As a therapist myself, I agree with every single thing she said 1000%. Therapy is a process, but it is time limited and directed toward validating feelings and also taking action, setting boundaries, and making appropriate changes to heal your trauma. Therapy should not last forever, and your therapist should have a treatment plan outlined when you start therapy, identifying a specific amount of sessions needed to accomplish your goals. Getting a qualified therapist who has been trained in trauma is essential. Don’t ever be afraid to ask someone about their qualifications before agreeing to see them.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing with us! -Cara@TeamFairy

@catsaresocute650

3 жыл бұрын

How can you set bounderies when you inherenty only accept therapy out of being at a point of needing it ans therefore any question feels in a sense to far? I notice that it is just so much worse after, but I also have no other option I think then to see through.

@catsaresocute650

3 жыл бұрын

Plus there's constantly a ethical violation in not being truthfull

@nicolecarnevale1071

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing with us Alison. Feeling stuck in therapy with no goal setting goal and no connection is worse, for me than not speaking to a professional at all.

@Khalfrank

2 жыл бұрын

If I had my way, I would make this profession illegal to practice. If you clowns really care about "validating" your clients you'd stop this "challenge the client" garbage and stop victim blaming the client when they speak about experiencing abuse from someone. Most of all, stop being motivated by greed and stupidity where the sessions keep on going. Just stop being evil.

I've been to a handful of therapist and I feel like I've learned more from you KZread therapist than any of these I've seen in person.

@Jane-mb8jj

3 жыл бұрын

This 100%

@talia8581

3 жыл бұрын

Hear hear

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Anna is really great. I'll happily put in a plug for the 'Daily Practice' course which is free. I've done this daily writing and meditation for over 12 years :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

@nikiepunt8631

3 жыл бұрын

Yes..

@Catbooks

2 жыл бұрын

I've seen about 10 therapists over the years and feel the same way. Two helped me through crises, a few were bad experiences, and none addressed or even identified the main problem. I've learned more in the past few weeks from the CCF and feel more forward progress, than in all those years.

I'm a therapist myself and can honestly say it's a worry of mine, that my clients will get stuck or deteriorate in the process. I believe a lot of the possibly harmful effects of therapy can be lessened by humility. Taking the clients' complaints and wishes seriously, admitting where you're lacking in skill and expertise. Like in any other area where you're providing a service.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I love what you're saying. Simple, honest, transparent. Thanks for all the work you do!

@AG-ej7wm

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you for your awesome channel! I greatly enjoy it and your observations about therapy, healing and the effects of trauma on relationships. It's so good to have different perspectives and inputs on this complex topic.

@dassijes5943

3 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate this comment. I had a mostly good experience with a therapist that broke down after a year because I felt she was overriding my feelings. It became quite upsetting. So I'm glad you mention humility 💚

@cdoublejj

2 жыл бұрын

if they say their method is usually to have the client lead, then how long should it before i expect them to offer advice? what they say they don't tend to offer as much of advice?

@sawdustadikt979

Жыл бұрын

God damn, it we need more people, in your position, speaking up about humility.

They don't listen. They have no life experience. They're in it for the money. They're in it for their ego.

@flytrapjohn

3 жыл бұрын

Cooee. Hope you are going ok.

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

@@flytrapjohn Hello TPM. 🙋Yeah - fair to middling if I'm honest about it atm. Since my cat died last year, after an already tragic year, it was like the straw that broke the camels back. I'm finding it abit hard to snap out of it. It's weird, it's not like me to stay down. Dunno what the key is to this one.

@flytrapjohn

3 жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 hiya. You are having a tough time, I'm sorry. Loosing a pet is difficult. Its surprising how attached we become to them.

@flytrapjohn

3 жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 you know where I am if you want to talk it through. The offer is always there.

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

@@flytrapjohn Thanks. Your kind words mean alot. I'm stuck in a greif process. All I can liken it to is like a boxer who is punch drunk. Knocked down so many times, not can pick yourself up off the floor.

I had a therapist once, who I only saw the one time. During our first and only session, I gave broad brush strokes of some of the wounds I still carry from the abuse my mother subjected me to. I didn't even get a chance to tell this therapist about the narcissistic trauma and abuse I had suffered at her doing, and I certainly didn't get to tell this therapist about the sexual trauma that my mother had subjected me to. I never got to tell this therapist that my mother had told me as a child that I "made her want to slit her own throat" or that she would often call me horrific names, telling me I was a little sh*t and the I was a c**t, but I did manage it get out that she had told me I was "the mistake she made that ruined her life. This therapist, before I had the chance to tell him about the sexual trauma and before I had the chance to tell him about the horrible things she had said to me, began to talk over the top of me and tell me that no mother wants to hurt their child. I pushed back, asking "what about psychopathic and sociopathic women who have children, surely they DO want to hurt their children?" I never got the chance to tell this therapist that my mother is a narcissist who communicated very clearly to me that she felt trapped in motherhood because of me. Instead, this therapist started to try and use his experience to bully me into agreeing with him, saying things like, "I've worked with many young mother's, and while they may make mistakes as young mother's, they don't resent their children and they do t set out to hurt them." I disagreed. He then asked me, "tell me about an I stance in which you truly believe your mother wanted to hurt you." That was when I told him that she had said to me that I was the mistake that ruined her life." He refused to accept what I was saying, and continued to try and convince me that my mother never intended to hurt me, that she never wanted to hurt me and that she never set out to hurt me. I walked out of the session before it was over, and as I was leaving he told me I should make another appointment with him to talk more about my relationship with my mother. I had never felt do discredited, dismissed and made out to be as melodramatic as he did. I expressly told him that he has triggered me, and he tried to tell me that that was my own fault for misunderstanding, because mother's just don't hurt their kids intentionally "in all his years of experience."

@grmpEqweer

Жыл бұрын

Yikes! So sorry that happened to you, both mom and that terrible therapist.

@LunaSky381

Жыл бұрын

Yikes. Terrible. A therapist is supposed to be an ally and not defend your abusers. Its crucial to hold abusing parents accountable ( even if its only in the therapy room and your own mind). You deserve better allys who will be rooting for you

@na-ra8701

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry that happened to you..I hope you're doing fine. Just because she is your mom,that doesn't mean she is always right. I'm kinda sure that therapist who you had a session with is very traditional person. Something like that can happen. try to be happy. I know it's hard. try to forgive your mom from your mind...

@marquistf1996

10 ай бұрын

Screw that guy

@britters220

7 ай бұрын

Sounds like a low IQ sexist man with no understanding of women at all. That man was a joke. All he has to do is do research on women who've killed their own children, other children, who have hurt children... But no, because "he has it all figured out" good riddance, I'm glad you ran before it was over. I would have shoved my phone in his face showing true crime documentaries on women who killed their own children. I would have said "so, this is all fiction then?" Then proceed to call him one of the dumbest sexist people I'd ever met... then leave. How he got that job... Is beyond me.

I just fired my therapist today. I’m realizing more and more that therapists have so many issues themselves. Out of 4 therapists, only one was really good. I’m going to try the coaching route.

@rogueerised979

5 ай бұрын

Coaching really helped me. More hands on and emails in bettween sessions

@bgm3460

4 ай бұрын

My therapist project her life in my and want I life the life how she want life her life, I ended with her

I'm considering quitting my therapist because I'm just not liking her responses to what I talk about. They're usually invalidating telling me my expectations are too high or putting words in my mouth and almost every session ends with me feeling gaslighted. I can relate to this letter.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like it's not a fit. Good you are using your power to find help that helps!

@breakingpoint3893

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you I think I have to be honest with her and myself that it's just not working. Have a good day!

@agnesm_23

2 жыл бұрын

Feeling the same right now.

@SharlenesJourney

Жыл бұрын

Same

@val8232

Жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy probably it’s never a fit. I’ve tried to go to so many therapists and even the ones that seem the best still aren’t right. Maybe this is not the way we’re supposed to heal (?)

Tried 6 therapist ...... and got MORE HELP from CrappyChilhood videos and books.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

@leavesofdistinction1679

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, Miss Anna. ❤

@ciobalina7445

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry that happened to you. I also must say that I learnt a lot from self-help books and from reading psychology books/articles. That’s when I actually really started seeing results.

@Mindsetolympics

2 жыл бұрын

Finding a therapist is like dating a little bit TRAUMATIC😪😪😪😪

@Flitalidapouet

2 жыл бұрын

@@Mindsetolympics Yep, and here in Canada they made a super costly degree obligatory to be therapist, so they start deep deep deep in debt and see you as a money sign instead of a person that needs help. Making all therapist greedy by DEFAULT is a big mistake I think.

One way to tell it's not a good fit is when your Therapist falls asleep in the middle of a session. I was having a zoom session with my counselor because of COVID. Neither of us showed our faces that session. But as I was discussing what was asked, I noticed she never said anything back. I said>>>Hello. Hello. You could tell she jumped from the sleep. And pretended that she was listening and started elaborating on something I had never brought up. I then asked had she heard me. She started saying, yes, but you cut out and on and on and on with the lies. I was devastated. Never met with that one again.

@nursejill1474

3 жыл бұрын

Awful

@mbsl923

3 жыл бұрын

That’s terrible. I had a psychiatrist fall asleep in front of me in his office once.

@monicap4418

3 жыл бұрын

@@mbsl923 same thing happened to me, it crushed me. I never went back.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Acrylic 100% sleeping is a definite sign a therapist is not right for you. Ouch -Cara@TeamFairy

@brandihillcom

3 жыл бұрын

Oh man I hope she doesn’t have narcolepsy. This is something I would do before I was diagnosed.🥺😢

Such an important topic. It’s hard because we believe that it’s our fault we’re not having breakthroughs though maybe we’re just not connecting with our therapists!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Great point!

@cdoublejj

2 жыл бұрын

holy crap, talk about blind! i'm already blind how does one see, well thats what this video is for but i wonder how long before we should start questioning

This is so true. I had a therapist for about 3 years who just triggered me. I would have nightmares, flashbacks & would feel exhausted after a session (it would take up to a week to regulate). One day I just went Nope 👎 no more. I’ve healed more from the 12 steps program for mental health, books & KZread.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

100% understand :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@Nani-rk7wt

Жыл бұрын

KZread and online books have saved my life for real. No family member or therapist has ever been as helpful.

The first two therapist I had were really annoying, it sucks to open up to a stranger just to hear "well, that's interesting" like, "no shit, that's why I'm here" lol. But even dumb experiencies like that are big steps in realizing what is what you need.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Great point! -Cara@TeamFairy

Make sure they GET you! I am seeing a trauma therapist that keeps questioning my reason for going to therapy. She says to me, “Maybe you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to heal.” Yes, I continue to participate every week and communicate with you just to not heal. I just don’t understand why anyone would question you when you’re TRYING to get help.

I ended my therapy this Monday, because I felt that despite going to him for 1.5 years, there was basically no progress. I addressed multiple times over the past few months that I felt we weren't working towards the goals I mentioned at the start, and which things I'd need to feel it works better for me (a more structured process, maybe "homework", and that every few sessions we check how things are looking regarding the goals we set etc). Each time he sort of brushed my suggestions/request off by making me insecure/feeling confused about it: "But do you *really* want that`? You don't seem like the kind of person to me that would actually want a more structured/guided approach..."So this Monday I repeated this again and that I didn't feel the therapy is helping me with the issues I came for, and that I feel we might just not be a good fit. He got defensive and said, that he feels blamed, but that that the lack of progress is actually because I don't open up enough/don't want to face my problems and want to do everything by myself, and that that's why I'm depressed, too. Imo it was incorrect and inappropriate. This statement made any remaining trust vanish on my end. He said that if I want to end the therapy, I can, but that he would find that unfortunate, because he likes me and he'd like to help. And I think this was meant to be kind, but after what he had just said, it felt more like a manipulation. So yeah. Before that session I had been considering to end the therapy, but after it, I was 100% certain of it. Thought about it some more hours, talked to friends about it, then contacted him and told him this was our last session.

I never had luck with therapy. I really tried too. I get tired of them saying it gets worse before it gets better. I almost think many years ago a really bad therapist made up that statement.

@anitat9727

3 жыл бұрын

Yup. Basically they can't tell the difference between deteriorating/doing serious harm and "getting better before it gets worse".

@Woodman-Spare-that-tree

3 жыл бұрын

@@anitat9727 ❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Angela_L that is definitely NOT what I want to hear in therapy. As Anna said, we should feel at least a little relief after every session. -Cara@TeamFairy

@maggie0285

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy very true indeed!

Different therapists I've had: - literally kicked me out of the intake appointment because "I don't waste my time with borderline personality patients". - blamed me for all my family's issues when I was in middle school. - told me I was choosing to be abused because I couldn't leave my living situation. I was 16 without a job. - was texting during the session.

@GoldenOwlEvents

3 жыл бұрын

That's so shitty and awful. I'm so sorry for all these crappy experiences you've had, you don't deserve to be treated that way at all. I feel really disgusted and angry on your behalf

@AG-ej7wm

3 жыл бұрын

Okay, that is just horrible! I'm so sorry for you. I hope you can see this clearly as a sign of THEIR huge amount of incompentence, and not take it personally.

@BoxOfKleenex

3 жыл бұрын

@@GoldenOwlEvents thanks 😊 luckily I've moved past it.

@BoxOfKleenex

3 жыл бұрын

@@AG-ej7wm thanks 😊 it was hard to not take personally, but I have moved on 😍

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Shannon_Duffy that sounds really awful...the texting is so ridiculous it's like it should be an SNL sketch. -Cara@TeamFairy

most people who have been traumatised are unlikely to even contemplate a therapist - or even afford one unless they are minted. Most therapists I have known are a complete mess themselves - one said to me "there is nothing wrong with you, you are just unhappy!"

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

For those that want this option, we hope they get more than that! Ouch -Cara@TeamFairy

I was listening to this video while folding clothes. I think the idea of " crap fit" is brilliant. It truly made me realize that as a child I HAD to fit myself to my dysfunctional parents. It's hard to find a therapist who can be objective and professional. I've experienced them doing all kinds of unacceptable things. I would love to find a good one that gets me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

I remember a time in my life when I had a lawyer who was more therapeutic than my psychiatrist. I finished the sessions with the shrink, but I only got one thing out of it, whereas I felt really heard and supported by my lawyer. She's a really good listener.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Caffeine_Jones I had same experience before! But also, my lawyer did the 'Daily Practice' Anna teaches so we had a nice connection. -Cara@TeamFairy

@katec9893

2 жыл бұрын

I've experienced this too. I found a physiotherapist who was very supportive and who would've made a great counsellor. My business advisor is also really supportive too. Its frustrating how a lot of therapists seem to be quite cold and unsupportive.

@SharlenesJourney

Жыл бұрын

Same here I had reached out to a lawyer before about something that involved a narcissist I never felt so heard in my life before he actually helped me however my therapist and I don’t really click we did in the beginning but I’ve always had an Ill guilt feeling about her therapy you really do need a connection and not just someone who just wants to listen and get all the info about what you have going on

@caffeinejones3513

Жыл бұрын

@@SharlenesJourney I actually got the best feedback I ever got from a psychiatrist I didn't really "click" with. I respected him, but he was not much like me. He was able to see my life from a very removed perspective and it benefitted my view.

@williampowell3378

Жыл бұрын

It is usually the opposite.

I recently had to stop seeing my therapist. After a few months of seeing certain things about her I didn't like, for example her repeatedly forgetting things I'd said previously. Giving advice I hadn't asked for. Being critical and judgemental. When I finally brought up with her the fact that I felt like I couldn't always speak freely with her because I felt that she personalised alot of my trauma she became very passive aggressive and tried to defect the fact that she did that back on to me. I did often feel that I had to take everything she said as absolute truth and that questioning her wasn't appreciated. I am sad at how unprofessionally she handled our last interaction. She had since tried to reach out but I havrnt responded. I am wondering if I should report her.

@pingu3984

3 жыл бұрын

@@crystaladdy2155 well. That's part of my issue. I honestly don't even know where to start! Sorry that's not much help. X

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@J_M I'm glad you got out of the uncomfortable relationship, a lot of us think it's our fault and keep slogging along. -Cara@TeamFairy

@pingu3984

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. Yes, I did think it was my issue. I know I have issues with trusting and feeling safe with women (why I came to therapy) and she told me that I didn't feel safe with her because of that and that I had to "deal with it" eventually. I stayed agaisnt my better judgement assuming that my unease with her was my issue but looking back I don't think it was.

@rosannatarsiero3670

3 жыл бұрын

My last therapist tried to convince me of the following: 1) that I’m ashamed of myself because I’m private, 2) that I have low self esteem because I don’t like to be in the spotlight, 3) that saying “I don’t know” means I don’t want to think. This is the same person who says I cannot say “I don’t know” because he doesn’t like it, that my worldview is irrational because he doesn’t agree with it, that I cannot draw comparisons between my old therapist and him because “I’m not her”. All the while I’m in school for becoming a therapist myself and I can’t help noticing he has more red flags than a California beach during shark season.

@pofty2

2 жыл бұрын

dont reporrt her it isnt that serious

I had a therapist who sexually groomed me for two years. I think he tried to make a move after one session but I was so hypervigilant that I looked up erotic transference and brought it up in therapy with him and was very open about how upsetting some of the transference feelings were. A few years later, after I became a therapist, I found out he had his license removed because he had sex with clients in a treatment center (!!!) and with outpatient clients and supervisees. I had felt uneasy with him from the beginning but was so good at crap fitting and the thought of finding someone new was overwhelming at the time. I still don’t know the full ramifications of my therapy with him but I can see my C-PTSD patterns at play. I also felt addicted and dependent on him.

@na-ra8701

Жыл бұрын

Gosh..I'm so sorry about what happened to you😢

@ziggilypiggily

10 ай бұрын

We might have known the same therapist. lol I had the same experience where the guy told me he wanted to sleep with me, then explained it away when I called him on it. Then 2 years later he placed his gym clothes all over the office leaving only the couch open to sit on. ....Then tried to make a move on me. I said no. told him I should leave. he agreed. I reported. It was later learned he had abused scores of women in his career - he lost everything.

The last person I went to told me on three separate occasions that she was younger than me. I have since given up.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Yikes!

@coolkidvt01

3 жыл бұрын

Yea.. Nope.

@QueenOfTheDamned

3 жыл бұрын

Omg

@Didleeios88

3 жыл бұрын

Wait, why is this a problem? Was she saying this to clarify her take on something. My therapist will remind me of her background sometimes if it's relevant. Eg. "My perspective is A but remember I grew up in a very different background so what do you think about this?"

@lorimiller4301

3 жыл бұрын

@@Didleeios88 it wasn't appropriate after the first time. It was within a short time too, I had only been there a few times. I've had SO many bad experiences it's almost unbelievable.

Spot on! Just terminated a therapeutic relationship and medication management with a psych nurse practitioner after 10yr! I never recognized how toxic it was and how I was just stagnate for too long. She recommended I get behavioral therapy. LOL! Then I move on 7 therapists later and an amazing trauma therapist. I have always needed a trauma therapist. Healing more since September than ever! Thanks for your videos!

@mbsl923

3 жыл бұрын

Congrats on going after what you need and for being willing to do trauma work. It’s anything but easy, but you’re worth it. I started seeing my latest therapist in August, and, like you, have done more work with her in less time than I have with other therapists. I hope your trauma therapist continues to be helpful in your journey.

@matthewdietzen6708

3 жыл бұрын

A lot of "therapists" behave like jackals feeding on the wounded animal that is the "patient."

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Michelle_Boyer it's too bad it took so long but well done, sticking with it until you got what you needed. totally worth it :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@cdoublejj

2 жыл бұрын

whats a trauma therapist and how do you know if you need one?

@michelleboyer7636

2 жыл бұрын

@@cdoublejj if you experienced trauma in your childhood or life. Only you will know if you need one. No other way of explaining it. Trauma is trauma and I learned the hard way, not every so called therapist is skilled in trauma therapy!

My third session with him was today. I felt like the first two were fairly good and I felt hopeful when I left. One of my issues is I'm a caregiver for an elderly narcissistic father and an autistic brother (live-in caretaker). I have a chronic illness and am in debt so I feel a bit trapped. Living with them can be very toxic at times. I'm in therapy to learn coping skills and a strategy for making my life better and becoming stronger, learning better boundaries, etc..I mentioned today that sometimes it feels like being in prison and I feel like I can't leave. The therapist said something like, "That's not true, you CAN leave. You can go to a shelter. Think about why you're being loyal to these people who may not deserve your loyalty." I mean, I get where he was coming from in a sense, but it felt overwhelming. It felt aggressive. I feel I need to get mentally and physically stronger before I can think that through and make a strategy before doing something that dramatic. The whole experience today felt analogous to someone wanting to learn to climb mountains being told to start with Mt. Everest. I actually felt traumatized after I left today - I felt split in two. I may give him one more session but I'm already sensing this might not be a good fit. He's very blunt and direct, which isn't always a bad thing, and I don't mind being "challenged" but I just feel like I need a counselor who's a bit softer and more empathetic. Thank you for this great video.

@skylaralexis7699

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t know of this is still relevant, but no one gets to decide whether or not you’re ready for a specific change but you, because the person who is going to be the most affected by that change is you. And you have to get yourself through that change and transition. You are the only one who has any right to decide when, how and where you’re going to do this.

@Deliasdream

Жыл бұрын

True dat!

@ziggilypiggily

10 ай бұрын

Having been a live in caregiver myself, it means you're there 24/7 a lot of the time and someone has to be notified and arrangements made, if you're going to be out for an extended period and not doing your regular duties. Not just that easy. I can imagine leaving without prior arrangements could land you in hot water. That therapist is clueless on what being a live in caregiver is like.

@kirsikka3752

9 ай бұрын

How are you today? I hope things are better. I am searching for a therapist. What I have noticed is that I get easily triggered by males, never with women. I have a narcissist father too and from that CPTSD. I do not know wheter it would be better to go to male therapist to learn the way out from this triggering or to female to feel safer and interaction is easier. I do not have enough experience with men and their more direct and strickt way of communicating.

I have seen quite a few therapists over the decades, and while it's mostly gone well (one or two bad experiences), I have never gotten much from it. There was very little they observed that I had not already seen for myself, and very little they suggested that I had not already tried. It is nice to hear an acknowledgement that you should be sensing some progress. Whenever I have expressed any frustration at my own lack of progress, that I felt as bad as ever and nothing was getting any better, all I ever got was "it takes time!" I very quickly learned not to ask how long it might take, because it always resulted with the admonishment that "you can't expect results overnight, you need to be patient," regardless of how many months pass, I should never wonder when things might get better because "it takes time!."

People seek professional counselling for different reasons, and your say on this topic seems very relevant for both clients-to-be, and therapists. Your ability to avoid blame and judgement is so refreshing and invigorating.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

I definitely have the wrong therapist...I'm having a hard time finding someone.

I asked my therapist yesterday if I could have a referral for different type of therapy because I felt like talk therapy and want helping and all other talk therapists I’ve had have not helped the way I think I need at this point in my healing , I’m needing something more - emdr , somatic etc , she told me I’m the common denominator of all the people and I’m the problem. This is not the first red flag with her.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I'd say your last point is the most important! Everything else doesn't matter without feeling seen, understood and safe. I'd even go as far to say that when you ask yourself the question if your therapist is a fit, they most likely aren't.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

RIght, if you are questioning too much maybe there's a problem? -Cara@TeamFairy

@cakepudding3220

Жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I keep going back and forth on how I feel about my therapist. She’s great on one hand and comes across awful with what she says to me sometimes. Due to my living situation (homeless, in another hostel, on benefits, out of work I don’t have the luxury of shopping or picking who I get and have settled for what I can at the moment)

I studied psychology before changing majors and have gone to therapy (only a few had good approaches). What I find interesting is how a very young area of study has become with such certainty the absolute authority on the mind (which from a transpersonal perspective is not even who you are). Today the DSMV has become a product of a pattern of scientist categories where what is normal is about 1% of the population and most systems in place are not working for people. The profession needs to regroup.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Great points!

Therapy made my flashbacks and nightmares way worse. I stopped and I am stuck with all of it now.

@bonniel4325

3 жыл бұрын

I hope you find the right support to get back on track with your healing. I found a super nurturing meditation group before lockdown happened. That was very comforting. I find Anna's videos very helpful. Also Tara Brach, and Pema Chodron.

@talia8581

3 жыл бұрын

@@bonniel4325 Thx. I do try to meditate now. Not easy to shut my mind up.

@Rebecca20239

3 жыл бұрын

those are awful experiences however they are a positive sign that your subconscious is making effort to heal by working the trauma/stress that you experienced out. Your subconscious has been holding all that stress in and with therapy you are allowing your mind to process and heal. nightmares are common and they are not permanent (in fact as you KEEP WORKING in your therapy your nightmares will shift! Yup, if you are a visual dreamer then you will start to have dreams where the 'abuser' in the dream becomes the underdog. Don't give up. Your therapy work opens up like 'pandora's box' of trauma. If you stop suddenly then you are basically closing the door to that box and making that trauma to stay within. The body and mind strive to survive and heal. Therapy can be like taking an old wrapping off a wound to help it heal more naturally. It can be painful at first, but eventually it heals organically because that is what the body/mind is made to do:)

@elonever.2.071

3 жыл бұрын

You should look into energy therapy, it doesnt involve digging up old wounds and traumatic situations. It is designed to release the trauma from the musculature, and you just say what comes to mind after you go through the routine. Asha Clinton has one called 'Advance Integrated Therapy' and it worked miracles for me.

@anitat9727

3 жыл бұрын

Same. How have you dealt with it?

Tbh, I'd add "doesn't not use any feedback informed metrics". Why? Because it prevents said therapists from pretending lack of improvement is due to "your resistance" or trying to gaslight you that "you really are improving" if you decide to complain that said therapy did nothing.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

good point, that happened to me too actually and like Anna said, we tend to think it's our fault. -Cara@TeamFairy

It is a relief to hear these things. It is so discouraging when I an told over and over that it is a hard process, it will take time, more time, whenever I get discouraged that I don't feel any better after months and months of trying its ALWAYS "you need to give it more time!" I constantly hear about how great therapy is, but apparently I'm not supposed to expect anything to ever happen because "it takes time!"

I feel uncomfortable sharing this but I've been with my current therapist for 4 years. Lately I had some sort of awakening and started seeing things differently and informing myself more about my own healing (this is how I found your channel). Yesterday I had a call with him and I believe I was having an emotional flashback and was dissociating. I kept trying to make my point with clarity but it was hard. And over that, at some point he suggested a quick fix in a way that felt just wrong to me and unsafe. I had just told him I think I may have a repressed memory that is trying to come out, and I felt invalidated. At the end of the call he sent me a song and told me to read the lyrics. He used some humour too, and at that moment I was so confused I laughed too, but inside I felt like dying and like something was just so wrong. Of course I cannot say he's a bad therapist but I feel like he's just not a good fit for me anymore. I also have friends and family members questioning the work with him.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Glad you are here getting some more perspective so you can decide :)

Mine doesn't feel right at the moment. Giving one more session a chance to see if there is any change in her style. She spends a lot of time talking about herself and other things not related to what I need.

@mbsl923

3 жыл бұрын

They work for us, the client/patient. Not the other way around. If that session doesn’t turn things around, I hope you find someone who is a good fit for you.

@catherinewholey3630

3 жыл бұрын

Big red flag. Mine did too. I got out and didnt regret it.

@Bealtaine947

3 жыл бұрын

@@catherinewholey3630 This session will be #3 . If EFT is not brought into this session I will be gone and this was her suggestion on day #1

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@isabel_mulvhill great movement- if it's crapfit you'll find what you need elsewhere. And if it can work out after you speak up, also great! -Cara@TeamFairy

@mrichards7849

3 жыл бұрын

I have found that a lot, where they start talking about themselves. Hey you are not paying me, I'm paying you!!! Also I hate the projection and defensiveness. Really shouldn't a therapist be able to see that in themselves?

Thanks Anna, I had a therapist who kept telling me I wasn't listening to him, trouble was he didn't really say anything that I thought was important. Finished therapy now, my last therapist was the right fit and after all the years and all the therapists I've seen, so glad that i found one that felt right for me to have the confidence to know i was comfortable to stop.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's great!

My therapist only ever says ,oh your going through a lot or thats hard to deal with ,how does that make you feel? And then she'll say yeah thats not a good way to feel. Uhhhhh

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's a cliche at this point, ugh. -Cara@TeamFairy

@GreatMindsSeekTruth

3 жыл бұрын

I’m going through the same! Therapy has been a long ride to nowhere. She adds nothing of value nor challenge or inspire me to change. It’s basically nothing but a “vent session.” Must be nice to get paid for a simple conversation.

There is a guy named Richard Granon who stated that you never choose a therapist who hasn't been though it themselves.

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

I don't like Richard Grannon. Edit: Neuro Linguistic Programming. Hypnosis. I watched one of his videos that creeped me the ef out. Ex military.

@user-iu3cy2tx3c

3 жыл бұрын

I would add also to never choose a therapist with an active addiction

@Woodman-Spare-that-tree

3 жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 He comes across as patronising and fake to me, but I could not tell you why. If I met him in real life, my gut would be telling me he is dangerous. But I don’t know why. Just gut instinct. If somebody, some day, were to tell me that he is a sociopath, I would not be surprised.

@eddierayvanlynch6133

3 жыл бұрын

Grannon is an able speaker who rarely pauses or seems unsure in his presentation. I'll give him that much. But his reliance on clichés like that is a red flag to me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's really personal, some people really want that relatedness and others feel that they are in danger of being projected upon. -Cara@TeamFairy

A lot of "Therapist" have no business being a "therapist", kind of like a lot of teachers that do not teach and cops that are unfit, mad people on a permanent power-trip

My past therapist was caught in many lies. The therapist I have now is moving on cause she has a new job. Tomorrow is supposed to be my last session with her but I'm cancelling. She keeps saying I'm a great advocate for myself but I have major problems with this. This is regard to doctors. I do state to them what my health problem is but I'm ignored. I feel marginalized because they know the medications I take.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Constantly advocating for ourselves can be exhausting and demoralizing...I understand what you mean -Cara@TeamFairy

As a therapist I am stunned by some of the comments on here describing awful experiences. I am sorry that the host didn't benefit from her therapy. Many important points have been made here. I am glad the host has found some good therapists to work with in the end.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I know many people have found therapy helpful. I met many good therapists -- good and capable people, but I have never benefitted from therapy. If you're interested you can hear the story "Why I Quit Therapy here: kzread.info/dash/bejne/kWeLzNlqeNO-c5M.html

@trinap.8904

3 жыл бұрын

Therapists have not helped me. Takes too long to reach a diagnosis; especially if they never experienced cptsd firsthand---many dont get it!?!? Healing wasnt happening and i felt stuck.

@psalmsreader7997

3 жыл бұрын

@@trinap.8904 Therapists need to do a better job of explaining what they do, expected results, their approach, how it works, and many other relevant aspects of their service. Many assume that people don't require an explanation and that makes no sense.

@lamentate07

7 ай бұрын

@@psalmsreader7997 They also need to admit defeat and refer clients on when things aren't working out.

I'm adding to my last... I have paid for therapy twice now. Both ranging from £1000 to £1400 pounds. That, and with the free stuff from the NHS, I would have expected a cure by now but no, I still have these triggers and depression. All that, and the child hood abuse was never my fault in the first place. Here in the UK, they prefer to get you on the antidepressants till it numbs you out, and you put on weight, so they can capitalise again!!!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Antidepressants are very commonly prescribed in U.S. as well. They can be great of course but we want to know that the prescriber is seeing us as a person, thanks for your comments! -Cara@TeamFairy

I’m 17 and have seen 10 different therapists over the past 4 years and not a single one of them was able to truly help me out long term. Majority of the time we’d chat but we would never actually work on anything. Often they’d just nod along to what I would say and we never worked on anything. I never felt like progress was being made. The last therapist I saw however was better than the 9 other ones I saw. He was able to sort of help me at first and we tried to work on things. I tried out the coping mechanisms he would give me and they ended up not working out for me and he wasn’t helping anymore so I stopped seeing him. I then took a break from therapy for a while but I’m still working through a lot of things. So my pediatrician referred me to a really good therapist. But then a couple days later my mom got a call saying the therapists office that I was referred to is not accepting new patients. Which made me so beyond upset. I’m still working through a lot of things. But I truly don’t see the point of even trying to look for a therapist anymore. Maybe therapy is just not for me

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I can't say if therapy is right for you or not, but I'm glad you're here to learn a bit more about CPTSD :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I have been to some really bad therapists, the last one I feel kept giggling after everything I said to him. As a therapist you are not supposed to show excitement or surprise, Let alone laughing! It’s trial and error. I like the kind of therapist that speaks to my higher self

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you didn't stick with those where you felt uncomfortable, keep seeking! -Cara@TeamFairy

@outgoing_introvert

8 күн бұрын

It depends which modality they are trained in. Psychoanalysts maybe wouldn’t but a person centred therapist may do, because it’s reflecting genuineness (appropriately). Though obviously it’s important to find what’s comfortable to you.

OH M'gosh Your sanity is such a Spring breeze. Thank you for ALL your hard work and teaching how mental health is possible; and not every day of one's life needs to be a black comedy or a tragedy .You have that brilliance to get us traction, I feel . Thank you ! Big gratitude to you , so much !✨💫🌟 ..

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

I’m Just tired very tired and on top Of that I have to deal with therapists not getting me - it’s hell

Where was this video when I had my multitude of bad therapists? Thanks for the validation of me choosing to move on.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you followed your intuition!

My experience is that they might align with some of the how / why I do things the way I have. However, they are missing the mark about how the "manipulation" contributed to the bad decisions as my perception was being distorted. I own "my stuff" and "my part". I get they may be trying to provide the tough love. However, so much of what I have experienced or feel is too often "invalidated". Not much in the way of direction "out". Honestly, it almost starts to feel like love bombing followed by devaluing then breadcrumbs of support. I don't need another cycle of that to keep me stuck. I honestly don't think they are doing it on purpose. They are relying on what they have read, and theory. Yes, people may have moved forward. How many really healed?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Appreciate your comments, thanks for chiming in!

Thanks for sharing your perspectives on therapy, Anna. I like the idea of a participatory process being offered to the client when they are out of crisis mode and ready to explore ways of doing their own work toward healing. I hadn't realized before that a therapist had a role beyond receiving stories and helping the client to navigate toward their own solutions.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Great, glad it was informative for you!

Good advice! Thank you Ann and Carmen for writing the letter.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Probably it’s never a fit. I’ve tried to go to so many therapists and even the ones that seem the best still aren’t right. Maybe this is not the way we’re supposed to heal (?)

I have never found any therapist or therapy helpful. No fault of the therapists. I just don't find talking helpful. I already know all the stuff they're going to say on a mental or cognitive level, but nothing ever changes on the emotional level. A lot of the time I am SO blocked from showing emotions, that I simply cannot let down the facade. I can't stop myself from being the smiling, happy, put together, ultra knowledgeable...and although I'll blabber endlessly about things and even feelings, I don't ever show any emotion. I've had quite a few therapists interrupt me to ask me a question that I don't find relevant. That annoys me. I've also had therapists who seem way too quick to jump on a diagnosis that they seem to think explains ALL my issues. And thus, they diminish or ignore my ACTUAL much broader range of issues. I do understand that due to the happy facade / no emotion thing, therapists might find it hard to really grasp or even believe me. And definitely, I've never had one who's really GOTTEN me. And any techniques therapists have suggested just do not work for me. At all. Oh, and if Carmen ever reads this...you will be an excellent therapist, and mucg better than your moody / unstable therapist. ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Hopefully Carmen sees this :)

I recall during most sessions I was engaged in to address issues concerning my children after a separation and a 9 year bitter divorce. My children were subjected to what is now called "parental manipulation". Now it's considered a situation when proven, results in the removal of the child from a parental custodial or access rights. But 11 years ago in Ontario it was not a recognized assault to a child's mental wellbeing and more just a normal situation to many bitter parents divorce situation. Basically, a child suffers from being told that in order to love your one parent you had to distrust, lack respect, and hate the other. Children just want to be loved by both parents. They need to know from a mentally healthy standpoint that in. This transition where every aspect of stability and normalcy is gone. And to offer some anchor to chaos is in knowing both parents still love them, can trust them to be there in support. But I and my children didn't have that opportunity for any sense of making the best out of a sad situation for them. So I thought it best to find professional help for them to have a perceivably impartial third party offer some clarity for them.in seeking a qualified councillor, I had gone through many who were not just bias but resentful and often in front of the child during an initial interview question why I as a father had custody and not their mother. Not a conversation to have in front of a child in my opinion. Best left for a one on one between adults. The fact was once told to me by a Professor of First Nations (American Indian) Social Work, who said. The reality of this profession is that most of those councillors who enter into the Counselling profession in order to to fix their own emotional issues by claiming to have answers to fix someone else, fail. They fail to help their clients seeking advice and fail to fix their own issues. I stopped knocking on doors after that bit of sound advise. But I never stopped seeking answers. I cam to realize that the key to understanding where your child is emotionally is to ask. Talk, listen, share re enforce your love of that child in front of you not just by lip service but by action. Reassure them they are loved, appreciated and respected. Communication is fundamental to building any strong relationship. And be honest to them. You don't always have the answer but you have each other to rely upon to find those solutions and answers. How I know this works? Years later I was shown I made the right choice in my attempt at being a Dad. It happened when my youngest daughter and I were driving to a different city that was 6 hours by car in so she could attend a college program in her choice of trade..yes she's a tradesperson, swinging a hammer. We talked all the way there. We even missed stopping at the Starbucks midway point, our discussion was so involving . I don't recall what was said for most of the drive, except for one conversation that instantly vindicated every court appearance, we had to endure, every lie and rumour we lived, and directional parenting choice i had to make alone. ( No you can't get a tattoo your 11!!! No you can't go out until your homework is done. You did what, rode in the front of your Moms boyfriends motorcycle doingb187 kilometres an hour. No never again. I don't care you had a helmet on...not going to happen again. We've all had those arguments with our children. When the reality of realizing, "I'm not your friend... I'm your parent... Sorry you don't get it but you will when you have your own children. Something my parents used to say to me lol.) During that drive, my daughter told me my purpose in life and the choices I made for them were the right ones. No more second guessing or questioning the merit of other people's opinion. Sure im.not perfect but all doubt vanished. When my youngest daughter said to me. " Dad if I ever have kids, I want them to live a life like when we were living with you." I almost pulled over in shock.. Pardon? What? I said, "I thought I was just making mistakes and apologizing for them?" She said, No Dad. Living with you we were always out doing stuff. You always challenged us to try new things. To never give up. We were always laughing In the house playing jokes on each other. You put us in front of what you needed all the time. Sure you'd yell at us at times but we likely deserved it. You never hit us abused us like some of my friends were by their parents. And I want my kids to grow up like that." Instantly I felt vindicated and overjoyed she got it. She benefited as did her sister and brother in gaining a foundation of self through every self sacrifice., every worry every fear I experienced as a single Dad. I loved being a Dad. It wasn't all wonderful and admittedly there were times when in was utterly shattered. Especially when I'd come home from.work and the girls would be gone and our son at the door telling me his mother picked up his sisters and he remained behind. (he once said Dad, I would never go with Mom but at least she could ask... What do you say to a 6 year old when he says that to you? All I could do was hug him and make the home as normal as possible until his sister's returned which wss a month too three months later.) Anyway .. Thanks for your videos. It certainly helped in my need for clarity in understanding an ex fiancee whom suffers from CPTSD and APTSD. Suffers with all the extremities in personality issues that come with it. Luckily after 14 months of falling in love with a lie, I began to notice cracks in her stories, that when I questioned, resulted in complete irrational explanations that were met with hostility and excuses of turning around blame. Still miss the lie and I've questioned my choice to leave at times but I continue to avoid any contact, save when I lean from.mutual acquaintances of her children fell in some sort of trouble. Regrettably I reached out to them with to offer some help if needed. Bad choice, I came to realize in the first 6 seconds of being screamed and yelled at. ( her kids are 15 and 18) so I have avoided that contact as well. Again thank you had it not been for your excellent description of PSTD is be still shaking my head in "awwwww..what" reactions

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad understanding the condition is helping you :)

Not only is that a bad therapist, that therapist's behavior is inappropriate. There job is to keep their "stuff" out of the office. It should never be about them. I agree with the Crappy Childhood Fairy in that it's borderlining, but not necessarily at that point, reportable in the U.S.. If nothing else, keep a record of this persons actions and words that don't seem right to you, in case it turns into something later. If you can't bring it up to the therapist themself, it's probably time to get out and find someone else. You should be able to completely trust your therapist and bring anything up to them. In my experience, if I don't trust them AND feel like they are in the trench beside me and helping me find a way out of it, I don't make progress. I'm on my 7th therapist in 20 years. I would say I stayed with two of them beyond when it was no longer beneficial for me. I have been fortunate with the others. To anyone who actually reads this, I hope you find the help and support that best works for you, whatever that may be.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

"If I don't trust them and feel like they are in trench beside me..." great point! Some of us go to therapy expecting evidence based practices. Good to get clear ahead of time what the course of treatment is and not a feeling like someone else is working something out for themselves while charging us :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Really great video. Thanks for putting this stuff out there.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

Thank you for showing up💗🙏🏽

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

Spot-on! You described my only serious 4 yrs with a fucking amatuer that I should have fired back in the eighties. Among other things, this woman fell asleep on me in one session, but billed me anyway. I was angry the entire 4 yrs. Truth is, MOST therapists are mediocre to worthless. I recommend Dr Ramani here on you tube. She's brilliant and one-of-a-kind and better than MOST "pay per visit" clueless hacks!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

I was very disheartened when at 35 years old I finally felt ready and needing to open up about childhood sexual abuse to a therapist, and after many months they never once broached that subject with me 😞 it made me feel like wow no wonder I keep this in, not even a professional is willing to help

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Erika_DeLeon we get it! Thanks for commenting, glad you're here. -Cara@TeamFairy

@harmonygordon6901

3 жыл бұрын

💔 saying a prayer for you. Hope you find peace and healing. Children are never to blame for being victims. I am sorry that you were hurt.

@erikakdee

3 жыл бұрын

@@harmonygordon6901 thank you 🙏🏽

I tried a counselor last fall... it felt like I was just talking the whole time. Or the counselor would actually tell me stories about things that happened to her in the past but it was rare that she gave me homework and the stuff she gave me didn't seem helpful... I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it or like it wasn't really helping me at all, so I decided to stop making appointments with her. She never contacted me again, either.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

For CPTSD, we really need a plan of action and ways that we can work on ourselves independent of another person. If you try again, perhaps have that discussion when you all meet. Good Luck, thanks for being here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

You are RIGHT ON TARGET.

I’m so excited to watch this video! This is what I need!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

There was a therapist I went to who repeatedly told me that we weren't allowed to have sex. I was young and suicidal, very much in need of counseling so it took me a while to really get away. I hope his other clients are okay.

@GoldenOwlEvents

3 жыл бұрын

Omg I'm so sorry that happened to you, Vanessa! That's so fucked up and weird. I'm guessing the therapist was attracted to you and was thinking about sex for themself. That's an extremely unprofessional and irresponsible way to act towards a client. Good on you for getting away from there.

@vanniche_ry100

3 жыл бұрын

@@GoldenOwlEvents thank you very much, yes that's also what I am thinking. I've had a big fight with him and then left, in therapy with another woman now for two/three years since then, I'm in a better place fortunately!

@sarahhepburn3363

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds manipulative, like he was hoping you would say “why not?” Or something. Gross.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Vanessa_B NOT OK, and I understand feeling so desperate we don't trust ourselves enough to stay away and stay alive. Thank goodness you have someone now you can trust. -Cara@TeamFairy

@vanniche_ry100

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy yes I am very happy about that and thank you for answering! I really enjoy your content! ❤

A well earned congratulations for your milestone look forward to seeing you more here on KZread best wishes x

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Many many thanks

I have had six bad therapists here in the UK and have decided enough is enough. Apart from the fact that they had all my savings between them each one had many big red flags but after the first 2 therapists I stopped with the others pretty quickly as I learned to go with my gut and recognise all the bad signs so I guess I have at least proven to myself that I can pick out toxic behaviour and trust my gut. The first was particularly bad. I was very badly traumatized having been through a 20 year toxic relationship so I had no boundaries. She would put me down, tell me I looked a mess (I didnt) , talk most of the time about herself, take personal calls, even shout sometimes. One time she went out to buy her Christmas turkey DURING our session having left me with a text book to read. Our sessions lasted anything up to 3 hours! I was sick and devoid of boundaries and she took full advantage of me. The others were more covert in their abuse but none had my best interest at heart, Never again!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, that is pretty extreme; leaving you with a text book on your dime is definitely not ok, not to mention yelling or critical comments about your appearance. Just ouch! -Cara@TeamFairy

Tone, behaviour, and reliability all matter, especially in therapy.

Though it wasn’t a trauma therapist I had a therapist that was supportive of me and got me through my situation. Some of the things she told me were so dismissive though 😂. For instance she said “aww it’s because you’re so loving.” Meanwhile I need to learn how to identify emotional abuse and get out of a trauma bond. She was sweet though!

great video, the lighting and video quality is awesome

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much!

Is therapy very expensive in the states? Only, It is here in the UK! Often the free stuff from the NHS is so over run the therapist is so under pressure, it makes you feel that you're an inconvenience to start with. CBT is always forced as an answer first as its self administering. I find for me, it does not last?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Therapy with weekly visits is an inherently expensive way to get help, so if you have access to a bit of it, I recommend learning what you can from it, but with or without professional help, take charge of your own healing and take steps every day to learn and try approaches that help you. THIS is the sustainable, affordable way forward. Professional help can add so much to that, but cannot replace it.

All of these things have happened to me, 1 therapist every time I mentioned one of my problems “but you’re so pretty”, “how is my favorite patient”, “here is my cell if you need anything”, & spent the whole time talking about himself. Another told me my feelings weren’t valid. The last was a waste of 2 1/2 years and I would like my money back. Never gave me any concrete suggestions, treated my life like a soap opera...was literally on the edge of his seat when I would mention my love life. But didn’t listen to the important stuff....after 2 years he says “maybe it’s clinical”...I’ve had a clinical diagnosis for 10 years and that’s information that was given to him and explained to him 🙄 Complete waste of time. Idk if I should try again or give up on therapy.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Ms I have had that same feeling of wanting my money back so bad...obviously, I couldn't say if therapy is right course of action for you (I did give up on that course of action myself-have done Daily Practice of writing and meditation for 12 years now) and if it is, still don't give up on the healing process, you deserve to feel good :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I’m currently in therapy through a charity (Christian based) I’ve had multiple times when I would voice my concern about my current life circumstances and the therapist said well if you had children or a house to clean you wouldn’t be focused on thinking about your situation (I’m homeless with no family and no decent friends) Therapist made an assumption that I don’t know how to have long lasting connections with people. I had to correct her and say I did have friends in the past but due to being on benefits and isolated I have become a recluse over the years due to my life circumstances I never used to be like this. Therapist then says yeah but there not your friends twice and I said yes I know this now but at the time I considered them friends and wasn’t the reclusive anti people type until I ended up trapped in the homeless cycle living in the system and then eventually became this way over the last few years. Like she was rubbing salt in the wound constantly. I spoke about something positive and out of know where therapist brought up actually I do think you have a generational curse on your family (I mentioned this not in this session at all) I tried to ignore and divert by saying yeah you know all families have some type of generational curse in different ways. It was like she was trying to make me focus on something negative when my mood was lifted. I spoke to her in the past and said sometimes you say things and can make me feel bad I’m sure you don’t mean to but it can make me feel guarded and upset as a result. Therapist apologized and said they’ll make a note of it. Today it happened again when therapist said you don’t have anyone like someone in your situation would have at least an ex partner they can live with. Triggering me to be reminded of how lonely, homeless and isolated I am. I brought it up later in the session because again I wanted to ignore it and not let it affect me as I couldn’t do any of the breathing exercises and I said I’m sure your not being malicious but I just need to get it out and said what was bothering me from this session. She apologized and went completely silent over the phone for the remaining 5 minutes on the phone and made me feel bad and I apologized and told her I hope you are ok as the phone went quiet. Therapist said I should have said something earlier but I just did not know how and I must admit due to my only support system and the fact that I can’t afford to “shop” for counselling as it’s already on commission at a Christian charity and I spoke before regarding the same behaviour it’s not easy to always speak up. The phone call ended with wrapping up the session as usual with nothing really said. It was an awkward silence for at least 5 minutes beforehand and now I’ve been ruminating over it in my head for a few hours after as I feel like I have upset my therapist. The therapist is a good therapist despite those moments but it’s times like today and previous moments where it makes me not fully open up to my therapist fully due to this.

Great video and very useful and reassuring guidance for personal therapy x

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

100% validation. Thank you 😊.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome 😊

Thank you so much for this video..❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

You are such a help. You’re amazing.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

So happy to hear that, really glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Red flags I have encountered with my own experiences with therapy: 1) Therapist constantly shows up more than an hour late for weekly sessions and keeps me longer than an hour. I believe he worked it out that way on purpose so the agency could double bill my Medicaid each week 2) Therapist is distracted by watching the local news or playing a game on their computer when they should be taking clinical notes 3) Never giving me a clear diagnosis on my condition; reading off a list of seemingly contradictory diagnoses written by previous clinicians 4) Saying the only way to get better is to get a job. How can I get and maintain a job when leaving the house for any reason is a constant struggle? 5) Asking questions and seeking certain details in my answers that are clearly steering towards a particular diagnosis (for example schizophrenia) while disregarding the "total picture" in my responses; being more concerned about any possible sordid history with sex or substance abuse than anything else like trauma or being a victim of bullying or gaslighting 6) Told I should consider becoming a foster parent to feel better. As a person on SSI who never married and living alone dealing with trauma issues with my own parents and who is mentally ill, how is this even a good idea? Three years ago after having some form of therapy for almost 25 years even I had to call it quits after that last one. Now I'm here watching videos on KZread and feel more helped than I have in years.

Great listening to, and this is as important with friends and family, aso. Having people around you, who only negate everything you are about. And never Get anything more than what "the norm is or should be". Is terrible. I Wish I would have known this more than 20 yrs ago! I would have stopped more than one therapist. And, having people around us, who do not Get us, is only worsening, and even sickening. Some do Get me, thanks God ;) Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you're here!

I’ve had/tried 9 or 10 therapists in 30 years. None understood me and only in the past few years have I learned-online-that I have CPTSD. My current and most recent previous therapist seem physically unhealthy and are severely overweight. So they don’t understand about my body image or my struggle to eliminate unhealthy foods, because they clearly don’t have it figured out for themselves. I don’t mean to be cruel, it’s just that this is another obstacle to finding the right therapist that I didn’t anticipate.

Therapy is such a big deal, the energy, work and cost. I understand there is incompatibility at times but I wish therapists would just be honest with clients what is in and out of scope to spare everyone involved.

Once again, Anna comes to rescue me 😊 thanks for your selfless content 🙏

Truly I'm not worthy of my therapist. But knowing her as well as I do, she would respectfully disagree.

@crystaladdy2155

3 жыл бұрын

Can you be more specific about what you disagree with? I expect my therapist to have integrity and a high code of ethics!!! I'm also coming out of a high control religion where there's a lot of suicides and nobody's really done any studies on this group period more and more testimonies are coming out about this religion and people are getting hurt and dying. Wondering how much more time will go by before people start to take notice, and not turn a blind eye to the situation

@somethingyousaid5059

3 жыл бұрын

I just mean that she would not agree with me that I was not worthy of her. She would not be willing to enable my indulgence of self-pity, that's all. It's in keeping with all of what makes her a quality therapist.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@something_you_said Wonderful, we wouldn't want you to have any agreement there! -Cara@TeamFairy

I had an organization that was sponsoring me to get therapy after getting married, when I started I found out after years of therapy with others that I have CPTSD... It was mortifying to find out that I had all this crap to deal with after years of pouring out my heart & no one figuring out what was wrong. But, she was awesome & I totally trusted her. After 2 months of opening a door I could never close, the organization decided that they couldn't pay for this long term treatment! I wasn't in a position to pay for the visits. It was devastating to have my eyes opened, grow to trust someone and then be sent away with zero assistance with finding an alternative trauma therapist. I did reach out to everyone I could find. Upside to this experience: I must add that it turned out to be a blessing, as the realization of this truth & addressing it, was causing a lot more trouble in my life at the time, because I wasn't in a safe environment in my home... which is what made the cptsd obvious to her in the first place! Lesson: don't start what can't be continued AND don't start digging up the trauma when under constant threat in your home...

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Bill that would be devastating, I'm so glad you see it now as a blessing. It sound like you got yourself into safe situation which is crucial. Pretty impossible to heal trauma when feeling scared and unsafe. -Cara@TeamFairy

I went to pain management therapist. I have chronic pain associated with Neuropathy, Radiculopathy, Lupus in the form of Rheumatoid Arthritis and Hashimotos Disease. I have Von Willie Brand Disease, multiple Spinal surgies and broken bones syndrome. I suffer from functioning depression because of my Christian faith but I don't have family support. I went because I needed to talk and my pain management physician suggested it. My therapist was a wisenheimer. He cracked jokes on the first few minutes and didn't listen. I answered my intake questions which he joked about. He asked did I go to church. I answered not as much because I can't sit for prolonged periods. I either come late to hear the message and leave early. I began to be asked why, and questioned why I got up frequently. I explained that the nerves would burn and cause excruciating pain if the position wasn't changed. He told me that it was in my head and no one was concerned but I was imagining it even though I said that I was questioned and even told that my faith wasn't strong enough to be healed. He often told my thinking was incorrect and projecting. Another therapist came on the video sessions 15 to 20 minutes late without explanation and ended early to set up another appointment. She drank and ate during my sessions because she didn't have time to eat and was a diabetic. I am naturally empathetic but she took advantage of that. She asked me to call 911 if she became ill during a session. I felt responsible for her and not comfortable to seek help. She forgot what we talked about but would share her personal information about her husband and children. The last straw was an elderly lady with Parkinson. She labored through our sessions to speak and to communicate. I felt so responsible for her that I would often ask if she needed to take a break.

Went to a therapy session. Talked about my Cptsd. How toxic my parents are, how they’ve never cared about me as an individual, have no idea the stress or affect they had and how I don’t talk to them. First thing they did was ask me to email an adhd evaluation form for them to fill out. Talk about a ridiculous oversight. If I had problems, it was due to the ridiculous stress, dread, anxiety and depression they caused during school years. Then, to top it off, I expressed I had depression, immediately it was inferred that I aught not have a hunting license, and if I owned a gun and if it was properly stored. F off, you’re all out of your depth. Never went back. This was St. Joseph’s care group in Thunder Bay ON.

Been in therapy since I was 13 and have watched my self getting worse and worse! I’m now 49 and can’t hold job because of stress and not being able to handle others stress

I keep encountering practitioners that trigger past trauma by doing the specific things that I've told them are hurtful to me. I need help but feel incredibly on guard and bitter now. I have no clue how to attract trustworthy help and it must be because I suck. I have no reliable support system and it's scary

Ursa Minor 1 second ago Thank you for sharing. Past therapists seemed to only want to keep me in my story and not let me move through it. No tools given. I had to figure it out on my own. I didn’t even know I was traumatized, cptsd, narc abuse survivor, throw in gay and hsp. Until I dug deep on my own I had no ability to uncover the core. I did it on my own, you can too and even faster considering the incredible guidance given here by this wonderful teacher/ guide- Anna. Thank you

My therapist kind of harasses me to make appointments. She sends me txt like I see you haven’t made and appointment make sure you make an appointment. I ghosted her. Then came back and she’s acting passive aggressive and doing dangerous things like labeling. She doesn’t get me at ALL. I don’t feel safe to talk to her. I think sometimes it’s okay to ghost these so called therapists.

MIIGWECH 🙏🏽💜 Thank you for your teachings so greatly appreciated as 43 years of trauma even had therapist ask me how I smile due to my trauma 😭 I am sober and loving my best life thanks to ppl like you xo

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Ай бұрын

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I had one at 29, it was the first time, that told me the patterns, without any psychological protection or positive reinforcing, and it really destroyed my life, because I was very vulnerable and I thought I was damaged forever and left him but the evil had already been made. Now I know that he made my trauma worst, I lost my faith, and made bad decisions for my life, and self sabotate because I thought I was hopeless. Would be so different knowing what Anna tells about healing and I think I needed the most was faith and an education in healthy people, healthy behaviors and how to have boundaries because I was awful with that. So much pain and health problems were evitable. It's hard to swallow but past is past...

I don't think my therapist liked me and she seemed to have weird ideas about my mother. My sister saw her first, I have NO idea what my sister said to her, but she had my mother pegged ALL WRONG! In the end I suggested my mother come in with me. The day she met my mother she said oh you're all chatty now, so you're fine you don't need any more sessions! Like, my MOTHER is chatty! I still have issues! Actually my mother had her own issues, not the one's she thought she had though. I helped my mother with some of her issues, but my therapist thought we were all fine, end of session. My mother was my best friend and I think I was hers too, she didn't connect with people well, so I was always there to support her if she needed me. We got on well most of the time. Doesn't mean we didn't have problems, both of us and individually. sheesh! 20 years later, I still have issues. I did a lot of the work alone and now I'm helping my husband with his issues, he refuses to see a therapist. I told him I can't fix him, he needs to do the work. NA! I have to fix him pfff. I should charge him for my work LOL

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You're right you can't fix him! And neither could a therapist. It's truly an inside job but people, including therapists, can help when we're willing to accept help. -Cara@TeamFairy

I’ve always said to myself and close friends, I am too good at making things work, things that would have fallen apart a long time ago. Watching your video now I’ve learned “crap fit” 😂 that’s the perfect description.

Very. Helpful.!!! thanx!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear that!

Very valuable!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

My goodness I wish I had watched u 30 years ago. Totally on board with almost all of it. I have just moved on when I had a therapist who showed me that she was affected by my anger even when I said 'I feel angry because...' She stopped me when I said 'I feel that you don't want to listen to my anger' and I insisted and she insisted firmly and said 'who likes angry people'. First time anyone challenged me - all my therapists have liked me too much, I always felt safe with them. The worst one was advice to cut off my mother - fortunately I reconciled just before she died. However, I did a psychoanalysis for 9 years when the psychoanalyst said nothing. A la Freud. Now, I became an artist because of this exploration of unconscious but he didn't stop me from writing a catastropic letter which had serious consequences. Anyhow 6 months after the challenge I am now better. However just met a retired psychoanalyst who is still depressed and angry with his parents. So much for the atheism of Freud = which he has remained. I read a line of Plato the other day and everything fell into place......now on good terms with my family (by letter.....only) expressing love just in a card once a year is OK. As for the Narcissistic crap at moment is not based on love, but on judgment. You nudged me towards this by talking about anger. As for the lady's letter......'run like your life depended on it'

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you @lynne_ivison, for sharing some of the nuances (and funny moments) in your story of healing your life! I always enjoy your comments here.

Yeah 44 yrs ago I mustered up the courage to go to a shrink. After 2 months of tx I didn't feel it was helping me. I told him I wouldn't be back his answer, "please come back,you're my therapy." I ran out of that office,spiraling downward for years. I am successful person,who just happens to struggle now and than with flashback ptsd. I can never trust a professional again. But I sorta,kinda trust you. Thanks.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the trust, even a little is hard :)

All my therapists have put the responsibility on me to explain and fix my own issues and have just provided me venting space. When I don’t need to vent I need advice on how to heal.

Hi, I hope you see this. I've spoken to two therapist over past couple of years - one almost two years and other about 8 months mostly virtually due to quarantine. One of them from the very start through current time 8-months later is super casual and like i am paying to just chat and hang out. Everything is nice and civil interesting conversation but so off topic so random and all over the place conversations that have nothing to do with anything I intended when I signed up for sessions. And it is the therapist in this case who ends the session with the attitude of looking forward to hang out and chat with you next time so we can do this same random topic all over the place going no where but fun and interesting session all over again with you. You are totally right nobody talks about it. I couldn't find anything about it online. And when I tried to google topic about what about when your therapist redirects sessions with irrelevant questions and takes the client off topic the client had started speaking about I cant find anything on the topic at all. *In fact as you may expect the search result automatically flips subject around to "How to Redirect a Client who Has Gone Off Topic." The Assumption is that it is always the Client whom is going off topic and It is VERY FAULTY in some cases. ** I don't know why this therapist does this. Is it because they are just trying to get me to talk on a variety of topics to see how I think or maybe they want it to fun and easy and not exert much effort??? I did speak to them earlier in our session about 5 months ago that I would be interested in having more focus to our sessions and so forth. They claim to use CBT among other methods but I don't really see it. It's very loosey goosey. Sometimes I feel like I am more or less the therapist coach or teacher in our sessions. As It seems I am the one always attempting to tie things and themes between various tangents of questions and thoughts that they bring up together and am the one sharing insights and so forth. Which is not necessarily a bad thing if building a friendship with someone in everyday life however it is not therapy. My real issues are being absolutely ignored and non addressed. And after a session with my therapist I sometimes feel more distracted add/adhd like then before the session even if the talk was interesting. *And the other therapist I've spoken to in past two years is not quite as bad in that department but still really never tries to have any overall goals for our work together. At best it's a what do you want to talk about today? That is at best. And there is no attempt to link or remember or continue working on any particular issue from one session to the next unless I have to put in a lot of effort to remind this other therapist of details we discussed in previous session every single time. So after almost two years i feel very little progress has been made at least very little that can be attributed to the therapy. I really gave this two therapists a good run but I probably should end sessions soon. I tried to do my homework when choosing these two. They try to give you the impression that perhaps they can help you when you first speak to them but in the end it's a bust. I guess it's a step above therapist I saw many years prior while ago that use to leaving me feeling worst about my life and dwell on past after each session. However still it's frustrating and a waste of time, money and one's life .. opportunities lost to poor decisions so forth. What is it I need to do differently in finding a therapist that is really dedicated to using best practices and has the know how?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

I sympathize with you, finding a person who is up to date on CPTSD practices is hard. We have no therapists to recommend but glad you are here and working on healing. -Cara@TeamFairy

Anna. again on point! I am about to change therapist....i felt guilty, my fault even if it wasn't, sleepless year.....ENOUGH

Wow this is the best list of red flags I've found so far. Love this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed! -The Fairy Team

This episode helped SO much! Thank you. I've been feeling that I got immediately pigeon-holed in a hole I wasn't convinced was the right fit. I'm feeling the internal urge to move along. My question is: how detailed must my explanation be for stopping therapy with this woman? Or should I just call/cancel the upcoming session, say I've decided to take a break, and I'll reconnect when and if I want to restart?