Click on links below: smear campaign rebutted + my work, credentials in psychology.
Sam Vaknin has a PhD in Physics (not a clinician). Former Visiting Professor of Psychology, Southern Federal University, Rostov-on-Don, Russia. Faculty member, CIAPS (UK, Canada, Nigeria). Former economic advisor to governments, multinationals. Founder Healthcare Committee, Macedonia. Columnist, editor.
Narcissist or Psychopath in your life? Subject to abuse, heartbreak, dysfunctional relationships, violence, intimidation, stalking, or harassment? This is the channel for you: insider info, evidence-based tips, and time-tested advice. Based on the bible of narcissism: "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin (now in its 10th edition.)
Resume/bio: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/cv.html
Tik-Tok www.tiktok.com/@narcissismwithvaknin?lang=en
Twitter twitter.com/samvaknin
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I identify SOOO MUCH with the covert borderline. It is such a pain in the ass to live like this. My boyfriend is a covert narc. He is expressionless and obsessed with work. He never speaks to me if not to ask for something. He is vindictive from time to time if he feels like I am criticizing. He isn't that bad. He does try to implement the healthier behaviors that I try to teach and model for him. I just can NOT continue like this anymore. I have been trying to emotionally carry not only myself, but him too. He, naturally, has no clue how to understand half of what I am trying to explain to him. I feel like I just need to contrive a metaphor that is relatable to him and use the correct string of words, that he will understand. He understands bank account and money metaphors. However, he admittedly has very little empathy. It is as if he speaks a totally different language than mine. He has made some kind of improvement over the last 7 years, but I have lost myself completely. I know the exact moment when I lost touch with myself. It was about a month ago. I had just hit one year sober off heroin, and on my one year sober anniversary, my entire support group/ friends decided to stop talking to me for seemingly no reason. My boyfriend is unfeeling and emotionally distant. I have all of these new expectations that are being placed on me since I got sober. I'm being forced to perform perfectly in society all of the sudden, but I have been on drugs forever, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do it, and the government doesn't care. I need help. I am trying so SO SOOO much to be a better person a good mother for my 4 boys, and a good girlkfriend to my man. I am just irritable, and full of absolute sorrow. They won't care that I am floundering and just trying to not get high, because all they see is that I am perpetually late to community service. I can barely remember to eat and drink. I feel like I am dreaming, not real. I am alone, and I feel unreachable...
Thank you prof. Vaknin for your excellent explaining the nature of narcissism 👍
My mother had a little girl voice, she would be playful and whimsical, shout along with TV cartoons, referred to my father as the daddy she never had. Otherwise she was controlling and dynamite.
So it all goes back to people see you through there own thoughts/ways/perceptions.
Love your accent I bomb love it.
Thanks for bringing this up. After going through so much research, id felt robbed of the whole lovebombing introduction i kept hearing about so much.
Wow! powerful stuff! Thank you. That is the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do. I just fell in love with you in a cyber way lol ❤
So Lidija is still "your Gretel" or "your mother" or did the circel went further and you already kicked her out of your life and you dont hoover her back cause she is too strong ? So how can be that ? That you are still together or even why are you together if you can't love nobody and she knows it ? Why if she knows how bad you are would she be married with you when youself say all this bad things about you ? Where is the logic ?
תודה רבה על כל ההרצאות. אתה עוזר ומסייע מעל ומעבר. השם ישמור אותך
is it bad that i feel bad for them. because i know that they were traumatized as a child but i know that they chose to hurt others.. i wish there was a way where they could not be a narcissist.
I believe that bpd is about severe drive to protect ego from rejection and perception of potential threat of it. So the goal is to get assurance, reassurance and validate ego in that regard. That may sound simple but it isnt in practice.
WTHHHH he’d always talk to me with his “baby” voice but i thought it was normal. ITS NOT NORMAL ???? hello.
What if everything matches but she is utterly egoistic and sees her partner as a sub human, often criticizing his character although he is totally loyal in the relationship!!!
Your videos hit me somewhere deep inside and they cause me to fall apart into fragments. And then the realisation/lesson needs to be incorporated before I can assemble all the fragments back together in a new way... Discombobulating and shattering experience... I start watching a video, pause, process (for hours/days), come back, resume, pause again, process again... Over and over again until I finally reach the end of the video and question my life choices (including watching the video)... Thank you. I guess... Seems to be necessary...
Fascinating - expiation.
It is so nice to hear an honest explanation of wtf has been pointed at me for the last 18 years. Things made absolutely no sense as far as the interactions with my wife until I have seriously researched this behavior. Now all the parts finally fit together correctly. I really think if I hadn't spent so much effort earlier in my life understanding myself and having a stable sense of self, I would have been pushed to suicide by now.
i don´t speak english, sorry for my bad for of write. my ex "chongo" in argentina is a narcissist. i love him trough everything but i choose let him go, he was so much toxic and his agression was intolerable. i discovered your videos and i only thank god for it. Professor Sam Vaknin you´re a monstruo in the good sense, thank youuuu
Excellent! 🎉 Thank you for this. 🧐
Why would you want to provoke in the first place?
I've noticed this since I was a kid I never could understand why they could never come out and say what they wanted what they needed or what they meant it always was a manipulated conversation with some other support system
How are you supposed to cope knowing this?
Your definition of schizoid being indecipherable, a person that cannot be decode, really hits me. I feel I'm a mystery to myself and to others. My best friend, the person who I most shared intimate inf about me, once said to me that sometimes he feel like I'm a stranger, like he doesn't know who I am. This is so fuckin' depressive.
My sister in law looks for information to use to criticise us behind our backs so she can manipulate her position and how she looks to other family, friends and community! Are we getting a pool, who wanted the pool and who didn’t, what furniture are you buying and why, and on and on. Then will bad mouth me and when people meet me they come with that judgement. Quite horrible to me while no one is looking, like not answering me, ringing me to tell me what’s wrong with me, and then tells me I’m too sensitive… put up with it for about 18yrs…. We finally said no more, no contact … been together 27yrs now, she has just contacted our daughter loved bombed her had her up to stay asked her to move in with her and wants her to come on holidays…. We got a 2 hr visit at the end of daughters week long stay as if to say you don’t matter! We give up! 🤷🏼♀️ We didn’t react… acted like it didn’t bother us… what ever will be will be.. but it is like watching evil at work!
I wonder about the kids with extreme loneliness who don't have internet access. Rather than peers, they would have some sort of family and themselves. Family can't fill that peer group friend niche. This makes me wonder if their internal "parts" of their mind/parts of themselves become the peer group out of necessity. In this context, they'd become their own "best" friend, for lack of a better descriptor. A self-contained echo chamber of sorts. And since an individual can't actually be a peer group, pathology develops further.
Its like a Sandbank in a river 😂 more atract more and the river cant flow😂 nature is moving like money .... Sand in water is like money in society 😂❤
I can't watch this right now. Im shaking and my heartbeat increased just from watching. I dont know what to do.
your lectures are always enlightening, thank you.
After listening to this, I'm feeling weird and I get the sensation that we common uneducated people are completely oblivious to reality. Our perception of reality doesn't match the latent processes that moves us - it's very much like the movie matrix, where reality is completely fake. I suffer quite a bit, I hate myself and I sometimes feel this moral superiority, but it's fake too. I try to find any reason why I would be better than my peers and theres nothing there.
Stupidity is like a forest fire or a virus. Once it begins burning, it can spread so quickly and uncontrollably.
He is NOT a narcissist
jesus sad...get like the kids...the kids are the deweller in the kingdom of heaven...tricky, i gues
Good lesson
This was a really helpful video for distinguishing between the two. Thank you!
They are creepy children.
Sir, I have feared that I am the monster narcissist you often describe in your videos. After watching this video, I am convinced. Let me explain. 3 years ago, both of my adult children estranged me. I was crushed. Grief hit me so hard that I could not function for almost 1 full year. I could not work. I could not care for myself. My roommates literally brought food and drink to my room. Physically carried me to the shower and washed me once a week at least. I was a mess. Gradually, I came out of that state and began efforts to start a new life without my children. It was going slow, but I was making progress when suddenly I began having these crazy rage events. It was totally out of character for me. When it was happening, I felt like I was standing outside my body watching the yelling and screaming or the non-stop texting rageful garbage, but I could do nothing to stop the events. Sometimes, these events could last hours and hours. I attacked family members, friends, and perfect strangers out in public. I got a therapist and went to my primary care physician. Through work done with my therapist, I was able to revisit the traumatic events from my childhood. As I processed this stuff, the rages slowed and just recently appeared to have stopped all together. As part of my therapy, I had been journally the memories from my past. As I read back through them, an idea for a new book came upon me. A fictional story that would include abuse similar to that which I had been subjected to as a very young child. Sensationalized for entertainment value. I began writing this story after creating a rough outline of the story I wanted to tell. As I finished each chapter, I emailed it to my editor. I had just started chapter 8 when I received a call from my editor. She was concerned about an email she'd received from me. She thought maybe I had sent a brainstorming file to her by accident instead of my next chapter. I had no idea what she was talking about. Until I read the email in question. It was a raging, horrible ranting in one non-stop paragraph. Little punctuation. Misspelled words. It was a tirade at my son for the pain he had caused me when he cut me out of his life. At first, I did not recognize the email, but as I read the memory of writing, it resurfaced. It described a terrible plan to destroy my son. Your video describes a lot of what I've been struggling with. Can a person be a narcissist not knowing it for years? Then, suddenly, become self-aware of it but have no control to stop any of it? What is this borderline you speak of? I'm actually scared, sir. I can't figure out what is happening to me and I'm grasping at everything I hear that sounds the same as my behaviors. I don't think I would ever act out against my son to hurt him in any way. If I didn't remember writing those pages of rage or sending it to my editor who knows what I'm capable of. I'm seeking answers in the world of mental illness because it just sounds so off to me. What else could it be?
great job as always! i have attempted to make the same argument but with economic law of diminishing returns in the past amongst "antinatalists". in the end it is precisely this and probability that make logical to end procreative self corruption. without logic, we humans will continue the brutish existence of ignorance. thank you
People you want to spend the rest of your life with…… that was good
Ok I like your lesson. Thanks
Have you gone through the Cold Therapy that you developed?
It’s like ‘Chucky’ in that movie.
I feel very sorry for my ex girlfriend who is a covert narcissist. It breaks my heart that she went through so much abuse and trauma as a child. She told me about her narcissistic mother and what she did to her and how her mother was jealous of her father’s relationship with her and stopped the father being close with her. I was abused by my girlfriend but I don’t hate her I just can’t ever go back to her because of what she is capable of doing to me. I hope that one day with modern science they find a cure or something to help the narcissist. 🙏🏻
What does the "shared fantasy" typically look like?
I like how power packd your lessons are. Yes you're helpful. Thanks
Y apt and much needed advice! Thank you! ❤
Professor Sam, thank you for sharing this talk. 🙏
My ex husband loved sci-fi shows. Once he told me he liked a particular one because it was all about science. No relationships on the show. Now I can see why he liked them.
You talk with such dark poetry.
Children love their mothers regardless. Wow, this is very interesting and extremely deep. I do believe that these toxic men hate the feminine figure, I have been at the end of it, with my father, he cut all my hair, it felt like he was afraid of my female form as he told me nearly everyday, my ex husband was the same, I said to him one day, "you hate women" he didn't deny it infact he said "but we need them" I said "what a dilemma that is for you", he gave me a dead stair. It felt like my father despised me, every girly thing I did or said or even looked like he had to destroy it and make me feel ashamed of being a female.
Allow me to posit this contention profeesor ; in a previous video in which you handled the subject of pain and suffering ; you said that they're the most important ; if not the only , engins of growth and self developement and that we should actually aspire to be in situations that allows us to be in direct contact with the painful reality ; it allows us to experience mortification and according to you it's the only time we get to shed the many layers of protective disguise and look inwards into our true selves , hopefully to change for the better ; and that without pain and hurt there would be no introspection and thus no learning ; no real learing But now ; the statements you made in this video contradict everything you said before ; i hope i'm wrong .
I read along time ago of parenting style's this sound's like the parenting style let the baby cry. Cry until he/she stops, 1950 style's. The baby boomer babies were rejected a bit, too. I forgot what the styles were called. I think it was to let the mother work, not sure.