Real women don't hit men.

@crazy__cripple8704

5 жыл бұрын

i just finished witcher 3. playing through ng+ worth my/your time?

@Geralt--of--Rivia

5 жыл бұрын

@@crazy__cripple8704 Was that your first playthrough?

@crazy__cripple8704

5 жыл бұрын

@@Geralt--of--Rivia yup... including the 2 expansions

@Geralt--of--Rivia

5 жыл бұрын

@@crazy__cripple8704 Go for it, then. Witcher 3 has good replay value.

@----.__

5 жыл бұрын

@@Geralt--of--Rivia You're a good bloke.

Rule #1: Don’t try to heckle a comedian. It’s like trying to punch an MMA fighter

@rachekane

2 жыл бұрын

Rule #2: Don't try to punch an MMA fighter. It's like pulling a gun on a President

@dsakurai

2 жыл бұрын

@@rachekane Rule #3: Don't try to pull a gun on a President. It's like trying to slap the Undertaker

@fabio5286

2 жыл бұрын

@@dsakurai Rule #4: Don't try to slap the Undertaker. It's like trying to hug a snake

@lyrina3113

2 жыл бұрын

@@fabio5286 Rule #5: Don't try to hug a snake. It's like trying to avoid an ambush from Jake Roberts.

@yaelmurillo1863

2 жыл бұрын

@@lyrina3113 Rule #6: Don’t try avoiding an ambush from Jake Roberts. It’s like racing against Usain Bolt.

"You rub one out. It's the champagne of victory." Just an amazing piece of comedy. Punctuated with so many good lines.

@edithbannerman4

4 ай бұрын

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

@Seriously...576

Ай бұрын

He is JUST AMAZING!!!!!

I love the woman who screamed 'Everyday!!!' She made bill's joke so poignant

@hunter423

6 ай бұрын

Maybe she did it because she knew there were cameras but luckily it added to his bit perfectly.

@Ten_Thousand_Locusts

6 ай бұрын

Let's all have a moment of silence for the poor sap that has to go home with that one

@lainarte

6 ай бұрын

@@Ten_Thousand_Locusts Why? Can't she joke about it like we did?

@Ten_Thousand_Locusts

6 ай бұрын

@@lainarte was she joking though?

@LukeVincent-xt4dz

5 ай бұрын

​@@Ten_Thousand_LocustsThat's true we should find out

Ah yes, the classic “I’m gonna piss him off, then play victim when he gets mad” routine.

@antonijajuric9734

3 жыл бұрын

My mother does that to me and I am a woman.

@mitchtrubisky999

3 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY

@mitchtrubisky999

3 жыл бұрын

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@TheTraditionalGolfer

2 жыл бұрын

Everytime

@positivelygrowing12321

2 жыл бұрын

This doesn't get enough credit.

it's weird seeing van gogh with two ears

@alexthurow9032

5 жыл бұрын

Bro lol wut.

@hugoguest6746

5 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha great

@antoka1201

5 жыл бұрын

Bro wtf

@nm8409

5 жыл бұрын

ok

@antoka1201

5 жыл бұрын

n m νελληη

"Ladies can you at least admit that every ass kicking doesn't just fall out of the sky". I lost it man.

@abdielrosero9685

2 ай бұрын

😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂

@Fr3k3

17 күн бұрын

oh god I laughed so fuckin hard

Still one of the greatest and most fearless comedy monologues of all time.

@Piitaa_Pain

10 ай бұрын

you wanna go to baskin robbins?

@MrMb167

8 ай бұрын

@@Piitaa_Painyou buying?

@traceesmith01

6 ай бұрын

​@@Piitaa_PainTUNA CASSEROLE? 😡👊👊💥

@GodJustCopyPasteWhatISay

6 ай бұрын

"How come you can't ask questions? If I got bit by a rattlesnake wouldn't you guys have some questions? How did it happen? Did ya not see it? Were ya fuckin with it?? Firemen put out a fire they don't just drive away afterwards they sift through the debris. How did it start? Here's an oily rag!" Hmm. Now what situation? In the present-day? Hmm. What's happening rn? Hm...

@--pussypatroll--

5 ай бұрын

Agree 100%. This was remarkable.

That shit about how his wife slapped him upside the head then said "were gonna discuss this later when you calm down" made me so mad and it didn't even happen to me lol

@rjones6801

6 жыл бұрын

A year or so ago my wife thought I was mad at her for some reason. I wasn't, but she had it in her head that I was. So of course her reaction was to be a complete asshole to me for her own imagined reasons. In the matter of maybe 2 minutes she asks why I'm mad, I say I'm not, there's slight back and forth, and then she slams the bathroom door in my face. I completely lost it like I've never done before. I actually ended up punching a hole through the door and basically breaking it in two. I've had some anger issues in the past, but never like this (and never towards a person - usually dumb shit like technology). Women are absolute masters of pushing our buttons - and all because she THOUGHT I was angry at her for something. It's like they're so complicated within their own heads that they can't actually control it, and therefore they're all crazy.

@foxvulpes8245

6 жыл бұрын

Logan Bibb I got put through a cinder block wall once...needless to say I still won the fight. Once though, my ex-wife was neglecting me for like 2 weeks and tried to use boobs to manipulate me off what I was doing. When I told her I didn't have time for that, she got pissed and I didn't care. Tldr; She punched me in the back of the head so hard I saw stars.... I threw my chair across the house and calmly said "if I did that to you, one of us would be going to jail right now... I suggest you go somewhere else right now."

@Radonatos

6 жыл бұрын

The thing is, if both were men (i.e. a friend or bro, repeatedly annoying you for attention) then you'd give him some 'attention' where it hurts, and afterwards both are still cool because they know it was deserved, the the whole issue is resolved. Women just lack those "you brought it upon yourself"-neurons and will probably pass any lie-detector tests when they claim "I didn't do ANYTHING!"

@margarethafalco63

6 жыл бұрын

Wow ... ya'll had bad experience

@theasian24601

6 жыл бұрын

Jay the Climber there is a comedian that kind of talks about that. His case for why Christians hate Gays, and his answer is because they found a loop hole. They don’t have to ever deal with women, and they get all the sex they want. Haha!

“Have a rough day at the factory, come home ‘tuna casserole?!’ And just start swinging” 😂

@izzyalice937

5 жыл бұрын

Alec McCarthy i read this right as he said it wtfff

@ayy_lmao

5 жыл бұрын

The way he says tuna casserole always kills me lmao

@Maksymetzmj

5 жыл бұрын

Hahaha I love Tuna Casserole

@loristnorton3723

4 жыл бұрын

@@Maksymetzmj do you swing after earing or before?

@tommydewitt8583

4 жыл бұрын

F’n hilarious!

That woman who yelled “everyday” had one of those moments like in any sport where you have that magical shot without realizing it. The stars aligned

“Talking about hitting women sweet heart” gets me every time!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

@ericparrish1515

Ай бұрын

Raises a red flag yeah

"Rub one out... it's the champagne of victory." Greatest line ever!

@zippysonmcgr8430

2 жыл бұрын

Honestly lmao

@danielmerrell5534

2 жыл бұрын

Damn! It's so freaking true!

@danielmerrell5534

2 жыл бұрын

Remember that one time when you did that bullshit!

@teariet.tekken-wolffenn5881

2 жыл бұрын

I can see it.

@kurtisdiston4851

2 жыл бұрын

agreed

"There's a reason to hit everyone, JUST DONT DO IT. There's a reason to push an old man down a flight of stairs, JUST DON'T IT. Ain't nobody above an asswhopping." - Chris Rock

@lt.generalofsalt4273

5 жыл бұрын

Juggalo972 is do all of them🤔 down south we don’t play that shit. Man woman child .... raise em right or they’re getting slapped

@josephvonbulow1164

5 жыл бұрын

Nice 😊

@bright.light.sights933

4 жыл бұрын

@Mildly Amusing Channel Asshole behavior needs to be punished. If it doesn't that shit is just going to get worse. People only change through pain.

@bright.light.sights933

4 жыл бұрын

@Mildly Amusing Channel you can punish without violence, but sometimes a dude needs eat a elbow to know talking shit isn't acceptable

@jamesphillips3135

4 жыл бұрын

Mildly Amusing Channel there’s a difference between discipline from abuse. Learn it.

Could be the best live bit in comedy history when you take into consideration the material, the wording, the crowd interaction, and the overall execution. Bill executed his material like a seasoned vet and the woman who yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!" was a gift from the comedy gods because it fit so perfectly with his act. This is stand-up comedy at its finest.

@ChildrensRightsFirst947

3 ай бұрын

I just want to know if the same people applauding this clip would have the same reaction if this was a female comedian saying similar things about hitting men. "But what did he do that led to it?" and all that. Also even if they were meant to be jokes, it's easy to how they could have influence in a world where abuse of men by women isn't taken seriously enough.

@MinosML

19 күн бұрын

​​@@ChildrensRightsFirst947yes, and I'd go on a limb that it would take much less finesse and comedic skill in order to pull that off like Bill here Hitting men is always funny, by default, no context needed Not saying I agree, just saying that's the way it is, men are the disposable sex, once they reach adulthood.

I genuinely love how he derives so much humor while simultaneously teaching real life lessons by simply calling out the sheer dumbassery that’s been accepted by mainstream society and logically breaking it down. The “no reason to hit a women” bit seems edgy but it’s simply calling out the sheer arrogance that women are somehow above reproach compared to men and men just have to accept that. It solves literally nothing about what led to that conflict in the first place and does nothing to prevent future conflicts.

@timbaker8020

2 жыл бұрын

Well said 👍

@ararune3734

Жыл бұрын

Because it's not designed to fix or prevent anything, it's designed for a gynocentric society

@Anarcho-Communist895

Жыл бұрын

Women and men both hold women accountable for stuff....Remember the Johnny Depp trial? Women came out of the woodwork to support JD instead of AH. The truth is no one's holding men accountable like we should. Men are murdering and raping at at least 10 times the rate women do, and it's not talked about nearly enough because a lot of men want to stay in denial. Also religion is very sexist towards women, but we don't talk about that much either because a lot of men get angry when they hear about sexism and we can't have that! Lots of male snowflakes out there can't handle hearing facts.

@1fromoutside

Жыл бұрын

​@Ararune we still live in pretty much male centric society

@codywood1295

Жыл бұрын

​@1fromoutside in many ways we don't though. I think men just talk less in general. Complain less. Get listened to less. Women get significantly less jail time for the same crimes as men. God forbid a women wants to take the kids away from a man, she starts with the advantage.

I've told my wife "Maybe we should talk about it later when you have calmed down". I don't think I've ever seen her more visibly pissed off any other time for any other reason than after I said that.

@tmccann1876

5 жыл бұрын

Tried this about a week ago. We live together, she's losing her shit, I said "When you want to have an adult conversation we'll talk." 3 days of no zero talking later I finally had to give the olive branch. There's no win

@iilhares

5 жыл бұрын

That's because you surrendered. You started on the moral high ground and then relented, giving in to an emotionally manipulative tyrant.

@josevillalobos547

5 жыл бұрын

LMFAO I love it

@Scarletraven87

5 жыл бұрын

@@tmccann1876 why had you to give up? Fucking idiot

@jeremyshipp4414

4 жыл бұрын

Bretton Ferguson damn dude I feel this in my soul

Oh man, the shit he said about women losing arguments is so true.

@usarmyfl1

6 жыл бұрын

Oh yea.. They will start bringing up past issues which have no relation to the current argument because they have nothing else on you. As he said, you've won then.

@Charmer4856

6 жыл бұрын

I LOVE IT!!!!

@prw56

6 жыл бұрын

After I noticed that my mother does this with me, my sister, and my father, I lost a massive amount of respect for her. It makes her look childish, and it prolongs the issue that started the debate in the first place.

@VuongNgocHieu99

6 жыл бұрын

my mother did this ..and its exactly why my whole family hates her .

@garintj1547

6 жыл бұрын

Hiếu Vương Ngọc healthy relationship

After 22 years of marriage I discovered that winning an argument just makes your wife madder.

@bowmaj8666

11 күн бұрын

It doesn't even have to be an argument. It can just be a minor disagreement, and she'll be mad at you if you're right and she's wrong. It doesn't even need to be important. "No, Burt Reynolds did not play Richard, Monica's boyfriend in Friends! That was Tom Selleck!" She Googled it, and wouldn't talk to me for hours!

100%. I had a buddy of mine actually got married last year. Didn't even last a fucking year because this.... Cretin he married, was as unstable as an out of balance scale. This woman destroyed him and he just took it all. When I was living with them, multiple times I thought to myself, "I wonder how she'd feel if I did the exact same to her?" About 3 months of that crap and I decided to move out. She kept needling me on why I was leaving, I told her she couldn't handle the truth, and low and behold, I was right. I didn't get a quarter of the way through my explanation and she loses her damn mind! It was ridiculous. Thankfully, my friend filed for divorce and is suing her for physical, mental and emotional damage. It's literally an open and shut case cuz I'm one of 5 witnesses

@jonathanjrgensen6774

6 ай бұрын

Glad you both got out - How did the court case go if you don't mind me asking?

@midnightlupin1

6 ай бұрын

@@jonathanjrgensen6774 Sadly he went back to her and dropped the divorce. He's no longer my friend but I did manage to get a settlement and she lost her job in the process of it all going down

@theultimatemoderate8165

5 ай бұрын

@@midnightlupin1 You should try to tap that thing, bet it grabs back. Frankly it was the only thing that held us together. And I was right, so far every relationship after was not as good in the sack. Go for it, I'll bet she's up for a way to get back at her ex even if you're on her enemies list.

@midnightlupin1

5 ай бұрын

@@theultimatemoderate8165 I would much rather put my genitals through a wood chipper than touch the lecherous troglodyte.

@midnightlupin1

3 ай бұрын

@@theultimatemoderate8165 I would much rather slather my genitals in honey and insert them into a box with poisonous hornets than put them anywhere near that. She's hideous on both the outside and inside. Plus I'd rather not get gonoherpasyphillus 27.

My wife was talking negative about my mother, each statement got worse and worse. When I defended my mother, and told her to stop talking smack about my mom, she asked me what good my mother ever taught me? I told her "She taught me to never hit a woman"! That shut her up!

@thebitgamer2425

5 жыл бұрын

😂

@felixr.4177

5 жыл бұрын

ooooooö my fucking God legend

@user-lb4bz8tu2k

5 жыл бұрын

@@StandYourGroundHomestead I'm very concerned for the amount of Freud I feel from your comment. Are you sure you only love your mom as a parent?

@JulianTimMusic

5 жыл бұрын

J Ron holy shit dude! You got serious issues

@AGreatDayForHockey29

5 жыл бұрын

sounds like a threat, i dont approve jerami

The funniest line in this whole joke is “it’s gonna fuckin rust”. Gets me every time.

@classygary

3 жыл бұрын

His dog shaking off the morning cold 🥶😎

@natwally7869

2 жыл бұрын

Mine is ‘were you fucking with it?’ 😂

@bryceparascand2848

2 жыл бұрын

I love the whole set. Watched for years now and I still laugh just as hard

@adear2756

2 жыл бұрын

@@classygary The dog thing is actually a reference to an older joke, where the dog feeds off his anger, so like mans best friend doesn't know why dads mad but he's on his side so he's mad too. That's why the dug was shaking like a psycho, bill was raging and the dog was amping up right next to him lol

@arenasification

2 жыл бұрын

@@adear2756 exactly. was thinking about forwarding this to a friend and he wouldn't understand the dog thing, since he doesn't know the special :D

Love how this bit has a woman positively heckle and another woman negatively heckle and they both just work great

I dated a woman that had no idea what respect or decency was. We'd be out in public and she'd be one of those "get all loud and make a scene" types. I'd always tell her that she's gonna end up getting me arrested because some drunk guy is gonna hear her and think he needs to put his two sense in and get assaulted in the process. I'd just walk away from where ever we were no matter where and leave her there for a while. She stabbed me with a key. Eventually yea, she got hit.

@someidiotwithafryingpan3752

Жыл бұрын

Good. If she hit you first she had it coming.

@_Cato_

Жыл бұрын

Based

@rockoyhead

5 ай бұрын

This is why you need to show you are the one with the leverage not them. Let them think if they fuck up they pay not you. It's not them leaving which is scary, it's you leaving. What woman, especially when they get older, is more valuable than the man? Think about it. Give attention to other girls.

@zackyzackyzacky1

5 ай бұрын

@@_Cato_on a true story

@dedgzus6808

4 ай бұрын

@@kellym8287 oh yea, I got outta there years ago

This guy should be a marriage counselor.

@righttoexplain

5 жыл бұрын

He is.

@gunchief0811

5 жыл бұрын

HE IS! IM GETTING COUNSELING AS I WATCH!

@TheWartHawg

5 жыл бұрын

I learned in my last marriage that marriage counseling is just paying someone to tell the husband how wrong he is, because they know damn well that they will never get anywhere with the wife.

@ByWayOfDeception

5 жыл бұрын

@@TheWartHawg amen brother. Exactly what happened and continues to happen with my EX wife. They always work on the more reasonable one.

@TheWartHawg

5 жыл бұрын

@@caitlinb.9596 Exactly why they work on the man. They've studied the experiences of others and have learned that a clam can't be reasoned with. Therefore the goal becomes perception manipulation and modification of the guy. If they can get the guy to live within the craziness of the woman, they have a win, and they know that's the only way they'll get it.

I’m a woman and I agree. I’ve seen (and heard) a lot of my male friends/colleagues get bullied by their partners. They took it because she’s a woman and these women had no empathy or respect especially when in public. Making fun of your man, demeaning him, yelling at him, slamming the door in their face wether in a room or car, whatever it is, it’s all disrespectful. There is a way to disagree. Don’t take advantage of this bias and abuse your position. Upsets me greatly because I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where both my mom and dad respected each other and argued like grown ups. Shameful what I’ve seen time and time again.

@ACertainGuy0

2 жыл бұрын

I've never been more irritated than when people pretend to know what Equality is. when most people claim "equality" when it suits their agenda, whatever it may be. Equality is equality, a man is equal to a woman and vice versa, and no other way.

@ReptilianAnusWizzard

2 жыл бұрын

@@ACertainGuy0 equallity is when you punch her just as hard as any other guy

@rzwitdauncut

2 жыл бұрын

im never letting sum chick ever disrespect me in public. if she wants to do in public everything can be handled right then and there

@darrenfleming7901

2 жыл бұрын

I think the issue is people see that most physical abuse in relationship is done by men and so they think abuse is one sided towards men. When you take into account verbal abuse and emotional manipulation it isn't that one sided anymore. Also, it's an outdated mindset to only chalk it up to the difference in physical strength, because if that were the case then people could just walk away from abusive relationships, but they can't because their a psychological aspect to it that boxes them in.

@tahmidjahin179

2 жыл бұрын

Would you like to go out on a coffee date someday?

“You rub one out, that’s the champagne of victory” I definitely felt that 😂😭🏆🍾🥂

"I'm talking about hitting women, sweetheart, and I think you just added another reason!" 😆😂

I am a girl, I totally agree. Bill, The truthful savage.

@lekhapratap1652

5 жыл бұрын

Came 4 the Cookies XD lol

@tdl487

5 жыл бұрын

@@cameforthecookies6419 obliviously you don't get the humor but of well lol

@rhapsodyinglue8758

5 жыл бұрын

Are you single?

@rhapsodyinglue8758

5 жыл бұрын

That was clearly just a compliment for those who understand KZread. "The over thinking is very strong with this one" lol

@cameforthecookies6419

5 жыл бұрын

*Noice* 😂 👌

The most important moment of male progress in the last 20 years.

@hiwayhighway9925

2 жыл бұрын

Serious as a heart attack. How to argue saved my sanity and marriage

@quentinparhiala9415

2 жыл бұрын

Your right about that

@fabioveloso3469

2 жыл бұрын

I H A T E Y O U

@boston_nsca

2 жыл бұрын

@TipsyBrothers only real beta males call other people on the internet who they don't know beta males.

@MA-yu2ss

2 жыл бұрын

@@boston_nsca ironic of you to say

Love it when he 'stirs the cauldron' with the mic stand at 10:23

@juneperry7987

2 ай бұрын

I didn't catch that the first time. Hilarious.😂

I've listened to this bit dozens of times but it still never gets old

He's not wrong, lol. I love my gf very much but sometimes when she is losing an argument, she will bring up things that dont even pertain to our conversation....just to get an edge and sometimes it's really hurtful shit.

@jim2245

4 жыл бұрын

Why I carry a Zippo 😉

@anypercentdeathless

4 жыл бұрын

Tots m'gots.

@AngelicBreath1111

4 жыл бұрын

You might need counseling or break up, depending on how terrible the things she says are.

@afterburned06

4 жыл бұрын

Respect goes both ways, just let her know you dont need that shit and it needs to stop. Better to be single and rub one out than be with a woman who doesn't respect you.

@Rick_Sanchez_C137_

4 жыл бұрын

Icky Mclicky Dump the bitch!

Poor Johnny Depp. If only more people watched Bill Burr...

@DavidE_dos

4 жыл бұрын

Then his case would’ve been worse. He should’ve never married the skank.

@soulreaper5510

4 жыл бұрын

@@monicapyle id do more than that

@ComicWriter-ml3qt

4 жыл бұрын

James Bond James you’d fuck anything that isn’t nailed down

@soulreaper5510

4 жыл бұрын

@@ComicWriter-ml3qt 😂😂😂

@Moonshine449

3 жыл бұрын

@Jolyne Cujoh that's what he's saying

I come back to this just to hear that woman yell in the break of the joke "EVERYDAY" and I swear Bill Burr is one of the most real comedians left out there today. That symphony, unplanned, moment of the crowd participating in the joke is what makes comedy, comedy. He expected that but didnt expect that comment, and the crowd delivered.

@edithbannerman4

4 ай бұрын

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

“Worked like a charm. Worked like a charm!” “Even hockey has two minutes for instigating.” An underrated hilarious line.

My uncle got beat up, violently, by his now ex-girlfriend. The police arrived, came inside, and arrested him. Even though she was clearly the one at the scene who beat him up, the cops still took my uncle away to a temporary cell. Luckily, he was only fined but still, that's just fucked up.

@aileenzhao7951

5 жыл бұрын

yikes

@NobleNobbler

5 жыл бұрын

That's the shit going down now. The power women weild is outrageous. Your uncle, if arrested, is now part of a permanent database even if his records are "expunged" or "sealed".

@user-wl6bw3jl4n

5 жыл бұрын

+Jeffarry Fined? Fined for what?

@JeffarryLounder

5 жыл бұрын

Chris V He was fined with “harassment” or some shit like that. They knew they couldn’t just fine him for straight up assault, because he didn’t do it. So they aimed lower and accused him of harassing her.

@Add183

5 жыл бұрын

Your uncle should’ve gone to see a doctor recorded the injuries and sue the county for a miss handling of justice

Cause of Bill Burr, I've started winning arguments. He's right gents, Bob and Weave

@stonedjesus9887

4 жыл бұрын

@Charles Martel even tho you are right 99.999999999999999%, there is the VERY rare time that a man will win and that's why he's named Chuck Norris...

@saucegodnas7318

4 жыл бұрын

@Charles Martel Bob and Weave.

@jasondyrkacz8270

4 жыл бұрын

The moment she goes rogue, you win. Do the Colin Kaepernick and take a knee.

@fiftystate1388

4 жыл бұрын

@Charles Martel A "draw" is a win sometimes. At least she stopped talking about it.

@fiftystate1388

4 жыл бұрын

@@stonedjesus9887 Hey Adolph, you might like to hear how I stopped my ex-wife from calling me "The biggest asshole who was ever born." It's short and it worked.

The woman who said "EVERY DAY!" rescued the joke.

@theodorerobert6579

Ай бұрын

No it didn't

This aged really well

I was in a situation where I had no choice. It was my wife at the time. We got into an argument and she became very violent towards me in front of our kids. I didn't want my kids to see it so I tried to take them outside. My son was two years old at the time and she tried to snatch him away from me using a lot of force. She could have hurt him really bad. My gut reaction was to go into protective mode. I backhanded her and she slid half way across the house. She called the police and we both went to jail because we both had signs of an altercation on us. She took out a domestic violence order on me so to protect myself I took one out on her. When we finally went to court the judge looked at my ex and told her that I had the right and responsibility to protect my children from anyone including her. Dismissed my charge and asked me if I still wanted to press charges on her but I dropped them. If the situation were the same I would do it again but only to protect my children.

@BM-fz9yc

3 жыл бұрын

Jarrod Heglar I’m glad the judge sided with you there. I

@goonk6149

3 жыл бұрын

You are a god good sir

@catsangblue

3 жыл бұрын

That judge...is the good judge.

@nextdoorcatwhosecretlylike8270

3 жыл бұрын

i wouldnt drop the charges if i were there tbh

@denzelortiz7346

3 жыл бұрын

That is rare. The father wins and deserved to. Awesome.

Lol I love the chick that screams “EVERYDAY”

@369pendulum

5 жыл бұрын

I wish my girl would say that shit while sitting next to me. Look at the type of shit women can get away with!

@369pendulum

5 жыл бұрын

Daij Shut yo sexy ass up

@DracoGangLive

5 жыл бұрын

@@369pendulum This escalated quickly..

@jackspediceye9961

5 жыл бұрын

I would like a friend like her

@sdry

5 жыл бұрын

perfect timing.

I have a shitty temper and my wife also has one, so we agreed not to scream at our faces or even go over each other's voice when in close quarters. I appreciate a lot how much we both actually comply with it. Practical strategy simply works amazing. Even though we never had a physical discussion one can tell with our crappy tempers the best is too be conscious about it and create all possible barriers.

@oz_jones

Жыл бұрын

Communication is key in a relationship? Who knew! Snarkiness aside, good to hear you are working out

@christopher5200

Ай бұрын

Wear a party hat when discussing tense stuff.

This is my favorite bit. Not only did it get me hooked on burr, but it changed my life substantially in handling relationships. Love this guy

OMG, I died when the woman in the audience yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!!" 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

@erikbaran7197

5 жыл бұрын

Naimal - The feeling's mutual, hon.

@Mistanyycguy

5 жыл бұрын

Later that night, her husband beat her ass lol

@kingjaven13

5 жыл бұрын

NaimaLovesPizza that was classic

@DIZAZZO

5 жыл бұрын

NaimaLovesPizza And how they brought you back from the dead to comment this?

“IM NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER AND SHES NAGGING ME!” 🤣 bill ur the best!!!

@seanscanlon9067

4 жыл бұрын

In fairness the woman who shouted out actually said.... "It's her right".

@syedrahim6199

4 жыл бұрын

@@seanscanlon9067 ahhh that makes sense. But kinda see how Bill cant hear her right its far from him. Still that made a wonderful impromptu joke from Bill!

@husasizzle

4 жыл бұрын

"Talking about hitting women, sweetheart, AND I THINK YOU JUST ADDED ANOTHER REASON!" 😂😂😂

@ihsahnakerfeldt9280

4 жыл бұрын

@@seanscanlon9067 No she didn't. She stressed the first word, which does not match the statement you wrote.

@seanscanlon9067

4 жыл бұрын

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 So what do you think was the first word there?

“ we’re talking about hitting women sweetheart , and I think you just added another reason “ 😭💀

i always come back to this clip .....and it gets new everytime i watch it ....THIS IS GOLD

"Rub one out like a man, it's the champagne of victory" - GENIUS!

@girlspooptoo8567

6 жыл бұрын

StonyRC Yes

@deanjenkins165

6 жыл бұрын

StonyRC

@BouganvillaSeeds

6 жыл бұрын

I gotta say... that’s brilliant

@davidarroyo3361

6 жыл бұрын

StonyRC Genius indeed

@baishihua

6 жыл бұрын

StonyRC Dude that is beautiful, like artistic even.

8:00 "Come home 'TUNA CASSEROLE!' and just start swingin.." 😂😂😂😂 I'm in tears

@yaneyd93

5 жыл бұрын

Can someone explain this to me ? I'm not a native english speaker. i wanna know what it means, i bet it's hilarious.

@drake5118

5 жыл бұрын

@@yaneyd93 it doesn't really mean anything in particular, primarily just a piece of dark humor out of how America's domestic abuse can literally stem from the simplest of things, e.g. "Tuna casserole for dinner"

@yaneyd93

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you, i have just googled Tuna casserole and now i get it :D

@molostone8946

5 жыл бұрын

@@yaneyd93 dimwit

@traviscrowell8946

5 жыл бұрын

Molo Stone racist

I wish I had the chance of standing next to this guy just so that I can hear him talk, I love his sense of humor so much 😂

“Take a knee and run out the clock” Best advice ever! 😂

Q:"Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?" A: "Being right makes me happy, darlin"

@fiftystate1388

4 жыл бұрын

"Right or wrong, I'm right."

@afmghost1759

3 жыл бұрын

Her: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Me: Are you threatening me, master jedi?

If I'm ever in the court for hitting a woman, I want bill burr as my lawyer.

@Latitz

3 жыл бұрын

And imagine if judge was woman there. 😂

@MidoReigh

3 жыл бұрын

He won't represent you if you hit a woman. That's the whole point.

@armadylsmage6658

2 жыл бұрын

@@MidoReigh his whole point is you shouldn’t just dismiss everything and focus on result. You have to actually look at what happened and lead to that point. He even says it “you cut out the build up and you’re left with the result. It’s crazy”

@OiVinn-eq1ml

2 жыл бұрын

Lol

@pr1me840

2 жыл бұрын

He will need a real law license not one from community college.

This is healing comedy at its best. Talking about things 90% of couples don't talk about, leading to 60% divorce rate and unhappy compromises of marriages of people too afraid to divorce.

I would never do it. Except. If she hits me first. Especially if she’s a stranger. If she hits me. She’s going down.

The headphones story is absolutely relatable. That shit is insane. Poke the bear like 10 times and then when the bear snaps they go, "Why are you so mad?" That or a similar stupid response.

@sohailsayeed9361

2 жыл бұрын

agreed! it shows a painful degree of immaturity. That's just as petty and immature as walking around blasting the music, maybe even more!

@hoosier3060

2 жыл бұрын

Gaslighting.

@ghost245353

2 жыл бұрын

He pissed her off because he was being petty. She demanded to talk and he blew up.

@lalanagunarathne7298

2 жыл бұрын

@@ghost245353 she was petty first about the dog walking.

@pumpkinlyd4409

2 жыл бұрын

Unless someone hits you, you don't hit them, unless you are totally simple and incapable of a grown up response.

"We're talking about hitting women sweetheart....and I think you just added another reason." Lol haha that was one of the best comebacks towards a heckler.

@leftheodo

5 жыл бұрын

Tayeb Elshaikh You should see the blind hecler and how bill turned it up. It's amazing

@KandelaGC

5 жыл бұрын

lmao, I think she wasn't talking to him.

“EVERYDAAAAAYYY” had me dying

“It’s gonna fuckin rust”. This is the funniest moment of this entire segment by far, and there are a lot in here. I find myself watching those few seconds on repeat quite often.

Bill Burr is such a freak genius at wading into that gray area along the socially taboo and verboten and then just toying with that boundary in a hilarious way.

@laynaTheLobster

2 жыл бұрын

I mean, you're right, but why is talking about how to handle relationships properly taboo? I think that Bill Burr has a lot of good social commentary too.

@purplegoopguy

2 жыл бұрын

My guy dives across the line and pulls it with him

@Travelling..Bottle..Digger

2 жыл бұрын

yeah, he blew my mind 🖐👀

@trentjacobs3957

2 жыл бұрын

Burr, like Greg Giraldo are part of a very small group of comedians that can not only pull of pedophile jokes but, actually open with it....and nail it. Burr might not b the GOAT but....he might b.

@osio7528

2 жыл бұрын

@@trentjacobs3957 he definitely is the GOAT

My mother is a Hispanic. She was beat and abused by my father. She left him eventually. However she tells me this... Don't ever hit a women. You're a man and you're much stronger. However if a girl thinks she can just hit you over and over again cause she is a girl and can get away with it or wants to fight you like a man then you fight her like a man. Don't let any female place their hands on you like that.

@aasdfaafa7110

5 жыл бұрын

Why would she tell u the latter part? seems to have nothing to do with what she was going through

@David-zx9nh

5 жыл бұрын

@@aasdfaafa7110 Or maybe, she was telling him he has the right to defend himself, and he's not a punching bag for women. if a woman hits me, I'm hitting her back. Equality and all that. More people need to tell there worthless daughters it's not ok to put their hands on others.

@aliquidgaming1068

5 жыл бұрын

@@aasdfaafa7110 she told me that cause she is sensible and knows a man and women should defend themselves. She doesn't think a man should ever place their hands on a female but if a female hits a man then that man has a right to defend themselves

@imlookinatyou5251

5 жыл бұрын

you have a good mother

@a46475

5 жыл бұрын

Your mom is an idiot.

Bill Burr is funny ironic, truthful and wilfully self deprecating at the same time - that takes talent.

I had an argument with my ex, she demanded my FB details since she thought I was cheating I was in shock at first I thought we were really good and said no at first then she got very heated that got me heated (if never strike because my "father" hit our mum and us, we didn't have kids but that left emotional scars on me) I said fine she went through it all and Nothing, then since we were on topic I said how about you show me yours? She said no and claimed "I thought we had more trust than that?!" I thought WOW!!! and that really fucked me off so I said "you gotta be whoring yourself out then ent ya?!" She slapped and punched me across the chest several times, it didn't overly hurt, so I say "that's you all over! You would never want to leave a mark on the face" then *!!BAMN!!* I got slapped HARD across the face, and I felt that jolt of electricity though my arm my body SCREAMING to hit her back but I left and as I went to leave she swung again then tried to grabbed me begging to stay I had to jump dodge and slide down the stairs to get out she chased me out the house and up several streets needless to say we broke up, THEN she said she was pregnant in a text I said rule out your FB buddies before you pull that shit on me, we caught her in a lie with that about having my baby aborted, so yeah after all of this I really wanted to at least slap her a little 😩🙄🤦

As a woman I can fully agree that there are many reasons to hit a woman

@lsurech8559

5 жыл бұрын

Zoey Lolers as Female myself I agree. Especially those who are emotionally imbalanced, loud, lack of manners and couldn’t respond with reasons but emotions.

@lsurech8559

5 жыл бұрын

Thelondonbadger have some faith and you will encounter a few good ones in life

@neptune3569

5 жыл бұрын

No 1. Reason: playing fortnite battle royale

@flatperson1306

5 жыл бұрын

@Daij I found one

@McDiculous50

5 жыл бұрын

@a wild baka good one. She just gave another reason why to want to hit a woman

I can't put it into words how happy I am that somebody finally said it. I've had ex's literally throw my own mother's death back into my face during an argument. If I ever even came close to saying something like that to a female people would burn my house down. If we truly want to be equals we need to address both sides of the curtain.

@ihsahnakerfeldt9280

3 жыл бұрын

God that's so fucked up. Imagine throwing the death of a close one into someone's face just because you're angry with them. The problem with the feminist cult is that it wants to have it both ways: equality for the good stuff (rights and privileges) but inequality for the bad stuff and the responsibility (e.g. being fair game for a beat up). They always oscillate between these two positions according to the situation so that they always end up with the advantage.

@ALJ9000

2 жыл бұрын

You gotta get those bitche$ out, they are way too toxic to be involved with

@TheTraditionalGolfer

2 жыл бұрын

I have this everytime i argue with my partner she can be very toxic......

@crystaleunoia3974

2 жыл бұрын

@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 It's not right for a woman to beat a man just like it's not right for a man to beat a woman. I see the double standard when it comes to women being violent towards men and it's disgusting, but just because women want equality shouldn't mean they are "fair game to for a beat up" because nobody should be beating anyone at all. Period. Nobody should be considered "fair game" because there shouldn't be a game in the first place. If you think that it's justifiable that people should be beaten for reasons other than protection, then you're siding with the women who get away with being violent towards men. I agree with your other statements, but I just wanted to put in my two cents on that one.

@marcant6223

2 жыл бұрын

Bill has done a thing about equality like that too. Worth watching.

This is definitely one of my favorites from him. He brings up a lot of good points about one sided stories, and never asking questions when they need to be asked…. . Smart, smart man.

He brings in a good point, asking questions and understanding what led to it in the first place is the first step towards ending it

"Are you the idiot that walked in halfway through the special?" 😂 Imagine paying to watch a special and getting called out for your BS in front of the crowd.

@denimchicken104

2 жыл бұрын

Pretty sure tapings are free

@wokeil

2 жыл бұрын

@@denimchicken104 Nah everyone would come and ruin the show

@redrich7679

2 жыл бұрын

The dude roasted a random person lol I would of left

@vanimaladventures

2 жыл бұрын

@@denimchicken104 Narrator: "They aren't."

@padraigdonelan

2 жыл бұрын

@@redrich7679 its a comedy set. gotta have atleast a little thick skin to not get offended every 12 seconds

“She’s not even in a relationship with me, and she’s nagging me!” 👍

@polymathtutoring1292

5 жыл бұрын

*"I'm not even in a relationship with her, and she's fucking nagging me!"*

@SonicTheHedgeRat

5 жыл бұрын

@@polymathtutoring1292 Pay attention meat head you saying the same shit he said...😐

@iBloodxHunter

5 жыл бұрын

I feel like that was just a misunderstanding

@noahvburk585

5 жыл бұрын

@@iBloodxHunter reference to 8 Mile lol

@ycnthegod2718

5 жыл бұрын

@@SonicTheHedgeRat I literally just got done watching the ending battles lol

"Just take a knee and run out the clock". Priceless, Grammy worthy advice.

"I'm starting to turn this franchise around" lol. Makes me bust out into laughter everytime!!

When woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, she really does. When a MAN says he doesn't want to talk damnit he doesn't want to talk.

@ChimericWhite

5 жыл бұрын

When a woman says “I don’t want to talk about it” I’ll ask if they’re sure. They still say “no”, well I’m out of there I’m not playing games. They’re only hurting themselves when they inevitably say some bullshit later about how nobody keeps in touch and makes sure they’re alright or anything.

@CIorox_BIeach

4 жыл бұрын

I actually don't want to talk about it. Mom didn't teach me how to talk about stuff.

@itsamemario6539

4 жыл бұрын

@@CIorox_BIeach dude I dont know if you see this or not but my mom is always like messing me up amd when I am going to do something that hurts her because I cant stand her like leave the house (I know that she doesn't want me to leave and one time I keep asking her if she wanted me to stay she was saying like YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT I DONT CARE but I was persistent and she finaly said I dont want you to leave ) another time I just left the house and she told my brother to tell me to come back wtf is wrong with women I love them but they are hurting my feelings so much ) thanks for everyone listening to this I just wanted to tell it !

@prettybabyface7313

4 жыл бұрын

Its a me Mario I’m a woman and i totally feel what you are saying!! We’re sorry ok lol

@lockandloadlikehell

4 жыл бұрын

@@prettybabyface7313 it's not right, and it hurts :(

One important point that is rarely talked about is: Men are quite often victims of domestic violence, too. And women are quite often the abuser. In the 2 1/2 years I worked as a paramedic i saw 6 victims of domestic violence. 2 were women who were abused by men, one of them later died of her horrible injuries. 2 were a lesbian couple who had kicked the shit out of each other. 2 were men who were abused by women. One of these men had been draged straight out of a drug rehab facility by his girlfriend, forcefully filled up with vodka until he couldn't defend himself anymore and then repeatedly whiped with a powercord, burned and hit with a pressing iron and stabed in the leg with a screwdriver. Guess who got made fun of for beeing pathetic weeklings. Guess who has next to no safehouses and help programs to escape from the violence. This is just my personal observation and has no empirical value whatsoever! But I think any program about domestic violence, that concludes "Men shouldn't hit women" isn't addressing the whole problem.

@phuck8627

5 жыл бұрын

are you sure that you didn't also see two who were gay men who beat each other?

@skepticmonkey6923

5 жыл бұрын

@@phuck8627 Gay dudes beat each other every night

@jelindy5

5 жыл бұрын

@@skepticmonkey6923 hahaha classic

@keepitreal1999

5 жыл бұрын

So sad. No Matter what gender. Keep YO Hands to yourselves ladies! No matter how badly you feel betrayed! Keep It pushin or fall victim to what they say about US! 😎 We need to learn how to DEAL! Without D extra DRAMA!!! Life to short People!😉 Be true to YOU! #Dont Hit Unless U Want 2 B Hit BACK!!!

@damebucolique

5 жыл бұрын

Exactly, because gender don't make assholes. You have assholes everywhere in every faces, and it's ridiculous to separate this kind of thing like that.

This is his best set, by far my fav,

I think I’ve watched this 20+ times

“TUNA CASSEROLE!” I don’t why but it’s always that line that got me busting out laughing 💀💀😭😭😂😂😂

@josephleonard6695

3 жыл бұрын

08:00 😂😂😂

@tomsmusic2049

3 жыл бұрын

Hahaha, same. I came to watch just for that bit

@asdasd-rp9hx

2 жыл бұрын

@@stevendip5318 casserole is usually seen as leftovers and usually microwaved. it being tuna makes it even worse. not much to explain if you think about it for 2 seconds

@Oozywolf

2 жыл бұрын

Lmfao to this day might be the funniest 2 seconds of any stand-up comedy. Still the best overall segment of all time.

@ngseverything5130

2 жыл бұрын

I'm Wheezing

“Even hockey has 2 minutes for instigating” 😆

@jasondyrkacz8270

5 жыл бұрын

Bill wasn't lying. That's an actual penalty in hockey.

@nickm8874

5 жыл бұрын

Jason Dyrkacz yes I know. It just amuses me greatly as an analogy

that cauldron stirring at 10.25 killed me 🤣

if it’s not a mutual decision, you shouldn’t throw hands

Guy: hits girl People: omg he hit a girl Girl: hits guy for no reason People: ok...

@SC-pg7jr

4 жыл бұрын

@slight o hand wow so you're telling me girls can't use their nails and some girls can hurt boys

@SC-pg7jr

4 жыл бұрын

@slight o hand not all woman are the same you're comparing some to 1, girls can hurt boys

@T0YCHEST

4 жыл бұрын

future jojo yeah Ronda rousey but u getting in a relationship with a girl as strong as her is so rare that they are all weak

@SC-pg7jr

4 жыл бұрын

@slight o hand a lot of girls are strong you can't say their weak if you haven't got hit by every female on earth. Also you make it seem like some girls don't know how to punch or hit hard

@SC-pg7jr

4 жыл бұрын

@slight o hand well i saw it happen a lot of times where girls would give guys bruises and scratches where you bleed

he's saying what we're thinking

@tjrizvi251

6 жыл бұрын

Clone Squad I WAS THINKIN IT AND THEN YOU SAID IT

@captaf1

6 жыл бұрын

Tj Rizvi we’re all connected

@213213yoyo

6 жыл бұрын

+Art we are one. We are one. We are one.

@codycall6513

5 жыл бұрын

djjazzyjeff123 now that’s hitting the head on the nail. Makes me want to be a comedian. What better way to vent. Lol

@yaboirequis

5 жыл бұрын

Clone Squad bill burr us secretly a geniuses

One of the absolute best...EVER!

This is amazingly relevant now that the Depp vs. Heard case is ongoing.

The real comedy is the fact that we laugh more when something real and true is being said. This was as down to Earth true as possible and it was hillarious.

@achilles5199

5 жыл бұрын

ardvark84 "tuna casserole! And start swinging"

@TonyRule

5 жыл бұрын

And that sums up the genius of Bill Burr.

Bill Burr Sur, on behalf of all Men the world over, we salute you

@josephfernandez5706

4 жыл бұрын

Salute

@rickyalfaro4417

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your service, Bill

@anypercentdeathless

4 жыл бұрын

Salut.

@somerandomarmydude

4 жыл бұрын

*Sir.

@xcool7169

4 жыл бұрын

Salute

Perfect cut from that set.

That heckler "answer him right" had me in stitches. @6:00

Rub one out. It's the champagne of victory! Brahh.. 😂😂😂😂😂

@oz_jones

5 жыл бұрын

Martian post nut clarity

@aysn2277

5 жыл бұрын

literally shaking the bottle

@Jacob-if4et

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

the woman yelling ANSWER HIM was the best way i seen somebody turn awkward crowd input into what i assume was a standing ovation

@BenAri18

2 жыл бұрын

i was so confused at that part whyd he roast her like that

@roelfkromhout

2 жыл бұрын

@@BenAri18 Yeah, now that I'm watching it again I think she actually said that in support of Burr.

@BenAri18

2 жыл бұрын

@@roelfkromhout yeh same i was like bruh im pretty sure she was w ur bill

@georgewashington5746

2 жыл бұрын

@@BenAri18 because he was bombing and went after her

@fireboltinc5712

2 жыл бұрын

I honestly think she was a plant from Bill. The timing was fucking priceless.

Bill is so right about the way women argue.

1:33 this shout "every day!" always cracks me up

“itsGONNAfucKINGRUST”

@drm2566

5 жыл бұрын

Bee Godly agree funniest line. Dean AUstralia

@awfulbill9283

5 жыл бұрын

bill is just such a gem

@kristophergap17

5 жыл бұрын

"Tuna casserole and just start swingin" is my favourite line lol.

I want to say, as a woman, I say yes that a woman can be hit ONLY if she attacks you first, same goes for a man. IF someone dares attack you first, you have every right to hit them back regardless of gender.

@murilocruz7752

5 жыл бұрын

That could be true, but if a man hits back, he has to make sure he hits back with equal or less force. Problem is men are much stronger so it could get ugly real quick. Even a if he just pushed her she could get shaken real bad.

@michaelrivera2212

5 жыл бұрын

Agreed but Bills point still stands

@jackonotobacco5288

5 жыл бұрын

Murilo Cruz if she doesn’t want to get wrecked, don’t punch first. Simple as that, if it’s that bad, just break up or divorce. Just my opinion.

@murilocruz7752

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah I agree. Inflicting physical violence is just asking for it. 99% of the time though men will be penalized.

@XxSteamStreamxX

5 жыл бұрын

you cant really limit that, If a skinny guy picks a fight with some bodybuilder, he knows what he's getting into and knows the odds aren't in his favor, so do most woman when engaging a man.

"Answer him right" woman got owned. 😂😂😂

The way he uses the mic stand to stir the cauldron is straight-up *chef's kiss*

"Even hockey has 2 minutes for instigating" LMAO

@jasondyrkacz8270

4 жыл бұрын

It's true though. Hockey does have a penalty for instigating.

@oz_jones

2 жыл бұрын

There is an oooold hockey game for MS-DOS (probably other ports as well) called Faceoff that has a 30 sec penalty for "losing the fight". Still cracks me up.

@stephenmiller2337

2 жыл бұрын

@@oz_jones haha, I used to play that on my old Nintendo. Couple of times it would end up in a real fight between my stepbrother and I.

@chrisrhorer8524

2 жыл бұрын

I think the game was Mario lemieux hockey or blades of steel where whoever lost a fight was penalized 2 min and the winning team had a power play lol. I thought that was great. Great incentive to win a fight other than the obvious.

bill burr - "why can you only ask questions about what the guy did and not the woman, why is that?" the woman responded by saying "It's her Right", as in her right to not be asked questions. LMFAO so stupid.

@kaydenbreak8988

5 жыл бұрын

Gender "equality"

@jevans4538

5 жыл бұрын

The chattering cuntfussing of ideologically possessed demons.

@keepitreal1999

5 жыл бұрын

Don't matter what is said! Folks will always find something to complain about! The shit is TRUE ! And so funny!!!!

@christianw6819

5 жыл бұрын

She probably also thinks it's her right to murder babies.

@jumhed994

4 жыл бұрын

'Answer him right'. Means talk to him properly.

Can opener gonna fu*king rust 😂😂😂

Take a knee and run out the clock! Brilliant line, and I'm going to be dropping hints of this so many times for work crap, the general toxic person out there, teaching my kids how to deal with their problems gracefully, etc.