wrong self perception?

@lovingnature1151

28 күн бұрын

It is about a severely damaged traumatized wounded inner core that fed the wrong self perception in early developmental childhood through Adverse childhood conditions that were experienced as "extremely not emotionally safe" by 1 or both parents. The child develops coping mechinisms to survive the horrendous abuse. Sadly.

if that does not affect self efficacy that's ok

Aren't you describing the cycle of rage and restoration of ego sentricity in the Narcissius pool analogy. People mistakenly believe that narcissist character is image based. It is an endless and inescapable hall of mirrors. A "Devil's" trap metaphorically, I don't believe the devil is involved, however the expression " the demons inside us all" does arrise. While it may be academically interesting, are you living with one?

What causes the shame?

@sunnybein1

11 күн бұрын

Their invalidating parent/s.

'Self love' is a modern pop concept that does not really work in practicality at all. I'd refrain from using that as an explanation and just refere to severe trauma followed by core shame as an explaining factor.

This is fucking insane thank you

I absolutely don’t agree with any of this. I believe from what I have seen and worked with that the narcissist has been place on a pedestal by his/her parents and has NO shame. I worked in a prison as a nurse, and I have a mother who is a narcissist. I struggled for years to try and figure her out. Since working in a prison and of course many narcissists and other deviant personalities I have witnessed that it is,the narcissist who is interviewed and gives the eventual sob story of being a victim. I hear them laugh and tell,others it is a pack,of lies. Lucky for me or maybe observance and questioning, my mother had siblings. Their side of her story is very different from hers. They have told me that she was adored and almost worshipped by her parents while the other siblings could never live up to expectations. She continued to dominate their lives and she always told them that she knew more, worked harder and suffered the most in childhood. Her sibling and her cousins say she was adored, doted on and got out of work many times. Her brother died hating her and how he was treated. Her sister and her (now 93 and 94 years old) still phone each other and bicker over little things with my mother always pulling the I know more than you card because she went to university. I can’t see shame and hurt causing the superiority she felt and lorded over everyone. Especially given the information from both sides. I wonder how many narcissistic patients had their relatives spoken to. I know the prison system only interviews the prisoners and not the family. I’ve heard both sides and it’s not like what you and other researchers are saying. How can this be? Have you interviewed both sides? Narcissists are great at setting you up and shutting up their family. I just don’t get it. I was shamed and hurt and trod upon as a child, I turned out shy, scared, mistrustful and not liking myself and certainly not boastful,know it all, trod on other people. I was a doormat. How can this be?

I wonder if patriarchal or imdividualistic societies are more accepting of it. Or if it just looks different in a more egalitarian society.

@benkyle76

13 күн бұрын

No. Rates of NPD have increased in all societies. It seems to be more of a disorder of affluence and the overwhelming abundance of prosperity compared to times of mass individual farming or even hunter gatherer societies. If people were like that back then, they would have simply died or been shunned into compliance.

You lost me, i no longer agree with that belief system, i used to but i dont any longer...glad to say i grew out of that!! Yes, my dad was 'made' into one....but i now can imagine and believe some can emerge & either give equal lack of care or even excel in their lack of care because to them its fun to see how twisted some humans get in the face of such uncaring callouseness! End of....

Parents beware. You can screw up your kids!!!!!!

Narcissus rejected the love of a nymph called Echo and he was cursed by the gods to fall in love with his own image. The willful rejection of love is a key part of the story. I am not so sure that no one is a narcissist. If that is the case, then no one is a diabetic. My mother wasn't born with diabetes, but through a pattern of behaviors and choices, she has become a person with improperly controlled blood sugar, i.e. a diabetic. Of course, no one is born a narcissist. But if they show a consistent pattern of narcissism in their life, what is wrong with calling them a narcissist?

@ladyvirgo9514

27 күн бұрын

Exactly 💯 They try to destroy others and they find pleasure in inflicting pain upon others

@_xiper

23 күн бұрын

Nothing. It is an attempt to invalidate people who use the word. It is a denial because somehow some people think that 'they also suffer and therefore they aren't deserving of labels that carry a lot of stigma', without ever giving thought to why there's so much stigma surrounding the term. Hint: it's because these people are abusive.

@benkyle76

13 күн бұрын

It’s more akin to a virus/communicable disease. A mind virus if you will

Nar-SEE-sus

They are a awful challenge and they really arent aware ofvthe harm that they do . A lot has to do with chikdhood. Im told by a oesvian at work that i wa too passive. Didvshechatecrawning but on my job it was to placate people. Im retiring i dont do that anymore . Maybe mistvof my clents arecdead and gone.also my boss usbt going to live forever therevarecdays i did miss his advice

Obviously they have shame issues but no sympathy for them from the wake of their destruction. How about a cure for next video.

Blame the narcissist's parents / situation growing up.

I'm very disappointed. You REALLY missed the mark on this one. A narcissist is labeled a narcissist because they are a narcissist. I do not care whether they were born one OR the reason they became one. That has NO BEARING on the fact they INTENTIONALLY target and destroy inumerable lives, just for the fun of it. Making excuses for them is a slap in the face of every one of their victims. I expect more from you.

@Staying_aliveforwomen

Ай бұрын

I❤ how passionate you feel abt this.Notice in many of his previous videos he had demonic hand signs.Now we know I felt that slap too.yes

@suaemp4488

Ай бұрын

Guys, they are still people. They are stuck in their ways just like we are. Some of them are really strong mentally in the sense that they can push themselves to the absolute limit of their morality. They get rejected a lot and don't have the tools to deal with all that emotions. Just as we are. They really strive for understanding and a lot of them cannot see the truth of what they've become, especially after so many moral failures. It's really difficult to admit to your own horrible behaviours. There isn't much people trying to understand them and help them get out of it. They face a lot of hate and give it back to the world. They care deeply of what others think of them. Just like we are. When they are demonised and hated, they give up on being good and start to embrace and internalise what they are being told. It's really difficult to deal with them if you yourself have problems like with cptsd. You are giving in because it's easier than going through the cycle another time. The cycle hurts so much... and it's very easily triggered. We have this element too. Just imagine a person who actually strives to be good but they have all of those characteristics. It's incredibly heartbreaking... At the same time we cannot allow for the bad behaviour. We have to be strong on our boundaries. No matter how hard they will fight to break them. They need to know that they are there for your and their protection. We cannot allow people close to us to behave in such immoral way. They need that barrier. If it's too difficult then obviously we have to save ourselves first before them. And do it only for a person who actually tries to be good. Their actions follow their words, but you have to be aware of the mechanisms that guide them and their thinking. I know this is really difficult to actually internalise. Especially when you were hurt really deeply. I really hope you guys will be able to see them as the imperfect human beings as we all are. Not for them obviously, but for yourselves. Being able to see this gives you immeasurable freedom and humbleness. I wish you all good and I'm really sorry what has happened to you.

@positivevibe7684

Ай бұрын

​@@suaemp4488You nailed it 💯

@positivevibe7684

Ай бұрын

@dvg When I think of narcissist behavior, I think of a drug addict. The majority of them do not want to be in that addicted cycle. They don't care who they hurt and steal from to get their fix. I know of one particular person share with me that they got tired of the addiction and attempted suicide to get out of the cycle. Narcissist are suffering more than you will ever know. I'm not making any excuses for them, because the good news is they can change if they choose to. However, most don't want to face their traumas.Most people that aren't narcissist have a very hard time facing their traumas. Change is not a picnic in the park. This is why most people avoid it like the plaque. They go through life on a low vibrational frequency.

@positivevibe7684

Ай бұрын

@@hoxiefam6731 I agree.

So this videos about Barack Obama?