When Relationships End: Loneliness, Heartbreak, and Attachment Trauma, Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist

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When Relationships End: Loneliness, Heartbreak, and Attachment Trauma, Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist

Пікірлер: 307

  • @almowriter
    @almowriter7 ай бұрын

    ALAN ROBARGE!!!! Back on KZread!!!! Love you man ♥️

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome back.

  • @sounddevi

    @sounddevi

    7 ай бұрын

    Yes! So happy to see you! These videos are still priceless and helpful reminders! Thanks 🙏🏾 Alan

  • @tangeem9254

    @tangeem9254

    2 ай бұрын

    Yes, you were missed!❤

  • @jeanetteannecchini1713

    @jeanetteannecchini1713

    Ай бұрын

    love your work and grateful you’re back ❤

  • @EmilyAdams_theAltaCreative
    @EmilyAdams_theAltaCreative7 ай бұрын

    I went from having the fear as a young woman to being almost 50 with a trail of disasters behind me. I don’t blame myself for the failure of the relationships. I never did anything worthy being abandoned over. I picked ppl who were never even with me in the first place.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Many of us can relate. I hear you.

  • @echol8087

    @echol8087

    6 ай бұрын

    I'm with you on this as well.

  • @zebrastripes3786

    @zebrastripes3786

    6 ай бұрын

    Same,52 & just got dumped

  • @tangeem9254

    @tangeem9254

    2 ай бұрын

  • @bianca4829

    @bianca4829

    2 ай бұрын

  • @BubbleFemme
    @BubbleFemme7 ай бұрын

    Came for the psychology, stayed for the spoken-word poetry

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thanks for the comment.

  • @margaretcole7482

    @margaretcole7482

    23 күн бұрын

    Me too. Your way to describe is so poetic and on point. There is constant nodding in me as I hear you!! Grateful of you, Alan!

  • @purplewitchtarotanddivinat5680
    @purplewitchtarotanddivinat56807 ай бұрын

    Alan!! I’m so happy to see you back. I discovered your videos a couple weeks ago and your words been like a lifeline carrying me through an extremely dark time. Thank you so much! You truly have a gift. Healing is as commodified as any other sector in today’s social media world, but your work is something special and different. Your voice reaches deeply into the soul. You’re beyond just a “therapist” or “coach”- You’re a true spiritual teacher and healer. Keep doing what you’re doing. The right people WILL hear you and find you

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the warm welcome back and the kind words. Thank you for sharing my work has been so helpful. Also thank you for the encouragement.

  • @re8837

    @re8837

    7 ай бұрын

    @@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma I subscribed a month ago just in case you came back!

  • @nnylasoR
    @nnylasoR7 ай бұрын

    A lack of value and emotional connection in marriage is so, so lonely. 😔😞💔

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I hear you.

  • @jrob6310
    @jrob63107 ай бұрын

    This is exactly what I deal with! You really can explain grief and loneliness !

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad this resonates. Thank you for valuing my effort to speak on grief and loneliness.

  • @kristinagradishar4824
    @kristinagradishar48247 ай бұрын

    Absolutely true. I’m much happier being limerant in relationship. Then I’m shocked when my partner is unhappy from the lack of connection. Bread crumbs. Its very sad, I’m grieving this fact..that many of my “loves” have been greatly built on fantasy. 😢 The shame that you’re describing, oh man. It’s visceral, it spreads throughout your body and I’m shocked it doesn’t kill you on the spot. It’s for me, accompanied by a shame that I ever let myself believe that I could be lovable. The rejection is irrefutable proof that I am not, and that he finally sees the “real” me and has rejected it.

  • @janelincolne

    @janelincolne

    7 ай бұрын

    Can totally totally relate to everything you have said here. Iv been exactly like this 😢

  • @Anouke79

    @Anouke79

    7 ай бұрын

    Yeah that shame is so awful :( for me, I feel it deep in the gut and in the heart. Like a black hole.

  • @kristinagradishar4824

    @kristinagradishar4824

    7 ай бұрын

    @@Anouke79 you would think that it’s dangerous for your health to walk around for months feeling that way…

  • @usmayadali

    @usmayadali

    7 ай бұрын

    I am going through a heartbreak on the other side of this. Paradoxically, it was this shame of my partner that brought an end to it all. With all my heart I wish to lift her shame and get rid of it, not for me, for her. But cannot deal with the wound it creates in me. As I told her, love and relationships are different. No amount of love I can give is going to fix it, if she is not able to receive it. I wish the best, and hope you walk through the shame and shine like you are supposed to shine.

  • @Anouke79

    @Anouke79

    7 ай бұрын

    And yet many of us go decades carrying this around inside. There's a reason why people turn to substance/unhealthy relationships, etc. Good thing is that we can heal, but it's hard work. @@kristinagradishar4824

  • @MrPinosauro
    @MrPinosauro7 ай бұрын

    We missed you, man. Happy to hear you here again, your words are precious. I wish the best for you.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind words and warm welcome.

  • @julie-anneoconnor8027
    @julie-anneoconnor80277 ай бұрын

    How did you know I needed this today Alan? Thank you for your rawness and vulnerability, love you Alan❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad this is helpful. Thank you for valuing my effort.

  • @kristinagradishar4824
    @kristinagradishar48247 ай бұрын

    The feeling for me, of grief/ loneliness/panic is like an achy itch and trembling nausea that is spread throughout my chest cavity and feels like it has a huge weight on it that hangs into my stomach, drawing my shoulders down..the corners of my mouth down..I literally cannot smile.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds painful.

  • @EarthSurfaceWalker
    @EarthSurfaceWalkerАй бұрын

    There is *nobody* who speaks to the concepts of attachment trauma, C-PTSD, Internal Family Systems, somatic awareness, and grief with such warmth, understanding, and humility like you do, Alan. Nobody. And it's all grounded in sound theory and direct experience. I wish everyone could learn from what you have to say.

  • @user-hn2ue4ve4o
    @user-hn2ue4ve4o7 ай бұрын

    Thank you. I have been devastated in grief for the past year and a half over my partner of 4.5 years leaving me. Devastated. I came across your videos about a week ago. Finally, what I have been through makes sense. I understand now, that ‘he’ isn’t that special, and that ‘he’ only felt special because of my attachment trauma. I finally see a path forward out of this pain, into healing and moving forward with my life. I am 47. I am sad that it has taken me this long to figure it out. But.. better late than never.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the meaningful comment and for sharing my videos helped you connect to some insight. You have great awareness. I know when this topic was mentioned in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you haven't heard about it take the relationship quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @alllscination
    @alllscination7 ай бұрын

    Thanks Alan, this is such great timing! I'm just going through such a heartbreak right now with a person whom I have loved for a long time but also have a tendency to build too much fantasy around. After more than five years of not seeing each other in person but being in written contact for the last 2 years, we have been reconnecting in person after his last relationship ended and his former partner moved out. I've been really lighting up again and falling in love again and then he tells me after a month of this that he and his ex still have a promise to each other that they will keep space for each other to possibly reconnect, when both of them have healed more of their trauma. And that because of this promise there is no chance for us to have a comitted relationship. It's literally the experience of not being chosen again. On repeat with him for a decade, but then reminding me of not being chosen as a child by my parents. Man this is just so hard to deal with. I'm really struggling right now with the out of body feeling and the free floating without ground. It's nice to be able to listen to you talk about this. With you I trust that you know what you are talking about because you felt your way through this and are really speaking from experience!

  • @kristinagradishar4824

    @kristinagradishar4824

    7 ай бұрын

    I’m so sorry. Really, I know this feeling and it’s torture. Huge hug. Not being chosen, by family or someone you’re in love with. Take care of yourself as you heal, practice empathy and love for that inner child and then don’t ever let her settle for less again. It’s so hard to feel like this during this time of year, esp.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Empathy to you. Many of us can relate with this gripping, painful heartbreak. Thank you for sharing this video was helpful. Wishing you self-gentleness.

  • @alllscination

    @alllscination

    7 ай бұрын

    @@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thank you. I'm working on it. Please keep sharing your insights! :)

  • @La_Kitty
    @La_Kitty7 ай бұрын

    I have missed you soooo much. When I saw that you posted this six hours ago my heart skipped a beat. Alan you have saved my life many times since I found you five years ago. ❤❤❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind words and warm welcome. Thank you for sharing my work has been so helpful for you.

  • @kimfrederick7710
    @kimfrederick77107 ай бұрын

    I absolutely love your videos. I can't get enough of your videos. You speak more on a personal level than on a therapist level. You are very helpful and are giving various possibilities of why things are happening. You're very thorough.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for letting me know my work has been helpful for you.

  • @holagirl
    @holagirl7 ай бұрын

    Thanks you're back, I recently found out I have that attachment trauma based on your videos. Im learning a lot on your videos and pursuing to grow more as an adult. Thanks a lot

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for sharing that you are learning and are finding the videos helpful. Thank you for valuing my work.

  • @Spoodlie
    @Spoodlie7 ай бұрын

    Glad to see you back, Alan

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @108u9
    @108u97 ай бұрын

    I think Alan does well here to capture the adjective description of the experience however it stands to reason that the suggestion that folks seeking to be “loved in their darkness” (to paraphrase Alan) is somehow incorrect, pathological or putting forth an unreasonable, destructive path should be open to reexamination. Essentially this is reinforcing a conditionality in interpersonal relating. That one is only lovable if another condition is met as prerequisite. That conditionality is often what breeds the history of Attachment injury or injuries in the first place. It is also reinforcing the shame in folks. That “I’m broken, I’m bad therefore people cannot nor shouldn’t love me”. Or that “I must be “healed” in order to be lovable to another”. No. It is only dark because folks are left profoundly alone and isolated in these places. Being joined in the dark, loved in the dark brings light and corrective experiences. This can be seen in the results of long term studies tracking the development and Attachment histories of a cohort over decades. That study subjects exhibited a shift in their Attachment after they were partnered with another who was able to meet them as they are. If we truly believe in Attachment, then we IMO need accept that “seeing” someone, “loving” someone, being a safe haven to someone need not, and arguably should not be tied to any preconditions. This is what Mr Rogers did so well in his work and why I think his work struck a chord and continues so till this day. He did not tell people (children in the case of his early TV work) that they needed to be anything in order to be loved, to be worthy of care. “It’s you I like” goes the song. When Alan asks rhetorically what sort of relationship would that be, it stems from an understandable persuasion. Perhaps even a reasonable persuasion. However it’s also a persuasion that will keep us stuck in perpetuating the same cycles. If ‘loneliness’ is a societal problem as declared by the US Surgeon General, then we must dismantle the structures that reinforce and perpetuate the conditions that foster and breed this destructive social disease

  • @theaaroneby
    @theaaroneby7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for everything you have given to us

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    You're welcome. Thank you for valuing my work.

  • @fionagault2882
    @fionagault28827 ай бұрын

    I'm so glad to see you back! You have helped me so much 🙏

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind welcome back. Thank you for sharing my work has been helpful for you.

  • @user-ui5md9hs3o
    @user-ui5md9hs3o7 ай бұрын

    The abandonment wound is an illusion…. Brilliant… instant healing at this realisation… thank you ❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad this content speaks to you. Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you.

  • @a.h.2667
    @a.h.26677 ай бұрын

    Nice to see you back on KZread, and you look great!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @scott6023
    @scott60237 ай бұрын

    I so happy you are back you have no clue how much your videos help me what a blessing

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for letting me know my work has been helpful for you. And thank you for the warm welcome back.

  • @snakedogman
    @snakedogman7 ай бұрын

    Alan, I love your empathy and your deep feeling and understanding of this subject matter that can be so painful and frustrating for many of us. Your voice is much appreciated!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind words. Many of us can relate with the painful frustration. Thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.

  • @wolfneckkk
    @wolfneckkk7 ай бұрын

    I have been watching Doctor Robarge videos since 2016. Being from another country, and a different culture. I have to express my deepest gratitude 🙏🙏 to you Dr Robarge. your videos, and CoDA meetings helped me during the most difficult times of my life . It was with your knowledge shown in your videos . That I finally was able to know myself and to have empathy and compassion for others. It is a struggle and a fight everyday to overcome all those childhood wounds, but i feel that I am in a better place now that i was back then. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind feedback. Thank you for sharing the videos have been helpful for you through the different times. Glad my work brings you benefit.

  • @nannyboo9832
    @nannyboo98327 ай бұрын

    ur videos got me through a really bad heartbreak a few months ago. so happy to see u back

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad to hear the videos have been helpful for you. Thank you for valuing my work.

  • @Big_Steve11
    @Big_Steve117 ай бұрын

    Missed you Alan

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @IgnatiusLow-nq9db
    @IgnatiusLow-nq9db4 ай бұрын

    So many experts online explain the concept clearly, but you are the first I've encountered to vocalise the feeling - how surreal it is, tunnel vision, muffled sounds, a crushing hollowness. Thank you for providing the catharsis that so many of us need

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    4 ай бұрын

    Glad you connected with the feeling part. It is so validating when others can relate with what we feel. I want to share this is what happens in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @Minkxox
    @Minkxox7 ай бұрын

    You speak from your heart. Thank you.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words.

  • @ceilhall8626
    @ceilhall86267 ай бұрын

    Omg, Alan, I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am that you have come back to KZread with a new video. Several months ago, I began listening to your videos and watched every one of them. I felt a loss when I got to the last one, because each one helped me cope with my attachment trauma so much and helped me move forward in my healing journey! Then yesterday I encountered one of the most profoundly triggering experiences I have had in ages - just when I was feeling really strong and happy, this cruel behavior from someone came out of the blue, and I was pulled way down, super fast by it into a zero-dark-forty feeling of abandonment, isolation, and distress. As I lay here in my bed this morning, trying to process it and bring myself back to a feeling of wholeness, I saw this video, which addresses precisely what happened yesterday. You are such a gift from God! Thank you so much!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    That sounded like it was painful, empathy to you. Glad the video connected some clarity for you. Thank you for the kind words and thank you for sharing how helpful the videos have been for you. Glad my work brings you benefit.

  • @deerlow1851
    @deerlow1851Ай бұрын

    We both were fearful avoidants, but I was MUCH more willing & able to communicate than her. She would completely shut down, bottle up resentment, refuse to communicate her needs and concerns, and randomly act cold and avoidant and distant and it made me anxious to the point where I was in such a low state of mind, holding on to the breadcrumbs, and then she dumped me. 3 years of love, promises, experiences, spiritual bonding, amazing memories, all gone because she couldn't bring herself to TALK

  • @DanielleFerreira-kt7ix
    @DanielleFerreira-kt7ix7 ай бұрын

    Oh, how I missed your long youtube videos. I don't even want to watch it because I don't want to "have watched it". I want to watch it, do you know what I mean? :))) I don't want to watch it because I want to watch it and once I have watched it, I'll have watched it and won't watch it anymore LOL!!! :D

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thanks for the comment and thanks for valuing my work.

  • @Anouke79
    @Anouke797 ай бұрын

    Man this was a great video Alan. The thing I love about your videos is that I learn SO much. I’ve been dealing with these issues and knowing that it was my own internalized projection of the relationship that I was grieving as opposed to what actually was is actually very healing. And of course this comes from those old childhood wounds where we internalized a concept of core unloveable-ness. I really loved your suggestion to view your experience as a compassionate observer. It’s really good because this is such an efficacious way to do the hard healing work. And as you said, feel less alone when you realize that this type of suffering is the human experience and we’re together in that aloneness. I just absolutely love how your heart and mind work :) thanks for this!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind words and thank you for letting me know the videos are helpful. Glad my work brings you benefit. I want to share since you love the content that you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. This is the kind of content we explore in our conversations in the community. Learn more by taking the relationship quiz www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @roxydina7615
    @roxydina76157 ай бұрын

    Like the others comments here, I was thrilled to see you back. Your past videos carried me through hard experiences in my life.❤️😘

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the warm welcome. Thank you for sharing the videos have been so helpful for you. Glad my work brings you benefit.

  • @silvermine2033
    @silvermine20337 ай бұрын

    You've helped me tremendously with your content. Thank you!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for sharing my work has been helpful to you.

  • @HeidiSchweichler
    @HeidiSchweichler7 ай бұрын

    So wonderful to have you back, so grateful for your life-saving work, thank you 🙏🏼❤🇨🇦

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome and thank you for the kind words.

  • @zoemeat73
    @zoemeat737 ай бұрын

    Missed you Alan!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @CanadianAndre
    @CanadianAndre7 ай бұрын

    Welcome back Sir. It’s been too long. ☺️

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you as always for your continued encouragement.

  • @chakralove4300
    @chakralove43007 ай бұрын

    Welcome back! You have been missed !!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @LaUwa-dt5lu
    @LaUwa-dt5lu3 ай бұрын

    It really makes sence, when you say "please love my wound" I understand this state of mind

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    3 ай бұрын

    Glad this video speaks to you.

  • @LaUwa-dt5lu

    @LaUwa-dt5lu

    3 ай бұрын

    @@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma yes, yes, thank you very much, greetings from Czechia 🇨🇿

  • @ChristHealsTheSick
    @ChristHealsTheSick7 ай бұрын

    Welcome back! 😄 SO HAPPY to see you posting again!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind welcome and thank you for valuing my work.

  • @LenkaSaratoga
    @LenkaSaratoga7 ай бұрын

    You are THE BEST! 💚👍 Writing comment right as I started liatening

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words.

  • @dreamn2590
    @dreamn25907 ай бұрын

    What a treat to get a new video! Thank you!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @AB-je2qw
    @AB-je2qw7 ай бұрын

    Alan, you are a mystic.❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thanks.

  • @shivadeva7113
    @shivadeva71137 ай бұрын

    So happy for your wisdom ✨️ ❤ so helpful to so many 😊 welcome back!!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad my work brings benefit. Thank you for the warm welcome and thank you for the kind words.

  • @SheyMirza
    @SheyMirza7 ай бұрын

    I checked your channel yesterday and was like oh where is Alan.. I was so happy to see a new video!! This wound heals and reopens, progress is so slow.. thank you for talking about your own experience, your descriptions and examples picture it to the details.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words. It is a wound we cannot talk enough about. Glad the video spoke to you and thank you for valuing my effort.

  • @Pathfinder11
    @Pathfinder115 ай бұрын

    I have spent so many years in therapy trying to have these kinds of conversations in my grief and loneliness and have never in my life had it validated like this. How do you thank someone for that kind of gift?

  • @kristilu1987
    @kristilu19877 ай бұрын

    Your content is really valuable and helpful!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the feedback. Glad it brings benefit.

  • @suzi9411
    @suzi94112 ай бұрын

    My nervous system calms down when I listen to you. Thank you.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    2 ай бұрын

    I'm glad to hear the videos are helpful for you. I appreciate you letting me know. I want to share you may also like to join us in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's really validating when others can relate. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @Ikr2025
    @Ikr20252 ай бұрын

    You describe the physical pain of lack of connection, rejection and loneliness so well. I have watched many of your videos due to my family of origin, mother and husband being unable to connect with me in any truly authentic way. Or most of my friends. I have come to the realisation that most people aren’t capable of deep emotional connection. Or if they are, they have no desire for it. They are more interested in the physical experiences of life. I think those of us who do want and enjoy more emotional connection are much fewer. We have to figure out how to meet our own emotional needs, or be lucky enough to find one or more other people who also value it. Knowing I am in the minority and reducing my expectations of significant people in my life is still very painful. But I’m hoping maybe the pain will reduce by changing my expectations of those people. And also deciding not being the ‘go to’ person they use to get their own more basic emotional needs from when they give little in return.

  • @kirripless

    @kirripless

    Ай бұрын

    I agree with you that there are not as many people out there who are wanting really deep connections or if they are they are too afraid or in denial due to their own traumas. Having said that, there are billions of people in the world. I am always searching fo new friends who can share with me in deeper intimacy. My suggestion to you is go out there and find some new friends. Test the waters and don't settle. They are out there!

  • @randiwin6034
    @randiwin60345 ай бұрын

    I’ve lived through this no other person has been able to describe what this is like for me, Alan, you are incredible at articulating this painful process. Thank you..

  • @lauragamble1966

    @lauragamble1966

    Ай бұрын

    I 1000% agree!

  • @lucaslouzada44
    @lucaslouzada447 ай бұрын

    Welcome back!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @Julia-ej4jz
    @Julia-ej4jz2 ай бұрын

    I don't rush new relationship, instead I am afraid of romantic relationships, reluctant, doubtful and disappointed.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    2 ай бұрын

    I hear you, many of us relate. You may want to check out the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @JaneEva
    @JaneEva7 ай бұрын

    I understand what you're saying about relationships with people. What about G-d? We are never alone when we have G-d.

  • @sounddevi
    @sounddevi7 ай бұрын

    So, we must be healed just enough to have the clarity and agency to discern these things. I’m so grateful 🥲 I finally can and I can so no to crumbs of relating! Thanks for all your help these past 5 years Alan! You really matter to these topics! Now there are so many speaking on this! It’s great! Yet! You’re my OG!! ❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words. Glad to hear my work has been helpful for you.

  • @dr.helgamiehlepag5888
    @dr.helgamiehlepag58887 ай бұрын

    You're back 🤩😍 Yay 🤗 Same, but different (solar plexus).

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Yes, thank you. Glad this video relates.

  • @dande_lion
    @dande_lion7 ай бұрын

    Welcome back 🙂

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @christinedriscoll6425
    @christinedriscoll64253 ай бұрын

    Incredibly powerful feeling through this, as I am in the exact place he is speaking of. It feels like my body is on fire. It's burning up the pain. I'm sitting and allowing it to pass through me. It's all I can do. Thank you, Alan, for knowing this. Such a gift you can give us.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    3 ай бұрын

    Thank you for sharing this video helped you allow the feelings to pass through you. Many of us are learning how to do that. I'm wondering if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other. You're invited. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

  • @silvermine2033
    @silvermine20337 ай бұрын

    An extra comment to help boost the KZread algorithm!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @tangeem9254
    @tangeem92542 ай бұрын

    Thank you Alan for saying that the how is not in steps, running away from our pain, or figuring out how to get rid of it bc it's so painful but being in the pain with our inner children and reparenting lovingly the intense absence, shame, grief, the deep sadness. The only way out is going through it. It has taken me decades to get it. Love how you come from your own journey. Feels truly authentic to me. And I appreciate that about you.❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    2 ай бұрын

    You're welcome and thank you for sharing your experience. Glad the videos are helpful.

  • @Kangaroo920
    @Kangaroo9207 ай бұрын

    Thanks

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    You're welcome and thank you.

  • @ginageorge5797
    @ginageorge57975 ай бұрын

    36.00 *....Shame is the ghost of the relationship we never had with those we love...* This really helped me today. Thank you so much 🙏🙏

  • @Daneiladams555
    @Daneiladams5557 ай бұрын

    He’s back!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Yes thanks.

  • @SPArtofNoise
    @SPArtofNoise7 ай бұрын

    I feel so grateful for what you are modelling here. I can consume heaps of content on these topics and try and wrap my head around these dynamics, but often without really taking the time and energy to be fully present to what I feel, and to feel compassion and love for the wounded aspects of my personality. In this video you offer insight, but you also do so speaking with alive love and presence for the suffering you have been through. When I first watched this two weeks ago it really helped me with my grieving process, accepting and accessing the despair I felt but was trying hard to dismiss and bypass through intellectualisation. Thank you for generously sharing your insights and felt experience.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for the meaningful comment and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings you benefit.

  • @twinkletoes800
    @twinkletoes8007 ай бұрын

    Excellent, so so helpful. ❤❤❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad to hear this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my effort.

  • @juliejanssen1792
    @juliejanssen17927 ай бұрын

    Yay!! So happy to see you back Alan!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    I appreciate the warm welcome back.

  • @usmayadali
    @usmayadali7 ай бұрын

    Good to have you back! You are great help, I discovered to be able to "drop into the body and pain" with you.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome and thank you for sharing my work has been helpful for you.

  • @chucalissa9231
    @chucalissa92317 ай бұрын

    Giving a 👍🏽does not ! Cost Anything ! Why don't people watching see what this man is saying about love yourself thru the pain ....His message to me is a transparent bandage .that know one can See " But Me .💜

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort.

  • @tater4379
    @tater43796 ай бұрын

    Ever so grateful for your passionate, heartfelt approach to this very real "condition" of suffering. It's simply wild how the pain morphs and persistently haunts a soul. Please keep sharing your insights and teachings - they resonate and assist hugely. 🙏❤🤘🤙🙏

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    6 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words and meaningful comment.

  • @pistachio85
    @pistachio855 ай бұрын

    Thank you for such an in depth exploration of heartbreak and grief, and for being vulnerable to share your personal experience of these. As someone who struggles to tune into my body, your illumination and connection of the somatic experience with the emotional one was very helpful. Thanks again.

  • @jrob6310
    @jrob63107 ай бұрын

    Blessings to you Allen.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thanks.

  • @apelger8360
    @apelger83605 ай бұрын

    So glad you're back! Thank you.

  • @amyw4216
    @amyw42167 ай бұрын

    Thank you, Alan Robarge.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    You're welcome.

  • @robustbabe
    @robustbabe5 ай бұрын

    So happy you're back!

  • @saracowherd3539
    @saracowherd35397 ай бұрын

    Lookin fabulous Alan !!

  • @pinklotus4449
    @pinklotus44495 ай бұрын

    This is me particularly when online dating. I can tell you have lived experience and I feel your pain. This makes you stand out beautifully. You did amazing talking and informing this. Thank you and I hope you practiced much self care afterwards 🙏

  • @sounddevi
    @sounddevi7 ай бұрын

    Yay! Happy to see you doing a new video on this! I remember your old one! It was great too! I look forward to hearing this new one! ❤thanks Alan!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind comment.

  • @leahboynton1280
    @leahboynton12807 ай бұрын

    Your words always help me understand myself better ❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you.

  • @moondrop3013
    @moondrop30137 ай бұрын

    Resonates so deeply.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    6 ай бұрын

    Glad to hear that.

  • @peggys7056
    @peggys70567 ай бұрын

    good to see/hear you again ty much

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome.

  • @CupNoodleKitty
    @CupNoodleKitty7 ай бұрын

    Omg You’re back ❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Yes thank you.

  • @unfineartist
    @unfineartist5 ай бұрын

    Thanks!

  • @lenkiewiczlover7256
    @lenkiewiczlover72567 ай бұрын

    Great to see you back ! 👍😊❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @julin8597
    @julin85977 ай бұрын

    Welcome back. I have been waiting for more videos and learning and growing from The ones you already posted. There is so much to learn there. Thank you for all you are doing 🙏🏿💕

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome and thank you for valuing my work. Glad it brings you benefit.

  • @annier8095
    @annier80956 ай бұрын

    I received notification you posted a few videos and I'm here for it (followed you for years). Thank you for coming back and sharing your gifts :)

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    6 ай бұрын

    Thank you for continuing to follow and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.

  • @victoriamiller77
    @victoriamiller777 ай бұрын

    Thankyou so much for these videos, you are amazing and the way you describe the grieving process is spot on. You really are helping me so much! ❤

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind feedback and thank you for letting me know the videos are helpful. Glad my work brings you benefit.

  • @eshaanvisarkar
    @eshaanvisarkar7 ай бұрын

    yay you're back

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thanks.

  • @mariakuzina1242
    @mariakuzina12427 ай бұрын

    Welcome back!!!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @MIOLAZARUS
    @MIOLAZARUS5 ай бұрын

    This is profound stuff! Thank you for sharing and helping me heal.

  • @johnho9393
    @johnho93937 ай бұрын

    Welcome back Sir! I look forward to your videos.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome.

  • @Elemenohpea440
    @Elemenohpea4407 ай бұрын

    You’re back!!!!!!! I’m so happy

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the warm welcome.

  • @chilloften
    @chilloften7 ай бұрын

    So very interesting. Thank you for sharing tonight.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad this resonates.

  • @user-yk6dg4wc4p
    @user-yk6dg4wc4p5 ай бұрын

    Your videos made me to understand myself .Love you ❤

  • @MissLizzyRivera
    @MissLizzyRivera7 ай бұрын

    Thank you Alan! Welcome back 😊

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thanks for the warm welcome.

  • @coffeelover5780
    @coffeelover57807 ай бұрын

    So happy to have you back.

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Thank you.

  • @regiz5358
    @regiz53586 ай бұрын

    You look awesome!!!!!!!!!! Welcome back!!!!!!

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    6 ай бұрын

    Thank you for the kind words and warm welcome.

  • @stitchtherapy
    @stitchtherapy7 ай бұрын

    …. And thank you for speaking with such clarity to the ‘how’

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    Glad this video spoke to you. Thanks for the comment.

  • @agnes5863
    @agnes58635 ай бұрын

    THANK YOU ❤❤ I feel seen and understood when I watch your videos.

  • @truthseeker1105
    @truthseeker11057 ай бұрын

    Thank you so much. Incredible and sooo helpful. I felt like you spoke to me....about me. Thank you Wish you all the best for your future

  • @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    @AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

    7 ай бұрын

    You're welcome. Thank you for sharing this video is helpful and thank you for valuing my effort.

  • @abilancini
    @abilancini5 ай бұрын

    really profound, important work. so heavy but ultimately freeing. thank you for these videos !

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