“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”-Malcolm S. Forbes

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Good reminder. Dr. C

@thepoliticsofhumanity3419

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@francesbernard2445

3 жыл бұрын

Yea. I always trust a man who treats poor people just as well [like not often swearing at his employees] as he treats rich people no matter how strong his smell is after a very long day at work a lot sooner than an ivy league graduate who is always appropriate showered and well dressed for a selfie while he is displaying a pattern of showing snobbery to people from a certain kind of background while often showing favoritism to everyone else.

@sharonmonathcohen3642

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, thanks

@tobascoheat6582

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!! Needs no explanation!!!

With older generation you may be the only person they see all day so smile and say hello 🌸

@joywebster2678

3 жыл бұрын

And I commented above, stop the eye rolls at us getting older types because we don't have the tech, we have life experiences the youngsters can't even imagine.

@djhrecordhound4391

3 жыл бұрын

That can happen with people of ANY generation. You may be the only friendly face of either a child's, or full-grown person's, day or week.

@CamperEra

3 жыл бұрын

🙂 Hello Y’all

@rachelheyth3645

3 жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 We are the elite generation. We know what postage stamps are for and how to use them. We can get from point A to pointB without help frome google maps. We actually know how to boil an egg. I could go but you get the idea. If electricity wasnt available to the X W Z s they would be stuffed.:-)

A mean comment or action from a stranger can be like an infected splinter that causes recurring pain indefinitely. An unexpected kindness from a stranger can be a happy memory for life.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Good way to put it. Dr. C

@dbirdeycapozzi9807

3 жыл бұрын

...and then, beyond all duality ...

@laurarandolph5600

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Hey, I love your channel! It puts Dallas, Texas on the map for me!

One of the "tests" I have for a potential partner is to watch how they treat restaurant servers/staff. If they treat them as "less than" I don't pursue another date.

@bobtaylor170

3 жыл бұрын

Smart, very smart.

@christinebuckingham8369

3 жыл бұрын

@Millicient Aspinet Same experience with an ex - they all seem to read the same life-script.

@AlwaysStampinVideos

3 жыл бұрын

See, this is one of Dr.C’s videos I’m conflicted on. My in laws are SO nice to servers because they actually DO see them as “less than.” They feel sorry for servers because they see servers as being in a class that has to “work in a restaurant.” So while we are at the restaurant, they sweet talk the server and they tip really big. But then after dinner when we have returned home, they talk about everything the server did which they didn’t like about the server or they say things like “people like that” when referring to the server later. So when i dated their son, i only saw the parents who were super nice to servers, which was something that attracted me to their son to begin with. Then after marrying their son, i learned the truth. Sadly, i learned the truth about him far too late as well.

@kimsmith819

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a great test to me

@merillwalter8698

3 жыл бұрын

And also how they treat women. My ex as he got older, began to call any driver that frustrated him (whether he could see if they were male or female), "Stupid Woman." Never did this if he was sure they were male.

Interesting. The narcissist I know was nicer to shadow people than their own family. But it was all shallow.

@DS40764

3 жыл бұрын

They all are like that

@pliska2038

3 жыл бұрын

Yes this has been my experience. I will witness my spouse hug someone at church and think " Wow, I haven't had a hug from you in years and could really really really use one!

@collie8

3 жыл бұрын

That might be a play for you. Be flattered. Once not in a mood, they treat shadow people like crap

@sumofo9742

3 жыл бұрын

@@collie8 agreed. Either they think they’ll gain from it, eg ingratiate themselves to you or others, or do it even to make you feel badly, eg why do they treat me so badly behind closed doors

@rockstarofredondo

3 жыл бұрын

That’s how my narco-relatives are. Nicer to strangers than family. Probably because the person that doesn’t know them doesn’t know their bs yet!

I learned the " Golden Rule" in 4th grade and have never forgotten it. We just need to be kinder to one another. Spread love and kindness instead of selfishness and hate.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

I'm totally on board with that. Dr. C

@bernadettekelly2772

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you my friend 💕💕

@surfrescue3232

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah that’s was Ellen DeGeneres’ catch phrase and look how that turned out

"A man’s character is most evident by how he treats those who are not in a position either to retaliate or reciprocate." Paul Eldridge

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this important reminder. Dr. C

@Nancy-yw1rr

3 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 Amen!

@linneajohnson5362

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. ♥️🌛

@zsuzsa5873

3 жыл бұрын

A gem!

@SusanaXpeace2u

3 жыл бұрын

I know a couple of people who see me as a shadow person and they treat me like a ghost while love bombing all others around me. We may all turn towards "the Sun" without meaning to, but when it is so obvious, so conscious, *so* deliberate .... it"s mind blowing. Not on a good way.

That was the hardest part when I was with the narcissist- you never know who is being put in your path that needs a smile or a hug or a kind word- I can testify that those were things that were given to me when I needed them the most- strangers always treated me better & offered the best conversations🤗

@dbirdeycapozzi9807

3 жыл бұрын

...gives one understanding...

@salettamyers8845

3 жыл бұрын

@@dbirdeycapozzi9807 💙 We wear our hearts on our sleeves & it shows🤗

@kimsmith819

3 жыл бұрын

Strangers always seem to give the best advice and I'm sure we give strangers the best advice also

@kimsmith819

3 жыл бұрын

@@salettamyers8845 AMEN 🙏

@linneajohnson5362

3 жыл бұрын

In my situation the trauma I experience caused me serious trust issues. I am a kind person inherently, but it has taken awhile to even speak to people. Suspiciousness became a way to keep myself safe. In my current environment, after a month I am more at ease but cautious. There are those folks who are polite and wonderful. I do try to at least acknowledge all I pass. That's tough sometimes as my moods still can fluctuate. Much more stable tho.

I’m from Ca and am in love with this guys southern accent and decency and depth and kindness and warmth. So freaking loveable.

@brettweary8491

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely Jedi Doctor Carter s a very warm and Friendly Man who Cares

@susanmcdonald9088

3 жыл бұрын

He's not southern, he's Texan. :)

@carolinacooper7068

3 жыл бұрын

@@susanmcdonald9088 Last time I checked, Texas was not in the north

@CocopopsMcG

3 жыл бұрын

Me too, I have watched so many of his videos. So helpful to me and like you say, he is totally loveable!!

@jedichild6815

3 жыл бұрын

@@susanmcdonald9088 Cool, that’s bad-*ss. I did not know that

Great reminder today. Just be kind to everyone. Let God sort out the rest.

it tickles me to engage in chitchat with shadow people when i think that that little exchange might brighten their day.

@katherineg9396

2 жыл бұрын

That happened to me, a lady on the supermarket line smiled at me and chatted with so much friendliness on a day when I was so sad about my pending divorce, I will never forget her.

Absolutely True Doctor Carter we should treat all People like we would like to be treated ourselves

@marykoch1611

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!!

@leahartlee29

3 жыл бұрын

That is what I was taught.

@vals74

3 жыл бұрын

True

@sharonrenedavenport8995

3 жыл бұрын

And We Should Not Allow Others To Do Unto Us That Which We Would Not Do Unto Them !

@sharonrenedavenport8995

3 жыл бұрын

@@leahartlee29 GOLDEN Rule. SILVER Rule: Do Not Let Others Do Unto You That Which You Would Not Due Unto Them !

I am a shadow person to my family. They won't give me the time of day. I don't do drugs or drink or anything much exciting and for the love of God, why? I'm kind and loving. I'm a RN. Hospitals trust me to care for patients but my family doesn't trust me to not be crazy. My mom was all those things. Her brother, my uncle, don't get along. I have nothing to do with that. I deserve love and the damage to my heart and self worth suffers. They wouldn't be this cruel to a stranger.

@s.v.662

3 жыл бұрын

@Millicient Aspinet sorry to hear. They're so nice to everyone else.

@creilly3728

3 жыл бұрын

My heart goes out to you. However, I am happy to see that you are aware of your own self worth. I hope you can heal the damage done to you by allowing yourself to feel all the good you’re doing as an RN when you so unselfishly tend to them. Yes, you do deserve love and I hope you’ll be able to recognize and feel it when it happens. Best wishes to you.

Years ago my soon to be ex asked the waiter for a glass of Mer-LOT. When the waiter attempted to politely clarify and asked if he meant Mer-LOW,he went ballistic asked for the manager. The manager apologized, explained that the waiter was new and thought there really was a Mer-LOT that the waiter wasn’t familiar with. That still didn’t satisfy him. On the sly, I’ve paid so many additional tips over the years to waiters/waitresses for his bad behavior/tantrums.

@zsuzsa5873

3 жыл бұрын

What a twit. Glad you said " soon to be ex"

@dyoung2739

3 жыл бұрын

@@zsuzsa5873 He’s a typical narc,always blaming someone else for his incompetence

@ViralVibes_01

3 жыл бұрын

Why would the waiter be so arrogant to try and clarify its just one letter. He even was wrong himself. U say: mér-lo.

@RobSlopezJr

6 ай бұрын

I found it would have probably been better if the waiter, instead of directly correcting him, just said, "okay, you want a Merlot, correct?" Or maybe that's just from being with a narcissistic woman for so long. Me, personally, I appreciate people correcting me, like when I have egg on your face. I don't care for it when someone noticed but didn't correct me and let me go around with egg on face. Lol

@dyoung2739

6 ай бұрын

@@RobSlopezJr 😂I don’t mind being corrected either but a narcissist looks for reasons to be offended.

I see and experience this daily as someone is only friendly and courteous when it only benefits them.

@susanmcguire4664

3 жыл бұрын

It is very sad. I wonder if the people acting that way were ever taught how to be kind by their parents.

Momma always told me to follow the golden rule...do unto others as you'd have them to unto you. That has never left my mind. There is no one "beneath me" and treating someone unkindly because of their position in life isn't even an option...actually not even a thought in my head. There's always someone "above us." In more ways than one ;)

@dawnbailey1132

3 жыл бұрын

Amen!

I've always have suffered from social anxiety ever since I can remember. I don't look at people in the eyes or talk to people. Unless they talk to me, then I'll look them in the eyes and be as polite as I can, but they have to take the initiative. I really wish I was a people person, but I'm just not... I've helped plenty of shorter and old people get things off the top shelves at stores. I've helped plenty of people with vehicle troubles. I hold the door open for people all the time. Something I've done plenty of times, that's pretty embarrassing is say, "thank you" after I do other people favors. I've always been polite when spoken to, but the other person has to talk to me first. I've had a lot of people mistake me for being rude before, because I seem stand offish (not making eye contact or not being the first one to speak) but, I'm really not rude. It's just a misunderstanding.

@lynnfincham6839

3 жыл бұрын

Why not just smile, a smile and happy eyes says ... hello 💕

@Donita1213

3 жыл бұрын

I totally understand what you mean. I have gone through and sometimes still go through the same thing. On top of that I have a stuttering problem. But in my mid twenties I joined a religious commune. So I lived with all kinds of people from all over the world. And we were all expected to go out in the street and talk to people. And also to sell things door to door. And I had good days and bad days doing that. But it really got me out of my shyness. But now I'm not religious I don't belong to any religion. But I do believe that we are all connected by spirit. Meditating also has helped me a lot. And you kind of have to really step back and realize nobody's perfect. We all have different kinds of problems and insecurities. But also just you being concerned about how you treat people means you're an awesome person. Just believe that and know that.❤️

@patregehr6735

3 жыл бұрын

@@Donita1213 wow that's such a nice comment

@karinberonius8799

3 жыл бұрын

First of all, speaking as a short person, THANK YOU! Your help is greatly appreciated! To not have to risk being hit by an avalanche of tins from the top shelf, or for that matter, risk falling into an open counter at the frozen food section when you're desperately trying to reach "that" tub of ice-cream, is priceless. Secondly, I completely understand why you say "Thank you" to the person that you've helped. I do too. It's like saying: "It's my pleasure" and mean it.

@gordo6908

3 жыл бұрын

@@lynnfincham6839 it really depends on how bad the anxiety is. personally, ive had blurred vision, shortness of breath, and some times even felt faint while attempting to interacting with others. a smile can be hard to manage when trying not to fall over

I ♥️ people so I have lots of shadow people. My pharmacist, the butcher, helping a gas station attendant learn about affordable housing, etc. They enrich my life in small ways, but all are enjoyable interactions. However, one time my husband was with me @ the grocery store & I was talking w/ one of the butchers...and he stood behind the butcher & gave me the most EVIL face, like move on, now. It was so ugly.

Some of my most memorable experiences involved ME being the shadow person, and the kind stranger lightening my day with a compliment or even a friendly hi in the elevator. 💞

Being in customer service teaches you to be kind to your shadow people, at least it did for me. Unless you're highly narcissistic, like my sister--who's also in the same field of customer service... It boggled my mind when I was visiting her out of state and went with her to her work to take care of a couple of clients. She complained to me about how she hated it when clients treat her like she's second class. I agreed that it doesn't feel good and sympathized. After work, we stopped by a store and she treated the cashier like SH*T! She was so rude to her and I was appalled and humiliated by association. When we left the store, I asked her why she would treat the cashier that way after she just complained to me how she hates it when people treat her just like how she treated the cashier. Of course, she justified herself and had her own reasoning to why she's entitled to treat the cashier so rudely. My image of her changed that day and I lost whatever little respect I had for her.

I am an introvert so I am shy most of the time. Most people mistake shy people as being aloof.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

There is an excellent book called Quiet, by Susan Cain. My wife and I are in a book club and that was one of the best books we read a couple of years ago. Dr. C

As someone commented below-treat all people how you would like to be treated...with kindness and compassion♥♥

@RobSlopezJr

6 ай бұрын

I always try and do better when it comes to working on other people's things or how I expect to be treated. I do however, try not to treat others in ways I do not like being treated.

Good to see Gus again!

Every day is a learning experience. Thank you! Hello lovely people!😇

I like to treat everyone with respectability and expect the same behavior from others. Also, I like to estimate people for their treatment towards shadow people ( a waitress/a waiter, a maid, a cleaner). No matter how much kidness and niceness they show towards me, if they are rude, heartless and abusive towards shadow people, then my conclusion is: this kind of people has double standards how they treat different persons. They look like fake luxury brand. Moreover, they show some narcissistic traits. Dr. Carter, thanks! Looking forward to Your video!

@dbirdeycapozzi9807

3 жыл бұрын

👍

@anesasosevic2813

3 жыл бұрын

@@dbirdeycapozzi9807 Thanks! 🙂

@linneajohnson5362

3 жыл бұрын

I have learned not to label people. We all different characteristics and that doesn't make anyone more toxic than the next person. Only docs diagnose. I have done the same and have since experienced differently. There is no room for labels. Period. When I look at someone, I will make every effort to see an individual and not a diagnosis or other label. This is stigmatizing.

I treat everyone the same , with respect , a smile and a hello and a thank you is just what I was taught to be the norm 🌸

A "shadow" person saved Naaman's life - 2 KIngs 5.

@carolinacooper7068

3 жыл бұрын

...a little girl who was also a servant told the rich guy what to do too be cured of leprosy & she was right...thanks for reminding me of this story in 2 Kings 5

@SusanaXpeace2u

3 жыл бұрын

@@carolinacooper7068 sounds interesting!

Always be kind. It actually is that simple. Hi Gus!!!

In banking, the “shadow people” around my clients were hugely influential to my career and success. I was always astounded when colleagues didn’t value or respect them - they felt that the Alpha was the only person deserving of attention or care.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

You get it. BTW, I have stayed with my bank for years b/c the people there are consistently kind and helpful. I really like going in there. In fact, I seldom use the drive-thru just so I can shoot the breeze with the staff inside. Dr. C

@suemick8709

3 жыл бұрын

These are the people who grease the wheels. Support staff truly appreciate kindness and never forget unpleasant encounters. It costs nothing to develop the habit of being pleasant and it can rebound with unexpected benefits.

@s.s.8029

3 жыл бұрын

My sil is a banker as well as a covert narc. Several people (who I trust) were surprised to hear how she treated me (after all, I took her big brother away from her). However, she can be nice to their faces, but then and talks about them as soon as she has a chance. I am now able to to read authentic people better. BTW, she was like this before she entered the banking world. There is very little genuine emotion unless it gets her something. Always has an agenda and even tries selling my husband and I banking things that we don't need. I am in education and deal with some difficult parents and I do not appreciate when my co-workers talk about parents and students in a bad way. I am learning more and more that people are complicated and we never know what someone is going through. I have more respect for people that appropriately share vulnerabilities than to act like they have it all together. No more fake people in my life!

This Is An Important Concept To “Get” ! I Have Pulled Off Some Amazing Things For My Employers In High Places Because Of My Good Connections With People In Low Places ! I Always Acknowledge Everyone In A Pleasant Manner. It Pays Big Dividends Sometimes !!

Thank you for naming this phenomenon. I know a couple of scapegoating narcissists who see people as either beneath them or above them. When people fear that you're only one rung beneath them, God help you. Or worse, if they sense that you dont understand you're beneath them, god help you. You must be aware of your status as shadow person.

She or He was my "shadow driver". I would like to know who that person was, because we had an amazing chemistry. I was driving through the state of Wisconsin to Sault Ste Marie in Canada one night in August 1990. There was very little traffic on that freeway. But luckily it happened that some other driver started driving with me. We never stopped before our destinations, we never talked to each others, but even without that we started driving in a 30 minutes shifts so that I was leading first and then it was this other driver's turn and so on. And believe it or not we drove through the whole night hour after hour this way and early in the morning this driver exited from the freeway one exit before my own exit. This was a miracle, I would say! And I probably couldn't have done that mileage by myself without her or his help on that dark road. My car at that time was a little blue Geo Metro.

@creilly3728

3 жыл бұрын

That’s an amazing story. Sounds like your guardian angel was with you on that trip.

@Betscu.

3 жыл бұрын

@@creilly3728 Well said! Thank you!

I know I could afford to raise a bar a little bit. This was very nice message from Dr C 🌻

My grandma taught us to never "act ugly". "Ugly"was defined as rude, selfish, unkind behavior towards Anyone, anytime, anywhere. Manners were required and also courtesy. You couldn't just do what you were supposed to do, you had to get your heart right and don't be ugly! What a blessing she was to everyone 🥰 This talk from Dr. C reminds me of those learning times.

@karinberonius8799

3 жыл бұрын

Spot on!

Just seeing Gus on the chair is so nice, I lost my Beloved Smokey last month. Dogs are more than shadow people, and the way you treat your beloved pet is as important. I only regret that I didn't give her a dog companion, she was mine. You should always be kind and loving...It's like always having an "E" ticket...

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

You can tell a lot about people by the way they treat animals and small children. Dr. C

@karinberonius8799

3 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry for your loss.🌼

My narc sibling goes beyond ignoring and dismissing shadow people; she makes a point of raising her voice and making every effort to antagonize and humiliate them. Like every bully, she knows that she's assaulting someone who can't really fight back because... "customer satisfaction." The victim fears for his/her job. She gets a huge amount of pleasure out of this.

I make it a point to be polite and kind to shadow people. I'm an extreme introvert, and don't feel comfortable around people. However, you never know who needs a moment of kindness in their lives. I learned this from people I didn't know who would treat me with kindness and respect.

Thank you! And much love to Gus!

Interesting. At a school I once worked at we had a PR high level professional basketball player associated with our school. He would show up occasionally for a smiley, happy photo op with the special needs kids and as soon as the camera was off he couldn’t get out of there soon enough. Told me everything I needed to know about the guy long before I understood the word “narcissist”.

Yes! People absolutely hate me because I treat kids with the same level of respect as everyone else. I correct myself when I am wrong. I listen thoroughly and you don't have to be a certain age to be treated like you matter. We all do. When the kids knock on my door, they don't ask if my kids can come out and play. They ask for me. 🤭

@morningsong8077

3 жыл бұрын

Nice! Yep, you get from kids what you expect to get from them. It’s terribly hypocritical to raise up a child and tell him/her that you love them (saying they’re important to you), just to turn around and dismiss and invalidate them at every turn. Kids are perceptive. This is a big part of “acting out” in children - frustration.

@Aannishiaa

3 жыл бұрын

@@morningsong8077 If only everyone thought to think. 💕

@ Dr. C and community... I give respect to others but if they gaslight or are disrespectful to me then I do not put up with it. For example, I had to walk away from a wonderful veterinary clinic yesterday because a shadow staffer became a gaslighter. The veterinarian is good but I will not be treated with such disrespect. The narcissist or gaslighter could take their feelings out on my dog so we had to say goodbye. This is an example where a shadow person or people became toxic. 🤔❤️🇺🇸✊

@elanahammer1076

3 жыл бұрын

@Millicient Aspinet You have a great point and I appreciate your feedback. Originally I was working with an employee whom I called last week to see if they could take a new patient. Our service dog passed away in April so I thought we would go back to our veterinarian clinic that we have gone to since 2010. The so called office manager returned the phone call from the original employee I was working with to schedule for a date. Office managers can sometimes be hidden narcs. They can be found in Hr positions too in various organizations. Anyhow this person gas lighted me for no reason and made accusations unfounded without providing any evidence. I spoke to the Veterinarian about her behavior briefly. I was so upset and talked it over with my husband and told him that I am not comfortable having any animals of mine around someone as the office managers toxic behaviors. She could retaliate on our new service dog. So not cool. I did my best to warn them and it is sad because he is a wonderful veterinarian. Thanks for letting me vent.🤔❤️

wish my Dad had Doctor Les' HEART.

I drove a route for 20 years. I remember every good person i encountered. I also remember successfull people having bad days and could see their anxiety. I tried to be as nice as i could. Anxiety kills us.

Loved this video. It really sums up the difference between decent people and narcissists. Instead of calling myself an Emphatic person opposed to Narcistic, we are kind and they are not.

@dosso9958

3 жыл бұрын

My narcissist is MUCH kinder to strangers than than she is to immediate family members (mother, sister). She likes the pat on the back for being so wonderful.

@teresacotton7923

3 жыл бұрын

@@dosso9958 I got that too, although if we were in a restaurant he was rude to the waitress , impatient with others.

This video reminds me of a banner that is up at my kid's school: Character is how you act when no one is looking. You shouldn't just be nice because someone will see it and recognize you for it or reward you in some way. You should do it because it's the right thing to do, because treating someone with a basic level of respect and decency is the right thing to do.

Yep! I always try to show gratitude for others providing a service to me. Matthew 25:40 - whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers & sisters of God (Jesus), you did it to/for God.

Thanks Dr Carter ❤ I like this. I love to be kind to my shadow people 😊 it's just my nature to be this way. I've been criticized about it by the narc about it. Lol but to bad. I like saying hello and a smile. I like waving at the ones in the neighborhood and they wave too. It's a thing we all do.

I so enjoy you videos Dr Carter, thanks for your work and your wisdom !As someone who worked in customer service for many years , people who treat you with kindness, empathy and good will can make your day or get you through a rough shift, especially because so many out there can be disrespectful, entitled and rude if they see you as unimportant . I try and brighten someones day with a smile, a kind word or patience in a difficult situation because I know how much something so simple can impact someone, and especially those who work in customer service who often interact with hundreds of people each day , if hundreds of people are dismissive or rude, vs hundreds of people being kind and grateful, what an impact that could have on that individual.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

You express it so well. Thanks for these good comments! Dr. C

I'm shy by nature, so I'm usually polite and patient to people ,but yes, sometimes I could be friendlier to others. I probably come off as aloof and haughty sometimes; when really I'm just feeling stressed and I'm in my own zone. And the opposite is true sometimes when people give bad customer service, even being rude to you and without consequence. You are going to find some really nice people in Florida, but you have some really rude people here too.

Someone has observed that you can measure the character of an individual by the way he treats people who are likely never going to be able to do him any good, at all.

You really never know what someone may be going through. I try to respect other people and would like the same in turn! Everyone deserves that. One time I got a notice in the mail about some service that was changing and it had a number to call if you had questions. I called and asked a question and the person said the notice was self explanatory!! I must of been the wrong Self!! I hung up phone and said I must be really dumb and should of thanked him for pointing that out to me!! My sisters and I had so much fun with that one!!!

Shadow people are always a surprise if you just take a few minutes to talk to them. You never know what kind of gem is right in front of you! These days, there is a caution. Certain folks are sometimes unnerved by forward people (like me) so you may not be received very well. Keep in mind that they are conditioned by our present social circumstances and may regard you with a bit of suspicion. I forge ahead anyway and have rarely been disappointed...

@jerrystauffer2351

3 жыл бұрын

Most folks want to be friends

I always taught my children, “It’s nice to be nice.”

I agree completely. It is way you deal with clerks and everyone you come across and your respect and acknowledging of them as a human being.

Actually, I never heard the term "shadow people" before now. People are people♥️🌛

- I just want to let anyone who’s reading this comment know. I wish you great success, health, love and happiness! ✨

@dbirdeycapozzi9807

3 жыл бұрын

...and of course you as well

@linneajohnson5362

3 жыл бұрын

Hey! Thanks, same to you♥️🌛

@charimireles6720

3 жыл бұрын

And the same to you Honey.Blessings

I photographed mine recently, in the sunshine. I like my shadow :) Looking forward to hearing what this is really about. Always fascinating Dr C!

Thank you!

My narc mother is the opposite. One time she was in the hospital with seratonin syndrome so she was temporarily behaving very bizarrely, yet she was still in character, just exaggerated. She would grab the nurse's hand (especially male nurses) and tell them "that was just what I needed, thank you so much." Then she immediately turned around and gave me a look of contempt as if to say "but not you. If you acted like them (serving her!) you would get praise too. Too bad for you that you don't measure up." But maybe I was her shadow person at the moment because she wasn't getting anything from me. Everyone that worked there thought she was just wonderful. Frankly, it was sickening.

@halinafultiak4979

3 жыл бұрын

Met some elderly people doing this to their children in my work ....... their demands can be draining 😘

Your voice, teaching, encouragement, and love is a breath of fresh air, and healing for many! Thank You!

WOW! I've learned something new today, thank you Dr. C. The term SHADOW PEOPLE, now makes sense to me as well as the statement "If he's nice to you but not nice to the waiter, then he's not a nice person".

Well said Dr. Carter! Forget yourself sometimes…❤️

I really appreciate all you do.

I get now how you use shadow as not a part of my inner circle. I just had a really lovely girl encounter at Target as I looked for the first time in a long while for makeup. I asked the gals at the door what they used. And they had some good tips. Then I went back to the department and got great help and she even went and got their beauty expert a young woman with little pretense unlike department stores and she ended up recommending a product elsewhere. What a great uplift for my day. Did you know tea bags are still the best for under eyes and that some products use caffeine? I learn all the time and then get to share. Thanks for this talk as usual Dr. C. I come from a gregarious family and I am now especially after working with you less afraid of making a fool of myself or just walking away. I LOVE to laugh with others.

This is so interesting, Dr. Carter! “Shadow People.” I’ve never heard of this and am so intrigued by it. What i find most interesting about this is how the narcissist in my life treats his shadow people BETTER than he does me or his kids. He will sit with a perfect stranger and talk for hours, laugh, listen, and encourage- then turn around the very next moment and sit in silence while his adult kids and i carry on a conversation and enjoy one another’s company. When i confront his behavior and ask why he doesn’t speak with us the way he speaks to “shadow people” (because it’s not just perfect strangers,) he will say something like- “well, i didn’t really know anything about the subject you all were discussing” or “i just didn’t have anything to add to the conversation.” This is his habitual behavior. In this video, i think i hear you giving instruction to notice when someone treats the shadow people in their life well and that’s how they will most likely treat you also. Am i understanding correctly? If so, that’s the very thing that got me in trouble with the narcissist i deal with. I think that’s one of the reasons i stayed with him for nearly 30 years. I kept thinking surely he can pay just as much respect to his wife and kids as he does perfect strangers. Can you please talk about narcissists who actually treat shadow people well but then don’t give the same attention and respect to the ones they say they love the most? Thank you.

@AlwaysStampinVideos

3 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 I would still like to hear from Dr. Carter on this one. Your comment isn’t taken hurtful whatsoever. But neither is it helpful. Sorry.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I had considered this as I was putting the video together. It's a separate topic and I intend to address it. I already have a video planned for the pretender narcissist, but I'll do one on this specific dimension as well. I like getting feedback like this from viewers, so thank you. It'll be just a few weeks. Dr. C

@AlwaysStampinVideos

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter i almost figured you’d be on top of this, Dr. Carter. Yes- “the pretender” is a perfect description! So what i would like to know is how to spot and know a pretender (most importantly- before it’s too late... aka before relationship bonding or marriage takes place.) Thank you, Dr.C!

When I was young and dating, how my date treated waiters and other service people was the first thing Iooked at. It told me more about him than anything he said.

Don't forget that older people have life experiences you as a young person may not. I may not have the latest tech but we did communicate before it existed. Tired of rolled eyes.

Gus' name appeared as I was smiling to see him. Then, ''shadow people'' appeared on the human... heh! Thank you, Dr. Carter.

*Appreciative of Our Interconnectedness* Peace Love & Kindness to You & Gus too!

Thank you for the insightful explanation and the wonderful video, Dr. Les Carter. We should be grateful for all the shadow people around us, in the manner that we can help each other in daily living. That way, we also can spread positivity in others and share the values. Have a wonderful day, Doc, and blessings to you 🙏

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Terrific words, Julie. Dr. C

Thankyou dear doctor Carter, I usually do not care about unknown people because they treat me as nobody where I live. But this talk was so interesting. I feel so very stronger after listening to you. I am so very happy I have found your Channel. 🕊️🕊️🕊️😍

Love your channel, greetings from Germany!

One Body Should Never Look Down On Another Unless They Are Admiring Their Shoes !! 😎

The most reasonable, emotionally intelligent man on the internet right here!

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much. Dr. C

LOVE. This is excellent. Thank you 🙏 I learned this from a friend years ago as I watched her model finding and loving the “shadow people” no one else would notice- from the challenged in corners and wheelchairs to the little ones hanging on mom’s legs 🥰 She taught me what a big heart of love looks like.

Thank you Dr. Carter, for reminding me that I am a pretty good soul. My mother taught us how to treat people with kindness & respect. Love your pooch, she looked very comfortable in that chair.

My ex-husband was usually very unkind to his "shadow people", so much so that it was embarassing to be with him in public. He was constantly rude to service-persons everywhere we went. He also used pretentious speech in public, as I guess he wanted others to think he was more educated than he really was. I knew it was fake and it really bothered me. After a short marriage, I divorced him because he became abusive to me. I'm so glad I got divorced from him, because it seemed his true colors were showing. Wish I had known all this about shadow people some 40 years ago.

Cant wait. Locked in.

Thank you Dr. C. This is frankly something I need to work on. Seems like I am always in a hurry and don't always take time for people around me, no matter the circumstances this is great advice..

I love making friends with strangers. Just yesterday made a friend in the check out and I asked her about her purchases. As she left she turned and said bless you. Made my day. Not sure about word shadow. As I believe we are all One in the eyes of the divine there is no other. Big fan of Buber I and Thou. Another has mentioned that book here too.

A commitment to kindness without expectation of reward is the mark of a mature and spiritualized Soul...Whether they are conscious of it or not. You never know what another person may be going through and how a small act of kindness could uplift a struggling person. And it costs nothing to be kind...Except it's at the expense of the ego. Thanks Dr. Carter...and, Gus...Mwah!!

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Paulabella. Dr. C

This was awesome. For some reason, I see every single small encounter with any given person as a way to both practice my ideal self, and when I feel healthy, an opportunity to really light up someone’s day, bring joy or a smile, or a peaceful presence or whatever to benefit another person’s experience. Small encounters feel like sacred tests and opportunities.

Im excited to watch this

I’ve been a shadow person before so I often consider them and treat them well. Was a server for awhile. And in the narc fam, you know this Cinderella knows how it feels to be “nobody.” I kind of like it now tho. Sometimes “prestige” comes with so much fake everyone chasing after you and what they think you have. Lol.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

You understand exactly what I was getting at in the video! Dr. C

@goodenoughgirl8102

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Cool. Thanks. I’m glad to be on the right track. Lol.

...and, that is why I like to listen to you - YOU get it. Thank you Doctor C!

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Melanie. Dr. C

Thank you for this enlightening video. Light bulbs went on when watching this and thinking how to apply this to my tool box. In looking back in retrospect in relationships and especially family and marriage, this is spot on with the narcs that used to be part of my life.

🌈💃💖 THANKS This is so true! In most cases I would say that's me! There are those HOWEVER who don't seem to want to engage & that's OK too, they could be shy, having a bad day & I believe u need to respect that space also!

Listening to this again Dr.Carter & my memory was jogged of the video I first watched of you of the young boy you helped- my heart just smiled- God is so good, all the time! Have a amazing day😇

during recovery from narc abuse, i find myself noticing the ‘shadow’ people more than ever. i walk every morning and see them on my route. i see them at the park. at the grocery store. these days i’m limited as to who i would even want to interact with. in fact these days, i can’t think of anyone i want to chat with. the people in the shadows are all i have. for now i guess 😎

@halinafultiak4979

3 жыл бұрын

Keep going, do not be afraid, be kind to yourself and others love always wins and gives good vibes 💕💕💕♥️♥️

@katherineg9396

2 жыл бұрын

It's a start, and you are being kind. Very good!

You are uniquely special.

Thankyou for your lessons I'm learning and valuing them

Hello Gus

Good point - as you said earlier, narcs tend to act nice towards strangers if they are trying to bullshit them (e.g. selling them a 'church') or they will make them look good because of a cause they may be associated with. Anybody they consider below their station they treat like garbage.

Great encouragement to treat others well and the way I would want to be treated. Thank you.

Love you Dr. Les. So grateful that you allow God to work through you to help so many of us. Thank you and God Bless you.

Great video....I've never really thought of this before. I treat my shadow people well😀 Love Gus in the background

When we cross paths with “shadow people” this reveals “who you are,” however, brief the time. Do you treat a stranger with respect, courtesy, kindness , I would hope that reflects “who we are” ! I believe the way you treat others “shadow people or others”reveals the very essence of “who we want to be! A defining measure is treating them well, when no one is looking!

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly! Dr. C

First glance at the title made me think Dr C was going to talk about Jung. Still gonna watch, tho. 👍😎

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Actually I think I have a video about the narcissist's shadow self on the Surviving Narcissism channel. I made it probably two or more years ago. This one begins with a different premise. Dr. C

@eddierayvanlynch6133

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter - Awesome! I've wondered what your take was on Shadow-work since I heard the term. I think a lot of us with narc family backgrounds struggle with balance daily, and the Shadow gives an important perspective. 👍😎

@sage9836

3 жыл бұрын

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 I was in an amazing class at the Jung center and the instructor taught us that there were positive things that we may have relegated to our shadow if those positive things were unwelcome in our situation. Amazing instructor and theory. You might already know all about it, but I wanted to chime in because it's a cool topic. Maybe Dr. C will make a video on Jung sometime.

@eddierayvanlynch6133

3 жыл бұрын

@@sage9836 - I'm more familiar with the Archetype material from taking counseling psych as an elective. I (synchronistically?) also took mythology the same term. One of the most interesting semesters ever. Good luck on your journey! 👍😎

@sage9836

3 жыл бұрын

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 Cool stuff. Best to you, also.

Thank you, sir. My boyfriend and I like your videos. They're simple, clear, concise, informative, and delivered in non-patronizing manner. You are clearly respectful and caring, and you want people to have the opportunity to be the best version of themselves.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, and I think it's great that the two of you are watching together! Dr. C

I always treat my shadow people with respect no matter what walk of life they are. I so enjoy diversity and what others have to offer the everyday experience. I want to offer others simple goodness and kindness when I cross their path as well. A simple genuine smile sometimes is all that is required and I feel the Holy Spirit’s warmth inside. It’s a great feeling. What you put out there comes right back at you double!!