i’m a 16 year old currently hospitalized bulimic after my heart failed, i love you so much dorian you’re such a comfort to me. much love forever edit: getting moved to a treatment facility ! freaky but it’s exciting to think about being recovered in my early 20s/late teens. thank you for all the kind words 💗🎀 sending love to anyone disordered and not

@Femmebutstillathem

5 ай бұрын

You got this. Keep fighting its worth it (i recovered) there is so much more to see

@sweetpeafairy2255

5 ай бұрын

Hope you’re safe ❤ Been there , laxative & purging daily nearly gave me 2 heart attacks + a few hospital admissions. I started age 11, now 24 and finally gone months without purging. It’s so tough to give it all up it took me about 12yrs but recovery is possible xxxx

@Bildgesmythe

5 ай бұрын

Just never give up. You can do this ❤

@DCrane925

5 ай бұрын

Bless you love. I wish you well and you are doing the right thing especially cuz you are so Young. You got this❤

@hannahshark8080

5 ай бұрын

You can do this, and you have amazing hair omfg ❤️

It seems like the ED community needs the equivalent of the drug harm reduction movement tbh.

@gur262

5 ай бұрын

? How? What? 💉 Addicts need something. Not eating needs nothing. How are you gonna... I don't know. Get them to drink a protein shake and take a vitamin pill?

@fool4343

5 ай бұрын

​@@gur262　im pretty sure they arent talking about material things. if you scroll on the ed sides of social media youll see that there is some stigma against people with ed: people laugh at them just bc they suffer from ed

@nsjhdhdhdbhsudgvdydb7751

5 ай бұрын

​​@@gur262 maybe TPN nutrition? Where its going in through a vein so you dont have to physically eat anything? But your body is getting needed nutrition. And drop in clinics where instead of needle exchange they talk to you and give you tpn nutrition and therapy.

@lilalizzard

5 ай бұрын

@@gur262I feel like there‘s a misunderstanding what a harm reduction movement is. It’s about awareness and mostly PREVENTION. The target is stopping the disorder before it appears, saving people from getting sick in the future. Not about giving protein shakes to eating disordered people?! The treatment of a sick person is between them and their doctors, therapists etc, no harm reduction movement involved there. But a goal there could also be making treatment options and help more easily available as it’s extremely frustrating to reach out for help and not get anything as you can’t find a therapist or you’re „not thin enough“ or something (it’s absolutely sickening that that’s a real reason for people not getting help, it makes absolutely no sense and causes people to get more sick). By creating awareness, you can (ideally) stop people from getting sick or make it easier for people who are already sick to reach out for help. Ofc this doesn’t work perfectly in reality as we‘re all aware but it’s better than nothing and our society would definitely benefit from a better awareness and understanding of eating disorders. Edit: I do think this could be different depending on your location though, I‘m from Germany so maybe we‘re talking about a movement that’s different here!

@samanthadelahunt3698

5 ай бұрын

I can just say that for me this wouldn't have worked. It took me 5 years to even accept that my eating habits may not be healthy. Any amount of enabling I could get, I'd take. I didn't want there to be a problem with what I was doing, so I just refused to accept that it isn't healthy. If a therapist told me it was okay as long as I got supplements or drank protein drinks, I'd do it in place of food and believe I'm perfectly fine. I needed my primary care doctor to call me out pretty ruthlessly to understand that I was actually killing myself.

Eugenia popping back up made me realize how bad I had gotten. So I got on prozac, deleted tiktok, and now I'm not waking up every morning feeling sick anymore. Life is bearable again.

@missiworld

5 ай бұрын

❤❤❤ I hope life continues to improve for you. We all deserve happiness.

@toast_eating_rat_queen

5 ай бұрын

I’m proud of you.

@dixiejane2160

5 ай бұрын

So proud of you

@bloomyheartt_

5 ай бұрын

literally the same! I went to therapy then I started taking prozac and decided deleting TikTok was the best for me. It has been 3 years without TikTok and without depression and ed thoughts. I do pilates and I feel so comfortable with my own body even tho I have gained weight. It's possible to get better!

@TragicallyCharmed

5 ай бұрын

You deserve to be cared for. By yourself and others

Wow, when you said, “sometimes people feel like a low weight is the only thing they’ve accomplished in their life” my jaw hit the floor. It explains so much to me. My ED started when I dropped out of college and my partner left me for someone else. When I started losing weight, it felt like I was succeeding and like I finally was gaining control over my life. I’d never heard someone put it like that, it was so insightful. I’ve got to a really good point in my recovery and now I’m in law school! Thank you for your wonderful videos. They are incredibly relatable and helpful. ❤️

@boganshazz821

5 ай бұрын

When you have people like the kardashians who say things like, skinny is the best revenge it's a sad indictment on young girls and their marketability, dependant on their looks.

@439801RS

4 ай бұрын

Don't think it's at all a new idea that ED's are at least in part about regaining some level of control and accomplishment But I can get that the way she put it might have made it click

@magical571

3 ай бұрын

@lynvanderwel3124 "We assume anorexia is because of body image and they are "comparing too much". But what if the opposite is true and we aren't nurturing competition ENOUGH in other parts of thier life bisides their appereance? " i mean.....i got abused out my mind and was raised as the most perfect a+ kid in everything, and suffered from anorexia. If nothing is ever enough and you don't just have to be smart but also pretty and thin and sportsy and social and smiley and intelligent and cute and strong and everything under the sun, and this and that, it's way too much, at some point it destroys you. for me, the last drop pushed me towards anorexia, and it wasn't because of a lack of "nurturing competition" LOL, that notion it's so hilarious i can't even begin to....If my classmates weren't bullies, and my family wasn't toxic af, and my efforts and actual results at trying my damn best at everything actually ever brought me any satisfaction or support in any meaningful way, i wouldn't have suffered so many self esteem issues. At that point, i kept on being the perfect student, but it only brought me pain, and the only "support" was my own ED. And at no point it was ever enough, not thin enough for neither my classmates or my family or myself, my grades meant nothing my family still treated me like shit, and at school you think it does you any good to be smart lol, i had to endure all the bullying under the sun PLUS the competition from the other couple gals viciously trying to be the top one lol. i hope i made my point clear. we are at a stage were we haven't embraced natural and average appearances as beautiful (no matter what tumblr says), yet we push girls to compete in everything and go o college and everything while still aspiring to be models and trad-wives, it's insane. no wonder more girls are breaking down and just embrcing their ED as their joy and some form of satisfaction, if self destructive of course. EDIT: i just noticed someone right below me mentioning a branch of perfectionism some girls follow after some kstar. it doesn't surprise me lol. it pushes for good grades eating and sleeping? yeah no surprise there, being emaciated is the cherry on top of the competitive and perfectionistic iceberg. Just stop pushing girls and women period, seriously, stop it, it's ok to neither be like an emaciated kpopstar or be a freakin leangerie model walking down hardvard medical school. let's start embracing a wider and frankly, more meaningful range of goals and lifestyles.

@kai0tfoool

2 ай бұрын

It's similar to overeating and gaining a lot of weight. When you have nothing left that brings you joy or control, you seek out other things. Eating food can bring that dopamine rush, cuz you don't get it from elsewhere (especially when depressed and lonely) so you lean on food. Sometimes, you'll eat to the point of throwing up or make yourself throw up cuz of shame. I've never liked how people can only feel sympathy for those who are underweight but blame those who are overweight and mock them. They're both mental disorders that don't deserve hate. If only people had more empathy. I wish you the best and for you to be able to see a better future with dreams and everything you deserve.

@blub-tf6rt

6 күн бұрын

But you are a man

14:10 "The picture may have been the trigger but the gun was already built" Thats one hell of a the quote

@LokiMartin

3 ай бұрын

That honestly made my jaw drop.

It is heartbreaking, used to work in the mental health care sector and would often do 12 hour obs shifts with an 18 year old girl who was hospitalised with an ED. She always asked for me when I was on duty (was also studying at uni at the time) I'd bring dvds with me and we'd watch them, first it was romcoms then she admitted to being a horror fan (me being a total horror film megafan!) thankfully she had her own room so we didn't disturb or terrify other patients. Listening to her story brought me often to tears, her singing voice was incredible, cue me telling her about Karen Carpenter. Long story short, she recently graduated from the same university I went to, as a nurse and has started her Masters postgraduate course specialising in mental health, specifically ED. Bullying in school caused a lot of trauma that lead her on that very damaging path. Now she is fit and healthy, could kick my butt as she got into kick boxing and mixed martial arts and looks like Buffy. And yes she is still a major horror movie fan.

@friv_0881

5 ай бұрын

I hope that you know what a genuine help your care and attention towards that patient was. It sounds like you really made a difference and a positive impact on her life in a profound way!. It makes such a big difference to be approached and treated as a regular person, discussing and doing things outside of the ED realm. The world needs more people like you :).

@danb4282

5 ай бұрын

So glad she made it and is thriving! The people who treat you like a human at your lowest are the ones you carry with you

@margodphd

4 ай бұрын

That's such a beautiful story. Sometimes one person who really genuinely cares is enough to give one strength to fight. It's an honour to be that person for someone, I'm sure there's special place in her heart for You ❤

@wendyd_darling

3 ай бұрын

What a wonderful story. So glad your patient is fit, healthy and doing well. And thank you for what you do as a nurse. I think nurses are heroes! I had a special nurse while in critical care years ago and she made all the difference! All the nurses for wonderful!! Thank you!❤❤❤❤

@telesamgram

3 ай бұрын

oh my gosh my heart is so warmed

to add to what you said about normalizing ed: i used to work at a bake shop, which as you can imagine was a cesspool of innapropriate/self-depricating/untrue statements. all of these things were so small, but so hard for me to hear at the time. stuff like "i'm being bad today," after they only got themselves a cookie. or "don't tell my husband i'm here" followed by a giggle. or "i don't need the receipt, throw away the evidence." and maybe im sensitive, maybe i'm soft, but hearing things like that was so disheartening. i would always try so hard to tell them that they deserved their sweets, or that they were nourishing their body, or that sugar is important for their body, etc. but it never seemed to get through. i just wanted them to feel safe and happy eating their sweets but they always seemed so full of guilt.

@Kam_i_

5 ай бұрын

oh my god, I’ve been working at a gym cafe for about a year and it’s absolutely awful there too. Customers telling me what their caloric limits were for the day (often way too low, especially if they were women), asking me whether X food would make them fat, saying they haven’t eaten anything at all that day, it just goes on and on. I’ve been getting help for ED and it’s been better since I left college, but since working there I’ve had a few relapses into obsession with food. That plus all the mirrors everywhere makes it pretty tough.

@lorimiller4301

3 ай бұрын

​@@Kam_i_ You're in an excellent position to help people. Just because it didn't affect them right then don't worry. They will go home and your words will echo in their minds. It might take time but we are often put where we will do the most good. I'm glad you're doing well. There's so much more to life, to do and think about. Eat to live, not live to eat. Health is everything especially as you start aging. Love yourself and focus on others. ❤

@wplants9793

3 ай бұрын

A study was done, asking people from different countries what they thought when a picture was shown. In the US when a picture of cake was shown, people said “guilt”, in France they said “birthday”

@noahark1822

3 ай бұрын

I feel you on this, I love cooking for my loved ones but sometimes I just have to take a break for weeks or months bc the CONSTANT little comments about food and "health" are so hard to deal with, esp since I'm the biggest person by about 60-70lbs at many family events. When I have the spoons, I'll refute that stuff by saying some variation of "sometimes, you gotta eat food for the soul" like with chocolate cake (my favorite to make) if my mil says "oh I'm trying to eat healthier/sweets are unhealthy" I'll laugh and conspiratorially say "oh you know chocolate is good for the soul!" Or "sometimes you gotta eat to nourish your happiness, not your muscles!" Etc. It's still not perfect and plays into false beliefs about healthy vs unhealthy foods, but it's the little mindshift that add up i think, and at the very least it helps me to mentally refute them so the harmful comments dont affect me as much while still be socially acceptable enough that people dont get mad at me (cause people have gotten really mad at me for correcting diet talk or for setting boundaries that I dont talk about weight or diet in a negative way and i cant be part of conversations that encourage dieting or losing weight purposely)

@hollyingraham3980

Ай бұрын

Glycogen, from sugar, is required for brain function. If you delete sugars, your body has to turn things like your muscle protein or internal organs into glycogen for your brain to keep working. Sweets are not unhealthy. An *excess* of sweets are unhealthy, is all. Try that one on your folks.

Literally just in these last couple of weeks I’ve seen like 5 women pop up on my Instagram explore page under tags like “healthy living” and they’re like 57 pounds. It’s crazy.

@Stabbyhara

5 ай бұрын

Those women goin straight to hell frfr They’ve definitely given some poor 14 yr olds EDs. Fuck.

@mummytrolls

5 ай бұрын

And they either delete the comments criticizing this or the comments expressing concern are met with immediate defensiveness and denial.

@adish1401

5 ай бұрын

What I find exhausting is whem people just assume that my friend is extremely unhealthy, because they are chubby, when the only medical issues they got are literally a genetical condition (that those literal same people constantly disregard, by the way.) But then assume that I am extremely healthy, because I am underweight... I am underweight, because of my autism, the grand majority of normal food textures make me throw up. I have gut issues for the very same reason, my joints are f*cked for the very same reason, I literally don't have enough energy to walk out the house every day, and mighty of course, unlike my friend, I have a sitting job. But my friend is supposedly a sick fat b*tch and I am a beauty queen🎉 Those people still don't believe that I live an anti-social ass lifestyle and think that I have an army of friends and boyfriends, just because I am thin🎉

@vortexvibes5944

5 ай бұрын

Don't exaggerate

5 ай бұрын

@@vortexvibes5944 exaggerate what? I’m literally being serious.

I keep seeing "wonyoungism" all over my tiktok fyp at the moment. It is a demographic of around 13-17 year old girls who are inspired by a very very visibly emaciated kpop idol wonyoung; they promote between eachother some healthy behaviours such as sleeping well and studying, but they also promote extreme perfectionism, such as always having a perfect sleep schedule, always being productive, and eating extemely "healthy" during the day. As someone who developed an ED at that age due to perfectionism and an obsession with a "perfect life" it really scares me

@ellajones299

5 ай бұрын

I’m writing a magazine article about this movement currently, it’s terrifying!

@und4287

4 ай бұрын

I've noticed too that most of the ED accounts I've happened to come across on TT are kpop themed

@yoongiyuu3086

4 ай бұрын

it’s so frustrating bc the whole wonyoungism shit literally has nothing to do with the actual idol besides her appearance. it’s a bunch of people projecting ideas onto her and posting it to young, impressionable audiences who take it as gospel. as someone who’s trouble with disordered eating began in the era of idol diets going viral after being talked about in interviews or livestreams, it’s crazy to see people pull one out of their asses for an idol who has never mentioned hers

@thedarknessofnana

3 ай бұрын

Honestly, this is one of the reasons I quickly started avoiding K-Pop and any east Asian diet culture videos. It’s insanely toxic and reductive to assume every human’s healthy weight is between 90-130 lbs, no matter your height or age. Some people are muscular mesomorphs, thick and sturdy endomorphs, or combination thick and strong meso-endomorphs (my family is this one). Genetics affects weight retention as well, but it seems east Asian culture doesn’t even acknowledge different body types. (Disclaimer: I’m not shitting on east Asian cultures as a whole. Just the diet culture and the obsession with underweightness.) When I was 17 and descending into Ana-land, my smallest weight was 134 lbs. I looked like I weighed 100 lbs flat, and my ribs were sticking out. My family is naturally muscular, and muscle is much heavier than fat. I didn’t know all this at the time, so I took the number on the scale as law. I was shocked out of this descent thankfully, cause my mom commented and told me she was getting worried about me since I never ate dinner anymore (I was always “full from the pizza at school.” Pizza hut would sell $1 pizza slices right outside my school on the way to the bus, since they were right across the street from my school). That jolt let me see what I was doing to myself, so I forced recovery over the next 2-3 years and was fully out of the woods by age 19, almost 20. But even now, at 35 and a little overweight (having a kid will do that lol), I still have to be vigilant so my mind won’t slip into unhealthy Ana patterns again. I originally started down that path cause my “friend” was always complaining about me being so fat (I was a little chubby at 16 when I first moved there). I didn’t realize til later that he was in the throes of Ana. He complimented me on how small I got when I was my smallest, and I still remember the euphoria of my “hard work paying off.” We really gotta protect our vulnerable teens, both boys and girls.

@ohgodohgodhelp6152

3 ай бұрын

YESSSS THIS EXACTLY!!!! Everytime I see those videos I wonder if its the conventional beauty standards or the thinness that draws people to those videos, plus the "healthy diet" and "exercise often" thing. I see these on Pinterest and when I check the similar pins its all that ED coded pastel "diet" meal stuff like bowls of honeydew melon and grapes, and rice cracker peanut butter "meals". You know what I'm talking about. It's really scary to see this promoted, almost as worrying as the whole clean girl trend was/is 😐

I feel like that "heroin chic" look is really coming back again, and the last time it was in, I was a kid and it did so much harm to me and others. I'm so worry. And I'm so so worried about Eugenia Edit: I did find an obituary for Rachel Beltz (aka Rachel Rising). She passed away on December 11, 2023.

@Wakeupgrandowl

5 ай бұрын

Yes, I see it’s coming back strong, because the late 90s and early 2000s are being romanticized again. I have nostalgia for the culture of my youth (35 soon), but the must be waif body standard and celebrity/socialite thinness race that was so prevalent of that time, was horrible. I wish we were smarter.

@SessaV

5 ай бұрын

God that destroyed my body. I was diagnosed with pcos at 11, (I graduated in 2003) gained weight despite being obsessive over food. Got bullied, was called a fat ass by my dad, spent a month surviving on nothing but glucose tabs, got shamed out of ballet at 14 where I had been a pointe dancer because there are no "fat ballerinas". I was a size 14. Carried all my weight in my butt, hips and chest. A size 14! Yes, that's bigger, but not obese. I has bulimia. I had dentures by 22 because I destroyed my teeth. My hair was falling out, I had a hole in my esophagus. I never got below a size 14. The nutritionist that my model mother sent me to said I was starving and needed to eat too lose weight. My mother said that was stupid. Last year I hit 237lbs and saw a nutritionist again. She had me eat a lot more. It was so triggering. I'm now 189, I'm actually losing weight and doing it in a healthy way. I'm kinda thankful I am one of those people who couldn't lose weight for actual medical reasons (insulin resistance. Eating more has helped my body regulate its insulin), because I'd probably be dead.

@LindsayW138

5 ай бұрын

People are saying that there's a fake obituary circulating so I wouldn't be too sure that shes died

@lug358

5 ай бұрын

To be honest i think BED is much more common than restrictive EDs. But is not much talked about.

@berobero686

5 ай бұрын

Almond mom's will return too, enough adult women can't cope with age weight gain and not keeping teen/youth figure. Poor teens will be under double attack, at home and online

Everytime you say you’ve “waffled on for too long” I’m like nooooo please keep going im following and listening and interested and I never want any of your waffles to end

@emiaugacha9614

5 ай бұрын

This is so real

@ohnoitsthenoooo

5 ай бұрын

Right? Dorian is probably the only KZreadr I could legit listen to waffle for hours lol

@vala1277

5 ай бұрын

Same

@LolCow.Complilations

5 ай бұрын

samezies can listen to this person read a phone book

@LolaPopente

5 ай бұрын

literally same

Good video. Ed's don't cause people to fade away at a steady and predictable rate. They fade until the hit organ failure, and then they're suddenly gone. Refeeding is a dangerous process. People die even when the process is well managed. Recovery is hard is hard, and at times DANGEROUS.

@sciencenotstigma9534

5 ай бұрын

That reminds me of someone who died (cardiac arrhythmia) after going to substance use disorder treatment, after not eating well, for a long time, in active addiction. I know it’s a different topic, but it came to mind, because rapid changes can be a dangerous shock to the system. I put on weight very easily, after starving as a child and teenager…and starving myself, on top of it.

@julez7709

5 ай бұрын

I just remember Eugenia from 2019 in Shane Dawson video and recently saw her in a video from 2023 and it’s so hard seeing a person basically decaying and „promoting“ her ED. She never labeled herself but it’s certain her behavior sets me and many others back on their journey. No matter where you are you’re doing great!!

@albin2232

4 ай бұрын

@@sciencenotstigma9534 Best wishes and love to you ❤️

@albin2232

4 ай бұрын

@@julez7709 We have to always remember that everything she says is influenced by her illness, even if she doesn't know it is❤️

The therapist that diagnosed me said "You look pretty healthy to me" as I was walking out the door! I was barely over 100lbs at 5'7". I froze and then went even harder at it.

@lilyofthevalley1707

4 ай бұрын

Same thing happened to me, my doctor told me I was a healthy individual yet I had to wear 3 or 4 pairs of pants just to stay warm enough and was bulimic for 7 years yet she still won't help me because my BMI isn't low enough. Still struggling and I'm almost 30. Have gone to two other doctors who told me the same thing. I pray I make it to 35

@StoutShako

Ай бұрын

​@@lilyofthevalley1707 Stay strong... Hope you're doing well, friend.

I have cPTSD from childhood trauma and instead of using food as a way to have control in my life, I swung the other way and I am morbidly obese. I am 300 pounds. I am working on my mental health with my physical health. I use food as a way to numb my feelings. Dissociate from them. So, I have so much compassion for anyone who struggles with mental health. It's such a hard fuckin life. When I saw Eugenia I automatically wondered what had happened to her in life to literally starve herself to death. It truly makes me feel sad inside. Anyone who has mental health problems and is struggling with food, whether you are not eating it or eating too much, you're not alone. ❤

@StoutShako

Ай бұрын

It's sad how much I relate to this... Stay strong. I'm getting into gym culture now in an attempt to get to a smaller size, and it's hard, but I want to do it to prove to myself that I'm more than just the depression that nearly killed me.

I‘d also like to add that Eugenia has said in one of her lives that she appreciated your videos on her and how kind, well meaning and respectful you were towards her. For me it just shows that Eugenia isn‘t oblivious even if she pretends to be (obviously) and also that she is getting good things from videos like yours wich also makes me happy. You‘re genuinely the best voice on here regarding this topic and we all respect and appreciate your input and approach!

Jessie Paege helped me out of my ed watching her recover helped me stay recovering. If she wasn't talking about it or being posiyin her recoverd body I probably wouldn't be here.

@jiltedlittle6868

5 ай бұрын

I love her!!!

@lavender3717

5 ай бұрын

jessie is genuinely such a good role model for recovery

@cacao_0000

5 ай бұрын

Oh my God I love her

@kylenoisegriffin

5 ай бұрын

that's so good to hear! we love jessie 🩷

@miguelstarboy5572

5 ай бұрын

omg I totally forgot about her used to love her sm as a teen will look her up now

And when they say it's just their body type, it makes me nauseous. Nobody is naturally/genetically emaciated.

@gur262

5 ай бұрын

Fat acceptance bubble hurting everyone. Body types as in mesomorph ectomorph was already pseudoscience, now it's worse.

@zaphraud

4 ай бұрын

that's so rare tho, what i usually see online is some short plumper claiming anyone with a thigh gap is emaciated/starving. its all too common these days because obesity is pandemic in this world. there are now more overweight chinese people than Americans total (!!!) it ain't right.

@jankk

3 ай бұрын

What the fuck is wrong with you dude

@stolenrelic

3 ай бұрын

I'm naturally slender but my thighs are naturally chunky. I'm a boy, and I had/have anorexia behaviors since I was 15 when I got sexually assaulted by an adult predator who kept coercively assaulting me until I was in my 20s and I could get away by switching my phone number and moving without telling anyone. Working out and my friend who shifted my goal obsessive goal to gaining muscle saved my life. I'm still unhappy with myself because I'm not muscular enough, but eating enough (especially protein) is the nutrition goal instead of eating less. Now when I gain, if it's not in my abdomen, it doesn't trigger me. But if it is ever a little chub on my stomach that I gain and I can't see my abs, I do get triggered back into anorexic behaviors for at least a day but usually more like a couple weeks.

@Esme3281

2 ай бұрын

I went high school with someone who’s whole family were just tall and very very slender and she weighted less then 115 pounds. It’s rare but does happen

I'm absolutely terrified of seeing Eugenia pass away on a live stream or some type of social media where people just..watch it happen. I remember watching her 8 years ago and it hurts.

@biodegreaser4009

5 ай бұрын

It’s likely to happen online tho seeing as she literally does nothing else but stream 🤷‍♀️

@SummerMayDay

5 ай бұрын

@@biodegreaser4009I think it will happen in her sleep, bless her. That’s the best we can hope for her while she’s still living with her mother.

@jdphillips7539

5 ай бұрын

@@biodegreaser4009Not now that TikTok age restricted her

@ajordan1976

5 ай бұрын

Eugenia has been off all social media for almost a month as of today.

@suzycreemcheeze446

5 ай бұрын

@@biodegreaser4009 OMG, LITERALLY?????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮 Unless you're just overusing/misusing LITERALLY like literally every effing Gen Zer/Millennial, it's a gross exaggeration. She doesn't livestream herself sleeping I'm sure. Make. It. STOP. 😬😬😬😬 Substitute a more accurate word. "She livestreams PRACTICALLY all of the time" is much better.

TW: death My BFF passed away 8 years ago, in part from her anorexia, but she had gained quite a bit of weight because of medications for other health issues. She was at a "normal" weight for the first time in her adult life. While it definitely wasn't the whole of the thing, handling the mental load of the weight gain contributed to her exiting stage life because she hated her body so much, and we talked about it a lot. Trying to find a mental health care person who could handle ED's was impossible, then stack on the insurance issues, then finding one and then gaining weight so she no longer qualified for help for ED's because of course weight is the only qualifier... she did try. The whole situation sucked. It's upsetting watching our governments stripping mental health care from the requirements for insurance/health care, because she was lost in the before times, how many people will be lost again in the after times? Just because the services aren't there, aren't accessible, aren't affordable. It's already a deadly disease, let's just pull the plug on any viable avenue of treatment in the vast majority of the nation(s)? Right. Horrible idea. I'm hoping EC is doing OK. She's a sweet person.

@auroraasleep

5 ай бұрын

I'm aware that the above sounds a bit unhinged. I'm still not over her death, and probably never will be. The whole situation was f-ed from beginning to end.

@TheEccentricPoet

5 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry for your loss, that's so tragic. I hate that that happened to you. I also agree with everything else you said, save one thing (I want Eugenia to get well too, of course, but I think she's a terrible person, actually). Much well-wishes for you after having endured what you have. You're so strong to have had so much tragedy and kept on going.

@user-ou9zv7km8y

5 ай бұрын

@@auroraasleepnot unhinged at all. I'm so sorry for your friend's passing. Thank you for sharing this. It's important to tell the story to help others. 😢

@foxandfae

5 ай бұрын

I'm sorry for your loss @auroraasleep You don't sound unhinged, its your love for you friend that comes across.

@HEALTHNFITNESSHIPPIEWITCH

5 ай бұрын

I agree I suffer big time from mental health issues and can't get help because I don't have ten thousand dollars plus for it welcome to Australia

I'm so happy people like you exist, Dorian. It feels like a weight off my chest to see someone who's actually lived this shit speak so sensibly in a world where everyone's opinions last about as long as tiktoks. I can't express how grateful I am for the lucidity of the mindset you provide.

@nevergoback7084

5 ай бұрын

I know Dorian always apologizes for “the long waffles”, but in this era of short form content exacerbating our loss of critical thinking, patience, and debate, it is a lifeline to see Dorian create these discussions. I completely agree with you and this content has opened my mind to so much empathy and new perspectives

I'm so glad you just posted a video like this. I went to the ER because I was having incredibly awful abdominal pains and my stomach couldn't even choke down a few sips of water without me vomiting and just getting up to move had me breathless. Turns out I had pancreatitis due to bulimia and heavy alcohol abuse, especially at such a low weight. When the head doctor came in to do an ultrasound to make sure he was shocked at my size and kept on saying how he could see right through me. He proceeded to call the head doctor in the ED clinic and had her come down to talk to me after my blood work came back showing that I was deathly low on all my electrolytes. She feared I was already in the throws of refeeding syndrome (still am, have only been in the ED clinic for three days) and all the nurses are aware when I'm awake or stand up because my heart rate just skyrockets. They're in here often for IV changes, replacing my feeding tube pouch and giving medicine/vitamins though the tube, taking blood work and vitals every 8 hours to see how my electrolytes are doing (bro I have so many needle bruses), and having to be hooked up to an EKG every morning. There's no privacy, especially when you let your disorder get so bad. They watch you use the restroom, shower, eat, and have you half naked at times. Eating disorders aren't glamorous or fun, maybe you think so at first, I know I first did. But it's a beast that continues to consume your life and soul till there's nothing left. It's only due to my boyfriend and best friend that I'm still alive today. I owe them my life

@munchiekins

5 ай бұрын

don't give up, it sounds so so hard but please dont ❤

@NovaCries

5 ай бұрын

@@munchiekins Thank you for your kind words 💜 trying my best and all the staff are lovely so it takes the edge off the scariness of it all. It's hard but I don't want to leave my loved ones so soon, that's what's motivating me to be better

@munchiekins

5 ай бұрын

@@NovaCries I know Im just a stranger but *offers hug* I'm glad the staff are kind and I'm sure your loved ones appreciate that you love them so much youre being brave and doing everything you can to stay here with them ❤️

@daniellle4270

5 ай бұрын

Sending all love light and healing energy to you. I believe in you & I am so glad you have two people in your life to support and love you through your recovery journey

@NovaCries

5 ай бұрын

@@daniellle4270 thank you 💜

Thankyou for putting NO pictures in this video. The first thing I did was scan the video just for skinny (my ed girlies kno)I caught myself. You got us, before we got ourselves, thanks girl 💕💕💕💕🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@xdpost6901

5 ай бұрын

Btw dorian prefers to use he/they pronouns,not to be rude i just wanted to tell u🥺

@Sassypants_666

5 ай бұрын

@@xdpost6901 ok thanks.

@Sassypants_666

5 ай бұрын

@@xdpost6901 ok thanks.

@Sassypants_666

5 ай бұрын

@@xdpost6901not rude, just annoying, it just gives liberal Karen vibes. Everything nice I just said was totally lost to innocently misgendering. Can’t even give a compliment nowadays without someone nauseatingly correcting you on something.

@silvergust

5 ай бұрын

​​@@Sassypants_666??? they just clarified something for you and suddenly they're a "liberal karen"? no one was bashing you or what you said. karens are actually rude & annoying no matter who they are. their comment is not an example of that. they weren't even spiteful, condescending. it was a simple clarification.

I'm 18yo and I'm waiting for hospitalisation due to anorexia. Nobody understands me better, then Dorian does. No therapist, no irl friend, no ed friend, but them. Thank you so much

@ava4689

5 ай бұрын

Try granola bars. Theyre good for a small amount of food. Tasty and stops the hunger pains.

@kumoticc

5 ай бұрын

I feel the exact same way. I hope they are aware just how impactful and important their videos are for us ED people, addicts and neurodivergent and never doubt their worth on this platform.

@LucifersBride13

5 ай бұрын

Don't wait for hospitalization. Go into a hospital and get yourself checked in. Or research rehab centers. Timberline Knolls is a good one in Illinois. Take it from someone in recovery. Don't wait for hospitalization - it may be too late if you wait. Go get help. Please!

@theandreabyor

5 ай бұрын

ER will help if u check in, once they check your vitals they will have to stabilize you, once a bit stable most likely they will discharge you, but you would have recovered your body a bit. Try to get a therapist even if you are not hospitalized yet. It helped me

@zaphraud

4 ай бұрын

You need to help yourself. Doctors won't. "A patient cured is a customer lost."

Could you do a video about eating disorders in people who are overweight or obese? Data show that most people who struggle with EDs do not fit the BMI < 17 or whatever it is and this is a problem because they cannot receive care until they’re really really sick! I think it’s important and we need to talk about it

@BUG25985

5 ай бұрын

I didn't know I had a binge ED because my weight blew up after I got it and as a 90s kid it was always beat into me that you can only be underweight when you have an ED. :( Honestly no one talks about it!

@BUG25985

5 ай бұрын

(NES, is another one that gets missed and pops up a lot in those who are not underweight)

@boosqueezy2418

5 ай бұрын

bed is the most common ed

@boosqueezy2418

5 ай бұрын

what’s nes? sorry i’m new to all of this.

@margodphd

4 ай бұрын

​@@boosqueezy2418night eating syndrome

It's the pages that claim to be about healthy eating and start with a body check for me. I'm also noticing a very subtle Heroin Chic trend.

I was disordered for 2 years, nobody ever noticed (mostly because i am a cis male.) But being able to recover and stay at a healthy weight was such an important decision, considering my heavy use of adhd medication. Adhd medication and fasting and exericising all at the same time put a massive strain on my heart and is taking years for me to recover fully. All because I wanted to be thin

@HEALTHNFITNESSHIPPIEWITCH

5 ай бұрын

My partner is like this he is extremely thin was a gym bunny but because of his domestic violence crap against me he stopped going and now he does not care I've tried to help him but he hardly listens to anyone including me I'm at my wit's ends with him because I have my own health and mental health issues that I have of my own I can't do it any more I can't stand back and let him destroy himself which he is doing

@Oreo-gd2zq

5 ай бұрын

​​@@HEALTHNFITNESSHIPPIEWITCH if he's doing domestic violence why would you want to stay and let him drag you down with him?

@seth_u

5 ай бұрын

@@Oreo-gd2zq that's not exactly fair to ask. Abusive relationships can be extremely hard to leave for a lot of reasons: fear of them seeking revenge or lashing out if you break it off, periods of honey-moon phases that make you think they can get better / that things aren't as bad as they are, you still love them and are scared of getting them in trouble if you ask for help, etc.

@iiiSK8orDI3iii

5 ай бұрын

One of my old teachers died from an ED. People often don't think of Cis males as having d-ed eating. His wife was diagnosed with cancer and somewhere in their journey with that he developed an ED that apparently gave him a false sense of control in a situation (wife and mother of child possibly dying of cancer) where he was helpless. In the end, she recovered from cancer and he was never able to recover from his ED.

@HEALTHNFITNESSHIPPIEWITCH

5 ай бұрын

@@Oreo-gd2zq because it's not his fault he is under that much stress big time we have no home he can't get a job because of been permanently injured etc and I actually really care and love him and besides he has only done it once and he is seeking mental health help for it

Body dysmorphia is a huge part of it, it's true. I'm recovered 30 years, but I still struggle with my mirror image - I won't say what I see as it's triggering, but if you know you know. Thank you so much for giving a sane, wise voice to we in the underground.

@DCrane925

5 ай бұрын

I agree the body dysmorphia is torture for me in and of itself

@daniellle4270

5 ай бұрын

This resonates with me. I guess I could say I’ve been in recovery for 30 years but it’s a ride that I’ve never felt I could get off of. I’ve still had bad periods within the past couple years. And so much of it is the body dysmorphia and struggling “with the mirror”

@mimzy54321

5 ай бұрын

For me it’s the variance. Some days I feel great about myself. Others, not so much. When your average person can’t tell when I flip flop by 5-10lbs lol.

@suzycreemcheeze446

5 ай бұрын

Triggers show you where you need to heal. Running away from what upsets you is the worst thing a person can do.

@daniellle4270

5 ай бұрын

@@suzycreemcheeze446 where did anybody say anything about running away? We were all just showing support and understanding for each other.

One thing that not a lot of people know about Rachel is that she recently got diagnosed with a metabolic genetic condition that affects the way her body processes carbohydrates causing extreme hypoglycemia. The type of glycogen storage disorder she was diagnosed with often presents in adulthood (or at least symptoms get bad enough to pursue a diagnosis around early adulthood). I think it brings up an important discussion that many people who remain in extremely thin bodies through recovery or partial recovery do so because of underlying physical illness. Sometimes these illnesses are caused or triggered or worsened by having an ED for so long (think gastroparesis or vascular compression syndromes like SMAS or MALS), but other times like with Rachel's genetic diagnosis the symptoms are just far more dangerous because of the ED.

A bit off topic, but I looooove your hair like this Dorian!! It’s like a head of FLAMES ❤

@truffleandrosalie

5 ай бұрын

Yes I know this video is very serious but the hair is giving me gender euphoria by proxy ❤️‍🔥

@daisyspanhakbon1364

5 ай бұрын

Thinking that's the point?

Rachel Beltz did indeed pass away on the 11th December 2023. May she rest in peace 🙏🕊️

Found your videos when I was dealing with meth induced anorexia. The drugs got it going then it took roots psychologically. Happy to say I'm 2 1/2 years clean and back to healthy eating habits. Your videos really woke me up to the damage I was doing to myself. Wishing you all the best.

@myca.

4 ай бұрын

I've never heard anyone use the term meth-induced anorexia before, and it's extremely enlightening, so thank you! I do think (of course, in addition to the inherent risks) that stims make it a dangerously passive endeavor to bypass the great filter of even becoming emaciated in the first place, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Like, if the difficulty of the first week of flirting with ED'd behavior is what puts most people off, stims are basically a skip to the desired result, sometimes without even having to think about it. That intersectionality should definitely be talked about more, but I mean, let's be real, drugs very much have their own stigma. Even something slightly more normalized like Adderall can be similarly dangerous in this regard, and to go out on a limb, even caffeine and nicotine are pretty significant appetite suppressants when used regularly, and realistically can increase the odds of unconsciously starving

wow this couldn’t have come a a better time. i recent found my self crying at my college nutrition class because i am someone that even though i want to recover from my ed, i am not doing a particularly good job. seeing a breakdown of statistics and data about my eating was overwhelming but in a way i didn’t expect. i was more frustrated with the shame about not being “healthy” and not being disciplined enough to recover. which is strange? it’s like i have inverted my problem, yet still revolves around my inadequacy to adhere to a fantastical ideal.

@Stopthisrightnow560

5 ай бұрын

The fact that you're still going and still trying is evidence you're doing well at battling this disease. So many people can't even admit they need help but look at you! You're not only admitting you need help, but you're trying to help yourself. You're amazing and one day you're going to control that silly brain of yours and you'll be able to tell it to shut up. Until then, you just keep being you. This stranger here is very impressed by your inner strength.

@daniellle4270

5 ай бұрын

I don’t know, I know that feeling you’re talking about. I know that internal argument you’re talking about…. it’s real for many people as they struggle with recovery. Sending you healing energy as you are working toward recovery and remember to show yourself grace

@nachtegaelw5389

5 ай бұрын

Yes, I’ve been trying to gain weight now & not successful keeping it on, it’s frustrating & makes me feel like a failure! My doctor told me to try not to stress about it & just keep eating according to the plan we worked out Easier said than done some days, but that made me feel a bit better

@carlycrays2831

5 ай бұрын

I have an eating disorder, but in the other direction. I over eat and have gained a lot of weight as a result. I'm working on it, it's taking time, but I think the thing really keeping me from getting help sooner was this internal idea that everyone was blaming me for something I really have a hard time controlling. I hated it and I feel like my overeating turned into an act of rebellion. The only thing that has helped is finding healthy recipes that I like and a work out schedule that I liked. It's different for different disorders, but the thing is, you just have to find something that works for you and your schedule. And you sort of have to be selfish about it.

@daniellle4270

5 ай бұрын

@@carlycrays2831 I think maybe a lot of people with EDs can relate to what you said about the act of rebellion being part of it as well at times. Sending you all the good juju on your journey!

This is so powerful. My recovery is a wobble. Thanks for this space. I am 53 and I am grateful to still be here. I wish the world was way more accessible of limbo. If it was safe there. More folks could find help in my experience.

i think a lot of people who’ve never had an ED seriously have no idea how chaotic weight loss and gain during recovery can be. changing your habits doesn’t immediately make visible changes to your body, and unfortunately your effort doesn’t always yield results that are noticeable to others. my ARFID recently got bad again, and it’s incredibly shocking how quickly things can go downhill. i’m currently trying really hard to get my eating back on track, and the progress is so much more drawn out and nuanced than others might imagine. gaining weight back wasn’t even a realistic goal in the beginning, first i had to work on stabilizing my weight and stopping myself from losing more. that genuinely took a lot of effort, but an outsider probably wouldn’t have any clue that i was even working on recovery. sometimes, we’re not in a position to jump right into getting better, we have to focus on preventing ourselves from getting worse first. i wish more people would recognize the invisible successes, instead of just writing you off because ‘don’t look any better’ to them. it’s taking a while for me to work my way up to noticeable changes in my body, but that doesn’t discount all of my efforts. working to eat a more balanced and nutritional diet has made my body a lot more functional already, it’s giving me energy to do things without feeling sick! that’s the first step, and eventually it’ll be enough to start adding to my weight again, sometimes recovery can take time to fully kick in, and we have to be patient with ourselves and others.

@carlycrays2831

5 ай бұрын

I have an overeating disorder and this was a major hurdle to me too. It takes so long to get yourself and your body to realize that this is the new normal. Like, really, your body just doesn't want to change from what it was doing. Doesn't help that changing your eating habits suddenly can make you sick. I developed stomach problems from eating too many greens and veggies, which doesn't seem like it should be a problem but it was. I have added in more "healthy-ish oils" and they are helping, but it's not been super easy.

I’m currently struggling with what you mentioned 8:30 not losing weight but trying everything then bingeing to compensate for starving. This is HARD. Your channel has helped me try to recover I’m so glad you talk about the harmful truths of EDs

A big mistake I made was wanting to be a teen model. I love hearing them claim there’s no ED, we were pressured about our weight constantly. There’s a US cooking magazine that asks actresses & models what they ate that day. Most aren’t realistic at all. Some PR firm must do it for them. It’s all healthy & balanced, a lie in other words. I never expected someone like Eugenia. That you could see it he reinforced by fans constantly. It’s so sad. But good for you for your progress & talking about it. I’m in very long term recovery. It was a hard battle though.

@Iflie

5 ай бұрын

Yeah, I do think it's good they are faking what they eat so kids don't get down that path. When cameras actually follow working catwalk models in a less pr way, they don't eat, they drink a smoothy, coffee, they smoke. Naomi cambel said she often "forgot" to eat all day. You can be slim and eat healthy but it seems models are still picked for unrealistic bodies and eating little. Even ballet dancers have no idea what "eating a lot"is anymore. They eat what a person who's not dancing all day and night might eat if they are healthy and then they say "see I eat a Lot!" as they eat a bowl of oatmeal with water and no sugar or milk.

@lindseyscott7133

5 ай бұрын

@@Iflie That’s true, it didn’t occur to me. I just think most of these aren’t honest, though some do make sense.

@zaphraud

4 ай бұрын

An illness makes a person sick. If you're still healthy enough to work, you aren't sick, because you aren't taking sick days off. Basic economics 101 🤣

@magical571

3 ай бұрын

@@zaphraud what a troll

I suffered w bulimia for two terrible years and now I’m 8 months b/p free. I still struggle but your videos help me feel less alone and think more objectively about my ED. Thank you for making this content ❤

That one model with short brown hair who says she was anorexic who now does fasting to stay thin for modeling

@marlyd

5 ай бұрын

The carnivore one?

@hannah-xq4vo

5 ай бұрын

The one that eats like butter coffee and barely any veggies

@truffleandrosalie

5 ай бұрын

It's "keto" 🤢

@shamWOWexpert

5 ай бұрын

Omg yea, the raw milk one

@bunnywavyxx9524

5 ай бұрын

shes so in denial it hurts. she takes 27 pills everyday and acts like just because shes eating high fat and carb food that its not an ED...

the fact that even one other person with ED experience is speaking like this gives me so much comfort. not allowing this mini-relapse I'm in to "get bad" is getting harder and harder with the "normal/aspirational" bodies getting smaller- people just scream "LET PEOPLE EXIST" as though it's as simple as that and letting someone exist means sitting and watching in silence as they end themselves and INSPIRE OTHERS TO DO THE SAME WITHOUT DISCLOSING THE DISORDERS

@fluffy9055

5 ай бұрын

You’ve got this 💜 I really relate, you’re so brave and strong for not letting the ed win, you can do it i believe in you you’re amazing i promise ✨

@magical571

3 ай бұрын

i mean...in a way....if they truly let people be we wouldn't be so pressured to be thin would we.....i know tumblr would have us believe that plus size is the new standard for beauty but it's not. Skinny S is still pretty much the societal goal and standard for female beauty, just with a bigger butt now at best....if that. Plus, i don't see many people talking about it, but being overweight has a class connotation too, or at least it does VERY heavily in south america, so it's even worse; being skinny is not only a mental health issue and an aesthetical aspiration but a class climbing one too. i actually wish people would let others exist, i wish from viewers to influencers to designers, acknowledge others and let them happily exist.

Your videos should be played to young people, teachers, parents, friends of Ed people. Your honesty is liberating and so safely informative! This conversation needs to happen!!!

I try to meet people where they're at and accept them. What else can I do? Shaming people into performative normalcy doesn't work.

@electricfishfan7159

5 ай бұрын

Simple, true, and well said.

It's sad how many toxic people get a twisted thrill out of hating on Eugenia and the Foodie Beauties out there of course. It's toxic hate that's pretty vile and extremely unhelpful to the actual people involved.

@jennsimpson_backup3333

5 ай бұрын

We don't hate foodie because of he resting habits. It more to do with the animal abuse, facilitating and platforming a predator and all around cuntishness The way she eats is like...way down the list of reasons she gets hate.

@marlyd

5 ай бұрын

Regardless of her body type, Foodie Beauty is quite objectively an awful person so I wish no harm on her and hope she beats her food related problems one day but she is actually an awful awful person who deserves to be called out on everything she does and says about other people.

@Dawnandlo

5 ай бұрын

Foodie Beauty is an animal abusing, lying, rape apologist who even provided a false alibi for a convicted felon who is again accused of rape. FB isn't a good example.

@HEALTHNFITNESSHIPPIEWITCH

5 ай бұрын

When it comes to the fat positive movement is extremely toxic been overweight or obese kills you as well I don't support that movement one little bit

@sprootybangbang5372

5 ай бұрын

It's not about supporting obesity, it's about not being mean to people who clearly have an eating disorder. The ones who starve hide behind fashion, art and the romanticised image of being emaciated. The ones who binge hide behind humour, "tradition" and ride the wave of body positivity. Both hide their true selves because of self hatred, pain and trauma. Have empathy.

2:27 YES. Thank you for putting this into words. A lot of these obviously-still-struggling women remind me of myself during the worst of my addiction; reassuring everyone that I’m sober & doing better, all while nodding out mid-sentence. I WANTED to be sober. But it wasn’t that easy. Recovery is hard, painful work. And it’s usually a long process to get there, no matter what your disorder is. But everyone expects you to just immediately GET IT, and get it perfectly right the first time. You’re not allowed to struggle. My partner used to tell me, “I just want you to be honest with me”, but he absolutely did NOT. He wanted honesty only if it fit the perfect-recovery narrative he had in his mind. I wasn’t allowed to mess up, so it was easier to lie to him & everyone else, while I struggled behind the scenes.

@violetsnotroses3640

5 ай бұрын

I felt very similarly when I was a teenager dealing with a pretty severe anxiety disorder. It felt like I was only allowed to talk about it if I was talking about getting better. Part of that was not being able to find anyone online who would talk about what it’s like without talking about how to fix it. I had treatment, I didn’t need help with that. I just wanted to hear that I wasn’t as alone as I felt.

@margodphd

4 ай бұрын

Yeah, asking for honesty and immediately punishing someone for being honest is just... not the way to go about being supportive.

I just want to say thank you Dorian, because your “gave myself anorexia” video made me feel so seen. I was, still am, the exact same. When I started cut down I was always like “I’ll do this for a year, my parents will give me the treatment I need without me having to ask for it, I’ll go back to normal and my **actual** issues Will be dealt with. Spoiler alert, 4 years later, with a year of quasi recovery while I was too catatonically depressed to care anymore, I’m still here, meddling on and constantly on the fence on wether I’ll try recover on my own or just sink deeper so the healthcare system will take me seriously lol. In a way I ”gave myself anorexia” but before i started controlling my intake i was already engaging in triggering content.Rn I’m so fin done with it all, and your videos are so raw it comforts me and makes me feel seen in this meddling swampland of an illness.

Thank you, Dorian. You're such a good role model for kids who are thinking about going down that path because you're telling the truth of how awful that illness is. People need to hear from people who have gone through it. They need to hear it from someone who is cool! Thank you for being willing to put this out there about yourself. It's really necessary these days especially with all the social media and just photos people have these days. I lost a friend due to AIDS 30 years ago and I don't have a single picture of us. Can you imagine that these days!?! Plus the ever changing nature of social media. It's not healthy to base your insides based on someone else's outsides. It's just impossible, especially for women. ❤

@ctobolsk

5 ай бұрын

I’m very sorry for your loss. I grew up in the 80’s and remember the whole fear of AIDS thing so well. It was such a dark time for so many people. I’m glad that is getting better now. I also have friends I’ve never had a picture of, and that is one positive of social media, that we have so many pictures and videos of our friends now.

@Blackhorselove1

5 ай бұрын

I just finished commenting about how Dorian’s videos have helped me swerve the negative path I was on. You are so right! These videos are so important to have on the internet!

@SlpBeauty333

5 ай бұрын

@@ctobolsk Thank you. My parents sold the house and moved to a retirement place which is right next to the cemetery where he's buried. At least I get to visit. I don't know if it's a great idea to have so many pictures. I think it puts pressure on kids who aren't old enough yet to understand that those things are fake. In NY there is legislation pending about restricting social media for kids. Being so focused on things that are fake isn't good for them.

@SlpBeauty333

5 ай бұрын

@@Blackhorselove1 I'm so glad you made better choices! Plus, Dorian is super cute and fashionable. That helps with a younger audience. They can be cool without the ED!

i can't believe that eugenia is still alive, i really can't believe it. also i can't understand why she is still posting on youtube without getting videos removed.

@nyct0phile

5 ай бұрын

honestly the ethics of removing videos merely because someone's mental illness is visable could set precedent for a MULTITUDE of issues. just imagine how many other people they'd have to ban, people who are open about their eds and even those who are underweight but maybe not even there yet. on the opposite end of the spectrum would we start demanding we take down videos of people with other eds like bed, bullimia, etc.? what about people who are iverweight, since they could be seen as "glorifying unhealthyness" or whatever argument people are making about eugenia. where would we ever draw the line? dorian has a video somewhere talking about this, ill try to find it again if anyones interested. anyway hope this helps 💙

@xoluciaxo_3721

5 ай бұрын

I purposely don’t follow her on any platforms, but curiousity keeps me checking her name into youtube every few weeks. Seeing that she hasn’t posted since new years worries me.. I don’t know if she’s posted on another platform, but for all i know she’s already 1 foot out the door

@Aashka_The_Mystic

5 ай бұрын

She's starting to look like Rachel Farrokh or Amy or at least getting there. These women were/are lucky to be alive as long as they were. But they are in their 40s. It's possible Eugenia could live another 10 years or so, but we are going to see her look worse and worse.

@kawaiilotus

4 ай бұрын

For me it's Atticus (just type in Atticus eating disorder on a search engine if you don't know who I'm talking about), there's nothing left of her but she's been alive in that state for years, the human bodies ability to withstand trauma is bloody terrifying!

@zaphraud

4 ай бұрын

Eugenia will outlive us all.

What you said about the more chaotic EDs I definitely feel that. It always feels so hopeless because it's so difficult to break out of the cycle. When you're actively trying to get sicker its frustrating when you feel not sick enough but once you are visibly sick to others it becomes so much harder to recover as it feels like its your identity now and its become routine. That pressure and fear of gaining weight is strong. My heart goes out to anyone attempting recovery. It's not always linear.

ED is so complex and so complicated. It's frustrating and really sad. For me? It was never, ever about the weight ( until I started trying to recover , then it was definitely the weight) I was extremely stressed. Extremely. I didn't " have time to eat" . Then I'd remember seeing these tiny women, " I was thinking, I wish I was that little. Only to hear I was smaller. Weird weird weird.

@kittygoesWOOF

5 ай бұрын

I didn't feel like I deserved to eat. Being homeless and having gone without didn't help. It really wasn't about weight for me either. Maybe in the very very early throws of it all, but like you, it was extreme anxiety and stress. There are loads of other reasons too. I think there's a lot of outdated and misleading information, even on reputable sites. It's been so black and white for so long that it's made it even harder for people to get help. EDs are almost always more than the actual ED. In my unprofessional opinion.

@tracyfrederick5606

5 ай бұрын

@@kittygoesWOOF control, or the lack. When mental illness is involved, nothing is black and white. I didn't do body checks. No pictures. I really didn't weigh myself too much. I'm glad you beat it ! Or at least that you're recovering 💚 #warrior

@kittygoesWOOF

5 ай бұрын

@@tracyfrederick5606 I think it's always a work in progress to some degree. I didn't do the physical things either. It's so varied from person to person which is why I think a community for people to get advice or share their struggles and have that support could be really helpful. I see so many for substances but not many for ED in a moderated, healthy way.

@hopeboyherewithyourmcdonal3634

5 ай бұрын

This is very real. Invisalign and the time constraints it put on eating was the trigger for my ED, and for over a year I was convinced that the amount I was eating was normal. Once the habits were set, the weight struggle started, and have continued after Invisalign treatment (getting better in recovery) EDs *are* very complex

@Moocow2003

4 ай бұрын

That's how it was for me when I started engaging in ED behaviours. I wouldn't let myself 'give in' to not eating because I didn't want to worry my family and I wanted to keep up outward appearances, but I wanted to. I didn't check calories on anything because I knew I'd avoid foods if I saw a number I didn't like. Ironically, I ended up overestimating the calories in everything and undereating anyway when I thought I was eating enough. For me it was extreme stress and feeling like I didn't deserve food plus some sensory issues surrounding smells & textures making a lot of food unappealing at the time. When I was in a better mental state and decided to start working on my relationship with food, tracking calories actually really helped me as it quantified food as energy & I couldn't ignore the fact that I was not giving myself enough energy anymore. At first my motivation to get better was simply because my boyfriend was worried about me but now it's for my own sake because I really enjoy having more energy, sleeping better at night, having more emotional resilience and not feeling so damn cold all the time!

Social contagion is a real thing. Culture has a lot to do with self image. When I was in the process of escaping an extremely abusive marriage, I couldn't eat anything except yogurt or plain oatmeal. The stress was killing me. I had to visit some relatives in America, and I saw some friends at the same time. They all told me "You look AMAZING!" and praised my body. When I got back to my own country, my friends here asked "Are you OK? You look really pale and thin. Are you eating?"

As someone going through a relapse myself right now (stress/life circumstances related), I related so much to what u said about ur body matching how broken u feel inside. Thank u for articulating it so well, always love ur vids 💜

@marymartin2154

5 ай бұрын

Sending you lots of love.

I'm very interested to hear your insight to Ariana Grande's current appearance.

I do think that one of my least favorite parts of this whole eating disorder is that I’m extremely competitive and while it doesn’t always make me immediately relapse it is like a little bug in my brain constantly nagging at me and eating away at me and I do end up beating myself over not being sick enough or rather never having been sick enough in the past. I’m a freshman, I’ve relapsed multiple times already throughout my life but the summer before this school year I felt for the first time in a really long time that I was becoming comfortable at a higher weight and truly eating whatever I want. A year before this I had been the sickest one in my friend group even though none of them knew or noticed which still hurts. I knew I was the sickest because they wouldn’t try to hide it like I did so I was still able to compare myself to them and I was really thin but only enough to where my parents were slightly concerned but not my friends (although they would point out how tiny I was) and to the point where I had done damage to my body. I’m probably not wording any of this well so bare with me. This helped me feel validated though ever so slightly like yeah okay maybe no one noticed but I was most definitely the tiniest in the friend group at all times. Beginning of this school year I come back to school and I have a gym class with one of my friends from said friend group and I find out from her (as like I said they were more open than me) that she had been starving herself all summer and she continued starving herself throughout the first 1-2 months of the school year. I could see her getting thinner and thinner and I would change with her for the gym and she didn’t try hiding herself so every single day I saw her full bones out I could see her ribs I could see her back the way that her bra didn’t give her a roll on her back and I started comparing her body not only to mine at the time but also to me at my sickest and it was absolutely horrifying to realize that she had gotten sicker than I had ever been. I was no longer the sickest or the smallest of the friend group I was miserable and it didn’t help that she was constantly telling me about how weak she felt and that her parents were worried and she could feel her bones and this and that it made me so mad but obviously she’s still my friends so o still felt worried for her so I let her talk it out with me. I’m the beginning of the year I relapsed because I was stuck with my friend who had gotten sicker than I had ever been every single day. I feel horrible knowing that I’m still jealous of her like super jealous, she only recovered because her mom forced her to otherwise she said she’s take her impatient. I never got that. The coach let her sit out one day because she was crying and sobbing that she hadn’t eaten in two days. That never happened to me. She dropped double the weight I had during my worst relapse and I’m half the time none the less. Sorry that I rang in your comments it’s just I try to journal about these feelings but for some reason it’s hard to organize my thoughts, maybe because I have so many on this subject and on this part of my life as it really is part of my life now I mean I developed it in elementary. It’s easier when I hear you talk about a certain section of it and then I can write it all down. I hope you don’t mind me working through my own stuff in your comments.

Your words are the only and first thing that got through to me a few years ago, it sounds so toxic, but I'd often watch people talk about side effects of eating disorders just feeling like "Ha, it won't happen to me/ it's worth all that to look as sick as I feel mentally" so insane when I think back on it now...but I know I was just totally delusional. I know the only way to 'fully' recover (as much as you can, the mental battle will most likely haunt you in some way forever) is to actually want it for yourself and get professional help...but your videos talking so openly and honestly about as much of the full picture of this complex mental illness as I've ever seen anyone do, it made me think so much. Combined with my heart starting to be messed up a few years ago, I was thrown into this whole big scare, my world was completely turned around and I thought for the first time "I really don't want to die like this, and just because I didn't die now doesn't mean it can happen suddenly the longer this goes on". I got help, talked about it the first time while being institutionalized and consider myself fully recovered now, 27 years old, a few years later, physically and mentally. Sorry for the ramble, but I just wanted to thank you in some way, I guess. For the way your videos about this had and still have a huge impact on me. (Sorry for any mess ups, lol, english is not my first language) Sending you so much love, dorian ❤

interesting this pops up on my page; tons of ed/sh accounts showed up on my twitter, a lot of others have experienced this. its triggering and awful and scary how accessible it is.

There is another side to EDs....that of people who have Binge eating disorder (without bullemia). Its something which i have struggled with since my early teens, and was only told in my late 50s that it is a recognised ED. Its a disorder that is little understood, and many of those trying to live with it are mocked and bullied, and are also ignored/brushed off by medical professionals.

I absolutely love all of your ED videos, because we agree on so many things and it's awesome to see someone else who's so solid in their remission but still talks about it to keep others from falling in. I made sure to delete all of the photographs, but I kept most of the clothes. Kept them in storage where I couldn't see them for years. Brought them back out recently because I thought they "might fit" my extremely underweight (non-ED, completely different reasons) partner. It's one thing to say "I think this might fit you." It's another thing entirely to look at a person whose BMI you know is under 15 and realize "Holy crap, that actually fits you really well and looks great on you." Because then you get to asking yourself the question: Was I really that bad? I never got that bad! I never *felt* that bad! There is *no way* all of this stuff used to fit me! Not so with Gen Z, where everything needs to be documented and videoed and selfied and Insta'ed and it doesn't count unless you immediately put it online. This video made me stop and say a prayer of thanksgiving at the end that I'm not part of the generation for whom everything needs to go online. I don't have Instagram or Twitter or TikTok or Tumblr; I'm probably one of the last wave of people who literally can't self-trigger. I can't and don't want to imagine how different it is for people who grow up learning that they can make a living being skeletal online. Make a living, and also make a dying. But they see the living part, the part where if they get thin enough then they'll get clicks no matter what their content's about. If you're 34 or older, take a moment to thank whatever deity you believe in for the relative ease of pro-recovery in our era.

yesterday was my birthday, recently i’ve fallen into eating disorders again,when i do i always always come here because you make me feel like i’m not alone, that it’s not just me. thank you

@ciarakristos111

4 ай бұрын

❤

Hey! I was hospitalized for a WEEK for my long-time struggle with anorexia and I am still in recovery! The accounts you're talking about made it seem normal and fine to be disordered like that (even making me feel like I wasn't doing enough to myself) and really f'ed me up. Thank you for speaking on this issue because it's going unspoken tally caged by anorexia, I can see how these disorders are advertised to young girls BLATANTLY. Young women are being taken advantage of through social media and it needs to stop.

Dorian, I thank you so much for your blunt delivery when it comes to your ED experience. I’m convinced your warnings of the effects of doing these things has had the biggest positive impact on me, i.e. they have kept me from descending into the depths of ED. I appreciate you so much, and I love your content. There’s no real way to say anything more without getting into parasocial idolization, but know that your videos mean a lot to me. 🖤🤘🏻

You are so good describing things I have buried in my subconcious, after being anorexic. Thank you so much, it helps me process those difficult times.

I’ve gone from 240lb to 100lb in 2 years.. I asked for help because I knew this relapse is gonna be downright awful. But nobody wants to help me. I have my ED for 12 years now. And I think my body is slowly giving up. But I wanna life so badly…

@carlycrays2831

5 ай бұрын

I was recently at 240 lbs and while I have been trying to lose weight, and have lost weight, this was honestly one of my biggest fears. Just the idea of losing weight and not really being able to stop. My grandpa died because he was losing weight and it essentially sent his body into shock and he just couldn't stop losing weight. Have you tried getting a full medical workup?

@kristena5825

2 ай бұрын

You want to live: that means you haven't lost the fight even if you feel broken. Please keep trying, I promise you're worth it. Every day that you have chosen to try or to hope or even just to live is proof that you deserve another chance to make the same choice tomorrow. Your mind wants to live, and your mind is who you are. Your body doesn't own your mind. You are not your illness. You are a unique, infinite, beautiful being who exists far beyond the confines of this earthly plain, and you deserve health and happiness as much as anyone else. Wherever you are, take a second and look around you and try to find something beautiful. Something small, something big, anything that has beauty. When you find it, remember that whatever that beautiful thing is, at its most basic and fundamental level, it is made of the same thing you are. So if that beautiful thing deserves to be seen and appreciated by you, then you deserve the same thing. ❤️❤️❤️

As someone who has suffered from an ED, it’s problematic that some of the anorexic content creators aren’t really on a recovery journey, but are just showing off their ED’s while under the guise of getting healthy. It cheats the ones who legitimately are trying to improve themselves. Its a shame that topics like this are not discussed enough with young people..Kids really don’t understand how an ED affects someone, because of creators who are so emaciated pretend to be just fine. Nothing is ever wrong and there’s really nothing to see, but “success”, in the body checks…. At least age restricted is a start to make vulnerable individuals more safe. My heart breaks for Eugenia as a person, but I’m so tired of her trying to act like she’s not a part of the problem. It’s total bull shit. 🐂🍂

So glad you are on KZread, Dorian. You are the voice others need to fully understand ED content. You’ve been through it, you’ve been there during the rise of the internet, and many people speaking on this have not. Appreciate you ❤

Eugenia hasn't had live-streaming ripped away from her. She can still stream. She's just age-restricted. Which means she's not making as much money as she used to, and she's sulking.

@kristie3592

5 ай бұрын

Forgive me, and this isn't about EC herself, but I do NOT want my 9 year old daughter watching her or any ED or pro Anna content. My daughter is pudgy and complains about her body already. She is 9. I don't want her to think this is even a thing at her age. Maybe I am sticking my head in the sand, but I don't really know how else to protect her.

@sydney4271

5 ай бұрын

​@@kristie3592if a 9 yr old has access to twitch, KZread, and they are watching pro-ana content that's on you. Nobody else. Social media isn't for kids.

@sydney4271

5 ай бұрын

​@@kristie3592 the only way to keep a child safe from the Internet is to keep them off of it.

@velinas_

5 ай бұрын

​@@sydney4271Which doesn't work in 2024. The child would grow up socially inadequate, which is not better. Monitoring what is and isn't permitted and discussing certain topics works better, even if it takes time.

@citrinedreaming

5 ай бұрын

@@velinas_i don’t think avoiding the internet makes one socially inadequate…

thank you for talking about the expectation to be constantly in a very intense state of recovery and constantly pulling Ws, i feel so hyperaware of myself to be "recovering" and have this unwavering want to be this very healthy perfect rational person, and its honestly unhelpful and leads to alot of shame especially as someone doing this alone and also the expectation to like do it all on your own im honestly struggling and stagnating. im not giving up yet, but really thank you for your videos, they bring me back to reality, and you have such a compassionate and nuanced eye and way of speaking that reaches out and is understandable.

I absolutely love your content you have taught me just how nuanced the world of ED is. You always bring such a balanced perspective that honestly I don’t see anywhere else. Thank you

You are so amazing at explaining things, and so genuinely kindhearted! You have helped me better understand what my friend with an ED is going through, and I want to sincerely thank you for that ❤

Your video showed up on my thread. I thought what a stunning person. I started watching and you are a truly good and honest person. It has been a long since I have someone touch my heart the way you have. Thank you your videos are wonderful and hopefully those who needs to hear your words do. Please keep waffling on and on. Your words are important.

The gun that was built and what hit the trigger for me was actually amberlynn Reid. A few years ago I was a little overweight and I got the fear of being her size (I was nowhere near her size) so my disorder really started then. I lost a lot of weight and got really sick. I am at a healthier weight now and think I have recovered but I still have bad habits.

@Moocow2003

4 ай бұрын

wanting to watch amberlynn reid is like a litmus test for me to tell where i'm at mentally. I used to watch her videos to put me off eating bc I saw myself reflected in her lack of discipline for anything and I felt that food was the one way in which I had more self control than her. It's so gross looking back on it. And I didn't have more control, we're just different people whose problems presented in different ways. I honestly find her content very boring now but it is interesting to see what foods they have in America. I would love to visit one day and try the orange chicken from Cheesecake Factory just to see what all the fuss is about :p

@aastranova

4 ай бұрын

@@Moocow2003 it's not that great. most people here in the states are used to this "nice food" but its really professional reheaters "making" their food. if you do come to the states good luck and check food poisoning reviews before you go, I don't eat out anymore because so many people just get sick from poor practices in the restaurants. i highly would recommend a culvers, culvers hasn't done me wrong...yet.

I found your channel couple years into a relapse. Your words have helped me convey things to family that I couldn’t explain myself. Thank you for helping bridge that gap.

Hi Dorian. Thank you for always keeping it real. Recovering from any kind of addictive disorder is damnably difficult. ED recovery is even more challenging because of course we have to eat. Tough love doesn’t work for any of this shit, but again especially for Ana. Three people close to me have EDs. My heart hurts for them. I don’t know, I’ve never known what to do. Nothing, I know. Just love them without enabling them. I try. You don’t ever beat this. Recovery is a process, not an event. Once we develop an addiction, it’ll be with us all our lives in one form or another.

As someone who fought bulimia, and then binge eating disorder (still struggling with that one tbh), your videos help more than you know. I feel less alone, I feel understood, and I never feel excluded because you don't treat binge eating disorder as "just put down the fork". That last part is so, so important to me, so thank you. Thank you for speaking about this, for being inclusive of all eating disorders and not just "if you aren't underweight you don't really have an eating disorder" (which was said to me in the throes of my bulimia). You're amazing, and I appreciate you in everything you do on this channel. Thank you for everything, and all the love to you, Dorian. 💜

My mother was so controlling and she made it like everything had to be perfect so i see where mine came from.

Thank you for everything you do Dorian. I’ve been in denial of my ED since I was 12. I’m 17 now, getting ready to go to university and have been really struggling with managing the stress of that with my recovery. There was a time when I thought I wasn’t ED’d because I never fully lost weight, I was always “skinny” so what I did lose, no one noticed. Thank you for talking about how hard it is when you’ve been struggling for years

I haven't watched your clips in a long time(maybe a year), and there's sth in your look, voice and facial expression that seems so..restored.I remember sth about your older videos when you'd share your struggles. And now it 's so apparent you're doing so much better. Bravo:3

I love so much how you bring awarness to something so important! I'm a binge eater and it just.. brings comfort to know this is something that is talked about Thank you ❤

Thank you for the care you take when speaking on this topic. You have a wonderful way of showing all the grey that we all exist in.

There’s recent studies and scary scary pictures about the huge decrease in brain mass in anorexics so honestly I think you’re right. I think your brain is not functioning at that point.

Ran across this post. Compliments to you on your accurate information about ED and sensitivity to its difficulties. Years ago I had a family member with severe anorexia. It was awful watching her go through that, and learning we couldn’t really help, but we could make it worse. So we had to get our own therapy. Years later, they are well. I’m grateful this was before social media really exploded. The idea that people are comparing themselves to others online, and there is a global exposure and unlimited attention (positive and negative) is truly sad. It’s hard enough to deal with besides adding in the current push for everybody to become a Somebody. Keep up your work because it sounds very needed and valuable.

Thank you for continuing to make videos about this, it’s a world that so many that don’t experience and suffer with EDs just don’t know about and I think your videos are so knowledgeable, compassionate, and well delivered. ❤

Hey Dorian. Thank you so much for continuing to talk about ed and the ways they effect young people. You’re videos helped me when my younger sister was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Your openness on this topic helped me inform our parents and get my sister the help she needed. She is now 5 years into recovery. I’m in school now trying to become a school psychologist and work with kids like her who are struggling. Wishing you the best, River.

The insight of one who has lived it is always the most powerful. Thank you Dorian

I'm so happy I've found your channel and love how eloquently and expertly you discuss these really major issues.

I’m 16 now, but a few years ago I stumbled across your videos about ED meetups of the 2000s while I was deep in the thralls of my own eating disorder. I think it was the first thing that made me realize what I was doing to myself. I eat freely nowadays and I’m extremely thankful for your videos.

Im so thankful that you are still here Dorian, fighting your battles whatever they are. Your books are really good, and I look forward to seeing what you create next. I love your videos and perspectives, waffling, admire your makeup, hair and style. Your cool creations (like your little bat, hats sweaters arm covers ect). I'm a 41 year old Canadian goth mom of1. I wish I knew you in real life.

I'm truly thankful that you've mentioned the "chaotic" ED at around 8 minute mark. I've been struggling with it for most of my life and I'm approaching being 30 years old. It is horrible and destroys so many aspects of your life, especially your social life. I feel like its rarely talked about, so do know that it meant a world to me and gave me a bit of peace for the night, when I usually spiral the most. Thank you.

@j.t.6456

5 ай бұрын

Im the exact same and 27 now! I also appreciated that moment ❤ it is also more difficult because i dont have the "look" people imagine when i say i have an ED. Im midsize like size 12-16 depending on my constant weight fluctuations. It is incredibly stressful and i have a lot of illogical behaviors and beliefs about food. What really is debilitating in a way is how unpredictable my ED is at times. Sometimes i starve, sometimes binge, sometimes i only wanna have a veeeery specific comfort food. One of my comfort food is french fries (especially with cheese). It doesnt seem like a healthy snack or what is expected typically of someone with an ED (most ppl assume ED having ppl only eat raw vegetables) but there was a time where for MONTHS i could only eat fries. Everything else was disgusting and my family would try to coax me to eat something else because i was so weak.

This is the first video I've watched on the subject of ED as I usually avoid the subject. I starved myself down to an unhealthy weight when I was in my late teens. I was lucky, though, and I was caught before the addiction became too difficult to move away from. But what you said about "ghosts" really spoke to me, because even now in my mid-50s I still find myself daydreaming about "doing something like that again but with awareness so it'd be healthier". There is something in me that never quite let go, and I have to be careful. So many of the things you've mentioned in this video about image and triggers have brought uncomfortable self-awareness to me, and I'm going to watch your other videos. Thank you for doing this.

You always talk about the things that have been going through my head. I know you mentioned heroin chic in a few past videos but i even thought that before you posted. But this might be the comeback era along with y2k becoming such a big trend. I felt like during my ed when i recovered it finally died off but now its been insane. I cant even use IG anymore because its just underweight girls and ones completely doing it for the thrust trap..and as someone recovered on and off, it does not help staying at least healthy.. but even at that its everywhere. I was walking in NYC over the weekend and saw a billboard for ozempic of shooting in an already slim body..i couldnt believe it. Also, i always adore how you put things. So quotable and i appreciate you always taking the outside stance to speak up about things that need to be. Much love to you and everyone

never had an eating disorder but started dieting recently, and oh my god. the amount of ed vlog content i’ve gotten is insane, and its all validated as “totally okay” because there’s a trigger warning at the beginning before the influencer proceeds to document exactly how many calories they’ve been eating, posing explicitly to show their bones, all set to cutesy music and presented as an ideal lifestyle. it makes me ache, so many of them are just high schoolers and the majority of commenters watch it as inspiration.

I definitely thing age restricting is the answer for some of these accounts. For all the people saying it's the parents job...It is but we all kids will find a way. We rate movies and games so when you drop your 13 year old off at the mall they aren't buying games they shouldn't or seeing movies they shouldn't. I don't think they should be banned for having a mental illness and they deserve kindness, but letting kids see this is doing them a disservice

you are my favorite KZreadr, I’ve never found someone who articulates these subjects so well. As an ex heroin addict (very different from ED, but society wise, both are addictive disorders seen as taboo) I feel heavy empathy for anyone with an addictive disorder because we are immediately expected to beat ourselves down if we’re not recovering, or lie and say we’re recovering when we’re not. And then, if it’s discovered we’ve relapsed or weren’t as well as we thought we were, we are beaten down further under the guise of people trying to “help us”. Maybe if the world offered more room for honest about their addiction or how they are feeling, more people could get help. Addiction is so complex, whether it’s to an actual drug, or disordered eating, no one who hasn’t dealt with it can comprehend how complex it is. We are our own worst enemies. There is NOTHING others who haven’t been in our shoes can tell us that we haven’t told ourselves.

I started having disordered eating (atypical anorexia nervosa) when I was in middle school, just after I joined track. Doctors had been trying to make me diet since the age of nine as my baby fat hadn't gone away. It culminated with my OCD getting so much worse.The feeling of having someone watch me eat made my skin crawl, and as well as that I had an intense, latent desire to look "healthy" because it felt as though no one believed I could be with a soft belly. All that to say, I've been in recovery since being inpatient for unrelated reasons in the summer after I graduated 8th, and yours is the first channel discussing ED that hurts in the good way to watch instead of the triggering way. Thank you for the solace and helping me get my emotions towards food in order. Thank you for speaking on your own experiences instead of making baseless assumptions on what EDed people suffer or think or feel.

As someone with an ed and in recovery of my addictions I agree1000% with everything you said especially how non addicts/ ed persons don’t have realistic expectations for us not understanding how hard it is to let go. It took me 8 years to let go of heroin and I never kept a man longer than 5. I was in love addiction is a lot like toxic love. Can’t say no to it it controls everything you say and do and gaslights the fuck outta you to make you afraid to leave.

I’m currently 23 and I had anorexia from 14-21. I am still struggling with the mentality aspect of it. I’m trying my best to maintain my weight, but my mind really gets to me sometimes. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from it. Anytime I’m doing well and gain weight, my thoughts get dark. I start seeing myself in a different light and assume everyone must think the same. I get depressed and spiral back down. I was hospitalized twice because of it and admitted into a psychiatric facility as well. I have bad body dysmorphia and that makes it all the more difficult. I’m proud to say I’m back to a healthy weight yet again. I’m hoping to stay here. It takes a lot to get better and I’m really glad to see someone who is so insightful on the subject. I never get to talk about my experience with suffering from anorexia because there is not a lot of knowledge on the way it works. Especially when it comes to the damage that is done to your body. Not just on the outside, but the inside. Eating is hard for me, but I have a supportive mom, brother, and boyfriend. They help me so much and are so patient with me. Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve them because of the choices I have made while going through my eating disorder. Thank you so much for spreading awareness and knowledge. You’re such a kind soul and I appreciate your insight so much. ❤ To anyone who read this, thank you for reading my story. Learn to love yourself and be kind to yourself. I wouldn’t wish my experience on my worst enemy. You’re truly a wonderful human being. 🤍✨

thankyou for talking about this so candidly. you're literally the only person I've seen who's talking about it from experience too, which is hugely validating. thank you.

I do very much appreciate you and your honest commentary. All this is so hard. I’ve struggled with Ed behavior on and off since I lived with my dad in college and full on alcoholic bulimia since 2019 and it’s been absolute hell cause it’s just me and my therapist. My husband knows about the drinking issue but not the bulimia cause he wouldn’t understand at all…it’s all a hot mess. And it’s so hard being a mom and a role model for my girls and teaching them so much better than I am doing. I am so grateful for your honesty. Please know despite the haters you are so appreciated and loved . Thank you darling

Damn everything you said is literally how I felt as a teen when I was restricting and thankfully never fully got to be my "goal" and all that, it's crazy how sick you can be and not understand it

What’s sad is so many (usually) young ppl are in denial that you can be both severely underweight and fully 100% recovered. No idc that you’ve been underweight your entire life (especially if you developed your ed very young) you cannot be a bmi 14 adult and fully recovered you’re still hanging onto your ed and controlling your weight in an unhealthy way. If you want to semi recover or do harm reduction that’s different and it is wrong to tell ppl you’re both fully recovered and have gained maybe 5-10lbs since your lowest weight so you’re still severely underweight. Please do not spread misinformation to these vulnerable and impressionable viewers. It is one thing not to address your health on the internet and it’s another to lie + spread misinformation. I do think disordered ppl should be allowed to post online. That’s not the issue. It’s more nuanced than that.

Yessss my gosh hearing you talk about people’s expectations on people with ED or addiction getting better immediately was absolutely spot on. You’re so right! It took me 3-4 years of ripping and running until I got clean

I want to thank you Dorian for all your hope and respect. I have a variety of eating issues but currently binging. This weekend I thought about eating some food that had set out all night and I thought about one of Dorian’s videos and struggled thru throwing the food away instead. I felt proud.