That explains why I felt like I was talking to a wall. Many times. You open your heart and then feel like a fool, as if you talked to a wall. Soo sooo sad. 😢

@user-bn4nc9fc8r

3 ай бұрын

idk how 'ill' doctors have a lengthy career and a stop not put to it-in the field of Psych

@biggwillbeats4384

2 ай бұрын

Your are NOT alone.. NOT trying to ‘trauma bond’ or anything..just want 🫵🏾 to know 🫵🏾 have been heard. Be Well🦋

@Miltonplatypus-rt7mv

Күн бұрын

You did. You literally did talk to a wall indeed. As did I. I literally said to my brother your a wall 🧱 hello wall I'm talking to you and the wall does not hear you or say anything back. It may Echo your words as if they are his words but yeah. Wall ironic that his name is Paul. Hey wall I'm trying to say something to you. The wall does not respond to you. As it is only a wall. Best option is turn around this is a dead end. Don't wates energy, time and emotion with a wall. It's not good for at all and if you stand next to the wall for too long we'll then the wall will fall. On you and you will be a humpty dumpty all broken. Oh and my favorite is when it will repeatedly stab you quietly and when you finally react to this stabbing attacks you are immediately the aggressive one acting crazy out of nowhere and he is the victim whom is continuing to stab you up while pointing finger saying you are attacking him. It's infuriating outrageous. I did not have a reatcion out of the blue I had a reatcion out of self defense standing up for myself

Not only do they block you out, then they repeat YOUR sentence and claim it was their original thought. This is part of how they effectively disappear you.

@paultimson6674

2 ай бұрын

i did that with a troll i used a phrase.. Resident Troll. You are a resident troll. i took it from Sherlock Holmes. The resident patient. then he started to call me the resident troll? mirroring me like a parrot. Bird brains?

@nicolem2307

2 ай бұрын

So true

@megpi72

Ай бұрын

Exactly! My mother has done this many times to me. I would say either “I just told you that” or that I had told her that a day or two ago. I have also heard her tell other people things that I said like it was her thought or idea

@paultimson6674

Ай бұрын

@@megpi72 its not just narcissists. people absorb stuff and forget where they picked it up.

@pawelhyzopski6456

Ай бұрын

that to. I did alone, no We did, or Ex did. funny at times. lack of competency will eventually show ;)

My Mom can snoop and hear everything but acts like she can't hear or understand you when your standing right in front of her. She wants you to think you can't speak correctly. Or she's avoiding the topic, frustrating you by making you repeat yourself, then acts confused. Its infuriating.

@void1718

10 ай бұрын

You’ll forget about her in time

@Ramanrajouri

8 ай бұрын

Mf 😂

@cjkoegl

8 ай бұрын

"You misunderstood me"

@jveronica812

6 ай бұрын

That's cold fame confusion

@jveronica812

6 ай бұрын

Called*

That part about recording them, & they still deny it. 💯

@preferredprovider1958

2 ай бұрын

So true. And when you’re going to play it to him (I always tell him I’m recording him so I don’t understand why he denies it) he starts yelling trying to stop me from playing the recording because he doesn’t want to hear it so he could keep denying it.

@crazycannabiscatlady

Ай бұрын

The fact that this is real is so heartbreaking

@Powder2k6

Ай бұрын

@@preferredprovider1958That’s exactly what a 4 year old child would do in this scenario. That’s another proof that they’re emotionally stuck at that age.

This makes a lot of sense. It's the desperate need to override the external reality. Also explains why people who are "codependent" get overtaken and subsumed into the narcissist's narratives.

@j.m1928

11 ай бұрын

That’s what makes abuse recovery so difficult. The victim has to separate self and genuine reality from the narcissistic narrative. Talk about cognitive dissonance

@hootiehootowl

11 ай бұрын

😊😊

@taniaearle4457

10 ай бұрын

Yes, they give you their Brain

@themalibumalik

10 ай бұрын

​@@coral4874why would they do that? Whats the answer

@themalibumalik

9 ай бұрын

@@coral4874 you say "what do that have to do with the topic" and they think you said theirs words don't matter or that their stupid Selective hearing

I feel like I'm in a web of confusion the more I learn. Bottom line I've come to is - if I feel like I'm being manipulated, my emotion needs aren't being met, or my danger sense is constantly tingling around a person - they're out of my life. That's it. The more I simplify things the better.

@Sandtauruspig

11 ай бұрын

Also I have a new rule in my life. If they do it 3x that constitutes a pattern that won't change. Done. Simple.

@cyndigooch1162

10 ай бұрын

@ayoubbeiruty3161 That's an excellent way of taking action to protect yourself and I'm working on it, because I've given people who are abusive towards me WAY too many chances! I need to stick to not allowing them to talk to me again after time has passed too. I don't necessarily mean ex-partners either. 😊

@cyndigooch1162

10 ай бұрын

​@@aubreyj.tennant1123That's excellent as well and I need to stop feeling like I'm being rude for ignoring those people if I see them when out and about, because they couldn't care less about me, unless it's to do with them. 😊

@CM-uo5tq

4 ай бұрын

If you're confused by people then it's a sign to there's someone lying often

@tanyadepoalo4312

2 күн бұрын

I completely agree with both of these posts, I too am going to take this stance as well. We don’t need to understand these people anymore. I really think keeping it simple as you said, is the best way to be. Thanks for sharing this.🙏🏽

OMG! I finally understand why communication w/an NPD is totally fruitless.TY!

@Selah1141

11 ай бұрын

HOPELESS

@paddrickstar100

2 ай бұрын

It's just LESS!

Is like talking to a wall.

@carinacares3371

Ай бұрын

A wall that gets closer while talking 😵‍💫

@danaloustel5974

Күн бұрын

That's the analogy I have always used too!

Throughout 20 years of marriage, I truly thought he was neurologically damaged in someway. So this is saying that he probably was!

@nopenopehole

2 ай бұрын

I can totally relate lol!

I totally get this. My ex was a narcissist. I used to say to him that it is like he has a voice talking to him telling him something different to what was actually said and even how a situation played out. He had forgotten the actual beginning of the conversations or part of it that explained how the story actually played out, the positive part and turned it into his own narrative.We argued so much

@wittesneeuw

11 ай бұрын

A former studyfriend of mine did this all the time. You tell something.....And she starts telling a story that has really nothing to do with it and also is very long and very uninteresting because it is about people you don't know......I saw a lot of people around me walking away or looking very annoyed when she did this....I was too friendly or to codependant to do this.......But I always asked myself if there is a medical diagnose for this.....Really weird .....Their must be brain damage for sure...

@barrysieg

10 ай бұрын

Tears. Yes also my experience

@randideelancaster9904

29 күн бұрын

Mine would be having arguments and conversations with him self when I was trying to talk to him, I realized it when planning our wedding, I asked purple or blue and he responded "yes yes that's it! " I said witch one ? He responded " I'm gunna rebuild that engine and buy new rims" my jaw dropped, I said you want a rebuilt engine for a color? He said yes you didn't hear me I'm rebuilding the engine. Why are you arguing with me... I was flabbergasted 😢

In 2020 I inadvertently found out my sister was a narcissist. Since then I have researched the topic in depth. The abuse I endured was explained on a surface level but Sam dives into the granular parts of a narcissist. He is so on point with the behavior and mindset of my sister. For years, so many I don't care to mention, I dealt with her erratic and entitled behavior appeasing and acquiescing to her, thinking I was making a difference. These videos are the best yet on narcissism especially for those who want to gain a deep understanding. Every time I watch his videos I am blown away.

@zed6095

11 ай бұрын

I'm 61 this year. I have just found out that I have autism and adhd; the perfect storm to be taken advantage of by a narcissist. For 60 years I have struggled out in the world. I finally got ssdi, but I kept coming back to live with my sister because I couldn't make it in the world-- but she never helped me try. Never lifted a finger to help me do anything, despite me struggling so hard all these years-- and then just one year ago I found out she is a narcissist, and I have been watching these videos and Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter; and working on my own issues of course ! But in exactly 6 days I am leaving for once and for all. Discovering I have autism allowed me to drop the mask, and make authentic autistic friends; and I have learned to grey rock my sister until I move, and on top of everything I am able to keep my grey rock up while having sympathy for my narcissist, who is about to lose me forever. I feel bad for her, but only momentarily, and then I will forget she exists hopefully

@vin645

10 ай бұрын

You just told my life story.

@cyndigooch1162

10 ай бұрын

@lanettiecarter I really feel for you and I've been dealing with a highly narcissistic sister for decades, which nearly cost me my life. Luckily, she lives in another country and I'm low contact with her now. It's difficult because her narcissism might've been mainly caused by a traumatic brain injury from an accident when she was a child. I still need to protect myself though. ❤

@zed6095

10 ай бұрын

@@cyndigooch1162 I'm able to have empathy for narcissists now. Only took one month away from mine. Healing is possible ❤️

@zed6095

10 ай бұрын

@@cyndigooch1162 Yes you do. I have had so many traumatic brain injuries as a child that I KNOW something happened to my siblings. Something really bad.

I literally thought my ex had hearing loss. He didn’t. So then I thought why does he act stupid. He’s not. I told him once. You are not a stupid person why do you always play dumb? He was manipulating me the whole time.

@DivaDivine88

19 күн бұрын

Its even worse when they actually DO.. my ex was half seaf but would definitely use that to his advantage at times when he just didnt want to listen to me

This exactly explains what I call the 'demonic strawman' which twists my words and attacks my narcissist whenever I just want to have my differing perspective heard.

@mephisto212

9 ай бұрын

That is an utterly perfect term for it. I can't even offer help without being accused of criticizing.

@Sublimefireflyy

4 ай бұрын

You hit it on the nail

@karinteeples9715

2 ай бұрын

Yes. It’s absolutely demonic. Diabolical.

It is like having the same language as the alien with different meaning for the words as somehow the same sentence and paragraphs exchanged morph into separate realities...like weird parallel worlds colliding.

@Reneemfenn

11 ай бұрын

Two different realities 😊

When you answer "I know that you know" and then smile, they go absolutely crazy.

My husband is a covert narcissist and a hoarder! Big time! I recently had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery and I expected him to at least look after me, instead he would leave before I woke up and didn’t get home until late. I have 3 dogs that are attached to my hip and I was just shocked that he didn’t even feed them! I never got an explanation for this, but a lot of excuses! After a while I just shut down and tried to manage. I didn’t know about narcissists and what comes with it! When I finally could get out of bed, I started to look around the house to see what it looked like 😮, I almost had another heart attack! We started arguing and that turned into a huge yelling match. He left and I noticed things were different! He apparently joined a cult,of course he denied that, but he’s in his office whispering,apparently he has “zoom calls “from 8-12pm and once I asked him to tell me about it, he got so mad at me and said he’s joined a workshop ! That was it! Since then I had 2 accidents and I woke up at 2.20 am, with him standing over me,his hands reaching for my neck! A lot of other things are going on and either I’m losing my mind or he’s trying to get rid of me! I reached out to friends and my kids, but they all told me that it was from the stress of the heart attack! After all I should be thankful I have such a wonderful husband. I no longer feel safe, we’ve been married for 34 years and now I’m scared of him. Thank you for letting me dump this here 🙏

@misssquizza5616

6 ай бұрын

How have things been?

@nicoleaube4729

4 ай бұрын

Some simple advice - start getting rid of your own stuff. Don’t keep anything unless it’s an absolute necessity, like you need it to eat, sleep breathe and make money. Get rid of everything else including sentimental items. If you have tolerated living with a hoarder for over 30 years then you must have your own clutter. Get rid of it quietly and sometimes even secretly, if possible. It may take a couple years: your goal is to be able to move out in under 8 hrs, one day, while he’s at work, and he’ll be left standing in a gigantic pile of his own filth with no one else to blame for the first time in his life. By the way… he wants you to leave. He is hoarding to push you out of the house. Your life with him is over. So go, you don’t need anyone’s permission.

@UnfortunateTruth-xt7jj

3 ай бұрын

You need to quietly pack your things and LEAVE while he’s away, w/ no note or any way of him finding you. What on earth are you waiting for??? Your friends and kids will be mortified if they find out your husband in fact one day does take your life, and they realize your fear wasn’t “the stress,” but actual REALITY & INTUITION. GET OUT NOW

@nicoleaube4729

3 ай бұрын

@@UnfortunateTruth-xt7jj if you read between the lines of her comments - and this is *not* a judgment on her, because her problem is likely a trauma response - but she sounds like a hoarder herself, like she has too much stuff of her own to just simply pack and leave. She even has a bunch of dogs that she doesn't know what to do with. She must feel physically weighted down by her own stuff, and she may not realize her problem, because it is being masked by the severity of her husband's problem.

@faithlyngrace2517

3 ай бұрын

Omg, im so sorry. That is terrifying. I hope u got out.

This is the final piece of the puzzle... This definition now explains my futile attempt to help a narcissist. FREEDOM!

This is the first time I’ve realized how unreachable my ex-partner is. My heart is broken 😢

@suzystone244

5 ай бұрын

Get the much needed self care. You matter❤

@faithlyngrace2517

3 ай бұрын

😢 i feel your pain. Its so fucking sad.

@mirasplace

2 ай бұрын

on the other hand, it is not so sad for them. The only person that matters to them is themselves.

Makes complete sense. My narc brother would consistently convolute the meaning of my words and will tell me that I am experiencing emotions or have intentions that I do not have. They have an internal narrative they must maintain in order to justify the heinous actions they commit to other people. Anything that threatens their grandiosity or their self righteousness must be tuned out if not eliminated.

@faithlyngrace2517

3 ай бұрын

Yep.

@dikshataskhedkar6612

2 ай бұрын

So true. It's difficult having narc siblings. My sister's an overt narc and has indeed reflected this on multiple occasions. It's like she is now unable to hold a two-sided conversation whatsoever. I just disengage each time. Protect your energy at all costs.

This is the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced in my life.

@breesbarbara16

3 ай бұрын

I have to agree with you

I am the scapegoat of the family. They all have harmed me so much with all forms of abuses. I have worked hard, so hard at quieting the abusive voices, the more I distance myself, the more helpful it has become to heal, even if alone and struggling with my 4 chronic invisible illnesses. It's constantly rewiring yet mostly being gentle and compassionate to me, recognizing some days will be easier than others. They never cared, they only care about how they look externally or hear how amazing they are and then use substances to numb and then they harm others under the influence and think they are above others when they struggle with multiple issues. They think they are above of so many..it's sickening when you finally see after you have stepped back when you see they live in a delusional reality by living in denial. They deny you so they can continue to live in denial and think they are greater.

@mikebackus9706

5 ай бұрын

You have described me with my sister and her husband 100% it’s awful to say the least. I thought i was the only one going through this and you hit the nail on the head. I have been doing extensive therapy to heal from this trauma

@CM-uo5tq

4 ай бұрын

Take a number 😅 it's infuriating

The very best explanation of narcissistic behavior that I have ever heard.

This is the best coherent explanation of what is going on with a narcissistic person. This is why it is so difficult to navigate a relationship with a narcissistic person. It makes me understand why you really can't hate that person but you need to get out of that relationship!

@robinantonio8870

3 ай бұрын

I hate them.

Towards the end of my 15yr marriage, my ex would say “I don’t even know what your saying” 😳 Was so weird to see.

I don't know if my mother is a narcissist but having just read ''I'm ok, you're ok'' and ''the games people play'' I think she approaches every interaction *with me* from the position of parent (ie, an ego defended position where the person needs to be superior) and I lose the ability to hold on to my adult self and I become reactionary. So from the one up position, it is just unfathomable to my mother that she might not be correct, therefore, any attempt to put forward another pov *is* an act of aggression to her. Because there is only one POV, hers.

@jellybeanjedi2372

11 ай бұрын

If your met with a negative response for having a point of view or expression of your emotions , including her withdrawing from you/ silent treatment or notable withdrawal of time etc you are probably right. And then one finds oneself lining up one’s emotions with the expectation of the narcissist. They rarely enquire into your emotions especially how their behaviour may effect you. No disagreement is resolvable.

@moniquebode1655

11 ай бұрын

SUSANAXPEACE Your comments are great. I can see how a member of my family has this superiority over me. It's always been there.

@camellia8625

10 ай бұрын

Sounds like my own mother’s twin (emotional maturity wise).

Stay safe everyone

This is like my mother, I was trying to explain to her but she wouldn't listen, and then she wailed ''it makes no sense''. It made perfect sense.

Thank you So Very Much For Sharing This.I Was In A Relationship With An Overt Malignant Narcissist For Years This Person Emotionally Abused Me Cruelly. The More I Tried Explaining Myself The More Confused I Became I Was Broke down From Months And Years of the Silent Treatment. This Person Destroyed My Life My Self Worth and My self esteem. Narcissistic abuse is Brutal…

Prof. Vaknin, this is pure oxygen to my brain and refreshment to my hurt soul. Thank you so much.

@cleanslate5313

11 ай бұрын

Same for me. It explains and clarifies what I've battled to make sense of and understand for years.. Any of my attempts to reason with or come to even-compromise with people like this, that seem to tune me out as white noise, to a high degree while others never do , over years hasn't been successful. This video explains the reasons,, so exquisitely. I now have to accept this is how they operate in the world and grieve the fact we will never see eye to eye. Hope, replaced by acceptance, with this knowledge, will help greatly with my future interactions with such people. Thank you explaining this via this video. It will make a huge difference and I'm grateful.

Mr vaknin I owe you a huge thank you. 10 years ago I learned the truth from you. I had no clue about narcissism. I heard one video of yours and every thing in my life Suddenly made sense and I knew what I needed to do. I quietly started working toward getting away. You helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you so very much.

Fantastic description in last 10 minutes. The apparent absence of premeditated malice is what kept me optimistic that things would get better in my 30 year marriage. And yes it was like being married to a small child. Thank you for finally being able to articulate my intuitive conclusions. But very sad that the small child has to keep hiding - is there ever any relief or recovery for him? Or does he just think everything is fine and dandy in his introject world?

@mirceaar7988

11 ай бұрын

After almost two years knowing a lovely young lady, in an experience that got me going to therapy in order to get my emotional and cognitive balance back on track, this is my take on describing that small child I felt I was dealing with at times: There is an inner child inside her, amongst the many inner (broken) sides of her self or personality, sides that are mostly disconnected from each other, or they do (only) briefly combine in order to serve her needs. That child sometimes has the control, the command of her, or better said commands one or more of her sides. Makes her speak and act in ways that seem to be indifferent to the effects, the consequences of her words and actions on the people close to her. Sometimes her words and actions manage to get her into uncomfortable (to say the least) situations. Sometimes she realises that, usually after a while, it takes some time for inner reflection, after the event(s). That child is emotionally and (I believe, indirectly) cognitively immature. It seems to be stuck anywhere between the age of a pre-teen and the age of late teens. She has lived a trauma (being ousted and beaten up by the group of neighborhood children she was a part of) in her pre-teen years. Another trauma in her late teens, (probably prolonged) sexual abuse in her late teens, while in high school, away from her home. In her early 20s she has been for several years in a relationship with a - most likely - grandiose narcissist. It didn't end up well, as he ended up hitting her. The effects of that hit to the head ended up requiring spine surgery 3 years later, this past winter. So, there. That child I am describing here became visible to me - or to my... intuition - due to the contrast between her initial image, that of a very mature and well anchored in reality young woman, and all the rest of her behaviour, her ways of being when we were together. In my opinion, that was, and still is, when it comes to 'new' people in her life a projection, what might be called one of her 'false selves'.

@patti.autocad3652

11 ай бұрын

@@elcee7800 btw, we mindful, project, self-reflection, a growing mind reflects, that broken/static mind, just goes to the next thought. Accept that.

@Moon_Fire_Water

11 ай бұрын

​@@mirceaar7988any ideas on what the diagnosis for this girl might be? Borderline? CPTSD?

@mirceaar7988

11 ай бұрын

@@Moon_Fire_Water I'm not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. I just a guy trying to make sense of someone he cares about, and tries to educate himself on the subject. One of the reasons I'm watching videos like this, among other sources of information. For what it's worth, my subjective take on her is that there are CPTSD traits and also some BPD traits with her. That's how her behaviour as I have got to know and understand it makes some sense to me. Not something one wants to find out and understand about someone they care about.

@franco2b145

Ай бұрын

@@mirceaar7988 What you’re describing is multiple personalities combined with narcissistic personality.

Several generations of narcissists in my family retired to the middle of nowhere (very isolated). This impacted the whole family. Especially me growing up, spending entire summers as a teenager with no one to interact with.

@amberinthemist7912

11 ай бұрын

I wonder if that was by design. So many people retire closer to towns where there are more services to help them as they age.

@JohnWayne-86ed

11 ай бұрын

That was probably done to isolate you all, my narcissist ex wife wanted us away from everyone and suggested I sell my home to move to a cabin miles away from town.

@macnchessplz

10 ай бұрын

Knowing what it is like to live in the middle or no where and we’re again.There is no way I’d move in the isolation of it and all the complications that arise (bad roads,electric down,problems maki bc calls… I’m in the mindset of selling my house to place some physical distance between living space and toxic situations. However,it’ll be close to groceries,pharmacies, banks ,doctors,etc. I have family who live just far enough out I’ve personally experienced the inconveniences. It’s possible some may move to a location they feel control might be easier (of spouse,children or other family members).

@nicoleaube4729

4 ай бұрын

Essentially they formed a cult.

my ex wife was always telling me to speak up she couldn't hear me. i have never in my life been told anything like that, in fact my whole life i have been told to shut up and be quiet, i have heard people tell me i am obnoxiously loud. she was a narcissist and i changed my behavior and how i spoke to her, always being sure that she heard me. you can only change so much for somebody before the relationship implodes, at that point you are changing the foundation in witch the relationship was built upon, and sometimes that foundation is no longer strong enough to bear weight

Long ago my brother, my mother and I used to wonder why our father could behave so very odd and ruthless sometimes. We didn't understand this behavior and dismissed it as 'a man with a very peculiar twist in his brain'. Now, some forty years later, I see Sam Vaknin's videos about narcissism and now it perfect makes sense! Emotionally, my father is like a toddler with nothing beyond his own needs. Yes, strictly rational he knows the difference between 'I' and 'you' but in his emotional world only 'I' exists. At the same time he has good intellect and life experience (he's now 70+). At some level he learned to cope with the world but it still feels unnatural to me. It's like he has no self on a deep level, only some sort of shell.

When I asked the Narcissisr who broke the window glass at my place... First of all he said his Mother did it then he quickly changed it to his sister! In reality he broke the glass. His answers were so childlike.

Thank you, Sam Vaknin, for explaining my observations of this husband of mine. I am divorcing him after 37 years of marriage. I can't help him and I just don't know who can? It's heartbreaking for me, but I just can't deal with the pain and the chaos he's caused in our own family. You continue to help me with every video you make. Thank you, again.

@Fmjm77

11 ай бұрын

Praying for your and your family's healing. It's ultimately a spiritual problem. They have a reprobate mind. God is the only one who can change them. ❤

@stevemeacham6880

11 ай бұрын

And I mourn losing my 28 years when I do what you're doing. I pray that you'll find relief and healing, This video is the final nail in the coffin where I kept my hope.

@lenefae

10 ай бұрын

I hear you love 💖💖💖 .I'm there . A much shorter time thank God but Im there

@amysue1616

Ай бұрын

Here I was feeling sorry for myself for 20 years down the drain. God help us all.

I like this new wave of content from this channel. It's like an undergraduate lecture for non-majors of the subject. Plain enough to hook the layman, and academic enough to do it with substance.

This the fight I had all my life, a narcissistic mother and a bi-polar father and they had to marry because ' I made my mother pregnant. Finally my siblings are beginning to see, 70 years later

When I was a child I tried exploring and developing this skill. My mother beat it right out of me. ;)

That’s my mom’s game, too. Now I know why she is so oppositional to anything I say to her. It’s like she needs to overtake every conversation to her side of view regardless of any feedback. This is gaslighting, if I understand correctly.

I have an example of this selective hearing (he heard only his own inner narrative). My then husband severely mistreated me intimately so to speak; made me feel less than human. He later did it again. I asked why he would do such things to me, I had clearly stated I never wanted to experience again, the first time it happened. His answer was, no, no, you said you loved it. That’s how a “don’t do that to me again because I don’t like it” turned into a “do it to me again because I love it” in his mind Now I understand how that could happen.

Fascinating! So this is why reality testing keeps failing for the narcissist.

Sir, could you please make a video about Narcisists in the education system? Teachers or people in this system who supposed to understand you, help you and "guide" you but instead block and devalue you.

@samvaknin

6 ай бұрын

Will do.

@Sublimefireflyy

4 ай бұрын

Yea!!! That’s a great suggestion because it happens. It’s the reason so many drop out of school

@lucius4556

4 ай бұрын

Teachers Doctors/surgeons with a god complex, and many others in authority!

@benkyle76

4 ай бұрын

My narcissistic ex-wife teaches 3rd grade and she use to tell me about taking pleasure in making students cry. I didn’t even ask for context. I’m certain the same applied to me

@judithnery958

2 ай бұрын

That is a great suggestion ! I had a relationship with a highschool teacher who was very kind at the beginning and after a few months started to ignore me and treated me like inferior. There was no love , no empathie at all on his side. He went back to live with his mother after he had had a serious accident in the mountains. It took me a while to realize something was very wrong in him. I asked myself how can a teacher be able to work in the education system with his narcissistic mental disorder ? Very strange !

The interesting thing in my experience is that something I just said will be repeated as if it was never heard but became the original thought of the narcissist. Bizarre. Sometimes hilarious

Grandiosity is their M.O.!!!

@Ellie-rp8bh

11 ай бұрын

Deception also

This explains so much! I can be 12 inches from him and yelling his name, but he doesn’t even know I’m there. But from two rooms away, he can hear us discussing something he thinks he knows more than us on 🙄

Basically extreme egotism. Not so hard if you work with it knowing that.

This is probably the best explanation of the internal processes of a narcissist that I’ve come across. Thank you.

Thank you for your explanation. This is exactly what my ''narcissistic boyfriend'' put me through when I was speaking to him. Oh boy! He was distorting my words. So frustrating. I don't have to deal with him anymore.

@tanyadepoalo4312

2 күн бұрын

Same

Ask him any question, in general not giving back any response , one and half months later ask him again what is his answer, he said let him think about what, and then no response again!!! So sick of this animal!!

Wow, so glad I got to deal with all the emotional crap my parents didn't want to! Fantastic that they don't need to feel suicidal or worthless like I do! The narcissistic family can now have nice xmases together and reaffirm themselves. Wonderful!

@robinantonio8870

3 ай бұрын

I know exactly how you feel

Narcissists new supply (girlfriend) has been putting up with him for a while now. I have no idea what she sees in him. She’s gotta be experiencing this same stuff that I did!

i wouldn't of made it without your videos. I was in a very dark place You are the smartest human i've listened to in my life. Thank you!

@maverickvillage6744

21 күн бұрын

Yes

This video is absolutely fascinating and I haven’t seen anything like it anywhere. I knew he had ears that do not hear. It was so maddening. Even the deacon who did marital counseling (do not do that with a narc) with us did a “test” on him asking him to repeat what he said. He couldn’t. He could not do it. And now I remember it, it was like he was dazed out and struggling. I guess he was trying after all but it was not at all what was said. It was scary and bizarre. I mean I knew he didn’t hear me but figured he would hear the deacon for the sake of his precious image. Deacon didn’t want to deal with us after that at all and after a year of my ex not listening I do not blame him.

Most humans in fact do this, at least under certain circumstances. "Hearing only what you want to hear/filtering through your own perceptions" is a well known phenomenon. Follows really as most humans have a narcissistic element, as seen in the way we treat animals.

@joshuablair252

10 ай бұрын

It is a demon that jumps into people. When they don't know what got into them, which is a saying that goes back thousands of years. Life is nothing but a spiritual battlefield. All mental illness, thought and emotion stems from the spirit world. We can only see a small amount of the light spectrum. Same thing with sound. Even smell. We aren't built to see everything. It's for our survival only.

I made the mistake of marrying a vulnerable narcissist. One of the things I've noticed is that she seems to be deaf, not just to me when attempting to discuss our relationship, but to lyrics in songs. She may have heard a given song her entire life and seems to have no idea what they're singing about. She'll have the lyrics so oddly wrong that it makes absolutely no sense. After watching this, a bunch of stuff makes a lot more sense.

"if I think it's true, then it is" she said.. reciprocal inhibition...wow,..

I once met someone who claimed not to have an internal dialogue between himself and himself, ever.

@Toertsch

10 ай бұрын

There are people who think without an inner voice and don't have an internal monologue. It's just their thinking style, nothing pathological. Most thoughts I have are voiceless. I just know what I think. But I do have internal dialogues. Look it up on youtube: "thinking without inner voice"

@trucid2

4 ай бұрын

That's not uncommon. True of about 40% of the population.

Thanks for the insight! I always wondered about this and never really understood it. I would say something and there would be no response and not even a facial expression to indicate that it was heard. 🙂

Deceives himself into not believing he is deceiving himself... How could you ever know? It's a sincere question.

This is too real. Ive had many examples of this where the narcissist will look at me like I spoke a different language.

'one man echo chamber' is a brilliant description. Great lecture. Thank you.

Thank you for giving me a great insight and understanding of a narcissist, you have just described a so called mate of mine to a tee and now I know, I must step out of his life, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Nailed. IT IS hard for the people around them.

Dear Prof. Vaknin , thank you for today's lecture. It has once again brought together many pieces of the puzzle. There is one thing I still don't understand. Please help me to find the missing link. You said that the narcissist blocks out all external stimuli in his memory. Got it. So far so good. How can the narcissist in a real face to face conversation respond in words to such for example criticism , which clearly challenges his grandiosity ? He defends / justifies himself . This requires a performance of the narcissist's brain (speech centre). Is this impulse then deleted as a whole at the end of the conversation? Under the motto: what is not allowed to be, is also not? Doesn't this reacting / responding to what the other person says pose a danger to the narcissist's brain , as it gains access to the system ? I understand that the narcissist fades out or quickly forgets the sentences of the other person. What happens to his own quite coherent answers? They presuppose a thought process. Thx

@samvaknin

11 ай бұрын

In his mind, his responses SUPPRESS and ERASE the injurious speech (criticism, disagreement, etc.)

@kirstenschmidt5148

11 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin thanks

This actually brought much needed peace. Thank you.

This really hit exactly, thank you.

This video is gold !

This was the video I needed to understand the memory gaps, altered memories and fake memories I experienced in a relationship. Of course I can't say my memory is perfect. Also good point about gaslighting, I knew what I experienced was never intentional. I feel so bad for her, it's not her fault.

@robinantonio8870

3 ай бұрын

They are just liars. They do it on purpose to control you. Feeling sorry for them is how they get you trapped.

Can not wait to hear this!!! Thank You again Professor Sam!

This video has really enlightened me. Thank you.

Sam, thank you for doing this for us. you are making history.

Super video with clear insights. Your'e so good, thank you.

Wow! Now it makes sense. Thank you.

This is so helpful, thank you. I’ve recently come to the realization that my brother is a covert narcissist and have made the painful decision to cut him out of my life completely to prevent him from hurting me and my children any longer.

This was incredibly helpful. Thank you!

This is a fascinating clip. I never questioned narratives in a fundamental way. How does a narrative help me? Why do I need narratives? It seems that overly-strong narratives are a kind of learning disability.

Excellent teaching! Bravo

this is going to be fascinating

Very clear professor... A complex process well explained. Simplified. Thank u

Thanks so much Sam for making the videos. I find this a super explanation of how a narcissist mind works.

Yes and I can watch it In real time. It's like I can see what he's thinking before he does

You my friend are absolutely on point !

35:27 I wonder if this is what causes the attention deficit and anxiety flare-ups. The "host"/dominant Part is missing. Instead there is a cacophony (which creates the attention deficit?). It's all noise, several stations on the same frequency fading in and out. There is no consistent signal. Rather it is a chaotic soundscape.

he is fantastic , thank you

Wow many thanks! I’ll love this videos with subtitles (in spanich) Gracias 🙌🏻

You are brilliant. The very best and on point on every topic where other specialists can't go. Your exquisite and incredibly detailed understanding of narcicism is so helpful..I finally know someone understands every nuance and gets what I went through. Thank you so very much!

This has been one of the most fascinating things I’ve heard - thank you for explaining it so well!

You have given me a lot to think about.

Thank you Prof. now I am understanding clearly.

I think I have learnt more vocabulary than I have learnt in my whole life after watching one of your videos. Sheeeww!! It's a lot of googling!!

Prof. Vaknin, my N partner is very antagonistic. When he notices something displeases me, then he does that even more. If I don't like a derogatory word he says (suppossedly jokingly, or not jokingly in case of an argument), he will say it even more. If he knows I enjoy he shares the little things about his day, he will be vague. He will do something just because it bothers me. Can you please help me understand why would he engage in such bizarre behavior that makes me miserable? And is there anyhing I could do to stop it? Thank you for your valuable work, I always watch your videos!

@Reneemfenn

11 ай бұрын

It’s not going to stop That behavior is his normal

@l.c838

11 ай бұрын

They feed off negative energy. They love the reaction it causes you, it makes them feel powerful.

@girlygirl1890

11 ай бұрын

@dianatalida "Is there anything I could do to stop it?" YES! Leave! I'm sorry, but you should not even have to ask that question. You should have been out of there a long time ago if this is your situation that you've been in. You know the answer...LEAVE. Now. You 100% deserve better...or even being alone and at peace is better than that. Get pissed off at your situation, and stand up for yourself. Blessings.

@annamarsch6091

6 ай бұрын

he enjoys the power, that it gives him over you. it will not change, it will get worse. leave him.

@Sublimefireflyy

4 ай бұрын

It’s the early stage of abuse. He enjoys your discomfort and it develops into sadism. Eventually it will turn from annoying to flat out philosophical and physical abuse where your pain is his joy. Leave while you don’t have the memories of abuse yet

This is so fascinating. And the video's thumbnail is perfect. XD

You are so great at explaining the narcisistic mindfuck - saying this as a narc

Good topic! I have this problem with my father! He always pretends he does not understand me!

They do one of two things, even when caught in front of you doing something they should not be doing. The cold lazer eye stare at you or away from you n grab something to drink or chew like your not there or two They give you the cheshire Cat grin ! Both chills you to the bone errrrhuh😮

Listening to your talks is like a breath of fresh air for me. I love how you explain the inner processing of the NPD. I feel totally less alone in my own conclusions. You're a big help to anyone who needs to understand cluster b disorders.

Blocks people out? And doesn't care.

Thank you very much for this extremely helpful video, which I listened to twice while working and I'm listening again now. I found it very validating, especially hearing from you, that highly narcissistic individuals don't hear, as well as have unconscious responses, because I've been saying that for years, yet others believe the opposite! I'm thinking that you'd be aware that this means that many, if not most, narcissism counsellors etc, not to mention the followers, have given and continue to give INCORRECT information to millions of people. They state that it's a matter of choice and they just don't care, whereas I thought that their responses are mainly automatic, which is the case with people at the other end of the spectrum as well, if that makes sense. 😊

Prof Vaknin is a genius. The best explanation i have ever heard! Second to none.