The new boss who is giving you partial info to complete a task and when it doesn’t go well, instead of taking the blame, provides the missing info in the admonishment

When people make you feel like you were never able to do your job in the first place. It’s crap

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It’s the worst because it’s so imprecise and unclear and NOT actionable! Infuriating.

This happened to me. All of the sudden I get treated as incompetent and not allowed to do tasks that I’ve been doing successfully for years. I’d always had good feedback on these things before. I get pulled aside by my new manager and was given confusing and nonspecific negative feedback. When I asked for specific examples, the supervisor snapped at me and said her feedback WAS specific. Any questions I asked her to was seen as a challenge to her authority.

It’s incredible, you can have a conversation in writing and they will simply ignore it and continue to say you said something else, it’s a mental illness

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It’s either mental illness or really maladaptive coping/communication strategies. Either way, it sucks!!

@maximilian333

Жыл бұрын

Yeah i literally told a boss what hapoened when questioned and they literally emailed a bunch of totally false statements about our conversation to the mgmt team. They can play dumb and say whatever with no consequences and you look like the jerk for correcting them repeatedly. It’s toxic and not worth fighting.

Thank you for this. My boss would subtly gaslight me and over time it became more blatant and obvious. One time he said my performance wasn't "as good as it used to be". When I asked for an example, he said I missed a link in a document. A single link. I asked him which one? But he couldn't actually point it out. He had decided he was done with me. I ended up quitting later, after he cornered me after work, alone, and told me he felt he had to "walk on eggshells" around me the day before. My crime? I was "not responsive enough". I had done nothing wrong except be quieter than usual. A few days later he raged at me, over a remote call (which my spouse overheard and was shocked at) because of a minor misunderstanding on his part. Don't miss him!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Textbook gaslighting narcissist. I am so sorry this happened to you and happy you got away!!! Brava!

@milocat6387

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn I'm doing a lot better now, thank you! Wish I found your channel before I quit; would have done it a lot more elegantly!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes we have to detonate to hit what they call “escape velocity”. You did what you had to do! Next time it’ll be a lot easier to spot the crazy sooner!

@LonjeMarie7

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry you had to go through that it sounds like it was definitely not you someone call me acting up yelling like that I will probably curse them out really really bad especially AFTER I left the job and then hang up in their face. He sounds like a real a hole

@milocat6387

Жыл бұрын

@@LonjeMarie7 Thank you! He was the type of person who was very charming as long as he wanted something from you or felt you had power over him in some way. If not, he wasn't so great to be around...

I am experiencing this situation right now and it has been going on for years. I am at the point of leaving due to the emotional abuse. I realize how many people are involved in the abuse and I cannot fight an entire company. I am writing a book about my experience because the abuse extends beyond the workplace when the attempts are made away from work, at your home, to the point you are fearful of any physical attempts. This is extreme, but real. Why do companies allow managers like this to exist? Why isn't it exposed?

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

There are probably a million reasons and I’ll go through a few on my live office hours this week! I love that you’re writing about it. So therapeutic!

@oblivion2967

Жыл бұрын

I've been experiencing the same thing for years as well - so hard to pin them down.

@PrettyGirlsWalk

Жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn Thank you.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It’s brutal and exhausting. Stay strong and shine on!

@cynthiaw.3321

Жыл бұрын

I can tell you from experience that it's allowed because those toxic individuals bring something to the company we can't: most of the time it's money. They can be top earning employees or shareholders of the company. People like this have severe mental problems that they will never address because they don't think they have a problem. Your best bet is always to get out. I've seen videos on how to stay in a toxic workplace and be able to deal with it. No thanks! I guarantee you the best way of dealing with it is getting out! Humans weren't made to deal with that kind of BS. It WILL cause you health problems and it's not worth it. You can be truly valued somewhere else. Don't put up with it and let your confidence get shaken. There's something wrong with THEM.....not you. My recent experience was surreal. I worked in an office of 40 people and I was the only one being the squeaky wheel. Everyone else put their heads down and didn't want to talk about it. I got the whole" you're just sensitive" BS thrown at me. One of the ladies there told me that the job was okay if you "stay in your own lane". Employees were either afraid of getting fired or just relieved that they weren't the target. I don't want to work around people like that and I won't. Value yourself enough to work somewhere where you are valued!

I love your energy and communication skills. As someone that has recently been awakened to understanding these toxic personality types and doing the deep dive in understanding myself better it has opened a new world for me. I had to go as far back as early childhood to right the wrongs that were imprinted in me by what I now know was a mentally disturbed parent(mother). I can definitely write a book on it but what a journey the past 6 years have been. Thanks for sharing your knowledge, it's easy to understand now once you have been on the receiving of a manipulator/toxic person. It opened the gateway to internal learning.

Dang, the first example is my situation. It's a brand new job. This is happening in the "training." When I ask for specifics they are making me feel "extra" or deficient that I can't mind read. It's been a real mind bender. I can't afford to quit. Just gonna do good work, and not worry about figuring out how to read their minds. I'm just gonna start doing good work but expecting to receive bad feedback and not even care.

I’m a senior manager who when commenting at team meetings I’m ignored or worse, told I’m “confused…. We not talking about that now, we’re talking about …” But please don’t say leave I just have a few years to go to end a long career…

This was my first experience being gaslit. I’ve had a decade long career of excellence and recently transitioned into a new role. I lasted 3 months in this role. Here’s the kind of feedback I received from my new manager - a complicator who doesn’t finish things, is inattentive to detail at times and is over detailed at others, unwilling to take on more work, unenthusiastic, not motivated, resistant, has mindset issues, does not have the right approach, not agile, slow, unable to build rapport. No tangible examples offered. Feedback got more intense as I started setting boundaries around workload. This was my dream job & I had to leave 😢 I delivered on all gaols before due date. On Tuesday this week I lost my cool with him . He was trying to bully me. He started asking me questions like - do you like what you do? Did you read the job spec? Chiding me like I’m a small child. I resigned that day. It’s taken a toll on my mental health and confidence. I am taking a break to heal. I’m shocked that this happened to me and I’m realising how common it is in the workplace. Anyone experiencing being gaslit - get out as soon as you can. It’s damaging to your well being.

@c3909

Жыл бұрын

Stay strong 💪 most probably the things they told you were exactly the opposite 😉

@c3909

Жыл бұрын

Don't let them break your confidence and take those untrue words as a compliment, because usually when coming out from this kind of people's mouths is a compliment in reality. They try to distort your qualities by making you believe they aren't. Keep onto reality and facts to not let them gaslight you. In general not only in the workplace. An advice, if you like ,have a trusted person you can talk about which can help you stick to reality. That's one strategy. Dr Ramani' talks about it Check Dr Ramani' channel too, in case you haven't. Gaslighting it can be really dangerous for someone's mental health and we'll being.Hugs 🤗

what really concerns me and I believe to a lot of people is “the majority of bosses in the workplace nowadays exhibit narcissistic characteristics and they are in the same gang. Thus cover up is required from the top down to protect them. That explains why mental health issues are in the spot light nowadays because there are more and more victims (workers suffering). HR-Workplace relation and Occupational Health and Safety unit may not understand the depth of these abuses and how it really affects people. HR is not there to punish the bosses, they are there to make it even worse to employees who already suffered through the mental abuses. Hence is the high turnover.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Truth!! But I disagree that it’s the majority. There are a ton of good places … you will find them!!

The first story is exactly what my boss did to me today. I've been bringing up issues I've been having more frequently and brought it up to my operations manager (my boss's boss). It was her and my boss in the office, we were discussing an issue with a certain employee. My boss was getting very defensive during this discussion as now his abilities at managing his employees is being questioned because this employee had been causing problems for 3 years straight and nothing has been really done about it. Well he decides to suddenly tell me "well someone has filed a complaint against you. " and I'm like "Okay, what does this have to do with our issue with the employee?" And this is at least the second time he's said this to me, maybe third. I asked him "What was the complaint about and who complained?" Both times I asked this when he brought it up and he couldn't answer me. "Oh I can't tell you. " he said. Because he only brought it up as a defensive rebuttal to me questioning his management decisions or how he handles things. I asked my other coworkers I worked closely with if they had a complaint against me and they said no they didn't. He also denied a sentence he clearly said to me when I told him he got defensive and said this response . He claims he didn't say it. He does this a lot, he'll say something and then later claim he didn't say it. I thought he just had a bad memory, but now I think he's gaslighting. (He also constantly claims he has the best memory)

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

This sounds awful and I’m so sorry you are stuck inside of it. Hang in there.

@Melva-Tjong

Жыл бұрын

There are so many examples of how employees are treated poorly by managers. Problem is when they gaslight you,there is no witness, then later it becomes “she says/ he says” and “you say”, it would be easier that they put their nasty accusations in writing but they won’t do it. They bully you behind the close door, while appearing to be perfectly charming/ nice persons to others. When you tell people about the abuse, no one believe you. Worse, you are told that you bully them, another way around, what can you do? I appreciate your advice Bronwyn.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

That’s exactly right. That’s why unfortunately if the gaslighter has more power than you inside of the system, it’s best to find a new gig. I have yet to see it work out otherwise.

@chautran2588

Жыл бұрын

I was accused of underperforming in paying bills, I say we can't talk about it unless you give me a daily quota. So they change the subject immediately.

@chautran2588

Жыл бұрын

I would document everything and prove my point by hard copies. I would avoid meeting with them one on one but get a witness or a mediator.

Well said. I've been subject to this behavior, and you are so right that you have to get out. That's the hardest communication challenge; When the otther party is operating in bad faith and will not cooperate with any attempt to communicate. And it's all too common in the corporate world.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

When a situation is gotten to that point, I have never ever seen it resolve well. It is time to dust off your résumé and find your good somewhere else! Hanging in there in an environment where everyone has turned against you because of the toxic person isn’t a recipe for success in any circumstance. It is painful but it is true and once you are out you’ll be able to see the situation more clearly.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

And benjamin I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s the worst! I think it’s happened to most of us if we have been around long enough. These people are everywhere!

My ex boss (I quit yesterday) would do this all of the time. Last time she denied yelling at me and treating me with a gross lack of disrespect. Well, it happened in front of other employees and customers and it was horribly unprofessional of her. The thing is I mentioned that someone (I didn’t know who) had made a mistake to another employee and come to find out it was my boss that made the mistake (she NEVER admits to making any mistakes). Well, she was boiling mad at me and I got chewed out in front of a whole lot of people. She is very unprofessional and gossips and talks about employees behind their backs to other employees, often mentioning the employees family and personal life. Gaslighting, bullying, and pitting employees against each other by playing favorites (socializing with her chosen favorite employee and letting them sit with her and gossip while the rest of us work) are her favorite weapons. Going to ethics or personnel didn’t do any good because the other employees said they would witness to her abuse, but when the time comes they are silent. Everyone is afraid of her because she is so abusive! The place is toxic to the max! I had to quit to save my sanity!

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Good for you!!!!! Brava that you escaped with your sanity intact!!!!

SO helpful 🎉 thank you !

well said thank you

Thank you Bronwyn. Thank you everyone who writes about this issue in the comments. This is exactly the type of topic that needs a frank, compassionate conversation.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Hooray! I agree!!

Thank you. I needed this.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

So glad it was helpful!! Shine on!

One of the things my old boss did that continues to irritate me is she would CONSTANTLY "remind" us that she paid the best in town and that our workload was the lightest and we were "lucky" to be working there and every word was lies. I went to a competitor, and started at 20 percent more than I was making after 5 years at the other place. She just bought herself a brand new Jaguar with money she was withholding from us.

This hit home

This is the most beautiful video that I come across. I love to have practical stories to illustrate the issues rather than listening to the theory. Many thanks for sharing Bronwyn, I believe everyone can relate to these 3 stories and they are real. My feedback is that in the first story, the narcissistic boss actually gives specific examples of where you fall short but these are exactly the same things you have done for years while you are their golden child, suddenly what you have done until now is not good enough anymore. When you question them about the change, they can’t answer your questions. They don’t even admit they change the goal post and suddenly you are not good enough. I wonder if you could give us your answers: 1/ why aren’t you a golden child anymore? What makes the boss’s treatment change? 2/since you have confronted the boss with this question which they can’t answer, should you move on as it is the telltale sign that you are pushed to leave your job? I appreciate your advice. Thanks Bronwyn.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

So glad this is helpful!! The key with dealing with someone like this is not to try and understand all of their doings and comings and goings. Once you realize you have fallen out of the golden child status, it’s time to make a plan to move on. And it’s also wise to really ask yourself what role you played… Sometimes we don’t realize it but we are feeding the system with our compliance and with turning a blind eye to how these people treat other people. It’s important to understand our role and their role and to deconstruct how the whole thing works so that we can Avoid unconsciously creating the same dynamics in our next gig. I think I did a video on this too let me see if I can find it…

I like how she thinks I have Pradas. LOLOLOL! All seriousness though I LOVE your energy, Bronwyn - also cool name. This is my first time coming upon one of your vids and you had me from the opening, "What's up my people?!" I mean I literallly subscribed right then and there. Keep up the great work, lady. This info is BOSS and people need it.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Yeyyy and the Prada situation WILL be your situation. You just keep at it!!! What you desire desires you too. We just have to keep showing up and shining!

This is what happened to me. Im in Canada and i was forced to resign oct 30 as i endured 13 months or gaslighting, yelling and systematic abuse now im in therapy, anti depressants, unable to be in crowds and unable to speak or have a convo with more than one person, uncobtrollable sibbing and my concentration is very bad. I dont know why men think they are allowed to treat women that way. Thanks for posting.

It’s easy for others to think you’re gaslighting them if you have a good memory and know the history of the office vs. the boss’ never settling in to the new environment.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like they’re gaslighting you in that case!

Thank you for the resetting tip and the practice of saying I don’t allow xyz. I tend to walk away and I now see there’s a better way!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Amen!! I used to be the same. I literally just had this happen with my husband! He was getting grouchy at me and I said “I don’t allow people to speak to me that way.” It woke him up from whatever bad mood he was in and instantly he apologized and reset himself. Our boundaries aren’t just a gift to ourselves. They are a gift to those around us who are temporarily out of control.

Hello, yes this is happening right to me, and I really some help.

God lead me to your channel today I really appreciate you the biggest thing I learned was give me example so I can fix it thank you very very much I am one of your new subscribers. I actually took notes!

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Sending you a hug 🤗!!

Yup I’m done trying to figure it out seems like they are discriminating towards me but I can’t prove it 😮

My boss was avoiding a client and issued a directive (on my day off) to my co-workers to say she was never there. The client calls the next day. I take the call, and transfer the call to my boss. Five minutes later she storms out of her office in an absolute RAGE, and shouting explitives, in front of clients. Sometimes, when they go low, you go to hell!! When I was done with her she retreated into her office so quickly. The next day she wants to engage in civil conversation about the directive. I was not terminated, but she knew not to try me again.

The problem is that we all know that yellers aren't going to change. Anyone who's being yelled at or mistreated at a job needs to leave as soon as they are able. In my case, I walked out the door without another job lined up after three months of trying to get someone to care about and change the toxicity at that place. It'll never happen. Too much blatant favoritism going on. That place is going downhill and I would love to be a fly on the wall when it crashes and burns.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Amen. Totally agree with this!

This happend after 3 days on a new job! So depressed but not worth my gas & sanity!

Nice

Hi I started a company with a partner, and it just ended after thirteen years the company took off then the partner all the sudden was left with nothing. He built me up and I had a 1.5-million-dollar project ready to break ground then told me I was done and I was dismissed I worked so much with everyone in the state and know because I had to tell builders contractors planning with the state departments and many others out of the state. I never got any help and was told I could do it I did and then was banished, and I still don't know why. Now an attorney wants 15000 to sue for felony gaslighting. I am seeing a therapist or documentation. The issue is i cant go back to work in the same feild I have to move out of state sell my home if I want to work in the same feild. I dont know what the gaslighter has said to other companies I have worked with. Its really terrible to go through this for anyone. I should start a gas lighting group.

There's one manager that makes a mistake and blames it on others

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It’s so immature and lame. Child like behavior.

Hi Bronwyn, thanks for a great video. I was gaslighted for 5+ years by my PhD advisor. The issue is that when there is no oversight of your direct manager/supervisor -- none of these tactics really work, because they know there are no consequences for their behavior. I wish I had just gotten out, but I was so passionate about and focused on my area of scientific research. I am meeting with my department chair very shortly to try to get her help to get this guy to stop sending me messages now that I've graduated and completed all my obligations. Would really appreciate your advice on how to convey to her the extent of the emotional abuse in a limited time frame and while maintaining credibility.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

First of all I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s just an awful situation. What I would say is that documentation is everything document in a notebook in an email to yourself every time there’s an issue an incident he reaches out etc. documentation is always what brings down these people in the end. But acts as proof of the volume and breath of the inappropriate behavior .. make sure all of it is dated

@PanthORandPonAY

2 жыл бұрын

I HIGHLY resonate with this and I am so sorry. It is so effing awful to be straight up abused by your manager when they know they have no consequences. There's no HR, it's a family owned business that I've had way longer than she's been here. I'm being bullied, sexually harassed, and gaslit non stop. My mental health is so not good right now and I'm scared. I'm single and only have myself to depend on. I feel so stuck and don't even have the energy to enjoy my days off much less update a resume and go out into the world and be under another thumb. This is hell. I know I'll get out some day. Sending you strength, love, and karma to be sent to where it needs to be sent!

@namrata9836

2 жыл бұрын

​@@PanthORandPonAY Thank you 🙏 I actually took serious steps to make sure my former advisor does not contact me again. Since then things have really turned around for me. It's been amazing to be out of that situation. The energy and happiness is slowly coming back. I know it's incredibly hard but I feel like the best solution is to try your hardest to get out of that workplace as soon as possible. I really wish I had but I also feel like I've come out of this stronger and tougher.

@SC-mu2fi

2 жыл бұрын

Get away from them and go heal…the best option

I had a shouter for one boss. He was passed from one office to another. Narcissistic Personality Disorder with extreme gaslighting. HR ,union , etc were useless. I couldn’t move on and just waited him out until he retired (early because of health). I used the silent treatment & made certain customers witnessed what he did. I wonder if he had many call-in complaints. Only my Faith in God prevented me from violent acts. Therapy helped. There were other bosses & coworkers just as bad. One female, I did a “house blessing (exorcism )“ similar to Catholic practice. I’m close to retirement, ready to write a book about these experiences.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Damn! That sounds like a doozy of a situation! Glad you're past it, and nearly at the point of retirement!

I have been experiencing this, I think it is due to management in over their heads and an owner who doesn't know the industry and goes off hearsay and their whims. Problem is I have been here 8 months and feel I can't get a new job without looking to be job hopping.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

That’s fair. Maybe you practice the techniques I offer on this channel and become a ninja until you hit your 12 or 18 month mark and then you move on.

I told my boss I felt gaslighted and he gaslighted me into thinking he wasn't gaslighting me and manipulating me bc he has nothing to gain from that. When manipulating people into doing whatever job you need them to do is your main duty as a manager 🤣

Curious has anyone encountered a situation where you ask for specifics expectations and being told the work you do is not quantifiable (when it totally is)? For example, your doing oil changes and they say you are too slow. So you ask how many a day or how many minutes should an oil change take? And they say it's not something we can put a number on...

First example is what I am living right now. It crushes me that I have to leave a job and colleagues I love because of ONE person who does not like me anymore 😢

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It is brutal. Have you explored getting support from HR or is it not practical to involve them?

@melanywin9656

Жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn My gaslighter has HR is her pocket so that's not an option unfortunatly 😞

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

So sorry. You are so right. This is crushing. Stay strong and know the best is yet to come.

@melanywin9656

Жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn Thank you! 🙏

Going through it right now with my boss. The guy is a narcissistic sociopath

Sue them

My own situation is much like in the first example. People with autism on the workplace are prone to be gaslit. My previous bosses never told me how to improve, although they tell me I have a work disability. People with autism are different, so what is my work disability? Is it a disability, or am I inexperienced? They never told me. I have a diploma Executive Secretary, but my boss told me: There is no vacancy at this moment. If there is a vacancy, I want someone who is experienced, doesn't make mistakes (nor do I), is socially flexible. I don't know whether I am. I am very intelligent, social and extravert for someone on the spectrum. And I can think very fast; may have an ability of processing information very fast, which is a requirement for secretaries. It's possible that I am gaslit, because they are very afraid of me. My father told me, and one of other bosses (from a different team than the team I am in) told me, I am an intellectual threat to others. Maybe to my boss. Then they create a barrier, so that I can't proceed. They deceive me and lie to me. "Your autism is the problem!" In what way is my autism the problem? Maybe I can work on it. If I don't try (even with making small errors that I can correct myself), I will never know whether I can finally do it.

@louises2229

2 ай бұрын

Never, ever reveal a disability. I did this about ADHD and it was used to bully me.

I would document everything and prove my point with hard copies. I would get witness and mediator instead of meeting them one on one. Thank office cameras because they can't lie about your wrong doing.

Before you quit, let them fire you. Make complaints to HR via email. Document bad behavior. Keep a paper trail. Talk to an employment attorney bc most of the time, their behavior and treatment of you are illegal.

Every psychotherapist everywhere.

As a giant people pleaser, could you please give some advice to assist when you have an aggressive yeller boss who takes advantage. How do I not become emotional as I find I will take so much but then become teary and my boss uses that to write me off. I hope this makes sense! Thank you!

@ThisisBronwyn

11 ай бұрын

I mean, part of me says “find another boss!!!” But the other part of me says … find a better job!! Seriously tho … even if you find a way to manage the tears, you’re enabling a jerk.

@ThisisBronwyn

11 ай бұрын

I did a whole podcast episode on crying at work … sending you love and support! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/20-minutes-with-bronwyn/id1410855468?i=1000430564205

What if the gaslighting does not come from a boss but from a client undermining the work of a team. Is it possible to have that and considered gaslighting?

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

In the client services world, the client has all the power so it makes perfect sense that they would be heavy into gaslighting! You are absolutely right to perceive it that way. But just because they are the client doesn’t mean they get to warp the reality and poison in the work environment. Keep watching my videos and you will have all the tricks you need to deal with them effectively! Also consider taking my no enemy course. No enemy.bronwyncommunications.com. It was literally designed for client services people in mind! Good luck out there!

I wish you were my boss.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Awwww!! Me too! 🤗

@adambarczi6305

Жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn I wouldbe very interested in your opinion. I have a supervisor who is located in a different country, almost never visits my location. Our local team consists of 4 people. We are all purchasers on the same organisational level, but I work with 1 colleague in the exact same field only. My supervisor does not really want to take any professional lead, rather lets everything go the way it wants. She is not really informed and her knowledge is deficient, for example, I have heard my colleague correct her on several occasions, even challenge my boss in front of others. This actually, suprised me. So my colleague, hving realised there is no lead, started acting as the local purchasin manager. She started asking me to explain my emails, asked me about my deadlines, checks my wor, messages. I was supposed to learn the job from her, but she withheld informaion, always only asking me all kinds of questions. She knew I could not answer as a new worker, so I felt quite dumb each time she came asking. I told my supervisor that my onboarding is not alright.I should get information first, and then we can check what is left I may not understand. But this current way I could not really put the picture together. My colleague started to tighten the grip around me, in certain cases she lectured me in front of others, stopped me on the corridor for questioning, etc. This started to go so out of control that I asked for the suport of my supervisor and guess what: she organised a meeting for us 3 where she joined my colleague in questioing and shaming me. They started to analyze my emails like when I wrote to some colleagues that I am trying to figure something our myself. They explained it away saying I wanted to shame y colleague in front of thos people claiming she did not teach me that information. But I never meant this, never wrote her name, nothing. So my boss prohibited me from asking anybody else for support, I have to turn alwaysto my colleague, who happily continues her ways. My supervisor pushes me to talk always about my colleague. Today I told her I do not want to talk about her, I will turn to her, but pther than that why should I aalways talk about her, discussing her. My supervissor told me 'You cannot decide not to talk about her. You have, when I think it is necessary' I would like to know what you think about this situation. I can hardly bear it any longer for sure.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It sounds horribly disfunctional and it sounds like they are making you feel crazy. If they have power over you in the organization, there may not be a lot you can do to change it. You may either need to accept the crazy and muddle through some how or start looking for another job. Confronting these folks won’t yield great results because it seems they aren’t capable of seeing your point of view.

@adambarczi6305

Жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn Thank you sooo much. Every word of yours really hits home. I needed some external expert opinion becaue I got so tangled up. Have a wonderful day!

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Big hugs to you Adam!

What I don't understand is: why do people who gaslight--employers in particular--expend so much energy on such preposterous behavior? If you want to get rid of an employee, fire him/her and be done with it. Gaslighting feels personal; a waste of time and money. If you need drama, audition for a play. (And WHO needs drama in the workplace?) My guess, power is fundamental to the behavior and the gaslighter is (consciously or not) reenacting some kind of unmet need. It's passive/aggressive and is unfortunately one of the bedrocks of American business--for proof, witness how much and how often these employers deny it. All gaslighting does is to bring down everyone in the organization.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

I think so much of it has to do with an inability to have a direct conversation about real things. There’s so little self-awareness and so much self aggrandizement… It makes it very difficult to have a direct frank conversation about difficult subjects. Also I don’t think people are very good at articulating what they want or what they expect and so they expect everyone to guess and read their minds. It’s such a colossal waste of time to your point

I asked my boss to be specific about his negative remark about me and he ignored. LOLLL

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

You caught him out!!! Bravo!

It’s illegal, don’t do it. Or deal with lawsuits.

^i like you shoes”…………….however…………….

@ThisisBronwyn

9 ай бұрын

😹