Your parents were traumatized as kids themselves, and have abused you too. I congratulate you on surviving their abuse and neglect, and encourage you to focus on your education.

@miguelcorona6897

4 жыл бұрын

Thank You

@Sh0n0

3 жыл бұрын

@@miguelcorona6897 your welcome

@CarlosGarcia-ij4yg

3 жыл бұрын

Rest in peace

@nomebear

3 жыл бұрын

My father was maliciously abused by his father. I was beaten by my dad every other day as a child, and on the days I wasn't beaten I was treated as if I had done something wrong (that may be an exaggeration but it seemed like it). As an adult I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy and for 34 years attend AA meetings everyday. There is a part of me that is broken and can't be fixed, the scars are deep, but I've found happiness, love, and trust by using my support groups and meditation. A large percentage of people in recovery have PTSD. We are survivors.

@sialataoufik7959

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you !

9:40 "The kids are not the problem, the parents are." Finally, someone who actually gets it, instead of just throwing meds at the child.

@michelleorourke3657

8 жыл бұрын

+Black Balled amen

@AngelVocal

7 жыл бұрын

Rosencrantz Yes.

@blackballed6910

7 жыл бұрын

@ Rosencrantz Yes, it can be. Not everyone who adopts a child does it to actually love and raise a child. Just look at all the foster kids getting readopted into more messed up homes. I've heard the "I did the best I could line" before by parents who enabled the abuse. No clearly they didn't do the best they could because they sat there and let the child get abused while turning a blind eye. Every case is different., doing the best you could means you actually did something about it. Actions matter, not words.

@si3rra777

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah...

@NastheVictorious

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I agree.

What really stinks is that you dont know you were traumatized untill you realize theres a problem with yourself.

@constantlyfabulous

4 жыл бұрын

Then when u realize it, IT FUCKS U UP MORE

@bumberClart1000

4 жыл бұрын

Constance Fowler then you begin to rebuild your life and fight on with love in your heart 🇬🇧😉

@tasmico1

3 жыл бұрын

Wow! Wonderfully stated

@mzleelee1983

3 жыл бұрын

Bingo

@stephenskayla2079

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, forty years old started having health problems and was bedridden for a year. Severe muscle pain with no physical injury.

An even bigger part of childhood trauma than a father who hits you when you do wrong, is a cold, unloving mother who isn't there emotionally to heal you mental wounds/troubles, and worst of all, invalidates your feelings all the time and treats you insensitively.

@Walklikeaduck111

4 жыл бұрын

Thats exactly what my mother was like. I thought it was normal when i was growng up...but i dreamed of a kind loving mother. Mine hated to even touch me or cuddle me sinxe i could remember. Maybe she did do that as a baby but i dont hace a single memory of her cuddling me.

@truthmerchant1

4 жыл бұрын

@@Walklikeaduck111 Same here. I regarded her as a robot.

@cingocia2760

3 жыл бұрын

And I was adopted?

@terabyte6166

3 жыл бұрын

I had the same….sad thing….it continues even after childhood.

@livewell_79

2 жыл бұрын

I had a mother like this, and my father was a violent alcoholic.i started experimenting with Marijuana , solvents ,psilocybin and alcohol in 1988,at the age of 9.As a child i witnessed 3 attempted suicides in my family ,amongst the other forms of abuse..of which,there was alot.As a 42 yr old man with PTSD, I struggle to hold down work,I cant seem to maintain interpersonal relationships, and addiction is still present.i understand change for people like me can be painfully long and slow. im currently getting the help I need.🙏🏼✌🏻🖤

What a wonderful therapist. He’s like an angel on here, still helping people even though he’s passed on. I’m grateful that his channel is still with us.

@A-0ne

Жыл бұрын

i was wondering if he was still around. may he rih🙏🏾🕯

Finally! Let's talk about the elephant in the room. 90% of people have no good sense about good parenting. This is because the parents of your parents knew nothing either...so poor parenting skills just get passed down generation after generation. We MUST get parenting skills taught in schools. THIS IS NOT BRAIN SURGERY.

@julieom1833

5 жыл бұрын

Bella Krinkle what about natural instincts though? I actively parented my baby, she was breastfed on demand and i bedshared with her- but i was dragged up. These folk dont have these natural instincts to even care for their own- they have soul

@julieom1833

5 жыл бұрын

sur name agreed- i read and try to self improve myself

@firstnamelastname2111

4 жыл бұрын

Bella, this is why, most time, its critical for grandparents to get involved. They have the experience at least and, if they're smart people, they at least can recognize where a lot of their shortfalls were as they were raising their own kids, and can critique their own kids when they see them doing the same thing with the grandkids. Edit: omg, i just realized now why the mass media always pushes the 'evil motherinlaw' angle! Mothers always more emotional and loving when compared to males. Its to further accelerate destryction of society.

@edgarlick3200

4 жыл бұрын

Seriously in schools? You're a moron and probably a libtard, I'm so amazed at the lengths people who care nothing about the well-being of children will go to in order to give the appearance of caring. You are sick people who are willing to sacrifice the children of the future for your goal. The irony is that you don't even know that you're not only killing this country, but you're destroying yourselves in the process.

@nataliaturner4845

4 жыл бұрын

@@firstnamelastname2111 In general I agree with not pushing negative stereotypes, but in my case it happens to be true. She's an overt narcissist, and her scapegoated daughter is a covert one. The father was largely absent from their lives (broken marriage/estranged). I married the golden child with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. His ENTIRE WORLD has revolved around his mother's approval & happiness. He was dismissive of their toxic negativity towards me, and incessant campaign to tear me down psychologically and even try to have our son taken from us. He is in deep denial of his destructive neglect towards me & our son. I never understood the psychology of this family until a year ago, and that was 15 years after we met; that's 15 years of damage to me & my son that I'm afraid can never be undone/corrected. I didn't have a perfect upbringing either, and walked into that relationship with my own weaknesses & issues that I'm now working through as best I can, but my son and I would have been so much better off if I had simply gone back to my family when I became pregnant and just raised him alone. When you live within the sphere of influence of a malignant narcissist, you will suffer, and so will everyone who relies on you - your kids, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, EVERYONE. They are black holes of pure selfishness. They function like a cancer in society.

The overarching problem is child abandonment, neglect, and (general) abuse, which is epidemic.

My parents argued and fought almost continuously when I was a child. It finally culminated when they both ended up shot early one morning, which resulted in my dad dying a couple months before my 21st birthday. I've never been comfortable having a real relationship with anyone, and prefer to keep to myself the majority of the time. I'm 47 now, and I have begun to realize that most of my problems probably stem from childhood. Thanks for the effort you have put into making these videos Pete.

@oliviacadena2036

6 жыл бұрын

D35611 I do really feel for you d35!!!! What an awful thing to have gone through for you!!!! GBU!! Don't give up! 😥😥☺☺☺⚘

@IzzyB516

6 жыл бұрын

I do pretend to bond and can't it's because I want to I forget so much.

@donnaleonestart3317

4 жыл бұрын

I know that this was written years ago but I can relate to this as a child growing up with parents who fought violently and as a spouse of a severely mentally ill husband who was like a gentle lamb before marriage......should have left before children were born. What damage has been done!!!

@quantumfineartsandfossils2152

2 жыл бұрын

@@donnaleonestart3317 +1

@quantumfineartsandfossils2152

2 жыл бұрын

+1

It s beautiful that you give away all this; so many wounded people cannot afford therapy. Very commendable on your part; thank you.on behalf of everyone you have helped and continue to help. :)

@gercacn

10 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Anna :-)

@clasijuls1

8 жыл бұрын

I agree .Thank you much Dr

@bettyducker6523

7 жыл бұрын

Yes, thank you kind sir!

@tamarajessup1398

5 жыл бұрын

@@FarzanaHaq1He was literally recording this from his deathbed and has passed away, or I'm sure he'd reply. What a marvelous soul.

@constantlyfabulous

4 жыл бұрын

This is true! Now I know why I'm the way I am so I won't keep letting the cycle affect my children.

Alone, not heard, sometimes very hungry, scared, not having lunch money. But most importantly not being hugged. Hurts to remember.

@cliffkonkle3467

3 жыл бұрын

Big hard hugs I send you friend

@rainsara2795

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry girl, it really sucks I know. ❤❤ Hugs

I just discovered Pete's channel yesterday. Even in 2022, he's still impacting people of all ages from all around the world. I'm a twenty-something-year-old southeast asian kid. I've consumed a lot of resources on childhood trauma, but Pete's work is special to me. I think his age, experience, and insight imbue his work with a rare and much-needed quality.

Someone should archive his videos and carry on his legacy.

Rest In Peace, Pete. Just found out your channel today, and i am devastated to know that you are already rested at peace. Thank you for everything!

@ChannelMath

Жыл бұрын

is that why he seems to be in a hospital room?

@1DarkBlossom

5 ай бұрын

@@ChannelMathit’s a nursing home. He was in a wheelchair. That’s what he said in another video. Rip Dr Gerlach

I think a lot of those who got "psychologically traumatized" (scapegoated) was not accidental. Perhaps by the ignorant enabler parent but he malignant narcissist parent knew what they were doing was wrong, otherwise they would not have pretended to be a different person around outsiders. So very evil. These people (I use that term very loosely) are the reason the entire world suffers on so many different levels.

@mariamalhotra8228

5 жыл бұрын

Omg so well said. My mother's a malignant narcissist.

@GirishVenkatachalam

5 жыл бұрын

True

@GirishVenkatachalam

5 жыл бұрын

@@mariamalhotra8228 mine too

@terabyte6166

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss, very well said…I was the Scapegoat. The narcissist knew exactly what she was doing and recruited others through triangulation and lies to be on her side and to bully and malign me. The work of Stephen Porges and Stanley Rosenberg saved my life. I used the exercises and released my trapped trauma. Grateful for their work.

I could bawl my eyes out. Spot on with every point.I am 53 and I'm only finding out what has been happening to me since I was young. I dissociate when stressed to the limits. I attract people that bully me as well as narcissists. My mum was a damaged child and projection was her fav form of abuse. I will got o your site.

@tamarab6259

4 жыл бұрын

We're about the same age & your story sounds very similar to mine! I started to realize just how physically & emotionally I was abused by my mother, who is also a Narc & a step father, who was mainly physically abusive & my mother watched it go on for years! I swear that jerk actually tried to kill me when I was abt 4yrs old, by pushing me off a boat while I was screaming, No, No, & begging him not to, because I was cold, the next thing I remember, I'm waking up on the deck of the boat, spitting water out of my lungs, I don't know how long I was out? Then the very same day, he kicked me down the stairs of the cabin w/ his knees, because I wasn't going fast enough for him, I guess? I fell flat on my face, 3 steps down & he tells everyone that I just fell! I was only 4, but I remember that 1 incident, believe me, there we're plenty more, like it was yesterday! I think back now & wonder, why nobody took me to the hospital, to be checked out, after I almost drown? Maybe they were afraid of getting caught, for child abuse, & this man was a police officer when they got married, so, they're not all good people! I was in my middle 20's when I became aware, of just how bad my childhood & the abuse was, I think I just tried to block it out, but when I had my own children, I really knew she was off, because I couldn't imagine treating my kids, the way she did me, & I swore they'd never grow up, the way I did! My mother did divorce that jerk & remarried a wonderful man, when I was 15, who was one of the 1st men who showed me, what a normal loving parent was like! I don't know how he endures her, most days? I guess if he makes it through the day, til 5:30-6pm, he knows she'll be nicer, since that's when she usually starts drinking & begins to act all nice, after screaming all day, abt everything! Ironically, she's treated my kids, both girls, just the opposite of me! The 1st one mostly, my 2nd, she really didn't want much to do with, until she got older, but my 1st daughter was the golden child, that her, & my now step dad, never had. I know exactly how you feel, with the stress, I still get that way, most of the time I'm around her, which isn't too often now! I've had enough verbal abuse to last a lifetime, I think the final straw ws abt 15yrs ago, while she ws in one of her moods, started in on me abt something trivial & just kept on & on, til I couldn't take anymore & I let her have it, for the 1st time ever, & she told me I was dead to her that day, as she left. We didn't speak for mo's, & only because of the holidays did I agree to see her, but she's never apologized or taken accountability for her actions that day, because of course, she's always right! The only reason we have any contact, is because of my kids & my step father now, who has got to be an angel, to put up w/ her, most days! I hope things get better for you, I know how lonely it can be, esp. if you push the people you love away!

@ruetube

4 жыл бұрын

Ellie Davison you described me to a t

@Domdeone1

4 жыл бұрын

Me too, at 52. It is interesting the link of the effects of early trauma & some people say with Adhd-which was diagnosed with ten years ago. R. A. D. I believe?

@ChannelMath

Жыл бұрын

@@tamarab6259 my god!

@trappart9209

Жыл бұрын

​@@tamarab6259thank you for sharing, I am glad you are doing good nowadays

A physically abusive father and an emotionally neglectful mother gave my younger sister social anxiety and border line personality as an adult woman. They, my parents, suck!

My parents were there for the most part when I was little. As I got older, it’s like my parents bought my love and never wanted to spend much time with getting to know me, and if I disagreed with anything my parents told me, or made a mistake, tell my side of the story, they allways seemed to discount what I said or how I felt. While I am very appreciative of my parents meeting my needs, I can’t move on from certain things that were said and done, I tell myself it wasn’t abuse. But at this point... I’m not really sure anymore. What can we consider abuse? Pulling hair? A punch in the head? Belting? Being told it’s over and done with but your still upset and want to straightened your feelings out? Over-spoiling? Making you feel like your the only one who made a mistake that your always at fault. And on the other hand you had bullies at school who treated you like garbage, picked on you til you snapped, even the kids in town, throwing rocks at me pouring motor oil on my hair, mocking me for my weight that was caused my medication, spitting in my hair, ditching me. It was a messy time for me during my childhood and it haunts me well into adulthood, sadly nobody wants to hear about the bad days, tell you to move on and build a happy life for yourself. Truth is it’s harder than you think, and I wish people would stop discounting feelings. How you feel about something is just as important as how you think about something.

@trappart9209

Жыл бұрын

I understood abuse as neglect, devaluation and dismissing someone

I remember having a happy childhood, always had friends etc... However at 22 I had a complete breakdown and developed panic attacks and depression. 25 years later I still struggle immensely. Looking back now I understand. My birth mom died a year after i was born. I went to live with my aunt who is very loving. At 3 yrs old I went to live with my alcoholic, emotionally traumatized father and his new wife. My father is a very dark, distant, judgemental and intimidating person. My step mom, kinda hysterical and never shut up. I remember always being a loner. I just stayed in my room as much as i could and entertained myself in order to avoid them. I must've developed my unhealthy defences at a very young age, and they served me well until I was an adult. 10 years ago my divorce hit me so hard that I was intensely suicidal for about 5 years. I'm 47 now and I can't stand to be around people unless I'm drinking. I don't visit friends or family and feel guilty all the time. I think I'm developing psoriasis from repressed emotions.

@capgains

2 жыл бұрын

How are you now?

@flowerofthesoul6160

Жыл бұрын

I hope you're ok wherever you are.

@marshfilm

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your concern... I have gotten much better (I think). I'm finding balance in a sea of volatile emotions.

@trappart9209

Жыл бұрын

​@@marshfilmI am happy to hear that you are doing better. Consider finding yourself a good therapist

Dr Gerlach, I was emotionally abused. They are still alive and are unrelentingly hurtful. A great Dr wrote "People of the Lie". They are the living embodiment of this book. My soul feels like a rat is chewing at it. I look forward to watching the rest of your generous videos. Thank you for your compassion and generosity of time.

@terabyte6166

3 жыл бұрын

So sorry for your pain…I hope you have trudged forward. You are not alone. Thank you for mentioning these books. I will read them. 👼🏻🙏🏻💕

@SheOpines

3 жыл бұрын

The author is M Scott Peck. People of the Lie a most excellent book about good and evil.

I feel my parents let me down as a kid. I don't blame them totally. Parents separated when I was 5. My mom has her own battles with depression. My family is so screwed up. Fixing one issues lets to another problem. They didn't know what I needed... I'm 31 now and just about now about to try to fix whatever is wrong.

@treemarie3080

7 жыл бұрын

I'm in the exact same boat...

@gmod8033

7 жыл бұрын

Same here

You are a wonderful human being. Anna nails it, many of us traumatized people cant afford therapy. You are bridging and healing all around the world with these great and in spiring videos - from the bottom of my healing heart - thank you very much for sharing and caring!

@gercacn

10 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your acknowledgement

Well, I think most of us have been through abandonment at least. In some places, parents can't afford the luxury of having one of them stay at home. They simply need to work to sustain. It's sad, but it's real. I always had to hang out with neighbors while my parents were working late almost every day. They didn't really had a lot of time for me, but I don't blame them as they never neglected me and tried to make the best with as little as they had. It kind of creeps on me even now as an adult, as I get overly attached to my friends and I feel "abandoned" or even "replaced", in some worse cases, every time more than a week passes without meeting a least a couple of them. It doesn't affect my professional life, but it kinda creeps on me socially. This combined with the fact that I'm not that extroverted makes expanding my social circles quite a challenge. Sometimes I feel lonely in a room full of people even if I know more than half of them. This apathy just sets in and sometimes it even ruins my mood for the rest of the day.

I love you man. Thank you so much sir. Whoever, you are. God lead me here. I'm certain of it.

@elderlypoodle9181

6 жыл бұрын

Leo Williams Oh honey !!! You are not alone and God does put us in the path we need. xo

@tamarajessup1398

5 жыл бұрын

Pete is with God now, being blessed for having helped so many. Look at these videos; he's in a hospital room! HE WAS DYING AS HE RECORDED THEM, but was determined to get the word out! Rest in peace, Pete; may we meet someday.

@Domdeone1

4 жыл бұрын

A non-profit maker too. This guy is like a healer or Saint, jst passing on the knowledge he acquired. So could have scrolled down on you tube. Hope his site SSGHELP is still up & running?

@jeannemcl6302

10 ай бұрын

Pete's website is still up and running @@Domdeone1

100% on point...I didn’t know I was severely abused until my 30s. When I had a child of my own my intuition told me I had to do whatever it took to get my child as far away from my parents as possible so he wouldn’t be forced to live a life that I had to. It was hard coming to this realization then immediately being thrown into court hearings with the help of my local abuse center seeking justice against my abusers.

Just have read he's passed away, this video was so helpful. Thank you doctor, may your spirit be well wherever you are.

wow... i have all three types of childhood trauma, no wonder life has been so difficult. However listening to your videos have helped alot, and i thank people like you because this is a very serious issue. I hope i am one of those people that break the cycle!

@gercacn

9 жыл бұрын

You can heal and break the cycle! Work patiently at online lesson 1 sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

You are a noble man!

You nailed it. I am unable to identify 2 of the wounds in me; but I really identify with the last wound: I'm unable to create, feel, or sense any kind of bonding. One day I misunderstood a conversation my father was having with my brother, and I thought they said my mother had died. I did not feel anything. It was just another day. If any one of my family died, or anyone I know, it would be just another day. The more I know about these wounds the less I want to keep pretending. I am angry/hurt.

I see you posted this in 2011. Inshallah, you are still well and active. I suffered extreme abuse and molestation in my childhood and in my 67th year, I can say that I am healed of much. Just now I am searching for resources on forgotten memories that suddenly surface again. I have recently experienced this but do not feel traumatized by the new memories.

@khadijagwen

9 жыл бұрын

+duckymagic57 you know nothing.

@QtvNOW

8 жыл бұрын

+Khadijah Brown Salam U alaikoom ramatulah wabarakatu Have you started the lessons on the website?

@QtvNOW

8 жыл бұрын

+duckymagic57 is first wife Khadijah was actually I think it was 10 to 15 years older than he was. After her death he married his bride who was a child at the time. First, this was a common practice in those days regardless of religion. Marriages were sometimes arranged before children were even born. Many times it was for political reasons or protection or something of that nature. Like I said that was common in those days. Times have changed, people don't look to join families together or use marriage for the same reasons as they did in those days. I could be wrong but I think even here in the US, it was not that long ago when marrying at age 14 and having 12 children was not uncommon. But anyway, I understand your question and wanted to shed some perspective on it.

@QtvNOW

7 жыл бұрын

.

no. I KNEW my childhood was not fine. Emotional neglect and abandonment. I couldnt name them till now but I KNEW it wasn't fine.

I have Complex PTSD from an entire childhood of abuse. The guy in this video, however well-meaning, is missing the mark and minimizing abuse. As long as abuse is minimized and invalidated it will continue to be painful and fester in its victim. Trauma is trauma whether you were neglected, abandonded, beaten, sexually abused, psychologically abused - it is all abuse. It all eats away at the core of one's sense of self. Everyone heals in their own way, at their own pace, and in their own time. I find that for me it takes a lot of self awareness and learning who I really am. I've been to years of therapy, but where I've done a lot of my healing/processing (making realizations about the lies that I learned about myself as a child through the abuse and what the actual truth is) is through writing, reading and research, and a website and FB support page called Emerging from Broken. So many people are in so much pain. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish the people that hurt us were the one's that had to heal us, but that's not the way it works. if we want it, we have to go get it. That pissed me off for the longest time and still does from time to time, but being happy to me, whether they do it or I do it is more important to me. And, hey, why should I trust them to do it? They're the ones that screwed it up in the first place! Best to all of you and I hope you all find happiness!

@BonRain8734

8 жыл бұрын

I absolutely disagree with this comment. Pete Gerlach made it his life's mission to bring attention to childhood trauma. That's hardly "minimizing" it, as you claim. You don't have to watch his videos or do his lessons, but please don't "minimize" this man's good work that he generously left for all who value it.

@michellebertholf5304

7 жыл бұрын

And, that's okay. We all heal in our own way at our own pace. What he shared was a version that I feel may work for a while for some. Should that be the case, there are more answers. This is not the end-all-be-all. The part that I feel is "watered down" is that traumatizing children is an accident. It may be for some, but for many, it is not. I am exhausted by the falsehood that all parents "did the best the could". Example: At age 7, I told my mother the next door neighbor (best friend's dad) was molesting me. She did not report it. She did not get me psychological or medical attention. She didn't ask me how I felt. She made arrangements for me not to go over there if my friend's mommy wasn't home. Then 1 week later, without telling me, made arrangements for me to spend the night. That night, I woke up seconds before he penetrated me from the side causing him to leave the bed his daughter and I were in. I was able to run home in the dead of night. Shaking, I lay in my mother's bed at 3 a.m. Again, she did nothing! That was not the best anyone could do - EVER! She let a man beat, not spank, me for 5 years from the age of 4 -9, naked from the waist down until I couldn't sit and school was calling. Sometimes the beatings would last 30 minutes at a time! Punishment for something I didn't do even after I gave them the real criminal. They still beat me, even harder. She did nothing. I'll be 45 tomorrow and it wasn't until last year when I proved to my mother that a 2011 letter from the real thief was authentic that she FINALLY admitted she was wrong and even THEN, she couldn't say wrong. It was, I'm sorry I didn't choose to believe you earlier." When I bring her so much evidence that even Ray Charles can see it and would say she's a cruel-hearted bitch, it's no longer a choice or an accident. She was and still is an abusive, narcissistic monster! Because of these things, yes, I had wounds raising my children. I purposed not to hurt them like my parents hurt me. I have found though that I and their father sent our children the same false messages (love must be earned, respect is not mutual, etc.) that our parents taught us. We just didn't do it with the same overt abuses like child molestation and beating. We did it in many other ways. Too many (paradoxical due to divorce) to describe, but some covered in the video with surrogacy. My ex-husband practiced parental alienation with me as the target parent and also used our son as a co-parent for our daughter fracturing their relationship, too. My son suffers GREATLY. There has been question of Asperger's, but I'm not sure. My daughter has a different set of issues, but she also was not completely converted in the parental alienation like my son was. She sees her truth of the whole thing and I honor that. I think the bottom line is that the parents who do it on accident can be identified as parents who are willing to take responsibility for their own action without minimizing it, blame-shifting, or excuses. My mother likes to blame me: We put you there (unlicensed unaccredited place with solitary confinement, no contact with the outside world, girls made to eat their own vomit, and a girl killed 18 days after they left me) because we thought you wouldn't stay alive or get a diploma. This wasn't about an eating disorder either. It is not my fault that she left me with people who tortured people. It is not my fault she didn't do her job to make sure I wasn't abused causing me to act out in the first place. It wasn't my fault that she lied about her reasons for putting me there: stay alive (girl dead on day 18 and I'm left there shows great concern - no friends at home have died) and diploma (no call to Dept. of Ed. re: accreditation - you just guaranteed I won't get one Gee - THANKS!). And a parent that does it on accident wants to heal themselves and help heal their children to the extent that they can. parents that didn't do it on accident either won't say they want to help, or if they say they want to help, there is only one way: THEIR WAY! My mother's is JESUS, JESUS, JESUS! We eat Jesus. Breathe Jesus. Sleep Jesus. Mop the floors Jesus. Grocery shop Jesus. Pray Holy Spirit Isthe bull Shala Lala Ding Dong BE HEALED - OBTW, it doesn't matter if you forgive me or okay, Kid, because Jesus forgives me and I'm okay. The reason you're not is still YOUR fault. The narcissistic, on purpose, abusive parent takes ZERO responsibility for the abuse to their offspring and continues the cycle by recycling it onto them over and over. That is the watered down.

@peculiargirl3223

6 жыл бұрын

Jaisk

@oliviacadena2036

6 жыл бұрын

I read what you wrote here and I feel for you Michelle. Think I know how you feel, I was abused badly ,too, and suffer STILL to this day and hour. I do think you're on the right track in your thinking, basically. I don't think Peter meant really to be minimizing, he just was speaking like in general "terms " . He did have compassion for others, sorry you don't feel it much. Do you watch many of his videos??? I think he was terminally ill when he made some of these. He's passed on now. I hope you get what I mean here. I and I bet others wish you well!!!!! 😊😊🤗🤗⚘⚘

I've done an excellent job of making myself feel really bad listening to your lecture. Abused as a child, abusive as an adult. Oh crap...............

Excellent video Dr. Gerlach! I am now in my 50's but I was sexually molested in my early teens by a "family friend." Strangely, this man became a surrogate father in that my father was "emotionally unavailable," thus the sexual abuse went on for years. I didn't even realize how traumatized I was until engaged out of college. My ex-fiance (who offered to send me to rehab as a "sex addict" once she learned I was a womanizer) led to my catharsis in finally talking about it, and crying nonstop.

I have been through all 3 aspects of abuse. I knew early on that it wasn't normal, I had to endure my childhood until I could het out.I have sought help and not defined by it anymore. It's not always easy but little little I have changed my perception and replaced the lies with the truth about who I am, what happened and tools to rebuilt and at some point build my true identity. My life has been a roller coaster. But it's ok now Im not out of control anymore.

@SM-lt8yr

6 жыл бұрын

Rose Mary that's a sign about the strength/love in your soul, so BEGIN the new life from now, instead of wasting any precious time in dwelling/pointing to the past.

@rosarybead

6 жыл бұрын

Rose Mary good for you dear

I feel like one of the most hardest experiences personally for me with trauma, Is convincing yourself that everything is fine and you aren't traumatised. My mum gaslight me (and still does) that i imagine all of this stuff and its not trauma it could be way worse. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD by a doctor and i still don't believe my childhood was that bad and i think it could have been worse. Its an absolute mental torrent of pain because you decided Oh its not that bad! and then you feel immense guilt for crying and feeling bad about the way you were treated. you just go round and round in your head and i physically feel sick and i just cant escape it because i don't know if was abused and i don't think i will ever really know i was.

Well I am stuck with "wounded" parents and what really bothers me (only child) is them expecting me to take care of them now that they are old. I had enough trouble raising my own kids and always holding back (not passing on). But I most definitely do NOT feel up to THIS task :(

Hmm. My grandma is a bona fide narcissist, my mom tried the best she could. I forgive her, because I know how hard it is to deal with these things. I know, and knew by age ~14, that the worst years of my life were in elementary school. It was hell. Not abuse or excessive bullying or anything like that, but just the fact that no one was ever there to understand what I was going through. I'm an avid believer of Dabrowski's theory of positive disintegration, and hope to transform my internal suffering into compassion and understanding. Cheers everyone and good luck.

It just goes to show: what a HUGE responsibility it is to be a parent. It’s something not to be taken lightly. Unfortunately we are all cursed humans and every single person has some kind of baggage. We all know there isn’t any perfect parent ; except of course our HEAVENLY FATHER. it makes one realise just how important it is to treat our children in the best way that we possibly can. We are entirely responsible for guiding our kids in the right direction and kids need plenty of cuddles and kisses, that helps one to become a stable adult. Also being a parent means we need to be unselfish as our kids needs come first, something I only learnt in my older age.

Great job communicating this all important information in a very short time!

I'm so sad to hear he is no longer here . Well, many thanks to whoever is posting his videos👍

Thank you very much. I am glad I am still in my 20s and hit rock bottom, because it helps me discover that I was traumatized in many ways (by my parents, but also teachers, boyfriends etc.). Childhood trauma sets a directional path for more trauma, and now that I know I can come out of it and become my real self and prevent further damage.

I've experienced all 6 signs of trauma. I think it might've been my dad. I started feeling this way when he took custody of me away from my mom and was always yelling at me about homework, future, work, weight, sports, chores, loyalty to him, and that if I ever leave him he will die making me stay. All he ever wanted from me was to control me! Make me into his image! He also brags about things to his friends, and tries to take credit for my achievements! I thank you so much for helping me see!

THank you so much for these videos. You explain in such a simple and comprehensive way. This helps so much.

Hope you post more, clearly ALOT of golden information left to share with the world.

This is a wonderful video, thought-provoking and helpful to truly understand oneself. I am looking forward to learning more about your lectures. Thank you.

I found this accidentally and things have started to make sense of thoughts I already knew I existed but was unsure why and how they flowed into each other. My mother used to use the phrase "break the cycle" when referring to her very traumatic childhood which is all been confirmed as true and in fact worse than we thought. I didn't realize quite how much of this is happening in my family due to abusive grandparents . This has flowed down the generations and into other areas of the family that were not socially connected or even linked or interacting apart from the same predecessors whom are now experiencing the same problems due to "wounds " there unaware of, including myself. Its a huge web of people its affecting in just my family in the UK. Generation after generation of the same issues relived and causing a problem to people only linked by paternal/maternal group by a very traumatised group of children who have gone on to produce more generations and more wounds. Even when a secondary wound passed on from the initial I refer to , then diluted by another parent in the next generation with none , less or different wounds the outcomes are so similar its astonishing for the bloodline ! italso seems to differ according to gender in my family and the males are significantly more traumatised or have more/worse problems along with a mental health issue that seems to follow the male bloodline very closely.I would love to know the epidemiological data for your website findings as I'm doing a piece on data and my wellness for my university course.you have made a lot of things seem to make more sense and sit in some sort of order in my head.thank youMichelle O`Rourke

Thank you Mr. Gerlach for your contribution to the education of people like myself who you are talking about that helps to create the awareness necessary to take some action to heal these wounds. It is something I've been dealing with my whole life. The low self esteem, lack of boundaries, relationships, goals and setting boundaries among many other things. I survived my childhood and then just kept surviving my life. I identify with the lost child role because that is how I feel all the time like a lost child.

Thank you so much for dedicating your time to this.

Excellently presented, Rest in Peace, you've done a wonderful service.

excellent description of childhood trauma. Thank you

Thank you for your explanation! I have recognized myself in this type of traumatized children!

@gercacn

8 жыл бұрын

This is NOT Pete Gerlach replying to you, but a friend of his. Pete passed away October 22, 2015. He certainly was one of the best. He started a Facebook page called Break the Cycle where people who are working on this healing process gather to support and encourage one another. You may find it helpful as well. It is a closed group, so you will need to request to join, but everything posted there is kept private on that site. To read about Pete and to find out the physical odds he was up against and yet still kept his mission clear to the very last week of his life, see www.stepfamilies.info/Peter-Gerlach.php

@noku_nz

2 жыл бұрын

He was a great man! May he continue to rest in eternal peace

It’s good to hear this 😞 man it hurts dealing with being emotionally unavailable.

I had a horrible, awful childhood. But, I am more curious about what happened to me as a baby. When I was 4 and 5, I used to wake up from what I now know as night terrors. I would have real tears on my face from crying in my sleep (that always baffled me) and I would be shaking and very afraid of everyone and somewhat relieved that the dream wasn't true. I had one recurring dream/night terror dream, I would dream myself as a baby sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, wondering where everyone was and why I was alone. People would walk by, and they wouldn't acknowledge me, my mom or no other known faces were around me. That dream scared me so much idk why. I used to also dream that my dad found a new daughter and didn't know me anymore. Then I would dream that my mom killed me in my sleep. I know the horrible things that happened to me after 5 years old (hopefully I remember it all) but I really want to know what happened to me from when I was born to 4-5. I guess I'll never know. I still cower if someone raises their voice and it's fairly embarrassing. Anyway, not sure why I typed this. Thanks for these videos. Rip doll

The trauma ends with me because I never had children That's about the only positive thing in my life.

@lilac624

10 ай бұрын

We have overpopulation now so that's a good move

This is a great man! Thank you very much for these videos! RIP Dr. G

R.i.p 🙏🏼 thanks for making all these videos

I have underestimated my own level of trauma even though I’ve been in recovery 15 years ago for sexual abuse. This is troubling but not surprising. I’m an older adult and no wonder I’m still having problems in life. I try to connect with other adults but I start backing out as soon as I see that I feel I’ve given too much truth to them. Im totally avoidant and it is not good.

Amazing. This video is such an accurate and succint description of parentified children and what Alice Miller describes in her book "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware. Thank your so much!

I like your vibes :) life's getting so good being sober it's helped me ten fold omg definantly a wise respectable man worth watching thanks for your input.

@gercacn

8 жыл бұрын

This is NOT Pete Gerlach replying to you, but a friend of his. Pete passed away October 22, 2015. He certainly was one of the best. He started a Facebook page called Break the Cycle where people who are working on this healing process gather to support and encourage one another. You may find it helpful as well. It is a closed group, so you will need to request to join, but everything posted there is kept private on that site. To read about Pete and to find out the physical odds he was up against and yet still kept his mission clear to the very last week of his life, see www.stepfamilies.info/Peter-Gerlach.php

Thank you. RIP. You left a valuable legacy.

Thanks for your in making such useful videos or everyone who is seeking to reconcile their past.

Wow. Thank you so much for this. We need it.

Very happy I stumbled on your videos. A very sincere thank you.

Many thanks for your affirmation. Spreading these ideas has become my life's mission. I hope your research has brought you serenity and productivity.If you think these ideas are worthy, please alert others to them

Great knowledge Peat. I wish you good luck and all the best for you and your loved ones. Best Regards from Poland . Stay in touch.

Very insightful, Thank you for the video

people should have to pass some kind of physiological assessment before there able to bread. I am stuck living with the consequences of growing up with a narcissist and an agoraphobic enabler because of there parents and so on and so on

@Muhdreza1

2 жыл бұрын

💯. It's crazy how there is no parents licence when mental cases are on the rise mostly from ignorant parenting

Thank You Pete, for these wonderful videos that have helped me understand all my symptoms blame guilt they have really helped once again thank you so much good luck.

thank you so much wherever you are

One of my earliest memories, 4 years old at most cuz my sister wasnt around yet, was my dad "kicking" me in the stomach and laughing over me while i struggled with getting the wind knocked out of me. I remember I was chasing him through the room and we were playing and he stuck his leg out around the corner for me to run right into his foot. For every good memory of my father I have 2 or 3 of him hurting me or my family. The worst ones will still break me down into tears as a grown man if I have to tell the stories. More than once, before I was grown enough to do anything about it, I thought he would kill us. Not to say that he ever beat me super severely, he didnt. He did hit us, but it was the coldness with which he it that was most frightening. He died before I was old enough to truly tell him what hed done to me. My struggle was never with identifying the abuse. Its always been coming to terms with it. How much can I blame my failures on that? Im a grown man now- even if I am dysfunctional, I cant afford to stop pretending like im not.

This is a great service you have here sir, informing the public about emotional/mental/ ect issues. I am currently taking classes in College and have an essay due Wed about Reactive Attachment Disorder. This really helped. Thanks :)

my dad was sexuallly abused by his uncle when he was a kid as i was told by my aunts. he punched me in the face when i was little and tried choking my mom... is that trauma? i remember my dad would work all the time and would never really talk to me. i felt as tho he was a stranger. my mom had to tell him to say hi to me.

@AbbyEmbro

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, that is trauma. Sending a virtual hug

Thank you Mr. Gerlach; you are a gift from GOD.

Thanks so much for sharing this stuff!

When I was 16, I opened up to my maths teacher in hopes of some advice, in hopes of an ounce of understanding from a person with an objective view on my situation. I was met with a very mean, cold response. As a result, I myself since there was never someone there to listen to me or understand, became a pretty big b*tch. I try to fight it, I am aware of that side of me, it usually comes out only with the people that have hurt me.

@jenniferhampton5171

3 жыл бұрын

I am sorry your teacher failed you. I hope you have found or will find trustworthy mentors and elders eventually. Have faith and don't give up.

I truly appreciate this information.thanks

Thank you very much for giving all this information for free.

What a great man... Thank you for everything

I have all 6 wounds. I would say I am a text book description from your studies. I, for many years thought I was a psychopath un till I found your web sit last week. You brought me some hope and I hope your site will help me to be able to love other living things, to feel loss and grief, I am a good, but my persona others see is fake. I want to want to be with others instead of crawling in to the TV, and yes I am a sex addict. I feel worry, gilt, self loathing, and a good day I feel nothing.

Once again thank you for this insight. It really helps.

That is really horrible how you and your sister were treated, omg! I'm just someone on the internet but I'm truly really sorry to hear that.

I was, and I'm passing it on down the chain. It makes me feel like total crap. I have NO self-esteem, NO self-worth, am haunted by guilt and shame. This causes me to have outbursts of anger that leave me bewildered, ashamed, and feeling out of control. I liked the part where you said we have to cover it up, and act like nothing is wrong, so it builds. Now, I am 50YO, going through menopause, and I am about to come unglued. I am the worst mother in the world! I don't love, or feel

Very helpful to me! Thank you very much Sir!

I've had depression and anxiety most of my life and when I was little I had really bad separation anxiety. I watched my mom be abused by my father and was often hit by both parents, sometimes for having panic attacks that were out of control. I don't feel like I was traumatized but I really don't know..Would that be considered trauma?

"Kids who have been traumatized don't know it. They see trauma as 'normal'. -- That's one of the most important statements made in this video. I was beaten and shamed daily by both of my parents. First of all, they made me feel like I deserved it. Second of all, I thought the environment I was in was 'normal'. It wasn't until I was about 10 or 11 years old that my friends started commenting on my injuries that I realized that my environment wasn't 'normal'. I'm 49 now and I'm still affected by the abuse. Things continue to trigger me and take me back 40+ years. I have a brother and sister that went through it with me. We all got married, but after we had all been married for a while, I realized that none of us ever produced children. I never had kids because I was afraid of screwing them up like my parents did to me. I never spoke with my brother or sister about it, but I suspect that is the reason they never had kids, as well. I finally found a therapist who has helped me tremendously. I still have a way to go, but I become a better person, husband and friend every day. The message here is that we really need to communicate to children what normal and abnormal environments are. We also need to give them the courage to tell another trusted adult about the situation they are in so that some kind of intervention can get them out of that environment and stop any further damage.

Wow!!! I am so looking forward to studying all your work..........I have just discovered your website..Break the cycle and in the first parts am already discovering answers to questions I have had for decades...........Bless you :)

@gercacn

10 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Mick - I encourage you to patiently study online "lesson 1" sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm .

My mother's father was an alcoholic and her mother is a narcissist, my mother grew up to be a narcissist aswell. I now have complex ptsd I was diagnosed in my early 20s I will never become a narcissist I feel far too much and empathise greatly with the world around me, so glad I broke the cycle for my son.

I was traumatized by a man when I was a child. I lived through many difficult years with that in my mind not being able to tell anyone. I told my dad 20 years later and my dad said if he was there that man would not have done anything to me. I had a great father.

SINCERE THANKS, GOD bless you and all positive souls on the planet!

I hate my parents for abusing me, they were jerks!

@chrisbattaglia1436

8 жыл бұрын

+Rebbeka Cynthia i dont like mine either but apparently theyre born again christians so theyre forgiven and i continue to struggle with ptsd. thats fine but anyone who hurts a child is a scumbag, plain and simple.

@homepcmacbook5996

8 жыл бұрын

+Chris Fulgham i feel you bro. my parents are born again too. but love to cuss and swear.

@homepcmacbook5996

8 жыл бұрын

+Chris Fulgham i feel you bro. my parents are born again too. but love to cuss and swear.

@StratMatt777

8 жыл бұрын

I think that religion is a form of pseudo self-esteem (Nathaniel Branden's term)- it is a way to feel "better than" other people who are not in your religion and also, in Christianity, gives miserable/unhappy people with low self-esteem the love/acceptance from a father figure, God, that they never got from their parents. As a former "Christian" I have always been confounded by the "Christians" who don't follow the teachings of Jesus to love, have compassion and not judge others. According to Jesus, many Christians are not Christians because they do not DO what Jesus commanded. It is quite strange.

@MalaMaca27

7 жыл бұрын

you are not alone..

Thank you, Sir. Thank you so much.

Also suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder and I dissociate instantly and frequently.

Thank you. I had initially a problem viewing this video. As a child I was sexually abused by my biological father for almost two decades allths the white my mother knew and never stopped it. She also used to physically and violently beat me; once even to the point at the ripe old age of 2.5 yrs old breaking my right femur. She continued well into my late teens. And subsequent to that she would insist on watching movies about incest. I clearly remember leaving her house clutching a razor blade with the eminent intention of ending myself. .I was told by my lawyer in 2004 that I must now learn to live in peace, my court case was over. I told her that I never knew peace..all I knew and (scary but true) all I knew was to live in warfare. My employer does not believe that I suffer from ptsd, OCD, aggro phobia, major depressive disorder, and arranged for my Ltd to be cancelled.

I experienced childhood trauma but i am the opposite of emotionless, i am practically a empath. With co-dependency at the highest level and i have a daughter whom i love with every fibre of my being. But i'm a broken person and unable to function in society because i'm crippled with anxiety and depression. But every time i meet her i am very intuitive to her emotions and emotionally responsive. Shes shown me real love and i love her unconditionally even tho i never got it from my parent i am still capable of loving her like i wanted to be loved. I have got to do alot of reading to completely grasp my inner being, but every now and then i feel like the information i'm getting gives me more closure. Sorry for the wall of text, i just didnt like the generalization that parents that withstood childhood trauma are destined to repeat the path. Thank you for your video

Thank you for this video , I am at that midlife part realizing that I didn't grow up normally

I realized I had a problem at 21 years of age because I couldn't remember some happy events that family members could, like I had blips in my past. I wanted to recall my childhood so I could remember these good times, so I bought a book on self-hypnosis and studied it to be both therapist and patient. It took about a year and a half to bring myself back to between 3 and 6 months of age. I had no idea how severely abusive my childhood had been. It was an amazing and healing experience.

@MelB868

6 жыл бұрын

Are you saying you remember when you were 3 months old?

Thank you for this.

Awsome stuff Dr. Gerlach. I have my work cut out for myself going through your material. Though I lead a 'normal' life... I am still dealing with the 'echoes' of my early days so to speak. I am confident your material will bring some lights and will help speed up the return to wholeness... that's the goal at least ;-)

@gercacn

10 жыл бұрын

Use online lesson 1 to heal: sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm. I cheer you on!

Thank you for replying to my comments!:-)

Yes indeed you explained this extremely well and thank you! Much Love to All! We are healing and it takes time and lots of self love awareness and time. Possible though to any that may wonder. I won't give up on us! Grateful for this song by Jason Mraz, it's helped us tremendously ♡ keep on shining ☆