Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist
Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist
Thank you for checking out my KZread channel!
I'm Alan Robarge, an Attachment Trauma Focused Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator. I teach and promote a model of Self-Directed Healing, which translates into a model of self-empowerment.
I create educational content with the goal of helping those who are struggling in their adult relationships. In my videos we explore how our childhood history can significantly impact our ability to create and sustain secure attachments as adults and how we can we learn better relating. Together we can learn how to improve our relationships.
Join our community on Instagram, where I post daily content and interact with readers:
@alan_robarge_psychotherapist
Check out the "Improve your Relationships" 8-week program and membership community to explore how we can map out a plan to address emotional, relational and developmental trauma. You are invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Its so sad to hear that I ended and pushed away my ex boyfriend and cause all that pain and anxiety now. I can see more clearly I wish I had an another chance with him :(
Brilliantly explained. Been longing all my life. Not to confuse longing for love - so true. BUT since the longing wound goes back to childhood HOW, oh how, does one heal it decades later? The parent is not alive anymore, so how do we heal that in such retrospect by ourself so we can get on with relationship 'longing free'? I'd pay big bucks for that answer. 🩵 Separate the story!
I discover your channel after a breakup that just turn my world upside down. Alan, as a gay person who lives in middle eastern country I never ever seen someone who can understand me that clearly, more than myself! even without knowing me, its just beautiful. Like your soul and mind is connected with mine. Your work is amazing. I am 32 years old and I cried while watching one of your video ‘growing up as a gay person’ it was like seeing my young and scared self again, that poor boy have to hide and act all the time... I am trying to heal of my fresh breakup wound and I wish I discovered your channel just before I met my last partner. My partner still struggles with his identity and just prefer to stay single over his happiness.. Thanks for your understanding, you have seen us and validates us that we are not broken and not alone. I want to hug you ♥️🌸
Thanks Alan I’ve listen to this video several times because it’s so real , I felt so validated from this video than I’ve done in my whole life
So very true, agree , I wasted 5 years in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, on and off, listening to this video have given me so much information which I don’t think I would received if I had any gone to a therapist
This couldn't have been more meaningful to hear at this moment! Big, big thanks!🙏🏻💖
Great video and thank you. Sorry it took seven years after you posted for me to see it :-) my issue is finding friends and the majority of your video is applicable that as well. Again, thank you. It helped.
So rough that it was a skill issue and not that they were neglegent.
Your zoomed in frame and painted backdrop give the video a bright and modern vibe- nice change!
This is extremely accurate and can see how it plays out.
This video is a masterpiece. How have I only seen this video for this first time? Despite being a regular viewer of Alan's work for years. Definitely relate to this and many of the points have hit home to my "stuckness".
When you come here for advice and you're name is used as an example. 😕
It's been 4 years I still have intrusive thoughts. I feel such shame.😢
I can admit I love myself however when I realize that I am not being loved/nurtured by spouse. It becomes a challenge on how to respond and I constantly catch myself reacting out of emotion. Each time I address issues it seems as if what I am experiencing and his reality don’t align. Usually ending in him feeling like a victim and I am ALWAYS the one who see the problems within our marriage. I may be an hypersensitive codependent not just in my marriage but also in my career. Always being the one that everyone depend on to figure things out. Always problem solving and critical thinking. This last espisode I pulled back the need to see are say anything especially when dealing with an alcoholic.
I can admit I love myself however when I realize that I am not being loved/nurtured by spouse. It becomes a challenge on how to respond and I constantly catch myself reacting out of emotion. Each time I address issues it seems as if what I am experiencing and his reality don’t align. Usually ending in him feeling like a victim and I am ALWAYS the one who see the problems within our marriage. I may be an hypersensitive codependent not just in my marriage but also in my career. Always being the one that everyone depend on to figure things out. Always problem solving and critical thinking. This last espisode I pulled back the need to see are say anything especially when dealing with an alcoholic.
I was 9 when my sweet daddy passed away
Best information yet. I don’t have anyone I trust to work on it with. Do the best I can with what I have
Thank you for seeing me
…my overriding behavior “I will shut down my beautiful, noble human need to explore depths of attachment and emotional connection with you and share our vulnerabilities
15:00
As a psychotherapist I just want to comment that your content is excellent. I see you and I see the effort that you have put into these videos, and how important it is for you to share this message. Bravo
Listened again... Thankful again.
Isn't self acceptance a true and beneficial expression of self love?
I am grieving every day. Can't concentrate, just suffering because of the breakup. She said I dont want the same as her but it is not true. Marriage and children was my goal with her, but she insisted that I dont want it. I just wanted to have a healthy relationship before and not being blocked everywhere and being accused of being a cheater just because I have a female friend.
Thats it !!!!! I feel like furniture !!!!!
Thank you for sharing such meaningful information and bringing in your personal experience. I lost my father abruptly at age 17, and it explains why when a relationship ends abruptly, it's excruciatingly painful. Also, there's a fear I hold through the relationship that it might end suddenly. Big big thanks!
He broke my experience with ilaws in 5min😅❤❤❤
Sheesh! Hard to listen to a verbal mirror of my life exactly. Thank you so much, you have encouraged me to take affirmative action TODAY. When she gets home, it’s time for the conversation 🤨
You are a beautiful soul!!! Thank you. And I honor the universe for presenting/giving you to us!!! Namaste!
This is significant philosophy, Mr. Robarge, of which I am immensely grateful and relieved to have found. Thank you.
So I am sitting here in my pain, no longer blaming them for it nor expecting them to be there, so now what lol. Just "alone"?
Just discovered your podcast... well done and well said! I look forward to more. Psychology (lived out) is still my life passion after not finishing my degree in it. A regret I will carry to my grave. But yet...at 68 years of age... I will NEVER not pursue greater emotional healthiness in my personal life and telationships every day I live on this planet. Though not an easy road to travel given that we live in such a dysfunctional world and society every day! But..."keep walking," I will! Namaste to all who journey that difficult path of choice as well! ❤❤
Thank you for this. I think you're exactly right about the ex being the symbol of the unmet need. It helps to realise as it points towards a solution.
This was brilliant.
Thanks for that simple approach I really felt that trance in my mind all day
As a psychotherapist I have to say that you give words and such clarity to these dynamics, end in such an accessible way. Well done.
So helpful!
Given the idiots that I have to share the world with , I'm happy to be alone.
Thankyou
I did this and it took 39 years of make up break up and Manny scares
Powerful ! I got called out can you send me this ?
While I feel this is very accurate information from personal experience, it also leaves out the behavior of the other person. The times I have been guilty of this behavior my new partner has been the contributing factor. Whether they're love bombing, self centered, all over the place, inconsistent, or words and actions don't match, just because one person is anxious doesn't mean their anxiety is unjustified. Either way, it's a connection that was never going to work and that has to be accepted.
What happens if you know all of this and it isn't new and you've told your partner but still can't stop?
I love my ex so much, this is exactly how it is. He won’t be with me, he will only have a none serious relationship now… x
I asked Dad why he abused me(many ways), he said "you're nice and polite", what a slap in the face for me. He will not take any blame, but blamed me, what an asshole. I don't have contact with him; he is so toxic!
Could this kind of obsessive thinking also be considered limerance? Or could it be confused with Pure O OCD?
Is it ever OK to go back or is it always best to move forward? Wondering what could have been…
Great podcast. Please use the word Limerence in your title.
Slow down the process of decision making is GREAT advice in other areas of life too! 👏👏👏👏👏
Alan - you’re amazing at explaining these epic complicated situations. Not to mention your sense for of humor is fabulous. The kind of human I would love to meet and hang out with! Bless you Sur.