Caller: My husband wants his mom to do our budget! Dave: *Sell the husband.*

@andidede3653

Жыл бұрын

Or the mother-in-law.

@TonyCox1351

10 ай бұрын

He’s not wrong

@atdepaulis

4 ай бұрын

Totally!! Your parents don’t need to be in your finances.. and how will you learn if she is doing it for you?

@LindaMeade

3 ай бұрын

Offer a 2 for 1 deal 😂

Advice: Don’t get pregnant! You are headed for divorce. You don’t need a kid in the middle of this.

@synelpt2927

Жыл бұрын

Agree, once a mommy's boy always a mommy's boy

@pegzpat

9 ай бұрын

Absolutely. And guess who's gonna be at their house every single day baby sitting..????

@codyoatie7630

5 ай бұрын

How bleak. That is a low view of marriage.

@cniknik9863

4 ай бұрын

​@@codyoatie7630not on marriage, on their marriage in particular. Big difference

@73odus

4 ай бұрын

She's got the kid already…she's married to him…

As a mother-in-law, I gotta say: Mom STEP AWAY.

He doesn't want marriage counseling because he is unwilling to hear if and where he is wrong. Inappropriate behavior from her husband.

I am glad Rachael caught the fact that she should not be calling mommy and daddy either!! Both sets of parents are involved!

@richardleston5237

Жыл бұрын

Doesn’t Rachel work for daddy though? 🫣🤔

@MichaelAnderson-wk1no

Жыл бұрын

@Richard Leston Working for your parent is very different from asking them to get involved in your personal home life business.

@richardleston5237

Жыл бұрын

@@MichaelAnderson-wk1no yea. no. You don’t see the hypocrisy in Rachel criticizing someone’s familial involvement in their finances when she is dependent on daddy for her job?

@Barneyjo

Жыл бұрын

@@richardleston5237 No correlation, very different circumstances

@1981lashlarue

Жыл бұрын

@@richardleston5237 No hypocrisy at all. The two situations aren't even close to comparable.

Mommy comes before his wife, big red flag!!! You will learn, the family does not always care about your happiness, they want you to do things to make them happy!

The mother-in-law took it home with her?! My financial papers aren't leaving my house, my responsibility, or my decisions. Yuck!

@patriciaalbertson5183

4 ай бұрын

Boy oh. Boy! Exactly!!! Can't believe it

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

Same. I’d be furious. Spitting fire furious.

She needs to ask him flat out, "do you want to be married to me or your mom? Because I'm not the sharing type. You gotta choose."

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

Lol how is that sharing? Y’all tripping

@FrancineYeshua

Жыл бұрын

Love that reply!

@CJ2023Incognito

Жыл бұрын

@@reese85He is choosing his mom’s opinion over his wife. So she feels like she is sharing his attention/focus with the mother.

@reesercliff

Жыл бұрын

@@CJ2023Incognito biblically he doesn't need his wifes opinion, he is the head of the household

@georgewagner7787

Жыл бұрын

And his mother is not.

“A marriage counselor and duct tape”. Best quote.

If my wife disclosed MY compensation to her parents, I'd be furious. Then again she'd never do this b/c we are both adults.

I have advice. Divorce him because it will never change. I’m sure she saw this before hand

@caroldorsett8170

3 ай бұрын

Exactly right

He’s the problem, she’s the symptom. Well said, Dave.

Let him go to his mommy. I was married to one. Not worth it.

@caroldorsett8170

3 ай бұрын

Same leave.

One thing not mentioned, and I'll be willing to bet, this is not the first time hubby went to his mom and disregarded his wife. In fact, I'd be willing to bet the caller saw this behavior before they got married and just thought he'd stop doing it once they were married. Nope. It just gets worse.

@eobrien1

Жыл бұрын

Whew, the truth!

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

Add in kids, and she’ll have the status of nanny while he and his mommy raise those kids. Called needs a backbone.

Dave and Rachel compliment each other well; love seeing them answer questions together.

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

I hope so! There father and daughter

@sbook001

Жыл бұрын

Some combos of host seem to blend better than others & some kind of make me not listen on some days. But Dave & Rachel always work well with whoever they pair up with.

@cabayern9416

Жыл бұрын

Like Rachel.... Despise the guys who join Dave (not Dr. John).

@hkatsonga

Жыл бұрын

For real real.

@jessecollingwood1002

3 ай бұрын

He did kind of talk over her quite a bit in this clip. When ever she started to say anything he cut her off.

Wow, Dave’s self awareness really blew me away, this is why I love Dave so much. He is def my “money guy/ surrogate dad.”

@DiaJasin

Жыл бұрын

Where did you deduce his self awareness in this video? I'm just wondering

@clarisamompremier8005

Жыл бұрын

@@DiaJasin at the end when he mentions his why he responded the way he did to Rachel and her husband

@colmwhateveryoulike3240

Жыл бұрын

Yeah that was wise.

@alisongoldsberry8062

Жыл бұрын

Amen sister

@sbook001

Жыл бұрын

I think it might have caught Rachel off guard there as well. Not sure how to read her expression on that one. But I agree, there are times, like with my soon to be ex Son in law. All I could do was nod, smile & bite my tongue, as it simply wasn't my place to tell him what to do. (and Lord KNOWS I wanted to)

Waits to get married to find out he relies on mom for everything. She's not a helicopter parent, she's a lawnmower parent of "I'll just do it for you".

@cherylbroadenax1006

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. I had a helicopter mother in law. It did something to our marriage. After 12 yrs I left and didn’t look back. His mom was lied the wife and I was the outsider. She was way out of line.

@brendondowdy5651

Жыл бұрын

Let's also just remember this is her side of the story. Maybe they are completely terrible with money and she's actually helping.

@thelogicaldanger

Жыл бұрын

@@brendondowdy5651 That is irrelevant if the MIL is actually helping. People are adults and have the right to make their own bad decisions. The married couple should have made their own budget together, and if they had a particular issue, then they both could have asked the MIL together. If DIL doesn't want MIL involved, then MIL should not be asked.

@genxx2724

Жыл бұрын

@@brendondowdy5651 If they needed help setting up a budget, it may have been more comfortable to pay a bookkeeper to organize it and explain than to have MIL know all their business.

@brendondowdy5651

Жыл бұрын

@@genxx2724 maybe but more than anything sounds like this lady needs to grow up. After your married your all family. If you can't get along with family don't get married.

I'm scared of what kind of help mommy's going to offer when they decide to try for kids.

@hansonallie

Жыл бұрын

😮😂😅

@bettysmith4527

Жыл бұрын

Let's hope they realize the aren't on the same page, and the marriage isn't working, before that happens! They are both way to young anyway! I am finding the key to a happy life is to stay single!

@tessellationarts2971

Жыл бұрын

@@bettysmith4527 just because you are traumatized doesn't mean everyone should be too. Badmouthing a normal functioning family just dealing with a small hurdle into a divorce talks a lot about you as a person. Prolly why you're having trouble keeping a healthy relationship too - try look into that.

@sonalioberoi

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@wheel-man5319

Жыл бұрын

🤢🤢🤢

This ends in divorce

Another great video from the Ramsey show particularly for young women. The guy she is describing here is without question the type of guy YOU DO NOT WANT TO MARRY. If any man brings his parents into your relationship thats an issue. Its one of the biggest red flags for a woman, that and if he constantly compares you to prior girlfriends. For this woman its to late, she is married/legally bound to him. For all you other young women who might be dating a man like this or engaged get out now, you've been warned. Otherwise prepare to share your entire life with your inlaws.

@jackiem9460

Жыл бұрын

Yes. RUN!

@LisaLisaCJ

Жыл бұрын

I was married to one. She told him to leave me and he did. After 26 years. He is remarried and he calls him and runs his house now with his new wife

@georgewagner7787

Жыл бұрын

26 years wow. She will answer to God for that

@ShaneRM878

Жыл бұрын

Not too late, they are in their 20s with no kids and probably minimal assets. Easy divorce

She should go to counseling on her own if he won’t go. It might give her some better communication tools. So far, begging, pleading, crying and “knowing everything” hasn’t worked out that well.

@JS-sv4ol

Жыл бұрын

I agree we shouldn’t over sympathize with her. There’s two sets of parents involved and Dave saw right through it

@vjs4539

Жыл бұрын

But will mother in law allow that in the budget?

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

I think the wife thinks that begging and pleading makes him consider her (justified and reasonable) wishes. She used the term begging several time, and he just disrespects her. He does not even try to make the budget FIRST with her and then he can see how it works. In the middle of it he runs to mommy. She makes it easy for him to paint her as the childish one because of begging. But it is not about the communication style. She needs to be much more determined. However, that will create a crisis (a much needed one). Either SHE will be the most important woman in his life and the lady of the house - or MIL has that role. And she is the odd one. Then she is better off to divorce him. Quickly. of course he is against counseling. Afraid a professional outsider tells him how weird he is.

@patriciaalbertson5183

4 ай бұрын

Yeah... She needs confidence in having a backbone! NOBODY is taking my papers OUT of my house!

@nildabridgeman8104

4 ай бұрын

Your crazy if you think a councilor will offer any help. Nothing will change this sick & twisted relationship. I BEEN THERE.. mamma's boy's NEVER CHANGE!

Big reason why you should look at a budget together before you get married. Need to see how compatible you are with how you manage money.

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

I agree with this

@faxoxo2306

Жыл бұрын

That’s a new one ❤

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

Yes on the budget and you need to discuss if and when you want children and what religion you will follow (if your choose a religion)and how much you will let each others families allowed in your business!

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

It was actually part of our marriage counseling. I wish it had been FPU, but it was zero based budgeting.

I wonder how good his mom will be at making his budget when 50% of it is going to alimony lol

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

@ruesy6808 intimate details, really? It’s his mom! I wouldn’t care if my mom knew my finances or anyone else

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

@ruesy6808 close friends and family knowing my finances means what exactly? Swear y’all be overreacting a lot in these comments over dumb ish

@georgewagner7787

Жыл бұрын

It's not about them knowing. It's about mom controlling and doing the budget they should do as a couple

@ThomasFerrugia

Жыл бұрын

@@reese85 : Yes. But perhaps your spouse isn't so easy-breezy.

@blackspiderman1887

Жыл бұрын

@@reese85 just because you are sloppy and want everyone to know your business doesn't mean that it's a good idea. Personal finances should stay personal

I enjoyed seeing Rachel's facial reaction. It spoke more words than anyone in this video.

@faxoxo2306

Жыл бұрын

Lol that’s why I had to watch this on KZread. First listened to this on podcast and laughed so hard

The husband and wife should do the budget together find time one day a week and work over their budget together

@BearWithMe-Jillian

Жыл бұрын

@@Austenfan177 No, it's not necessarily a bad match. It just sounds like both are immature and need to grow up and learn to handle things as adults and learn to work together. I've never been married, but I'd guess most couples (and really, most adults whether in a relationship or not) need to learn these things. Some may be further along than others, but I doubt many people arrive at adulthood fully mature and great at healthy relationships.

@n.w.414

5 ай бұрын

I think he is just lazy when it comes to finances, and probably lots of other things. That’s why he has so much debt. Mommy has probably done all the hard stuff so baby didn’t have to. So figuring out a budget is beyond his skill set, too much for his brain so he gladly hands it off to mommy. He needs to grow up and be a man, but I don’t have much hope. He has already been so mean to his young wife.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

@@BearWithMe-Jillian I can honestly say I got married at 18 and never had my parent or an in law make me a budget..and at 62 I’m still doing my budget..my in-laws could never even stick to a budget and were always borrowing money from us as my fil refused to work..

I disagree that he is the only problem. MIL's offer to take over the budget was a huge boundary violation. Now if she had repeatedly asked DIL's permission to make sure she wanted this, perhaps she would not have fault.

@Jane-rh7tc

16 күн бұрын

i think he's still the biggest problem here, his mom just one of the symptoms, most likely with the way he disrespect his spouse, he would let anyone walk all over her and their marriage, cause he allows it to happen, therefore, he is the root problem

When Dave said..."Who is the child, he called his mom"? She said, "Exactly, so I called my parents". I cackled. Also she sounds young and has not yet figured out how to control her house.

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

Yes she too ran to her parents. BUT she would have made the budget with her spouse. I think she is shaken and rightly so. That sounds like a major red flag, almost as bad as having an affair.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

@@franziskani it’s like he’s having an affair with his mommy

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

They’ve been married a year. It’ll take her time to figure how to run her house. If her husband doesn’t remove himself from mama’s womb.

She called her mommy on his mommy???? Both of them need to grow up!

@jamisojo

2 ай бұрын

Maybe her relationship with her parents is actually healthy. Is it okay to call her parents to check if you're going crazy or not.

I love what Dave said at the end about his son in law with so much respect toward him! That’s awesome. ❤

Frankly I'd tell her it's time to consider divorce.

This marriage ain't gonna work.

@MyNameIsFredFuchs

Жыл бұрын

Shes already getting folded like origami

@TharsanJeyachandran

11 ай бұрын

​@@MyNameIsFredFuchsit's probs over by now

@lang6626

10 ай бұрын

Any follow up

@bernadette573

4 ай бұрын

I bet divorced by now. Too much drama, name-calling, and in-laws triggered to hate the spouse. Game Over.

@kingmorrison749

3 ай бұрын

💯💯💯

One of the most romantic things my husband ever did for me was to tell his mother that she needed to respect me and respect our marriage if she wanted a place in our lives. Almost 20 years later, we actually have a great relationship with his mom.

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

I had some very rough years with my husband’s mother. He’s the baby and was definitely a mama’s boy. After about 10 years of marriage, she crossed a big line for me. I went no contact with her and out down some massive boundaries. He was not happy at all, but I didn’t budge. Eventually he started laying down his own boundaries. And years later, we’re in a better place. I still have limited contact with his mom and he knows not to push it. He also admitted he’s come a long way from the young 21 year man to a 39 year old father of three.

@jamisojo

2 ай бұрын

​@@BlueDauntlessI'm blown away to some men like their mothers this much or they are that agreeable to someone like that. My mom doesn't have anything I need as an adult. Her opinion is useless.

Your situation will not change.. He is correct in saying counseling won’t help. This sort of attachment runs deeper than you can swim to the top. Mama/ daddy boys / girls is a nightmare for a marriage. btw children will make it 100 x worse! I speak from experience.

@ryanyoung9202

Жыл бұрын

☝️ ALL OF THIS

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

Yes..I am finding this out after being married 43 years..the last 5 years has been nothing but a mamas boy and it makes me sick…I never did put my mom or dad before my hubby (even though my precious mil said I put my dad before my hubby when my dad had a stroke and I went to help my mom with him 3x a week and I was always home with dinner fixed when my hubby got home)I thought “you entitled bitch one day you’ll need help” and she does now and hubby puts her before me but she doesn’t see that..I’m married to the ultimate mommys boy..we live next door and he goes up there 2-3x a day calls her at least 4x a day and calls her to tell her every time we leave the house and when we’ll be back and if we’re not back by then she calls to see where we are..and she has a son living with her so she’s not alone..I’m so sick of this..like Dave says my hubbys the problem she just a symptom..it’s hard not to hate them both..she 85 and refusing to do anything for herself, she sits in her recliner and waits for her son to bring her meals, meds, water and anything she needs, and she’s in better health than 2 of her children..she’s lazy and entitled and bosses her son around (the one living with her) and he’s just waiting till she passes so he can have the house..I hope to God when she’s gone my hubby doesn’t start treating his brother like he does his mom now

@Barneyjo

4 ай бұрын

@@Shopgirl1 when my husbands helicopter dad died my husband had a break down and said… I guess I’m a grown up now. I was like WTH 🙄 pretty sad

In-laws are tough! This caller has my sympathies and I hope they get it figured out.

He has the gumpsion to say she is acting like a child?!?! 😂 total mama's boy

This would be an immediate deal-breaker. Husband or not.

How would he like it if her dad come over to show him how to be the man if he didn’t want it , It is an insult He is disrespecting his wife.

This is such a larger problem in society than people like to admit. You hear about generational family trauma and this is one of the versions that flies under the radar until a son tries to have an adult, committed romance.

These aren't adults. They are little babies.

@sblijheid

Жыл бұрын

Not babies, immature adults.

@jimroscovius

Жыл бұрын

@@sblijheid VERY immature adults.

what people are failing to understand is that it's going to be more than just the budget he' gonna have his mom get involved for and nice you open that door, good luck closing it

@Jane5720

Жыл бұрын

The audience understands

@michelleh4717

Жыл бұрын

@@Jane5720 have you gone through the comment section?

@Sheryl777

Жыл бұрын

@@michelleh4717 I really think there are a couple of "commenters" here who are just playing games with others to tell the truth. They don't really care about any of this, they just seem to care about seeing if they can get people going or not.

@michelleh4717

Жыл бұрын

@@Sheryl777 you have more faith in the world than I do. I see the misogynistic comments on all dave ramsey videos

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

@@Sheryl777 I’m being very truthful in my comments! I don’t see anything wrong. A lot of women are just in their feeling with this call

Good luck to this couple. Of course they need to figure out their own budget. They need to adult-up and figure it out.

@tst128

Жыл бұрын

The girl is, the boy isn't.

Wow that is absolutely wild. Husband needs to figure out how to emotionally leave the nest 🪺 🤦‍♀️

As a husband, you must protect your wife from intrusive in laws. Those past loyalties are simmered down for the health and well-being of your marriage.

@cheapyweepy5651

Жыл бұрын

My brother was a mama’s boy. His wife was always annoyed with that. Then when my mom developed dementia he couldn’t handle her finances. So he put it on his wife. I didn’t have a say. And my other brothers didn’t want to get involved and took my sister in-laws side with everything. As a married man, would you ever put that on your wife, and ignore your sister taking care of your mom 24/7 and being mean to her? That’s what happened. And then my mom was abused in the memory care unit and I didn’t know until my niece told me about it

The husband is all kind of wrong but he didn’t get this way overnight. I’m sure he’s done all sorts of goofy stuff while they were dating but she ignored the signs. The hubby definitely needs to grow up and start respecting his wife.

Imagine having to think about marriage counselling at 23. This is why kids shouldn't marry the first person they meet.

@John-es7ts

Жыл бұрын

disagree with this comment. Marriage counseling is not bad. There is no perfect marriage. As a church pastor I would often suggest couples start marriage counseling before they got married. Be proactive. Marriage is a journey...my wife and I have many issues...but we see our issues as areas we can grow and become more united over time. A whole different perspective then marriage counseling is bad.

@ObeyDaqSwaqq

10 ай бұрын

23 is an adult! They’ve been grown for 5 yrs. I’m from the south and I grew up w girls who got married the summer of highschool graduation and my 20 yr old sister goes to TSU and all of her friends are married now! Just bc you are from a town that doesn’t value family doesn’t mean you should push loneliness onto others🤷🏾‍♀️ 23 is old enough to pay taxes, go to prison, get married, have sex, become a parent, rent an apartment, and buy a home so wtf do you mean “kids”🤔🤦🏾‍♀️ If a 23 yr old man slept w a 16 yr old he would rightfully be called a child predator as we saw with John Deloney’s call w the exact same situation! Everyone agreed that the 23 yr old husband was old enough to know not to sleep w a 16 yr old girl! Nobody called that grown ass man a kid!

@susanawoloson1105

10 күн бұрын

Well when you get married in the church you have counseling before you get married. It is to have you discuss things that you might not have thought of. But counseling recommended here is a way to get a third party involved to hold the pushy mother-in-law at bay. Husband is in the wrong for not supporting his wife. They are headed for trouble; my advice.

@david1731048

10 күн бұрын

@@ObeyDaqSwaqq "Just bc you are from a town that doesn’t value family doesn’t mean you should push loneliness onto others" lots of assumptions you're making there! There isn't a binary option of marrying at 18 or being lonely forever. I guess in my experience a lot of people in their early 20s are still very immature, and here in Europe it's extremely unusual for people aged 18-22 to be getting married these days. In fact getting married before 30 puts you in the minority now. Which doesn't mean we don't 'value' family, we just value it enough to make sure we get our lives sorted, choose the right person and lay the right foundations. If that means marrying at 30 or so, then so what.

Did he marrry his mom or the wife? Seems like it’s the former

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

I’m wondering if that why my hubby no longer touches me..I’ve read sometimes men will stop sleeping with their wives because he thinks I’m his mother (he actually bought me a Mother’s Day card years ago that said “you’ve been like a mother to me” but he’s diabetic so I think that part of my life is over now just waiting for mil to pass so I can at least have some peace with my husband not feeling like I’m second all the time!

My wife would have suggested I lay my head at my mommy's house.

@jandramardges3368

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like a keeper to me!

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

Smart woman and you’re a smart man for not running to mommy!

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

As she should

Leave his ass, leave before it’s too late!!

Reminds me of being 5 years old when any disagreements between us kids were solved by having our parents get involved

Before you marry a person people need to ask their future spouse if they believe in counseling. If they don't, do not marry them.

It probably would have been ok to consult the MIL after they sat down to do the budget but to have her come and do it and take it home…unnecessary.

Three notches to far and it will get worse, leave before you have children.

Unfortunately this marriage isn't going to work because her husband is already taken, by his MOM!

This relationship with his mom is so normal to him that he doesn't see anything wrong with it. Sad...

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

He needs a reality check. Which a mentor or good therapist can give him.

Why are people so quick to say they need a divorce. It is only a year for the young couple. They need to learn to be a proper team!

@lauraoergel6003

Жыл бұрын

Be a team when you can manage your own finances and relationships, they just got married as children

@sblijheid

Жыл бұрын

Because that divorce is coming. Just cut it short.

@jokraemer3516

4 ай бұрын

Because the husband is refusing to man up and respect and cleave to his wife. She can't force him to do right, she can only leave if he refuses. Or she can suffer in her marriage for the rest of her life being financially/emotionally abused by this mommas boy who wants to give his mother control of both their lives.

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

I’m not a big supporter of divorce at the first sign of trouble. But this is a known issue. He is blatantly disregarding his wife. And he refuses to fix it. She has options. One is to set firm boundaries and issue consequences when those are broken. But she can’t change him. So that kind of just leaves her other option of divorcing this guy. What would you do if your spouse of a year completely ignored your wishes, did what he wanted, and refused to acknowledge YOU as his partner in the marriage? If he’s willing to play, this can change. But it sounds like he isn’t.

@annwallace3441

Ай бұрын

If one person is willing to do the work and the other isn’t, then it’s a no-win situation. People make mistakes. Just cut your losses if you are with someone who refuses to change.

There isn’t anything wrong with asking for advice from your parents. But there also isn’t anything wrong with agreeing to boundaries with your spouse… which includes her calling her parents and bringing their opinions into it repeatedly. Both of these people have maturity shortages. Him especially, but her too. Dave’s comment at the end about the head of a family with a “big old shadow” being aware of their some and influence was also very wise as well, very worth thinking on.

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

He should not ask for advice before he even TRIED to make the budget with her. he started with inviting the mother first, wife was offended and irritated (and rightly so). Then - on another day - they had started to do the budget and again he runs off in the middle of it and calls his mother. One of the effects of making the budget together ! is that both feel committment. They have to compromise how much he will spend on sports and she will spend on Starbucks or her nails. The making of the budget is not something you should delegate. It is not a normal accounting job.

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

He disrespects his wife big time. Her MIL is the most important woman in his life (she is good for sex, cooking, and depositing her paycheque, but if it is her opinion over unsolicited advice of the mother, it is the mother he runs towards. And his mother is complicit in the game.

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

Money in a relationship shows the power dynamic. Oops. The wife is the fifth wheel here.

Hope she’s using good birth control. This situation is never going to improve. Leave now honey.

Sorry to hear this!!!!!...your marriage is over my question..why you didn't see this coming while dating? He will pick his mom over you until the day she dies......no marriage couselor will fix this.

@caroldorsett8170

3 ай бұрын

Exactly

@jamisojo

2 ай бұрын

How do we fix your writing ms. certainty?

She had to have seen this before marriage

@shells500tutubo

2 ай бұрын

She's young, and I remember being with some boyfriend for a while and the next year reflecting, "what the hell was I thinking about being with him?" Happens to the best of us.

When should parents realize not to meddle with their children's married lives? To give counsel or pieces of advice is totally normal and expected, but to do the things that should be their responsibility is way overboard.

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

MIL is a nightmare

I don't think this husband will understand the marriage boundary he overstepped, by ignoring his wife's wishes, until he FEELS it personally. The wife should have HER parents come over to sit down with their daughter and son-in-law, and look over the budget, and give advice. Maybe THEN, he will understand what he put his wife through.

@doubles1545

Жыл бұрын

There’s an old saying, two wrongs don’t make a right. If she followed your advice, then she’s no better than he is.

@thomasd5488

Жыл бұрын

@@doubles1545 I disagree. I'll bet you think spanking a rebellious, disrespectful child, also falls under the two wrongs don't make a right saying. I think of it as a teaching moment, for the husband.

@sblijheid

Жыл бұрын

@Thomas D I think double s missed the demonstration of overstepping boundaries that you implied.

Hahahah… I usually don’t listen to these right after I see the notification but I saw the title of this one and I was like: “Nope! This can’t wait!” Also, this couple has more problems than they can see because the man seems to really not care about what his wife thinks and respect her input and that is not good. I hope they solve that.

@sblijheid

Жыл бұрын

I may not walk this earth long enough, but I've never seen a momma's boy issue resolved in a marriage. It usually ends in divorce.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

Exactly..been living with hubby running to his mommy telling her our problems/business for years…hubbys the problem, mommys the symptom

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

@@sblijheidOurs was. It wasn’t easy by any means. And it needed strong boundaries and clear communication. I’m still not a huge fan of my MIL, and they both can live with that.

Mommy, can I buy this? 🤣

@nancydutt7520

5 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What an insightful advice from Dave!

Yes!! "Boundaries"

I think Dave misunderstood the text situation. From what the caller said Mother in-law had sent a text to both the caller and her husband saying “here’s your budget!” And then caller responded “we will decide what to do with our money.” I don’t think there was anything inappropriate about that. Dave made it sound like she text MIL after an argument with her husband. It’s hard to keep the conversation in the marriage when husband brought his mother into it.

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

Agreed

She may want to budget in a divorce lawyer.

@MARINEJONFIT

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@britneyog9537

Жыл бұрын

Yes! And, tell the MIL to go ahead and include that in while she is working on it. 😉

Budgeting is private and doesn't need to involve family. If he was single and wanted his mother's input that would be different. I recommend KZread buget videos. Lots of great info and most follow Dave's model.

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

Just get FPU.

Why beg and plead. Tell him NO

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

If she’s like me, u beg and plead for your hubby to love you and put u first as he’s so attached to mommy he doesn’t seem to care if what he does hurts you..but no begging or pleading will make a mommys boy put u first..I’m hoping when she’s gone..she’s 85..hopefully she’ll pass before I do then maybe I’ll be my husbands first priority

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

She did. He ignored her.

@jamisojo

2 ай бұрын

​​@@Shopgirl1 I'm not sure begging/pleading can work. Drawing a boundary isn't a begging thing. You draw it with your determination. If they refuse to obey it, you punish them, or leave them. Pleading sounds very weak... like hoping they will see your side.

I am always happy to HELP if ASKED. But this is Insane.

Begged and pleaded? Replace that with, I told him his mother is not helping us with our budget, period.

If both spouses agree, I think there's nothing wrong with taking a look at a mock/example budget with general numbers for some guidance while they do their own, but there's no need for her to have knowledge of their exact income and expenses and have final say on anything and get out her red pen like a 7th grade teacher marking an exam. If you can't make your own budget, then you definitely can't stick to one.

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

The value of the spouses making the budget is they get an overview of the numbers and a realistic view on their cost of living Doing the sums can be surprising. The "only" 10 and 50 and 20 USD add up over the year Getting an idea what they need as the absolute minimum, that can be comforting when there is unemployment sense of accomplishment *_The act of negotiating with the spouse AND with reality. And the COMMITMENT that comes from the effort of agreeing on a budget._* His car tuning versus her nails - and they have cc of 8,000 open which means at 20 % interest - which is realistic right now - they yearly pay 1,600 USD in interest. There go her nails and his toys. And it might take them a while and some struggle and back and forth to give it up. The compromise. Giving up things - first in writing. Then for real by sticking to the budget. That they both wrestled with. - The budget has no room for it: they get aquainted with the idea that they can't have it. Later there is still the sticking to the budget, which can be hard and requires discipline. But the budget is the first step of demonstrating the willingness to make do without (toys, hair extenstions, starbucks and dining out). Finding a bigger goal that they pursue in an united effort. if one partners tries to stray (let's go out for pizza, what difference does it make) the other one will be steadfast. After all they have skin in the game

My 5:00 mark opinion, if there's no kids, run, take your mulligan and enjoy a future marriage with someone else.

I’d love to hear that this couple worked this out.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

I would too but don’t expect it as they are just a year into marriage and if it’s started out with hubby running to mom for something like this and not trusting his wife to help work out their budget when she probably knows more of what they have going out then him or his mommy..if she’s smart she’ll leave..believe me I’ve been with a mamas boy for 43 years and the last 5 years have been hell! I’d love to have a peaceful, drama free life before it’s my time to leave this world

This is why you can test drive a car before buying it. Please date around a bit before just locking yourself in with a mommas boy or daddy’s girl

@wufflerdance9481

Жыл бұрын

you dont even have to date around...You just gotta date seriously as in ask questions about things that matter. see how they interact with their family. Ask about goals...opinions

@sblijheid

Жыл бұрын

@Wuffler Dance Exactly. People give clear signs, but those pink glasses give off such clouds, that they miss the elephant in the room.

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

Premarital counseling incl. making the budget for the future. This lazy attitude (I want to delegate to mommy) would have showed.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

@@sblijheid rose colored glasses 🤓

the way he speaks to his wife, i’d be calling a divorce lawyer

"We know everything"...Rachel's face lol

I dated a mamas boy for 7yrs, and he had 3 sisters to boot which made it even worse. I am never going to be with a guy that has that many women on his life controlling him ever again lol lesson learned. My advice to her is RUN because mama boys don’t grow up. ❌

Me and Dave busted out laughing at the same time

My mother is the overbearing! Dave props to you!!!!! So good

I suspect there is more going on here

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

Ya. Her husband is super enmeshed and doesn’t understand boundaries.

Run run run!!!!

My in laws did the exact same thing! Interestingly, we did our own thing. I will say we didn't have Ramsey Solutions; we made lots of mistakes along the way, however, they were our mistakes.

A year in, wow. Marriage is going great. Good luck, Girl!

My elderly parents ask us for advice now 🙂

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

Yep..my in-laws didn’t want my opinion but now that she’s 85 she says she can’t make it without me but she’s put me down saying horrible things about me for 43 years but now that she needs help I’m the best thing since sliced bread!

@jimroscovius

4 ай бұрын

@@Shopgirl1 That's sad. I always had a great relationship with my parents. They gave me good advice, so now I give them good advice 🙂

I say do your own budget and if you want a little overview than have someone take a peak. Utimately you are in control. You have to live with it

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

We had friends who taught FPU help us when we started budgeting. They would have looked at us like we were crazy if we asked them to take our stuff and make a budget for us. It entirely defeats the point. What they did was go over Dave’s material and showed us how they set their budget up. And then answered questions when we were stuck. The husband is a giant mama’s boy.

Would love an update on this one!

absolutely not, I would not even let my parents, or my wife's parents know a single detail of our budget. That's NO ONES business. Dear lord.

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

Who cares, about who knows! They can’t do nothing with it

@carlosgarcia-jz3dq

Жыл бұрын

@@reese85 but then comes the jealously and requests, the pressure, so no, don't ever tell anyone what you have, as far as the world is concerned its a mystery.

@reese85

Жыл бұрын

I could care less about family and friends knowing my income! They can’t do nothing with it

Grab back the checkbook & the financial records & see a lawyer ASAP... to defend your rights against this team of your husband & his mother!!

I refuse to do ANYONE's budget. I'm happy to share my budget template, and suggest percentages, but at the end of the day the people living within the budget need to craft it themselves.

@BlueDauntless

3 ай бұрын

I mean, that’s really the only way it works, right?

I'd love to make budgets for others as well.....but I would only do it if they wanted me too. I wouldn't insist to let me into their finances, I will however say if you ever want help with your finances I'm here to help.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

And if it’s your child you’re talking to you need to say that to your child AND their spouse

Run as fast as you can!

Get thee to marriage counseling. My mother-in-law would have loved this much control and info. She worked a few hours a week at the store we bought from them and she nosed into as much as she could and did not keep opinions to herself and she kept nothing secret such customers accounts.

I’m 29 and still ask my parents for help with things. I’m not married though. I just genuinely know they’re wiser than me.

@Shopgirl1

4 ай бұрын

It’s ok to ask a parents opinion but if you get married your spouse and their opinion should come first not mamas and daddys

Say no this isn’t happening unless you want to be single

Loved the suggestion at 9:27🤣🤣🤣🤣

If he does not change get a lawyer, you must go fast..pray 1st, marriage counseling, therapy, speak to a pastor 🎊💚🎊

That is awful. You are not crazy.

I cannot tell you the number of adult children who want to and do take over their parent’s budget. I think that talking through money is HUGE.

if mom will also take his dirty laundry home to wash and fold, she could go for this