For whatever it’s worth, it took me about 17 years before I started feeling okay and tbh, if anyone had told me at any point prior that I’d ever be okay, I wouldn’t have believed them. It’s been 4 years since my last attempt and I genuinely never thought I’d be able to go a day without wanting to just not exist, but I’ve managed to go almost 2 whole years without the thought crossing my mind. Life never really got any better, but I did. It was indescribably difficult, but I did, and I really hope you get better too. Mental illness is terrible but as empty and annoying and cliche as it sounds, it really can get better. Just do whatever you can to make it through the next minute, the next hour, the next day, and eventually you’ll get there. Just hang on as best as you can and if hanging on is literally all you can do, just do that until you can do a little more. Just do the best you can. Idk if any of this helps, but I really hope it does, or at least isn’t harmful.

@ilovelushxo

Жыл бұрын

It helped me to read this, thanks

@laynescott431

Жыл бұрын

@@ilovelushxo I’m really happy it did. You really do deserve to feel better

Brianna three months ago when I was still in Japan. I attempted three times out of feeling so lonely and hopeless. I know exactly how you’re feeling and you are not alone. You are a strong human being and I’m rooting for your success

@crlpxz

Жыл бұрын

Sending you hugs ❤

I’m so sorry you have to go through this I completely understand your struggle. Take it slow don’t rush we love you 😢

hey bri i just wanted to say that I’ve been following along your journey ever since 2019, and I wanna acknowledge how much you’ve grown and have become an even more beautiful person. I’m meerly a viewer, but it always brightens my day seeing you post a new video and I’m so so sorry you’re experiencing this pain right now. I pray that you will feel better soon, you’ve inspired me beyond words with how much you’ve accomplished in life and make me wanna attain my dreams, you deserve the world 💗

this is breaking my heart, we love you and want you to recover.

When I was your age, I pretty much felt the same way. Now, in my late forties--I just don't give a darn. Don't care if someone doesn't approve. It's life. Just live long enough to get to this point. I want to see what you achieve.

I struggled and I didn’t want to believe it but I feel better after a 13 year battle with depression and it’s because: 1. Consistent medication 2. Less/no alcohol 3. Exercise 4. Healthier diet 5. Water 6. Spirituality and not all the trendy new age crap. Real raw talks with God that feel like hugs to the soul. If I slack on any of these things, notice that I start to feel shitty again. You’ll get there. Hang on.

@andyawe13

Жыл бұрын

This list is great, only thing I'd add is sleep if you can. Sleep deprivation on its own can reek havoc on mental health

@alkebulanshujaaogun5152

Жыл бұрын

@@andyawe13 yep, thats what I'm dealing with for years now. Best I can get is 4 hours sometimes 5 and 6 if im lucky. I develop physical and worsening mental problems because of it. Sleeping pills dont work, not even melatonin. I also deal with consistent stress so thats another factor. Therapy and meds dont work for me. I feel my only solution is to move away from my stressful depressing environment. But I have to wait on the list like everyone else cause everything is too damn expensive to just move and be able to keep a place.

@alkebulanshujaaogun5152

Жыл бұрын

I feel you on the healthy diet and water, If I slip up on those I begin crying and cutting. I trying not to slip up on staying with God but the devil keep making it hard for me.

I know it’s cliché, but it really does get better. I found that studying philosophy (Tao Te Ching and Epictetus come to mind) and putting time and effort into thinking and working through things (both in therapy and alone) helped a lot. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I understand myself much better now and that’s given me a lot of peace and stability, since no matter where I go I’m stuck with me: that can be terrifying when struggling internally, but also a huge asset to have a safe place with you everywhere; you can be your worst enemy, but also greatest ally. Take care! 🙏

I’m so sorry that you went through that. Remember that recovery is not linear so don’t be discouraged and hard on yourself when you’re having another low point. Remember that pain and suffering will subside with time and it really does get better. Sending you a big hug from the other side of the world and I hope you have a safe recovery. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

We love the queen regardless ❤🎉

So very sorry you're feeling this way. I feel i'm at my lowest and also stuck for the past few years. No relationship, friends, still live at home with my mentally ill and messy mother, work to the bone making the least at my job, cant afford to live on my own, etc. Forced to go off of 2 months of antidepressants since my mental health facility ghosted me multiple times and failed me, just stuck. yeah the self care, bringing myself to clean or take care of myself is nice, but it's just waiting for the pain to hit agan, just not knowing when. The sui ideations are very much there for me and I just worry what happens when it gets worse and I really get to that point. I can tell this video was probably pretty difficult to record, edit, and post. Just know you've resonated with me and many others. We can keep going 🫶🏽

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please give yourself grace, love, and light. We’re here for you and we love you.

Depression is a disease, a chronic disease, and your doctors should know better. Please don't give up, I was where you are 3 years ago and I was living a great life with a cool job in a cool place, but I just couldn't be happy, no matter what I did. ( I'm a 27 yo gay guy) Long story short I got fed up and changed doctors twice. They changed my ssri from Lexapro to Effexor to Prozac, added Wellbutrin and Seroquel. It was incredibly hard and brutal switching and I was hospitalized for a week when switching from Lexapro to Effexor (they didn't do it gradually enough and I had a suicidal episode). I found the combination that worked for me, I did not think it was possible but it really has worked. I can feel joy and excitement, and can finally stop feeling miserable all the time. I have energy. I'm 1.5 years on this current combo and I feel more stable and alive than I have ever felt - to the point that I really could not think was possible for me. Keep pursuing treatment! You deserve it and so much more! Please keep fighting! ❤❤❤❤❤

I'm sending thoughts of love and comfort your way.

i just wanna sympathize and say how hard it is to deal with trauma. it's something u have to carry everyday and even years later im still dedicating my emotions to it. really wish i had some solution for u but the most meaningful thing i can say is im glad ur still here💛

Exercising and getting lots of sunlight will improve your mood, making plans to go out and do things that bring you joy will help you feel better over all. I'm glad you overcame this and that you're still here. You rock, Bri! 💖

so sorry youre going through this. sending love and healing your way ❤️

My dear sister, I had also been through a period of depression over 15 years ago. Trust meI know what you are going through,there was a perpetual insatiable void in my heart, mind and spirit. I discovered that it all came from unsolved trauma in the past, overwhelming guilt had accumulated in my life then an sent me into depression. Trust me self deleting is not an option, you can get well like me. First step you have to forgive yourself, and others and reconnect with God Almighty via his son Jesus Christ. You will find purpose in life again, please don’t give up!!!! We are all linked, each of our individual lives doesn’t just belong to us, but to those around us as well. We do them and the universe a great disservice when we give up. Also you have to stop self medicating, promiscuity and any vices for it plunges you deeper like quicksand into that void of nothingness. Sex is like a horcrux, the more people you lay with, you bind with them and split yourself as you share your dna and energies with them. This binding to multiple people can also cause depression, during recovery you have to be celibate for a while. Find yourself,before you can link with another this makes the journey of life easier. Hopefully you read this a know that you aren’t alone,we are praying for you. Remember that the journey of a thousand miles, starts, sustains and continues with single steps, take it one day at a time. All the best to you, sending you positive vibes,peace, energy and best wishes.

@carnettawilliams9013

Жыл бұрын

Yes Jesus literally gave me the spirit of Joy and I have to battle that depression every time it tries to come back. She has been hurt by religion or never actually understood God cause she said she grew up Catholic. I hope she gives God a real chance in her life, cause I can see the demons are really coming at her and she doesn’t even realize it.

@maximusdraxkratos6315

Жыл бұрын

@@carnettawilliams9013 . Absolutely. People don’t understand Catholicism isn’t Christianity, it is syncretism. The world catholic means universal ( a mixture of all religions & abominations). It is Luciferianism disguised as christianity, many churches aren’t doing the right thing. True christianity is living like Jesus Christ did, following his footsteps and having a personal relationship with God Almighty. Once you reconnect with God Almighty, peace, Love, Joy, purpose, great health, happiness, divine favor, protection, blessings and prosperity follow swiftly Matt6:33

i'm sorry you're going through this brianna. i never had attempts but i had passive thoughts, like everyone would be better off if i wasn't here anymore and i was worthless. brianna you're a beautiful smart person, and really talented. your life matters and i'm glad that you're still alive. even though this world feels like a terrible place, i'm glad that you're still on it to share your gifts and talents with it even though it doesn't deserve you.

So sorry to hear you went through this babygirl😞 Breaks my heart because I see a smart resourceful young lady that reminds me of myself. I can even relate to attempting. You survived and I’m so glad you did fr. I pray that life gets better and easier for you to live💖

I'm so happy you're still with us ❤❤❤

I read one of your journal entries and it made my heart swell wishing you the peace and healing you deserve

I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you and anyone else who is going through the same thing. I really hope to see a positive turnaround in your life in the future because you are deserving of life; and a good one at that! ❤❤

You are so incredibly brave and strong. Please know there are so many people pulling for you. I hope you feel the love❤️

Thanks for sharing this and I think this is a really huge effort on your part in being kind with yourself too. Admitting that you are unhappy when it feels like you shouldn’t be for whatever reason. Some questions I use to check in with myself: How do you take of the little you that didn’t receive what they needed from their parent? What is something that bring you joy, relief, feelings of safety, ? I’m not saying it’s the same as what you are going through, I just feel like asking myself about me and what my needs are is helpful towards my goal of loving myself. I do love myself, but not where I’d like to be which is feeling very safe, secure, and sure of me 24/7 and the love of me that was never nurtured in me. You of course have the right to choose to destroy yourself, but I think this video is you choosing to love yourself where you are at and moving from there at your pace. It’s very natural to make mistakes along the way like falling into patterns that may no longer serve you. One moment I’m cleaning and getting myself and my space organized the next it’s chaos and I’m in bed for weekends and after work because existing is difficult. Give yourself more credit for doing your best in existing.

hey Miss Brianna, im so sorry to hear about what it's been like for you lately. i resonate a lot with how much youve been through, and how that infects the way you can appreciate all the beauty and love around you currently. depression and feelings of emptiness are familiar faces to me and i too know what it's like to want to become nothing, to escape my humanity and have no responsibilities, no memories of suffering, etc. but what I want to say to you is that your worth, your majesty, your brilliance, continues to shine through in ways you might not be ready yet to see. you survived, and we're all incredibly fortunate and thankful that you did. the universe said no. and i hope soon you will be able to not just see or think, but FEEL it. to feel like you deserve and desire to be here. you are wonderful and imaginative and excellent. i know someday you will be able to feel it for yourself, and find the beauty and purpose and worth in your continued existence. thank you for being here on our Earth, Brianna.

Sending luv and prayers to you❤

Sending you the biggest hug and all the love and care in the world. I swear you are not alone right now even though you feel you are. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, but I am in the same damn flooded boat foot stuck sinking to the bottom of the lake (ocean?) wondering if it’s worth trying to swim back up for oxygen. ❤ Don’t worry about the apartment right now or showering. Just focus on sleeping, drinking water, eating, and being kind to yourself. Everything else is bonus. I feel you so hard girl. I’ve been feeling like the girl crying wolf because I can’t even ‘attempt’ because I talk to my therapist and doctor every week and they check in on me and I am too honest and promise them things like, ‘If I can’t keep myself safe I will drive to the ER room instead of Walmart to get the materials to…’ you know. I feel so weak. Like damn girl, you can just lie and just get the stuff. You keep scaring everyone around you, they keep walking on eggshells wondering when you’re going to snap, just get over it or end it already. But that’s me just being mean to myself again. I love your honesty and I appreciate you showing where you are right now because I sincerely feel so alone right now too. Everyone hides this part of them so no one really ‘gets’ it. Those who don’t struggle just don’t get it. Those who struggle hide it in shame or guilt. So thank you Brianna. I don’t feel hopeful today but I’ve been micro journaling and one thing I’ve seen with my own words and hands is that my feelings and emotions are always changing. I don’t always stay at a zero and I don’t always stay at a ten for very long. So maybe in ten minutes or in two days, I will stop being at a 0/10. I am just going to hold on for those ten minutes, and then another ten minutes. Ten minutes at a time. We can do this. ❤

Bri please know that I am sending your so much positivity and love your way 🤍 I know your not religious or anything, but I am also sending you prayers. A few Years ago you posted a video about being productive while being depressed or during an episode. And it saved me. I played it maybe 3 times everyday for weeks and eventually the routine you showed became my own. I can’t thank you enough for it, and because of that I have so much hope for you & know that you will find happiness. Please don’t give up, you are not alone. You are so loved and have so much to live for 🙏🏽

I completely understand your struggle with the meds. Honestly the right kinda medications is a huge factor in me being alive, that and my comminity of friends who have been there for me. Crossing my fingers that you can change your meds soon so you can live your life fully and take a huge chunk of your struggles off your back. Though you feel numb and dead inside, know that soon it will be different and focus on the changes you make towards that brighter future. I can't describe how much I know exactly how you feel right now, know that we are here for you and love you and KNOW that you will feel better soon. Sending you the warmest of hugs 🫂🧡❤️☀️🌅

There is nothing I could say and or do there’s nothing anyone can say and or do but I truly hope u hold on until it’s decent that’s what I’m doing we can never run from who we are but we can quietly become someone new

You look beautiful. I love you for who you are. So thank you for still trying everyday Bri.

I’m praying for you hun. I will also pray that you get the mental health support that you need. People are failing you that could help you and you’d be in a better place.

I am listening , we are all listening and sending healing energy to you ♥

Sending love and wishing you a speedy and healthy recovery ♥️

Im glad to see you are around here,i could say im sad for you but not im mostly proud of you,you keep fighting and looking how to make the most of your life you are one of the strongest and intelligent people I have ever seen around here, I hope life gets better for you.

you are not alone!!! please take as much time as you need to take care of yourself 💖

Exercise, Don't touch alcohol or any substances, Go back to the states for meds if necessary and find an online therapist that is more suitable to your needs and find a medication that works for you. You. Got.this.

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability ❤

I'm sorry to hear all of this. Sending the positive energy with hugs. I see and hear in you that knows you can achieve with more hugs, encouragement, understanding, hearing you out and ways to remove the negative energy still in your life. Can you get a new therapist? No one should battle depression and the attempts on life alone. You are well ahead of many in the steps you take and know of to better yourself in such terrible moments. I will try the infusion you have. Thanks for that inspiration. Never give up! We hear you!

sending love❤❤ spend more time in nature & let your heart lead you to what you need. dont be afraid of the ugliness , it will lead you to what u need to see & u will see the beauty i. this suffering!! You are so strong Bri❤

You don't know me, but I have been a fan of your videos for some time now. I'm currently 26 and definitely can empathize with how you're feeling (I've tried myself) and I want to give you a hug. There's not much I can say to get you out of your funk, but something that has helped me when I have my episodes is looking at a younger picture of myself and telling little me that everything is going to be okay. Anytime you're mean to yourself, just think about who you're talking to. Little you can help bring back some joy. Sending love your way. My mom once told me "don't let a temporary feeling lead to a permanent decision". This feeling is temporary and will pass 🤎🤎🤎

I'm so glad to see an update on you Though I havent attempted, I relate to feeling suicidal. I too was very traumatized and that contributed to my suicidality. I can also relate to not "regretting" acts of self harm All I can say is that healing is not linear. And having these moments doesnt take away from the progress you've made

@dollcrazy300

Жыл бұрын

You might want to pick up a book: A Course in Miracles.

As a mom I can relate beyond belief however I just want to say to people with no kids PLEASE USE THIS TIME TO BUILD YOURSELF. You have 24hrs to build and focus all on you! Sometimes friends,boyfriends, and family can make things even harder. I hope you guys realize how much time you have to be patient with yourself and work towards you’re goals and freedom! Easier said than done I know but since I’ve had a kid it’s insane to me that I didn’t use my time wisely before ! ❤❤❤❤ glad you picked yourself up ❤

the passive antiblack attacks you face surely have a role in it. You should speak more about what you feel to someone. Speaking about your pain is good.

Stay strong ❤

Morena please stay positive, we all have hit an obstacle in life and just have to steady the storm. 🙏🏽🙌🏽

I was thinking about you earlier today. I'm sorry to hear you've been in a bad way. I was just about to tell you to be gentle with yourself and you said it. Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can. You're beautiful and you are loved. Thoughts and prayers

Stay strong girl I will be praying for you.God has a plan for your life seek and you will find ❤❤❤

Been a subscriber since hoeing in Japan, glad you're still here

Wishing you the best.❤

I see you . I tried once this year. People said ask for help but sometimes opening up becomes more traumatising than anything.

Sending you so much love

I’m going through this right now and ended up calling a crisis line last night. The main thing is that you genuinely want to be happier and that you deserve it

I get it. I was feeling that a few days ago. I call it Absent Nirvana.. we are going through it right now so you're definitely not alone.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I have been there and it is so hard. I genuinely felt exactly like this until very recently and that was because I found a therapist focused on treating trauma. I don't want to you to feel like me saying this is me trying to make everything better or I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing advice on you so pls take this with a grain of salt but going to EMDR or another trauma focused therapy really helped me so much more than regular CBT. Again, maybe you've tried that so ignore this if you have but I just wish someone had told me that bc its been the first time in a while where I've finally gotten some relief. Overall, trauma is so hard to deal with and weighs on you so heavily. Even when you know someone loves you, the darkness encompasses everything. Its so disheartening and you have energy for nothing. When you said doing skincare, that you know you need routine I really felt for you bc I've said those exact things to myself at my worst. You caring for yourself as you can is still caring for yourself even if the routine isn't perfect. It's been 10+ years of fighting this for me and I'm only starting to feel better now. If someone told me last year I would feel like this, I would not have believed them. Wishing you the best love.

Lack of mental health care is why I initially left Japan :( thanks for being honest about your feelings, i can hardcore relate as a tran in Florida

You’re beautiful 💕

You’re gonna make it

Use cerave eye serum for your eye area

🙏🙏🙏🙏

I've been there before.. it's never easy to deal with and even talk to people about it. I'm glad you're alive but know that life is a struggle for you.

You are beautiful… honestly you say you want to kill yourselve…. But I don’t think you do…. You would not be here … still alive…. Life can get hard for all of us… ride out the tide…. You will not gain anything from taking your own life…. LIVE… do whatever makes you find peace

We love you!

With all of your might, seek light. I hope it then finds its way to u ❤

❤ I wish you recovery on your mental health journey. ❤ I am sorry you are not getting the support you need.

Hey take everything one day at a time and just remember you’re doing the best you can right now. Try to eat, rest, shower and break everything on todo lists into small tasks.

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Stay with yourself. Be there for yourself. This too shall pass.

Many other people who also in your position has no support what so ever. So you can appreciate how many people care right now. You got way more support than others.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." DEUTERONOMY 31:8 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." PSALM 34:18 We will be keeping you in prayer. 🙏🏼❤️❤️

It breaks my heart to know that you are struggling. I struggle too but I’m not suicidal. What do you think about on line therapy? Hold on please 🙏 Maybe you are here to help us all. Please keep us updated on how your doing.

I have been getting suicidal thoughts too so your not alone sista

It gets better, please consider finding Jesus, He will help lift your burdens

Just take one day at a time. You don’t have to figure it all out or fix it all or clean it all up right now. Just take your time. Also you sound like Doja Cat

Have you been open to the idea of Islam? It can be very healing for some people to turn back to their Creator ❤️

nooo i hate when pretty girls die dont do it. but nah in all seriousness idk, reading philosophy is a good way to understand ur emotions

Still better than me. I should be dead by now.

Jesus loves you ! Talk to him just like you talk to us and he will give you peace and comfort. My husband got killed and I fell into depression and anger. Jesus is my everything and he can be yours too

Have you tried reading the bible??? Try doing it Without expectation… just start by reading a random page! Relax and open the bible, Don’t expect to understand what you’re reading but make shore you are in the moment… just that… go with the flow after, simple but very effective! You will indeed find the escape that you’re looking for, only not in the form you think! Stay calm and god will make you a way out.

noooo eye bags are in thiis decade dont do it

Take 3 days away from the things of the occult and get that spirit off of you God bless you

Praying for you. Jesus can heal your mind and make your burdens light

I pray that every demonic attack going on in your life will leave in Jesus name. It's okay Bri, you will get through this and you live to become woman God created you to be. Sending love and peace. ❤

You need God sis! Please call on Him.

Noo ure so cute whyy

Sending you positive vibes. I hope you recover & heal, dear. I believe the world is better with you in it.

Im so sorry that youre struggling, you're not alone 🩷. We're here for you, i had thoughts too and its so hard to overcome it. You're worth it 🩷

When I saw the title, I was hoping you didn't attempt what I thought you did but after hearing you confirm it, I just wanna give you a hug and tell you that it's gonna be okay. 😢😢😢 I know it's hard right now and it might seem like nothing is going right or you don't know what to do but it will get better; I promise. Try to take things one day at a time and try not to live in your head. You will get through this

I have been a subscriber of yours for a while now and I can’t say I understand what you are exactly feeling but I can say that I have been in that situation, where I was close to death and felt like I had nothing to lose so I didn’t care about my life. My depression stemmed from my family and alcoholism which over time I was able to get out of. Healing definitely takes time and it takes a lot of support and mental energy to get back on your feet. I will pray for you and I hope that you don’t give up because you have so much love in you that you probably don’t realize. You so strong. I will continue to admire you and I wish you the best. Please don’t give up. ❤