“Inability to give and compulsion to take” -Narcissist That sums it up for me

"They have no memory. You have no 'credit' with the Narcissist or Psychopath for your past performance." This hit home. They don't see you. They don't even see all the good things you did for them in the past. They only see what you can do for them now (or perhaps mistakes you made 15 years prior which they'll never let you forget).

Is this why my ex narcissist "loved me" by buying things? I would say "Thank you for ..." I really want your time and presence with me and he would constantly have an excuse not to be present. Instead he would buy things and leave somewhere. Usually out of town for some excuse.

@marilynrosario228

11 ай бұрын

Yes, showing love by buying expensive presents & sending bouquets of roses to my job (for special occasions). He would ask me what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas, and I'd tell him the same.... just to spend time with him... or his favorite, I'm sure... for you to be faithful to me. 😢

I remember asking my narcissist..."Why do you love me?". His answer was always..."I don't know. I just do." He could never give me an answer. Just another set of red flags, ignored. He couldn't describe it because he doesn't, didn't, and won't ever experience love. 😢

@Mechagen

11 ай бұрын

As our Professor Dr Vaknin describes, with the sun and earth analogy, love doesn't need a reason and is a feeling beyond description. let us be careful not to assume because a person cannot describe love that they do not feel it. Loves shows in actions, love is something we feel and do, someone being able to verbalize why someone admires you is not an explanation of love. love doesn't require reasons just like the sun needs no reason to shine on earth 'unconditionally'. I would not ask someone WHY they love you because if they have a reason, it's not love it's utility. if they do love you you'll see it in their behavior towards you and it's beyond words. we should carefully consider what brings us to want to hear the 'why' of something indescribably devotional and deep, as if it's a list or configuration of discernable attributes that can be commoditized.

@Mechagen

11 ай бұрын

@@SP-qi8ur at the start of Vaknin's video he described that analogy

@Bubble-hw5pm

11 ай бұрын

I asked mine too.. he said “because i like the way you love me”

@mimi42428

11 ай бұрын

Mine could only name the things I did for him. It was never you are caring, loving, intelligent, talented, a good person, anything specific about me as a person. It was like I was an appliance. I like how you cook for me, clean, take care of me blah blah blah. It was never anything that he did for me because he did nothing for me. The things he tried to attribute to doing for me was the bare minimum an adult does in their lives. He tried to act like going to work was for me smdh. Lol he would have to go to work whether he was with me or not. So going to work was not for me. But he convinced himself that him going to work was doing me a favour. It's madening. While I worked and did everything else. He wanted a medal for getting up and doing below bare minimum everyday. And how dare I not think he's so amazing for not even being able to function as an adult

@kimberlymorrison4880

11 ай бұрын

l got the same question. I listed the reasons, He could never tell me in return. He said, " because you love me" entitlement.

Truer words have rarely been spoken...

Sam used a mining metaphor. When the narc first secured my attention and availability he said Paydirt!"

This is so true! My divorce was recently finalized. He was always greedy and entitled. Thankful I got out and cut my losses when I did. Otherwise, he would have left me as an old woman with nothing.

@helenaroman1543

10 ай бұрын

Glad you're okay. A narcissist once told me I should work for free + sell everything I own and give it all to her charity otherwise I am a bad person.

@clarecatherine1488

9 ай бұрын

❤️‍🔥🙌

Good morning Prof. Vaknin. You with others enlightened me. Now I understand my last 20 years! No longer a victim but a volunteer.

it's as if the cycles that mystified me regarding the narcissist are cluttered in the back of my memories, & here they are explained.

Proper attribution is a form of logic called truth. Dr. Vaknin's work, knowledge, and insights that he gives freely on this channel are invaluable to myself and my therapy clients. Thank you.

Again spot on. I finished last year the marrisge with the narcissist I met in India. He was much younger ans used my love to be a bridge to Europe, for a visum. I lived 8 terrible years with him alwsys with arguments about money. I now want to annul the marriage with the court if I succeed. I hope the judge will understand my story of being brainwashed and used by him because I was afraid that he would leave me.

One just wonders... What an empty life this must be for a narcissist...?

Hello everyone ! 🌺

Taker, User Narc Feels Loved vid.... Why do narcs/psychopaths exploit? Such interesting topics, Sam. Love watching and listening to you. I think you have a deeper understanding of the disease and help a lot of people become aware of what the hell is going on in the minds of these toxic people. Edit: What happens to the memories of these people?

Omg . I think i am the most co-dependent person on earth 🤦‍♀️ God help me ! Because i feel i can't . 😢

This is fascinating, interesting and very valuable information. Thank you Professor Vaknin!

Bone chilling brilliance Sam.

I didn't feel that I deserve Love . Thank you so much for the knowledge which is helping me Love myself.

Excelent video and very clarifying!! 👏

✨Shalom✨

From your Romanian audience, Salutări! 👋

Greetings from Germany Sam:) Guten Tag.

Brilliant.

Aleikom salam Sam. Moroccan here watching!

@samvaknin

11 ай бұрын

My father is Moroccan.

@user-zu5uj7jf8i

11 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin I know your father is Moroccan and mother is Turkish. I been following you for a longtime. I hope you do still visit Morocco sometimes. Marrakech is Magical. Take care!

Greetings from India. Thanks.

Really needed to hear this today! Excellent topic! Thank you! 🙂

To the Bulgarian listeners - Zdraveite! ❤

Thank you Prof Vaknin....Love listening to you..

Thank you, SamVaknin, again. So true!!

You are a true blessing 😇

Wow, Sam thank you so much for this vid. I have seen this in my life. Thank you. Bless.

My wealthy ex boyfriend expected me to take him on expensive holidays and never invited me. He said he loved me but could not describe me or why. Just like other commenter here

Дякую, цікаво, слухаю в перекладі 😶‍🌫

Dear Professor Sam Vaknin Thank you so much for the knowledge information. ❤

I’ve been going gray rock, trying to eliminate any and all facial micro expressions in his presence. For the past year he has made several attempts to test the waters since I put my boundaries up. He became visibly upset when I pulled back my energy back. He looks at me as he is leaving the room, I think it’s to try and read my body language and facial expressions. The biggest change is his behavior around me; he is now mirroring my new behavior . Will he ever up?

Salam to our jewish friend!

Def takers😮

BINGO 🎯💔

Sam❤

Aleykum Assalam Professor

Sir, is the symbol of Russian Doll in any way , form or shape related to narcissism?

I got away from N / P and two years later he visits kids and said ..." you don't like me". He's like you were acting normal just so you could be super mean to me. I'm like what do I say.

Professor, a question if I may. This essentially applies to the borderline too right?

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

No. Only if s/he is comorbid (BPD with narcissism or with psychopathy).

I asked my soon to be ex husband why did he love me. He said because of the sex.

Please can you talk about schizotypal personality disorder? There isn't enough that I can find about this. I have it and all the research I've seen says people don't form relationships or socialize or have any sexual inclination at all, but this is not exactly true as I experience it. What I've experienced in trying to socialize is that I can as long as I become a chameleon, although this exhausts me pretty quickly and then I have to go away from people again. But this is more a borderline trait isn't it? I think I become more borderline if I'm around people too much. So I'm confused. Can there be overlaps or similarities with other personality disorders in this way?

@samvaknin

11 ай бұрын

Search the channel for “schizo”

سلام عليكم

Does this apply to borderlines also?

@samvaknin

11 ай бұрын

No.

I would think that this is too much, that you are exagerating a bit.. If i hadn't witness it myself. My ex insisted for 7 years that i quit my job and move to his town to start a bussines together, , so i did 😅 He left me within 4 months. Forrunatedly i'm not stupid and had my own money working separatedly

@crisbarrett2279

11 ай бұрын

He was crazy in love with me.. Yeah right, me being the cinical that i am, i was enjoying the good and prepared for the worse. Thanks for playing you MF

Aleykum asalam:)