When your hunger for love is stronger than your self love, you settle for situationships and crumbs.

@fashionforwarddd

Жыл бұрын

This!! Well said

@disnalee

Жыл бұрын

Love is not to be rush. If it is than its only lust. Lust is temporary not long terms.

@vittorianesse

Жыл бұрын

Love this! Stealing it 😊

@alignyourpractice

Жыл бұрын

Ugh. This is so true. Time to start doing things differently.

@ninababy6112

Жыл бұрын

💯

Instead of being afraid to lose him, be afraid of losing yourself. When we compromise on our boundaries and ignore or minimize our feelings and needs, that's exactly what happens. And it takes a VERY LONG TIME to recover from that. Much longer than it takes to recover from an asshole guy.

@LucaAnamaria

Жыл бұрын

@Don K Yikes! Your boss should have known better than to make a move and stay at the same company and in the same role. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

@LucaAnamaria

Жыл бұрын

@Don K Wow, that sucks. Sounds like you need to put up some strong boundaries. Harder said than done, I know.

@LucaAnamaria

Жыл бұрын

@Don K As a stranger on the internet who knows not of the intricacies of your situation, I think it would be irresponsible of me to give specific advice. But if a therapist is covered by your work benefits at all, I would strongly urge you to talk to someone because the situation you're in is a really difficult one.

@teddygrahamm

Жыл бұрын

@donk8105 @donk8105 omg, go to HR and report him! He is not worthy of you at all, he's causing you so much emotional distress and confusion, and apparently spreading sexual rumors??! Hell no, let that 🥭 (man go lol) and go find that love you are craving within yourself so you will never allow someone to treat the love of your life (you) so terribly again😞

@loryjones7220

Жыл бұрын

@Don K This is a problem for HR, Don K. -- unless you like the drama. Tread very carefully, or you could lose your job. Too many snakes in that pit where you work.

This was excellent. I was dating a man that was perfect on the outside. Handsome, charming, high status, funny. Captivating. And a whole mess underneath. I was carrying all the weight in the relationship. Emotionally and physically..,yes pleasing him and not once did he ever pursue me intimately. I was heavily deprived from the relationship and hanging on for dear life because of the outer shell. I finally cut him loose. The man didn’t lose an ounce of sleep. Haven’t heard from him since. Ladies… don’t drag it out. Run!!!!

@susanklein7448

Жыл бұрын

Solid advice.

@en2336

Жыл бұрын

SO CRAZY how good they can look on paper...all their friends and coworkers and everyone they meet loves them because they're so charming and outwardly stable...and no one knows what a terrible partner they are; that side of them is reserved for only you...I will never forget that feeling

@fhanoverartist

Жыл бұрын

Dont be afraid to lose him. Be afraid to keep him. Ugh RUN!!

@PinkDiamond7777777

Жыл бұрын

Those 10k € houses are everywhere.

@brandilowe6617

Жыл бұрын

I just freed myself from this. Man wouldnt even touch me or even be near me when we slept in same bed. Wouldnt kiss me hug me nothing . I feel amazing and its only been two days since hes been gone .

The thing is, most people know what genuine interest looks like. You know the texts you'll receive, the questions you'll be asked, the plans that will be made, etc. The falling process isn't that mysterious. So you should also know when someone ISN'T falling for you. Inconsistency, dodging of important conversations, excuses as to why it can't be serious now, some scattered future-faking, some ego pumping followed by silence, not progressing the relationship, etc. You KNOW, you just don't want to believe, and this is causing you suffering.

@ClueSign

8 ай бұрын

Spot on

@nihaomaxiexie57

8 ай бұрын

100%

@HITLJC

Ай бұрын

💯 Summarized as Denial ...denying ALL ..its being caught up in the delusion of What can be ..what it could look like...Unless your willing to wait and see if he gets to choose you over the others..but there are high chances you could shed many many tears in the process of Waiting. Let the Person come ready and sure of what he wants ...not to flex his emotions with you.

@letym2271

Ай бұрын

Then why do they pursue you hard at first? Just for ego kibbles? Leave people alone if you're that disturbed. They sure do want your love and attention, but they keep you at a distance.

@jvyvyn

24 күн бұрын

@@letym2271THIS. Dealing with this at the moment …

The question about “what if I don’t find someone like him again?” - well that’s exactly the goal to find someone not like him. Flip the narrative. He’s not good enough for you, he’s not giving you what you want. YOU want something different than him. And you won’t find something better if you settle for this situation.

@katherinep708

Жыл бұрын

Lmao this reminds me of my abusive ex. He said “you’ll never find someone like me”, in my head I was thinking “well yeah, hopefully I won’t.” I wish I had said it out loud to him instead!

@ipercalisse579

Жыл бұрын

It happened a lot to me in my lifetime (I'm 39). I just met guys who were very immature or not really into me, yep, it sucks. I struggled to feel confident in myself, feeling like I had something wrong, wasnt good enough, pretty enough... I broke with them and stopped dating them thinking the same. What if I dont find someone like him again. Guess what. I didnt find someone at all :) but I'm happy that at least I'm not with a douchebag, it would be worst. I'm happy that I didnt settle with this type of person. I feel my life would be very ruined at this time. Right now, actually, yes love didnt come either.... dont know what I've done wrong! but the 30s are a bad time for dating I suppose, lots of men in a relationship already, lots of "my wife" around"..... it's ok. Life can be sweet alone. A lot of eroes are lonely, and I feel one of them. And I'm also very pretty and attractive and in shape and intelligent, and a man is really stupid not seeing that. Maybe it is just that. Men are stupid. I'm sure my man did the big mistake of taking someone else that's making his life miserable.... life is choices. Wrong choices. Good choices. Life is yours and yours only, and the presence of someone else doesnt make it wonderful, but just you. And forget children and stuff, it is ok to go your direction that is the loner... it can be amazing actually

@danieller9778

Жыл бұрын

Needed to hear this. Thank you😊

@solarqueen2555

Жыл бұрын

She's blinded by the fact that he's famous. He's not actually giving her what she wants.

@ScorpionMaiden75

Жыл бұрын

Amen to that!!! Thank you for putting this way 🤔 ❤🙏🔥👑🔥🙏❤🤔

I read this and it makes a lot of sense, “ if they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused”. She have to let him GO NOW!!! He doesn’t see her as the one. If she stays, she will be nothing but a SPOT HOLDER until he finds the right one. Be smart!!!!

@letsgotravel6724

Жыл бұрын

The fact that she is a Love Couch but couldn"t give her Self a good Advice, clearly she need to Change her Job she might be also giving those poor People a wrong advice🤷‍♀️..

@cocoleluz

Жыл бұрын

@@letsgotravel6724 that’s right!!!

@coolbreeze5683

Жыл бұрын

I agree! Her advice she gives other people about forcing yourself to keep busy so to not "contract one-itis" sounds like cliché advice she read in Cosmo Magazine. If you're meant to be and feelings are mutual, you both want to spend lots of time together and not play those stupid games of hard to get. If you're with the wrong one, you'll be called "needy", if you're with the right one, they'll call "loyal and loving" and they will reciprocate. If one plays games, the other would want to play games too.

@traviscrabill5306

Жыл бұрын

For real married for 10 years. Communication is key, even while taking the day doing separate things. Always ask her how her day is going whether gone at work or coming through the front door. I don't care for the boring stories or complaints, I care about her confiding to me. If it's serious, then I know before she says anything. I hate the stress in today's world that hurts families as well as the decisions made by single people who are looking for someone that society does create anymore.

@cocoleluz

Жыл бұрын

@@coolbreeze5683 exactly!!! I agree with you 💯.

The worrying thing about this relationship is that he seems VERY experienced in playing this game and leading people on. He's done it a lot - it's a strategy that works for him. He knows exactly what to say, to play the victim, get her sympathy, keep her hanging on, frightened to ask to many questions or push him for real answers. He's an experienced manipulator. I bet his phone is full of conversations with multiple women, serving his needs in some way.

@noticeyourneighbor8649

10 ай бұрын

He drove that last woman bizarrely crazy. She wasn’t borderline until she met that narcissistic man. Wow

@ggghahamega4639

10 ай бұрын

Exactly

@kdub10009

9 ай бұрын

100%

@MS-bs8dd

9 ай бұрын

Amen to that

@tinydream

9 ай бұрын

@@noticeyourneighbor8649to be fair, that’s not how mental illness works. Not sticking up for him but that logic is flawed and potentially dangerous.

"You have your reasons, but I have my reality. If my reality is that what you're giving me isn't enough for me to be happy, then your reasons as to why that is don't really matter." (17:47) BRILLIANT!!

@jjslosttrain1461

4 ай бұрын

❤❤

She’s a relationship coach and she can’t “see” what this is. Just goes to show how hard it is when it’s ourselves “in” something. So much easier to see when not emotionally involved. Run girl.

@noloveforthehaters

9 ай бұрын

Never listen to a woman that gives men dating advice.

@gummy5862

9 ай бұрын

On one hand, it concerns me that she’s seeing pretty obvious red flags and she doesn’t know what to do with them, but at the same time even professionals don’t always know anything and it’s humble to ask other professionals.!

@beautifulmoster1988

9 ай бұрын

She is a coach but is different when it personlly hit you.

@emybarker20

9 ай бұрын

I’m so happy you were able to say something constructive rather than demeaning. Great brain

@marjolijn-5561

9 ай бұрын

Very empathetic response ❤😊

I cannot believe that there are women that are still hoping and waiting for men to commit. There is no time to wait. You will find somebody else. Be happy.

@lisameyer7757

Жыл бұрын

Or maybe you won't... still be happy and enjoy your life,

@nursegaines3519

Жыл бұрын

Amen

@nursegaines3519

Жыл бұрын

@@lisameyer7757 TRUE

@kmp820

Жыл бұрын

Way easier said than done. For those who know better just means that they have learned the lesson. There are a lot of people (both men and women) that are dealing with unresolved trauma and still date at the same time and it’s not helping their current situation. If that makes any sense.

@lightofall

Жыл бұрын

These days many men are unwilling to commit

my humble opinion: if he really is dealing with PTSD severe enough to not know if he wants to be in a committed relationship, he needs to have the self awareness to remove himself from the dating pool or not dangle the idea of a relationship in front of people. work thru ur shit and dont expect others to handle it for you. he gets the grace of the emotional security and validation of a relationship while simultaneously only just being involved enough to not be hurt like she would be.

@blit104

Жыл бұрын

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯!!

@dj_bae

10 ай бұрын

Let’s be real, this dude doesn’t have PTSD. PTSD is a serious disorder and the misuse of it as well as of the concept of “trauma” is exhausting.

@iammidia5548

6 ай бұрын

Too easy!!!! Why leave the game? It’s not HIS responsibility to Buyer Beware! That’s on whoever buying into his BS! He don’t owe NOBODY NOTHING

@gurlycash7394

5 ай бұрын

We don't know if he has PTSD or not. It doesn't matter. She needs to not be needy for him and leave

A general rule that may not fit every situation: A sad sob story + lack of accountability = manipulation

@shannonl9633

2 ай бұрын

Very well stated!

@K4ENK4I

21 күн бұрын

Love this!!! It fits all of my situations. It’s usually the first sign of manipulation.

Same thing happened to me. Never wait. Timing is not right. You can't force a person to heal. Move on.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

Well, you're right but sometimes I think you really can help a person to heal better, even getting them to Heal more Faster and Better than Healing alone by themselves🤏... Just saying Basically some Men may end up Healing and growing in fear even at their new Relationship Life if eventually they try to get into that same lane again 🤷... Like you know; Healing from a Relationship Trauma is so different Healing from physical wounds... So I must say; some people may love it getting that Healing with their new SOULMATES, FRIENDS beside them so they don't end up damaging that door meant for YOU, ME and every other person around the world too .. Guess you got ma point!😏 Well, that was great Conversation between 'em all.. Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@PlanetZipp

Жыл бұрын

@@Richiehawk sometimes leaving is the lesson for that person to acknowledge their behavior or beliefs. My Aunt told me something a while ago when she was deciding to marry her current love or get back with her high school sweetheart. She realized that if there was any bit of doubt then it was a NO. If there was none then it was a YES. She is happily married for 25 years by choosing the YES. I know from experience, ignoring my aunt’s wisdom, that trying to make a maybe work can keep you stuck there in definitely. What they are saying here is that his answers to her straight forward genuine valid questions he made excuses and avoided answering them honestly. When someone asks a question the answer is usually a yes, no, maybe (or never). Maybe is an endless answer with zero guarantees. It is a loophole to not officially lie. A truly honest person would have said a gushing yes followed by they were nervous to bring it up. Or a no, I don’t see that for myself in the near future. Honest and forthcoming answers are respectful. Ambiguous answers is usually avoidance. The part to focus on is the person asking, as hard as it was to be vulnerable, is ready so if the other person is either there or not. That is the truth in a snapshot of the relationship. I feel that after 3 snapshot moments it is time to call it. Doesn’t matter whether it is in the same week or months. If one person feels a certain way and it is not reciprocated negative feelings are created, like feeling stuck, resentment, or unloved. That festers and most often leads to the demise of the relationship. Going back to your comment, one person can show the other person the path to healing does not guarantee they will end up together. That is a fantasy that happens to very few people. My biggest problems in relationships was staying longer than I knew I should have. Take the lesson of the relationship and move on to use it in the next.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

@@PlanetZipp Honestly you nailed it🌹🤏 and i agree with you 💯.. I don't regret how long spent in a relationship instead i peacefully dissolve our connection, learn from it and move on probably being able to handle the next ... Thanks for sharing your experience, you're amazing and I appreciate. Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@brandiwalker7505

Жыл бұрын

So what do I say to him to let him know I’m not doing this and moving on?

@firemusic9217

11 ай бұрын

​@@brandiwalker7505 u font say nothing to him just mind your biss! He knows already he Got u in his trap!

The Goldilocks pain amount was the perfect way to describe it. This guy sounded like my ex...traumatized enough to never commit to me fully and claim to never be able to trust me, but not too traumatized to want me to be there as comfort, source of sex, and constant validation. SO GLAD I ESCAPED!

@rociobriseno1486

Жыл бұрын

I just left a 10 yr relationship that was like this. We were bf/gf but would never spend time unless it was about His trauma, His stress, etc and he could never just enjoy the Now. Lots of promises of marriage but no follow through

@Vercanya

Жыл бұрын

My ex is a covert narcissist. This goldilocks ratio describes his "trauma" perfectly: just enough to make me excuse his toxicity and to push me to do things I wasn't comfortable with, but not enough "trauma" for him to work on it and to see the pain he caused. 2,5 years since I left him, don't miss his abusive ass one bit.

@Vegan007

Жыл бұрын

@@Vercanya mine was a narcissist too. The "white knight" kind. They use whatever they can to control us...and so hard to get out! Well done 👏

@katherinep708

Жыл бұрын

So proud of you people for leaving!

@missb1097

Жыл бұрын

@@Vercanyathis totally relate

When you start defending people who hurt you.... saying it's fine because they're "a big deal." It's time to reevaluate that pedestal you put them on. They may be a great person.. but if they're not a great person for YOU. That's the reality you have to live in. Relationships have to be mutually beneficial. They cannot survive otherwise. Someone gets hurt otherwise. Being hurt by someone you respect and care for isn't a relationship anyone should readily accept. Your suffering is a BIG DEAL too.

Feeling like an intruder in someone's life is no way to live. Just got out of a situation that dragged on for 9 plus months. I was always put on hold. Never again.

@Alloniya

Жыл бұрын

This is the worst feeling

@shellae1922

Жыл бұрын

@@Alloniya yes it is.

@letlhogonoloramaboea1661

9 ай бұрын

Was also in the same situation

@veenareddy5275

7 ай бұрын

Am still in that situation. The worst part is they don’t want to let us go either.

@julietruesdell.371

6 ай бұрын

So true

“I know not to text him too much or too little” Girrrrrrrrl, he sounds like way too much work. Next!

@justinethomas5020

21 күн бұрын

Facts

@justinethomas5020

21 күн бұрын

Way to much work

Emotionally unavailable men are just men who aren’t emotionally available to you. I’ve seen men who claim they were so heartbroken and couldn’t get into a relationship just to meet someone they actually liked enough to get past it. They are shockingly good partners to someone else just not you because they weren’t that into you. There are no excuses. If you meet someone and they aren’t available or willing to put in the work they aren’t for you. You aren’t for them. There are some who are completely not available and emotionally immature. some guys are just not into you so they come up with excuses to keep you around because they like you enough. You are basically around so they can get their needs met until they meet someone else. Women do this as well I have male friends who have gone through this. It’s like I like you enough to keep you around sometimes it’s enough if people are clear and it’s what they both want.

@arnavsrivastava4635

Жыл бұрын

Rightly said

@antihipsterboho

Жыл бұрын

Nah. People who keep people on the line are either das or narcissists. People who cant be alone because they are bored arent quality partners to anyone. A quality partner would not date multiple women they were not into; they would be alone.

@jestprzygoda

Жыл бұрын

@@antihipsterboho what is das?

@jestprzygoda

Жыл бұрын

Fully agreed. Why only we forget it when we are in such a scheme. Watching "he is not into you" regularly would help i guess

@NatavanQuliyeva

Жыл бұрын

Omg so trueeeeeee. I have been in such a relationship with a guy who was dating too many different women while being in not named relationship with me and didnt like either of us and married completely different woman. 🤔

Just the mere fact that he hasn’t introduced her to anyone he knows is enough for me to know he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s dating her.

To feel valued, nurtured, and respected is how we should feel in any significant relationship. Your advice is spot on!

@Kholoured

9 ай бұрын

These 3 things are all women want, and yet 3 simple things are usually very hard to find in 1 individual...

If her goal is not to lose him even though she isn’t happy with him then she will lose herself instead.

@shoelace.16

Жыл бұрын

That’s super profound, thank you for that 🙏

@endearing1119

Жыл бұрын

This 💯 never negotiate yourself or cross oceans for someone who wouldn’t jump through puddles for you.

Doesn't sound like she's actually got a secure attachment style, but more like she's presenting as having one, when she says things like "I know to not text too much or too little." It sounds like she's not acting from a healthy place of secure attachment, but is making calculated moves/doing all the "right" things so she doesn't scare him off. I wonder what advice she gives her clients. 🤔

@zenlife321

Жыл бұрын

Bingo. Ego driven dating.

@DeAnnaChoi

Жыл бұрын

Girl, you nailed it!!!! She’s totally presenting as secure attachment style. Anyone who announces that they are is probably not! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@958342

Жыл бұрын

She probably gives great advice. You are better able to when you are the outsider looking into anothers persons relationship with zero stakes involved.

@way.truth.life.

Жыл бұрын

i agree

@pixxie__

Жыл бұрын

That's such a good point and I completely agree. If you're secure it'll come naturally and you won't be so self aware of how you are in relationships

Been there done that. Move on. He doesn't have your best interest at heart. Move on. You will only get hurt.

This just made me feel soooooooooo much better for putting my foot down and standing up for myself. Finally exiting a situation where "Marriage in future but wait with me till I get myself together cause I have issues, but I can't define what we are, and if you leave me you're abandoning me" carrot was being dangled. #GoldilocksParadox lol

@mayavp

Жыл бұрын

Omg this sums up my breakup

@sp6990

9 ай бұрын

Omgg this!!!

@slemusrocks

5 ай бұрын

Any update ?

@user-rx7uh9mg4f

Ай бұрын

Same here. I left after I realized he had absolutely no reason to string me along me we could easily get engaged. He liked me but not enough..

This man is emotionally unavailable, never I repeat never entertain a man or a woman who is emotionally unavailable. He’s in therapy, wish this man well in his healing recovery and move on. Everything in this situation is screaming he’s not ready to invest at-the level that you are.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

That's Right! He's amazing and that was great Conversation between 'em all But as pertains to what you emphasized on; do you believe that sometimes women might be the reason for fast recovery?? I'm just curious!😏 Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@2.22onlyyou

Жыл бұрын

@@Richiehawk Happy Holiday’s, Well…I think a woman shouldn’t be the reason why a man should have a fast recovery. What do you mean fast with "fast recovery"? This concerns me 😳, A man should recover because he wants to recover and ready to do the shadow work.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

@@2.22onlyyou well, not you tho! 🌝 Just Curiousity 😁 I guess your ideology is best known to you... Speaking of "Fast Recovering" I was specifically emphasizing on "Emotional Pains" as a result of Unhealthy and Unstable LOVE LIFE from past Partners..... Guess you read me better this time¿ Huh!

@2.22onlyyou

Жыл бұрын

@@Richiehawk I might not have the correct answer for you or for anyone but I can speak from experience that after going through my second heartbreak I can truly say that for the first time in my life I feel healed and so peaceful. I did my shadow work and as painful and challenging it was I now look at my past emotional pains very much needed lessons for my own growth. Harry, when we are in a broken painful place, our energy is literally attracting individuals who are in the same space we are in. I’m a true believer these individuals are a reflection of what we are putting out in the 3D. I am now in a place where I can love someone properly and allow someone to love me properly. However if I was to meet someone whose in his shadow work period and doing the work for himself I would not mind be a supportive friend nor would I mind being an ear and as blunt as I am I would also call him out if necessary. Getting on a full blown relationship wouldn’t healthy for him nor fair to me. So a woman who jumps into a relationship with a man who hasn’t healed old wounds and is letting her know he’s in therapy and doing his shadow work and she continues to push or persuade him into one should be a huge read flag for him. She’s already telling you she wants her needs met regardless where you are at in your heart space. Not cool 😎.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

@@2.22onlyyou Sincerely you Nailed it all and nothing more for me to say 😂😂.. I'm so speechless 😶 and I totally agree with you, obviously I've been in same shoes and i know how difficult it was getting off and putting the past behind totally... Honestly I'm so amazed and melted haven read such powerful and Charming wordings comes from a great and Beautiful Queen like you, sorry if calling you "Beautiful Queen" bothers you, I sincerely apologize 🤗 actually i would've appreciated it if i had known you or your name better at first ☺️ but i think you deserve "Beautiful Queen" because your words are sharp and charming 🤗.. I don't know how else to express this but I think you deserve Roses 🌹🌹🌹🌹 And if you were single then I must run away with you 😅lol😅

I doubt that a person with a “secure attachment” would put up with this much, let alone start such a relationship

If you are traumatized by an ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. If you have not healed your wounds, you will bleed on someone else. I don't get involved with people with ongoing emotional issues. It's a nightmare and not fair for anyone involved, especially me since I am ready for a real healthy commitment. Heal yourself and make sure you are ready for the next journey. Otherwise, the new relationship will fail and more people will get hurt. You will just repeat the same patterns and waste my time. You don't have to be perfect, but at least you have to work on it and be actively doing so.

As a woman, I really appreciate Audrey's perspective, she is certainly insightful! I hope we the audience get to see her more often with you on your channel! Thank you, Audrey, for your time and energy that you help Matt to create for the audience today.

@nvk743

9 ай бұрын

I really liked her perspective. I wish she got to go deeper with her train of thought

@littleblackbabycat

8 ай бұрын

I find her annoying and I don't come gerefir her input. I come fir a man's perspective.

OMG! I just finished off a 1 month situationship just as you've described. The Goldilocks Pain Paradox is a perfect description. We as women have the "savior complex" and when a guy describes a bad situation whether it be due to their health or an ex-partner, somehow we want to rally around him and make him feel better and even when he tells us that he's not open to a relationship we will wait around hoping he changes his mind and we do everything to keep things going smoothly so he won't leave. Oh and then when they want to sleep together and not be exclusive....that is horrible! Ladies...take back your power. There are so many healthy men out there for us to meet. Keep working on your self-worth while single because then when you meet a "bread-crumber"/unavailable guy, then you will be able to walk away immediately. When a man is dealing with some type of drama from an ex partner, he is not available to give us a healthy relationship, ever. A man needs to be free and clear from all drama before he can open his heart to a new relationship and this cannot be rushed! Men's recovery from drama are like seeds...you cannot stand over it and tell it to grow and hurry up to bear fruit. It takes time and the time and healing has to be on their own time and do it alone. Ladies, we cannot help a man get over his trauma...sorry.

@katelanxner278

Жыл бұрын

Plus from the email it is not possible to tell whether he has been the least bit curious about what her needs are, and what she feels commitment looks like. I read somewhere that the curiosity is something that will tip us whether a guy is relationship-worthy or not!

@2Ryled

Жыл бұрын

Men are not fixer uppers. Only houses and cars.

@2Ryled

Жыл бұрын

A man into you steps up. Calls, texts, shows up. A game player, is a time waster. Look up he's just not that into you ch1. You an option, not a priority. Game players can't commit bc they want mult gf. They have to come up with some bs. Cut him off

@unkn0wnr0ckstar

Жыл бұрын

dang girl... all of this!! I was in a situationship for a year and a half and recently found out he went back to his ex wife. LOL SERIOUSLY?

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

@@unkn0wnr0ckstar Like seriously 😳 I'm so sorry about that 🤦... And I guess you're feeling better now??

Every person is a “big deal” …….equally a big deal. Let him go 👋. He is not seeing other people consistently, but he is seeing other people.

@realopinion5765

Жыл бұрын

Amin!!

@Ohkeh640

Жыл бұрын

yeah facts, F that and he has too much baggage shes already in deep and hes not into her. she will be strung along lead on and he willl put his baggage onto her and she will leave drained.. no way. she should run,

@leescuderi8331

Жыл бұрын

@@Ohkeh640 Agree. This guys needs therapy and she's going to be his emotional punching bag until he figures himself out. Hes probably not able to be into anyone. Emotionally unavailable people skirt the line of someone with NPD. They will pick everyone apart in order to find reasons to check out. You can never be good enough for someone like that.

I'd been seeing a guy for 5 months. We both hadn't been seeing other people but hadn't agreed to be exclusive. We had been acting like a couple but without the commitment. He wanted to buy each other Christmas presents. I brought it up recently that we weren't exclusive and I thought we would end the conversation being exclusive. He said he wasn't seeing other people but wasn't ready to be exclusive. Which was disappointing because he had never said that before. I was looking for a relationship, his dating profile said he was looking for a relationship. I ended up calling it off. I felt blindsided but at least I'm not confused anymore.

@Alloniya

2 ай бұрын

😂 the only one who wasn’t seeing other people was you

@Emmah1243

2 ай бұрын

@@Alloniya I'm in a great relationship now!

Never be their..Priest, Therapist, Mother etc. Nothing attractive in rescuing. Why would l do that? I no longer allow my friends no mind men...to dump their stuff on me. Run. I did. Bliss

This is so true. I was in a relationship with a CEO of a company for a year or so. At no point during the relationship were my needs considered. Always what he needed, what others around him needed, etc. Of course at first he made it appear that my needs mattered. I put up with this because I wasn't clear on my needs, but it resulted in a lot of pain and time lost. Be careful out there all

@Sezfluffy

Жыл бұрын

CEO's are often narcs as they love power

@IVvOOvVI

11 ай бұрын

I knew one CEO who would be very rude to the wait staff. He wouldn’t communicate well too, and he’d just hand you stuff without telling you to take it or what to do with it. It was just like implicit as if he expects you to just read his mind and serve him. Just glad I got out of that unscathed because I realized that it was unhealthy very early on.

@nihaomaxiexie57

8 ай бұрын

I relate to this a lot!

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool

4 ай бұрын

I hope you have found someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated ❤

@jvyvyn

24 күн бұрын

literally how it’s going between me and my manager..

Don't interrupt Audrey when she is speaking!!! It is frustrating.

I agree that he’s likely a player. I dated a man like this who really manipulated me into feeling very sorry for him and it was his way of getting me to get my guard down. He ended up really being full of it.

That’s why it’s so important to have outsiders and coaches/ therapists. When we are “in it” it’s tricky to see outside of it. Very easy to get reeled into “their narrative” versus “my needs”.

I felt that Audrey couldn’t finish her Thought Strings without being interrupted.

@mmiiggueell

Жыл бұрын

30:28 specially here! She got interrupted twice 😮😮

@1998londoner

Жыл бұрын

Blokes- they can’t help themselves.

@jakevendrotti1496

Жыл бұрын

@@1998londoner Of course they can help it. People can hold their pee, so they can hold their tongues as well.

@TheoWentHome

Жыл бұрын

74 people agree with this comment

@elizab3341

Жыл бұрын

Important to point this out as a reality for a lot of women in a setting of men

As soon as you read the email I was like…wow, this woman has been blinded by her affections for this guy, and she is also lying to herself. The second you start wondering about “what your relationship is”, if the other person can’t clearly define it it means you are more invested in the relationship than the other person. She does indeed need to move on and invest her time and energy into someone else. Even if this is early on in the relationship it is clear she really cares about this man and he doesn’t.

I feel for this lady. I think … he is seeing quite a few people (not consistently). The fact you haven’t met his friends is a HUGE RED FLAG and that he doesn’t see you on the weekend. I’ve been in this situation and it makes you feel paranoid. Not healthy. Imagine if you had two nights with one, two nights with another etc etc. He’s having a ball and blaming his PTSD on his inability to be “consistent”. It’s a cop out and we get hooked in and feel so connected once they express vulnerability, but its a fake vulnerability designed to get what they want. Just my opinion. You deserve so much better.

My note to the woman who wrote this letter: he’s just not that into you - best to move on and refocus your attentions on a mutually reciprocal relationship.

@maryanncarine2075

Ай бұрын

100%. NO weekends or including his friends ? Sounds really fishy to me. Move on !

The way you love yourself raises the stakes for anyone who tries to catch you. I've always been infatuated with emotionally unavailable people, and it took me a tremendous amount of pain, therapy and soul-searching to realize I had mommy issues and found comfort in the pain I grew up with. So I'd advice anyone to ask themselves why you're looking for another one in the first place, and if you can see any reoccuring patterns.

@renomaus6575

Жыл бұрын

Love your name. Im at this point, i see a patern for attracting and being atracked to emo unaivable guys. All the advice i get : love yourself. Stay single for a while. Ok but when will i be ready again? 🤣

@MonaHerSelfM

Жыл бұрын

@@renomaus6575 maybe when you know that you can trust yourself with everything that could happen to you. When you can carry yourself and can meet someone on eyelevel. When you want people. Abd not need them.

@lindasonntag4098

Жыл бұрын

What is “ Goldilocks pain…”?

@mistyl1987

6 ай бұрын

Don't chase, the right person isn't going run.

I’ve had this situation so many times and every time they were seeing other women and ended up leaving for the one who didn’t obviously challenge any growth in them 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Tutume1111

Жыл бұрын

Yes, lots of low value men tend to choose path of least resistance

@janetkane682

Жыл бұрын

Yes, safe and secure which she did say was a primary need of hers.

@SaintsandSushi

Жыл бұрын

I always say that doormats will never have an issue dating or getting married. What guy with low self esteem wouldn’t want want a woman with no boundaries and with people pleasing tendencies.

@csx6910

Жыл бұрын

You're the common denominator here. And who is anyone to say he isn't exactly who he wants to be and is looking for someone who will accept him for him? Believe it or not, guys are people too and have their own ideas of what's right for themselves. If you're choosing guys you want to change, that is on you, not them.Your idea of "growth" might not be shared by them.

@KatBurke

Жыл бұрын

@@csx6910 thanks for this feedback. I’ve done years of work on this as it was a long time ago - now I see it happening with men and women all around the world in my business. Everyone gets an opportunity to grow and learn and enjoy higher level experience in their next relationships- or remain the same. It’s a choice

after 5 years and 2 kids I am still hearing things like this. Anything is an excuse not to commit despite the fact we have been playing house this entire time and all of his needs are 100% met. This is what I like to call Financing an entire life on hope. If your emotionally unavailble person can figure out what you really want, they can promise it to you down the road. This finances them to the full spouse treatment and all they have to invest is a carrot on a stick and then keep living their best life. They will never pay into the dream because they don't have to and have no desire to. Once you get disgruntled enough because theyve used you up and you've got no more to give they will dump you because you've changed and they arent attracted to negativity.

@007nadineL

Жыл бұрын

Be mad at yrself for living with and making babies with a man who doesn't want to marry you. THE BUCK STOPS WITH YOU SISTA

@Jettypilelegs

9 ай бұрын

That’s terrible advice. Don’t be mad at yourself, they come in disguise. It’s like being a lobster in a pan, the heat gets slowly turned up so you don’t know you’re dying until it REALLY hurts. Don’t berate yourself, but get out.

@kathrinkweseleit7074

7 ай бұрын

The term you are describing is „future faking“ and it is really cruel. Be happy that you have your Kids. I have none because of it and if I have had more awareness or selfesteem earlier in my life this wish could have been come true…

The pedestal effect … as soon as we value someone above us… we will always put ourselves and our needs second. The pedestal effect is an illusion… smoke and mirrors … the person is a bog standard human being, they came into the world the same and they will leave the same. They hold now magic powers or secrets to your heart or are the only possible person in the world who can make you feel this way …. That is a story we tell ourselves. No body makes us feel anything We make ourselves feel everything Everything comes from within From our imagination

Excellent video! Really appreciated everyone’s input! If a man wants a relationship with a woman, it shouldn’t take a panel of experts to analyze and dissect the issue. There won’t even be a question. She will feel it. He will make it known.

@RachelSings21

Жыл бұрын

I’m with someone (for the first time really, despite being previous married) who makes it BLATANTLY obvious that he wants to be in a relationship with me. Every single previous relationship I’ve ever been in I’ve had to call my friends constantly to ask their advice, to voice my concerns etc. This is what I should have waited for this entire time. It’s a really great feeling, to date someone without stress and worry.

@windysmith7367

Жыл бұрын

@@RachelSings21 I am happy for you. I hope to find that some day.

I have walked into this kind of situation multiple times, not necessarily that they wouldn't date me exclusively, but that they use past experiences or job or situation as excuses of why they can't fulfill my needs, and always made me feel guilty for even asking for those needs. I think I need to re-listen to this miltiple times to remind myself that I don't have to feel guilty for having needs and there is someone out there that can fulfill my relationship needs.

@lexienicole1458

Жыл бұрын

Boom, exactly. You said it exactly right!

@lalaalaaalaaaalalaa

Жыл бұрын

@Don K your boss has power over you. Period. If your boss really cares about you; he'd support you to get a different job, or he'd get a different job.

Oof 😥… she immediately justified his actions prior to addressing her concerns. This is a big red flag. Much easier to see it happening to someone else than recognize when it’s happening to you. And even when you do, you’ve been through all the unhealthy stages that end up keeping you there.

This hit home so hard.. It was me/is me right now.. two weeks ago we had the hard conversation about what we really are/doing and we ended up breaking off the “situation-ship” on his terms and tbh it was more of a full on relationship without the labels.. So the breakup hit me so much harder than I thought it would.. looking back Ive elevated this man to such a high level.. I’ve been so gracious to his needs and feelings.. And mine have just been left unattended and bottled until I cry into my pillow.. he wants to still be friends which I agreed with because I care about him so much.. but it’s so painful.. and I’ve been basically lying to myself that I’m okay and that this is okay and a positive thing.. but I’m internally so hurt.. and I think I need to create space between us.. but I have abandonment issues and fear of being alone.. so I’m actually the worst at distancing myself from people.. blahhh Also I didn’t even want the situation-ship in the first place and made it clear to him that I was afraid of being hurt again and he was respectful but jokingly said “but I can’t help it if you fall in love with me” which again looking back really doesn’t feel good.. It seems he love bombed me and then when it started to get too serious he pulled all his love away and emotionally shut me out and after enduring months of that I finally initiated the conversation that deep down I knew would lead to the end of things.. I just hate how closed it has made my heart and trust againnn :(

@samiam5434

Жыл бұрын

Me too dear 😔 I’m sorry. I hope you know you are valuable and loved. I value you.

@harmonica6141

Жыл бұрын

Ohhh god. Freaking same happened with me.

@njay4361

Жыл бұрын

Happened to me too. Glad I didn't waste any more time than I did getting my heart broken. :(

@asmatarar9131

Жыл бұрын

Omg Are you me ? Lmao reading this whole thing is like sooooooo close to where I’m at wowz.

@carolinecuevas6977

Жыл бұрын

I feel you on this. Going through the same exact thing. Even had the conversation about how I had feelings and tried not to see him but somehow we ended up still seeing each other with no titles. I know what I have to do but it’s so hard.

The thing is, narcissists will usually create the illusion for those who date them, that they are rare, and that they won't find someone as amazing as them. And again, for those who are confused by such a man, it is advisable to pay attention to how he treats her, and what she really gets in the relationship. In addition, when it comes to a therapist who is dating someone like that, she may be more compassionate towards him and may intellectualize the situation too much. Also, if a woman dates a man, she should look for how she feel in this realationship, and not fall for his stardust

@angeritchie4034

Жыл бұрын

Un'real'ationship more likely 😉

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

Well said!✅ But this days they illusions are not only created by the narcissist too. It's happening everywhere, comes anytime and a lot of good Homes, Love Life and Marriage has fall victim of this but I also understand that it takes the strong once who really know what they desire no matter what condition they face with their present Love Life. As pertains to that; everyone is free to move on with his/her Life if your partner refuses to read you better or give you that Love Life you crave for 🤷 Basically dissolving the Relationship amicably firstly before moving ahead for another🤏, just saying prolly not to leave the other person shattered just cos he/she wasn't giving you that Love Life you craving for... Guess I'm right??😏 Well, that was great Conversation between 'em all.. Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@ifatflower

Жыл бұрын

@@Richiehawk happy holidays!🌸🌟. I agree. I think it's a matter of values: well being and reciprocity more up in the value scale than status and being an "important" person

@ifatflower

Жыл бұрын

@@angeritchie4034 Exactly! I couldn't find better words:))

@ifatflower

Жыл бұрын

@@Richiehawk Diving deeper into it, I think that if someone has grown up lacking qualities like: love, money, status... he/she will look for them in a relationship, but because they feel lacking in these qualities, and need to first find them inside themselves, they may attract the wrong person in a relationship.

There is something else in here. He spoke in length about his ptsd and that's when she started falling in love with him. She is also an empathetic coach. One thing is to deepen a relationship through vulnerability, and another thing is to have a rescuing pattern that might get activated when someone else's express their pain.

He’s not ready for a relationship, and enjoying her companionship. It doesn’t matter how much you like someone. If they don’t want to give you a relationship, you have to move on. Judge people by their actions, especially men in this day and age in the world of dating, not by their words, or their wounds or reasons. Btw, I’m loving Audrey. I am loving her energy. She seems like a kind soul.

16:40 is the truth, when someone has a story explaining why they can’t be available, or can’t act right etc., RUN. I have had this happen so many times, and actually believed some really crazy stories. The fact is, whenever I have gotten into a serious relationship, they guy made it known they were interested right away, and there were no crazy stories,

He's absolutely bread-crumbing her to string her along. No doubt he is seeing multiple other people. She seems a little blinded by his star power which could happen to anybody. It also sounds like he did a bunch of trauma dumping/bonding with her to keep her hooked. He sounds like he has a schtick and sounds pretty vile to be honest. "Lisa" has true empathy and he could see that in her and used it to his advantage.

@anniem2777

Жыл бұрын

Very true

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

That's Right! Literally, that was a great Conversation between 'em all.. Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@leescuderi8331

Жыл бұрын

All the hallmarks of a narcassist.

Been there done that... I wasn't willing to wait outside his mansion till he opens the door to let me in. Moved on.

It’s not that easy to find another person you have that kind of connection with. I agree he’s not emotionally available but as a middle aged woman looking for love in a world where men value hookup culture, it’s just not as easy to just move on to the next person and find love anymore.

@cbh2409

8 ай бұрын

all the more reason to give up fast. Women have to focus on quantity to find one good guy. As we reach older ages, the good guys are about 1% of the population of available men. So we need to date 99 guys to find one good guy. Quantity is everything. Move on quickly. And, above all, find happiness as a solo woman, because the odds are very low that we will find a decent guy.

@sandracastillo3317

8 ай бұрын

we have a connection and he acknowledges how unique it is and calls me his best friend but he can't and won't commit to an exclusive relationship but wants me to be in his life ...forever. This is after 13 years of friendship and incredible attraction and being intimate for a year. After everything was wonderful he just dropped me and he went dark. I gave him 3 months of space, to work out on whatever was bothering him and I still didn't hear from him. The day I said I had it, I am done with this...I am going to go out and put myself out there despite my broken heart, NO EXPECTATIONS, and that day, I met an amazing person whom connected with ME. The connection is different but it is just as deep and just as instant. We have so many things in common that were even more rare and quirky. He is younger then me and has been hurt but has done so much work on himself, he is ready and open for a relationship. His values are the secret things I long for. It just showed me that this is a big world and there are other possible connections if we are open to them. I put my best friend/ex-lover on a pedastel that may not have been deserved. He wants to have fun enjoy our connection but doesn't see me as his wife. Life is too short.

@caeliamoonshadow

8 ай бұрын

Girl I feel this. I think being single is better than jumping into the swamp expecting to find treasure though.

@lumity238

6 ай бұрын

So True, I lost my husband of 48 years ,I'm 67 and the men that are out their are fat ,lazy and full of BS .

"... the reasons don't matter - you are not in a position to give me what I need ... " OMG! Wish I'd seen this 30 years ago!!!

It sounds like he wanted to see her so often so he could hopefully get love advice from her for free and help him heal from his last breakup! We women are not bandaids for men’s broken hearts.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

Like seriously! 😳😳 Well, I think women can be a bandaids for men's broken heart because they're looking lots of Men out here today looking forward to that special sweet Soul to help them Heal through prolly end up happily ever after... Guess I'm right?? Literally, that was a great Conversation between 'em all.. Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

Love Aubrey’s perspective as a woman . She’s so on point of what we as women might be thinking . Great topic thank you !

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

That's Right! She's amazing and that was a great Conversation between 'em all.. Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

Fully agree with Jamison. I felt it immediately - from the fact that she lost her center and felt a need to ask you (when she herself knows relationship stuff), to the ways she lifts him up as soooo perfect, to - yup - his vagueness and bullshit. Let's remember, even fully diagnosed narcissists are just broken souls. . . so we don't have to diss him, just get the heck out of his orbit.

Probably the only good dating advice I've ever seen on the Internet. These people know what they're talking about. Intelligent and clearly derived from experience for an audience of mature adults. Good stuff!

You guys are spot on. As a guy, I’ve been guilty of being blinded by the fact that a woman is both successful and beautiful, and assumed that there was more going on than their really was. It turned out it was my ego and need for validation that made me believe they were more interested in me than they really were. Love, or more accurately infatuation, is blind.

@Liz-in8lu

Жыл бұрын

Nate, is that you?! Lol my recent ex. Think he liked the checked boxes with me, but reality hit hard.

Audrey is just such a pure soul. Everytime I see her in a video, I get a warm feeling. Well done, Matthew!

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

That's Nice! He's amazing and that was a great Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@LuisRodriguez-qu8pb

Жыл бұрын

he is single that is why

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

@@LuisRodriguez-qu8pb oh! Thanks... That's cool!!

@rhiannabrittany13

Жыл бұрын

She reminds me of my best friend , a Myers briggs type ENFJ

@kaneshirogirl

Жыл бұрын

She's so wise! Love her.

I think the female coach is giving her power to the big shot in that she FEELS valued because he is prominent in his industry (A Legend in His Own Mind). Consider him a dodged bullet and don’t give him an audience.

I loved all the laughter and comments about how dodgy this guy is, we all needed to hear it!

My dad once told me, "watch a man's feet. If his mouth is going one way, see if his feet follow direction. When in doubt, believe his feet." At the time a boyfriend of mine had been talking about us getting married, even taking me to shops like Tiffany&Co. to look at rings, browsing open houses and Zillow with me to prepare for where we might live together, presumably "soon" while he "saved up for it". I knew he wasn't making a bundle and was supporting a child from his previous marriage as well as himself, so I was very understanding... But a year or two later, we were still " just looking" while I helped support him so he could save up faster. Dad was probably right ;o)

@moufou4life

Жыл бұрын

I’m a guy and your dad is 100% right, personally this advice is for both men and women

@LarennPBel

Жыл бұрын

this is true

@nam_nam

Жыл бұрын

Something similar I hear is "show don't tell" as words mean little without showing something. Pretty much the same thing but I liked the way your dad said it more.

@brightpage1020

Жыл бұрын

@@nam_nam exactly, thank you. Yes, my dad has a clever way to storyteller tell it that was so compelling it broke through my denial and - what another friend calls "hopium".

@christinarichie6171

Жыл бұрын

Watch those divorcees especially the men with offspring. It rarely goes anywhere and you are not their main priority either. Also they don't have the funds to enter into a serious relationship.( Especially in this era) No woman should ever support a man financially etc.

It doesn't matter how amazing the crush looks to you (not only talking about looks but also status etc) - if your crush isn't making you feel good, it's not amazing. You need to change your criteria for what an amazing person is.

Never give up on ur authenticity for hanging on to a relationship. Be who u are, embrace ur needs, wants emotions and core beliefs.

OMG... Please do more of these roundtable talks. The dynamics of the group are GREAT.

shes enamored by a high profile person and is throwing everything she knows out the window... she needs to see other people no matter how she doesnt want to

@leescuderi8331

Жыл бұрын

I do agree. She sounds like she wants the "popular guy" so bad she is willing to sacrifice her mental health for it. Thats almost as sad. If it was your average joe she might have jumped ship a long time ago.

Do not go on dating apps/websites if you are not ready to date. Full stop. Go hang out with your friends instead or be open about just looking for sex. Be respectful, be mindful. It's not that hard. *eye roll*

My boyfriend is so pure listening to this story. He doesn't understand what the guy is doing wrong because he's never had these kind of selfish intentions with women. I say that having been his friend for nearly a decade before we started dating.

@007nadineL

Жыл бұрын

I love yr bf 😍😍😍😍

@kausha7135

Жыл бұрын

@@007nadineL he's wonderful ❤️

This screams out RUNNNNN. I’m sure so many are going to disagree with me, but this is THE reason I don’t think peoples should be having sex until both of them make a clear cut decision that they want to be in a relationship and committed to each other emotionally first. With this comes rings, signing of marriage certificates, setting a date, and attending premarital counseling. There is nothing good coming from giving your body to someone else before this point- it seems to inevitably lead to this situationship. It’s so so sad and always throws off the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you 💯.. I feel so sad haven Known that it's Rare to fine TRUE LOVE, SOULMATE, FRIENDSHIPS AND MARRIAGE LIFE this days 🥺🥺💔 I pray they God save us all prolly for everyone to understand the good rewards for building a decent and healthy Relationship Life following the Dynamics of decent bonding as pertains to what you emphasized on... That's Right! She's amazing and that was great Conversation between 'em all.. Btw; I'm wishing you Merry Christmas and a happy week ahead 🤗, Stay happy healthy and safe friend 👍

@nikajsify

Жыл бұрын

Women feel way more bonded after sex than men. Due to this they hang on to situationships screaming of red flags. Without the sex eyes and mind would see things way clearer and walking away would be wasier. See also how Hollywood and tv are feeding as thinking asif hookup culture is normal. Jersey Shore, ex on the beach, temptation island, we are constantly brainwashed into thinking sex is not really a big deal, just do it and enjoy.

@Richiehawk

Жыл бұрын

@@nikajsify nice wordings, I agree with you 💯 You're indeed an amazing woman! Btw; here are Roses from me to you 😁🌹🌹🌹🌹 Merry Christmas and Happy new year 🥳🥳

@ladyjade6446

Жыл бұрын

Agree!

@kolorbeauty9757

Жыл бұрын

Agree !!!

My personal tactic is Never Sleep w/ a guy you're Not In a Relationship w/. The guys looking for one nites will be gone so fast you don't have a chance to care if they're 'gone'. PTSD huh? How many women has He Given PTSD??

@sparkstudies1675

Жыл бұрын

Was it clear that they were sleeping together?

I’m learning the hard way that if you don’t feel wanted in your relationship then it’s time to go. I thought she’d change eventually but she didn’t and wasn’t even trying.

I once asked a guy after spending a few days together who are we to each other. He looked at me like I was crazy and said ‘I’m your boyfriend! What else were you thinking?!’

Warning … this man is dangerous for your happiness! Matt, nailed it with the Goldilocks situation! you have said before something as spot on … some people will distract you with their chaos to avoid giving you what you need!”… mind blowing advice 😀

I’ve been dating someone the last three years. I was just checking in on Mathew! I feel like you really kept me company in a way back when I was single. Lol. Thanks for being such a wonderful person and there for all the searching souls out there. Hang in there everyone. And enjoy all the freedom, the world has so much potential around each corner for you. Life will surprise you! Believe in your worth and others will see it, too

@2Ryled

Жыл бұрын

After 3 yrs no marraige move on

@prettywhitney17

Жыл бұрын

This is so sweet ❤ needed this!

@TheFlowerGardenZa

Жыл бұрын

❤

I have so much compassion for this Lisa. Being a coach I assume it's extra difficult to admit you have a blindspot. Definitely sounds like an unhealthy situation and (conscious or subconscious) manipulation.

I think Audrey is right about this value in dating a celebrity. Wether we like it or not we would all be excited to date a celebrity and feel extra special to be included in their world. It’s definitely something that is valued but like she said, it’s already making you unhappy. Humanize him and really think about what you need.

I am a psychologist and i loved your answer Matthew! Also Audrey is amazing when she speaks! It really revolved around how staying true to our needs and truth is more important that engaging in self-betrayal in order to "finally receive love form the other person" or "make them change", which is always unfortunately the subconscious thought or "trap" when this happens. Good team guys, keep up with the good work.

She's a place holder. And rebound. And free advice everyone pays for. All those feelings he's vomiting on her, to get her hooked, but promised nothing. It's all about him and fake wounds. Its a lie. Dangling the carrot of a relationship in her face, but she cant quite reach it. So she put herself on a shelf. And now its all about him. It's a way to get a relationship without a relationship label. Lies. Game player, time waster. Shes now a pseudo therapist. He has one he pays!. She's an option not a priority. Playing wounded games. If he's that wounded, he wouldn't date. He started off playing games, they will get worse over time.

@personne3837

Жыл бұрын

Wow it's like you are talking about my last relationship, he told me he was separated from his wife but he couldn't connect with me, couldn't put a name on our relation. He said he was thinking about me all the time but never had the time to talk or write a message for weeks😒. I betrayed myself because i "fall for" the potential rather than the person. I lost 5 months with him, what a waste.

I had to break up with someone stating just that. I would like to be in a committed relationship and this is not something that you can offer me and that is okay, but that means I need to remove myself from things. Took me a few years and a pandemic to finally get there. Because I felt so grateful that anyone chose me, since for me dating is kind of rare. I really liked him, I know he really liked me, but was NEVER going to be what I wanted. Took my power back. And didn't have to be angry to do it. It helped.

YES! Jamison ❤ Stop making excuses for people. We do it too often, when nothing heals trauma but time and work. But don’t sideline yourself in the meantime.

Hi, would you please discuss love-bombing and future faking versus an extraverted guy being genuinely interested and emotionally expressive right from the beginning?

@Tutume1111

Жыл бұрын

Love bombers come quickly but their excitement doesn't last long.Look if actions meet words and give it time as the flakey ones will drop off themselves

@Aliena92

Жыл бұрын

@@Tutume1111 but they say love bombing can even be in a marriage where one partner has a hidden agenda

@mike198383

Жыл бұрын

Having been the person who has done the Love Bombing and now realize where it comes from it is this. It usually stems from a point of view 1.Projecting what they desire and makes them feel emotionally safe. 2.Trying to form a quick connection due to having an anxious Attachment style 3.wanting to secure their hold on you so that you won't want to go to anyone else and are fighting insecurities. I have been guilty of all 3 of these situations and someone with a Secure Attachment will catch on to it really fast. Have a conversation with him and just call it out as it is and see if it screams the Extraverted side or what I have stated above. Maybe he does not even realize he is doing it and why he is doing it. I did not know until a female friend told me about it. If he is a affectionate person then he needs to be informed in order to realize how to tone it back and match your energy and become in sync.

@Aliena92

Жыл бұрын

@@mike198383 Thank you, I appreciate your comment a lot, now I see that not always such behavior might hide some bad intentions. I don't mind anxious attachment style, since I like taking care of people and am nurturing. Also #3 is flattering, #1 is dangerous though...

@mike198383

Жыл бұрын

@@Aliena92 So I could talk to you more about the anxious part. Being nurturing and wanting to take care of someone is a good thing but be careful with that as you can then slip in to being their mother. I just got out of a relationship where we both had the same attachment style and i see the ramifications of that. This has to be seen in Therapy which is why i'm seeking it and my eyes and knowledge have been opened up tremendously.

Interesting. My ex used to be emotionally unavailable, then after we broke up he changed. He saw the value in trusting others with the deeper parts of himself. Now he is so lovely. I am proud of his change.

@omarsss1669

Жыл бұрын

Did u get back with your ex?

@tete4now

Жыл бұрын

Recently broke up with mine for same reason. I hope he can heal and become open and available to love again. Yet I admit after 8 yrs with him, it might hurt me a bit. I just need to heal my own wounds from it.

@christinarichie6171

Жыл бұрын

@@tete4now Keep walking and don't look back.

@Alloniya

2 ай бұрын

Lol why you still in a contact with him in a first place

@LA-cm9uo

2 ай бұрын

@@Alloniya We remained friends, now we're engaged

Four years cycles of breaking up and getting back together, always felt I haven’t quite gotten to the core of the problem. This video offered everything I needed to know, lots of ah ha moments. Thank you Matt ❤

Lisa already knows the answer. She wanted you to tell her she was wrong. I hope you guys helped her feel more comfortable letting go.

Thanks for this. I was in a similar situation earlier this year with a man I had been seeing for 6 months. In the end he wasn't ready for a relationship but wanted to remain friends and keep seeing me. I walked away from him and never contacted him again. It was so painful. It was a split second decision because he had started to become inconsistent due to his mental issues (so he said....) and I was not happy anymore. I just knew continuing a friendship with him would be too painful and not fair to me. Like you said he gets what he wants and I'm left with nothing I want. I have been questioning my self for months about if I did the right thing. After listening to this I have a new perspective on it so thank you 😊

Everything you said here is true. But I would like to add that the fact that Lisa has apparently been seduced by celebrity says something about her that I don't think is healthy. I'm from LA and I have known a number of people who are swept off their feet by celebrity, so much so that they will throw better people aside for the opportunity to hang with a celebrity. Lisa's stress on the "big deal"ness of the guy reminded me of these people. I think there is a deep-seated issue there that needs to be addressed.

Thank you for this! I am also a coach and found my relationship too close for me to see it clearly. I had already ended it, but still felt hope that he would change and contact me. After watching this I blocked him on social media and I feel really good about it. I don’t want his posts or stories popping up. I don’t want to look at his feed. I want to open myself up to someone who sees my value and wants to invest just as much as I do. Thank you so much! This was perfect timing for me 😘

I love that you are making fun of the communication patterns. It helps me to see them. They come in variations and one can be blind when hearing them from someone you like and would like to date or commit to

This is so spot on. I have been in a relationship like this for 6 years. When I finally ditched him it took him 3!!!!! weeks to find another girl.

@Sezfluffy

Жыл бұрын

they always do that, we should be taught self worth at school x

This is tough. I kind of lean towards leaving this guy behind. I have ptsd, and if I have met someone I am really into, I would go into it together 🤷‍♀️ nothing can hold me back when I have strong feelings for someone

@GamingTree990

Жыл бұрын

I think that’s great if the other person also wants to work on their PTSD or other self work. It would be beautiful to heal with someone else, but I don’t think this guy wants that at all.

@victoriam2267

Жыл бұрын

Yeah - key words going into it together, but it's a losing battle if Cocky Tom isn't willing to put in the work and help himself through his pain. What he needs to do is work towards finding ways to be happy alone first before bringing his trauma into his relationships.

@catcat9582

Жыл бұрын

You're also NOT a man

I needed to hear this so bad. I am in a complicated relationship with a rising news reporter who is doing rather well in her career. There always seems to be very little room for error on my end, but the sea of forgiveness I give her when she’s being unreasonable never seems to be appreciated. It’s hard because you do fall in love with people pursuing this kind of life. They need this love, too. It’s hard when you see the more human side of them, and just want to stay around in hopes of seeing more of that.

@wheathusk2499

Жыл бұрын

But if u bend over backwards for them they won't respect you. You will have them because you are convenient not bc they love u.

@007nadineL

Жыл бұрын

Chase her hard and try to marry her. Men love to marry b1tchezzzzz

This is brilliant! I love the Goldilocks paradox. You just explained my last relationship and several others. And now I have complete clarity, and it's very easy to move on. And I love how I now understand why I got stuck.

"when you treat someone like a celebrity they treat you like a fan." She sounds like she is putting the guy on a high pedestal.

Thank you for this video and thank you Lisa for sharing your personal experience. Im in this position. Though less of a ‘big deal’ than he’d like to think. I’ve been given scraps and excuses and reasons for years. This year was supposed to be the fully committed one. Yet I spent my birthday alone, I spent Christmas without him, he referred to me as his driver to “prevent gossiping”, he says he ‘can’t’ call when he’s with his kids but does if/when it suits. If I discuss future plans it results in arguments and excuses. The recent insults have been a massive slap in the face. But the past 7 days we haven’t talked or seen each other and I feel like my heart space is open and my head is clear. Im seeing, appreciating and letting in the love that is there, does show up and choose me. I feel like, after 4-5 years(!) that I can see clearly. I see my trauma bond, my mistakes, letting myself down over and over again. The sad part is, our bodies, our nervous system, our intuition tell us all the information we need to know. And it tells us over and over and over and over again. Until, once day that water clears, you no longer cling to sadness as a sense of connection to them, you no longer want pain over forgetting them and you see and hear and feel everything for it’s truth. Your reality has been just a desire and a fantasy. And that’s a sad place to be. But realising and releasing it is the healing work

@yoshitaarora4240

Жыл бұрын

So much truth in this video and this comment. Literally have got done with a guy of same type I invested an entire year on. I regret wasting every second on the guy, because he sold himself to me for his past trauma and took all the girlfriend benefits, shared every bit about himself, his ex, his friends, his family to me and I gave him that benefit of doubt, that emotional support and the therapy he needed, but then when I asked him what I meant to him, he straight up said he's not looking for a relationship and that he's not attached to anyone. I was left heartbroken and It took me so long to heal from it, I actually got really attached to him. Such a loser!

@2Ryled

Жыл бұрын

A guy who is into you shows up, persue's, calls, texts, is there. No games period. A guy who doesn't is a game player and time waster. You are an option. He has you on back burner while he still seing what's out there. Don't be an option, be a priority. As soon as date 2 no show he should have been done. He shouldn't get free gf experience without commitment. Look up he's just not that into you ch1. On utube. Look up signs of a bad relationship. And what is a narcissist and narcissistic supply. And breadcrumbing. Which he was doing. And hoovering bc he'll be back when he's bored. And signs of a player for good measure. Stop taking crumbs

@sabrinamariamusic

Жыл бұрын

Then why are you still with him love? I know that’s hard to hear, but your self-worth is worth the heartache you may feel for a little while getting over him. What have you to get over? Nothing, but selfishness. Until you value yourself, you will not attract someone who can value you. I’ve been ghosted by someone recently that I really care about. There is no excuse I am willing to hear. He’s deleted and blocked and doing that actually healed me. Stand up for yourself because nobody else will. Men who can hurt women like this are immature and insecure and are not the protection we crave as women, but the opposite! Let him continue in his own muddy waters whilst you venture into new pastures green. ❤

@dineend8335

Жыл бұрын

You were being used.

As a woman who’s really been through it , I’d like to send a big THANK YOU to Mr. Hussey . Watching your videos has helped me navigate the rough waters of dating and taught me so much about myself and others . I’ve grown to be a smart , confident woman with boundaries , and I’ve been able to help so many others by sharing your videos !!! You are a topic of conversation on our “ therapy couches “ here in my living room and referenced frequently as one of the people that helped us “figure it out “ . Thank you Matthew ! You’ve got a group of fans here in small town USA !

Literally the same happened just now with a lady a couple of days ago. Maybe I'm wrong but often these feelings come out as warnings to us. Our bodies or souls warning us. We ignore it and blame it on a defect. Instead of listening to ourselves.

Also I hear so many people (as in this example) say things like, I’m securely attached- and support that with examples of how they behave on an external level as it pertains to the dating world. Or the ‘right’ way of doing things etc. I think there can be a huge danger (and I’m glad it’s often touched on in your videos) for dating coaches to simply espouse the more superficial elements of how to respond, be healthy when it comes to relationship etc without making sure to consistently add the addendum of what is possibly going on at a deeper level. Or as Matthew mentioned here, subconsciously. Many of us may say oh I’m healthy independent secure etc and ACT all the right ways, and look the part, but this is an example of where our subconscious drive to put someone else’s needs first. Or minimize our own experiences, desires, and realities.. May seem like security. Or a lack of being ‘needy.’ When in reality these behaviors can mask some deeply rooted insecurities around making ourselves small, or subconscious drives while at the surface appearing to be doing the right thing or handling something healthily. It is such an oft overlooked topic that sometimes SEEMING insecure or openly discussing concerns, etc is actually rather secure. Suppressing these things to stay in alignment with formal dating advice.. trying to understand someone else’s motives etc. Are all examples of security being more of ‘root’ issue to heal with self, and be aware of. Versus the behaviors that mimic security. Just calling this to awareness and also glad that your videos especially recently seem to gently and helpfully touch on some of these things. Basically self love, above all else, and especially above finding love or even having healthy relationships. At the end of the day what matters most is our reality, our happiness. And it’s amazing to connect and understand others perspectives but never at the cost of our own. And by the way, ‘secure’ is a very overused and not helpful thing- we all have insecurities and issues all along the spectrum and the more we bring them into the open and normalize those conversations (as opposed to it being some dating world badge of honor to label one’s self as ‘secure’) the happier and more authentic we all will be. It is secure to be open about your insecurities!! That’s the golden ticket to get to in the end. In my opinion. And if someone else is being vulnerable with theirs- great! But yours are just as important. And if they don’t line up, or create comfort and a feeling of safety or whatever the case for whomever’s individual needs, THAT is what’s important. It is so easy to get caught up in what’s ‘right,’ that we sometimes forget to just really stand up for and embrace and own what is right for US as individuals. And what we value. and letting go of the outcomes from there. To me that is what ‘secure’ means at the end of the day… not the details about how many times you want to see someone or appearing independent to attract someone etc or the surface level aspects but, just being ok with what works for you. Even if that’s too much or too little for someone else. That is security.

@atrapdr6251

Жыл бұрын

This is really interesting, I’ve never thought about it like this!

@mp-pl8rw

Жыл бұрын

Good point. She says she is securely attached and maybe behaves so externally but a securely attached person would have clarified the situation early on and wouldn't have put up with any of this.

@Dani-lc9hq

Жыл бұрын

Great comment!! Also someone who says they are securely attached says that based on previous relationships... but every relationship can create a different dynamic and when someone is on the opposite end someone who used to be secure suddenly feels anxious or avoidant... because truth is noone likes people who are super needy and noone likes people who are super distant...

@lovedbeyond6422

Жыл бұрын

This was my first thought too!! Like her attachment style is a style of clothes she chose to wear that day and she is completely aware of the correct way to "wear it" but her behavior and what she's accepting is very anxious attachment trauma.

@kausha7135

Жыл бұрын

Yup! All of this. I was also such a cool, never needy, independent, "you can leave me and I'll find another you tomorrow" type, but it was all just a front. Inside, I desperately wanted these men I loved to love me back just as much, but I feared they didn't so I never showed them how I felt. The shitty ones somehow knew anyway and used it to their advantage. There were a few good ones I pushed away too though because I was so aloof. Now, I'm much better at protecting my heart without being ashamed of it.