I think thats why it's so confusing to be with a narcissist. It feels that they are being honest even when they are lying, reframing, or confabulating, and as you point out, that's because they have essentially deceived themselves first. And we feel that this person is so intelligent, perceptive and open, how can there be something wrong with their mind....? Narcissism is a deeply disturbing phenomenon, once truly apprehended.

Amazing video. Once I detached myself I got the impression that their gaslighting wasn't just to convince me I was crazy/abusive/worthless, but rather, to convince themself: to erase all evidence of reality that conflicted with their idea of how things should be. I'm so glad you confirmed this, your explanations make narcissists make sense in a way nobody else's can

@lorishu48103

8 ай бұрын

Great insight

Thanks Sam. Yes, dumbed it down nicely. But, as you say, best thing is no contact, get out of the situation totally. 😊

Excellent as ever, thank you Professor. I read a biography of Patrick Hamilton, novelist and playwright, the author of ‘Gaslight’ and it was interesting to learn that he was the only son of highly narcissistic parents. He struggled with relationships, drank heavily and died in his 50s from the effects of alcoholism. Many of his novels include narcissists of both sexes and his play ‘Rope’ was based on the Leopold & Loeb case.

I just love your channel. It helps me so much in coming to terms with what happened to me with my ex. Surprisingly, it also allows me to have mercy for my narcissist, despite the fact that I've come to understand that from his point of view, I am (or was) merely a source of narcissistic supply. Your explanation of the pathology validates my own experience, which is such a relief. I was not imagining it, I was not asking for it, and my perpetrator is really a tragic figure, virtually doomed to a parasitic loveless existence. Thank you thank you thank you for bringing awareness to me, to the public, and to victims everywhere.

Thank you as always for teaching me something new with a fresh perspective that only comes from your very specific and intelligent viewpoint.

What a nightmare I have been able to see since my moth(er) passed at 96: Both she and my husband gaslit, or so I thought. I can see the difference clearly in these 2. This info is very disrupting. I took a long break to digest and I very much wish this all didn’t make perfect sense.

Another great video. I have been watching you for about 12 years when I first realized I was experiencing parental alienation. (I wish you would explore that more). Anyway, it occurred to me this morning that... you do not age!!!! Keep up the great work. Thank you.

The narcissist I knew would change her story so many times I thought it must be gaslighting. She did seem to have memory problems, though.

@ValerieSEllis

8 ай бұрын

Yes! But they completely believe the version they are espousing at the time. They're only reality is the one they are in at the moment. It's maddening, but not a deliberate choice on their part. And that's what the good professor has helped me to understand.

@angeliquedemeijere5980

8 ай бұрын

​@@penijoni1316it's probably both; narc and psychopathy. But who knows maybe schizoïde it's onky for a team of psychiatrist/psychologists to diagnose. What is important is to know they do it and have very little contact. No emotional expectations or intimacy. Stay safe. You child needs to learn her family members has a different psychology which is not safe for children and young ones and adult with no psychological boundaries. We need first to know who we are. In connection with our Self and have these strong boundaries of our internal psychological system. For this it is nessecary to stay healthy connected to your young child. To teach this and midel your connection to your psyche/soul essence Self. Look up IFS

@philliplouie7759

8 ай бұрын

@@penijoni1316 In a nutshell, I think you could go with the characterization in the video description, "Psychopath’s gaslighting and narcissist’s confabulation are experienced the same way by victims. But gaslighting requires premeditation and intact reality testing, so only psychopaths gaslight. Narcissists truly believe their own fantasies and confabulations: they self-gaslight."

Congratulations Sam! Wonderful information wil reach even more people. You kick ass.❤

Congratulations 🎉🍾 on your fabulous 📕 book Professor Sam Vaknin. Thank you so much for these informative videos and that cute chuckle 🤭 of yours melts me every time 🥰.

Thanks for the video! Youngest son of an alcoholic household. Everyone gassed themselves to no end, me especially my brother and my father and I had the same friends for a very long time. Of course I have also taken on a lot and am trying to learn to create a new relationship with my own narcissism. I am just trying to save what can be saved in my life. Quite often, actually regularly, I gaslight myself. Sometimes I can't concentrate on anything and the discussions with old objects don't stop. It is even physiologically a strenuous and very painful affair. Does anyone have experience with this and how to get rid of it? Thank you

Now that I understand narcissism, I'm recognizing narcissistic protagonists in movies: Gaslight, A Face in the Crowd, Nightmare Alley. These movies have it all! Love bombing, gaslighting, discard, anger, complete self-concern, fear of exposure, and (ultimately) emptiness. And I love these movies! Perhaps it's because I'm so receptive to the abuse?

Best ever - well defined! Most Helpful - explanation of my experience during my life with a brilliant NPD husband! Many Thanks! You are the best at clarifying these realities!

Good for you Dr! Congratulations

Thank you, you are the only place I can understand the psychopath abuse, as yes it is different

Thank you for the video! Also, I like how the number of subscribers is growing. You deserve it!

My mather is gaslighting my father is a narc. You just made sense to me.

It makes sense that gaslighting is a form of dissociation! Ah-ha moment for me!

Thank you! 🙂 This video was very enlightening. Amazing. You describe very well the both theoretical, and in practise, the differences. I do remberr, the realityloss, that was absoltley gruesome, and he problem was, as you explain, i was my reality that changed (disseapered), and it was a horrible, scary feeling, all consuming. I do remember to, that the person that liked me to loose my reality, also fed me back another reality, that was to mine, to the core, i wasnt to doubt it, «teached» me how it really was. That was scary too, either he was scary and used accusations and threat, or if he apoerad more as a socialworker or a guru. The point is that i belived in him, not in me, and in really basic things, like my own health, my own senses and basic memory, and even my values that i hold dear. It is still frigtening that I actually went along to sort of change my insides. It makes me wonder if someone or something could do that again. I am not usually very easy to either manipulate or brainwash, and i do think my own thoughts and take responsibilty for my own beeing and feelings and are able to regulator fine in most circumstances. I feel healed up and done with the whole experience, but i did use some years, and are still, on occasion, wondering what parts of my psychology he saw, and managed to screw so loose and why i went off beeing that amount of crazy! 😳 Its not a pleasent thought! I have went over, to try to fix any leakes, but i can obviosly never be totally sure that nobody could ever gaslight me like that again. But its not something I am going around beeing all worried for any more. It was extreme, but it was also kind of an extreme moment in time in wich we met, I was hurt and i was needy, and i didnt see anything that was coming, eventhoug looking back noe, i defintly wood. I have also been taking in lots of knowlegde and wise words! By listening to you, as my faovorite teacher on the subject, and also buying and loving your book! 🙂⭐️👍🏻 I guess, if you like, that you could count me in of one of the, at the time, really lost souls, your wisdom and knowhow has cured and healed! 🙂 Thank you so much!! 🙂❤️⭐️‼️👍🏻 I do still like to listen to your videos, but now its more cause its very interseting to learn in general. And you are still the best to learn from! All the best from Anlaug in Norway.

I love you ,man ! I don't care how this look a like ,but i do love you! And i am glad for your succes,with everything you do.Your work is fenomenal,and i thank you for just be here with us for us ,those people who are helped by you and your dedication and courage to deal with all kind of haters and envy people,maybe dayly,just to be here for us.We need you ,i need you,and your work helped me a lot ,thats why i love you.And i am glad for you.Congratulations.

Brilliant This explains so clearly the difference between psychotic gas lighting and narcissistic confabulation entrainment I love you for putting it out there in a very short video Bravo 🎉

'The narcissist gaslights himself!' Let me say something for him that he never will 'OUCH!' And you're welcome! But it truly makes surreal sense sadly....kafkaesque is putting it mildly! Bravo Prof. Sam.

Congratulations!

I am proud of you Prof. Well done.Thank you.

Very interesting! Thank you for theses precious informations!

Congratulations on your Mongilian publication. 😊

Love your attitude❤ & chuckle

Law of Assumption communities don't realize this is exactly what they are doing

Impresionante video es usted un genio

Congratulations on your book reaching and helping the people of Mongolia! You're so happy 😊

Thank you. This has been so helpful and perfectly explained.

Totally agree, excellent perfect explanation… massive aha… makes incredible sense… thank you ❤

Professor Vaknin, I have just received you book, Malignant Self'love 10 edition. What a big book❤

@samvaknin

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for your business. If you find it useful, please post a review on the Amazon page of the book.

Thank you Sam. Always an amazing post.much appreciated.

Behavioural gaslighting. That is why it is hard for others to see the gaslighting being done by the narcissist. They condition their vitim supply with behavioural cues. Then the public does not see the coercion and turn to blame the unwitting victim for being too sensitive. Its a lock for the narc, who is then aided by the reinforcement of flying monkeys operating off of erroneous information strategically given by the narc.

Congratulations 🎊 it’s a great book!

Great explanation. And congratulations, you rock Professor!

Brilliant session

Thank you for your educational videos.

Congrats professor 🎉

❤ thanks for the video,

I was expecting a video where Gaslighting regarding hiding objects, misplacing them and those kind of sick behaviors were discussed. In my case, I think that type of abuse has destroyed my mind the most. Is it a behavior more common in narcissists or in psychopaths? There are very few KZread videos talking about this, interesting taking into account that the term Gaslighting comes from a movie where that behavior is repeatedly shown. Could you please make a video about this topic? Maybe I'm wrong but I've watched tons of your videos and I think you've never addressed that stuff.

Congratulations on achieving a Mongolian translation. I believe the next benchmark is a translation into Apache. "Not even Shakespeare or Dickens has been translated into Apache!" from The World According to Garp

What about those who are both narcissists and psychopaths? How does that manifest in terms of gaslighting/confabulation?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

They act the way psychopaths do.

When a narcissist in the beginning plays hard to get by ignoring a victim does he do that so she can chase him or is this to convince him self first that he is better than her or both? After watching this video I'm now thinking when a narcissist plays hard to get then he is gaslighting too

Thank you so much for this video, prof. Sam Vaknin. I have a question, actually, I don't understand how deep are the memorie gaps for the narcissist. So, they don't remember things they've done, and this creates anxiety? Thank you for your work and I am sorry for my bad english. 😅

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

Search this channel for “dissociation”.

Dat angle dooo

"you regard yourself as a figment of the narcissist's imagination" - how so? I never had such a thought, prior to learning about it. How does that manifest itself?

Wow!! Mongolia🎉

Knowing that you're going to collaborate with Dr Jordan Peterson is the best thing I've ever heard!

Please, publish your books in German too, dear Sam.🙏😊

can you do more vids on covert narcs?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

In addition to the 23 I have already made?

@user-ii3st8yy6v

8 ай бұрын

@@samvakninlol

@jacktang7022

8 ай бұрын

my bad prof @@samvaknin

Prof Vaknin it takes a long time to recover from being deceived and gaslighted. My self esteem was broken almost to beyond repair. How would I prevent myself from ever getting myself in that situation. And how would I trust my judgment again.

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

By watching the videos in the healing and recovery playlist.

@garyheydenrych8114

8 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin thanks Prof

Is the borderline’s confabulation similar to the narcissist’s?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

Borderlines don’t confabulate.

Does the abuse lessen as the narcissist's grandiosity gap decreases?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

No. Search the channel as to WHY narcissists abuse.

Is it possible that a Psychopath can also be a Narcissist?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

Yes.

@DJLauraTouray

8 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin Thought so. Wow. So that then leads us to a whole other video right? Lol 😄 Please can you record one for us Sam? Love your videos 🙏👍

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

@@DJLauraTouray Search this channel.

Do psychopathic narcissists gaslight or they confabulate as well?

@samvaknin

13 күн бұрын

Confabulate. Only their BEHAVIORS are psychopathic, not their PSYCHODYNAMICS.

How about PTSD/CPTSD/NARCISSISTIC behaviors? How do we differentiate?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

By searching this channel.

This sounds so messed up

Congratulations!