heart aches are painful, like you miss them so bad, you want to hug them but you know you have to let go Have mercy on me God

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯

Exactly. It’s really painful. I cannot stop crying. I cannot get this guy out of my head even when he treated me like an option. He lives in my building, so that’s why I’m feeling it’s extremely hard to pull away emotionally because it every time I see him the emotions come back. 😔 also he never gave me closure. He just sort of disappeared out of my life.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

😔 💔 These circumstances make it additionally hard - still having to see him and not having closure. You can use the thinking part of your inner world to gently and slowly guide your emotions to closure. When exes don't provide closure, this inability comes from their inner wounds (attachment issues, insecurities...). If you remind yourself, "His unresolved issues are the reason I feel like I'm hanging mid-air, not because there's an actual good reason to get back together.", you'll slowly be able to leave him and your grief behind. All the best 💗

In one year we did and shared so much together, she was my everything, she was perfect in every little way for me, she was very positive and everything was working, but in the end, she left me and ended everything in a matter of few texts. We texted a few times after but we stopped after the last "happy birthday", 4 months have passed since she broke up with me and I'm still crying everyday, i can't seem to go on, it's so painful, sometimes it seems i feel better for a while and then she comes back in my mind with all the good memories we had together and it breaks my heart again and again... I'm genuinely scared

@DamoDamo-ik7le

2 ай бұрын

Every day you are a mile away from the direct nuclear bomb that scattered your old life. Be proud of how far you have made it. Keep going forward.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

It sounds like you're going through a rollercoaster ride with the highs and lows this relationship meant for you. To let her go, allow yourself to see that. Allow yourself to see the pain she put you through by breaking up through a couple of texts. Would someone who is perfect for you really do that? 💗 As long as you keep thinking of her as perfect for you, you'll keep yourself stuck in grief. When you allow yourself to see the whole situation, also how it ended, matter of factly - it'll be easier to let go of her and come out on the other side of your grief. All the best to you 💗

@luiskurz1918

2 ай бұрын

I am sorry Nicholas.....😢 keep your head up and move on one step after another. 🙏

@Evermore2017

Ай бұрын

Another man in your shoes. This psychologist is correct. You have to look at not the times you felt connected, but the way she treated you basically like Hit**r - the abuse, destruction and murder of the relationship knowing you are part of that. It is her issue that she is this way. I guarantee she is keeping secret deep dark secrets she is shameful of yet doesn’t want you to know. She is so far away from your ability to love and nurture relationship, that she gave you the gift of the woman out there who is more than she can ever be and because you don’t see it, you’re stuck. Remove the reader view mirror and look out of the windshield.

I'm going through a divorce and it's been very hard and painful, this video is very helpful, healing and soothing at the same time, ❤

@blaisejohnson3942

2 ай бұрын

Me too bro shit sucks

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

All the best 💗

Thank u so much I’m going through a situation of detaching myself from a relationship is not easy but I’m learning of loving myself again for anybody out there don’t loose hope keep going 💪🏽

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Wonderful and all the best for you, too ✨💪🏻

Something to think about. Great wisdom.

I needed this today so much cz my doctor told me that only stress is killing u inside

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯 Chronic stress is really bad for our health. All the best to you!

I am going the exact cycle you just talked about..broke up a month back and since then i have been mailing him to just meet me once and talk and literally begging him to not give up on our relationship of 3yrs..but all in vain..he hasn't responded even once..with time i am just feeling guilty and have started to blame myself for runining our relationship..i was the one who broke up with him coz i couldn't take the way i was being treated..and now i am blaming myself for everything!

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Uffff…. 💔 It couldn’t have all been on you if you weren’t treated well 💗

Amazing video, thank you!

Hi Maika this came at a crazy universal timing with what i am going through!🌠 The most painful is when you acted out of unhealed trauma and sabotage the relationship that way😥 Thank you for always being so kind in your videos🌻

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

I‘m sorry to hear you seem to be going through this right now and simultaneously glad this was helpful✨ 💗 All the best! ❤️‍🩹

This is one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched, it puts everything into perspective.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

Ай бұрын

I'm glad this was helpful! Thank you ✨🙋

Needed this. Thank you🙏❤️❤️

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Glad it was helpful 💗

Thank you ! ❤

That was terrific! Thank You

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

🙏🙂

Break Ups Are Like Wounds, It Heals In Time. Leave The Past Where They Should, Move On Learn From The Healing Process.

Thank you ❤

I love your plants! I'm a plant person too so it's wonderful to see your plants! also, I like your gently and kind delivery of your message.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

29 күн бұрын

Thank you! I'm glad my delivery and plant decoration resonates with you 🙂 💗 🍃 I love nature and plants 🙂 🌻 🌳

Your voice is so soothing ❤

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Thank you 🙏🏻 🙂

This was wonderful. Just subscribed. Thank you!

@DrMaikaSteinborn

3 күн бұрын

Welcome to the channel 🙋‍♀️

Thank you very much dear Doctor I've been thinking in him for so much time it's really painful to know that you struggle to forget the person who hurt your heart and the one who didn't care about what you would feel Thank you very much for making this video and make me see in a Crystal clear way what I really feel

@DrMaikaSteinborn

29 күн бұрын

I'm glad it was helpful! All the best to you.

So much of what you said is helpful to me one year post breakup when I did the breaking up but have gone through such an emotional roller coaster because I truly loved him. I was in so much pain feeling unseen and unheard in our relationship. I did try to get him back a few times, but he didn’t want to. Then I would get angry and shut down. Repeat cycle of me mailing him a couple love notes when I was more anxious. He perceived it as pressure to respond when I was just reminding him that it was real for me. This has been tortuous. Even diving into new friendships, traveling, and now on my eighth college course since our breakup, I still feel hurt that it ended. If it weren’t for my daughters, I would’ve stayed a lot longer. Like you said, I need to close the door on reuniting. I even went to see him and he declined to speak with me.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

It sounds like it’s been a difficult process 💔. I’m glad to hear you’re diving into new friendships and experiences ✨. All the best 🫶🏻

@katenicholson4152

2 ай бұрын

@@vincentromano187 I know you mean well, but you can’t just turn it off, as much as I wish I could. I would say that the longing has subsided substantially after him refusing to speak with me in person. I went to apologize for my confusing behavior, but I’m sure he assumed it was to pressure him into something. Regardless, I doubt that I will ever trust him again. He ripped open the abandonment wounds in June and hasn’t looked back.

Good video. I've done pretty much all those points except giving up on hope for her return, which has been the most difficult. I now understand more clearly the mechanism of how hope is working in me. I know I need to let go to the hope and so have put a time frame on to when to 100% give up (2 months post break-up) Other good point is 'Their strengths actually being masks'

@josie1857

2 ай бұрын

It's been a little over a year since my 7 year relationship ended and I'm still struggling with letting go of hope he will come back. Even though I know if he did, I more than likely wouldn't want him back. When I went through the anger stage after the grief, I struggled letting go with being angry because I felt like letting go of that would be me letting go of him completely,which put me back into grieving all over again. It's sad how many hearts get broken watching these types of videos and reading comments. Like we are all searching for a way to end the pain, but not able to find the clarity within ourselves to make it stop. I saw once that heart break was the equivalent pain felt in the brain as spilling a hot cup of coffee on yourself. I hope we both find a way to move on and find the person who is meant to love us

@mtbnumber23

2 ай бұрын

@@josie1857 Oh wow - a year of it... I've been pouring over so many videos over the last few weeks looking for answers, clarity and strength. Some of the comments while achingly heartbreaking have given some comfort as the stories often seem a whole worse than mine (although this has got to be the worst emotional pain I have ever been through). It's a grief like no other as the ex hasn't died, they're still there. For me, I think if she did want to reconcile & get back together, she would have to prove to me she had done/is doing self-work, has gained insight into at least one or more of her issues. For me & the insights I have learnt, I feel like a totally different person. The best apology being a change in behaviour...? But then again, why would you go back & be with someone who has dumped you (bc you got too close)?

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

All the best for both of you 🫶🏻

@mtbnumber23

2 ай бұрын

Thank you@@DrMaikaSteinborn

Thank you. Very helpful! Tough work! I’ve blamed myself for years. It’s easier than kicking my ex from the pedestal upon which I’ve placed her. It feels like I’m shirking responsibility for my own actions when I regard them as reactions, but forgiving her and the impetus she brought is as necessary as forgiving myself. It’s obvious to me now that my regrettable behavior is the lesson I need to evolve into the better partner for my next, if ever there shall be - if ever I’m ready. I’ve hoped in vain for reconciliation, and at times over the years, it has seemed possible if not entirely likely. Abandoning hope feels like abandoning her, but I know the better path is pervasive zen - abandoning attachment.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

I hear this often - people hesitating to see their partner's or ex's contribution to the dynamic, not wanting to be someone who blames everything on others. Healthy balance is key - neither blaming only oneself, nor only blaming the other person is helpful... All the best to you!

I was in relation from 3 years . He want to go abroad (UK) for his career i refused but he touched my feet and made me agree to give him permission. Then i prayed for him a lot did fast , nafals , duas . But after Went Uk he contact me just for 3 times from his friends number now 8 months gone . I didn't have any message and news about him I'm in a lot of pain , stress and depression. 😢

Thank you

thank you

Thank you Dr Maika, this is really helpful and so are your other videos. I just saw a "short" but wasn't able to forward it. Can you please put whatever you need to on them so we can "share" to others or to ourselves... What happens when you're attracted to a similar person that you're not comfortable with? And how can you get past that? With grateful thanks

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Hi! I’m glad this was helpful ☺️. I watched one of my shorts from a different account and was able to share it, so I’m not sure what would need to change for you to be able to share it 🤷‍♀️. Did the app not show the to-the-right-sharing-arrow to you? You may have tried this, but another strategy could be to copy-paste the video URL. If you’re attracted to a similar person, who’s likely to hurt you in a similar way, that attraction comes from inner parts that are still wounded and disoriented from the past. These inner parts perpetuate “the story of your life” as it has been. They may also seek a resolution or healing in a similar person to try and achieve what couldn’t be achieved in the past. Of course, that doesn’t work… Getting past this starts with understanding the conditioning of your mind that formed through the relationship experiences you’ve made so far. Often this goes all the way back to our relationships with our parents. Once we see what’s going on within, we can observe it from a healthy distance and make better decisions. We can learn how to recognize people with healthy relationship patterns (or that are honestly working towards that). We can learn to trust instead of fundamentally doubting, controlling or trying to manipulate a relationship into being… and all of this rests on awareness and healthy soothing of your inner wounds or “set-up”… 💗✨

environment is so important. if they not lifting you up they bringing you down. this means family & parents too.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯

Can you make a follow up video for people ended the relationship but who are struggling with regret? I left my ex but I constantly wonder if it was a mistake and I should have done things differently to save our relationship. Even though I ended it I have tried to get back in touch with him and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I feel like I’m the one who got dumped even though I ended it.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Yes, this sounds like a great follow-up topic! If you feel comfortable sharing this - what were your reasons for ending it?

@AM-ut7dg

2 ай бұрын

@@DrMaikaSteinborn it’s a lot and bit personal to put in a KZread comment but we were together for 6-7 years and I was really disappointed with the lack of progression in the relationship. I felt like I had to do everything by myself, we lived together for a few months and I did most of the cooking and cleaning. He wouldn’t sit down and do financial planning with me and there was generally a lack of initiative in moving the relationship toward marriage and family which he claimed he wanted to do. I felt like I was being breadcrumbed. After being together for so long I needed more. I grew up on a household where my mom did all the work and my dad was on his computer all day and their relationship and divorce gave me a lot of trauma as a kid and I wasn’t willing to enter into a marriage that looked anything like that and repeat the cycle on my own child. He was also addicted to weed. We would talk about cooking meals at home, saving for the future, cutting down on weed but it just didn’t happen. There are so many examples of specific things that happened but it’s too long for a KZread comment. While we were living together I started to feel like I was going crazy and I dumped him while I was having some sort of nervous breakdown. I also have struggled with anxiety and depression throughout my life and I had some unhealthy coping mechanisms that mostly involved looking at triggering content online and that pushed me away from him and I’m not proud of that. So I blame myself for my own dysfunctional behaviours and also I wonder if I was being selfish or my expectations were too high, or if I should have been content with the way things were.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this, it helps me get a clearer picture of where your question is coming from. I'll definitely address this in the upcoming weeks. It'll take a while though, I create content in batches and my content for the next weeks is already filmed...

@DrMaikaSteinborn

Ай бұрын

The video is out now :-) Psychologist On Regret After Ending A Relationship & Healing From This Heartbreak kzread.info/dash/bejne/dHek0ZiweZS0eqg.html

So unfair the dumper processes everything while you're still together, and you're left picking up the mess.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯 the dumper has the advantage of having had more time to process and prepare before the breakup, the one that gets left has to process the shock...

Thank you for this video. My ex and i were together 13 years, and it has been very hard to let go. It's been about 4 months since we separated, and she's already in a new relationship. 😢 I've been beating myself up a lot for my mistakes.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💔 It's tough when the other person moves on quickly. I wish you all the best for your continued healing process 💗

It's over and I have to move on. It's simple to know all of this intellectually but actually believing it in your heart.... that's a little more tough

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯

Take the time to heal, but be proactive with the right things. In the long run you'll be fine. Always remember what you had is over and they're not coming back.

My heart is hurting right now- from a. Breakup- mostly for my kids having to live in a split household-

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

That makes sense to me. When it kids are involved, a breakup is much more consequential. All the best to you 💗

Good video, thank you! But what do you think about getting back together at all? Do you believe in trying to do so? I couldn't find a video on your channel so maybe you'll make one? Because it is not like unheard of situation, so it would be helpful to get an opinion from a professional.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

That's a great video idea, I've added it to my ideas list. I do think that it can make sense to get back together, I wouldn't rule it out on principle. It's not a great idea if the painful pattern that lead to the break-up will most likely continue after getting back together...

@DrMaikaSteinborn

17 күн бұрын

I've posted a video in answer to your question ➡ kzread.info/dash/bejne/gaerlcixhJjHaZs.html

And when you can’t have distractions to overcome the break up ? I was left after a long term relationship 24 years due to a chronic illness. I don’t have friends left and can’t go outside to have fun. It’s so hard we had such a beautiful relationship the illness took a toll on us and he stopped loving me …

@DrMaikaSteinborn

Ай бұрын

That sounds like a very challenging experience to go through. I doubt I can say something that'll be extremely helpful based on the little information I have. I'm sure your situation is complex, and that you are, too, as a person (like we all are). I wouldn't want to disregard all of this complexity with a simple one sentence advice since that's not going to help... What does comes to my mind is - along the lines of the main jist of the video - with chronic illness it helps to remain aware of how the illness is limiting you. To remind yourself: “It's not me, it's the illness. I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I'm a good person.” In any case - all the best for you 💗

Wow🎯

I’m the one that ended it because every time she didn’t get her way she’d fly off the handle and say the cruelest things out of spite and threatened to end the relationship every time we had a fight. We did so well for so long through some of the worst things you can go through in your life and when things started to look good it’s like she had to invent something to fight over. The mental gymnastics she’d go through just to fight with me got to the point I said enough is enough I am not going to subject myself to this crap anymore and even though I ended it it’s still painful

@killeanmcchesney5138

2 ай бұрын

You are right though, I have to remind myself constantly of all the horrible things she’s said and done to me and that gives me a few minutes of respite here and there but still it manages to still get to me. I wouldn’t ever dream of doing or saying some of the things she’s done and said to me to anyone especially not her

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯 Reminding yourself of why you broke up helps to process the pain and come to a place of acceptance and peace with your decision. It sounds like you had some very good reasons.

All relationships are materialistic. Stay single stay happy.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

I think both relationships and staying single can be materialistic or not. It depends on how we approach it internally. Our intention and our core beliefs make the difference.

@Ahmedabad-Single-Souls

2 ай бұрын

@@DrMaikaSteinborn Ours is a singles group for 40+, all never married and we all are very happy. No one has died of being single but many die a silent death everyday being with the wrong partner.

I am the survivor of narcissistic breakup

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

All the best! Narcissistic breakups can be very tough. I'm glad you're labeling yourself as a survivor 💪

Am i wrong for not being as hurt as i thought i would be ?? But instead feeling free not entirely hurt free but not as heart broken as previously?

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Not at all! It sounds like inner parts that were burdened and buried away while you were together are now feeling free to speak up 💞

I was so distracted by the breakup with my ex-girlfriend that i forgot to pay my bills 😆 its been two months no since no contact 💔

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

That makes sense. A breakup can devour all of our attention. All the best for the next weeks and months 💗

@hyperion752

2 ай бұрын

@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank U 🙏☺

@hyperion752

2 ай бұрын

I still love her ❤‍🩹 but i have to move on

What about when none of this works and it’s been years???

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

That sounds tough! Many different reasons could be contributing to that, I'd have to hear more to say something more about it...

I don't want him to come back

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

It’s great you have this clarity ✨

Women hold all the cards

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

I think I understand what makes you write this... it can definitely seem like that! When we really dissect it, relationships are always a dynamic between two people with each of them contributing their share, and each person holding some of the cards.

She monkey branched and we have a kid together... This is tough....

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like it 💔😢! All the best ❤️‍🩹

Too late already over it xD

Some of the points summarised A break up is a loss on many levels: Connection Pleasure Autonomy Self esteem Hope or taking complete responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship is not helpful. Stop trying to prove yourself to get your ex back. Be proactive not passive. You need boundaries and to build a new life that makes you excited and brings you joy.

@DrMaikaSteinborn

2 ай бұрын

💯