“Love is patient. Patience is love.” SO good! TY, Dr. Carter!

@sharonatseanicstudios9970

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed!

Because my Dad is narc, impatience was how my repressed anger manifested as a young adult... I had a child with autism when i was 21,and boy did that teach me patience and compassion ... Hes now 20 an lovely lad, Im very proud of how he's become a happy go lucky polite young man... Now my only time I'm impatient is when I'm driving lol. But I'm aware of it and laugh at myself if someone makes me get worked up. Thanks for your videos Dr C,as a survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse, you have helped me tremendously with your other channel. Much love from the UK.

Thank you so much for caring for the mental well being of other people. My life is better for it. 🙏

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Hey Chris, doing these videos is good therapy for me, and I'm hopeful for many others. Plus it keeps me out of my wife's hair! Dr. C

After multiple videos of narcissism, this is a welcome addition in learning to cope, deal, and handle stressful situations and difficult people. If nothing else, the power of patience is the power of self-control, of keeping cool, or seeing the bigger picture, and most importantly, of helping yourself in in being flexible and adaptable to uncertain and oftentimes painful situations. Thanks once again for "dad voice" counselor :)

PATIENCE IS LOVE!!LOVE IS PATIENT!! Patience keeps me from from getting a headache when people aren't patient.

Patience is Love. I like it. Thank you dr Carter.

Whenever I am a patient in my life, I help myself to overcome problems l face to, as well as, to win difficult people. Whener I am not a patient, I help others to win me. Patience is salvation.

@salettamyers8845

3 жыл бұрын

I love this! Thank you!

The secret to patience is set your ego aside and give yourself to the task.. vs the usual ego indulgence and wanting the world to revolve around you. Also if you run into a hiccup, slow down, stop, take the time to sort it, and to learn.. then keep repeating that w/o respect of time so that you take the time to be a rookie at things as needed.

@joseenoel8093

3 жыл бұрын

As older persons we need to give a chance/set a good example for the younger ones whom it's their chance to speak, be listened to!

I can't control others but I can control me (most of the time! 😏). And that patience I exhibit can help others know what that's about. ❤

Contingency plans…sounds like what my Father taught me as a kid “hope for the best plan for the worst”.

@oaktownie5135

3 жыл бұрын

Dale Carnegie first coined this expression, I believe...very helpful.

@skywalktriceiam

3 жыл бұрын

@@oaktownie5135 🤔"coined" succinct. thanks💜

@karenmossbryan7932

3 жыл бұрын

I find "hoping for the best" is focusing on fantasy of the ideal and "plan for the worst" is focusing on the fantasy of catastrophe. Both of these extremes reflect the cycle of the narcissist! Time is needed after reactive emotion. To express it, to name it, to connect it, to use it. Pausing, taking time is not tolerated in our culture. So it takes practice risking going against. Which is autonomy.

I need much work in this area especially when ppl try to coerce me into something.

Love this one. I am sharing it with myself and will refer to it. Challenging how to be patient with "crisis" oriented people. I feel empathy for their situation but many times, the train wreck is coming and they are sitting on the tracks. I say to my self, the consequences are in their DNA and there's nothing I can do. Not sure. I needed this one. Thanks so much.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Hey Les...pleased this one resonated. Dr. C (the other Les)

Thank you for the practical tips! 1. Be adaptable and flexible within your goals and desires 2. Know when to assert yourself and when to let things roll off your back 3. Accept people for what they are (flaws, limitations etc.) ~no one is perfect~ 4. Be persistent and diligent as your pursue your goals (work around difficult tasks or characters) 5. Know what you are responsible for and what is not your responsibility 6. Know what you can and cannot fix (Don't fixate on solving things esp when they can't be) 7. Have back-up plans and have realistic expectations before facing a stressor 8. Know that life is unpredictable- Have empathy (for yourself and others)

To be patient is already having a key to inner peace. Patience gives an opportunity to listen and observe and learn about others. It's an advantage that supports empathy and helps it grow. Narcissists can take advantage of one's patience and even use it as their "supply," so one must careful of that.

Sir I admire the art you have on your walls!

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks. My wife, Jennifer, is highly artistic and she is my inspiration. We have it throughout the house. Dr. C

@pepperbird1212

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Thanks for your reply. Did Mrs Carter paint them, or choose them? I listen carefully to you but also can't resist absorbing the beauty of the art while learning from your presentations. L Revere

I’ve found to not expect too much from people or situations helps to increase my patience.

"Stress is caused by being here but wanting to be there." -- Eckhart Tolle

I want to be patient. I need to work on that.

Patience (for me) was (is) always difficult when dealing with the narcissist(s) in my life because when chaos is stirred up (by the narcissist’s rush to dismiss, demean, disqualify, or deny,) i tend to feel/desire an even greater sense for the need of peace to be present. I use to think for peace to be present, resolve had to take place. I’m learning resolve is simply a rare jewel when dealing with a narcissist. Coming to terms with this realization has helped me to develop patience with the narcissist (which actually ends up looking more the color of a gray rock than the color of a rare jewel.)

@gloriacoleman7012

3 жыл бұрын

Well said and honest.

#8 is really important. I worked with a guy who was trouble with a capital T and I did not like his impulsive, bullying nature. Even so, he had a saying that added an enduring piece of wisdom to my life: He would often say, "Twenty years from now, what difference will it make?" When a situation arises and I feel like jumping in with both feet, I ask myself that question. It always adds the right perspective.

@oxigenarian9763

3 жыл бұрын

@@Oceans780 When I'm insulted or offended and I want to fight back, I opt for patience by remembering that two wrongs don't make a right. So I ask myself if this is really that important to me or, put another way, in 20 years, what difference will this make to ME. :)

God bless you, dear Dr Carter. This is a lovely talk, every bit of it. Enriching and inspiring.

Patience shows your wisdom and inner peace.

My highly narc father was extremely impatient. He stressed us all out. Esp on trips by car….

@joywebster2678

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah the timing thing on the drive to the east coast....beat last year's time. You kids took too long to pee let's go!

I can't wait! (I couldn't resist.)

@rorywright5692

3 жыл бұрын

LOL!! Sage!!😂😂

@lisageneshope5717

3 жыл бұрын

That's funny!

Good morning Gus and the Carter Family. Have a great weekend. There is no other way to live but be patient, time is what we have that is free until we don't. Thank you Doc. 🤗🐶🐶

Even when things aren't going my way ,that's how I'm going to engage with others, the priority to be known for Dr. C''s grounding goodness & love- Free to be patient 💕🤍💙💕🤍💙💕

Yep!

I have all the patience in the world for children. I have worked with disabled/special children for years. When I know an adult is extremely intelligent & they fail to "listen" intentionally, that is where I need to do a better job. I guess being with a narc they expect everyone to listen, but they epically refuse to be considerate.

Since I’ve learned to pause when agitated,,, breathe and step back. I’ve avoided a lot of calamity and stress !!!

When it is something I really deeply desire, it is tough. So, I just throw myself back into work. Most of the time patience for me is not a problem. Thanks Doc

Excellent! Thank you.

Fruits of the Spirit are so sweet. I need to practice this a bit more 🥴

Patience is love. I need to be more patient when things are not going my way. It's hard, but I will work on it!

Yes yes patience is a virtue, now what's a virtue? Much love from French Canada 🇨🇦!

@majoroldladyakamom6948

3 жыл бұрын

🙋‍♀️ to our Neighbors to the North, from your eternal sister in Christ somewhere near Seattle. ⚘🙏❤🙏⚘

@joywebster2678

3 жыл бұрын

Well that is the flag of All of 🇨🇦 Canada. Your own French flag isn't representative of the country of many languages.

"Patience is Love" *Smiles

Excellent balanced instruction. “You can still be decisive”.Thank you, Dr. C.

I want to watch this now, how ironic! 😂 God bless you sir!

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Be patient! Dr. C

Achieving patience is something I have been working on recently.

Dr. C--- Thank you so much! I never realized just how rare patience is. Patience is my strongest quality. My wife knows how to trigger my anger---- which I see as passion, but when I try to express myself she will not give any validating feedback until she sees this anger showing through. At that point she focuses on my frustration. I'm working on it. "Impatience is the hand that removes the mask to reveal the shadow side of Man." cc 👀🐡🌿🌾

Very very very patient for 27 long long long years... 👍

Patience means staying in the present moment.

Dr. Carter I would love to know more about how you keep your faith and patience strong... I am sure you are a man with a great deal of faith.

All very good points Dr. Carter. I believe patience can be acquired by persistent failure or disappointment. It is a learned virtue fine tuned by personal pressure. “Patience is a virtue.” I don’t exactly know who said this, but I know it to be true.

Impatience only multiplies our problems. Wise words, Dr. C, thank you and blessings from California. 🕊

Thank you for your videos

Dr. Carter. Please develop a program for the school systems, this should be viewed and studied in elementary school as these skills, patience, love, decisiveness etc., are the elemental building blocks of forming balanced dynamic human beings.

I find as an empath, mostly alone in my world of heightened awareness, I am actually too patient. I have tolerated forever, 70 years, what I feel is unacceptable from my mother, sister, brother, husband, daughter and her husband, that I have “given up.” They will never have, or understand, my standards. So, I bite the bullet, I acquiesce. If I were to leave and seek my ideal lifestyle, I would upset many. So, instead, I accept that I made my bed, I will lie in it. 🙏🏼❤️🕊

A most excellent way of communicating with fellow humans. So much knowledge and common sense. Thank you for what you are doing. You are making a difference. Much appreciated

I just heard a quote I like: when you have lost or not known love you can learn a lot about how NOT to love. Rewrite your story. I know a lot about love and devotion. I will be practicing focusing on patience, loving-kindness, and feeling blessed ---things my ex seems never to have recognized.

I use to think the gift of patience opened one up to be taken advantage of Thanks for reminding me otherwise.

Really like the new opening sequence :) Re patience, I have learned the hard way that the worst possible time to act is when you feel the most like doing something. Often, you have been invited to react by someone who has a covert interest in experiencing your intense emotion; they do this because it's the only way they get any relief. Don't be the lightning rod for someone else's misery.

Patience is a virtue usually I have even with no anger I asset myself to solve issue diffuse it and bring to order

The book Margins helped me see how having those contingency plans really is part of giving room for patience.

@DrLesCarter

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I read that one quite a few years ago.

Many priceless pearls of wisdom in this video. Exercising the virtue of patience, is one of the all time great achievements in living life to the full!!

It's so hard to stay patient when someone knows your buttons better than you do because you're their lab rat.

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

Yep, but "Patience POWER" is well worth the agony it is to build. The one that knows your buttons is your patience-building-tool. Bet they don't even know you're "using" them. Moo-ha-ha. The more they war the more you win? Maybe?

@Mehmet-rw9bu

3 жыл бұрын

@@painteroflove Thank you for this encouragement, it is definitely an appealing and useful idea ;-)

@lifewithapurpose237

3 жыл бұрын

found this intriguing (knows your buttons better than you...) believe this will lead to the feelings of guilt. If you are lashing out or reacting to the pushing of your buttons, you might deep down believe your are the stuff/things you are being called or accused of. That is okay though, as long as you genuinely recognize that part of you and are willing to fix them/it. Staying stuck, without self reflection🪞 prohibits🚫 HEALING 🩹 and CHANGE 🔺️. He who is unwilling to change goes against NATURE, and will not flourish. This goes to both the 'abuser' & the 'abusee' or the 'narc' & the 'victim'

@ Dr. C and community… I think 🤔 patience is so very important. It can keep you from going down a rabbit hole 🕳 in life that becomes a trap. It helps your mind, body and spirit to be patient. Thank you 🤔❤️🌎🇺🇸❤️‍🩹

Levels of freedom: Level 1: Free to react. Level 2: Free to act. Level 3: Free to be.

Thank you Dr c for another good video as usual and for being on my journey with me you are greatly appreciated patience is a virtue I've heard that all my life also here's a point there is always more than one solution to every problem if one is patient enough they might see a solution to the problem that no one else sees I am adaptable so that makes me a more patient person than people realize patience is not only a power it is a strength.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Faith. Dr. C

Patience isn't passive, like Dr. C. says it's knowing the right level of assertiveness.

Very good topic. I am learning patience and doing well with it. I try to stay present, live in the moment, and not label things. Makes for a happy life : D Also, not to expect much from anything. It is adaptation.

An Attitude of Gratitude gives you way more Latitude. Including patience and peace. 💋 especially when you heal after a Narc and love YOU ❤️

How about not forcing your will on another because of your impatience??

Dear Dr. C. In your Power of Patience video, I got all the añswers right! I aced that video finally. Not saying I'm perfect now, but more cool than a few days ago, I know, I can't believe it either! One of the # of the combination to patients is the ability to reason out the pro's and con's of each situation you're dealing with and the wisdom to choose the best scenario for all involved!

@DrLesCarter

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased, Phyllis! Dr. C

Good Evening, Dr. Carter! - - From Olympia, Washington State USA @ ~ 17:00 Hours PDT.

Successful approximation; story of my life.

Yes indeed need to work on patience, Lord help me, but also diplomacy is another, Lord help me with that too.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Patience and diplomacy tend to go hand in hand. Dr. C

@gloriacoleman7012

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Thank you DR Carter it has been a stuggle as so many times people do not want to hear,that happens when you are reguarded as a no body.

@gloriacoleman7012

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter No body in mans eyes but a chld of God in my fathers eyes through his dear son JESUS,If I did not know that Iwould not even be here.

Thank you for the education.

I wish I had a friend like mr Carter and his dog . Nice man .

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

I'd be honored, and so would Gus. Dr. C

@eworld007

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Greetings from Holland .

BRAVO 🙌🏻🙂

When I'm in a line and I feel stress coming on. I pull out my phone and play solitaire until it's my time.

@leonap4814

3 жыл бұрын

Constance... Im so happy i read your comment. I never thought to play solitaire in a line! Thank you so much!!. I will try solitaire for sure!

Thank you.

An excellent information delivered by the patient and inspirational, Dr Carter. Thank you!

However, don't be patient with a narc. Nothing will come from it! :-)

@karolinagren5846

3 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 True, it's no use. They will future fake, dangle carrots, gaslight you till you think that maybe there's something wrong with you. Meanwhile you're losing time on a person who just doesn't care.

@notgivingthisout6977

3 жыл бұрын

I agree not all merit our patience. For those kinds of people, it can amount to enabling. My patience (among other things) was abused by one. In fact, I've noticed that any positive trait seems to increase their desire and tactics to destroy, defile, or demean it. (It sort of feels like they want everyone to be as miserable as they don't admit they are.) Makes me all the more determined not to become merely a reaction to their lousy behaviors. Sadly, they feed off any disruption of our character, and impatience becomes supply for them. So, given the choice, I'm opting for giving them nothing, neither patience nor impatience.

I don't have much patience left dealing with 25 years of twisted BS.

@oxigenarian9763

3 жыл бұрын

Like 'wearing your welcome out', patience can get worn out, too.

@KoVurt

3 жыл бұрын

@@oxigenarian9763 no, It's not like that at all is it.

@oxigenarian9763

3 жыл бұрын

@@KoVurt If someone takes advantage of you willfully and repeatedly, you will lose patience. You SHOULD lose patience; there is something completely different going on that patience will never address...

@Kim-kw7fo

3 жыл бұрын

@@oxigenarian9763 i was insulted to my face many times and didnt do anything. It took a week to process and think 'what the f**k?" A week!!! I would have weird things said to me that held no relevance. I look back now and shudder. I have been asking my trusted friends if I am going insane.

Thank you Dr C : )

Congratulations. After having watched a large number of videos, I have suddenly switched from drifting and filtering to actually taking notes. Atypical.

Great video Dr. C. Have a good day

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Lori...and so far my day is going well! Dr. C

Thanks for this. Assertiveness is something I need to learn a lot more about and how to apply. Staying cool in the face of anger or a feeling of powerlessness is a superpower. I have good baseline patience but I've been easy to trigger into anger in the past by insults, etc. due to my scars from narcissistic and other abuse.

I practice patience. I have to work on not complaining when certain people and situations get on my last nerve because yes, without patience then I certainly don't want or need the chaos of impatience!!

Thank you, Doc. Simple and direct. Anyone can bypass ten million other self-help videos on YT by just listening to this one. I also recommend Charles Stanley's series, Waiting on the Lord, for further exposition of patience.

Thank you Dr. Carter. I am 69 years old and STILL working on this. I wonder if I can achieve it haha.

Thanks Dr C. - still working on the too much patience part, now i am aware i have work to do, Merci encore!

This will be a great one!!

Thank you for your time too make these videos and your knowledge. Scapegoat.

Finding out my ex has a double life and is now dying from 4 cancers from an std popped my cork big. I was compassionate and helpful at first. Then his going silent and listening to Dr. C, the picture got clear. I am blessed I did not get it (HPV) and it is now obvious he had a double life. Cutting him off as a clearly covert narc this week was very traumatizing. I am still recovering. He owes me tons of money. I am alone and struggling. Forgive me but a pr*ck get a disease there seems like some kind of karma. Hard to learn how I was played and finding you I feel blessed.

What mic do you use?! That's crystal clear.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

iPhone X. It's time to upgrade. Dr. C

@ThatCologneGuy

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Perhaps so, but still crystal clear. Wow! Thank you for making your videos.

A really good reminder, Dr. C! I especially like considering loss of patience as a loss of agency. I'm not sure what being impatient accomplishes, or what it's meant to accomplish, and if they have any correlation. And, given how and who I've seen employ this most often, I don't especially want to count myself among their numbers.

Maybe it would be helpful to keep a sort of "anger-and-patience-journal", in which you observe yourself with regard to these states of mind (without being judgemental): When and how do they arise? What triggers your anger? What is conducive for your patience? What thoughts and emotions arise in connection with patience or anger? What kind of behavior results from them? - And to counteract the power of anger and enhance the strength of patience one could also contemplate such things as the good qualities one can find in other people.

Patience has many unforseen pay offs - curiosity is a great friend of patience, and i'm a very curious sort, indeed (NOT nosey, tho, thank God 😂 I've a pair of narcs - one plays the role of covert and the other, very overt/threatening. They began making renewed contact and i smelled a rat right away, and knew patience would pay off from the get go (I'm in my 60's, and so, i know about these things!) The narrative kept morphing just as i asked key normal questions anyone might ask and as i expressed very politely my disinterest in what they were trying to sell me (which was all b.s. of course). And so, then came the worst sort of accusations that ANYONE could imagine, followed by death threats. Yes. You cant make up the things narcs will do and say. Not incidentally, these are highly educated people - all mafia, tho. ....Prayer and reading the scriptures helps me a LOT, and, your work, too, helps me a LOT, Dr. Les Carter! I tell lots of people about your channels💖

Very inspiring..thanks

Patience is a huge issue for me. Sometimes I just have to not be around people for a while. Actually, my password is “Patience” it used to be Serialkiller. Progress😂

Thank you sir

This drove me more crazy than just about anything else with my husband. He had zero patience with everything! If he asked me to do anything if I didn't jump up immediately and go do it, he would rage. I really an so surprised at myself now, that I had the patience to deal with him for 20 years

Thanks.

@DrLesCarter

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Dr. C

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this.

I have a lot of patience. Though when i have to get in a line im a nervous reck. I stand back, when no one is in line i hurry to get to the cashier. All the sudden i hear shuffling feet and sighs. I kinda look and im like, REALLY... A LONG LINE THAT FAST!. So im trying to hurry getting upset that i am. Or if i am stuck in a line i will sometimes say to someone, oh you can go ahead of me. Then that turns into more then one someone. One time i hear a yell at the cashier ,yelling hey is their a way to pay for this sooner. Then im saying... Im Sorry! I want to get a t-shirt saying on the back, " Patient is kindness!"

Thanks

نريد ترجمة للغة العربية

¹⁰sept: my patience might get confused with being 'dense', i do know my blood pressure runs low. Asking myself if this is the reason i have stayed this long in a toxic relationship. Not necessarily waiting for it to get better or 🔺️. Just saw it as this is my family, why should i 'bail out'. Did try to make my toxic partner happy, feel accepted, understood, respected and of course loved. Backfired

I'm good at being patient with others, but not good at being patient with myself