"Let go of the rope." I needed that.

Boy, there are SO MANY people like this! Don't want to take any responsibility for anything. They start problems and expect everybody else to fix the resulting messes they cause.

@KAREN-rx9pq

3 жыл бұрын

You're right there as they sure do!!

@shahadah1451

3 жыл бұрын

The more handouts they get the less work they have to do.

@elizabethbowie9753

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah. & That's called, Manipulation. My neighbor copies off of other ppl.'s ailments. A yr ago, I had a Severe back PAIN. Not a mere back ache. No amount of Tylenol or hot baths could cure that PAIN. Next thing I know, she's walking around with her hand on her back, & Then!! She manipulated ppl at work due to her fake back ache... & leaves her job. Then, she does the same thing, to get her 80+ y.o. parents, to clean her apt. That angered me More. Her 80+ y.o. Mother, carried out bags of laundry, while She walked behind, Smiling. Smiling! When you've had a real deal back, Pain as I did, you CAN'T smile. She's a manipulater to her own parents. 🙄🙄🙄.

I let go of that rope! 3 months ago after 32 years 🙌🏼

Thank you-letting go of the rope-such a great suggestion! No more rope burns on my hands.

@AllyKit

3 жыл бұрын

Easier said than done when you are married for decades.

@carolnahigian9518

3 жыл бұрын

exactly, there are a Couple PsychoSLOBS inmy family- 45-60 years of zero clues, no insight- THEY COME to town, have a fit, and we are sorry they are returning.

@mell6398

3 жыл бұрын

@@AllyKit Yes, but maybe easier when it comes to friends and other family.

The title of this video made me chuckle I must admit. Psychological Laziness is a very intriguing topic. Your vdeos are always great.

Sadly I think this is MOST people. It is very hard work to look inward and change, it requires determination and an ability to deal with the pain that inevitably arises. Not to mention a baseline of mental stability in the first place! People in this country in particular are taught to look outside themselves for comfort, which doesn't help long term but sure works in the short term!

Key characteristics listed of the Psychologically Lazy individual: 1. Immediately begins making excuses when problems arise 2. Repetition of annoying habits over life span 3. Unwillingness to modulate anger 4. Make other's behavior the cause of their pathology, locus of control is outside of themselves 5. Ongoing pessimism, lack of appreciation 6. Impossible defensiveness around improving relationship 7. Shows little to no introspection 8. Lives with pervasive insecurity but won't do anything about it 9. Use of chronic black-white, "all or nothing" thinking 10. Little regard for the impact of their behavior on others BONUS: Work is needed to be a psychologically whole individual. Psychologically lazy people use many mechanisms to avoid doing this work. As a result, the psychologically lazy person seems to prefer to avoid relationships, and will stubbornly refuse to take responsibility for their own life.

@mreese8764

3 жыл бұрын

11. skip down to the comments to find this list.

@steppenwolf3252

3 жыл бұрын

THANK U, WISHFUL THINKING! I'm ALWAYS grateful for your for your written summaries. I, too, am a "visual learner" -I wanted you to know your generosity does not go unnoticed. Namaste'

@AWanderingEye

3 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 thank you!

@AWanderingEye

3 жыл бұрын

@@steppenwolf3252 thank you!

@steppenwolf3252

3 жыл бұрын

@@AWanderingEye ☮💞🙏

Making exuses and delay not to work on ourselves create psychological laziness, and at the same time, these are the biggest "enemies" for our personal growth. Universe rewards us for our efforts, not for excuses and delay. C. JoyBell C. wrote: "The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open." Dr. Carter, thanks for teaching us.

@catb445

3 жыл бұрын

Very very true, change needs to be embraced, not avoided! I def agree!🙏🤗💖💪

@Robidu1973

3 жыл бұрын

Here's the catch for psychologically lazy people: They need to change, alas, they don't know what the future is going to have in stock for them once this change actually occurs. Unfortunately they aren't going to find out, because they won't do anything about it. Or as Georg Christoph Lichtenberg has put it: "I don't know whether things become better when they change, but they have to change to become better."

Focus on you before anyone else ...... GREAT CONTENT

Thank you so much 🙂. Now I understand why things goes the way they do. I understand why I always get trapped into problems with other people because I don't have a clear picture of who I want to be. Kind regards 😇

Wow! I got some psychological exercises to do! I've got plenty of weak areas. Time to stop being on the lazy side!

It's the disconnect. Extreme lack of self awareness. Easier for them to blame everyone else for everything.

1) not asking questions of yourself/reflecting on your behaviour. 2) pointing fingers 3) not listening 4) stonewalling in conflicts 5) thoughtless actions 6) denying/avoiding reality 7) focus on external attributes 8) that's all I can come up with at the moment!

@lunatic8877

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my husband and his family

@nessamillikan6247

3 жыл бұрын

Another one I thought of is “Only wants to focus on pleasant topics, or things that they like.” They have a sort of “I don’t like that” reaction for anything that requires of them some exploration of new ideas or emotional processing. Tend to be very focused ONLY on feeling shallow, positive emotions, and are very impatient with others’ changing moods.

Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!! I've been waiting for so long for somebody to discuss how lazy these narcissists are. Physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically lazy. Constantly stalling everything to avoid having to do anything. Cutting corners, doing things half a$$ed. (sorry I don't know any other term to use for that).

Mahalo Dr.Cater! I couldn't change my donkey, I gave it all I could. It's a two way street in every relationships.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Mahalo. Dr. C

I'll bet most of us can see items on this list where we could use a little work - ha! I'm glad that there are resources available like Dr. Les, my bosses, etc who model a lot of positive reinforcement. My own gratitude practice helps me to build on my strengths and take responsibility to do better in weaker areas. Growth opportunities instead of shame! Thanks!

@monmacphee289

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly It’s being aware that change needs to happen for growth

@bereal6590

2 жыл бұрын

I think this is true... I think the DIFF. .. With narcs is they do not see that there needs to be any change.... I have one who says sorry all the time BUT what's the point if you don't know what you're saying sorry for and then you go ahead and do it again anyway!? It's like say sorry that's it end of.... 😡

Fantasy rules their life! No room for true anything! They only do what they want to do, not need to do, unless to do so would bring them supply! They have more love for their collections, probably cuz collections don’t ask questions, Heaven forbid they might have a meaningful relationship!

@Freaksnake

3 жыл бұрын

reminds me of the noah's ark story for some reason. The non stop fantasies I reckon.

@yvonneneal8063

3 жыл бұрын

You peeked into my home, haven’t you? Lol No room for true anything unless he wants it and it’s on his terms.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

Hey, I have collections and I am not psychologically lazy. I also have a deep relationship with myself and a couple others. I take action to keep my life healthy by staying away from the lazy pessimistic blamers. Over the years with many failures I have honed my skills to know who they are early on. Keeps life content.

I also recognize how I used to display some of these attributes and it fills me with such regret. And I see where I need to continue to focus.

I am literally married to a person who personifies EVERY SINGLE ONE of these attributes.

@merillwalter8698

3 жыл бұрын

Sadly so am I. But separated as his abusive behaviour wouldn't pause even for one day. They can't seem to see how really sick they are.

@curlew-3592

3 жыл бұрын

Me too 😂😂🙄

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

So people in this comment thread, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? Don’t be lazy 😝

@gailrosenberg48

3 жыл бұрын

I strongly urge you ladies to find a way to move on. This is not marriage. It is "wedlock" emphasis on LOCK. Do not waste anymore precious time. You only live once. Regret is a bitter bitter root. Trust me on this.

@merillwalter8698

3 жыл бұрын

@@elsagrace3893 What are you even talking about ?? People like you make ridiculous assumptions that everyone just sits there and does nothing. Very far from the truth. I kicked his butt right out of the house and haven't seen him since. Divorcing him. So don't make assumptions when everyone's situation can be different. A lot of women and children are homeless and on the streets because of this. And the last thing they need is judgement from someone who doesn't even have all the facts. Not to mention that women have been killed in the process of leaving or soon after. This can be life and death and requires very careful planning. Judgemental much.

In my family of origin these ten points weren't a checklist they were commandments. Both parents were highly narcissistic and abusive and unfortunately these are the things that were modeled for us as children and therefore were embedded in my mind. What helped me heal and continues to help me is watching and learning from healthy, kind, loving people. Some of us just didn't get taught how to live in a healthy way and as adults were completely adrift in a hostile world. It literally took me most of my life to learn how to be healthy and have loving kind relationships. Videos like this Dr. Carter, are very much needed for those of us who had to learn emotional intelligence out on the street.

@bluebird3167

3 жыл бұрын

Mark, your suffering hasn't been in vain.

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

So well said, "...had to learn emotional intelligence out on the street." YEP, pre-Internet. Hard knocks are rough teachers but if we LEARN? Hey, beats not learning, lol. I guess we never fully "arrive?" But every video here is a help, right? Right!

Great understanding, let the stubborn donkeys go, after you have tried. Loved it, shared it too.

Ok I’m most definitely psychological lazy Yet I am aware i do many of what you described Yes it’s comfortable to stay within a comfort zone Yet I myself want to change Time for massive change!

It is also Sabatoge. They like the Control.

It is a difficult situation to let that rope go sometimes, yet you realize it isn’t love at that point. The situation just gets more and more conflicting. Once you realize through practice that self awareness, accountability and utilizing resources to raise yourself up is truly powerful it becomes easier to let go of these entanglements. Plus it allows for the other individual to make their own choice completely. Thank you Dr.Les. I needed this one for a potentially difficult conversation later this week.

@saltymermaid697

3 жыл бұрын

Lots of liberation in taking accountability for your actions and life choices

Boy, am I familiar with this. But then again there is a reason I also follow your other channel. Narcissistic people are definitely psychologically lazy.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

On target, Lori. Dr. C

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

.keeping these people in your life is a psychologically laziness. Sure, removing them can be the hardest thing you will ever do but that is the work. That is the route to health. That is not being lazy.

One of the way how not to be stuck in psychological laziness has been described by Albert Einstein. He wrote: "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing". Dr. Carter, thanks for one more life lesson!

I take responsibility for my wrongs, but I will not take responisbility for others's blaming me for thier wrongs!

"Imitate a donkey" 🤣 and "I'd let go of that line" Perfectly hilarious!

Excellent! I let go of the rope. Thank you, Dr. C.

OMG! I can't believe that now you're talking about ongoing annoying habits. I have been wanting someone to talk about that topic for so very long. Because it can make me feel like I'm being petty since every little thing he does annoys me. But now listening to this video it confirms that he just does these annoying things because he's lazy. Thank you so much for touching on these topics. The laziness and the ongoing annoying habits. ALSO Poor with time management, don't finish tasks, sloppy and generally irresponsible. That's a big one!! Don't finish tasks - that huge!

@saltymermaid697

3 жыл бұрын

And when that is your boss...

This man is absolutely spot on so many people lack energy which they can create it if they wish to!! It's there for the taking!! For me life is too short to live on a low vibe so to speak!!!! Must live life to the full that's my view !!🙆🚵🇬🇧

Thanks for this. The easiest defense is -- You're the one! It's on the same level with -- Says who! And they're the only one who hurts, your hurt is completely unacknowledged. And when you bring up your side of things, they claim you're selfish, cruel, etc. It's all about their pain which was caused by YOU. There's no reasonable way to deal with this impasse except for to do some no contact. They gaslight you as the uncaring, insensitive, cruel narcissist, and a litany of other projections.

I appreciate how Dr. Carter speaks into our hearts and minds. This video is a good reset for me today. Thank you so much!

Oh, my, this is very familiar to me, especially the complaints about freakin' traffic! Thank you

I would appreciate a video on things we might do to escape psychological laziness.

@jes5918

2 жыл бұрын

Great suggestion. That could be very helpful for those who are wanting to move away from that.

"Food for thought"?🤔 No, doctor, I already overate. This is more like a cold water wake-up; I needed it, thanks💧💦🚿🌊💜

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Ok, a bucket of cold water to your face...then food for thought. Dr. C

@skywalktriceiam

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter 🤣 that certainly is refreshing! Thank you, I appreciate it🙌💜🙏

Dr. Carter you are the true gem and one of the best experts on personality disorders. ❤️❤️❤️

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Silvana. Dr. C

@klasi58

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter Thank you for working so hard and creating content accessible to everyone at not cost. Your KZread videos are life savers. 👏

Thank you for bringing to light some of my own flaws of psychological laziness! It is time for me to change the associations I have that are holding me back so that I can be driven to healthy actions in those areas by adjusting my subconscious beliefs.

I really appreciate how you can deconstruct these behaviors, it really helps clarify for me! I have a parent who is so strongly tightly attached to problems they are not available for solutions

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

Ugh, yeah, the doom and gloom and victim hood is ridiculous. When I hear that I listen, acknowledge and walk away.

Personal responsibility is SO freeing. When I'm "trapped" by narcissist-influenced circumstances, I'm still free to choose my responses, or to plot a change of course, or to find strategies to help my endurance... The more I learn that I AM in control of ME, the less vulnerable I feel. Some of the narcissists probably truly do suffer from not having figured-out that "traffic-happens" for instance, as Dr. C says. "Other people" happen, and get in their way. It's PAINFUL to watch angry, impatient people simmer as they face obstacles like waiting in line, or otherwise not getting what they want, when and how they want it. Frankly, if I have to be in a "narcissist scenario" I'd much RATHER be on the receiving end. It's annoying to be let-down and/or run-over, ABSOLUTELY, even heart-breaking, and life-altering. But would we want to BE them? No way! It may look like they're getting away with murder (so to speak) but what they're missing is the best stuff of life. Thanks for shining light on the condition, Dr. C, it's helped me a lot. I have more compassion for them AND more defenses against the harm they can cause.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

👍🏼🙏🏼

@saltymermaid697

3 жыл бұрын

I think of it this way. If people never have the courage to make that first step of saying "it's on me, let me look into that and grow/learn " then as years go by doing that only gets scarier.

@kylieelise8846

23 сағат бұрын

Great comment!

Yes, we have somebody that behaves like this....

Cautious about this title. Figure it’s not about gaslighting the traumatized. Still might wait before viewing.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

You are able to be gaslit because your sense of self is faint. It’s fainter and weaker than your sense of the gaslighter person. Increase your introspection.

@bygrace2me

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I'm not sure this video is particularly helpful for those of us dealing with chronic mental health issues (clinical depression, ptsd from childhood trauma, autism-related difficulties, etc.) I don't know anyone who tries harder than I do to identify, address, and keep working on my issues. But if you were to look at my surface behaviors with this checklist, I would fall squarely under the "psychologically lazy" label. It's not for lack of effort, though. Some things just can't be changed by simply deciding to be different than you are. Not that I haven't tried that, too.

@CJ-hz1uj

3 жыл бұрын

elsa Grace, and you just provided an example of gaslighting.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

@@CJ-hz1uj explain yourself please. Not everyone points to another person and blames them for their own questioning of reality. People with a strong sense of self do not do this. Sure it’s easier to blame than to identify in yourself how you could become a healthier person and then do the work.

@10:08-"haven't cared enough to figure out what relationships are all about" - exactly!!

You just described ADHD with associated behaviors and coping skills. Not making an excuse citing ADHD, just an observation. Seek evaluation. If it isn’t ADHD (ADD) it could be narcissism. But, my own drill down has pondered if ADHD not addressed develops a defense coping skill of narcissist tactics. Appropriate early identification and remediation intervention for ADHD could throw a spoke in the wheel of a budding narcissist. Physiological “laziness” needs a deep dive.

@M_SC

3 жыл бұрын

Adhd people aren’t narcissistic, though they can be psychologically lazy

My ex and I used to travel with 2 trunks for our scuba diving gear. The trunks locked. On one vacation he left the keys to the trunks on the dresser. So, after more than 24 hours of traveling, and getting situated, it turns out it was really MY FAULT, because I distracted him just before we were getting ready to leave! It wasn’t a big deal, the locks were rather flimsy anyway, but he couldn’t admit any responsibility.

I can safely press the like button before watching this. Another subject that you will dissect perfectly. I will really enjoy this..

Dr. C - In an earlier video, you talked about a sure sign of narcissism being the person not taking responsibility for their behavior/thinking/etc. or, put another way, not being personally accountable. Your checklist is interwoven with that same theme throughout and reminds me of the "The Oz Principle", a book by Connors, Smith and Hickman. Today's talk really resonated with what I learned from these authors and I recommend the book to anyone who has not read it. The personal relationship skills it added to my life are priceless.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for passing this along. Dr. C

I'm finding it incredibly painful that a loved one doesn't want to continue the journey to living a clean and healthy life with me

I appreciate the title of this video. It holds people accountable in a world that wants to medicate every person for having the slightest suspicion of a mental health problem. I believe this enables narcissists with the idea that they are “just this way” because of a “chemical imbalance that can’t be helped” (Or measured btw). It’s easier to take a pill than to go to therapy you know?

Right on, Dr C. Sending this one to my husband to see if he recognizes someone.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe, just maybe it will soak in? Dr. C

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

That you have a psychologically lazy person that close to you in your life points to you being psychologically lazy. Sorry. I hope you get up the incentive to move into a healthier situation. He isn’t going to change. The situation is working great for him!

I‘ve been negative lately. Just today. Then I thought that it really does not help anything in my life to complain. I just wonder that I seemingly do not know how to live my life. Inam unhappy about myself and I do not know what to do. The problem is that I do not know exactly why I feel so unhappy and unsatisfied. I just moved from a place that I love, to this place (because of the job) and I feel that thus is a very boring town. I am sad here, I really got down even basically, everything is quite well. Then I did a mistake, opened my mouth and told about thus to my narcissistic parents (I assume they are) and as a result, I felt even WORSE. It is as if I had given them a gun and said: „Shoot me.“ And then I became even more sad when I was so stupid that I had talked anything. Indeed: negativity does not help at all, even I live now in a very boring town, it does not become more interesting if I complain about it. This was the first time in my life when I moved to a new „home“ and I was not enthusiastic at all. I cried, I was so sad because of this move. I do not even want to call this my „home“. This is only a place where I live.

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

Yah, it's rough when you share and it only gives ammo to people who will make you wish you hadn't "opened-up." BUT, here ya are at a great site where you can see there are lots of people in lots of different stages of "freaking-out" or "in!" Freaking-in? Being bummed-out kinda feels like that, doesn't it? The good news is that it's temporary. I'm sure of that. Maybe that "practicing self-care" that Dr. C talks about would be a good idea. Talking to a qualified impartial "stranger" might be a safe place to talk. UNlike talking to our "insiders" who may never let us forget, ha. Speaking for myself only, what I focus on tends to GROW. So I force myself to count my blessings, literally: I've got my eyes, hands, feet, Internet connection, lol... It sounds too simple, but I've at least talked MYSELF into "smelling the roses, and being thankful for them." It can be a minute by minute fight but... Oh, and a comedy channel? There's a good channel online that's probably easy to find. Good, clean, funny humor - free online!?! It can be a night-saver! Best wishes for an attitude-lift for you, Sanna, you CAN do it. No matter what you do or don't do, things will change, new days are on the way.

This video perfectly describes a person I have broken contact with. This kind of laziness splashes over into other areas of life and simply drains the motivation and life-force of anyone it touches for more than a few nanoseconds. So sad. Why live mediocre when God has blessed us so richly???? It's an alternate reality.

It's true, but health is the bottom line. I wouldn't call them psychologically lazy but they have either given up or don't recognize the problems their behavior causes. Lazy is the mild way of saying irresponsible and self-defeating. Be the change you want to see in the world. Miracles can still happen if we work at it, somehow peace can align the world. It is not an effort if we want to change. Everything starts from today. We all could use some insightful modifications. 🙏

Great video. I’ve had a friend for years that has distracted herself for years from her emotional healing. We grew into a deeper relationship, and I have addressed so much with her. Impulsive buying, poor money management, neglecting her needs, etc. I am so tired of talking to her about things she doesn’t address. Time to let that rope go.

#5.) “As I sat thinking, alone and melancholy and without a friend, there came a voice out of the gloom saying, ‘Cheer up ! Things could be worse.’ So I cheered up and, sure enough, things got worse. “ plaque given to my ‘grandfather’ 😄.

Thank you Dr C : )

Man, this video hasn't even premiered yet, but I'm already liking it! I probably need to hear this, so I'm priming myself to get hurt a little bit by this 😆

@Jenavee26

3 жыл бұрын

Now that I've watched this, I have some of these in mild dosages. And some of the people in my life have them in moderately high dosages lol. I'm willing to work on myself 🧡

I guess we all get STUCK in one aspect of our life. I choose to let go of that rope! I am going to do all that I can to be a healthy person.

I get mad all the time in traffic if a person is too slow or is a loser driver 😂 Shit i never thought that was being psychologically lazy.. I don't blame others though. Anxiety that is genetic in families 🤣 My brother used to say i was very black and white.. I do though give 100% in relationships and usually attract narcissists like my parents but not anymore. Thanks doc🙏

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

Blaming anxiety on your family genetics is not taking responsibility for it. Just stop already.

This one I am saving, will watch again. Your videos and books have been helping me through some difficult engagements. Thank you so much Dr. C!

Dr. Carter, you are my Vitamin C. I am learning what healthy is from you. I am delighted to have let go of the rope. FREEDOM,!👍😊

People are people. Traits or choices are traits and choices.

I seem to be negative, as I've had a lot of bad experiences and health problems. Lack of money and a lack of quality friends. Covid and being scared about the future does not help.

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

Health problems are "not for sissies!" It's AMAZING how all the gripes and complaints about life can take a back-seat when PAIN enters the picture. Yikes. I guess we grow in patience and coping skills but who wants to sign-up for the "dealing with sickness" program, right? Nobody. Still, you're here and reading and THAT'S a good thing. I hope things get better for you soon. I believe they can! People heal from terrible things all the time, so that's encouraging, at least. Why not you, right? HEAL and then go fishing! Amen

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

@@agak9974 Been there / done that (at least to some extent) and I'm better now. Yay. Hope yours heals soon too!

the first note of your entry music always brings Red Hot Chili Peppers to mind

@usernameluis305

3 жыл бұрын

Is it a specific song, maybe zephyr?

@rachangel1951

3 жыл бұрын

@@usernameluis305 Don’t Forget Me

It's more like psychological immaturity- arrested emotional development. Almost all adults, me too, are children in adult bodies!

Every one of these videos is spot on for me. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and knowledge.

Dog immediately got up and left when talk began. 😅

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, Gus woke up and wondered, where else can I go for a nap? Dr. C

This was ny entire family, it was a family cultural thing. When I confronted a rude brother who continually picked on me for entertainment. Finally, I became tired of it and told him his offenses against me in a letter because I knew he would not allow me to speak if we were face to face. A couple weeks after sending the letter I called him to talk about it. He began the call by screening at me on the phone. He would not stop talking shouting to allow me to speak so I hang up on him because he would not allow me to talk. I decided at that point that he was not the least bit concerned about offending me so that would be the end of any chance for a relationship. After that our mother became ruder, the family as a whole shunned me or acted rudely when in their company. That was when I decided the whole family was a culture of rudeness, rather than being ashamed they were angry. So, I have no contact with them at all, I even allow their calls to go to voicemail without answering.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

Very difficult but the b4st choice for building a healthy life of contentment. All time you would have spent on the horrid family relationships can be spent on building relationships with healthy people in mutually supportive growth.

Good morning, Dr. Carter!

Wow... All that you describe is so true. Psychological laziness is very akin to Narcissistic PD would you agree..? It’s like another Narc. trait It drives me nuts..... “Stubborn donkey” alright - need to learn to let all these frustrations go. Thanks Dr. C.. Always Appreciated..😊

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, especially the covert narcissist. Dr. C

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrLesCarter thank you for this comment Dr. C, because I'm learning to identify the covert narcissist personality traits I need to respond to / navigate. I recognize the traits and don't want to pull on the donkey's rope.

Terrific video Dr C! I’ve viewed every video on your Surviving Narcissism channel and taking your two courses. You have definitely enlightened me on many things. In this video, I realized I was married to a 10! While he thought he was a 10 on most things, I think he is only a legitimate 10 out of 10 on this list! Such a sad waste of life to live so disconnected from truth and lacking motivation to improve.

@DrLesCarter

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Shari, and I hope the courses stimulate you too! Dr. C

Yeah, I have some of these. I DO NOT blame others for my deficiencies or get angry or make excuses, but I do have the lateness, lack of follow through, etc. I don't see it as laziness, however, though perhaps I'm kidding myself. It feels like extreme neuroticism. I get extremely anxious around many of the thing I'm supposed to do. Is that just a form of laziness? Maybe so.

I'm parked on sad right now. But I have to tell you single is no worse than being in a bad relationship at it's worst. I just kind of miss an everyday friend. The upside of single is I don't find myself arguing with anybody or feeling put down. I need to get out of this psychologically lazy State and stop feeling sorry for myself and stop hearing the criticisms from the past and find something new to do with my life.

This is probably how all therapists are taught to view clients that don't make any improvement in their lives.

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

A rather cynical view. Dr. C

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

So what do you believe the cause is that clients don’t make any improvements in their lives?

Sometimes making positive changes seem so insurmountable. Especially when it's a long term issue. Making excuses for your neglectful behavior just don't fly.

Dear Dr. Carter, thanks to you and a few other online counsellors, as well as my work with myself, and daily prayer with Quran and Help from our Great God I have not been depressed at all since May 21. With a minimum of medication!

Thanks again Dr. Carter. Here is my summary of your video: People with psychological laziness each day adopt for themselves a very limited perspective one which they believe will be most beneficial to themselves that day and maybe that day always only for their own future too which most of the time will be taking advantage of things like prevailing in their region racial biases or the prevailing racial bias among their immediate family and will be a perspective that sometimes when it is most convenient to them after doing some crime will just be readjusted by the psychological lazy person enough to have a good enough alibi in case anyone later asks what happened.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

Are you saying racial bias to sound smart? It has no place in this discussion.

Loved the donkey example! Let go of the rope!

I absolutely agree, thank you.

God forbid anyone in the sea of narcissists and psychopaths ever have anything worthwhile or actually important to say that might effect millions of people without ulterior motives save for the hope of minimizing suffering or possibility of increasing quality of life for people who cannot and will not speak for themselves because that could be a real headache in the form of xtra homework, right, slick?

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

I have no idea what you are talking about. Your tone sounds acidic. If you want to be understood then clarify.

@blackfordoblique1965

3 жыл бұрын

@@elsagrace3893 Same thing I been talking about for over a year now. Mr Carter cultivates and grooms not only survival skills but, as you may well know from the comments on his videos although many acids smell like cheese but I digress, also contempt and prejudice. And that might be alright if narcissism were the only thing desribed here. Tragically it is not. Mamy symptons and characteristics of narcissism apparently are very similar to and or mirror symptoms of schizophrenia. You should be able to glean what I am suggesting at this point. But imagine being afraid of danger that isnt real almost all the time and then noticing there is an army of 'innocent' survivors of narcissistic abuse who are learning to be prejudice against you for myriad false reasons because similarities desribed in a very popular mmedical series taught by a licsensed psychologist. This is not imaginary. It is not a vain attempt to seek validation or grab attention. It is real. This IS happening and schizos, who suffer delusions of persecution for no reason at all and enjoy a 10 year shorter life span on average, are the last people who deserve it. I have tried to confer privately with Dr. Carter but I haven't found a way. So far he does not seem to understand the point and I know he should know better. If he is real doctor and took the hippocratic oathe then he is sworn to reduce the suffering of all mankind inasfar as that is possible or somehingike that and not to harm any. The governing medical board who grants lscenses take that seriously and so do I. I want to believe Dr. Carter does too but he will need to make corrections amplications and teach more carefully so as not to bring about persecution on people inadvertently. In my experience I am not able to communicate this message to other people. Since you asked there it is. Now do you understand the origin of that strong corrosive tone you mentioned?

What if that person is your husband? Dr. Carter, you describe my husband except #3 that he is mostly calm and silence in his comfort zone. However, if I trigger it, he would go from 0 to 100 to anger and intimidation.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

What if he is your husband? Why did you choose that that husband? If you feel that you did not choose him as he is then why do you continue to choose and as your husband day after day?

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

What if he is your husband? Why did you choose that that husband? If you feel that you did not choose him as he is then why do you continue to choose and as your husband day after day?

Re: being psychologically lazy in reference to depression in TRAUMA SURVIVORS… it’s difficult enough to try to get help when you don’t even recognize your self care deficits. Add a 2 decade history of medications that 1) didn’t work, 2) did work but a tolerance developed 3) exasperated ‘professionals’ throw up their hands in frustration & state ‘you’ll have to be evaluated by a psychiatrist’ 4) asking said ‘professionals’ for a referrals/names/suggestions and being thrown under the bus by a response of ‘you’ll have to find one on your own’, 5) finding one but not aware that he is unscrupulous with medication (big pharma kickbacks) & he sleeps with his patients! 🤬 Who in their RIGHT MIND wants to go down that road again? Just saying…

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

Can't speak to all the serious stuff you wrote about, but I did enjoy your screen name "Hissy Fitz" and your cat pic. At least you're making others smile with that creativity.

@hissyfitz7890

3 жыл бұрын

@@painteroflove - TY! Laughter is the BEST medicine! Have a little 🐩 looks just like your picture; her biological brother was part human.

I didn't even know this was a psychological term but I was already using it to describe my ex!😆😂🤗

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

It's not in the textbooks so let's just call it a Carterism. Dr. C

Can you tell us what one can do if they're like that?

@18laila

3 жыл бұрын

@@momikal2238 well, you might want to consider the fact that some people have loved ones that make it hard to do what you're suggesting. I personally had my son in mind, he's been through a lot of trauma but he's only 13 still so it would have been helpful to make suggestions on how to assist those we love to not fully establish "psychological laziness" rather than dismissing them as beings incapable of change and therefore deserve to be abandoned.

@momikal2238

3 жыл бұрын

@@18laila, sorry I’m deleting my comment. I didn’t want to appear insensitive. I have a grown up relative that is as stubborn as can be. I hope you get the support and information for your family that you need.

@painteroflove

3 жыл бұрын

@@18laila Believe me, I haven't a clue, BUT I think that 13 year old's have a LOOONG way to go and a whole lot of them are pretty "selfish" because they're still so focused on themselves because they're kids. Obviously I don't speak for Dr. C (or anyone) but I didn't think he was talking about kids. STILL, it's a GREAT question you ask. How DO we best help our kids to model loving thoughtful behavior? I guess we preach it with our actions?

For these people, their problems are always someone else's fault!

Serious repetitive Depression and blamed wife. Sad life.

It is so sad, but there are many people who think they have it all figured out and think they do not need to put any work into building healthy relationships with other people. There is nothing you can do about it. We are in no position to control anybody.

Thanks for the advice it's refreshing to hear common sense ☺️

Wow this is amazing and l needed this today! Thanks Dr Les

@DrLesCarter

3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome! Dr. C

thank you for validating me!

You have described some family members - my husband ( clinically diagnosed as having schizoid traits & also very controlling, manipulative & passive aggressive ) , my sis in law ( diagnosed as psychotic & with Borderlines p.d., my mother & my brother & uncles etc. - all cluster B.

They warn others about their moods. Like a training in eggshell walking. Then they feel entitled to yell at you out of the blue for literally doing nothing to trigger their anger, or literally caring about them they snap at you to not dr phil them. They are crazy people, flaunting their mood disorders like warnings and better be careful warnings. Care is met with rage. There is no in, no other thing existing other than how bad they feel. Not a split second consideration from them on how others around them feel. Zip, zero. Like we exist to heed their moods. They control others by moods. Threaten with moods if we are not nice to them in ways we dont even understand what they want. They just want to yell at you. And hey since they warned you they go full blast with the I WARNED YOU. Gees. Leave them. Leave them even if it is a weeping suicidal rager, or one that rages out at you, for nothing at all. They are simply MAD.

My ex-stepfather is a narcissist with an anger problem. At one point, his employer ordered him to attend anger management classes. It was useless, though, since he doesn't think he has a problem. Not surprisingly, he was eventually fired from his job.

The lazy person definitely screams leave me alone so that’s what I do after I ask a few clarifying questions that helps me know that is really and truly what they mean. Not a friend that I want.

@Robidu1973

3 жыл бұрын

At the same time they are blaming _you_ for not interacting with them. Totally warped world view.

Some people cling to their depression and anxiety as a pillar of their identity 😏

I am only partway through this video and I am having a difficult time. You are describing those of us who are or have been DEEPLY buried by narcissistic abuse. I can say yes to having done all of those things. I have been in therapy for 8 1/2 years, and occasionally some of those behaviors will pop up again. I am going to finish the video to see if something is said in regard to narc abuse, but at 8:33 into it, I am feeling VERY guarded. If that changes I will edit this response. It didn't change, but I wanted to add that these behaviors (I haven't done #10) are what the narcs in my life have ACCUSED me of doing "ALL THE TIME." I can see how my behaviors can be viewed as such by others, BUT I "ALWAYS" take responsibility and I "NEVER" have the attitude that it's not worth my time or attention to change anything. And my therapist would attest to how hard I work to improve my mental health. The information is valid. I just think the delivery needs a little improvement.

@treesart6914

3 жыл бұрын

Edit: youtube's algorithm refuses to post my comment so I put stars in everything that I could think of was seen as off*nsive. I so agree with you! The way this is put is very judgemental. I think that that's the tone because we're supposed to assume that the video is an attempt to help vict*ms of narc*ssistic ab*se to realize that they have to let go of the ab*ser. But at the same time, many of these behaviors are found in people who are overwhelmed, possibly because they are v*ctims of ab*se. (Notice that saying this can be construed as laz*ness too, using this list, because I'm pointing at external causes and sound very defensive.) Even "being stuck in depr*ssion and/or anxi*ty" is mentioned as psych*logically l*zy. Well, many people are, for external reasons. Many of those do go to therapy, which makes them no longer l*zy according to the video, but I think that many are also stuck in therapy. In any case, it is the opposite of helpful to condemn those as psychologically l*zy for having arrived there and condemn their pointing at very real external causes. They aren't stuck for fun, you know. The video sounds like "t*ugh l*ve" for h*meless people: tell them they are where they are, and are stuck where they are, because they're l*zy. It disregards the reality of the difficulties people actually have, and puts the onus all on them. Like telling someone who's struggeling and exhausted: "If you give up, then that's lazy", not considering the fact that they are exhausted because of the struggle. Limping and giving up while running a marathon is not lazy; driving by in a car, calling the limping runner lazy, that's really lazy.

@sandyg3772

3 жыл бұрын

@@treesart6914 VERY well put! That's exactly what I was talking about. It sounds like the only way to NOT appear psychologically lazy is to accept the blame for everything, pretend you are doing fine, and go on with your "happy" life. If someone criticizes you for being late, don't mention the flat tire, or the traffic jam, just apologize and accept responsibility for your tardiness. And if they really attack your character, just smile and agree with them, and vow to improve. I have really appreciated all of Dr. C's videos - but this one - not so much. I hope the best for you in your recovery.

@elsagrace3893

3 жыл бұрын

😂 Sandy is looking for an excuse to not take responsibility for her behavior. Blaming it on trauma. Doesn’t matter, Sandy. You now are the only one responsible for your behavior. You didn’t deserve the trauma but you are the only one who can bring yourself into a state of health from it.

@bygrace2me

3 жыл бұрын

@@treesart6914 Love your analogy of limping and giving up while running a marathon, then someone driving by in a car calls the limping runner lazy. That's exactly how I feel after watching this video. I normally love all of Dr C's stuff, and have watched nearly every one of his videos. And I've been working my tail off for years in therapy, as my therapist would attest. But sometimes there just aren't solutions to certain problems. And accusing someone of being psychologically lazy when they run into those problems is careless and shortsighted. On the other hand, I suspect there's more gray area here on Dr C's side of it than what I'm seeing right now. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and hoping he means this list to apply only to those who aren't already working hard on their issues. I also think there's a tendency among all the KZreadrs (even the good ones like Dr C) who talk about narcissism to "other" abusive people, which makes it difficult to parse through videos like this one where it feels like I'm the one being "othered." I've seen a few KZreadrs in this area starting to really back off of using the term narcissism to describe people for this purpose, and focusing more on what healthy behaviors look like in order to draw everyone into that healthier living instead of "othering" people through the use of labels, whether that's "narcissist" or "psychologically lazy" or whatever. It's so easy to point fingers, until fingers start getting pointed at you (like what some of these commenters are doing in being so judgy of anyone who expresses disagreement with Dr C).

I describe them as lazy a lot.interesting.thankyou.

Lol...you have nailed most of my relations to a T.

I feel like I may be one of those individuals. Through therapy, I can identify and arrest it, but I am no where near where I want to be. Can you idenitfy a book or resource that I could read. I am in counseling. Honestly, I just feel physically tired all of the time. I work hard, make sure I get sleep, take vitamins and have been tested. Just to tired to have the energy to engage like I want to. A lot of time, I slug it out and do it anyway. I wear a mask that everything is okay. But, inside I'm not okay.

@sleeperno1215

3 жыл бұрын

@Mary Carroll, I know that I have no business eating sugar or processed foods because I have Crohn's Disease and it tears me up. So, your point is well taken. Can you give me a short rundown on what you eat instead. I do better on keto but it is gut wrenching to get into ketosis unless I am off and have no other commitments.

Oh, this is for me, personally.