The fact that they gave me a weight loss add right in the middle of this video… it doesn’t end 💀

@MC-tl5bf

5 ай бұрын

yup

@knittingwithlisa

5 ай бұрын

may I ask youtube why they think they constantly need to trigger ED people with these stupidly dangerous weight loss adds

@mzcyberbat

5 ай бұрын

With me it's the reverse. I got Timtam adds. It's an Australian chocolate biscuit.

@mandyknight1410

5 ай бұрын

Council of Geeks made a video describing how to stop this, she talks about it for anti-trans stuff, but it’s the same thing for diet stuff. kzread.info/dash/bejne/pJtnuattqLXYp8Y.htmlsi=nfjSIf_xBztjQzQ2 It’s pretty disgusting when you think about why… weight loss companies would target ED recovery videos…

@dhoffrynx3

5 ай бұрын

@ville__just subbed

“The only person who knows how sick you are is you” that hit me hard

@badnewsbeca

5 ай бұрын

​@ville__probably bcuz ur homophobic and ur one video sucks

@margodphd

5 ай бұрын

Yep. So many medical professionals fall into the trap of using questionnaires or worse, weight, to judge severity of ED instead of just.. you know, listening to the patient, really listening. The way ED treatment is filled with so much control leaves little space for trust which is just.. paramount. I don't understand how someone working with people suffering from ED can say, to a patient, in good faith, "you aren't that sick" - and expect anything positive to come out of it.

My best tool to battle my eating disorder is to meal plan with my daughter. I want her to eat well so we always come up with yummy and healthy recipes. I don’t go online for my medical needs too many people DO and that’s the issue.

@KatieM786

5 ай бұрын

This is something that helps me too - I go through phases of hating it and loving it but it's a habit my husband had before we got married and moved in together

@Nana-km4gw

5 ай бұрын

That’s beautiful, sending love!

@FronteirWolf

5 ай бұрын

Meal planning was my lifeline in recovery and I couldn't have managed to do it without my mum.

@80islandia

5 ай бұрын

This sounds lovely! I am an adult daughter of a parent who had a lot of fears around food and weight, and have had my struggles with disordered eating as a result. It warms my heart to hear from parents like you who are want to nurture their kids and set them up for healthy relationships with food. Thank you ❤

i've definitely had an "anorexia fairytale", and one for self harm too. yours sounds very similar to mine, except i wanted my friends to notice and intervene and help me themselves, rather than my family or a doctor. obviously, this would never in a million years happen because i was 13 and none of my friends were older than 17. nobody there had the knowledge or experience to even know what was going on, much less help me. someone i dated once ended up helping me out of a relapse some years later, but it wasn't like how i expected it to be. shockingly, a couple years of getting basic encouragement once in a while is not a magic cure for my eating disorder. i think fantasies like these are probably very common in mentally ill children/teens, and it makes sense that they might carry on into adulthood.

@margodphd

5 ай бұрын

We all want to be seen, it's only human. Asking for help is still seen differently as being offered help, and so many people seem to want their body to portray their suffering outwardly. As if only when someone notices our suffering, it's validated as real, as not something we "made up". All of us wanted someone to notice, in a way, because that would mean we are important,loved... That we exist and our existence truly matters. Even people that, for all intents and purposes, masqueraded well, drop hints, as if wanting to check if anyone's paying attention.

I’m 55. Had disordered eating since 12 years old. I am not underweight. I engage in all kinds of unhealthy thoughts and behaviors which I will not extol here. It can mess with your head for your whole life. It’s real and difficult and it’s very painful and distracting.

@bestlesbian1553

5 ай бұрын

This comment made me so upset my eating disorder started at the same age and this makes me think that I might be stuck with this ed til the day I die, which just sounds so depressing I really only wish the best for you!! And I hope you’ll recover one day

@go2hellgrl

5 ай бұрын

@@bestlesbian1553 I appreciate that. It has improved but there is always hope. Don’t be discouraged.❤

The monochrome magenta look is soooo flattering on you

The parallel with addiction was brilliant and scary. Back when I was in active addiction, I remember everyone spilling their "pearls of wisdom" on how to get off, but only AFTER they'd fix themselves up. Furthermore, you don't need to be a zombie living on the streets to have an extremely serious and deadly problem. In fact, not most but literally all of the people I knew back then who are no longer with us and who never lived to see their 30th birthday, were from well off families and living rather comfortable lives. Until they weren't. Living that is.

@milascave2

5 ай бұрын

When AA was new, and a young person came in with early stage alcoholism, the members would tell you that you had not hit bottom yet, and should come back when their alcoholism gets worse. Later, they figured out that this is a bad idea, and that whenever somebody comes in for help, they should get it. There is really no benefit to waiting until your their and health are ruined. Now they say, "Bottom is when you decide to stop digging." In other words, you yourself get to decide when you have hit bottom.

@pink_goddess1855

5 ай бұрын

@@milascave2i’m addicted to some pretty heavy painkillers and i feel like getting clean is next to impossible. i wish i was strong enough to stop.

@margodphd

5 ай бұрын

​@@pink_goddess1855You are. I stopped after 19 years, most of my adult life, starting at 12. You absolutely can. It will be miserable at times, but if I could do it - you can. Withdrawal doesn't have to be the worst part - ask for help. Get on buprenorphine or methadone maintenance, if available - it'll give you opportunity to stabilise, to seek therapy (whether it's self reflection and mindfulness or organised form - doesn't matter). Give yourself a chance. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, you know. It's small steps,one day at a time, and you can start that journey at any moment. Why not today?

just the title and thumbnail is striking me (and the intro) and honestly yes. i have been to ed res and the amount of comparison in recovery spaces, such as “this person stays at a barely healthy bmi and can get it together?” i was on tumblr during their pro ana days, as well as hellspace that was ed insta circa 2017. it was chalk full of underweight pseudo-recovered individuals who are still in a cycle of self destruction. especially with the inherently competitive nature of ed’s for some. i even got into my head “if i am not at risk of a heart attack, i am not sick, and don’t need treatment.”

@angeltheprocrastinator8014

5 ай бұрын

@ville__i hope you had a wonderful day!

@hwoods-kg1jf

5 ай бұрын

@@angeltheprocrastinator8014 they are a bot/troll. I see them all over KZread. Report them

@theflyingspaget

5 ай бұрын

​@@angeltheprocrastinator8014they're a liar and a spammer, dont bother.

Dorian I found your channel when I was in the deepest darkest corner of my ED and you have helped me to recover just by being your frank honest self. I know I will always struggle with my ED but you have helped me so immensely. From the bottom of my being I want to thank you

Personally I lost all my weight being on a restrictive diet and over-exercising until I was too physically unwell to exercise and realized my metabolism is screwed forever now. I’ve been in treatment and realized I can still gain weight that fast but loss is completely different now even over a year out of that very restrictive diet. Be safe everyone, EDs suck and for me has probably done irreversible damage to my body

@Jess-Rabbit

5 ай бұрын

I feel this so hard. Had an ED for over 10 years and now I'm over 30 and if I ever even look at "bad food" Ill gain weight. Its so horrible. I didn't have a good metabolism in the first place and now even though I haven't done ED behaviors in 7 years its still bad. I run marathons and can't even lose weight. I fear getting even older because it'll just get worse and worse. Its so unfair.

@sleepmore8587

5 ай бұрын

I had a very MILD bulimia for a short period of time and it permanently damaged my teeth and my digestion. I get bloated to the point where my breathing feels restricted from just about everything and I haven’t purged for 4 years. EDs are so counterintuitive.

I've recently stumbled upon a perfect little quote: its an eating disorder, NOT a weight disorder. As an annorexic myself it helps me tremendously with accepting my (diagnosed!!) ed as enough. no, i dont "loose" my "progress" if i do eat. no, im not less disordered bc i'm not suverely underweight. thank you dorian for your vids, u bring comfort and light even to the darkest days

The sick thing is: For me, it worked. After years and years of severe depression, I decided to just disappear slowly. And it worked. I got so low that my parents could no longer ignore it. They finally saw how I felt. But then I realized that they didn't understand at all, they just throught it was a screwed up way to be "beautiful". How oblivious do you have to be?! But by that point, I was so deep in the ED that just switching it off would have been an absolutely ridiculous notion. I only got into treatment because I moved out and I had friends who supported me. Whatever you're going through, it's not worth it to communicate like that. Even if they finally see you, they probably still won't understand because they didn't bother to look in the first place. You're worth so much more than someone's approval.

I struggle with drug addiction, social isolation and alienation and also with ED. I really want to thank you for posting about so curtail topics to me and for probably many others watching you here. I'm not venting here or anything in particular but had to let you know how much your videos have help me from preventing more torment onto myself than needed, It's almost like a stranger pretty much saving your desperate life from un-aliving and there's no way to even to show gratitude to Dorian as this whole interaction has been parasocial and 1 sided. Last few worlds as I don't plan to write you paragraphs. Anyways, we're not friends and I'm just someone who came to harass with an essay long message, just wanted to emphasize how much you did for me and is still doing. Your channel is somewhat a light in this room of darkness for me and I hope you never change and stay awesome , your indirect mental aid you're done for me is someone I can't pay back in any way. Seriously Dorian thanks for saving me 🖤🖤 Sincerely Fedora (Dejan), 22yo kiddo.

I think a good rule of thumb when it comes to recovery “influencers” is to prioritise following people who started from where you are/were. As someone with ednos who’s always been slap bang in the middle of the “healthy” category, it just isn’t realistic for me to get my recovery advice from girls who were low-weight anorexics. If I try, it always ends in the aspirational factor shifting from successful recovery and looping back round to wanting to be smaller again.

@sekitsui8861

5 ай бұрын

i also recommend following registered (NON DIET) dieticians and psychiatrists to get more insight on 1. the importance of food and what food actually does for your body and 2. how to learn coping mechanisms i feel like people neglect listening to professionals when there's so many professionals online who specialize in eating disorders and actually give amazing advice, my recovery has gone so much better once i unfollowed all the "recovery accounts" and started following professionals. i still follow a few recovery accounts but I only follow people who have been in recovery for years and aren't currently underweight

@mmanyhandss

5 ай бұрын

@@sekitsui8861 You're SO right!! Following regular people in recovery should never be a substitute for listening to professionals, especially ones who who approach their content from a non-diet perspective

Been suffering for over 35 years.... off and on.... This makes so much sense as when I was younger my weight was so low... now... my metabolism is so fucked up from going up and down non stop for years... plus so many medications... My head is just as daunting... but my weight is considerably higher..

If your goal is to recover, and I mean REALLY recover. And you're fed up with your ED and want your life back... Life without and outside ED... Ro Mitchell has great account. She has turned her life around. Such a beast! Couldn't be more thankful for her in my ED recovery 💛

@UwUImShio

4 ай бұрын

The thing is I never had a life before it

@laurapriedite4951

4 ай бұрын

@@UwUImShio Then it's time to create one. I don't know your story, your background, but I can say- you are never responsible for things that have happened to you, trauma that others have caused. However. You are responsible for your healing. Only you can heal yourself. What are your favorite things? Are there emotions you want to experience more? Are there things you want to do more of? Are there destinations you want to travel to? Is there anyone you would love to meet more often? Is there a job you would love to do? Are there foods you truly enjoyed as a child or even now? Do whatever makes YOU happy.

This is why I don’t watch ED recovery things. You’re absolutely right Dorian. Even after having an ED ana diagnosis from the age of 12 (I’m now 35), and being a preemie and being naturally skinny as well, although I was last in the hospital for ana-related problems mid-2023, I still feel like I’m not skinny enough, not disordered enough. And I’m a guy. So getting help makes it 10x harder, I feel. But also I know I’m significantly taller than these women, yet I’m STILL comparing myself. 23 damn years battling this shit. JFC. No other mental illness is seen as a competition. But also I’ve seen friends who were ana at one point swing in the completely opposite direction.

@leckmich5452

5 ай бұрын

''No other mental illness is seen as a competition'' sadly that is not true, you can find people comparing trauma and addiction too. Not that common in this toxic way, but definetly happening

@annymus4502

5 ай бұрын

@@leckmich5452 That's awful. I've only noticed with EDs and SH :(

I find your videos so comforting, you have a wonderfully articulate way of talking about mental health and addiction, I feel like you’re an older sibling giving me advice

the best is when ur stuck in between the blessed metabolism/already thin person and the food addicted/larger person. i’m average size , i don’t have much of an appetite but my metabolism is so slow that even if i neglect my cravings, i still maintain my weight. it’s one huge mind f*ck! it’s easy to be in active ED when i don’t typically have cravings, but i don’t lose the weight 😭 people do not believe me when i say i struggle…. but that’s ok. i don’t need them to, i can do this. anyway, as always love you Dorian!

Going to the cardiologist and childrens hospital this week where itll be determinded if i need to be admitted to ip. Im 15, and regardless of all of this i still dont see myself as sick enough because i havent reached my ugw, this video has spoken to me and made me feel so seen. Sending you lots of love Dorian xoxo

@dannyvalward1524

5 ай бұрын

I know it's been just two days, but how did it went?

Dorian, I just wanted to say thank you for continuing to do the KZread thing. I'm someone very similar to you. Your content genuinely helps me be more accepting of myself. Please take care of yourself, you are a force for good in this sick world.

as a 16yo that developed an ed for the same reasons as you did you have no ideia how much hearing what you would say to your 14yo self rn helped me. your videos make me feel seen in a way ive never felt before especially since we have a lot of similar experiences and similarities (being goth, struggling with an ed and sh, being autistic, having adhd...) and ive never met someone like me before! im not good with words but i just wanted to let you know that by sharing your experiences and telling your story you are making a huge difference, and i hope that when im older i recover and heal so i can help people like you do but i still cant leave behind my "im not sick enough to recover" mindset lol. also you are the main reason why i 2 years ago i started to listen to goth music and express myself more, so thank you so much dorian

I’ve never been eating disordered (unless you count overeating) but the part where you’re talking to your younger self about mental illness struck such a chord with me. I wish that I could go back in time and be more open about my struggles with anxiety. My mom didn’t believe in therapy and psychiatry because she saw it as weakness but I could have gone to my school counselor. I could have not shut up about it until someone did something. Instead I waited till I was 18 and I could get myself to the drs and therapy and by then the damage was done.

I'm usually somewhat of a silent viewer on your channel, but I just wanted to leave this here today: Thank you for being here 🖤 Thank you for sharing so much of your experiences and thoughts with us, and for always being so wonderfully understanding and well-spoken with all kinds of topics and issues (also, waffles - we love a good waffle). Thank you for being such a wonderful human 🖤

very off-topic but omg Dorian you look AMAZING in this hair/makeup/jewelry combo!!🔥🔥🔥

almost all ed-related content is triggering to me but your ed related videos actually make me feel really grounded and bring me back to earth a little. even if i dont want to recover, just hearing someone talk about the hard truths the way you do is so helpful. the ana fairytale mindset is so fucking real and its so hard to learn yourself out of it!!! thank you for talking about that reality and amen to this whole video

Oh. My. God. No, that wasn’t just a tangent, you are spot on in your description of the experience, as always, for so many people I’m sure. All that you are talking about to do with your ED and your family when you were young, it’s such a weight off my shoulders to hear you address that experience. And the way you can think it’s going to help when you’re young, and how it’s actually just a fantasy, of wanting to be loved, but if you’re already having to go to such drastic measures to hopefully have your own family love you, that means they’re not the kind of people who will give that to you. And how to deal with that dead fantasy when you’re older, knowing it never did or will happen for you, but seeing it happen in real time to other people is also really hard. And by the time you actually ever get to see a doctor, you’ve already screwed yourself up so bad that it’s going to be extremely difficult to come back from. Yeah. Please keep talking about all of this really genuine stuff, it’s so helpful, and you really open eyes with your content, and show us that we are not alone. I really appreciate this, thank you Dorian ♥︎

Dorian, I can’t even put into words how much you content helps me with my own mental health struggles. Thank you.

There is a woman on tiktok who got infamous because she claimed to be in ED recovery but was still clearly underweight, took 32 supplements a day, and had a horrendously unhealthy and restrictive diet. As someone who has never had an ED, it can be bizarre to see the delusions people with ED create for themselves to justify self-destructive behavior.

@nubesvaporosas7191

5 ай бұрын

I used to watch some of her modeling content, when i watched one of her what i eat in a day videos i was SO fuck*n triggered

Hello! I used to be anorexic and stopped eating, i was severely depressed. After watching your videos, I have recovered almost completely and can eat without guilt! Thanks, lots of love your way

Excellent advice, Dorian. Anyone currently suffering from an ED would be wise to heed these warnings. Invaluable advice here.

I just want to say that as a teenager with an ED, I watched a lot of your videos to trigger myself, and I hope you don't take this negatively because I believe your videos are what truly helped me to get out of that place as quickly and effectively as I did. You never once sugar coated or indulged in giving tips, and just told your audience what life with an ED is truly like. Even though my disordered mind saw parts of your story as goals to achieve, the underlying message always stuck by me. I never romanticised my eating disorder because your voice was always there to remind me what the truth of this suffering really is. So I want to thank you for creating a space that I could go to without feeling shamed over struggling and just being told "Dont do it!" because while you hold disclaimers of your content being potentially triggering, you don't shy away from telling your story as authentically as possible. I truly believe that without your videos, I would have been struggling alone, never having seen someone living on the other side. ❤

This video couldn't have popped up at a better time--I'm working hard on a project due soon and I love listening to your videos while I work. Thanks Dorian!!!

Glad you can do the unscripted videos again!

quiet consumer of your content (meaning I don't usually comment) but genuinely enjoying your content. so thought-provoking!

i’m years on into recovery at this point and yet the other day i was watching one of your videos while i was eating and i ended up turning it off because i realized i would trigger myself into going off my food if i kept watching. i felt proud of myself. i literally grew up with so much ED content online it’s inseparable from the disease itself to me. super interesting lens to look through.

Dorian, you do such good with your videos. Your experience and wisdom reaches people and I really feel that it helps.

been a bit troubled by the forefront of my mind tonight but this soothed me! sad but funny that words often don't bridge us up enough and that that's where faith or some basis for optimism, some passion maybe, does start to count-in and help forward. been talking at my laptop like it's my hamlet skull haha! also find the word emaciated sO troubling not sure what it actually means but it rings my trouble bell somehow. think this is a really helpful approach for gaging mental healthcare practitioners! seeing whether there's things or philosophies or interests in common!

When I was young, my ED started in part because being naturally skinny got me a ton of attention, in part because I desperately wanted bodily autonomy, and in part because I didn't want to menstruate. Later on, my relapse was more similar to what you're describing here: I was lonely and feeling awful, and I wanted someone to notice I was sick and care.

your videos and just you as a person are such a comfort to me. i am an autistic girl who just turned 18 last year, currently at the lowest point of my ed and listening to u makes me feel like im not alone with my problems. thank u

I needed this video! I've been bulimic for well over a decade and struggle a lot with feeling I don't 'deserve' recovery because I've always been overweight or close to overweight. I hope 2024 will be the year I get on a waiting list to see an ED therapist. Love your channel, Herbs!

Hi! This is a silly place to comment this, but in about 7 hours or so I will officially start my ED recovery. For real this time. I gave myself a one week timer to be as disordered as I wanted, and then I would dive head first into recovery. It's gonna be hard, and probably pretty scary, but I can do this. I'm having breakfast tomorrow for the first time in a long time. Hopefully I can return to this fully recovered. I got this! And as always, amazing video dorian.

For me, when I was in active recovery from my ED, I purged my social media from any and all content related to it. Even fitness content or other topics that you wouldn't think have much to do with it on a surface value. I had spaces in real life where I was in treatment and met other people in the midst of it or recovered from similar struggles I had and it was absolutely valuable to know i wasnt alone with it and to talk to people who understood, but i also had to distance myself. It's been around 5 years that I've been healthy physically from it and half a year since I've been really okay with dealing with triggers. I can still identify stuff as a trigger but i can exist it and move on and not feel bothered by it. In all that time, I didn't have instagram and took care to curate my content. I wouldn't have watched a channel like yours until half a year ago and i really didn't feel like i was missing out in specifically seeking out other content only. For me, it was immensely helpful.

weird comment im sorry, but dorian i wish to thank you for catalysing my recovery. i started watching you at my lowest weight since i was 10, i genuinely believed that i looked normal and i was perfectly healthy. looking back at my pictures last year (im still underweight but i gained 20kg), i looked like a fucking skeleton and my face looked like i was 50 digging my grave as a teenager. i can’t believe i kept getting sicker and sicker just because my ex drilled it into my head that i would not be pretty enough for him unless my waist was as small as my calves. i don’t faint anymore, i don’t forget to eat anymore, i have a working circadian rhythm now (not so much sleep but eating and resting routine is in tact), i don’t look paler than death anymore i actually have colour and life in my face, i have my hips back somewhat. i just feel so much better and i wish last year me digging my own grave knew how much better living would feel at a more relatively normal weight (even depression isn’t as agonising as it used to be). when i got at my lowest, i experienced some really horrifying symptoms as well as my muscles breaking down and my body eating them up too and what gave me the wake up call was remembering the video i watched of yours narrating your disastrous festival poo story😂 like holy shit i’ve really gotten to THIS point now, how about reintroducing FOOD into the routine to get my intestines back. i truly can’t thank you enough, your video’s really helped someone.

Nice video. I agree. People have a better chance to recover if they look at someone who is a healthy weight sharing advice instead of underweight. Also, what really helped me is learning to love myself and knowing I am worthy of love because God loves me. Then focusing on how can I cherish my life, take care of my body and nourish myself. I used to weigh myself obsessively. Now it's been maybe 10 years since I've been on a scale lol. I've learned not to care what size I am as long as I am fit and healthy.😊

Dorian, thank you for always taking such a gracious, nuanced and well-thought out position. You're my favorite KZreadr and I appreciate everything you put into your videos. I'm autistic and a recovered anorexic (with so many of the health side effects that accompany ED recovery). I can only imagine how much work you put into your channel and how hard it must be some days to continue. You are making a difference and I'm now sharing your content with my tween-age daughter, whose friends are going through so much of this. Grateful for you. Much love from New Orleans and Happy Mardi Gras!

Love your hair Dorian!

Hi Dorian. Your ED videos are very insightful and help me understand important information about my ED. I find your videos the most helpful and encouraging (to stop me falling down the rabbit hole again).

Sending all the love and support !!! This is a great video thank you!

thank you for being so real. it feels great to have this reality out in the open. it's not spoken about enough.

this is one of my favorite videos you've made, I think this described my teenage self's mentality better than I've ever heard it before.

Recovery is really hard and I'm still finding the way from the binge/restrict cycle. Something that really helps keep me on track is that my husband has a very balanced and "normal" attitude towards food and body sustainance. I grew up with an ED Mum so it was hard to know what is a "normal" pattern of eating. It's really not easy but a lot better than it was. We sit down to eat dinner together every day which isn't something I could have managed 10 years ago so baby steps! Good luck to everyone else who is working on their health or just trying not to explode on an hour to hour basis xxx

Wow, this video gave me a lot to think about. Thanks for opening up a bit about your family and younger self - I feel like I have a new perspective on my own past now…

I'm incredibly thankful for your content. You can't imagine how much I needed to hear the things you said in this video. You basically described everything I'm feeling/ going through, especially when you spoke about the idea that one deserves help only when severely underweight. It's during those times, apparently, that recovery is deemed legitimate, and it's only then that others acknowledge the severity of the illness, that's what anorexia tells me anyways... Eating disorders inflict such agonizing struggles, making life incredibly challenging. I've been on the path to recovery for some time now, and hardly anyone knows about my battle with an eating disorder and the unhealthy weight I reached (even though I was never medically underweight, I SURE AS H*LL WAS under a healthy weight for my body). It feels incredibly isolating, almost as if I haven't properly "succeeded" in having anorexia. But I'm aware of the profound sickness in my mind, the reality of my eating disorder. I don't need to prove it to anyone just so they can recognize my pain. Thank you immensely for this reminder

I've been watching all of your videos lately, or rather listening. Your voice is pleasant to hear and I enjoy your story telling the subject matter is morbidly fascinating. I feel safe here. You Get it. I hope to join Patreon someday to support the channel. 🖤

You made such a good point about the end goal of a recovery account!! It's really cool to think of it as moreso a stepping stone to the creation of an account about your hobbies, passions, etc. rather than just one thing that you'll most likely grow tired of after successful recovery.

I waited 4 months from going to the GP and seeing the eating disorder team. During that time there was part of me that maybe wanted to eat, and to help myself, but I felt that if I did that, when I saw the doctor who could refer me to EDT, or when I saw EDT that they wouldn't help me if I tried to help myself first. That really held me back from starting recovery at one point. I think I would tell someone else who was in my position to seek help when you know something is really wrong with your eating as you are correct about it having the very real possibility to turn into a really serious situation with weight and nutrition. You don't have to know what the problem is, you know there's a problem. You are not obliged to go through a restrictive ED, you don't need to find out what's going to happen if you carry on with this mindset. And I would insist on speaking to the doctor face to face and to not just accept a referral to diatetics without speaking to any medical professional.

Thank you D for this 🧇You make excellent points ! 👽 I hope more stories come 👻 Have a great Monday 😺

Your videos help me so much, and I just want to thank you, I was working on recovering and was doing pretty well until I lost two jobs in under 4 months. My brain has always told me I wasn't "sick enough" because I have never looked like I was struggling. It's been so hard the past year or so, but i found your videos in the last six months and it has truly saved me, its easier to snack and enjoy life when I'm listening to your videos, they bring a type of peace and understanding I've never experienced before, so thank you so much Dorian, you are incredible.

I love your style in this video ✨️

Dorian you speak the truth, I love you and everything you do. Everything you have been through in your life has been a battle but just know that it wasn’t for nothing. You’re knowledge is going to help so many people and make people realize mental illness is not the end of the road!

10:37 from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your waffles, thank you for the advice! i've been struggling with this all my life and...in the end i just need to accept that it is what it is. and to keep pushing to get better and not lose hope when a treatment or a therapist doesnt work out. ik it may be stupid but it's been a bit hard, recently, and i really needed to hear this.

I began watching your account when I first began diving deep into my disordered eating. You helped me feel less ashamed about my actions and I watched your videos throughout me dealing with deciding to recover. I seek out your videos when I feel negative about myself, and it makes me remember that it will not always be perfect and my recovery will have its ups and its downs. I have regained most of my weight. I have not recovered skinny, which I am still mentally battling with. So thank you.

something that snapped me out of how I saw my suffering, and how people around me perceived it: was actively experiencing how parents reacted to their childrens suicides. how so many people said "there was nothing we could do", "you can't change someones mind, once they decide to do it", and crap like that. no one took any personal responsibility, or even blinked about how they were influences in someones death. Or they washed their hands of responsibility so they could sleep at night. People will never interpret your cries for help, the way you need or want them too. So if you're waiting for someone to give you the emotional support you need, cause of something like: changing from coffee with milk and sugar, to black. it's not going to happen. they won't notice it, or if they do, they won't read it the way you want them too, but I think we know that. if you are someone who has been close to the edge and thought spiteful thoughts like: "I'll show them, they'll realise when I'm dead."; they won't. Or "they'll know suffering when I'm gone, and they deserve it"; they won't. People will not put the pieces together from vague actions that you think are pointed and obvious. they aren't. If you've been that close to the end, you may know in your mind, *exactly what someone can do, to pull you back*, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM. they won't figure it out themselves. you HAVE TO just tell them WHAT YOU NEED FOR THEM TO HELP YOU. stop dying for people y'all, start living for yourself.

WOW such sound advice as always and I didn't even realize that I am often seeking out triggering accts and images online, I ought to go and unfollow some right now! Thank you as always! ❤

Thank you, Dorian ❤

We could be the worst case in the world and we will still NEVER feel sick enough. Even being told by multiple medical professionals I had extreme ano rxia and would die without treatment, I still never felt sick enough. I lost the ability to walk and still in my head I was not sick enough. But at least finally then I learned the trap that it was, and that I really didn’t want to die, or become more disabled. I don’t want to be any level of sick anymore

I've only just found your account and watched a couple of videos, I had to have a wee giggle the amount of times you apologse for going on a tangent! I love your tangents!!!! 😂😂

Your hair is my favorite you've done yet! Wow!

Love the thumbnail photo!

@alexf9472

5 ай бұрын

er, not thumbnail. the image thing later on in the video. ykwim

@maryannmorgan9846

5 ай бұрын

The apple and the tape measure picture. Me too! Wonder if Dorian made it...​@@alexf9472

I’m sorry I just realized that I like ranted and vented in my other comment it’s just that your content has always resonated with me so deeply and it’s helped me so much with processing my eating disorder like how it came to be and why it started and how it’s okay that I willingly chose to develop it, I hope you know that your channel has helped me through a lot and I’m sure it’s also helped other through a lot

Honestly im so frustrated with the state of society in terms of ED and weight I am decently sure i messed up my body. I over exercised and under ate and then i started to collapse and faint, and also gain weight (weirdly enough!) i have a medical issue now, measurqable, factual, noticeable and known by doctors But its not yet diagnosed or cleared up but basically something is very much not right with me; there are other symptoms but for me the most painful one is the constant weight gain. I was anorexic at a low -normal weight for many years, and then as if someone turned on a switch i kept gaining weight. Being told by doctors to restrict and given well intended advice, which sounds a lot like disordered eating!, is the only medical aid im getting for this particular symptom Its hard and i know no one looks at me and thinks i have an ED, or at least not the one i have. I am given well intended advice, which is so triggering. And I am trying so hard to be in a place of recovery, but i know if i were to speak out about it, someone would say something along the things of "you re too well into recovery huh". Im at a point where the initial dysphoria about my body has became reality, i am too weight, i am still gaining weight, im disturbed by the weight on my body. And im a prisoner to my own body. Not only do i collapse and faint, and cannot exerice or even do daily chores on my own anymore; no im also living my life in a fatsuit which is not only a constant unbearably weight but everincreasing. Even if i would fall into old behaviours, my body makes me collapse so much that i end up in the ER. My point is 1. eating disorders cause longtime health effects and these are not limited by your current or past weight; you can be physically absolutely wracked and not look "unhealthy" on the outside 2. i wish society at a large and medical personell included, as well as ED help, would stop putting weight restrictions to a disordered THINKING which can happen to anyone I wish we had aid for anyone with issues, no matter the size. And such aid should be given based on the persons issues and not based on their weight. The amount of offers i gotten in terms of help, which was purely about reducing your calories, and reducing your appetite. And as a atypical anorexic person in recover, let me tell you those courses they offer to high BMI people are so triggering and they include a lot of advice that i remember people on anorexia forums gave each other. SO thats just so dark.

Have I told you lately that I'm really proud of you? You do a beautiful job of talking about difficult subjects and you are really a great role model for those young kids. Heaps of love headed your way from NYC to "my very wise, younger, Gothic Millennial cousin that I always wanted and never got". Just to totally agree with you, you decide where the bottom is. It can be anywhere you decide to give up your ED. I met so many girls in rehab who had substance abuse and EDs and they worked so hard to get better. I'm super old now but I think about them a lot and I hope they made it. You're brilliant, Dorian and I'm sure I'm probably driving your neurodivergent self a bit crazy, that's why I always say "I'm from NYC". It's not a flex, it's more of a disclaimer!💜🖤💜🖤💜

What does it say about me that I’m holding on to that fairy tail at 22

@eleanoresmith8199

5 ай бұрын

Like Dorian was saying, that fact says nothing bad about you as a person, besides the fact that you are a different human in a different body

@Sicko-Succubus

5 ай бұрын

@@eleanoresmith8199 that was really helpful to hear, thank you for your kind words

I do find the bit about the fantasy of being saved and cared for as soon as I reach my "goal weight" to be so so relatable. It was especially bad when I was in high school and first began to restrict my food. I find it especially hard now to strive for a healthy body and mindset because I am extremely overweight at this point. I guess for me it'll be a matter of breaking old habits and challenging my old patterns of thinking in the long run. Thank you for making these videos. They're real, relatable, and so helpful. Sending love.

yes yes yes to everything you said: i love your channel because i just feel so seen when i hear you talking about EDs. I have to accept that i will never "look" like i have/have had an ED, because as much as i struggle so bad with food, i don't look like the type of person we all automatically assume and paint in out heads when we heard the word "ED" (regardless of the type), I have to make peace with this fact and accept that i need to heal not for anybody else's sake but my own. I am 21 turning 22, i struggled with food all my life and about a year and a half ago i hit my lowest point joining a pro ana group: i did it for only about two months, afterwards i realised i was miserable and i got out because i just couldn't live like that anymore. There's still a voice in my head that tells me that i haven't been in that group "long enough" to really understand what it's like, but majority of me is so glad i didn't stick a day longer: if i could go back in time i would slap myself so hard, because yes i already had an ED before, but the way those few months screwed up my brain completely, utterly and permanently??? i will never be the person i was before, i can live with that and not act on my thoughts, but i will never have the person i was before back

i love your waffle-y videos, dorian. it's so great to hear you talk, i learn so much from you and feel like i get a healthier perspective.

needed this . thank you always 💗

My brother used to ask me "when are you gunna be done with that methadone shit? Aren't you cured yet?" And i tried to tell him there was no silver bullet, there is no magic wand cure for heroin addiction. He thought I was just getting fucked up off the methadone 😢

Thank you for appreciating the cravings that people who love food get. And for acknowledging how difficult it is for some people to lose weight. I have a good friend who has PCOS and is morbidly obese. And even at the worst of her ED, she was still obese. It is so. Hard.

The sad thing that might be making it hard for some people to ask for help are the doctors who won't take you seriously. Just as fat people are always told to lose weight before they'll do diagnostics, people with EDs who don't look emaciated will often have doctors tell them they're just fine and not to worry too much. It's like the doctor doesn't want to deal with the heavy emotions their patient is going through. I am fortunate to have a doctor that takes these things seriously so I would add as advice--if your doctor brushes off your ED, make every attempt to find a doctor that doesn't!

thank you so much for this video, the topic of recovery has been on my mind lately as someone who is almost a year recovered (even though it started out forced) and never reached my goal weight. I want to tell anyone who's reading this that "oh, I'll reach my goal weight/get back to my lowest weight one last time, then I'm done with this anorexia thing" is bullshit. there's so much more to life than food and self-hatred and your life doesn't have to start after reaching an arbitrary number.

I want to say thank you so much for this video - you articulated something I’ve struggled with with my ED for a long time. I think my story and struggle with EDs is very similar to yours and it’s something that’s not as often described or spoken about by most recovery channels I see. For me the driving factor of my ED was “proving” I was sick, reaching that specific weight or level of illness that would show to others and to myself that I was “sick enough to deserve help” and following recovery people, they often talked about how bad it got, their hospital visits, extreme weight loss, health scares etc and I had none of that, so I felt like unless I had these things, I wasn’t “really sick”. And these underweight recovery people often address my biggest concern (“am I sick enough”) by talking about it their experience, but their experience IS often “everyone around me could see I was sick, so I got help”. But in my experience, nobody said anything, save for maybe one or two friends. I am grateful to you for talking about this - even though I know you got very ill to the point of it being visible, you talk very candidly and honestly about the strong, guilt-inducing feeling of just wanting to look sick and it never being enough, and feeling like a failure at being “disordered”.

Happy to see you 😊

Hit my gw and have had a week of binge eating since, trying to eat mindfully and failing miserably. You don't know how much I need this grounding. Thank you

@kemoywilliams380

5 ай бұрын

I've had anorexia so i know what it is like. But i don't know what binge eating is like, so what is it like?

Two of my closest friends made everything so dark, I’ve never told them this we don’t talk anymore, both of them didn’t know eachother but I knew both. One would teach and the other would compete it was like a whirlwind and I’m glad to be free now at 25 years old. Who would’ve thought a couple of teens in an all girls school could turn so twisted

Don't have an ED but you've brought my awareness up to standard I thank you for that much now it's like what do I say... I really don't know what to say I'm not gonna say anything right? 💯

my boyfriend used to basically tell me the same thing, just less analysed, while i was caught faking recovery. im wishing for everyone to cope i hope!

i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately too, thanks for the video! i always wondered how underweight ED people seemed like they had more energy and life than me who is “stuck” at an avg weight when i feel so dead, tired, and completely drained doing nothing. i’d catch myself feeling jealous and wishing they told me how they do it 🥲 it’s hard to stop having these kinds of thoughts even though i know now it’s wrong/bad.

random but i love your eyebrows!!

Dorian: Put it on and listen while you draw, crochet, whatever your thing is- Me: *laughs in wip blanket*

I had arab parents i swear 13 was a cursed age I suddenly out of no where remembered my uncle shaming me all the time as a child for being chubby Then started the cursed “ diet” And also got social anxiety before it Tried opening up multiple times but they didn’t care and called me crazy because of the stigma around mental health They didn’t know it took me so much courage to talk about it in the first place Then all i got was laughed at and it triggered me When i got to college i secretly went to a counsellor and she helped me Thank you for answering a lot of questions that were in my mind and answer all my feelings and validating them This healed my childhood self in some type of way You did the thing i have wished to fo when i was mentally ill To inspire hurt people and make them feel related ❤

I would say to take a lot of ‘from the patient’ advise with a grain, or whole spoonful, of salt. I see a lot of patient-based advise on various mental issues I have that sounds healthy but when you step back, it’s not great. I see a lot of this around when someone leaves you because they cannot handle your issues. People don’t want to admit that ‘this is a symptom’ doesn’t make it affect people less, and that while it’s great to be able to love someone when they are any kind of sick, not everyone is stable enough. It’s not 100% mentally healthy and strong people who are dating mentally ill people because there aren’t many of those out there, and they probably only relate to people like that. Plenty of people with no mental health history are not that strong because they don’t have to be. Honestly the only people I have met who had objectively easier than average lives are not strong enough to handle what a normal argument looks like to most people. So they should run if symptoms scare them because they will develop their own issues. But sometimes two sick people are incompatible by symptoms, as in they cannot work on themselves around that environment. I left someone because he was an extremely toxic and sick person and so was I, but my instinct was to turn it inward and if I had continued to stay so I could give him support, I would be dead. I see advise like ‘this medication didn’t work at all for me so I don’t take any meds.’ Personally I use natural supplements because I have terrible reactions to unnatural pharmaceuticals due to GI track issues. But I know people who absolutely have to be medicated professionally because they can’t even smoke pot in moderation, or they react very differently than me. I agree that getting advise from a variety of sources is important for anything. Professionals and people who are healing. People with similar pasts to you, and different. People who may be very different than you.

Man, I have ended up in a wheel chair due to horrible decisions I have made in my life; I was just asking myself the same question the other day: "What or is there anything I could have said to my younger self that I would have listened too?" Love your content, you are so thoughtful and your writing is beautiful.

Somehow that helped me so much what u said❤ I have kind of known always that u can have ed without being underweight but when u said what u said quite benginning of the video it felt like someone understands me couse i have always been normal weight (quite tiny still) and still have ed issues. Maybe those toughts never leave my head couse im not ready to let them go complitely😬

I'm totally agree with advocating for yourself, you do not have to wait for someone to "rescue" you, because chances are they won't. I'm still stuck in this disorder partially because I have sought help, I have explicitly told multiple doctors and therapists I have a problem. I've done everything short of waving around a giant red flag that reads "I have an ED," only to be shrugged off each time. It's hard.

3:17. This is genuinely how I’ve been feeling. I’m not sick enough, I don’t look it, and there’s more deserving of recovery than I because well, I’m in the healthy bmi range, right? Such a head flip, to say the least. Can’t even believe I’m commenting this, to be frank, cause it’s painful to be honest, isn’t it?

great vid

I think I needed to hear this even though it kinda hurts.

I watched (listened) to this video while cleaning out my youtube subscriptions, being brutally honest about which ones I'd delusionally followed as thinspo. Needless to say, my youtube will be a bit dry, but I'm sure my other interests will be back eventually