Hi! I'm Maika - a clinical and educational psychologist passionate about sharing uplifting and practical insights from psychology to help you empower yourself to do what’s important to you on the deepest level of your heart. Life can be confusing and hard. I support people in making sense of themselves and connecting with, unleashing and guiding their inner power.
Disclaimer: I do not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability and accuracy of the information given on this channel. Any action you take upon the information on this channel is strictly at your own risk, and I will not be liable for any losses and damages in connection to the use of my channel. The information I provide cannot be taken as a substitute for advice, diagnosis or treatment by mental health professionals. Please consult your health professionals before making health-related decisions.
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I’m adopted. My adoptive dad is very toxic. He lost his dad at a young age, his mother and boyfriends would abuse him and kick him out. At some point I felt so bad that I was willing to work for the relationship and make him see that we’re his safe place and that I want to have a father-daughter dynamic and trust each other and maybe do therapy together. But he is too far gone. He doesn’t believe in therapy and thinks I’m weird and disgusting for they way I feel. He met my mother young. She is very calm, introverted, empathetic. Although a little covert narcissistic but totally overpowered by my dad’s narcissism. She is the only person he has, and she knows. She was never able to defend herself or me and my brother. Lived in fear of him and completely failed us. However, she would try to give us her love. My brother stranged himself for crazy reasons related to me and him and my parents dynamics in general. She promised she would never abandon me and would always choose me before him. However now his manipulation techniques got better after knowing my mom would choose me. She’s falling for it. He’s slowly alienating me and she doesn’t see it and supports him. I feel such betrayal and pain that I don’t think I’ll ever talk to them again. It breaks my heart as all I ever wanted was to fit in in a family where I’m very different, to have my mothers love and live happily and free. He has turned me into a broken soul with his sophisticated manipulation and I can’t keep standing here out of love for my mother. I love her to bits and I’d do anything for her but by staying and supporting him she’s showing me she’s made a choice. Now I have to leave and never look back. Sorry for the trauma dumping, but I hope someone can read it and know there’s a sad soul over here too. Trying to find a way to strange myself from the person I’ve loved the most.. My mother 💔
this was very....practical. yet still i needed to hear it. breakups feel like mourning, sometimes worse. hard to keep a rational mind without help. thank you!
Thanks
Cutting ties with parents shows a lack of long term vision and love. I'm not talking about real abuse here. I know parents who are not abusive or overbearing and love their kids. In fact, these parents honestly are shook. I believe there are a lot of terrible trends out there.
you dont have to justify your life :)
💯
I needed this❤thank you
Thank you for this, it is so well explained.
How to share and who too when older and single ?
Hey Maika, I just want to thank you for making and sharing these videos with the world. This channel is probably the most helpful resource I have found in my journey to heal my deep-rooted insecurity and all of the issues that stem from it. You present these topics so clearly and concisely and evoke a sense of reassurance and encouragement better than any therapist I have worked with. It's still a lot of hard work and tough to stay consistent, but it's easy to comeback and re-watch your videos anytime I need a refresher. I can definitely feel that I am inching forward in the right direction. Thank you so much for all of your help. I like to imagine how much better the world would be if this was one of the top channels on youtube.
Thanks
Hey I had sent you a book link a while ago to ACIM. I thought it would have a lot of stuff in there that might be helpful. However the more I read it the more I realized I probably shouldn’t have sent it. I don’t think it’s the best book bc it kinda plays around with Christian symbolism in non-traditional way. I just wanted to lyk sorry for sending that book link. I should’ve have waited until I knew more about the book.
please pray for my broken relationship .i still waiting for him.i can not stop it😢
One misunderstanding and she broke our beautiful relationship..she used to tell you are my gift from universe ill never leave you and all it takes is 1 misunderstanding that too from her family side to break the relationship..Talk is cheap action is expensive..
Very helpful ❤️🙌
As important as self-preservation is, I find it so sad when speakers omit the part of teaching, helping them grow /develop/heal. What use is self-protection if being cruel and leaving problematic persons out? in the dark, alone? I remove my Like. Thank you. MAybe I am too down and tired to listen properly.
What when someone empathic is unable due to extreme stress exhaustion since very many years , with sleep deprivation and lack of basic safety( being exposed to criminal fatal abuse, unable to solve it and not getting protection, help, counselling and treatment? Behaviour can be similar to immaturity. And worsen due to the awareness of one's inability and self-blame for it.
Not being my authentic self leaded to my divorce, lesson learned for me the hard way, now starts the voyage of my lifetime discovering who and what I really am, no masks, no disguises, facing the world head on, as to be honest now I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain
The look in your eyes speaks of a similar past experience.
Sometimes they break up because they’re cheating on you but don’t tell you they are.
It's so painful
25 years , she left me. 2 months later , she found someone else. I am devastated. For the second time.... I'm dead inside right now.
22 years, she left me same thing couple months later found someone else and just like you for the second time only thing I can do is work on myself idk
@@TTNJAYROCK13 it sucks.😞
Been 6mos. Shes w some goon she monkeybranched to. She wont ever come back. 8.5yrs ruined by her choices. Shes a pos liarface and cant trust her.
Thank you Maika! :)
Thank you Ma’am!!
How do you intentionally act authentically? If i have to think about what i am doing aren't i possibly acting from a persona??
Interesting question! Authenticity is often spontaneous, but not necessarily. It is definitely never reactive or impulsive. Authenticity means to act from what’s truly alive in us, our honest thoughts and feelings. This first requires us to be in touch with that part in us. When we’re very used to life as a persona, we may have gotten so used to repressing our authentic self, that it has become very quiet. It can be reawakened though, when we start paying more attention to it and creating room for it in our lives. So it’s a question of what we’ve allowed to become our habit - whether or not our spontaneous responses come from our authentic self or a false self. If someone has always focussed on being excessively accommodating, their habitual response will come from this habit, not from their authentic self. If someone had to grow up too quickly and assume responsibilities that were too much for a child, their spontaneity will come from a place of overestimating their responsibility and probably feeling overwhelmed a lot. Thinking about our actions may be necessary, in order to move closer to our authenticity. However, this only works in combination with feeling into the visceral, physical and emotional responses of our bodies. This is the main place to go for information about our authentic self. These gut and emotional responses of our bodies inform us about our authentic self: how a certain environment or person is affecting us, what we want and who we are. When we listen in to our inner world - thoughts and emotions that come up - we will probably also find ambiguity there. That’s very human. Our inner world is made up of different parts and voices, it’s like an inner team. Especially when we’re facing a more complex decision or situation, we’ll notice different responses inside. To come to our authentic response, decision or action, we’ll need to hear all these voices out, and allow them to hash it out amongst themselves. These inner voices have different volumes and speeds. That means, we’ll need to give them time, especially the slower and quieter inner voices. If we only act from the loud, quick voices, we’ll be unbalanced and a part of our authenticity will be missing in our actions. So - to sum it up: listening in to our spontaneous inner responses is a source of knowledge about ourselves. It helps to think about our impulses, urges, inner voices and instincts to filter out the false self and allow our authentic self to collect itself and come to a balanced decision. The more we practice this in more important situations, the easier it’ll get to act spontaneously from the balanced authentic self because we’ll be more familiar with it.
I’ve been in therapy for a while now but during this video was the first time I wanted to be better for ME and not just for my child. I want a new feel for life.
This is why they say: You create your reality. Most of the time in a subconscious way and shame plays a vital role in there, too.
I like this exercise! very clear and direct, take care Maika!
Insightful !! What would be some best books to read for on this topic and becoming more confident..
The best book on these types of negative self-esteem cycles is "Reinventing Your Life" by Young & Klosko. I also recommend "Self-esteem" by McKay & Fanning, and "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal: Your Space to Heal, Reflect, and Reconnect with Your True Self" by Lindsay C. Gibson.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thanks a Ton 😊
Thanks for the video! Now I'm confident that I'm not lacking empathy. What I can do next is determine if a person is just telling a story or lowkey venting or asking for advice.
This video is asinine, doesn't fit reality at all. I assure you many relationships have been destroyed by a man "opening up" this isn't anecdotal either ask men in real life. We do not get the same treatment as women or children.
Also men do emote differently it isn't all social conditioning, if someone says they're angry you don't have to dismiss their experience and say "really its some other emotion." Yeah, there's going to be other emotions going on, but that doesn't mean getting pissed off is invalid and other emotions traditionally associated with masculinity aren't equally valid, and they don't necessarily "need a good cry" framing it like its all about touchy feely emotions could put off masculine men from seeking help. An alternative way of framing the problem that i think is more useful is that you can look at it as they're "too strong a person" and that they push themselves too hard and its wearing out their nerves system because thats also literally true.
The mental health community is completely disingenuous to men’s mental health . It’s almost used as a virtue signal but then support things and a culture that hurt men specifically. Yes there are good therapist but most of them are highly compromised by social/political political culture that hurts and paints men in a negative light. It’s horse shit that people say the reason men don’t get help or open up is because society teaches men to keep it in. Most men know that’s horse shit and the real reason why is because men vurnablity is used against and they learn that by an early age. It’s almost like it seems like no matter what it’s our fault
Absolutely useless - we’re men, and we aren’t wired that way.
I don't know how to express my anger. It's like I am ashamed of being angry or I am incapable of it. And I hate it. For example, if someone does me wrong, in my head, I am soooo angry, but my body shows a different sign, like I look okay with things. 😢
This makes sense to me. When we're ashamed of our anger, or feel like it's a wrong emotion or one that says something horrible about us - that shame can inhibit the expression of our anger. I hope you find ways to express it. Maybe this video helps: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ppWOzcGihJCfc9Y.html (It's about how assertion isn't the same as hostility - a motivation video for assertion.)
Great advice, as always. Thank you "Frau Doktor". 🤗
🙂 🙏
It can be hard to deal with when people point out that you are different all the time, just because you sound different when you speak.Often done to point out that you don't belong.Its a passive aggresive way and I usually tell them I am fine not belonging with them as I am not in to white apartheid😂.
This makes a lot of sense to me. It sounds like you're experiencing what I discuss in this video: "Subtle Acts Of Exclusion: How We Unintentionally Make Others Feel Like They Don’t Belong" kzread.info/dash/bejne/om2Zj9mHfdvQibg.html I'm glad you have an effective way of not letting it get to you.
Well I'm a Man and I Cry about things in private and I cry openly sometimes at funerals like everyone else
When my wife died last dec it was women who told me to be strong and its was women who where cruel and cold an petty that made me realise i need to suffer in silence if i was to ever to get over my pain . To all men look inward the answers are in yourself never tell a woman your feelings they are only there to tear you down
A real man would not let depression get a hold of him. A real man defeats depression
Its all about realising it and facing it head on it still a struggle but one that can be overcome
Well i suppose a hedonist would ignore his depression and self indulge the depression away?
You say defeat I guarantee you mean ignore
Don't be dumb
I think this is actually an incredibly common trait in many adults. Unaccountable and completely oblivious of the carnage in their wake.
I think this is actually an incredibly common trait in many adults. Unaccountable and completely oblivious of the carnage in their wake.
I agree with you when you say that talking doesn’t help. Talking about a problem does nothing. We know the problems. We need our practical solutions. And here’s the message that is really important The reason has increased dramatically in recent years is because the way society has deliberately been manipulated to destroy good men. At the core is Marxism and feminism The solution is for all men to unite together to fight the battles and restructure our society There is no point in individual men fighting their personal depression alone because what we need to do is organize strategize, and fight World War II to defeat the forces which have destroyed society and reclaim our powers So if you were ever depressed, remember this, the battle is not within you. The battle is most definitely out there, and we must unite as the band of Brothers to take and defeat those dark powers.
OMG I needed this 😢
The first practical step in overcoming this could be to stop watching the news altogether and work your way up from there.
Or... you're a giant douche.
Men should never be vulnerable around their GF or Wife. It shows weakness and she’ll lose respect for you.
Really helpfull! My favourite is ”focus on the process!” Thanks dear Maika!
Dali was a lunnatic.
great presentation, AS USUAL