I recently realised that the one thing holding me back from a real commited relationship was my intense fear of being annihilated by rejection again. And I realised that the only way through this was to stare the beast in the eye: the deep deep grief over not being seen, being dismissed, not mattering to another person. And I decided to not be a victim to that fear anymore, but to fully embrace the idea that I might end up alone. My mantra is 'I will not be annihilated'. I am ready to fall into the abyss again, but this time knowing that I am no longer in fear of death, but that who I am in this cosmos is so much more than another person's presence or absence, love or rejection. And for the first time in 15 years I am no longer afraid of allowing love, because I know when it ends I am ready and I will survive. Alan, your Videos have helped me immensely to understand the mechanics of attachment trauma. I have shared them and they have helped friends of mine in the throws of panic, and it helped them solidify their relationships into beautiful stories when their impuls had been to give in to fear and run away. Thank you so much for what you do, warm wishes from Berlin. 🌸

Mr Rowbarge. You have been on my mind recently. I do hope you are keeping well. You are such a special person and I wish the best for you. You have helped so many people. Thank you. 🤯🙏

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind words and for valuing my effort.

Holy shit, just what I needed I am sitting in the deep deep dark Trying not to use substances to soothe my heartbreak Nothing is working Nothing to hold on to Yet I'm not scared I'm willing to be broken now I've survived 50 years of torment I can keep going There is a light I will come out of this and to those that are suffering, I'm with you 🥰

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad this is helpful. I can empathize with being in this space. Deep energy here. Many of us realize we don't have skills in grieving. And why grieving our losses is an ongoing topic in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. You're welcome to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Nine years since I lost my son, still on that voyage. Meaningful poem for me, thank you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Empathy goes out to you. I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for your feedback. This poem is in part inspired from the many conversations of others experiences around loss and suffering. It can be helpful sharing space learning with others who are also learning. Grieving our losses is a recurring topic in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. You're welcome to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

@ariafraidaki2237

Жыл бұрын

😍😍

@krash6951

Жыл бұрын

Rest in peace. He’s in Gods hands now watching over.

@nickadams1519

Жыл бұрын

Sending Love ❤️...Tracy...Are you single? 😊

This beautiful Poem speaks for me 💚(Standing ovation) 👏👏👏

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for valuing my work. Glad this spoke to you. It can be inspiring learning with others who are also learning about healing. You might also like the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. Learn more by clicking the following link: www.alanrobarge.com/community

How do we heal? By connecting!! By connecting with people that show us love and acceptance and safety. We cannot do it alone we need others. connect connect connect!

For me, the poem represents the loss of the self I believed to be true but in reality was constructed by the traumas of my childhood chapter. It also represents the negative ( but self preserving) behaviors I implemented to try and obtain love and the ever persistent shame I have carried because love was violated by the person who should have loved me unconditionally…my mother. Bravo! I shared this with my CPTSD recovery group. We are currently working on soul murder and shame.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the meaningful comment and for sharing your reflections. Glad this poem spoke to you. Thank you for valuing my effort. If you connect with this video then you may also like taking part in the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thank you Alan for articulating so beautifully where I’m at today! On fire 🔥 indeed! 🌺🙏🏾🌺

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind words. Glad this poem spoke to you.

Thank you Alan, for years of your insightful and helpful content!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Glad my work brings you benefit. If you haven't already heard about it, you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Wow!! So poetic and driven and inspiring

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad my work speaks to you.

Just beautiful ❤

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you.

i am sobbing. why am i sobbing? something here poked at my soul & my most vulnerable parts at the same time.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate you letting me know this was so moving for you. Thanks for the comment. I'm often inspired from the deep insights and conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community

I love the poem as it really depicts the facets of complex emotion that one goes through when sitting in the dark night of the soul. If only it was just a night though as it's much more of a journey. My concern is that the poem doesn't end on a positive note to give some hope. It's why most people avoid proper healing - the fear that they will plunge into a sea of depression and never come out when in actual fact, you are overcome with peace, fearlessness, apathy towards ego and compassion for all around you. Thank you for sharing.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the feedback. And thanks for valuing my work. I'm reminded of how important it is to practice feeling feelings. This is something we talk about in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Grieving skills is a recurring topic. We talk about moving through the grief as opposed to getting stuck in it. If you would like to learn more about the Community, click on the following link: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Such a great poem to listen to and to hear what your self says.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind words and thank you for valuing my work.

Wow! Absolutely hit me like a train. It was like listening to an echo of my innermost thoughts. 💜

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Appreciate the comment. Glad this deeply resonates. Thanks for valuing my efforts. Emotional health and using creativity as an outlet are regular topics of conversation in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. Learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/community

😢❤❤❤

Dr. Robarge, You read this as though you wrote it. It was palpable. The old 'like it or not ' feeling spoke to me. I don't know if I 'got it'. But facing the deep, surrendering, takes more courage than I have. Hats off to you. 🙌

This poem is a true and beating heart.❤

i had to listen to that twice, wow... i think of my own story.. i see it melting, and i leave myself asking what next... have i reached my awakening? if yes why more questions, do they ever end? i feel as though i find an answer and a question is right on its tail... does anyone feel this way?

This is so beautiful.

Wow. Thank you Alan

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad you like this one. You're welcome. Heartbreak is something we talk about in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. The depth. You're welcome to join us. Learn more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Omg love this! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. It's inspired from personal healing as well as witnessing others experiences. If you haven't already heard about it, you might also like being part of the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. To learn more click on the following link: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Perfect x

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thanks.

❤🙏

I heard this at such a powerful time, it touched me very deeply, thank you Alan 🙏🏼💞✨🌌

Wow this is so moving at its deepest

Beautiful 🥰🥰🥰🥰

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks.

So beautiful. Thank you. ❤️🙏

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

Thank you so much 🙏

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Glad you like this one. We talk about how creativity through poetry or art can help us move through difficult feelings in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏾

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Glad this spoke to you.

Thank you for this video. Thank you for this channel that has changed my life. ❤️✨

Thank you for this. So very beautiful.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

Great contemplative piece thank you. I have found sitting quiet is some of the most enjoyable moments of life

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the feedback. And thanks for the comment. "Sitting with" comes up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Many of us are exploring that space with ourselves. If you'd like to join us, learn more about the Community here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thank you

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Glad this video spoke to you.

Really good!!

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 bravo!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

10 ай бұрын

Thanks.

This is so beautiful and so amazing.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for valuing my work. It is derived from a synthesis of my contemplative process and getting to know the many experiences of others. We come together in conversations on topics like loneliness in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you would like to learn more click here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

This poem touch places,long forgotten and buried deep in our psyche.Thank you for sharing it with the world..

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for letting me know it was deeply moving for you. I appreciate the kind words. It is from exploring the deep and buried that inspired the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. The goal is to bring in awareness. If you'd like to learn more, take the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

Beautiful

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you.

Amazing!! Thanks!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I often get inspired from our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community

Very moving! Lovely and truthful. 😀

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the kind words. There are often inspiring insights in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I find it is through the depth and richness shared that ideas synthesize in powerfully moving ways. You are welcome to join us. Learn more about the Community here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thank you for your content! Could you do a video on how to move on and heal when you lost an amazing partner because you had grass is greener syndrom/pushed them away until it was to late and are filled with grief and regret?

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Empathy to you. I hear you. This is so relatable. There are many folks going through and asking similar questions. I'm reminded of how endings have a way to pull it all out of us. And why it's important to remember we need gentleness on ourselves. Wishing you self-compassion. These are the kind of topics that come up in conversation in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

I can't anymore Alan. It was hard to even watch the video. I just can't... I'm tired... I want no more of this ... Why can't I just call it off? I'm in too deep. Only screaming... I'm too tired...

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you and can empathize with what you shared. I'm reminded of how important it is to learn about resting and how it's a great healing tool. When we're on fire with grief it can be helpful learning with others who are also learning how to move through the grief. You may be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

This was amazing to listen to.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for commenting. I can't take all the credit. I'm often inspired by the insights that come out of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Art is healing 🙏

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad you like this one. Sometimes we share and reflect on poetry as it relates with our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you'd like to learn more click here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

💥💥💥💥BARZZZZZ UR SO GOOD ALAN🎉

Dark and Light is our birthright. We are on an integratration journey back into balance and wholeness. Thank you Alan--so moving.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the lovely comment. Glad this is moving for you. If you like this content, I am often inspired by the deep, rich and insightful conversations we have in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. Learn more about the Community here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

@nickadams1519

Жыл бұрын

Sending Love ❤️...Katherine...Are you single? ❤️😊

Wow this was tremendous. Thank u alan😭😭😭💕

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

thank you!

Beautiful video I mean stunning It's very Zen In my opinion. A wise man once said if I could choose between pain and suffering and nothing I would choose pain and suffering. But it takes guts To be gentle and I recommend That one Should choose to be rejected every now and then... Then recover, feel the feelings of hurt and sadness. And " MOST IMPORTANTLY LOVE YOURSELF". And if you want to talk about developing courage. Go up to a stranger and talk to them kindly and tell them that you could not stop thinking about them they were in your dreams ect. Anything to make you feel Vulnerable to that person. Nine times out if ten they will reject your weird ass but then you can feel the longing and suffering and then you can give yourself a pat on the back for showing your real self to people. And having gone through it will make you more strong and loving for the next person. In sales your rejected All the time It all depends on how much skill that you possess In convincing others.Becoming vulnerable With just the slight of hint human dignity is the best form Of reciprocity. It instantaneously connecting.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the deeply meaningful comment. Glad this video spoke to you. We can never talk enough about creating meaningful connections.

Wow 😥

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad this spoke to you.

I do not know how to sit in the deep deep dark… But I have sat there nonetheless. And I am not far from the deep deep dark and when envelops me I’m right back in the nightmare

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the comment. I can empathize with that experience. Many of us are in a similar place right now. Grieving skills is a recurring topic in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. If you'd like to learn more click on the following link: www.alanrobarge.com/community

thanks

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

you're welcome

What is celebration of suffering I mean if anybody could take suffering and wrap it up like a beautiful glittering cake a Yum Yum you certainly achieved it and I agree our pain is our pleasure our suffering is the doorway to our happiness there one in the same the more we lean into the suffering the more intense our pleasure odd but true…. So many people want to feel passion want to feel pleasure but they don’t realize to feel the pleasure they must embrace the longing the hunger the pain the suffering and then the ecstasy has magnified 10,000 times…. So many people run away from their troubles they are challenges their disappointments but they don’t realize those are like the hang gliders of freedom every artist is tortured that’s why they make great art… it came out of there bleeding heart and that speaks to other people because being a human being is a very intense thing… got it that way on purpose or it would just be boring…. Thank you so much for this beautiful poem and also the visuals that go so well with it… Love and light from the desert 🌵🙏🖼❤️‍🔥🌈🌵🎉🪺🦋💔🪰😩🆓🥕😆🥲🤣

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

thank you for your reflections. Glad the poem spoke to you.

💗🙏

Ho! I feel that.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad this resonates.

Hey Alan! What is it called when you or someone tries to protect themselves from getting hurt again? I feel like i have this defense mechanism where I always assume the worse like people are gonna reject me or humiliate me or whatever and it always turns out to be the opposite. There very happy and have good intentions and accept me but im always on my feet worrying. And its like i put up this wall like i try inflate myself or appear bigger almost like a image of perfection so im good enough. Can you help me with this? Thank u

You are missed ! Make some videos and come back plz ❤️

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for the kind message. And thanks for valuing my work. I want to share, if you aren't already aware of it, we talk about and reflect on new videos weekly in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

Beautiful and contemplative poem… I think I would enjoy hearing it more than this version, with no soundtrack; the music is a bit intense and loud for my liking. Do I need my nervous system to be agitated and jarred to receive these words or to be inspired by them? No, I do not.

In your improve your relationship community program, do you have live meeting? Is there any way to interact with you and other participants?

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your question and interest. We interact in real time within the forum or platform around weekly topics. Members can also create original posts to start conversations.

I really need help from someone like you regarding my ability to let go of things that no longer serve me but the thought of separating from someone who I thought would always be there is making me sick it has turned my world upside down I need a way to understand why I'm like this but I can't afford to join your community

shared grief…

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

yes... glad this spoke to you. we explore how creativity helps us move through grief in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Damn, Alan!! You're an amazing poet, too?! This is a very moving piece. Well done. Thank you for sharing it with us and for organizing a visual presentation of it as well. You are an amazing person for all you do to help us in these areas re: relating and healing.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate the kind words and feedback. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad it is helpful. I can't take all the credit. I am often inspired by the deep insights that come out of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you want to learn about the Community click here: www.alanrobarge.com/community

@ayeshagallion3661

Жыл бұрын

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Dear Alan -- I was part of the community during the pandemic and it really helped a lot!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

@@ayeshagallion3661 I thought I recognized your name. Oh so good to hear. Glad the community was helpful. You are welcome to return if/when it's a good time. Good luck to you.

I need someone to help me. I need to be fixed. I will be ok then i hope.

🌑

omfg.

"MENSURE"

can you speak about reverse abandonment in the parentified scapegoat child especially the gay child and how they will deny their sexuality to be a more suiting image for those they care for

I long for home.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I hear you.

@noturbo

Жыл бұрын

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thanks

There's no exact science - that's everyone's answer to how to heal.

🙄 𝐩𝓻Ỗ𝓂Ø𝓈Ｍ

That didn't make a whole lot of sense but pretty poetically

I had to give this a thumbs down as poetry is a poor vehicle for education unless you are teaching poetry.

@fab4wild

2 жыл бұрын

@David Witcher I’m sad for you. But it’s not too late, I hope one day you will grasp something from it meaningful to you.

Beautiful

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thanks. Glad it spoke to you.

Beautiful

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@nickadams1519

Жыл бұрын

Sending Love ❤️...Linda...Are you single? ❤️😊

Beautiful

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks.