Life is a never ending grieving. Some days we have it handled so well and some days it’s overpowering us. It’s ok.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Well said.

So good Alan. Been single for 4 years and doing so much work on myself, being alone, practicing self love, staying intentionally single and sustaining self. Still going but i feel I'm moving through this. Love to everyone struggling. You can make this better ❤

@pipwhitefeather5768

6 ай бұрын

Single for 7 years and also working on myself. I hope one day I'll be able to feel safe with some one, and I hope the same for you x Happy self contentment x

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for the kind comment and for sharing your experience.

I am absolutely blown away by your insights. You have described everything I have been experiencing for the last three years - the compulsion, being other-directed, and feeling like a ghost in my own life. I have been frustrated by the fact hat no matter what I accomplish, it feels hollow and almost like I am watching these things happen to someone else. I love what you had to say about not shaming ourselves for wanting what we want - we want connection, and that's normal and natural - yet our power source has to first come from ourselves. I felt a great shift while watching this - thank you for gifting these videos to the world. You are truly making a difference.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the kind feedback. So important to keep talking about connecting and relating. Glad my work speaks to you and thank you for valuing my effort.

I just want to feel better. I’m so desperate to get over this person and I don’t know how. I’ve tried everything I can think of

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

This sounds challenging, I hear you. Many of us can relate with being in this place. I remember when this came up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It was similar to your comment. Take the relationship quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Excellent description of how people injured by attachment trauma experience others as saviors who give us a sense of self, value, belonging and even reality. How we look externally for something that can only be found internally. I especially like your metaphor of collapsed scaffolding. Thank you!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you, glad this video spoke to you. And thank you for valuing my effort.

There is something about you that is so genuine and understanding .Acute bouts of despair are soothed when I listen to you. Thank you for sharing so generously and compassionately. Yiu have touched a human heat with your gift.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work and glad it is so helpful and offers value. Please take the KZread link and post it elsewhere such as other social media sites. It really helps me spread the word about these topics. Thanks for your help and I appreciate the feedback.

Wow, this video is so me, 11 months since breakup and everything sucks

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Glad this video speaks to you and I hear you.

WOW….It has been almost three years Alan since I joined your group. I watched and re-watched all of your original videos continuously. I knew you were speaking to me…I just could not imagine ever feeling whole again and being able to wake up and cherish life again. I broke up with her and got back together so many times it was insane. Initially, after the breakup, I was more lost than what I was while in the relationship. Slowly, I began to feel better….My now ex girlfriend has healed, I have healed and life is SO good again. I can’t thank you enough….sincerely, from the bottom of my heart…understanding this, and acting on it saved my life. I have no idea if I will ever be in a relationship again, at my age of 65 I have seen this movie too many times and am really enjoying myself again. Being alone (All One) (see what I did there) has brought me peace and understanding of myself. So good to see you back on videos ! Merry Christmas to you ! For anyone struggling with this….there is hope and light at the end of a long dark tunnel…you will be content again one day. 😊❤

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the thoughtful comment. Thank you for being a member of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships and thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to hear you're finding clarity and it sounds like you're finding an improved relationship with yourself.

10 years later after over 25 together. Therapy, more and more medication. PTSD and other diagnosis which get added month after month. "It has been said, "time heals all wounds". I do not agree. The wounds remain. In tome, the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." ~Rose Kennedy

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I understand. Thank you for sharing your experience, many of us can relate.

Finally someone who can coherently verbalize what people with attachment trauma go through including losing their sense of self instead of just using “helpful” labels such as BPD. I hope you write a book for other therapists to educate them on the connection of identity, emotional childhood neglect and “love addiction”/limerence because from a distance, it kind of all makes sense, doesn’t it… thank you for the video, really appreciated

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the comment. Thank you for sharing this content creates clarity and thank you valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.

@MIOLAZARUS

5 ай бұрын

BPD is CPTSD just with a lot of worse connotations. Dont let anyone define you as Borderline when we cant even define what consciousness is❤

@DanielleMM-ct8ip

4 ай бұрын

@@MIOLAZARUSthe label while can be too identifying or villainizing- it helps to understand what is happening in your inner world bc if you weren’t loved you usually can’t self soothe. For the most part being diagnosed borderline gave me context to my experience, but I find it very hard to heal past and not just regulate.

@MIOLAZARUS

4 ай бұрын

@@DanielleMM-ct8ip so true.. I understand this sentiment completely❤️ Lots of nervous system damage. We can do it! Sending so much love ✨⭐️

A wound of being invisible. I have always felt like I am a huge hole. Just emptiness and needing something outside myself to give me definition. I am nothing. 😢grief and aloneness as a way of life. I had night terrors for many years. Now I am living a zombie existence.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience. Many of us can relate with this feeling of emptiness. Glad you commented.

@Jaasyl

6 ай бұрын

I can relate. Please find a reliable caring therapist to talk to weekly. Hopefully you have insurance to pay for it, I know it is not affordable without insurance. I can’t tell you won’t still feel the way you feel but keep trying to find people who can support you. Developing a spiritual practice can help too to keep going.

Hi Alan, I want to thank you for sharing this video. It deeply resonates with me. I had a wonderful relationship with someone but then we broke up. It was an amicable break up and we didn't want to lose each other so we jumped straight to friendship. It was clearly a mistake because we needed time to grieve for the relationship, but I thought that we could work on the transition well because we always had a strong friendship foundation in the romantic relationship. But, I was wrong. Something clearly had shifted and the friendship didn't feel like OUR normal. In those few very agonizing few months, I felt like I was clinging to whatever left between us, and every moment where I didn't feel like my energy was reciprocated was a rejection to me. I developed limerence. I fantasized about getting back with her even though I KNEW that it's not what I want and need. I genuinely only want to be friends, but I couldn't help it. I also became codependent and reactive, and I didn't know why because we had a very secure relationship when we were together. I felt insecure whenever she choose to spend her time with her new friends instead of me. Worse, I felt intense SHAME because I know it's wrong, but I didn't know how to overcome it. I had breakdown almost everyday. I swing between feeling angry toward her and myself. I thought she's leaving me for some new friends, but most of all - I blamed myself for everything. We gave each other space now to heal and I'm trying my best to find help. It's' been four months since we had last talked. Among all resources, yours have been the one that helped me the most. A lot of resources out there just urge us to 'move on' and emphasize on how our ex partner wasn't the right person for us - to the point where it's normalize to hate them, but they don't really tell us how to heal. Yours have been insightful to help myself understand what's happening within me so I can finally overcome my self blame and shame.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I hear you, many of us can relate and many of us have also been there. Thank you for sharing your experience and for sharing my work has been helpful for you. Please take the KZread link and post it elsewhere such as other social media sites. It really helps me spread the word about these topics. Thanks for your help and I appreciate the feedback.

I was born into this world with this style. I remember being so young and longing to just be near my cousins or brothers or favorite aunt in times I was alone. Because I felt ok or whole near them and just couldn’t understand being apart. My favorite aunt moved far away and would send me gifts or surprise visit town and I fantasized a lot about this happening again because it was always a surprise to me.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I see this video sparked reflection for you. Thank you for sharing your story. I know many of us can relate with it.

perfectly describes my experiences when a relationship ends. Exactly. Thanks for the visceral explanation

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for the comment. Glad this video speaks to you.

Thank you Alan. Your videos have changed my life of love addiction and helped me develop a true sense of self. I have now progressed to use my past unrequited love obsessions to discover the characteristics which I find attractive. After developing a strong sense of self, I'm not controlled by it anymore. It did involve a lot of painful grieving, trauma release and a good therapist.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the comment. Thank you for sharing work has been beneficial for you. Glad to hear you are learning more about yourself.

Have more often felt i can't live in this relationship yet can't survive without it, leaving the only option i can see not to survive.

When i listen any video of you, i feel i am mirrored. You describe every subtle point of attachment trauma and it helps me a lot.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for sharing my work speaks to you. Glad it brings benefit.

That activation feels like an open wound being stabbed over and over. It's really painful especially because other people do not understand.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I hear you. There are many people who can relate.

Thank you...this explains alot. I went through many of these things just before, during and after my divorce. Very helpful, thank you 🙂🙏

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Glad to hear this resonates for you. Thank you for letting me know it's helpful and for valuing my effort.

Alan - you’re amazing at explaining these epic complicated situations. Not to mention your sense for of humor is fabulous. The kind of human I would love to meet and hang out with! Bless you Sur.

Alan I really appreciate your decision to not get bogged down in diagnostic labels - you talk about this kind of orientation with such compassion and understanding- more colleagues in your field would benefit from this more meta and integrated viewpoint. It’s so great to have you and your unique humanizing perspective back… truth hurts before it heals sometimes… Thanks Alan 😊💗

What an amazing educator you are! You just get it. And we can feel your sincere empathy for people struggling with attachement injuries. Thank you 🙏🏻

Mr. Robarge, I have not come across anyone who describes trauma, triggers and exact details of behaviors that play out from our woundedness. Your videos are articulate and so beneficial! So grateful more videos are popping up! They really are so well done and invaluable. You are excellent at what you do. Thank you.

I’ve only watched a few of your videos but each time it’s like you are speaking to me and my self image. It is hard. Thank you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

I'm so glad to hear you connect so much with the videos and I've gotten that feedback before about how sometimes this stuff is just too much to process. I might say to myself I am just not in the mood today to do healing work lol. Good to remind ourselves about moderation. It can also be easier to explore these topics with others who can relate with us and understand what we're going through like in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. When others mirror what we need to hear, it is so affirming. Thank you for the comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Alan, I love your content--it's been helpful to me for years. I'm curious if you'd ever consider speaking on the topic of relationship anxiety and relationship OCD. I know there's an overlapping audience for those interested in attachment styles, and I'd really love to hear your opinion on these matters because I'm sure (based on your other work) it'd offer a lot of nuance and balance to the space. Just a thought! Thanks for your work!

No one has ever been able to explain this!! Excellent video. I'm going through it right now and this helps clarify things. I was torturing myself by not contacting him (he is no contact with me right now). I sent a text asking for an answer and now I feel better. it takes away the "nonexistent" feeling that is so powerfully taking over me right now. I might not like the end result of what my husband might have to say back as I think he is with another woman. At least I can get this over with.

You are brilliant. You explain things I'm feeling like no other. Ty I don't feel insane an alone! My mom died when I was 8 my dad was an alcoholic an 2 older brothers had no support. I have abandonment issues. Thankful I found you today🙏💞

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story and I'm glad the videos are helpful. So many of us can relate with the abandonment. It's comforting to know that others can relate. I'm wondering if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other. Thanks again for the comment.

28.48 *...Knowing that its OK to want connection* this bought me alot of relief today. Thank you Alan for validating me, and for the lists to help my self-referencing 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Wonderful insight Alan.. thanks a ton for doing this. ❤

Really appreciate the care you take to explain these processes

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.

Thank you for this carefull handling of these difficult topics.

Thank you for helping and I like the lists at the end . I liked your ending

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you.

Thank you, Alan! I appreciate you!!!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you.

Thank you. This was very helpful, journaling the prompts as I speak!

Alan, your videos speak to the soul

Thank you so so much for explaining this looping desperate feeling that comes in waves. Your contributions are deeply appreciated. ❤

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I like that visual of waves to describe this feeling. Thank you for valuing my effort to offer explanation and glad my work has brought you benefit. I know when we mentioned about the looping in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you're not familiar with the Community, take the quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Thanks so much Alan 🙏🏾💙

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

You're welcome. Glad you like this video. Please share this video on other social sites. It really helps me spread the word about these topics. Thanks for your help.

So slay. Thank you for the video. Your work really helps me look at myself and my behaviors with honesty and compassion. I’d join the membership group if I had the resources!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you and thank you for valuing my effort.

This was brilliant.

Your content is superb!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 ай бұрын

I appreciate the kind words. You may also like to check out the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Thank you so much for offering a tip on self soothing. It is great to not only know the why but also the now what to do! I am so grateful for your video's!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for sharing the videos are helpful for you and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.

Alan, you are a genius❤

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for the kind words.

When I listen to your video, it sobers me up so fast! 🙏🏾

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

Glad to hear that. I've been told my videos can have that effect. Thank you for the feedback. So many of us benefit from talking about this and it is affirming when others can relate. If you haven't heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships, you may like joining us. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

This reminds me that this is a universal experience. That there is a commonality that makes it feel less insular and more about human experience, as painful as it is. I particularly loved the exercises at the end Alan. Added to my repertoire of on going healing. I’m doing all the things to support Alan, thank you so much for your time and generous sharing of your wisdom

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for the meaningful comment and for your continued support.

Thanks!

Thank you, Alan, for all you do for trauma injured people out there. Thank you for making see that nothing was wrong with me. I have cPTSD and did not know it. You are a savior!! You save me from myself

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the comment. Glad this video connected for you. Thank you for valuing my effort.

Fantastic and also gut wrenching information. You seem to really understand the addiction. Ugh.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for valuing my effort and glad it brings benefit. Please share this video by posting the link on social sites. It really helps me spread the word about these topics. Thanks for your help.

This was very helpful. Thank you!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Glad to hear my work is helpful for you.

Looking healthy Alan!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

Thank you.

I got cheated on multiple times while in a long distance relationship. She told me that she had feelings for him and doesn’t know why she did what she did, but it is so agonizing trying to feel my emotions without her. I feel so dependent on her presence for happiness even though she caused me so much pain. I now have to see her everyday as we work the same job and it is agonizing.

@darlenefletcher2691

3 ай бұрын

Someone said if you had a venomous snake an it bites you would you still want the snake. 🙏

I feel a sense of relief when a relationship ends... and I've been single for 15 years. I've been there though. I've felt this way before in another life.

You are changing my life ❤

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 ай бұрын

I'm so glad to hear the videos are helpful.

Thanks for the video alot of people can benefit from it Now on the Hoolidays

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for the comment and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.

I feel like I’m ok and then all of a sudden it’s like my arms twisted behind my back. I desperately want to grow my sense of self and self esteem. I see my whole life through the lense of rejection and never being good enough

Hi Alan, thank you for creating and sharing another insightful piece of content addressing love addiction. Could it be argued that post-separation abuse represents a maladaptive coping mechanism stemming from love addiction?

Thank you,.merci!!!!!!!!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

You're welcome! Glad you like this video. You may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

I like what you said about having a mirror, I can see how it relates to orienting yourself. Otherwise we might become uncivilized

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Glad this video speaks to you.

On point!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thank you.

AR - i like the new backdrop and black shirt. That should be your 'look' ; kind of like how identify huberman always wears the same clothes :-) info - 100+ , gracias

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thanks.

Damn this is so me. 😢

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I hear you, many of us can relate.

Yes, and how to move beyond this and attract my person ❓

It happened to me today

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

I hear you.

If you experienced this _ your parents did this to you when your a toddler

@janejones4215

6 ай бұрын

Definitely 💯 %

@lorieamazing8465

6 ай бұрын

It's too late to blame them

How to heal this?

I would not say our entire existence depends on the other person, but at some point, isn’t that part of being a human being?If there’s no grief over a relationship, then what does that say about a relationship that really meant something?

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Hello. This trauma state of mind that gets activated and creates a feeling of coming undone with the inability to function is outside the range and realm of what we would call being human and grieving the end of a relationship. It is a trauma response and can easily be argued is unrelated to the grief, loss, and other person. The degree of intensity of this feeling is not linked to proving whether or not a relationship is/was important or not. Thanks for your comment.

@tinawizi2380

6 ай бұрын

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Sure. I’m grateful that you responded.

@jackthere

6 ай бұрын

@@AlanRobargeHealingTraumaspot on. I feel sad for myself and so many others, who falsely believe the key to contentment rests in the approval and love of another. I've known it for some time, but changing it is a depth of reflection, work, acceptance, and detachment which takes time, practice, and patience. Thanks for all you do, Alan

Promo*SM 💞

Sounds pretty hopeless.. “it will happen again”

Thanks!

Thanks!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for the kind donation. Glad the videos are helpful. I appreciate your support.

Thanks!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for the support.