Thank you, professor, for putting into words my distrust and distaste for the concept of “fake it til you make it.”

Negative emotions were frowned upon growing up in church. Turn the other cheek and pray for your bullies was the name of the game. Adult life hits hard when you have to enter the real world.

@thisatticdancer731

9 ай бұрын

😂 preach it, it would be a lot more funny if it was not so true

@thepragmatist

9 ай бұрын

100%

This is what I try to warn ppl about manifesting, “who revise” negative circumstances and they gaslight themselves

@Marie_Adams

Ай бұрын

This is why I am so against the teaching of "reframing thoughts", it's excessively invalidating & forces you to deny your reality & deny your full emotions for the sake of the comfort & convienance of others. It worries me that the concept has so infiltrated the world. Oftentimes it completely softens the extreme damage that someone has caused you, it lets them entirely off the hook & lifts all responsibilities off of them, Effectively communicating to you that it "wasn't really that bad" when in actuality, it was often horrendous.

Thanks Sam, for helping us tether ourselves to reality in a healthy way! ❤Was a well-meaning but deceived new ager for 25 yrs where toxic gratitude is pervasive. I see it in the church too. People think they can speak positively in order to bring things into existence just like God. It's EVERYWHERE🤮

@shibboleth111

9 ай бұрын

So true. Terrifying, as it so defies reality . I think too is the unspoken belief that if bad things have happened to another, it's because they were careless with their thoughts . I've seen this stated , discussed , so an ultimate blaming of victims.

I see this in myself and my family, society. I'm learning to be less judgemental with myself, it's also really tough at times, a lot. I have some severe mental health conditions and am autistic, late diagnosed, unemployed now but volunteer. I'm learning to be ok with myself and face my shame, guilt etc. As unpleasant and debilitating as it is at times, I would rather be honest with myself and others and embrace my shadow. Really got a lot from this talk. Thanks Prof Vaknin.

@shibboleth111

9 ай бұрын

You have a lot of courage . Thanks for sharing and the inspiration I felt reading what you shared. Thank you.

Thank you. I am gratefull...for people like you...may more people wake up to understand life this way.

What is life? Life is like a big obstacle In front of your optical to slow you down And every time you think you've gotten past it It's gonna come back around to tackle you to the damn ground What are friends? Friends are people that you think are your friends But they're really your enemies, with secret identities And disguises to hide their true colors So just when you think you're close enough to be brothers They wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin' What is money? Money is what makes a man act funny Money is the root of all evil Money'll make them same friends come back around Swearing that they was always down What is life? I'm tired of life -Eminem ❤

I suffer from Magical thinking. No one can save you on this Planet but you!

I have had my moments of being this way. I grew up in the black baptist church in the south( in the USA.) It's taught that complaining is going against what god has blessed you with. I definitely did a lot of bypassing when I should have spent more time evaluating aspects of my life with more depth. Thank you for this message Dr. V!

@shibboleth111

9 ай бұрын

" evaluating aspects of my life with more depth ". Brilliant words, thank you

I really needed to hear this today. I have been around a birth-giver who is narcissistic and has used toxic-positivity on me my whole life. A lot of other people in my environment have as well, and just recently (2 days ago) I have been the scapegoat of someone who is extremely toxic-positive. I just can't be in this kind of environment anymore and I really needed to hear that my "bad luck" is not self-inflicted or because I didn't try enough. It's just life sometimes.

Dear Sam Vaknin, Thank you for saying what needed to be said!!! They kill them with their love. It was a line in a movie. The Green Mile I think. Grew up in this sh.. show. Saw it destroy my nephew by my sibling and brother in law. It is sick to let your children take on your shame and delusional egotistical crap. Throwing under the bus. To these people anyone is fair game and assumed expendable. My parents refused to allow me to cry as a baby and put me on top of the refrigerator when I was still in diapers. Ignoring me and told all four siblings to do the same. I was not going to be let down to the safety of the floor until I stopped crying. They had other deplorable strategies that are too painful to write. Positivity and church should cure everything. That was. Their philosophy. Get over yourself and get with the program was the mantra. Key word here is PROGRAM.

Dr. Vaknin., Thank you so much for sharing your work with us. Every letter I've listened to has helped in the short time since I discovered your generous channel. This topic in particular is one I am thrilled to see . As the survivor of a violent assault , I've had so many tell me that I need to be " grateful " to be alive. " Just be grateful you are alive ", as if anyone can be in one emtion about anything. This toxic positivity cult are producing mental health crisis in many . So glad to have your articulations on the matter. Many Blessings for your kind thoughts of us. From Canada.

You always reveal groundbreaking insights

@Marie_Adams

Ай бұрын

What's scary is that most of it is common sense, But the world actively rejects common sense & absolute truth, often for the comfort & convenience of the guilty.

This is why Christianity is not a religion, though the world insists that it is. It does not paint the world as a "just and orderly place"...quite the opposite, in fact. Christ called out "religion" for what it was, and the world for what it was and will forever be in it's current dispensation. For a perfect description of narcissism and psychopathy in these final days, see 2 Timothy 3: 1-7.

@uk7769

9 ай бұрын

I thought Buddhism was the unreligion. If Christianity isn't a religion, what is it? So jesus is not a god? or is it still theistic but not religion? And which Christian branch or franchise gets jesus exactly right? Which is the correct one? (full disclosure: i don't believe in ANY of the imaginary friends humans call gods, deities, etc, and i am NOT an athiest.)

"You got this!" & "We've got this!" Ugh! I hate these phrases. No permission to express doubt or admit legitimate concerns. Any uncertainty is seen as unacceptable/weakness.

I agree Doctor! You explained not only a concept but an entire experience that I couldn't put it into words. So I must thank you. I'm really grateful to you for this lecture. I'm keeping this one for my records and for future reference.

This is a good video. Thank you.

as always... very interesting, but the fact that Gigabytes can be pronounced both ways - totally floored me.

Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin.

Thank you Prof. Sam Vaknin. You have been helping me heal and understand so much. There are still so many questions I have and pain I am actively coming to terms with. Thank you for sharing the knowledge.

Greetings Sam. I have been diagnosed with BPD. I definitely have borderline features (and narcissistic and schizoid features)just not so sure I am fully BPD. So your prolific postings have helped me immensely to understand the "murky" layers of personality disorders. One thing that stands out for me is when you said that people are objects in the narcissist's mind. One time I walked away from my mother (who has narcissistic features) for six years. I said something about her she didn't like and I might as well have tried to kill her for the level of vindictiveness I experienced from her. When I did have contact with her again she was mentally right where I left her six years previously, still vindictive. As though we weren't two individuals who had just lived six years of our lives. I told a therapist it was like I was an object in my mothers mind. So listening to you confirmed that for me. And that I am not an empath, lol. Anyway Thank You. So please don't think I am not grateful when I say I am disappointed that you seem to have abandoned your dictionary. When you announced you would be doing a dictionary I was so excited, like a kid at Christmas. Still eagerly awaiting the letter C. 😀

@marysmith801

9 ай бұрын

And I just want to add that your videos are a feast for someone with a keen interest in psychology so the dictionary was a nice snack. But if you don't do it I guess I will just have to read my dictionary of psychology.😁

If a child was ignored during 0 to 36 months or the mother refused to allow the child to separate and individuate could anything be done after 36moths? Could you give examples of what schemas to use? how could you tell separation individuation had failled? what would you look out for and at what age?

@Goratek

9 ай бұрын

Would be interested in this too! Following

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

If the child did not end up becoming a narcissist, it can accomplish separation-individuation in therapy.

I gained 150lbs, it helped me kick a 20 year alcohol addiction, and I have never felt more alone than I have being sober. What's sad is the kind of people that have zero will power, no self control or self identity do this drug then walk around acting like a crackhead... When I did get high I was able to totally remodel to homes, now Im lucky if I can bring myself to brush my teeth more than once a week. Though I haven't left my house in two weeks... addiction doesn't change a person, it brings out the true version of yourself... Sad alot of addicts are deep down a POS.

This is such a quality information. Thank you for your dedication on your misson to improve human experience of people

Would you share you reading your poetry again ever? There was a really powerful one you uploaded a couple of years ago but it's nowhere to be found. Maybe it was too close to the bone.

Hi Sam, Thank you for the great knowledge you share. Just wondering why a narcissist murmurs? Is that a way of seeking narcissitic supply?

☀️ You switche the lights on Sam..

Pr. Vaknin, thank you!

No way! I just finished The Memory Police today!! Great book. Love your work Sam! Great name!

I enjoy watching your slots very informative brilliant mind keep them coming and thank you for insight into self gaslighting really interesting

Definitely interested in reading up on toxic gratitude.I have been guilty of the -it’s better than nothing be grateful for what you have,when it’s not serving me well in life. Toxic positivity,no definitely not but I was glued to this video and want to learn more about both.

Yup. Nailed it, Sam. Thank you.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could do a video describing the locus of control and attribution in the Narcissist, the Borderline, and the Codependent. Additionally, I have just learned of the term “ego boundary functions” from another one of your videos, and I would really like to learn more about it as it pertains to the codependent raised with a Borderline and/or Narcissist mother. Thank you so much for all the work that you do.

Very valuable summary, thank you so much ❤

The agreeables

Thank you, I needed to hear this. Coincidently I was busy on a draft for an article on self-gaslighting. I question though religion being about only seeing the good. There are some believers who reject this positivity and preach self protection against a narcisstic society. Their warnings can be difficult to listen to as it can lead to paranoia. Theres a balance, no?

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

No. Paranoid ideation and conspiracy theories are forms of toxic negativity.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! I thought i was the only one crazy! i once told my sister of my dads emotionla abuse and my mum using a knife to hurt me just because her husband accused her of adultery! but she brushed it off with her fake hug saying that there are girls in worse situations and to be grateful! If kept everything inside then they would question that it was my fault for not telling! I cant even tell my friends just because my mother has a good name in society and no one will believe me! I encouraged her to divorce that man but she said he atleast does not drink or smoke! my sister who marreid an amercian and is so called modern said that you need to depend on him for money! and shes an aspiring human rights lawyer! They called me neagtive for demanding a divorce but i was being practical and told her it is possible since she already has a business and many good men like my mum. Its been 7 seven years and he still torments her! Im accpeting trolling comments on me and thats fine! cannot control the internet but i feel good sharing this. hopefully i can share this in person to someone who is genuine to me! Thank you for sharing this and giving this opportunity to express!

Sam, its so wonderful that you brought up the book 'the memory police' I bought it 3years ago. I found it relevant and interesting , the unexplained vanishings of things held dear. How strange the comparison it is now. still deeply enjoying your vids.

Your videos are so informative. Thank you. I also should mention that the books you mention in them are great. Maybe one day could list them. I have read many of these unpopular books because of your chanel. Thank you again.

Thank you!

Brilliant as always x

If the victim moves away from the snapshot in narcissist's mind, can the "moving away" be positive? If her looks and life become better than the snapshot, does that also cause anxiety leading to devaluation?

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

Yes.

Profound words in this one

Hallo prof. Vaknin☺️ I have been watching some of your videos, I like the way you explain things. I was wondering about narcissism, malignant jealousy, rivalry, sexual harasment, etc. I think we all know or have met a narcisist with malignant jealousy, but how can we deal with it if the person is a coworker or a boss? Could you do a video on this topic?

Thank you 🩵

Thank you! I am watching your videos regularly. Even when I cannot sleep. Please tell me that I am still sane. :D

How do i know if I’m a narcissist that’s too far gone or if I’m a victim of narcissistic abuse and there’s hope?

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

You get diagnosed by a professional.

@HSBsoulsurfer

9 ай бұрын

Do you hurt people?

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

@@HSBsoulsurfer Narcissists hurt people, but often unintentionally, as a byproduct of other processes, like the shared fantasy.

@uk7769

9 ай бұрын

would a narcissist even ask or be concerned they might be a narcissist?

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

@@uk7769 Yes. Many would. More curious and even proud than concerned.

9:24 central. Hi. How would you expect a narcissist to be with dementia with Lewy Bodies? Thank you Linda

I m listening now. As I go I want to comment so I don’t forget. I m just listening to the beginning. I feel it’s possible to touch upon the fact that many must question themselves. We see the world as we are and need to learn to have an objective view and not a subjective view. Very often people are delusional and should question themselves. So no it’s not always self gaslighting. What you speak on is repression. Two sides of a coin must be in play. There is what we repress because the conscious mind relegates to the subconscious anything it finds unacceptable ( denial ). And there’s what is just as common. Projection and delusion. Talking about both sides I assume you will be speaking on in this video as we go. There’s much I wanted to touch upon as well when it comes to calling out narcissistic traits in others which happens more with those carrying the narc trait than those who don’t.. I ll send an audio in messenger today. Maybe you get it maybe you have no interest but the additions might be seen as musing. Or not. Whatever you re comfortable with.

❤dear Professor If I may ask, please... What can the incread social skills (actually from under 0 up to 100 points on the scale) after at least low dose of alcohol indicate? I would consider myself schizoid besides the time when after a little...I hate being much than a little influenced however. Only the accurate for socialising and lack of fear dose.

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

Look up disinhibition and also alcohol myopia.

@mec.laurapalmer7155

9 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin Thank you, Professor. Your value is out of reach.

Mr. Sam! How do you pronounce "gif"?? We need to know!

@samvaknin

9 ай бұрын

Google “gif pronunciation”

That is what happening in Russia with my people when they hear about war crimes of the russian army. They all say the same phrase: "We don't know the whole truth".

I seriously wonder if the massive rise in toxic positivity is due to over reliance on SSRI medication.