Steven Seagal knows Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and at least 20 other dangerous words.

@caydenbluwe1543

2 жыл бұрын

You made my fucking day thanks man

@aaronp9835

2 жыл бұрын

Stolen

@tobydanger86

2 жыл бұрын

Either you copying and pasting this or you stole this. I see this on every video about Steven Segal.

@slowmotionfirefight9219

2 жыл бұрын

I never claimed to have made this myself. I saw it ages ago, it made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it here. Sorry to dissapoint.

@MUFC1933

2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha

I met Steven Seagal once and he told me it was the best experience of my life

@jcdezmen

2 жыл бұрын

LMFAOOOOOOO

@MrShaolinaspirant

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@jortiz1451

2 жыл бұрын

😂

@marumarusensei1

2 жыл бұрын

I was with him and he was a real Budoka.

@haachitingandu3874

2 жыл бұрын

😆 🤣 😂

I could listen to this guy dunk on Seagal all day.

@DSAK55

Жыл бұрын

Seagal has been a Russian citizen for 7 years

@LALO325TX

9 ай бұрын

Tom can't dunk. Just search "Tom Segura basketball" for proof.

@Light-Eater

8 ай бұрын

@@DSAK55 and that's another good reason to dunk on him.

@andriylassowsky9779

8 ай бұрын

@@Light-Eateryup. That and he’s basically putin’s little b!tch…

@stephenphillips6245

4 ай бұрын

I seen this 3 times already...never gets old... LoL

Seagal is literally the funniest guy of all-time without trying whatsoever.

@iamskippy

11 ай бұрын

He’s like *anyone* who can’t laugh at themselves …but says they love comedy. 👤 So a white guy and _(lists 10 offensive stereotypes)_ go out to eat… 🥋🗯️ _That’s TOTALLY how they are❗️_ 👤🗯️ And they run into this fat guy … who looks like modern day Steven Seagal! 🥋🗯️ Get your stuff, we’re leaving. _This guy isn’t funny…._ *He’s offensive.* I’ll call my fellow officers and a gang of Asians and we’ll see if he ever tells that joke again.

@innateloopy279

8 ай бұрын

Yeah he is a legend lol. cracks me 🆙

@rylanpape285

7 ай бұрын

Besides Mike Tyson.

@chimneygeorge

3 ай бұрын

​@@innateloopy279in his own mind

The last Steven Seagal movie I saw was an in-flight movie, and people still walked out.

@OEFarredondo

Жыл бұрын

ahahahahaha

@draintheswamp1588

Жыл бұрын

DavidGX, I hope you give permission for Tom Segura to use your joke because it's hilarious and funnier than anything Tom just said. Thank you for the laugh.

@Tommyoda

Жыл бұрын

ok that's fu 💀

@christopherpoplarchik2802

Жыл бұрын

😅

@gabbyhyman1246

Жыл бұрын

Brilliant!!!!

Seagal is an expert in so many things because he was born at such a young age.

@F.S92

Жыл бұрын

Underrated comment!!

@thestarseeker8196

Жыл бұрын

You can tell because of the way it is

@zatoichi4449

Жыл бұрын

OMG, my grandfather used to tell that joke, but it's still funny.

@todddurante8553

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@robjohnston1433

Жыл бұрын

​@@zatoichi4449 My Dad too!!!

I love how Tom's impression of Steven Seagal's broken Spanish translated is: "Hello, a lot of cheese" LMFAO 🤣😂😂😂😂

@donguapo7862

Жыл бұрын

I think my English is better than your Spanish... No gracias 🤣🤣🤣

@nigelft

Жыл бұрын

Well, to be honest, Seagull does look like a great big ball of fermented cheese ...

@ILoveWeapons

Жыл бұрын

@@nigelft LMAO

@DSAK55

Жыл бұрын

Segura grew up speaking Spanish and spent his summers in Lima, Peru

@donguapo7862

Жыл бұрын

@@DSAK55 yeah but Segal hasn't

Steven is the best actor since the 1880s. He literally never stops acting. Acting like he knows martial arts, directing, geopolitical situations, music and so much more. Seagal just can’t lose or die, or stand up. What an exceptional man.

@robroy6374

9 ай бұрын

Steven was born in 1812.

@fajaradi1223

8 ай бұрын

​@@robroy6374 So he was old enough to fought the civil war?

@robroy6374

8 ай бұрын

yes.@@fajaradi1223

@____Carnage____

8 ай бұрын

@@fajaradi1223 obviously, he got into a fist fight with Robert E Lee himself

@masonictrucker8031

7 ай бұрын

He’s a 7th Dan black belt in Aikido confirmed by the Aikikai honbu dojo headquarters Japan 🇯🇵

Tom Segura is one of the best story tellers of all time. I should know, I’ve been listening to stories for 73 years.

@Tommyoda

Жыл бұрын

lol

@Ule504

Жыл бұрын

😂

@cheebee9684

Жыл бұрын

underrated comment lmaoooo

@alivegas1012

Жыл бұрын

😅😅😅

@sleuthentertainment5872

Жыл бұрын

I've been watching this comment for 127 years

I can confirm everything he said is accurate. I've been on the internet for 34 years

@DeMonotheist

2 жыл бұрын

No life.

@adamhawkins3036

2 жыл бұрын

Im black belt in ta co bell

@danaplugaru2340

2 жыл бұрын

🤣

@adamhawkins3036

2 жыл бұрын

@@danaplugaru2340 😎

@ardeleanion4435

2 жыл бұрын

You had internet back in '88 ?

You know what's crazier? He made movies that people people paid to watch where he fights while sitting down. The guy is a genius.

@colbymasvidal2397

Жыл бұрын

TBF his 3 first movies in the 90's was bad ass - but all the crap after that was weak😂👌

@vipr1142

Жыл бұрын

@@colbymasvidal2397 Nä, jättedåliga!

@starvingbuddha7622

Жыл бұрын

He does the same with guitar

@Splatteringram

11 ай бұрын

That’s two many people

@demonbre

10 ай бұрын

Space Ice has joined the chat.

5:26 "If somebody throws a punch just block it like that" No lie I lost FULL CONTROL of my octaves and facial muscles at that point!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

I honestly could listen to him talk about Steven Segal for an hour.

@Neenerella333

2 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/dK59qtt_Z7i9iZc.html

@jareddinwiddie2332

2 жыл бұрын

It felt like a hour.

@sacramentocheesehog9195

2 жыл бұрын

If you like this watch jontron ep on Steven segal

@lukefisher8417

2 жыл бұрын

@@sacramentocheesehog9195 was going to tell him the same thing lol

@sacramentocheesehog9195

2 жыл бұрын

@@lukefisher8417 you’re a man of substance :)

Steven can't help being an expert, he's been an expert for 87 years.

@andytay5507

Жыл бұрын

glad SOMEONE caught the big punchline. it wasn't racist, He can't help bowing!😉

@taylordavison6849

Жыл бұрын

I know it's a joke, but he's 70. Unless he was doing shit as a sperm cell or some shit, he's the biggest bullshitter.

@ptolemeeselenion1542

Жыл бұрын

@@andytay5507 🤣🤣🤣

@gbxgbxgbx

Жыл бұрын

now he's a russian war expert XD

@Simp_Zone

Жыл бұрын

@@gbxgbxgbx "My father was russian mongol so I'm a russian mongol"

That last throat kick was EPIC!😂😂😂😂

@brianheidel4550

2 күн бұрын

even if he was kicking child, the child would have to be laying down.

I totally burst out laughing with the "Hola... Mucho queso..." bit. Brilliant!

@ckinahan1

Ай бұрын

No, gracias... 😂 I'm dead rn!!!! 🤣😁😂

When I met Steven Seagul, he already knew me for like 37 years

@JANvanX

Жыл бұрын

Oooo, not funny How sad

@tromboneman4517

Жыл бұрын

@@JANvanX, way funnier than you though.

@georgegraham9822

Жыл бұрын

@@JANvanX has been a tool for like 20,000 years

@MesaAufenhand

Жыл бұрын

How old are you?

@mew10521

Жыл бұрын

Ha ha

The fact that Anderson Silva calls Steven Seagal his sensei and Seagal has 100% bought into it for over 10 years without being in on the joke whatsoever tells you everything you need to know about Steven Seagal.

@alexandrahopkinson1748

Жыл бұрын

Not everything

@wipemysmile

Жыл бұрын

@@alexandrahopkinson1748 lol yeah people need to know about him shitting himself too

@hoondaily270

Жыл бұрын

This isn’t very true, it’s well known in mma that he was paying Silva to be apart of his camp it was was 1 camp he’s been to a few other fights since. There is a old interview on Anderson talking about him paying to be apart of the camp.

@Antek_S

Жыл бұрын

Seagal taught Silva that front kick 😂

@ptolemeeselenion1542

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣

😂 the last Steven seagal movie I saw he literally did the whole movie sitting down 🤦‍♂️ including the fight scenes 😂

@TiocfaidhArLa34

6 ай бұрын

somebody made a spoof steven seagal movie where they used cgi to add him in. in all the fight scenes they had him rolling around on an office chair with a handgun lol.

@V8AmericanMuscleCar

Ай бұрын

​@@TiocfaidhArLa34 I heard he had a stunt double for walking on the stairs. 😅

@michaeljohnson-thiman4975

Ай бұрын

​@@V8AmericanMuscleCarthat's correct 👌

Tom is definitely one of the best comedians in our generation

@TheBibleDefenders

5 ай бұрын

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Steven Segal has a blackbelt in going straight to DVD.

@stevethomas74

2 жыл бұрын

Bahahaha! >_

@MarekUtd

2 жыл бұрын

hahaha hilarious!!!!

@remyr5749

2 жыл бұрын

Even with streaming, he still goes straight to DVD...lol!

@greyman6353

2 жыл бұрын

He has been going straight to DVD for 25 years!

@micklebob417

2 жыл бұрын

Best comment 🤣

Steven Seagal: "That's the best script I've ever read." Rob Schneider: "Who wrote it." Steven Seagal: "I did." Funniest story I heard about the guy.

@sirezekiel6156

Жыл бұрын

The best story I heard was about a guy who played a priest that he kills in one of his movies. He said the first day on set the director approached him and said that Steven had a “spiritual awakening” and didn’t want to kill people in his movies anymore. This guy had to convince Steven that he was doing the character a favor by killing him, and it worked. Then down the line Steven started ad-libbing lines in about how he was glad he didn’t kill that priest, and they had to have him come back to record another line to show he was still alive.

@nathanbarnhart7823

Жыл бұрын

@@sirezekiel6156 he also exploded some guy’s head in a movie and later on said “glad I didn’t kill (insert dude’s name).”

@zatoichi4449

Жыл бұрын

I heard that story on the Howard Stern show, and literally yesterday I told that story to someone. This is a synchronicity.😀

@zatoichi4449

Жыл бұрын

@@nathanbarnhart7823 Sir Richard Pumpaloaf?😀

@Jizzlewobbwtfcus

Жыл бұрын

ahh ye I heard Rob talking about that. HILARIOUS :D

"Welcome captain Kirk" "Is he qualified to do this?" "Oh you've seen him do all that shit" 💀😂🤣

Steven Segal is a expert in comedy, hes been doing it for 80 years

Steven Seagal arranged for an interview, for himself, upon Brandon Lee's death. He proceeded to tell a camera crew that the folks on the set of the movie Brandon was filming called him before they called any medical professionals when the accident happened... and then told him he was amazing (while calling him 'master') for "somehow knowing" the gun had real bullets loaded. Seriously, go watch the interview. It wasn't about the tragedy of the situation, or an ode to Brandon, or condolences for the Lee family; nope...just to talk about how amazing he himself is. He once claimed Van Damme was a "champion of nothing." Despite JCVD's known 19-2 record in full-contact tournaments prior to breaking into movies (both losses of which, he avenged). Van Damme then challenged Seagal to an MMA style fight in response to those comments, or at least one in the fashion of professional kickboxing with gloves and headgear. Steven declined. People used to say that the black-and-white footage of Seagal at an Aikido dojo in Japan was proof of his greatness, because these old Japanese guys were bowing to him. Except...it's a requirement in that martial art and in that culture to bow to anyone who is a teacher. Seagal only "earned" the title because he married the daughter of a guy who was the owner of the dojo, not because he was a great student. Steven Seagal is a legend in his own mind.

@D.A.-Espada

2 жыл бұрын

@@Sudas80 You do have to look around but it is true. Look for randori Steven Segal as the key words

@ralphbooger4756

2 жыл бұрын

@@Sudas80 kzread.info/dash/bejne/nZOrz9mcfNHKpZM.html

@ralphbooger4756

2 жыл бұрын

full interview... kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZY142KmyYJDWabA.html

@Shaylok

2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists have a real talent for making any situation all about them. Absolutely shameless.

@thegoat5196

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve seen the interview with Seagal and everything in this comment is true.

Steven Seagal is the best actor ever. He's in character 24/7.

@karlwikman3874

Жыл бұрын

So was Obito from Naruto, and id rather give him the Oscar for best performance.

@ptolemeeselenion1542

Жыл бұрын

@@karlwikman3874 Lol.

@gabrielpadilla7839

Жыл бұрын

god presents steven seagal as steven seagal in the life of steven seagal

@user-hr2zy7ct8h

Жыл бұрын

@@gabrielpadilla7839 "God presents: Steven Seagal playing Steven Seagal in "The life of Steven Seagal"" good one

@donguapo7862

Жыл бұрын

Method acting

Steven Seagal came up to me on the street once. He told me he had known me for the last 34 years.

As far as comedians go Toms delivery is second to none

Steven Seagal: enough about me, let’s talk about me…

@metisonvic9755

2 жыл бұрын

Wooooh😂😂😂😂 This is borderline vanity

@Matters2023

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂

@Polandsyndromebodybuilding

2 жыл бұрын

Lol

@terrytran7127

2 жыл бұрын

😭🤣😂

@LMAODOODZ

2 жыл бұрын

I legitimately laughed

I thought that Seagal was some sort of spoof action hero until I realized he was trying to be serious the whole time 😂

@libertyprime2013

9 ай бұрын

Same

@anirudhdwivedi6673

9 ай бұрын

Hahahaha!

@lizardking6135

6 ай бұрын

If he committed to that premise, he'd have been way more successful

@vondahe

3 ай бұрын

I used to think his movies were funny until I realised they were supposed to be serious. Him trying to be half Jesus, half Bruce Lee was… peculiar. On a positive note, he’s the only person who could make Sylvester Stallone look clever.

@Wildeheart79

3 ай бұрын

No you didn't. I mean the man's a loon for sure but you can't pretend you watched his 90's output thinking they were spoofs. Did you also think Naked Gun was a documentary?

I died when he said kick him the throat lol lmfao

@ckinahan1

Ай бұрын

Gracias 🤣

Bro I've watched this so many times it's hilarious thank you

Sensei Seagal is a real master martial artist. He taught me the art of bullshido for 69 years, and im only 34!

@Devin-O

Жыл бұрын

Aikido is the one martial art he is a black belt in.

@Cuban20

Жыл бұрын

Lmao

@ampnesss2006

Жыл бұрын

😂

@marumarusensei1

Жыл бұрын

Don't say BSdo. You have no idea what Bodo is.

@starlyghtdrifter66

Жыл бұрын

Bullshido! Hahahahaahahah

Steven Seagal is the living example of “fake it till you make it”.

@TheGhostbusterfan

Жыл бұрын

But he's never made it though.

@LanceMannion

Жыл бұрын

@@TheGhostbusterfan I think he made it in the early 90's. Wished he would have stopped the "faking it" part then. Since then, he's lost the "made it" part.

@shawnbenz

Жыл бұрын

Actually that’s Brendan Schaub.

@104thironmike4

Жыл бұрын

Wrong. Steven Seagl is the living example of "fake it."

@manoloribera9362

Жыл бұрын

Him and NBA Youngboy

That was hilarious. Time to return to the Salt Mine!

The mighty jingles sent me 😂

I don’t care what anyone says about Steven Seagal, in my eyes the man is a legend at making us all laugh at him.

@SkunkleNFoxy

2 жыл бұрын

The galaxy brain comedy act.

@JellyDude-gt7te

2 жыл бұрын

That run 🤣😂😁😂🤣

@AleandFire

2 жыл бұрын

That movie hard to kill…..he died 68 times during that film. Didn’t everyone love them armbreaks though? 🤣

@craigridley7369

2 жыл бұрын

Can I laugh in your face?

@rollsgracie268

2 жыл бұрын

He’s certainly a lot more funnier at least what happened to him all the Selena surrounding him there’s a lot more funny than this character that’s for sure

The best part about this is not one joke was written, it’s just truth!

@jakep1979

2 жыл бұрын

It was just Tom Segura watching cops and seeing Segal there one day and thought: "Hey I don't even need to come up with a joke, Segal just goes someplace opens his mouth and hilarity ensues.

@trvman1

2 жыл бұрын

When will modern day comedians LEARN that saying the F word doesn't make a joke any better. It OFTEN makes it less funny. This whole bit could have been a lot funnier if he took the F word out and used other words. Using the F word is just a lazy persons way.

@theoriginalmonstermaker

2 жыл бұрын

You just explained most comedy

@jackburton4484

2 жыл бұрын

100% agree That’s why I like Jim Gaffigan and Anthony Jeselnyk so much

@zachweers4225

2 жыл бұрын

@@trvman1 then don't watch

This is still one of the best bits ever

Who else is here after watching the Mighty Jingles video? Wasn’t disappointed! This is hilarious. 😂

Man he does a better Steven Seagal impression than Steven Seagal and he has been doing it for 60 years.

@merrick7189

Жыл бұрын

😆😅😂🤣

@bohannonorr7665

Жыл бұрын

It's been 80 years.

@grimtopia4804

Жыл бұрын

@@bohannonorr7665 Damn

From now on, ALL helicopters I see shall be called “Skippies”

@mattgonzalez4457

2 жыл бұрын

And if anyone asks why I will be so happy to tell them 😂 it goes skip skip skip

@jwj8201

2 жыл бұрын

He was probably talking about the UH-1 "Huey". Which surprisingly isn't a BS story. I'm not trying to fact check a joke, just pointing out the source of it, and how it is more or less true.

@user-is2mj2ig4v

2 жыл бұрын

@@jwj8201 get out of here steven

@ike9035

2 жыл бұрын

@@jwj8201 can u not ruin the joke? Thanks man

@ike9035

2 жыл бұрын

Skip skip skip skip skip

"I like Havarti cheese the most. What's your favorite?" 🤣

@ckinahan1

Ай бұрын

I wish he'd said "mucho". Roflmao 😂

I think this guy is hilarious because when I watch his podcast with his wife he acts just like his stand up he just naturally funny asf

Fun fact: Seagal once picked a fight with another martial artist on some movie set, who promptly choked him out. He then shit his pants while passed out. He still denies this.

@Boss3Nate

2 жыл бұрын

Good ol' Gene LeBell... 100% true story

@engineeringforlife1367

2 жыл бұрын

Lebell, the god of Jiu-jitsu. He once pissed off JCVD at a party trying to humiliate him in front of the others, Van Dam called him out for a real fight outside of the house, he started smiling and saying he was just joking, fakedo man.

@GhostDrummer

2 жыл бұрын

@@engineeringforlife1367 JCVD is a beast though… Division: Middleweight Style: Karate, Kickboxing, Muay Thai, Taekwondo Rank: 2nd Dan Black Belt in Shotokan Karate Years active: 1976-1982 (martial arts), 1979-present (acting) Kickboxing Record: 19-1. 18 wins by KO Amateur record: 44-4 Stallone said Seagal was running his mouth at JCVD’s house during a party. JCVD told Seagal to meet him out in the backyard. Seagal decided to leave the party and went to a club. JCVD followed him there and confronted him again. Seagal ran away again.

@ike9035

2 жыл бұрын

@@GhostDrummer this, this is true

@rsmith02

2 жыл бұрын

Not a fact and probably didn't happen that way given on-set protocols, but he pissed enough people off in Hollywood that they freely repeat it.

Steven always has that "whos that all the way over there?" Look on his face

@zer08927

2 жыл бұрын

Will Sasso has done AMAZING impressions of him on Mad TV 😂

@CHURRO_FIYA

2 жыл бұрын

@@zer08927 classic 🤣

@punanyologist

2 жыл бұрын

segal is too easy the material writes itself

@06alwilliams

2 жыл бұрын

😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂

@knalleballkalle8365

2 жыл бұрын

"Who's that over yonder"

I'm glad I got recommended a video of this guy. He's hilarious!

Thanks buddy. Best Steven Seagal impression ever. I laughed my A$$ off.

Steven seagull is the buddy on pawn stars that Rick calls when he doesn’t know enough about something

@justinkulbaba5336

2 жыл бұрын

Ha, good one 😇

@hassanmiah2346

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂

@AjCxOfficial

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahahaha

@joezamarron4174

2 жыл бұрын

Steven Seagal is the Chumlee of Action Movies

@joelholland8523

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣

Alternative ending after "the kick": "What are you kicking a poodle?" Steven:"That's not a poodle, it's a shitzu boxer hound mix."

@alex9x9

2 жыл бұрын

You should try writing comedy cause that was an actually good punchline with a callback

@drum877

2 жыл бұрын

Nice call back

@joshuapinter

2 жыл бұрын

Well played. Good way to bring it back. (Which I guess is called a callback, based on these other comments.)

@Leadfoot_P71

2 жыл бұрын

"...one of the world's most dangerous dogs, and I just neutralized it with one swift kick!"

@goliathimmortal1

2 жыл бұрын

So he would have to use Mixed Martial Arts ...

Can we just take the time to appreciate the amount of good, charitable work Steven Seagal does? Kindly making a buffoon of himslef for the last 30 years, in order to give the world all these hilarious examples of his awesomeness!!!

Let's face it: Mr. Seagal is a legend in his own mind.

@geezy458

2 жыл бұрын

Ultimate warrior reference? Nice

@randyg9259

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah. I'm a big fan of Mr Seagull

@josephbalachick1879

2 жыл бұрын

sounds like CARDI B

@marzadky4934

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, but it's true, the dude is a legend. His soft spoken voice and how it can threaten yet also soothe. That dude is a genius

@shawnwillis767

2 жыл бұрын

He is a legend!!

"No gracias." Ha Haaaa

It never gets old! Thank you I laughed my ass off again and again.

HONESTLY, few years back Steven Seagal moved into our neighborhood in Southern California. The house he purchased was just down the street from the city dump in Santa Barbara County.. Once he moved in, he began complaining about trash trucks running up and down the street. This city dump it's been there for over 50 years. Thats the mentality of Steven Seagal. We were very happy when we discovered he moved out of town.

@rey024

2 жыл бұрын

Some people don't get that's the whole reason the house was cheap.. Like buying next to an airport..

@fatherharran1853

2 жыл бұрын

He lives in Russia now

@gerrekurquidez3044

2 жыл бұрын

This is a man who defends aikido, a martial art that has only few uses throws and disarms, but is mostly useless and inapplicable.

@theflowerhead

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah. 🙄 Good thing he gone.

@Belnick6666

2 жыл бұрын

before he moved to russia? what is a "few" years to you?

I've been laughing at this special for like 47 months

@oliverpalmer3088

2 жыл бұрын

Facts

@hullinstruments

Жыл бұрын

Yeah isn’t this like close to 10 years old?

@cnh1710

Жыл бұрын

BIKES!!

@Prof.Pwnalot

Жыл бұрын

Really? Didn't find this funny at all. Love tom on podcasts / quick witt settings, but scripted he sucks.

@Tommyoda

Жыл бұрын

word 💯

Anyone here from Jingles?

@filipsokolic5259

Ай бұрын

Yes

'Can I laugh in your face?' 😂

Segura doesn't know what he's talking about. i should know, I've been watching Steven Seagal movies for the last 68 years.

@medexamtoolsdotcom

2 жыл бұрын

NONSENSE! He knows exactly what he's talking about and you're just shitposting. I should know, I've been shitposting in youtube comments for the last 160 years. I was the first one to shitpost on CNN's report on the assassination of Lincoln when it was recent news. In fact, I was there when he died. His last words were to me, he said, "don't believe everything you see on the internet. Also I hope it's not too late to unfree those slaves, let everyone know that was my last request."

@isaacmontoya9636

2 жыл бұрын

Ya'll are trippin,' I would know I've trippin' for 35 Years 😂

@ckmoore101

2 жыл бұрын

@@isaacmontoya9636 This thread is awesome! Keep them coming! I should know, I have been coming for 69 years.

@gertrudelaronge6864

2 жыл бұрын

... Steven? Is that you posting under an alias?

@tomterific390

2 жыл бұрын

@@gertrudelaronge6864 Could be. After all I invented aliases, and have been using them successfully for 123 years.

Steven Seagal: the man, the myth, the legend in his own mind.

@pHD77

2 жыл бұрын

Man, myth, legend? That's Scott Sterling right there 😁😂

@kryse4806

Жыл бұрын

everything that spouts out of his mouth for sure is a fucking myth

@athena854

Жыл бұрын

Steven Seagal: Lawman was something else. My fave moment was when he got a couple Dobermans and was like “I’m Buddhist so I can’t kill anyone, but my dogs can”.

@TheSweetswed

Жыл бұрын

Except he was a Legend and a Huge movie star. Under Siege etc were HUGE movies in the 90s

@athena854

Жыл бұрын

@@TheSweetswed Is that the one that wasn’t straight to VHS?

I just binge watched all your Netflix specials last week. Can't believe I never knew how funny you are!

This set is 🔥😂😂😂😂

Tom's white guy impersonation of a black guy being whiter than the black guy that Steven Seagal is pretending to be has always brought me joy

@avonbarksdale5995

Жыл бұрын

Excellent wording sir 👏👏👏

@Filos247

Жыл бұрын

Well done!

@cbrreezzyy69

Жыл бұрын

I’m a dude, playing a dude, disguised as another dude

@ChannelUmptyThree

Жыл бұрын

Win or lose, even if I lose, I'm not going to lose. - Michael Tarver.

@bilsid

Жыл бұрын

your words gave me vertigo 😂

Seagal's mother-in-law watching Mongolian daytime soap operas on the couch in our reception area will forever remain the most bizarre thing in my life.

@randefriedman7307

2 жыл бұрын

tell us the whole story, sounds interesting!

@I_Santos_

2 жыл бұрын

@@randefriedman7307 I second this.

@derloos

2 жыл бұрын

@@randefriedman7307 Not that much to tell tbh. I used to work at a school in Moscow where his kid went. It was mostly the grandma who'd come to pick the kid up (occasionally passing the time on the couch in the aforementioned way). But there was also that one time when Himself decided to attend a soccer practice. All the other dads there who presumably grew up around late 80s to mid 90s JUST. WENT. APESHIT. He was visibly frustrated by all the fuss but maybe also secretly happy.

@chaosapiant

2 жыл бұрын

@@derloos Did he wear his do-rag, yellow sunglasses and full tactical gear? Please say he did!

@derloos

2 жыл бұрын

@@chaosapiant how would we spot him if he did though? 😀

The havarti cheese line, broke my ribs laughing. Tom Segura is part of my top 10 favorite comics of all time.

I met Chuck Berry once. He told me Steven Seagal taught him how to play guitar when he was a kid. He even wrote most of his songs.

when seagal was 25yo he had been training dogs for 80years

@benjackson9299

2 жыл бұрын

Search: Elon Musk meets Post Malone It’s hilarious! 😂

@proguninc4080

2 жыл бұрын

Lol All of you Steven Seagal haters can laugh and hate on Seagal as much as you want.... but the fact is that he's a legit Martial Artist. He's a master in Aikido and has learned a little of other styles as well.

@rheasilverstorm6366

2 жыл бұрын

Steven Seagal is what companies want on your resume

@Audrey-ib1qz

2 жыл бұрын

I bet someone, somewhere, has a punching bag with his face on. Not so they could punch him, so they could make fun of the way he walks.

@selwyn500

2 жыл бұрын

Seagull built his own baby crib😂

"I have been flying helicopters for like fourty seven years" dropped me off my chair 😂😂😂

@OscarOffTheCuff

Жыл бұрын

Was it really that funny?

@scottzvidzo5564

Жыл бұрын

@@OscarOffTheCuff Of course unless you are just having a bad day

@tiriana2

Жыл бұрын

@@OscarOffTheCuff I like the way Tom delivers that line. The line itself is good, but nothing special. It's the way he says it that gets me every time :)

@jmr1068204

Жыл бұрын

That's some crap that Steven would say for sure. "You know, it was really ME who took out half of the Vietcong in Vietnam. The other soldiers were there just to watch me."

I’ve been watching this clip on repeat for like 36 years.

Sorry I was late to the party, but thanks for roasting Seagal. Never gets old.

Segal is the prime example of someone who could be a cool dude if they took themselves less seriously. Honestly, that's the whole reason he's a meme.

@joenobody5913

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, thats the problem, he takes himself to seriously. Not that he's a rapist or massive piece of shit.

@nissy9220

Жыл бұрын

He’s an embarrassment

@johnmcmahon8513

Жыл бұрын

@@nissy9220 Funny, THATS what your mother told me last nite about YOU!? Is it Nissy92 or Sissy92 ????🤔

@yt_Ajay_

Жыл бұрын

Same with Vin Diesel. He needs to chill out before he turns into another Steven Seagal.

@nissy9220

Жыл бұрын

@@Neil-de1fh i don’t watch his stuff, im watching someone else take the piss out of him. The fu*k you on about ?

Steven Seagal teaching hand-to-hand combat to professional law enforcement is like Angelina Jolie being appointed as a professor of archeology...

@jimmymeridian5174

2 жыл бұрын

Is that referring to a movie she’s in?

@suchanhachan

2 жыл бұрын

@@jimmymeridian5174 Yes, I was referring to the Tomb Raider movies...

@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd

2 жыл бұрын

Or Jolie being a marriage counselor

@fooohousie

2 жыл бұрын

She teach how to make lips look too small

@MMABeijing

2 жыл бұрын

u r trully clueless

"hola...muchoo quesoo...no gracias" lmao xD

One of your best bits ❤

Well, i live in a small Russian town, and today i saw Steven Segal on a political advertisement pamphlet in my elevator, endorsing a local small time polititian. It says "I trust Michail". And i am not even making this up. After moving to Russia, he went downhill fast.

@napoleonbonerfart278

2 жыл бұрын

He lives there now? I know he became a Russian citizen a few years ago but for some reason I thought he still lived in the states.

@user-es2vc4cx2j

2 жыл бұрын

@@napoleonbonerfart278 yup. He is still here. Ran away from taxes

@larryjohnson3087

2 жыл бұрын

It's crazy to think that anyone could just fly to a small russian village, get drunk and get in a fight and there is a CHANCE Steven Segal will arrest you.

@Neimonster

2 жыл бұрын

@@larryjohnson3087 Challenge accepted

@4Everlast

2 жыл бұрын

Everything goes down hill fast. But seriously the movies he's been making in the last 10+ years are beyond shitty.

This is the best bit I’ve ever seen or heard in my life. I’ve been watching Tom Segura for about 6 minutes and he’s officially the funniest person alive. I know this because I’ve been watching Tom Segura for 67 years.

@WiLDCHiLD.

Жыл бұрын

*_BIKES!_*

@deontaeavila3514

Жыл бұрын

Arousing.

@Bhatt_Hole

Жыл бұрын

Chicken salad! ....with celery!

@sayresrudy2644

9 ай бұрын

this bit is so terrible it’s scary. you need to hear some funny comics.

@Batopie7327

7 ай бұрын

I’ve watched Tom Segura for 100 years

If I was in the audience, the moment Tom says 'Steven Seagal', I would've laughed immediately. No need to wait for the '... is crazy' part.

I'll keep watching this for like a 1000 years

Steven seagal teaches cops hand to hand combat... no wonder they rely on their guns so much...

@musiclover8255

2 жыл бұрын

😄😂😄😂

@bringthepayne7561

2 жыл бұрын

Phucking hate you dude!!!!😂🤣😂🤣

@RetiredRhetoricalWarhorse

2 жыл бұрын

They rely on guns because you do hand to hand combat only if you have no other choice. Hand to hand combat WILL get you injured. You use it when it's the only thing standing between you and death.

@Archone666

2 жыл бұрын

@@RetiredRhetoricalWarhorse ...We're talking about COPS, you daft idjit. Not soldiers. COPS. COPS are supposed to observe the same rules for minimum use of force and not escalating things as the rest of us. And for the record, SOLDIERS are ALSO expected to show restraint and not simply fire all willy nilly.

@gobo6175

2 жыл бұрын

@@RetiredRhetoricalWarhorse 😂😂

Having Steven Seagal instruct a self defense class is like having Chris Chan instruct an art class.

@VampyreBassist

Жыл бұрын

Ooh, who's higher off their own fumes though?

@edwarcandy4648

Жыл бұрын

It's like a Ted Kennedy drivers school, a tall mens store featuring Jerry Nadler. A happiness store opened by Whoopi goldberg, joy behar and maxine waters

@doriftuh7331

Жыл бұрын

Just gonna be everyone drawing heandsome squidwards

@ElectrostatiCrow

Жыл бұрын

​@@VampyreBassist both are pretty insane.

@WizzardJC

Жыл бұрын

Ngl I love that comparison

I love Segura! He is amazing with his comedic timing, his jokes are so hilarious!

LOve this guy one of the best!

Steven Seagal is unanimously the most talented actor, the most deadly martial artist, and one of the top two handsome person ever to walk the earth, just ask him 😂😵‍💫

@Nutsaur

2 жыл бұрын

I would love to hear that from a comedian.

@ExMachina70

2 жыл бұрын

You forgot greatest helicopter pilot.

@rubbinman

2 жыл бұрын

YES, he is a legend......in his own mind!!!!

@TooToo246

2 жыл бұрын

Chuck got some real competition

@jezebulls

2 жыл бұрын

He taught Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida how to raise one leg in the air in a straight line starting with the knee and snapping it at the end. He named his patented move the “front kick.” Legendary

holy shit this is good. the fact that his casual Steven Seagal moves are pretty much spot on is absolutely hilarious

@Tommyoda

Жыл бұрын

I’ve been a big Seagal fan in that I’ve been watching his movies for the past 47 years and Tom’s version of him is spot on!

@F.S92

Жыл бұрын

He also nailed the “fat guy belching”

Gold, gold, gold.

He started all of these Steven Segall memes. Thanks Tom...

I've been making cheese for like 103 years

@Mynx31

2 жыл бұрын

The ancient Greeks first made cheese knives out clay 2100 years ago.

@BoomerKeith1

2 жыл бұрын

No gracias

@CreeperthanPasta

2 жыл бұрын

Smegma

@Deadriser

2 жыл бұрын

I was expecting that at the end too lol

@kathywarrick2084

2 жыл бұрын

@@CreeperthanPasta Haha

Nearly every movie he's done since 2012 is him playing a spec ops and has to kill someone or rescue a girl

@viscountrainbows6452

2 жыл бұрын

Also 85% of the movie won't feature him, and the few shots that do are him in a room talking military/espionage jargon with the same 4 people, or holding a gun/glacially fighting a strung-out methadone patient.

@grammarofficerkrupke4398

2 жыл бұрын

He's sitting on a chair for most of the movie and then ends up having sex with the girl at the end of the movie.

@roelrodriguez1715

2 жыл бұрын

@@grammarofficerkrupke4398 with his clothes on too

@georgebailey8872

2 жыл бұрын

He’s made a movie since 2012?

@roelrodriguez1715

2 жыл бұрын

@@georgebailey8872 Yeah and they’re all funded by his own production company so they are all donkey dick

Say what you will about Seagal-but truth is the man's a genius. He's the only person who single-handedly made pure Comedy and managed to somehow get all of it approved for the Action Film Genre.

"he's bloated now, doesn't have the same range of motion" 😂😂😂

Entire bit is gold - for me, though, its the very subtle, yet masterfully executed impression of Stallone. *knock knock knock* "'Ey buddy roll it down".

@BoomerKeith1

2 жыл бұрын

Right?! Perfection.

@timjacob991

2 жыл бұрын

He has a great delivery

@wrenboy2726

2 жыл бұрын

He says 4 words and you still got the quote wrong lol

@bradrichards8122

2 жыл бұрын

It was dead on and effortless.

@tmp6939

2 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/e4WjmNBrlKmnf9Y.html

Segal made a war movie where he strategically playing the role of the group sniper. "Strategically" because in the movie, all the other guys ran around a town while Segal sat, looking out a balcony window the majority of the movie. When he did have to get up and move, the extent of that movement was to the next window over, which was about 7 feet away.

@cjman7

2 жыл бұрын

I need to know if you actually watched Sniper Special Ops.

@boydl

2 жыл бұрын

I need to see this - what movie ?

@kaoko111

2 жыл бұрын

Worst than that is the fact that the original script was different, but once they started doing the movie the director realized that Steven is so fat and lazy to move or even learn his lines. So for most of the film he's sit and quiet. So we are in the point that he's doing movies that only require him to breathe in front of a camera.

@kevinsarulis4067

2 жыл бұрын

This is so much funnier when you think of how lazy this guy has to be IRL. Probably has piss jars all over his room. 😂

@gthiggins01

2 жыл бұрын

If you actually pay close attention, the scenes he actually has to be moving, they used a body double.

This standup is epic💪🤣💯👏

You could do a whole hr long show just on Steven Segal alone. And it would be hilarious from start to finish.

@Tonyhouse1168

Жыл бұрын

And it would be 84 minutes

@siler7

Жыл бұрын

I'm more amused by the legions of people who can't spell his name, despite the facts that 1. he's been world-famous for decades, and 2. it's spelled correctly in the title of the video upon which they are commenting.

@davidgangemi3314

Жыл бұрын

@@siler7 Stephen Seagull can't even pronounce his own name correctly. Why should we care to spell it correctly?

@SuperMrHiggins

Жыл бұрын

@@siler7 I'm gonna agree with David Gangemi. Why do I have to spell the weird sea gulls name correctly? Tis a freakin' bird - and not a majestic one at that. Gulls are disgusting, they are just... dirty water rats with wings...

@alexandrebelair4360

Жыл бұрын

@@siler7 He was world famous during the 90s. He's at best a has-been. No one gives enough of a shit about seagull to spell it right.

Make sure you catch Steven Seagal's latest action-packed trilogy, "Out of Breath", "Gasping for Air", and the grand finale "Tunnel Vision".

@nicetime6147

2 жыл бұрын

Lmao out of breath 🤣😂

@lucasmartinez4173

2 жыл бұрын

why did i read this with joe rogan´s voice

@Andrew_M_Ward

2 жыл бұрын

/ You got me - I laughed out loud

@rallyfeind

2 жыл бұрын

I thought he had that one "Triple Bypass" first. The highway worker triplets that have to open a closed road...hope the theater isn't too congested. This one is supposed to get the veins pumping I hear.

@adamb89

2 жыл бұрын

@@rallyfeind That was actually a sequel to "Total Blockage" which in turn was a spinoff of "Hard Attack".

I'm dyin all thru this!

My favorite bit😂❤

There's a Chuck Norris joke that goes: Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down. The Steven Seagal version: Steven Seagal doesn't do push-ups.

@lisoo9045

2 жыл бұрын

*His weight pushes the earth down on every step he takes.

@SCORCHED-EARTH

2 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura version: those stupid fucking Republicans! *runs out of breath * if those idiots would just do everything cnn tells them to do I wouldn't have to do pushups (Ps it's a joke... I know Tom Segura can't do pushups)

@marcvandermeyden8000

2 жыл бұрын

steven does push ups with his tongue its super strong from all the shit talk he does.

@geoffreysorkin5774

2 жыл бұрын

Actually it's, Steven Seagal doesn't do push-ups, his stuntman does.

@kenrickeason

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

This was so freaking comedic genius. Steven Segal even took credit for teaching UFC Anderson Silva's kick that knocked out Vitor Belfort.

@lowlowseesee

2 жыл бұрын

its alright. genius is very very generous. maybe you are 13 or something or don't understand the craft maybe lol

@Someonereallycares

2 жыл бұрын

@@lowlowseesee says you and NOBODY else. Do I have to say it twice low low see see

@MrSmokincodz

2 жыл бұрын

@@Someonereallycares its hardly even funny let alone genius. I agree with lowlow, you must have a teenagers sense of humor.

@chaosapiant

2 жыл бұрын

@@MrSmokincodz Fuck that ageist shit, i'm 42 and this shit is fucking hilarious.

@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd

2 жыл бұрын

The fact that Anderson Silva would waste his time with Steven Seagal is even crazier

This is gold🤣👌