narcissists and sociopaths have to always be correct. The fact you disagree with them implies you have access to knowledge and information that they do not. By simply disagreeing with them, you're accusing them of being ignorant. They work hard to create the illusion that they are above you, and you've just accused them of being below you.

@rg-mi5hh

3 жыл бұрын

@@Oceans780 They are just not worth being around. I avoid them like the plague.

@BobTheSchipperke

3 жыл бұрын

Want to make them spin? Say “each to their own”. ✊🏻

@Idontparticipate

3 жыл бұрын

Insightful

@wisconsinfarmer4742

3 жыл бұрын

that is good math.

@svharken6907

3 жыл бұрын

I think that megalomania is why they feel only they can be correct... because only they Exist... they dont have the normal empathy that allows normal people to sense another persons point of view. and you're right , disagreeing constantly, helps them deny reality and supports the illusion of their megalomania.

I’ve found that these types of critics are simply projecting their own faults.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Bingo! Dr. C

@krisztina442

3 жыл бұрын

@@agak9974 I can relate to that! This exhaustion is so typical when we have to interact with narcissists.

@svharken6907

3 жыл бұрын

projecting seems to be one of the top symptoms of narcissists. and the inverse of co opting the good things others do and are and claiming it for themselves. Reality never seems to get in there.

@scubasteve3032

3 жыл бұрын

@@agak9974 well put. I grew up in a family full of narcissists and the word “exhaustion” is on point. I felt like I was constantly drowning and generally broken when around them.

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

Yep. I noticed that too.

I say, “I prefer to focus on the positive”. Works every time.

@krisztina442

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this piece of practical advice, I'm going to use it! It seems to be good!

@user-jq8jy8ld4u

3 жыл бұрын

This is good but it could cause a narcissistic injury. So maybe you should be a bit prepared, I guess.

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

That may work at times.

@jingerk123

3 жыл бұрын

Ever heard of toxic positivity? This blanket statement could be dangerous. Use with caution.

@RoastedStudios1

3 жыл бұрын

Great advice Kelly

Awesome, I've also found, "I hear you," diffuses them. It doesn't say, "I agree," but it does deflect unwanted attacks.

@user-jq8jy8ld4u

3 жыл бұрын

Oh, yes. It may be shocking, perhaps nobody ever said that to them. So it might crush the pattern.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Another word I use is "seriously." Dr. C

@yime6631

3 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Seriously as in "Really?" Or is that becoming much too cliche? You Sir, are on your game! Cliche but still true!

@JoseRamirez-kp1ll

3 жыл бұрын

I used “I hear you” when the narc was arguing why I haven’t taken the vaccine, it worked. Unfortunately, the narc is still using the fear of covid to keep my daughter away from me.

@winkfinkerstien1957

3 жыл бұрын

I hear ya... 🙂

Doll I love your advice. Everything you say I agree with 100%. I survived an alcoholic abusive narcissist. For 25 years and I was crippled and couldn't run away or walk. I underwent a 20 hour back surgery and couldn't walk for a long time. Apparently I'm stronger than I know and I escaped him and divorced him. I win. Philadelphia USA

@lauriemarie6902

3 жыл бұрын

That's how I survived for 25 years I just said okay all right and I get less beatings

Respect for this powerful word OKAY. Honestly, I think this word doesn't only neutralize critics by the narc, but resolves possible issues in communication with the narc and the most important - OKAY could get us rid of the narc. Dr. Carter, thanks for this useful word - OKAY!

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Okay! Dr. C

@jessybeeckman375

3 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Okay, Gus thinks it too hehe

@1Chimonger

3 жыл бұрын

I dunno about ”Okay” as a word to shut them down. Because in too many instances, that could be understood as you being okay with whatever they just said……which could be very, very bad. I prefer a more neutral word, like “Oh.” Or even “Hmm.” That acknowledges you heard them but, it denies them any kind of reaction. They feed on reactions.

@jrod7017

2 жыл бұрын

@@1Chimonger You know your narc. best. Do what's best for your self preservation.

@ursulachirin1095

2 жыл бұрын

@@jrod7017 😂😂😂

You’re channel changed my life, even if I’m still struggling with malignant controlling people in my family. Thank you so much

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

You're most welcome. Dr. C

@petsforlife4581

3 жыл бұрын

I'm struggling with co parenting with a covert narcissist Whos teatching my son to disrespect me . This week he refused to go to school for three days. This man is making my life miserable

@cristi7814

3 жыл бұрын

@@petsforlife4581 same situation, they’re like damaged robots made is series

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

Do what you have to do to protect your joy, peace, and sanity. You don't owe them anything.

@yime6631

3 жыл бұрын

@@ladennayoung2939 Well said!😊

“Okay” = acknowledgement without necessarily agreeing.

@1Chimonger

3 жыл бұрын

Wrong. “Okay” is exactly agreeing with what the other one says. A more neutral way, is to say, “Oh.” Then, maybe, “I will onside that; thanks for your input.”

@GraeMatterz

2 жыл бұрын

@@1Chimonger Agreed. My narcissist would interpret OKAY as agreement as if I said 'yes', and then would use that implied agreement as future ammunition. I prefer 'whatever'.

@1Chimonger

2 жыл бұрын

@@GraeMatterz And THAT is why Not to use “OK” the single word response!! For taking with narcs, or crooks who want to try taking something from you covertly, (whole more often than not, are some amount of psycho- or sociopath or near)..I’d more likely use the word “maybe”. Then, say, “really, cannot say more, because my plans are not fixed yet”.

Thank you for helping so many. As an empath I never knew how to shield or disconnect from narcissistic people. God bless you sir 🙏❤️

Just say, "I can explain it to you but I cannot understand it for you", and run like hell!

"You are obviously ignorant of my many other faults or you'd have pointed out those as well."

@patriciastewart2537

3 жыл бұрын

😁

This helped because I worry a lot that I may have some narcissistic tendencies because of the victimization I experienced growing up. When Doc said healthy people don't sit around conspiring to show others their superiority I thought about that and was able to recognize that it is not in my nature to plot to appear superior. I am pretty much an ok type person and so I feel better!

I learned to flip the script: "why are you so insecure?" That shut it down.

@SRS4859

3 жыл бұрын

Well said. Letting them know that you are on to them, putting it back on their shoulders.

@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690

3 жыл бұрын

I do the same .. last time i saw mil i had her over. I switched the questions back at her example like how do you feel about the vaccine? What do you think of this new variation of covid ? This way i was letting her answer questions lolz

@Kelly-oe8kr

3 жыл бұрын

Isn't it funny how they love to talk about themselves UNTIL you turn it back on them and confront their abusive behaviour or their desperate need to make themselves look better at someone else's expenses.

@justlookalittledeeper9953

3 жыл бұрын

Flipping things has worked for me at times. Critical narky mother: "Ew, what's that on your shirt?" (an inoffensive design, and it's the first thing she says to me when I walk in the door).' Me: "Oh, you like that?" I would also pretend I didn't hear her right, because she only wanted a one-time zinger, not to repeat herself. Her: "I liked your hair the way it was before." Me: "Oh, you like it? Isn't it great? " (here, a simple OK would have worked just as well, thanks Dr. C). Her: "You look so tired." Me: "Well, I have so much energy, and I'm gonna need it, because I can only stay for an hour and I have so much to do when I get back home." Seeing the opportunity to fulfill my objective to cut it short. Her: You know if you wear your hair back like that, you'll go bald. Me: (squinting at her hairline and pointing) Is that what happened to you?"

@jackierobinson8785

3 жыл бұрын

I use to get pelted all the time by my mother with, what's wrong with you. And my answer now is what was done to me. Let's cut to the chase. What happened to you growing up shuts everyone up!

This 'okay' gave me peace, because now I know that my brother's 10 years old daughter will manage with her narcissistic parents, because I have seen and heard many times how she says just that answer to their emotional garbage. Thank you!

@GlitterC8k

3 жыл бұрын

Thats beautiful! It's nice that she has a relative that can help her cope with toxic attitudes ❤

@Idontparticipate

3 жыл бұрын

She herself is still definitely not ok though, even if she has the ability to stay calm and not engage, that reflex to be neutral isn't emotional maturity, it's a safety reflex and a sign of abuse. Please spend as much time as you possibly can with her, get her out of the house and give her somewhere safe to rest. We are our brother's keeper, don't be complicit.

@usernameluis305

3 жыл бұрын

You should try to spend time with her, let her know theres someone

@Betscu.

3 жыл бұрын

@@usernameluis305 I have and I will.

My father’s response was similar: “You’re probably right.”

@lance7973

3 жыл бұрын

That’s a good one. It just shuts them down by saying in so many words that you’re not interested in arguing.

When my narcs suggest I do something his way and I don't agree, I just say "okay" and still do it my way.

The goal must be neutralize our tendency to obey the narcs, feeling bad about their words, feeling the need to comply them or trying to discuss with them or giving explanations.

I listen to you and take notes. I read key points over everyday to ingrain responses and non-responses. You are a blessing.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

So pleased! Dr. C

This is really powerful and peaceful. The narcissist I am dealing with wants to share every opinion and criticism he can. Sometimes I go for thank you for your opinion. Or that’s very interesting. Any word that can’t be up for debate. Also remember no is a complete sentence.

I finally had to cut a close friend out of my life, we were friends for over 20 years but I was so sick and tired of the constant little digs. I thought why does this person even want to be friends with me, I obviously always fall short of what he sees acceptable. He wondered why I stopped talking to him and being around him but I never said anything, I just cut him out of my life, and I like it better that way

@jwhite5396

3 жыл бұрын

Doesn’t it feel great to cut the toxic person out of your life? Such a feeling of peace to just be done. I work with a woman who had a tummy tuck. She actually said to her friend of many years, “are you trying to stick your stomach out like that?” She thinks it’s okay to “tell the truth.” Her friend has been on antidepressants for years. I want to say something to her friend, but I’m not sure she even knows how she’s being treated is wrong.

@bradleysmith3963

3 жыл бұрын

Yes it feels great! And he’s not the only one, I’m at the point in my life where I’m like, who else wants some!?! Say something stupid!!😂 I have more good people in my life than I even have time for as it is, I sure don’t have time for negativity. I would have to have a talk with your friend, in a polite way, ask her how that made her feel, would she ask such a question like that to one of her friends? If it sounds inappropriate and you would never say something like that yourself than it’s probably not something that should be said and it’s hurtful. Those people gotta go!

@choosepeacetoday

2 жыл бұрын

Bradly: Yes, I get that too: those constant , sometimes subtle put downs. It gets old…

Here are THREE WORDS…Bless your LITTLE heart❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

That's 4, but who's counting? Dr. C

@montamiddleton9318

3 жыл бұрын

That's the southern way, or the way we were taught down here. Lol.

@goodmorningsundaymorning4533

2 жыл бұрын

Is that praise bad? Bcuz I say it in the most genuine heart filled way (minus the "little") and somebody told me it was an insult to say that!??!?! I'm confused.🤔

I already knew this one, figured it out through trial and error😅 good advice Dr C. It always throws people off when you agree when they expect you to argue.

I find saying “right” at the end of each sentence, and also the okay. Okay is also great as a response to an apology

I'd like to say that this video was helpful for me in many ways. Firstly, it helps me with my hyper critical brother. I am already working with my therapist on this and she gave similar advice. Critics will be critical. Secondly, it made me take a deep look at my own propensity to criticize. I come from a very critical family and so I have a lot of negative behaviors from that environment. This video reminded me that when I do find myself being critical, it is almost always because I feel insecure about something. This tells me that I have more work to do on myself. Like you said, we are all a work in progress. I welcome change when it is positive. Thanks again ❤❤

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

I love your honesty. Personally, when I feel overly inclined to criticize, I begin looking for a reason to say something pleasant. If for no one else but for myself. Dr. C

@choosepeacetoday

2 жыл бұрын

Courtney: Yes , this whole narcissist nightmare has caused me to look at my behaviors too. I think that is part of healing and getting healthy.

Rational reasoning unfortunately doesn't work with most toxic people.. walk away, stand your ground. Sometimes saying nothing, says everything.. no disrespect..PEACE LOVE..

I read somewhere else that ‘whatever’ is a good response but in this context I think it means the same as ‘okay’.

Thank you! By simply acknowledging their position it puts me in a rwspectful neutral zone.

Thanks Dr C, another great video. What a great mindset 'OK' .... takes the struggle out of it all. 💜

Thank you, Dr. Carter! Your dog is so cute. 🐶

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

I'm rather fond of Gus. Dr. C

Than you for all your videos. They have helped me so much. There should be relationship classes in every school. Might help to avoid a lot of pain for a lot of men and women.

I have found that simply leaving the room is the best way to communicate with a narcissist as there is no response that can empower them and lead to argument or ego engagement. Any verbal response is a form of engagement, which is the opposite of what I would want to do with a narcissist, so leaving the room works best, for me.

The most important part of this video is the end. Live a life of character and integrity. We all make mistakes, we all struggle, but in the end if you are focusing on living a life of integrity and seeking wholeness within yourself and not blaming others, it’s been a good day week month or year!

@eloisem3214

3 жыл бұрын

YAYYYYY 🤸‍♀️

I noticed that some narcissist will always interrupt you when you are speaking. Even if it is a conversation between yourself and another individual. I assume it's because they hate to not be the center of attention, and they literally have to make everything about them. It's quite annoying to say the least. Someone could be asking you a question, but they will respond as if someone is talking to them. Before you can even get a word out. Again they are miserable people that don't have a life. And they hate to see anyone have any kind of peace or joy within themselves. It is sad really.

@marcirobins5144

3 жыл бұрын

They love to ask and answer their own questions, and those of everybody else around them! lol They are the center of their universe. I have used hand signals, (hand up) and going to the extreme have said that I want to hear what the other person is saying.

@elishacanny8793

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, my birth giver is a Narcissist she would talk over people, interupt and even answer on others behalf. I have removed myself from that relationship.

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

@@marcirobins5144 ❤️❤️❤️

@Lyrielonwind

3 жыл бұрын

They love asking questions like "where did you spend your holidays? To turn their back right when you are answering it.

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

@@elishacanny8793 YES. That is who I was talking about. Lord I had got really sick in June, and I needed to be hospitalized twice in July. She came up in June to supposedly be there with my son while I was in the hospital, or help with other things that I may need. But she really got on my nerves. She was doing all of what I listed above and more driving me crazy. As a norm she live by herself. She didn't have anymore children but me, and she's not in a relationship due to her own way of thinking and being mostly. But of course she will not admit that. Prior to me getting sick, I didn't converse with her often. And when I did, it was mostly only through text message. Her toxic way of communication was very irritating to me. Here lately she have been saying, I'm just stating facts. Smh.

Okay. I'm completely neutral. Not gonna play your toxic games. Great one dr les!!!

Your such a blessing Dr. C. I always wonder how much better the world would be if more people especially parents thought, behaved and taught the way you do. I've learned so much from this channel. 🙂💞💨💨💨

I always take a deep breath and then say Yes!!! Some of them take it as a compliment. And others get really pissed off. But either way I win.

@northstar5919

3 жыл бұрын

Be careful😁

My teen does this to me lol its effective. Its her being assertive sideways. Its a calm boundary!

They never pass on an opportunity to put you down and point out your flaws. But they totally overlook any accomplishments. Funny that!

This OKAY strategy is definitely good. In my experience it has caused the narcissists to become agitated,even angry and accuse me of being competitive with them. Once that happens I say OKAY again and disengage (don’t talk) . It infuriates them but it does disable them. Thank you Dr Carter for effective advise.

I’ve started using this “ok approach” & it brings me an immediate sense of calm, peace and order when dealing with a narc. Ok truly works for me & stops me from going into a conflict cycle with a narc. I can’t thank you enough Dr C for sharing such valuable advice...Bless You 🙏🏽

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased, Sonya! Dr. C

I know a narc that criticizes "Ad Nausium." Unfortunately, out of all the men out there, I married him! I was sitting at the dinner table last night, I asked him to do something tiny. He made me the issue. Called me all sorts of names. Like a teenager he made comments implicating me. I walked out of the room. One cannot imagine the condescention, the mean spirited approach, the criticality that is Non-Stop towards me. I am inclined to pack my things up & leave asap. I can't even be around him anymore. He is so angry all the time. It's not my task after 10 years to resolve his anger.

@tammyfennell4982

3 жыл бұрын

Devise a plan and set yourself free.❤ Find things you love to do and seek people who see value in you and treat you with respect. Love yourself. Being alone is even better than being poorly accompanied and taken for granted.🌻🦋

@joannajohnson696

3 жыл бұрын

@@tammyfennell4982 thank u

@tammyfennell4982

3 жыл бұрын

@@joannajohnson696 You're welcome.🌻

@lynnehaeberle5641

3 жыл бұрын

I was in the same boat for 36 years. Don’t waste your life like I did by thinking you can change them. It caused so much damage that now I cannot have another relationship. The earlier you are out, the more time you will have to find someone else that might appreciate you. Now, I am too old....

@ladyhawthorne1

2 жыл бұрын

Johanna Johannsen, I put up with that for 2 years when I was finally able to leave. Go with your gut and leave. Save yourself!

Great advice.. works every time.. "Okay.. whatever"

'is that so?' is a response I've been adapting as of late. interrupts their program. it's more likely to cause them to go within and consciously think. at least that's the attempt. 🙏

@panoplia5167

3 жыл бұрын

Love that! Peace and Grace be with You

@Kelly-oe8kr

3 жыл бұрын

I use that too!

I do have a friend who's a chronic critic and with this video I believe this is the best approach to neutralise them. Thank you.

Love this Dr & his cool Dog. 🐕🦮🐕‍🦺

Thank you Doc, I draw so much comfort from this video and listen to it several times a week. Everything is OK, Everything is going to be OK, It is OK, It will be OK, I am OK, I will be OK. For me.... OK is quite the goal, quite the comfort as I grow into my new distinctive self. which is certainly.....OK

Dr. Carter your videos are so good. At the end of the day, the challenge really is how I deal with it whatever it is. I can stop asking why and start working on my views and attitudes and behaviors. Thank you for keeping me pointed in the right direction.

It works! I always say "You Right!" But i put a lot of soul in my voice so they feel my anger but im smiling

@wraymcclamma4707

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-yb6wm9dc5i What kind of internal language patterns could one use in a conflict with a narcissist? Like a mantra or affirmation to relieve stress.

@destewart2288

3 жыл бұрын

My ex hated that and would say “there is no right or wrong!” 🤣. “It’s a dualilty!” I am so grateful I have this man a short season of my life. My self awakening moment was when he was hollering on the phone about something minor and my mind drifted to the thought of what if I died in this moment. This would be my last convo!? I hung up on him. Sure I had to change my number and delete my social accounts but I am freeeeee.

@wraymcclamma4707

3 жыл бұрын

@@destewart2288 Good for you! I hope you're new relationships haven't been tainted by him or your emotional trauma

Thank you, Dr Carter. I accept the OKAY response to criticism because it’s not defensive nor offensive but it neutralizes the critical.

Dr. Cater this advice is awesome. I love the way you put it all together. And yes in our minds we know how predictable they are. We know when they say things we already know how their minds work. Its all about them and their ignorance. Thank you!

LOL, “I’m not going to stand around and shake in my boots either”😂😂😂 So funny.

Thank you for your time and effort with this video. I appreciate your education!

Thank you for this piece of advice, I hope it's going to help! The point is that we should not engage in the narcissist's downward spiral. I know it's useful, I've tried to avoid such conversations with a family member who loves criticizing me each and every time because of my hobby. I love animals in general, at the moment I have cats and she takes every chance to emphasize using a special intonation: " I DO NOT like cats... I just love dogs..." So: "Okay!" (But anyway who asked her opinion?...)

@ronaldmcdonald3965

3 жыл бұрын

Pretty bizarre when they interject their opinion, when not asked.

@GlitterC8k

3 жыл бұрын

Not liking cats is a red flag imo 🚩it means they don't like animals/people that have boundaries. They like that dogs automatically love you no matter what. With cats, you have to work for it. Too much for a narcissist to handle 😹

@krisztina442

3 жыл бұрын

@@GlitterC8k I feel it's true. I've never understood when so-called animal lovers distinguish and choose between animal species. So do they feed dogs and then do they kick and chase away stray cats? How awful! But of course, they have the right to feel tbat way, it just makes me feel that something doesn't add up and these people are not authentic.

@montamiddleton9318

3 жыл бұрын

@@GlitterC8k I've never thought of it that way. But it is true. Except when the narcs dog likes you more than them. Then what? Get them a cat?

@MegaPerson012345

3 жыл бұрын

Lol that makes sense. Good point

These are always great videos. I wish that they'd been around back in the day when in the workplace, I could have used them. Being a bit older than several other co-workers, they seriously had spelling issues. One in particular called me an "over achiever" because I marked an envelope for a client as "Personal Business" in my own handwriting. She asked me what the word business meant. "What? It's medical information for the client." She told me how to spell business. Oh! New word! Bissinus. OKAY : / I so wish that wasn't a true story, but it came to mind when I heard Dr. C speaking to issues such as this. From there on in my work place, I never allowed anyone to see my "out box" on my desk to snoop through while I was on break. These were young people who had little life experience not to mention education, and I did try to understand that we all live and learn. But it got to the point to where I DID SAY : OKAY, you may do this better. I put in my resignation seven months later and haven't looked back since. Thanks Dr. C. Hello Gus!!

@AimeeL73

3 жыл бұрын

Ohmygosh that is too funny! I hope you can laugh at that now lol

@northstar5919

3 жыл бұрын

She meant bussy nose😁

Hey doctor. I've saved a lot of your videos in my Watch Later list and have been watching them all. I was very curious to know what that word is that neutralises a critic. And, the moment you said 'Okay', I bursted out laughing. I can't believe how simple it was to handle them. You're right. In my mind, I used to say, "Okay". However, I feared that it would lead into an argument. But, now I see that I can simply keep saying 'Okay' out loud 😄. Thank you so much for healing the whole world.

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 күн бұрын

Thanks for this good feedback, Anish. I'm glad to accompany you on the journey!!

So true... being the big fish in the small pond inside their head!

Wow, thank you for this!!!!

This is my whole family. "Ok" works well & also helps expose other people who try to sneak in with their controlling behavior through how they respond

Hi Gus! He is the quintessential picture of relaxation! As far as dealing with narcissistic people, they will try to get their way no matter what. So when they degrade you and demean you, might as well just agree and tell them “Okay”. They won’t get it anyway!

Such wonderful advice so clearly explained, thanks for this video Dr C.

Thankfully, my children understand this, when I had to walk away to get help. Misunderstandings can be fixed, thank you so much. We're good now though, got a hug from my girl yesterday. 🐺❤✌

OMG.... My mother is the most negative person EVER! And I can deal with her, but I hate it that she's doing it to my 10-year-old to where I had to tell her a couple of days ago that I won't stand for ANY criticism of my son.

@RoyalMetal9

3 жыл бұрын

“The most negative person EVER” You need to think about why you even have your son around your mother at all. You’re willingly exposing him to a person you know is abusive.

“Ok.” By the way the word OK doesn’t mean I agree with them, or that I will do what they want. Due to what I’ve gone through in my life I didn’t always respond assertively, but in the past 10 years I absolutely do. Another word I tend to be ready to respond with is “interesting”. I might use the word OK this week since I’m returning to working with people after 1.5 years two and don’t want to return to some toxic people (I was always at the office, they were not). Good topic, Dr C!

OKAY works wonders. I have a malignant narcissist hanging over my head and I was scared to use it today but I did because she was forcing me to engage. It worked! she accused me of being too far gone and called me disgusting a few times and that was it. Thank you so much!

God bless you, Dr. Carter. ⚘

Loved this video! Informative and witty - made me smile! Thank you once again!

You're amazing. Thank you for such positive and calm energy.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're quite welcome, Julie. Dr. C

Hey Les...."ok," I really like that answer and idea, I'll try that, thanks! 👍🤗🇺🇸

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

It's a mindset. Dr. C

I was raised by a father who probably was a psychopath. The standards up to which he expected me to perform ever since my early childhood were inhumane. And the punishments for the failures as well. Nothing was good enough. And guess what, I became a perfectionist with a very harsh inner critic. That inner critic not only points out my shortcomings constantly but those of others as well. So, due to the psychopathic abuse, I became the kind of criticizing-everything person described in this video. As I can't turn the inner critic off, in order to at least cut down on its constancy, I've stopped having any relationships at all. I don't like to be criticizing. But even if I struggled to keep my mouth shut, the way nothing is good enough... keeps being pointed out within me. And to a perfectionist, others seeem to be failing even more than the perfectionist themselves. 'Cause under the threat of punishment they've been conditioned to pursue extremely high standards with everything they do - unlike normal people.

@northstar5919

3 жыл бұрын

Try to find healing for that. We all need to relearn wrong things that we were taught. Nobody is perfect.

I thought it was “whatever”. But you can put the two together: “ok, whatever”.

@Jessica-zf2df

3 жыл бұрын

Whatever has become a bit cliche. I think ok is perfect on its own.

God values all people. No one is beneath or above anyone period.

My response is similar to the difficult people in my life. I respond with, "I see". The "okay" response has been viewed as my agreement with the inappropriate accusations. "I see" shows acknowledgement but not agreement. It keeps me out of the narssists web most of the time.

@suicidalthotss

2 жыл бұрын

Good ones!

“Happy or healthy individuals feel very little need to put people in their place with insults or condescension and humiliation.”

You can think, “ one of us has a problem, and it’s not me! “ Hold onto that strength.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

I'll go along with that! Dr. C

Another one is “you could be right”. Look at the response on there face 😂

@katalynbabe

3 жыл бұрын

Perfect

Thank you! This is the great video! Your in my prayers God love you all.

You are such a nice man. Your soo kind and friendly you are a natural!. I have enjoyed your pod casts Thank you! From Ireland !☘

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Deirdre. Glad to be with you on the Emerald Isle! Dr. C

Love your channel. Okay is a great tool! I’ve just started dating after divorce and oh Wow! This last election and pandemic really divided people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve have to say okay or yeah that makes sense… I’ve cut off 2 different relationships over the inability to just chill and get to know each other. They were obsessed with wanting to talk about the same two topics. Clearly they right for me.

Now thats just what i needed to hear trying to deal with people that call you dumb and stupid because u have mind of your own is draining

I can think of two words and a hand gesture I like to use with them but they're probably not appropriate to say here. The second one is YOU. 😆

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Let me guess…hmmmm. Dr. C

@Kelly-oe8kr

3 жыл бұрын

Chelle, I like the way you think but if we had that attitude we wouldn't be mixed up with the souless creatures to start with.

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

I think them knowing they made you angry give them fuel. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

@chelleb3055

3 жыл бұрын

@@Kelly-oe8kr Unless you were born into a clan of them like I was. From an early age I stood up for myself (I was the youngest) against their narcissistic abuse and paid dearly for it. Now I'm the black sheep and happy to be voluntarily "excommunicated" from most of them.

as a child it is very difficult to be able to respond like this.....I just shouted back in lack of other adults who protested

I guess it's: "Okay."

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Ding, ding, ding. Dr. C

@ellik1817

3 жыл бұрын

Won’t be able to watch this live, as I will be sleeping - but I reckon “Whatever”!! sounds pretty close. Thanks Dr.C💛

Thank You, this one was realy good. I will use it😇

Oh my gosh Dr. C!!! My psychopath mum used to drive me crazy she could never SHUT UP while a movie or TV show was on. It really used to make her mad when I always solved the Wheel of fortune puzzles before her!! When I LET HER SAY IT FIRST she was so proud of herself!! Like she BEAT ME!! I get it.. they have to WIN!! It's pathetic!!

💯... while saying "okay" in my mind & just trying to ignore & go about my own way, that would infuriate dad because he always wanted all to stop in our tracks & have him waste hours of our days. He died last July & beasts in him went into mom. She's "miss betty" now & ✂️ me out of her life forcing me to realize the 49 years that I wasted. What you are saying, I've been told while sitting in an office being counciled. I wish that I had actually listened all those years ago. For some sick reason, I thought that I could fix her life that he destroyed. She was his diamond 💎 that he crushed into dust before he dropped dead. 🤢 I believe my TRUE FATHER gave her that dementia on the left side to help her live with his abuse because she would never leave the god that she served by planting her cross to serve him. 🤲😥 I am educated now. I've been in my motorhome & away from that 5 acres for 6 months now & in a big town in southeast Texas that's hit hard with this new bug going around. 🤢I can't stomach getting out into the world right now. I came from the country, a place that felt safe with all this death & darkness around me. It's like 2 plandemics. The one my dieing alcoholic narcissistic abusive dad planned for his exit by having the last word by leaving no will & nothing for his codependent wife to survive & throwing her on my shoulders to bare. Then this plandemic that has me afraid of getting that will prove that I was never meant to build a happy life that I have never in my life known. Anyways, I apologize for saying too much.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

No apology needed, Thanks for sharing this, DyAnna. Dr. C

@joytotheworld6804

3 жыл бұрын

Oh crikey, that's terrible, I hope you can feel safe very soon. You definitely are meant to have a life of your own, and I totally understand that feeling, one step at a time, go slow and take very good care of you. Prayers for you

@user-zy8gk2nn7d

3 жыл бұрын

God will restore eveything you lost in yoiur life. Do not give up - let God work through you and you will find your way

@goodmorningsundaymorning4533

2 жыл бұрын

PLandemic is right.

Thank you Dr Carter , easy to do next time, that wil give me pease !

☀️🍃”This is brilliant, thank you!”

Best video ever 😆😆😆😍👍OK !!! That is exactly how I handle my neighbor .. she always right , always willing/ desiring to fuss ..! Lol 😂 She is 70 , I am 60 .. I knew she was crazy when she told me follower her !!! I was screaming laughing inside ..where we both going but to the graveyard!! Lol 😂

Sometimes I watch videos like this and I think to myself how nice it would be to be abe to shut someone down by standing up to them, or just saying "okay." That they won't turn around and throw your stuff away, or tell lies about you to other people, or basically destroy your life. How nice it must be, to have someone who isn't perseverant, who lets go of things, who moves on. My mother threw away 100+ year old family heirlooms because "I left her" for a few months to go to school. She rearranged my room. She once dated a widower; she threw out his late wife's items with no warning, because they were "old." She rearranged an entire cabinet of his favorite things that had been put that way by his late wife. Where is the advice to deal with people on the razor's edge of committing actual crimes (things that would BE crimes if they weren't related to us)? Why are 50 people told to change their behavior for the ONE person who is a problem??

@louk6196

3 жыл бұрын

That throwing away or breaking your favourite or sentimental things is definitely characteristic of a Narcopath but not one I see mentioned very often. We have no choice but to say “okay” after the fact, for our own peace of mind. There is no discussion with a demon.

@lissacablerware8475

3 жыл бұрын

Many psychologists expect the victim to be the one to continuously change to dance to the tune of the conflicted mind. I often feel like a contortionist.

@eurokay4755

3 жыл бұрын

If she doesn't actually own those things she's destroying or discarding, she is committing a crime. The problem sounds like the victim(s) wouldn't be willing to file a complaint, much less testify at trial if that became necessary. That's the real problem: she's got everyone trained to enable her behavior. Her head will explode the first time someone in that circle simply says, "I'm sorry, there must be some kind of misunderstanding if I've led you to believe I would agree with that/find that funny/go there/do that/accept that behavior." You may have to leave the gathering, file a theft report, or whatever would remedy the immediate situation, but she'll definitely get the message. But if you wouldn't tolerate the behavior from a neighbor or co-worker, there's no reason to tolerate it from her. You just have to be willing to live with the idea that you'll be persona non grata in "her house", possibly long-term. It might actually be a relief, even if it seems scary at first. I've been there (with escalating verbal and emotional abuse from my mother but not theft). It's not fun at all, but it's definitely worth it.

@DrogoBaggins987

3 жыл бұрын

@JusticeForNichole That sounds like some of the things that my family would do. All your words are twisted and when you get tired of it your silence is twisted. You try to talk to one person and flying monkeys come at you from all the other directions. You make a little joke and they blow up with anger. You say something dead serious and they laugh hysterically. That whole disrespect of the victims property and lying about you to other people are domination tactics. I don't thing that there is any way to deal with people like that. I finally just had enough and realized that there wasn't any difference between them yelling at me and cutting me down or saying they loved me. We have to realize that it's just noise and walk away. Everyone in my family took sides against me or was poisoned against me and so were all family friends. Walking away was the best thing I've ever done in my life. This okay thing might work for a problem person at work but won't do anything with someone like you describe. Those 50 people who change for the one problem person are losers and it's better to call poison poison and get rid of what you have to in order to survive like cutting out gangrenous tissue. Best of luck to you.

@JusticeForNicholeAlloway

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrogoBaggins987 God bless. I am working on getting away for good this time.

This has given me so much hope seing that I'm co parenting with a covert narcissist thank you so much

Okay is the casual version of what I use when things heat up: duly noted. As another here mentioned… I hear you… is another neutral response.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

You get it. Dr. C

Dr. Carter thank you for this video!

Thank you, Dr. Carter! I will return back home to my narcissist husband after 6 weeks of vacations (without him - oh how wonderful times) and I am facing a lot of OKAYS….!

@montamiddleton9318

3 жыл бұрын

Good luck. Your husband may have missed you so much he turned over a new less critical leaf. 😊

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Okay...but I want you to be okay!! Dr. C

I just saw a tee shirt that said..."A wise man once said... Nothing"🕊️

@northstar5919

3 жыл бұрын

😃

Narcissists hate to be laughed at. On instagram you could just give them 😂 They’ll be gone!

@user-jq8jy8ld4u

3 жыл бұрын

Or thumbs up

@MegaPerson012345

3 жыл бұрын

This is true. I laugh emoji at my father in law when he was trying to discredit me. Oh boy did the mask fall.

I’ve done that. I’ve been horrible to people based on me being trapped in a loveless relationship. I’ve reacted horribly. I’m the issue. I couldn’t heal. I have rage, sinned because of it. I feel horrible, just so angry, the cycle is done. I’m very sorry, my pain was dumped on others instead of me dealing with it. I need to be alone to heal. I won’t bother him again. I attacked. I felt betrayed. I loved him, he made his choices, I made mine, I wasn’t like this before. I’m not dating or looking. I need to heal.

@mikemccarthy1638

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for telling your story. You’ve given me a new perspective - not ‘cause & effect’, but ‘cause and having choices on how to respond.

Okay!! I like that short and potent response!! I think Gus did too.

Thank you , Dr. Carter! I wish I had known this when I was with my ex. My narc thought he was the smartest and most logical person in any situation. In his mind, any difference of opinion was viewed as a challenge to his authority, knowledge, thought process etc. or viewed as disloyal because he was never to be questioned, just obeyed. (if you are not with me, you are against me) Either scenario was met with the usual narc responses.

When I would say "okay" my mom would get even angrier and yell, "IT'S NOT OKAY!" So uh. No.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

It's a mindset. Dr. C

I totally agree with the sentiment, though saying okay is unfortunately a trigger for some and escalates the abuse, just because they get more infuriated that they aren’t getting the fight they’re looking for. The ability to see this for the projection it is and having that internal way to keep your balance is really helpful to build the power to leave.