I actually find that private 1:1 conversations with gaslighters is dangerous. They will tell others a story opposite from what you said and get you in a corner. So, this advice is only useful if they are only using it occasionally.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent point!! In one of my other videos I talk about making sure someone is there to witness a tough conversation. It’s so true. The 1:1 works only if it’s unintentional gaslighting. Brilliant. Thank you for the comment!

@syndicalist702

Жыл бұрын

Same. The narc boss I work with burned that fuckin' bridge a long time ago. I have nothing more to say to him.

@maureenw7553

Жыл бұрын

Yes my experience too

@Ms.Delphine1204

Жыл бұрын

Always have your phone set to voice recorder

@MichelleGarcia-fg2xq

5 ай бұрын

Yup that's happening to me now. I can prove some things as this person confronts everyone, in front of everyone and someone asked me why a certain person was always so mean to me.... but the rest, I can't prove cause it's behind closed doors. I'm trying to leave but then got pulled out on medical. Feel very trapped right now

I’ve noticed my coworkers/gas lighters were just envious of my success. They’re always lurking trying to get the tea. At the end of the day, your success speaks volumes and there will always be haters. I’ve stepped into my power and recognize the signs and signals now.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

It’s so true. And so sad! It’s hard because you can’t be fully authentic with them … but your strategy is spot on!

I would advise against confronting a gaslighting boss. Virtually all gaslighters are narcissists and if that narcissist is your boss, confronting him/her is only asking for trouble. Always go into a job with an exit plan. Even after I accept a job offer I still apply for jobs. It doesn't take me very long to determine if a job is worth keeping.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

I really like your strategy it’s very wise! I do disagree though… Some gas lighters are just people who have never been taught the proper way to communicate and get their needs met but a lot of gas lighters are narcissists to your point. It’s hard to discern sometimes! Thank you for watching and for commenting I really appreciate it

I used to have a manipulator and a gas lighter as a boss, It stressed me out. He was insecure coz my diligence and energy. Thank God the top management realized his incompetence and laid him off. A lot of peace at work these days

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Wonderful outcome!!!

What you teach will help some victims, definitely. One game a gaslighted plays is “Mary,Mary-Quite Contrary”. Whatever you say, the correct answer is the complete opposite. If you put a paper in box A one day, then you’re told box B is the correct one. But the next day you put it in boxB, then box A is suddenly correct. Gas lighters are coupled with other diagnoses (sociopath,narcissistic, etc) HR & union were useless. People need to tune into videos (like yours) for self education.

@ThisisBronwyn

3 жыл бұрын

Dennis everything you said is spot on. It’s a game to them. You’re right, so often our only recourse is to protect ourselves … HR won’t help. But quite often they do! Thanks for the comment. Shine on!

@SunBrya

2 жыл бұрын

The accuracy here is uncanny. I am experiencing the exact same thing.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Dennis you are spot on. It’s a terrible, painful pattern. If they have power and HR and unions are on their side, it’s time to find another gig. It’s the healthy thing to do. It’s not worth losing self esteem over. Thanks for posting and watching.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

@@SunBrya so sorry to hear this …. Hang in there and use it as an opportunity to learn some countermoves!

@lenebrantley221

2 жыл бұрын

I absolutely agree

One on one conversation is dangerous when you are not sure this gaslighter is unconsciously or consciously gaslighting. They could let you give feedback but then later on hate you and frame you

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

There is a LOT of truth to this. I still believe in 1:1 in many cases but you are right. Sometimes it’s best to have a witness!

I am tired of the gaslighting. I'm documenting everything from here on out.

I recently, with the help of my therapist, realized I get a lot of gaslighting at work. In the past I have been “weak minded” like you said, I have never been good at comebacks nor do I really want to be. But these suggestions are amazing and I will continue learning more. I will no doubt need to use the time out at my NEW Job. I have very frequently blamed myself for so many things … “ I am the common denominator” I say that to myself and think it’s me. But it in a way is me - I need to have better boundaries and not become the scapegoat. And the “crazy one” by using these new tools I’m learning. I really just try to love people and look for the gold. But I can do that and still stand up for myself THANK YOU!!!!subscribed!!

The response I normally get to their lies is "Well it doesn't matter, we have already made the decision", or "well, we changed our minds" with the implication that if you don't like it you can quit and of course the next employer can do exactly the same thing. Without laws to protect employee rights these people are essentially lords and you are a serf under a system of corporate feudalism.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

True that. Couldn’t agree more. But there are places out there that work hard to be equitable. No place is perfect, but there are good people and good companies out there. You will find your people!!

Watched alot of videos on Gaslighting and how to make the outcome better against a Gaslighter...This is the best video I have watched out of 10....Thank you for making the video - has helped with my week at work

@ThisisBronwyn

3 жыл бұрын

Jude you made my day! I am thrilled this helped you and know I’m here for ya!!

"The week minded are very susceptible to the force".....LOVE IT !!!!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

😂

Isn't just the silent treatment and ignoring gaslighters the better choice of dealing with them? They never listen to others anyway. All you get from them is more anger and degrading words about your personality, your work style, etc.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

It can be! Totally depends on the situation and the power dynamics! Those can be super useful as well!

I love your honest passion on this topic, which projects empowerment and comfort. Thank you!

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Hooray!! So glad you got something out of it!

You are an awesome communicator! Thanks for using real life examples and giving us hope ❤ I've made the mistake of getting emotional in these situations and I'm determined to not play their game or let them get under my skin in future. Having prepared phrases and actions like this will surely be a confidence booster in the moment. Thanks again 😊

Thenmost important issue for me itself is im unabe to time out... Even for my weekends or even my evenings... Calling timeout or holiday is unthinkable ....

Hi I just wanted to say thank you so much. I had to write an email this morning about two issues I had with a supervisory aid, above workers such as myself but below my supervisor, and I had to CC my administrator as well as a supervisor in training who was apart of the exchange and someone in HR. In the past two years I have been gaslit by other HR people and my own supervisor so I decided to search on KZread how to handle and deal with such gaslighting in the workplace in case it happens again and this was tremendously helpful. I have a lot more confidence in the situation now and if they call me into the office to address my email I will definitely be putting these tips to use for my first time IF the superiors decides to try and manipulate me again.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Hooray! I love hearing this! Way to be courageous and clear!

From all the gaslighting videos, you are the most direct and have the effective strategy to stop gaslighter without compromosing the value over views only for content monetization. Very realistic and practical advice. Thank you.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

You made my week! Thank you!!

This is brilliant

Thank you🙏🏻✨ very important information!

I am currently experiencing what I believe to be gaslighting behaviour. My manager keeps trying to convince me what I remembered wasn't what was dicussed. Then she said she forgot what she said to me a week ago. When I didn't back down she told me "OK I'm wrong about everything and you're right about everything". When she got caught in her own lie she then tells me she doesn't remember anything. Then when I said we need to communicate via email so everything is documented she tells me she keeps notes of all discussion, when I asked her to refer to the notes she tells me she will have to find them. I feel broken. Thank for your video. I will try them out.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

You are not broken and documenting via email is the best way to go. Let me know how things go and hang in there.

@rodneyzirrillo5961

Жыл бұрын

You don't need to ask permission to start documenting everything through email, just do it. Don't even ask her. The next time you need to tell her you finished a project, or are ready to start another one, or you need help with a task, etc. Communicate it through email. Even if she asks you to stop. Email is great because whether or not they decide to respond, things are documented on YOUR side. When the last chip falls, it's no longer an issue of you having to defend yourself against what she is claiming happened, it's about HER having to answer to why she refused to respond to your emails, which back up your side of things and negates any story she might try to spin about events. Because yeah, from what you are describing, it sounds like she is playing some kind of game with you, and the way to defeat it is to put on your big-girl pants and do the most intelligent, professionally-correct, and effective way to do your job, which is email. And she knows it. You're essentially asking her "Is it OK if I stop playing your little fuckin mind game?" and she's telling you no, because it'd no longer be fun for her. If she absolutely causes a STINK about you using email (which she might, narcissists hate losing/being outsmarted) then simply say "Your way of doing things, like trying to remember stuff we talked about but failing to remember them properly, or handwritten/hand typed notes after the fact about our discussions that you can never find when we need them, wasn't working. This is the best, most efficient way to do this. Why are you so against this? How is this not better than you taking notes after the fact and not being able to find them later, or trying to remember a conversation we had off the top of your head and not being able to recall it, like _________ (insert examples here) As a side note, it COULD be that she's not narcissistic OR gaslighting you at all. She could just be incompetent at her job and doesn't want a paper trail proving it. Which means you DEFINITELY need to start using email. Because when shit hits the fan, and it always does, then she's going to blame you, you lack of documentation, and all the times she told to do this and you did that, etc to use as a scapegoat. Best of luck. Be prepared to fight her BIG TIME on using email going forward. Just remember that not only do you have the "correct" high ground, you literally have ALL the high grounds to stand on when it comes to this issue. Don't let her make you not do your job in the most efficient way possible because she "says so" make her PROVE why you guys shouldn't use email. Don't let her force you into defending yourself. You have all the defense you need. You're correct. Make her defend HER stance of doing things the wrong way. Get others involved if you need to. If you really want this to stop as badly as you say you do, you'll take this advice and implement it. It all starts with a single email. I really hope you do it.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

I agree with every. Single. Word. Of this comment. 👏 👏

@rodneyzirrillo5961

Жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn I see you ;) love the content BTW. I just found you but you're already one of my favorite youtubers.

@NancySmith1983

Жыл бұрын

@@rodneyzirrillo5961 thank you for this advice. I have emailing. Not yet received a response. I caught her on a lie. I want her to first clarify what I believe to be a lie and once she confirm what she had said to me I will show evidence that will disprove her and will ensure this is set out in my email. Yesterday she threatened to get HR involved. I have done nothing wrong so I told her I was sad it has come to this but if she would like HR involved then I have no objection. Thank you so much for taking the time to advise me. I need as much support as I can find right now. It's a tough fight and I never knew how work issues can bring me down in this way.

Excellent straightforward presentation firsthand, extremely helpful.Been through it all in previous workplaces. ☺️

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

So glad you liked it! Humans can be really tricky sometimes can’t they? 😂

Thank you. That’s very helpful❤

Thank you for this. Very helpful😊

Wow you’re an amazing storyteller with examples to further illustrate your talking points! Thank you for the three examples!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Yey! Thank you!!

Just saved this to one of my play lists for reference. Thank you.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

So glad!!!

I loved this video, Bronwyn! I would love to hear one step further and hear your thoughts on how to manage a double team gaslight.

@ThisisBronwyn

3 жыл бұрын

Ooh that sounds like a nightmare. I’ll definitely do a video on this! If you want to give me more detail, I’d love it! DM me on insta. @bronwynsf

This is a great video. I am going to use these strategies. Thank you for helping ❤❤❤❤

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

So glad you found it helpful, Lene!! Shine on!

"It's basic basic business 101." Love this advice on feedback

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Yey!! Glad you found it useful. Thanks for watching

Thankyou so much for this! loved this video and thoroughly understood the concepts!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so glad Simran! Take good care!!

This needs more views.

@ThisisBronwyn

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Carlos!! Like and subscribe and help me get to 1000! I so appreciate you being here and watching!❤️🤩💥

Such an amazing and helpful videos Bronwyn ! greetings from Guatemala.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

SALUDOS!!! Thank you for watching, and I'm so glad you found them helpful!

Your advice help me alots 🥰

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

So glad!!

I had a co-worker ( we will refer to her as Sally) tell me that everyone there has said things about me from the moment I started, up until now. She told me they have all said they think I could have a disability like Aspergers, or I could have mental health issues, or I could have post traumatic stress. I asked her why this had been said about me & she was like 'Oh I dunno, maybe because you're quiet.' I was then like 'Quiet?? I go out of my way to speak to everyone here, most of the people at work won't speak to you unless you speak to them first.' I then asked her who had said it & she told me she didn't want to talk about it. That following day I messaged a co-worker & told them that someone there had told me everyone there had said this about me & I asked her if she knew who had said it & she said no she didn't know. Right after I messaged her I got a message from Sally telling me to stop thinking about it. I then explained to Sally that I'm sure if I went upto her at work & told her everyone had said all this about her, I'm sure she'd want to know who said it. Sally then told me I was being too paranoid & she didn't want too talk about it & she blocked me. I think this is gaslighting, what are your thoughts on it?

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

This does sound like gaslighting to me. But because we want to own what is ours, was there anything helpful in what she said? Was she trying to tell you that you could be a better listener, for example? You could ask your colleagues for honest feedback vs asking who said what. If after gathering honest feedback you find that nothing Sally said had truth to it, then you have your answer! I hope that was helpful!

@anonymousanon2993

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn Thankyou for responding. Honestly there was nothing helpful to what she said at all! If she had of told me who had said it then I could of reflected back to the times I've interacted with that person & thought about why it is they could of said that about me. Not knowing who has said it has just left me with unanswered questions.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

@@anonymousanon2993 that makes sense. But also don’t get attached to who said what. Ask a few people who you respect for honest feedback. And listen to what they have to say in case there’s room for improvement. Resist the temptation to play sleuth, just get curious. Either way, I think you have your answer on whether or not she was gaslighting you! 😆

@anonymousanon2993

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn I guess what I could of got out of all of it is, is that maybe I should talk more to people, but I've tried talking to everyone at my workplace. Most of the time the people there won't speak to you unless you go out of your way to start up a conversation with them first. I mostly talk to the people there I'm friends with because atleast with them they will talk to you & you don't have to try so hard when it comes to having a conversation. The conversations with the people I'm friends with there have this natural flow to them.

This is the best video

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Lynne! yOU are the best! Thank u for watching

Good advice.Thanks. One question, from direct experience: What if the person completely ignores a (very clear) "time-out", and continues to shoutover everyone?

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Hi!! Glad you found it helpful … this is an important question. When someone is that emotionally triggered, they are incapable of rational discourse. Best to either a) leave the meeting or b) wait for them to finish and then excuse yourself so you can process what happened and make a game plan.

@pompeymonkey3271

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn Easier said than done in a small office... especially when the emoptional response is to lash aout and accuse everyone of "unfair" behaviour ;) But thank you for the reply. I think the underlying issue was the (thankfully now ex) MD. This MD had also failed to address continuing antisocial behaviour from a number of employees, because he was soooo scared of legal consequences (in the UK!) We all learn, and usually become stronger, through experience. :)

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

@@pompeymonkey3271 that sounds brutal … sometimes the smaller companies are the most disfuncional! Hang in there. And good for you for doing your best in the face of this kind of meeting chaos! 😚

This is super helpful, im gonna try these at work this week. I hope it works! :)

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

How’d it go?? Thanks for watching!

@PopeCop

2 жыл бұрын

The timeout is amazingly effective. I was able to get my points across so much easier without feeling confrontational. Thank you so much!

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Bravo!!!!

Helpful!! I feel armed

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

So glad!

Gaslighting at work due current time mostly on line /group chat. Them they reach out on a side chat to working you out and spin the ball to keep you on the loop.

My boss told me after the first two months that I asked my colleague in another country for help every five minutes, which was not true and got me mad and a week later repeated that infront of another colleague and put that in my KPIs. What should I do? Should I quit?

Hi. I just found out yesterday that my boss is a gaslighter and I've been looking for how to deal with her, thank you for this video because now I know what to do.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

So glad it was helpful! Keep fighting the good fight and no you are never alone.

My management team teaches their Managers to gaslight.’im so onto their bs.

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

Geeze what a sick organization! Time to dust off that resume and find a better gig! Even if it takes a while, keep your eye open for better opportunities. If what you’re saying is true, it’s unlikely they’ll change their ways. Hang in there.

i was gas lighted for 13 years then fired without reason. We worked side by side for the 13 years then was shunned and no reason for firing me and lost everything i had in a week and they gained everything

@ThisisBronwyn

Жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry this happened to you. 😢

Gas lighters are NOT open to feedback. That is something that can only be done with a REASONABLE person. One on one is where they are the MOST manipulative. I've found you shut them down more when you use statement like....I know what I said. I remember that perfectly. I stand by what I said......I'm confident....the very worst thing is to EXPLAIN in detail your reasons for things or WHY you're so sure.....that's like a candy store of information to these people to confuse and manipulate

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

I love this and agree. Though I think you are more talking about hardcore narcissistic gaslighters. Sometimes people who gaslight do it without fully realizing how toxic it is. They need to be brought into a state of awareness around it. But if it’s a narcissist, you are dead right about all of it.

Hello Bronwyn. Do you recommend identifying the behavior of gaslighting to a narcissist?

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

That depends. Do you mean do I recommend telling a narcissist that they’re actively gaslighting you?

@Gina-wn3nc

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThisisBronwyn correct.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

@@Gina-wn3nc then I’m gonna shoot a video just on this. It’s a complicated answer. It is yes and no. ;) stay tuned!

This don’t work with a psychopath

Nope honey we have not always been there those few that don’t step on others and have a conscious do not make others look bad period

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Then you are a rare blessing in this world! 🥰

Get a fucking lawyer and end the cycle. Mindset of work is work will start being a more normalized mentality. I don’t understand how anyone could be against that kind of mindset. A person that adopts a mindset like that shouldn’t be praised but also at the very least not be punished.

Good commentary on Gaslighting and how to deal with it. Until the comment on feedback. No, you don't have to be open to feedback in an business environment. that is the most insane thing I have ever heard. So, people are just suppose to line up and you willingly just take their shots. Please! That behavior is narcissistic in and of itself. Who the hell are you to "give feedback" to anyone. Do you think CEOs would just allow you to come in and say "Hey I have some feedback on your narcissistic and borderline sociopathic behavior." Really? Please.

@ThisisBronwyn

2 жыл бұрын

Please don’t hold back. 😂 I disagree. I think there are nuances that we need to be aware of in terms of power and hierarchy but as professionals we need to get feedback. Perhaps not all CEOs are down for this, but the good ones are. :) thanks for watching and weighing in!

@beasaroze5596

2 жыл бұрын

Trigger.exe has been activated.