To put it mildly! - Amen yes, attachment trauma triggered with too early sex. I was 68 when I learned that women are flooded with oxytocin - the bonding hormone - during sex. Men only get a little. So there we are, with someone we just met, quickly asking to "define the relationship," feeling batshit because we don't even yet know if we like him! Could've used this info in high school. And childhood PTSD makes too-early sex downright catastrophic for many of us.

@Lemoncare

5 ай бұрын

On point.

@thepragmatist

5 ай бұрын

Completely agree.

@hernandariobernalparra7772

5 ай бұрын

Some men also get sooo affected by oxytocin

@thepragmatist

5 ай бұрын

Agree.@@hernandariobernalparra7772

@Ann963

5 ай бұрын

Men absolutely get a rush of oxytocin during orgasm and physical touch. Men and women are more similar than different. It’s the social conditioning that makes the most difference. And I agree, sex too soon gives us false security.

Date for a while. If the other person is pushing you for sex, explain you want to get to know them, if they won't accept that, stop seeing them, they don't respect your boundaries. We're in a time having sex is considered sexual freedom but I'm glad he explained it triggers actual hormonal changes that shouldn't take place until you trust and know a person.

@user-yy9be9mi6n

5 ай бұрын

Perfect reply!

@thunderpooch

4 ай бұрын

some can slam and not get overly attached 3 cheers to them 🍻

The butterflies in the stomach are a WARNING SIGNAL.

@Bedevere

5 ай бұрын

That you ate butterflies?

Sex should honestly be the culmination of a commitment. It can truly bring up some gnarly things. You will go to war with yourself if you truly desire genuine connection and commitment and care. ❤

@thunderpooch

4 ай бұрын

sex is too important. better to have sex and a less than ideal romantic connection than to have no sex and no romantic connection just because you're chasing emotional perfection

This is why I’ve been celibate for years now. People always tend to ghost me as soon as I tell them I’m not sexually active because I want to truly connect with someone. And make sure they are 100% here for me as I am them. I get hit on a lot & I am sexy but, once they figure out that I’m not easy, they move on & then it makes me sad because then I want to stop dating because I’m starting to think the world is doomed by sexual connection. And not mindful/mental connection… Y’all need trauma counseling!

@ingrid5944

5 ай бұрын

I understand you A LOT!!! I just broke up a three year relationship and I'm hurting a lot, cause I used to trust him but, with time, i learned he's a big liar, he didn't really care about me and tried to put me down whenever he could to make him feel better about himself. I'll keep celibate till I find a real patient man, who is really interested in me and my feelings, and who is patient and caring and loving. Of course I want a man who is sexually attracted to me and I'm as attracted to him as well, but sex is not good when you can't trust who you're with! I know I'm pretty and sexy just like you said, and a lot of guys are interested in me, but I will be very careful from now on, even more than I was when I was getting to know my ex. I hope you find love! ❤❤❤

@etcwhatever

5 ай бұрын

You are keeping your self respect. Thats the most important.

@ph318

5 ай бұрын

You already gave it away. Imagine the guys position when they have to think about being put on the back burner in 2023

@ph318

5 ай бұрын

​@@etcwhatever No, she gave that away before, and is now disrespecting others.

@etcwhatever

5 ай бұрын

@@ph318 i dont care for your redpill nonsense. Especially because guys like you sleep around and then shame women. You do anything to get in bed with a woman and then call them names.

I’ve taken a step back from dating, but I decided to strengthen a new male platonic friendship. It wasn’t even until EIGHT months later that I discovered info that didn’t vibe with me, and I took pause to reflect how grateful I was that I took the time for this lesson. Because what if it had been romantic and I didn’t even know who this person was until eight months later?! Take your time.

@xbubbles10x

5 ай бұрын

Similar for me, but it only took 3 months. Removing sex from the equation definitely helps you see someone with more clarity

@msdemeanour

5 ай бұрын

I spent 4 months getting to know him, he spoilt me & adored me until.... I found out he's totally impotent 😳 Even 4 viagras couldn't bring that thing back to life!

@viktoriavass

5 ай бұрын

There's a side to all of us that only comes out in a relationship, and no amount of getting to know someone platonically will reveal that side. Also when somebody is okay to be platonic for a long time there are often reasons to that, for example they're not really interested, or not really available for a relationship. My experience is that people who are ready for a relationship don't typically find a platonic situation convenient and they only entertain it for so long.

@ShinySilverBunny

5 ай бұрын

I don't even want to give a man platonic access to me unless he brings any substantial benefit to me in my life. I've learned too late that men in the friendship zone are a wolf in waiting or they're just benefitting social status just being around us, using women as a free therapist etc... Men in general see women as objects and tools to use and conquer, they do not see women as human beings with emotions. They just don't! My father was extremely misogynistic I have opened my eyes and see everything for what it is.

@user-wu7oj2oj4b

5 ай бұрын

That’s your own view don’t include all of us

This is everything. I think especially women need to digest this because we are made to bond when we have sex due to the oxytocin that's released. I have lived a long while now and I am thoroughly convinced sex too early will only prevent me from weeding out the ones who are not for me and just waste my time in ultimately stressful situations because one recognizes you're attached to someone who you don't even want to be with - and I don't have any more time to waste on those folks who I should pass on - there may be an early spark - however having chemistry or even potential chemistry does not automatically translate that this would be good relationship material.

@thepragmatist

5 ай бұрын

Completely agree.

@Ann963

5 ай бұрын

All humans have this reaction. It is just more “acceptable” in our society for women to express how sex makes them feel emotionally. But both men and women experience oxytocin, dopamine, and other hormone spikes during orgasm and generally all physical bonding. The physiological is almost the same between genders, but the cultural conditioning makes these issues so much more complicated and messed up. I agree though: it is so important to respect the power of physical, psychological, hormonal bonding.

@lillyfahey1921

5 ай бұрын

Christianity Tries To Tell Women This, And Talks About Chastity And Preserving Your Purity, But Everybody Calls It Old Fashioned.

@chiaraA.

5 ай бұрын

@@Ann963 That may be, but men under patriarchy are not allowed to express their feelings accurately and often suppress or distract or do something toxic rather than allow their vulnerability - they often are not even aware that they have feelings when intimacy triggers it. So, until the person they are intimate with understands whether the man is open to having his feelings and acknowledging them, which takes time and getting to really know the man, it is better to be skeptical and not give all of yourself to this person until you truly vet this person.

@redleeks6253

5 ай бұрын

​@@Ann963nop

Wow. What a wakeup call. I'm in this situation right now. I'm so confused about my feelings, but trying to keep him around at all cost. He's so selfish, and self absorbed. I'm an Empath, so I'm the opposite. I feel I need to get out of this ASAP. This is so eye-opening. Thank you so much.

@Rollacoastertycoon

5 ай бұрын

. Gotta do the shadow work.

@notallabouttarot5194

5 ай бұрын

I just ended mine last July and moved 23 hours away. It feels so good. I’m not even trying to do that again. Mine last for three years. I didn’t even liked staying with him for real. I had to drink most of the times. When I slowly stopped drinking…I pulled away.

@UniquelyHerz

5 ай бұрын

Definitely in that same situation

@patriciasmiderle9181

5 ай бұрын

I've been there exactly. My advice is run don't walk away. I spent way too long in a relationship just like this. Please read the red flags and don't ignore them. You should not be confused and uncomfortable because he's self centered and you are an empath. Take care of yourself. He will never change.

@karifoto

5 ай бұрын

At least you woke up! I wish I had in a very similar situation! It would’ve saved me a lot of hell and bad health. Us empaths gotta be extra careful. I wish you the best! A caring man is out there for us 💖

Almost 5 years ago i met someone and we instantly started talking on the phone getting to know one another. About 2 months af talking we finally went on a date. I was pretty open and he shared what he wanted. Afer having sex with him a few weeks after the first date i started to notice changes in him and it always made me anxious. Then it went down hill from there. He wasnt emotionally available to me. He was secretive. He ignored me. He was so aggressive towards me everytime i wanted to address my concerns between us. I knew it wasnt right and i continued to disregard my feelings. We kept going on dates and having sex. It was a disaster. Thank you for this video to confirm that i was in a trauma bond. This person never cared about how i felt because i didnt take my time getting to know if this person made me feel emotionally and mentally safe. It really does take time getting to know people and boy did i learn my lesson!! So many tears and sleepless nights only to find that this person didnt care. It was a transactional relationship and disingenuous. Moving forward ill take my time getting to know people, in order to discern more genuine relationships. Thank you for this video.

@user-yy9be9mi6n

5 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing! Will help many of us going forward.

@redleeks6253

5 ай бұрын

Girl, learn basics about men. Try something less political correct like the book 'men don't love women like you'. Men don't love women and their goal is to simply score them like a level im a video game, after the first time it's not so exciting to play the same level over and over again.

@dmoon5150

5 ай бұрын

Same here....I knew it wasn't right but couldn't break away. I felt like I was obsessed.. I'm 52 years old and this has never happened in my entire life.

@beebeebraswell1739

5 ай бұрын

@@dmoon5150 im 40 and I know how you feel

@sophiareed8266

5 ай бұрын

I am sorry that happened to you. He couldn't give you what you needed, because he didn't have it in him. A void attracts another void. Make sure your own heart is full, that you hold yourself with love and kindness. Then you are more likely to attract a man who also has a full heart. Good luck, sister.

I totally agree, but I still come back to the idea that if you don't do anything sexual then you don't know if you are sexually compatible either which means you should just be friends. It's a conundrum

Currently not dating or “connecting “ with anyone. It’s lonely at times but way more peaceful ❤

So true. And so obvious. I realize this is not a popular opinion, but popular or not, it's the truth. We deny it at our own peril.

@MK-cc5ve

5 ай бұрын

What truth are you referring to?

@macoeur1122

5 ай бұрын

​@@MK-cc5ve ....that sex with people we don't really know leads to premature bonding. Putting the cart before the horse has consequences that just aren't worth it..unless sex happens to be the whole point for someone...or two...and even then, I'd personally argue..."not healthy"...but that's not the topic at hand.

@MK-cc5ve

5 ай бұрын

@@macoeur1122 thank you for the explanation which I agree with

I needed this video six years ago.... but i probably would have said "no, but this is different!" A hard, hard lesson.

Please do one on dating app fatigue… hopelessness…. quitting dating all together. 54 year old female, rural Montana

@julin8597

5 ай бұрын

Yeees. I have run away from dating apps. Even though they try totempt with discounts.

@jessicahitchens6926

5 ай бұрын

At 54 your not going to find anyone on a dating app. Sorry to say this but it's the harsh truth. There is no incentive to commit especially after 50. No children either..And society penalises men whom get married. It's by design. They want atomised vulnerable people. Not strong families and couples.

@johealingtouch6683

5 ай бұрын

I tried dating app , the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the fatigue was just something, had to just quit and be ok with been alone

@mhaas281

5 ай бұрын

I'm happy to say I've never used the apps or felt the need to.

@DannyD-lr5yg

5 ай бұрын

@@mhaas281Well, yippee for you? 🙄

Absolutely. I am 44 and with CPTSD disorder and the best boundary I put in place was withholding from sex for 6 months. This has saved me from so many negative emotions dating and also weeded out the men who had a big problem with me setting healthy boundaries for myself

Thank you for breaking down why I stopped being intimate this means I’m smarter than what I thought I was. I thought I was crazy but you explained it so well.

It’s also painful that the man I’m attracted to in every way and do decide to have sex, won’t marry me. But the men I date and have no attraction, no sex, they become stalkers. Make it make sense.

@sallyjrwjrw6766

5 ай бұрын

I've been watching Coach Corey Wayne, and he repeats all the time 1. Rejection breeds obsession. 2. Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. For the guys you like, you are over-eager and over-pursuing that it turns them off. For the guys that like you, they are over-eager and over-pursuing.

@amberm5626

5 ай бұрын

I had to get serious and learn what an actual healthy relationship is to get out of the toxic cycle. Figuring out what MY personal values are and not straying from them even if someone walked away. I was taught to serve the men period. I was taught codependency. It was so wrong for me. Also, learning about healthy feminine and healthy masculine energy. It sounds like woo woo, but we all put off a certain vibe/energy and like attracts like. Core values and moral compass... get really secure and confident about those.

@amberm5626

5 ай бұрын

@sallyjrwjrw6766 a man who is unclear, is not healthy. If you want a relationship grounded in security and transparency, then unclear is the last thing to seek out. A man who is not up front and honest breeds anxiety because it is unsafe.

@sallyjrwjrw6766

5 ай бұрын

@amberm5626 I was answering OP.

@JustCammie

5 ай бұрын

​@carlabellbg5724no. That is highly socially imposed.

Well this explains Q4 of 2023 to me! 😂 The thing is I know better and should have done better in honoring my needs. I have an ACES score of 9 and after two long term relationships that were emotionally abusive, I took a an extended time out from dating, attended more therapy, and worked on myself. Then I met someone and thought I could handle “casually” dating. While I didn’t set out to be intimate too early, I chose to do so. When I realized that this person was not meeting my connection needs I was already attached. The end of that was confusing to process. My harsh inner critic is still flaring. Thank you for your channel I look forward to more videos.

@GODHATESADOPTION

5 ай бұрын

Women destroy themselves so happily... but take twice and a half as much time to heal...

When you attach to fast your judgement is blurred and distorted you no longer are making rational decisions it’s now a prison to your attachment

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for the meaningful reflection. It's important to talk about how this can limit our ability to connect with our own decisions and choices. I remember when this came up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. The conversation was similar to your comment. Take the relationship quiz to learn more about the Community. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Oh yes… I totally relate. I’ve done a lot of healing work… but was triggered into old attachment wounds when I felt unsafe and was not able to communicate properly what was going on for me. It didn’t help that they had their own attachment wounds. The chemistry was amazing, but since this experience I have been quite hesitant to get back out there dating again and very hesitant to explore a sexual relationship with anyone. Feel like this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 💛

I took psychadelics while i was conflicted in this type of relationship and it brought up feelings that I am basically molesting my own self by doing that. Mushrooms also show you that we are all one being, but thats another video. Wherever you are in your spiriual journey, opening the second chakra (sexual creativity), is vital. But, we are meant to progress and transcend sexual intercourse altogether. Its all YOU. ❤ Just trust the feelings.

@FormlessJKD17

5 ай бұрын

Why would you need on external thing to make you realize? Realization is within. Weak 🫏

@FormlessJKD17

5 ай бұрын

Why would you need an external thing to make you realize? Realization is within. Weak 🫏

Yes, thank you for expressing this in such a coherent manner! It helps me clarify my own thoughts on this. Sex does bond and insecurely attached people need to be extra careful who we allow ourselves to bond with in that way. In our society there is such a strong tendency to underestimate what physical connection does to us so a lot of people throw themselves into casual sex when they don't have the capacity and the inner sense of security to freely make that choice. I have definitely done that in the past especially in the years after getting raped. I have done so much harm to myself with that behaviour. I'm trying to do it differently now. I have succeded in stopping to do that with strangers but after being celibate for more thank 3 years I fell into that trap with someone recently that I had a fwb style sexual realionship with for many years.

@isisneteru1013

5 ай бұрын

Well....after 3 years it's ok to have a fling to not feel like our organs are dead. As long as the phase doesn't extend long enough to make you feel dissatisfied

Wooo this video came just in time! Thank you for this ❤ I just started getting to know a man this past November and I needed this video to stand firm in my promise to myself to save the “cookies” until there’s an emotional bond and deeper connection as well as a title to our relationship

@shawnteldrake367

5 ай бұрын

Omg yes!! I died laughing. The universe is tryna teach me something because I was just thinking about this

@Aisha_babii

5 ай бұрын

@@shawnteldrake367 yup!!! This was def a message for us to save the cookies for later lol 😝

@kimberlyturner820

5 ай бұрын

Marriage?

@VenusianStarseed

5 ай бұрын

I wish I came across this video a few months ago this is what is happening to me now and I am feeling really batshit over feeling bounded like this to someone I barely know. My mind is searching for that commitment too early when we may not even be compatible

@Aisha_babii

5 ай бұрын

@@VenusianStarseed I know the feeling all too well. Don’t beat yourself up over it 💕

I want to cry because I needed this exact video, exactly at this moment. KZread algorithm has my back wow

Yes,yes,yes! Thank you for introducing this mindset. Sex too early is not a good idea when you want to be emotionally stable in the long run..

Thank you! Im raise in very conservative Christian family! Though my marriage separated afterwards I never dated again for like years and years! And dating getting to know someone without sleeping with them saves me a lot of tears! For they reveal themselves in the long run. I suggest ladies please don’t sleep with them unless you really safe and you know them very well this 2024 😂 im open for dating but sleeping with just someone no! You don’t know their hygiene, at home, you don’t know who they are! So no for me! I embrace my body i thank my body for everything because this body been through a lot for me and my daughter to survive and to just give it away just like that to someone who you don’t even know if they brush their always is not for me 😂. If someone wont come along to prove themselves I might just adapt a kid a love it with all my heart. Since you know life is not just for relationship life is about embracing love in different paces of life.

@Saboramii

5 ай бұрын

Yes gratitude for our bodies. Hoping to heal.

this was so simply and well put. I did this most of my life into my 40s. It has been a disaster. For the last 2 years, I have decided to stay celibate and focus on learning to heal and soothe my deeply wounded nervous system.

Amen. The last guy I hung out with used the ol “well I AM a MAN” huffy routine like it was my job to service him because that’s what “real” men get🙄glad I didn’t -found out he was separated for 7 years still married but “didn’t want to talk about why”. I’m like you want me to trust you enough to be intimate with you yet you can’t tell me the truth? That’s a deal breaker. Told me he loved me two weeks in saying “well you know I love you right?” and justified something I forget what saying “now that you “have” a man you don’t have to worry about that” all when we hadn’t even kissed or agreed we were dating or exclusive. He thought all he had to do was claim me and it was sex time🙄

To everyone pitting women and men against each other, listen to the video again. He is saying "WE, US, OUR ATTACHMENT SYSTEM, ETC". LISTEN TO HIS WORDS. THIS AFFECTS US ALL.

@peacelovejoyandhappiness

5 ай бұрын

@JustCammie, are you saying the gentleman’s description is not appropriate? Is he doing a poor job by stating we/us? Please elaborate more so we can understand you. You’re onto something here…

@JustCammie

5 ай бұрын

@@peacelovejoyandhappiness I'm not saying that. I'm talking about people in the comments clearly making their own conclusions about women versus men, etc. It seems as if people are not actually listening.

@peacelovejoyandhappiness

5 ай бұрын

@@JustCammie ok thank you. 🙏 You explained this well, I understand you.

This is much much deeper than it sounds in the surface. Resuming 13 years of my life with the mother of my children we were amazing in bed ( divorced 15 years by now ) but we couldn't agree on anything! we were oil and water... but once the cloths was out of our bodies we were in heaven, so I thought. Nothing will change. Even after the separation, when the divorce was in process I could stop by her place and have an amazing moment in her bedroom.... Crazy, right?

@browniebun

4 ай бұрын

Very relatable. I have an ex lover like that. I hope we never meet again. For some reason the sexual attraction is crazy magnetic. I'm glad you got to enjoy yourself.. 😂

Alan..this is invaluable info. Gives me an answer to my 2 year mark on all past failed relationships. I distort the reality, hope it will get better (while having no awareness of it i mean by "better"), yet my needs are not being met, thecresentment grows and i just suddenly exit a relationship to manage overwhelm. Incredible insight!

This video is so on point with how dating is these days. Especially women who bond through sex more easily based on biology, we should not be as liberal with sex if we want quality, secure relationships. Alan, please do more on this topic 🙏

@katrinat.3032

5 ай бұрын

🎯

@JustCammie

5 ай бұрын

Why tf does everyone keep saying women bond more through sex? That is complete BS.

@zene.p

5 ай бұрын

​@@JustCammie you need to understand evolutionary biology dear.

@zene.p

5 ай бұрын

​@@JustCammieyou can't call something "complete bs" without any facts to defend your view.

@JustCammie

5 ай бұрын

@@zene.p where are your facts?

Sex and commitment should never be separated. The current 'casual sex/dating culture' is seriously messed up.

@thunderpooch

4 ай бұрын

nah, i enjoy it

@christiaan4music

4 ай бұрын

@@thunderpooch of course you enjoy it. Everyone enjoys attention, validation and the physical aspect of sex. Everyone enjoys junk food as well.....

Omg you have no idea how much I’m appreciating your content!! Even to name my condition as an attachment wound is getting me to label and understand myself better and then on the path to healing 💜 The timing is also perfect coz I’m in the early stages of dating (learning to date really). Listening to you explain this in the way you present it with warm empathy helps me understand and validate the responses my body and mind elicits. Yes I minimise and ignore red flags for the possibility of a connection, but now I can get to a point where I can give a voice to that red flag even if it’s just in my journal. With awareness I can say my judgement is being hijacked by the emotions and hormones, projections and expectations. It’s quite a roller coaster! I am learning and healing coz I’m seeing my patterns and learning to step-in earlier to break them! 💜🙏🏽

@amortranquilo661

5 ай бұрын

Your comment is encouraging to me and gives me hope.😇 Thank you. All the Best to you on your journey.🙏

Denying my needs when so strongly wanting to be loved. Men take time to love... Their minds go narrowly straight to sex...a woman needs to give him time. Date for a while and come together ( if it is meant to be) through your mind and heart...not your crotch! It's difficult especially because we are all human with needs.

@sallyjrwjrw6766

5 ай бұрын

I find that guys become infatuated quickly but it fizzles out and never seems to grow into something meaningful.

@larmindful233

5 ай бұрын

@sallyjrwjrw6766 exactly what happens in many cases! I agree....that's why you must date a while first to see if he really opens his heart to you and if that is what you want too....then it's called making love not sex.

@thepragmatist

5 ай бұрын

Completely agree.

Woww, your timing is impeccable.

@reneedavis7248

5 ай бұрын

It is. It’s like I just been waiting on this video. Even tho I am past this video, it give me clarity that I’m heading in the right direction

The more I like a guy, the longer I avoid intimacy. I need a clear mind for vetting and making sure about liking him. On the flip side, I don’t mind intimacy with guys I don’t want to get serious with. The guys I respect but not sexually attracted are candidates for friendship, if they don’t mind being friends (most of them do mind unfortunately).

Perfect timing, much needed. Thank you!

I am really enjoying the single life! ✌️

I really appreciate your perspective on this. Your take is very enlightening.

Thank you, Alan. This was incredible. You presented this, my experience, so clearly. And reasonably. I feel immeasurably more sane and understood. And less isolated. ❤

This is so timely. Thank you so much.

Excellent video......content and delivery! Thank you! This should be taught in high school.

Welcome back! I LOVE your channel !!! 💖💖💖

Thank you Alan. I definitely do this. Trying to learn more about myself and my patterns.

Glad you’re back!!!

Very relatable video and looking forward to more of this content:)

Alan it’s been years since I’ve watched you. This video is so tender and kind, it made me teary. Thank you so much for your work.

Thank you. This is very appropriate for my current situation and has given me some understanding of what has recently happened in my life.

There are people like you who make a better place. Thank you for your selflessness !

Love you Alan. Thank you for the great help !

🙏🏻✨Thank You for this video🙏🏻✨ right now I'm mourning the relationship I had last year and it was just based on sex and emotional disconection that only end up leaving me feeling like you describe, with so much resentment because I ended up with health problems , triggers and sad and he didnt bother a bit.

Great video. Super helpful. Thank you. 🙏 When it’s with the wrong person, bonding can become bondage.

Thank you Alan! Great explanation of this attachment trauma.

Thank you, Alan, for your empathy, compassion, and for taking the time and effort to create and share such insightful content with us. I also think that those of us with unintegrated attachment wounds/injuries/trauma may rush into sexual relationships in order to quickly create a strong bond with the other person. As you explained, the sex, fueled by a hormonal cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and testosterone can strengthen our attachment to the person we are attracted to, but whom we barely know, and the connection we feel with that person isn't reliable because it's a result of having rushed into the sexual relationship.

@katrinat.3032

5 ай бұрын

Right. In my opinion, we need to learn to let the other one know we want to take things slowly. If the other can’t work with me on that, then you are not the right person for me. HOWEVER sometimes the drive/ need for relationship takes over and I start rationalizing on why it’s ok to move forward physically. Then I get hurt

Excellent description of what has happened to me. I’ve been single for five years. In that time, I’ve dated a couple of men, but was able to see that they were not for me. Unfortunately we had sex way too early but it served to teach me that I no longer want to do things that way any more. from now on, I will take my time and not rush. Thanks so much.

Why is everyone stating this strange and falsified idea that women “bond faster” than men in sexual engagement? The speaker here is a man and is talking about his professional and personal experience with attachment trauma This is not to say you cannot recognize your personal disposition to often give loyalty after sex. If you know this to be the case for you, abstinence makes sense for you. But women are not biologically hard-wired to abandon ourselves, it’s an attachment trauma that all who have it (including non-women) have to struggle through as to get our needs and desires met…to push our personal responsibility for ignoring red flags to a genetic disposition because we are women is odd and against the point of this entire video. Be careful of destining yourself to destruction.

I haven't even watched this video yet but I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME! It's like building a house of cards that can collapse at any time.

Everyone should watch this video. Sex should not be just like going to the toilet 🚽

@GODHATESADOPTION

5 ай бұрын

Why do women make it so convenient?

@msdemeanour

5 ай бұрын

@@GODHATESADOPTION Because men like to relieve themselves into a living, breathing female instead of on their own 👀

@msdemeanour

4 ай бұрын

@@GODHATESADOPTION Why do men ram it in any hole?

@GODHATESADOPTION

4 ай бұрын

@@msdemeanour to save you from capsizing and bail you out?

@GODHATESADOPTION

4 ай бұрын

@@msdemeanour ex fiance said anal was like going to toilet on a dick tho

Wow this really helped me understand what I’ve been feeling so I can rationalize this better, thank you!!

You are brilliant...always love your videos! Thankyou for the insights 🙏

Wow this is the best explanation on the subject I've ever seen.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

5 ай бұрын

I appreciate the feedback and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it's helpful. Please share this video on other social sites. It really helps spread the word on these topics. Thank you for your help.

This was so helpful!

This the guy I've needed to find! 😊 Been burying myself into all these so called 'youtube' relationship gurus..but this guy I think might be speaking more to me.

This resonates so deeply. Thank you so much 🙏🏿

On the one hand, this video was insightful. On the other hand it was quite frustrating to hear him repeat the same thing over and over again, without providing a solution for alternative way of acting in the early stages of dating.

I am not going to lie but what you shared in this video made me emotional break down because this is me and it really resonated with my behaviors in relationships. Thank you!

Well this was spookily on time!!!

I always "knew" this, but couldn't put my finger on it. Thank you!

Excellent topic. Much needed. Thanks.

This is great. I think it's fine to actually share ideal behaviors as training wheels. Say it Delay sex until in a stable commitment like engagement and or marriage. Big hurts require big commitment,love, and containment from a partner.And or managing your own self is your responsibility not the other, and part of that is knowing your own injuries and healing them overcoming being devastated by relationship hurts, and being unwilling to suffer because you know your greatness and truth.and what that looks like feels like ... Good work good awakening everyone.❤

Absolutely! Love this subject ❤️ thank you

So good to have discovered this video!!!!! I am just healinng from this. Just sharing so much intimacy wirh someone we do.not.know well....and then....he walks away..... comes back 10 days later......just bread crumbs......

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

I hear you. If I could tell you how many of us have been in that situation. When we enter into a deep connection so quickly it makes sense that it sets us off. I remember when we talked about this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's so comforting to know when others can relate. Thank you for sharing this video was helpful. We learn so much from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Great video. So true.

Very insightful thank you

This video just might save my life … thank you

Thank you for this! Good info New subscriber

Excellent video.

This was so good thank you

Great video ❤

Very insightful!

You broke it down perfectly

It feels really bad. To be with someone in that way. And they don't have any emotions about it.

Thank you, this was very helpful, and definitely made me realize how I have always been to quick to become sexually involved with partners, despite seeing red flags.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

Oh if you only knew how many of us can relate. Glad to hear this video was helpful for you. I know when we talked about ignoring the red flags in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other. Thank you for the feedback and for sharing your experience. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Excellent video

I love that you acknowleged that it is an unfortunate curse that dating and getting close opens the door to triggering attachment stress and fear. I've been on my healing journey and have a lot more self-awareness about my thoughts and feelings (with some level of detachment to them). Some emotions I've been feeling and still having difficulty moving past is feeling bad when I notice the confusing feelings medley of liking someone but also notice a stimultaneous increase in stress and fear which triggers me to feel so vulnerable of being hurt or rejected. I want to let my new potential partner know what's going on but I also notice shame that arises when I do. However, I did notice that verbalizing my fears and asking for what I need without blaming (also perhaps to the right partner that reassures me) has been helpful in calming my nervous system in the long run.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

Yes this is true. I can see many of us nodding our head in agreement around that medley of feelings. So many of us can relate with having a hard time expressing ourselves in partner relationships. I know when we talked about challenging ourselves to voice our needs in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be validating when others can relate with our experience. We learn so much from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Thank you, very important topic. Sooooooo true.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

You're welcome and yes, very important topic. I want to share you may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

This is my life. Wow. Thank you so much.

Thank you 🙏

DA men and AA women are PARTICULARLY vulnerable to this. It's wild.

Trauma bonding occurs and what if you find out you can't stand the person. Also drunk hookups not smart

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

5 ай бұрын

Many of us can relate. Really good to be talking about this.

Intimacy and vulnerability activates a fear, great confusion and primal panic. This describes me 100%. So I run before they can leave. Unfortunately this equals the self fulfilling prophecy and ends with me being alone. I finally just gave up on dating and decided to take time to try and heal.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

I can see many of us nodding because this is so relatable. If you knew how many people have shared about this experience of primal panic. I know when we mentioned it in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other. It's affirming when others can relate. Thank you for sharing your experience. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

So very astute! Thank you 🙏 🩷🩷

Thank you!!!

Thank you so much

This is absolutely me! Wow. I have a lot of work to do 😢

I know that i will probably be intimate early. If i have a connecton early i will want to connect intimately. I know it is best to wait,take it slow. But yes your video really spoke to me, it's like you reading my mind 🤣

Hey Alan! Thank you so much for all your amazing advice and sharing of your knowledge

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for the kind words and for sharing your experience. You would probably be surprised at how many of us can relate with being long term single. If you haven't already heard about it, I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's so affirming when others understand our experience. We learn a lot from each other. You're invited to join us. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

I dont think any of us know what we are really doing. You stay single long enough and everyone has something wrong with them. Wgats funny is that everyone is doing the same thing to each other. Pointing out whats wrong with each other like we are perfect.

Very cool video