Stepped away from Christianity officially this past week. Starting searching for deconstructing videos. Found yours. And it’s been so helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏻

@davidsabillon5182

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!

@elisabethscott20

2 жыл бұрын

Check out Belief it or Not!!!

@c.lineofficial

2 жыл бұрын

@@elisabethscott20 I LOVE that channel!

@scubatastic

2 жыл бұрын

You made a terrible mistake. Jesus is literally so precious even tho many Christians are terrible to be around

@elisabethscott20

2 жыл бұрын

@@scubatastic you are so terribly misguided, I feel sorry for you.

You know, I've always been an atheist, but I've been in various forums where people talk about how hurt they've been by religion, and evangelical christianity in particular, and I just feel so much compassion for you guys and the struggle you've gone through. There is so much love in this world and I don't care what anyone believes as long as they can put that above everything else. Proud of you!

@ready1fire1aim1

2 жыл бұрын

1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics 2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion) 3) good luck :)

@ilovegir

2 жыл бұрын

@@ready1fire1aim1 philosophe from someone that doesn't even Know what a germ is. I would study him closely. NOT

@ready1fire1aim1

2 жыл бұрын

@@ilovegir Rationalist metaphysics and germs have what in common? I can't follow your logic. Not sure you can either.

@ilovegir

2 жыл бұрын

@@ready1fire1aim1 makes you feel intelgent does he now. I find it amusing. Your adorable.

@ilovegir

2 жыл бұрын

@@ready1fire1aim1 does rational metaphysics and Nag Hammadi get you a lot of dates or are you just to smart to bother with the ladies.

THANK YOU for sharing your story!!! I'm so glad I found this channel. I married into this lifestyle 10 years ago. My ex came from a quiverfull-ish family, homeschooled and then later private schooled at a school ran by his church. I had been warned by insiders who had escaped that lifestyle and outsiders who were looking in that it was weird and dangerous and to stay away. I didn't believe them. Fast forward a few years and I would find myself a slave in my own home. No job, no vehicle, forced to homeschool 2 children, broke, depressed, suicidal suffering from crippling anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. All day, cook, clean, kids. We were poor. Our trailer was crumbling around us. We went months with no hot water and were always behind on bills. When I finally pleaded for my husband to get a better job, he accused me of being worldly and I needed to be content with what we had; that I was unhappy with our life because I was putting my faith in man (him) and not God. He took his role as man of the house quite seriously but did nothing to provide and protect, always instead, accusing me of simply not being content. He had me convinced the problem was with ME and always had scripture to support his claims. I thought maybe I truly wasn't being a good Christian so I decided to study the Bible from page one and learn theology so I can get on up to "his level" and be a better Christian like him. Like many apostates, that was the beginning of the end. I lost faith after a long terrifying and lonely struggle to make it all make sense. I tried to hide that I was no longer a Christian because I was so scared of what my husband would do to me if he ever found out. Eventually I had to “come out of the closet”. He knew he didn't have a way to control me anymore and he became hostile, nasty, and emotionally abusive - so I left. Now I’m on the outside looking in, seeing women my age working on their 6th, 7th, 8th child… far removed from the rest of society - just huddled about in their safe little bubble… enthusiastically embracing domestic slavery in the name of the lord. I have zero regrets. I am free and I will never go back to that.

@aazhie

2 жыл бұрын

How scary, but very glad you found your way out

@sonjawalkerreactionscommen3501

2 жыл бұрын

Oops, I deleted my comment by accident. For those who didn't have a chance to see, I live in a building specifically for disabled people. I have a visual impairment. I had a die-hard Christian care worker coming over to help me with the cleaning. She got upset with me because there was one day before she came that I decided to put in my laundry myself to save her the trouble, and I barely started the process when she yelled at me, saying that I didn't trust her. The biggest red flag I think I ever saw was when she said, "I don't do this for you, I do this for God. God will make me pay!" They do it for their ego, not God. They're narcissists. Probably some of the scariest narcissists on the planet. It's so well disguised that no one fully understands until they really analyze what happened.

@gwynethjones3503

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story.

@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX

2 жыл бұрын

religiosity absent of regeneration isn't true Christianity. you do everything apart from faith, it's all based upon works. it's only by the grace of GOD through faith in Him are we saved. it's only by the life, death, and resurrection of the LORD JESUS CHRIST that we're saved. it's only by a turning away from a lifestyle of sin and a turning to GOD that we're saved. a little prayer doesn't save you. good works don't save you. going to church and reading the Bible don't save you. true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST and baptism of the Holy Spirit is true Christianity. you must be born again.

@RevertedRashidah

Жыл бұрын

@@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX the illusion of regeneration is created BY the religiosity.

Your videos are so raw for me. Married at 20 (evangelical raised) for 26 years. Raised my 3 kids the same. Now apologizing to them and definitely not religious. Thank you so much for posting these.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

@faithd2046

Жыл бұрын

Yay I’m so proud of you 🥹❤️

@theharshtruthoutthere

Жыл бұрын

@@faithd2046 To some a reminder, to some, new information: Bible banns not judging, Judging must be always righteous, not a false one. Being judgmental is not banned. After all Christians themselves must and are called to give a judgment daily to themselves. Christian is in daily battle against his or hers sinful flesh. Christian is busy winning souls to GOD, not letting satan having them. Christian prepares the most hardest times ahead, TRIBULATION - satan kingdom for 7 years. In which he or she, must be willing to get beheaded for CHRIST and for the Gospels sake. That`s what waits all those Christians who were left behind in rapture. Christian prays for the blessed hope - rapture , an escape from this nightmare which is coming. Christians are of a sound mind = 2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. You left Christianity? - souls, you were never in the reality. One thing you all , who "left" leave out, is , SINFUL NATURE, WHOLE MANKIND SUFFERS FROM. Those lived in the 1st testament timeline, now , in church age and timeline to come, tribulation, all times mankind suffers from sinful nature. Before claiming GOD to be evil, 1st learn to understand HIS reasons. Mankind WAS IS AND REMAIN SICK AND EVIL. Many amongst us are: John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. Why is Christianity seek`d from religions and Christ amongst the dead? The easy answer to the statement “ left Christianity” is - the love for the lies. Sins are held more precious then the truth.

I left the evangelical religion in the late 1980s. I was gay and really struggling. The hell doctrine was also affecting me. I've learnt soooo much since then. Evangelical christianity can come across as so innocuous, but dig deeper and it is quite ugly. And watch out if you tell the church you want to leave because that's when the real, nasty manipulation ramps up!

Religion tends to breed insanely controlling narcissistic parents unfortunately. I’ve gone through it myself. I’ve had to totally cut family off in order to happily live my life with my wife and little family. Always look after your self ❤️

@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX

2 жыл бұрын

religiosity absent of regeneration isn't true Christianity. you do everything apart from faith, it's all based upon works. it's only by the grace of GOD through faith in Him are we saved. it's only by the life, death, and resurrection of the LORD JESUS CHRIST that we're saved. it's only by a turning away from a lifestyle of sin and a turning to GOD that we're saved. a little prayer doesn't save you. good works don't save you. going to church and reading the Bible don't save you. true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST and baptism of the Holy Spirit is true Christianity. you must be born again.

@patrickgerard2016

Жыл бұрын

my mother is the only one of my family who still claims to be a catholic. she also happens to be a severely psychologically and verbally abusive narcissist. my mother's mother was the same exact way. had this holier-than-thou attitude but was horrible and abusive. i've also had to cut off a lot of family (and then be gaslit for it, of course). I get you.

@nathanjohnston1176

Жыл бұрын

Growing up, my parents based our whole identity on hating a church I had never attended. They could never shut up about it. And my mom constantly excitedly mocked Christianity and blamed all the world's problems on it and the "patriarchy." She emotionally abused my dad nonstop and occasionally physically abused her children. When my Dad would try to stop her, she would accuse him of being a misogynist, controlling husband. She gave her children a very dim view of feminism and liberalism. And I believe this is why recent studies show that more than 50% of Gen Z(both genders) believe feminism has destroyed our society, despite Idiot millennials gushing about how liberal we adorable gen z are. I was tired of all the empty identity my mom gave me, so I accepted Islam. My mom told me I was betraying my heritage. I'm fucking tired of Western culture and how people can base their entire identity on confronting a random church that no longer has a fucking thing to do with them!

@marcomoreno6748

Жыл бұрын

@@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX "true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST" What does this entail, in your own words?

@KingdomStateOfMind91

Жыл бұрын

Some religious parents are like that but narcissism has to do more with the person than their beliefs, just like a LGBTQ person can be narcissistic if their child would want to be a Christian . But I think we all are narcissistic to some extent to be honest

Although I was not raised in a family that was religious (I would have loved it as a child if they were! - we could have been druids as far as my mom was concerned), I "felt the call" early in my life. I was always drawn to the church, looking back, probably because of how orderly and "nice" it seemed - especially when compared with my chaotic/abusive home. I got on a church bus as a 5 year old and went to church, where I was served kool-aid and cookies and told that Jesus loved me. I liked that part. Back then, there was not a separate, "children's church", so kids stayed in the sanctuary. I listened, transfixed and terrified as the preacher shouted about hell and how I was going there if I didn't "get saved". I remember crying in my bed at night because I wanted to "be saved" but didn't really understand how. I went to church on and off from that time and finally, "got saved" at the age of 17 (because I was still so scared of hell!). Later, I would reconfirm my faith and "really" "get saved" because by the ripe age of 20, I finally understood how dirty, disgusting, and sinful I was. From there forward, I was God's Girl. I did it all by the book because, like you, I LOVED Jesus and wanted to please him. He was such a friend to me. He got me through so much and I really, truly just wanted the whole world to have what I felt I had. I got married and my husband became a deacon. I studied The Word and hid it in my heart that I might not sin. I tried my best to be what Jesus wanted and to grow ever closer in my relationship with Him. Through all of this, though, there was always a little, horribly doubting part of me (it was my analytical brain that was the problem). Like you, I had a LOT of trouble squaring a Loving God with eternal damnation and burning punishment forever and ever andeverandeverandeverandever. Even for the worst of the worst sinners...just, why? Even for argument's sake, let's say, Hitler (most of us can agree he was a Baddie)...why must he be consciously, eternally punished? I mean, if it were up to me, I think i would assign a thousand years for each life he destroyed and then call it a day. How then, could God, who is said to be LOVE be satisfied only with the ETERNAL TORMENT of UN-redeemed sinners? How was it that I, a lowly human, seemed to contain more compassion than God. To believe in Hell was to have to accept that God was a masochistic psychopath. So, like you, I threw out believing in Hell. Also like you, the rest fell away, piece by piece from there (reading the book, "Misquoting Jesus" was also very instrumental in that - I naively thought we had, like, a master copy of the Bible stored away somewhere - lol). I also MOURNED the loss of My Friend Jesus. Once I was no longer a Believer, to whom could I turn? He had gotten me through so much! At least, that's what I believed at the time. Through a lot of years (and I mean decades!) of counseling, including EMDR therapy to help me overcome my CPTSD (long term childhood sexual abuse gave me that), I came to realize that *I* got me through so much. I had myself - always. I'm not perfect and never will be, but I'm there for me. I've got my back. It was me all along! And it's YOU! You are your best friend.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you so much for sharing this! I feel so seen and understood by your story and faith experiences. Your last few sentences are absolutely beautiful. I'm so inspired by your self-love and self-acceptance. I am working on my own relationship with myself and hope to truly be my own best friend someday. Thank you again!!

@livingthefullestlife

2 жыл бұрын

How did you read my thoughts? :))) It sounded like you read my thoughts, after the doctrine of hell fell apart, everything else fell apart. Then I watched near-death experiences, nonduality, quantum physics, etc and I can confirm with myself that Christianity can't be true. Christianity is a fear-based religion masked under love-based. I feel more love, and I love more after I left Christianity than when I was in it.

@vanillabean7832

2 жыл бұрын

I remember when I was still a teenager and in a Bible study session and they straight up told us to interpret the word “fear” as “love” in Bible verses. They gave us no explanation as to why we were supposed to do that and even they themselves looked unsure. I didn’t say anything but I was immediately confused on how it made sense to interpret it that way because I believed that there was no fear in love like it is stated in 1 John 4:18. I also vaguely remember having an argument with family member who told me that we should fear god, and I got kind of mad at her and told her something about god being love and not about fear. This makes me think that maybe this idea of fearing god played a bigger role in my doubts early on than I realized.

@kirstencorby8465

2 жыл бұрын

@@vanillabean7832 Wow, that is straight-up Orwellian. "Fear is love." And abusive. Horrible. You were right to doubt it from the beginning.

@anthonycolini8533

2 жыл бұрын

@@kirstencorby8465 If I only had myself to rely on I would be hopeless in this life.

I have been slowly deconstructing my whole life and didn’t even realize it. I’m so glad I’m out and get to be myself now.

Hearing about people deconstructing and being in the process myself, I am always reminded of someone going through a difficult breakup with a gaslighting, abusing, neglectful partner and finally breaking free.

❤️ As just another human on this planet, I feel compelled to say: I AM PROUD OF YOU. ❤️

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! That means so much to me :)

When you quoted 1 John 4:18, it really struck a chord with me. Seneca, an ancient Roman statesman said the same, and I think it might have been the inspiration for that Bible verse. He said: "Love and fear cannot be mingled." Every judgemental Christian needs to think about that.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

That's fascinating, thanks for sharing!

@mrsmorgann0000

2 жыл бұрын

She only quoted part of the scripture and therefore did not convey the full meaning. This is what happens when one cherry picks scripture without understanding, just to fit their narrative. The fullness of that scripture applies to those that are born again. They will have no fear when they appear before the throne of God. If you are not born again, there should be fear because you have reject the love of God. Please read the entire chapter, not just pick a part of a scripture because it sounds good.

@isitreallyso1897

2 жыл бұрын

@@mrsmorgann0000 I say this respectfully, not combatively. Where does the chapter mention being born again? And can I please ask you this - Have you read the context of the Seneca quote? No, you haven't. You're entitled to believe whatever you want. You're faith is a personal thing. But when you attempt to turn it into a uniquely true thing you reveal to everyone else just how empty your faith is. True faith would never have to rationalize like you have just done. Your faith in Christ is not based on reason or logic and that's fine. Embrace it. Love it. Live it. Jesus showed love and understanding and compassion. He didn't try to win people over with logical arguments. He acted, he lived. At least that's how I see him now. God bless you.

@anonymousjohnson976

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, and for christians who think it is alright to hit or spank their children need to read that verse. They read the other one where it says, "spare the rod and spoil the child" which, actually, is a mistranslation and should say "spare the instruction and spoil the child."

@nancyhanley6558

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. As Rabbi Harold Kushner explained (having ministered to many people, inc Christians), a loving God, if you choose to believe in such a being, would not advocate punishment for people exercising their right to think, and possibly not be a believer.

I just found your channel, and I'm so grateful. From what I've seen so far, I relate to nearly all of your experiences and I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for your vulnerability and authenticity. It means so much

Christianity destroyed my life. I spent 27 years in a cult. I see the bible as a book of lies. I also have PTSD. I will spend the rest of my life picking up the pieces. You are so brave!!

@octaviomartinez2935

3 жыл бұрын

The interpretation of the Christian version you embraced was destructive that I can agree with believing in Jesus is a positive thing.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for what you have experienced. I totally relate to the feeling of a lifetime of recovery ahead of us. Thanks so much for sharing and for your kind words!

@andrearobinson2512

3 жыл бұрын

@@ExFundieDiaries Thanks and YW. Looking forward to more videos 👍🏽

@issecret1

2 жыл бұрын

@@octaviomartinez2935 sure, your version is the one good one in thousands

@octaviomartinez2935

2 жыл бұрын

Are you sure it was Christianity or a toxic interpretation.

Thanks for sharing your deconstruction journey. I grew up in a very loving household but was raised in a southern Baptist church-going every Sunday morning and night, Wednesday night and youth activities Friday and Saturday night. I didn’t think much about it until one Sunday bible study before the sermon, which was about Catholics going to hell. Some of my closest friends in school were Catholic. It made me wonder “what if I had been born into the ‘wrong’ household and.was raised Catholic instead of the ‘true’ faith?” But I set those thoughts aside. In college I taught Sunday school at a Quaker meeting and realized that my values fit Quakerism much better that the Baptist church. But I still didn’t think much deeper about it,. In law school, I stopped attending church, but did my laundry at a laundromat across from a gospel church, with an amazing choir, which was pretty much the antithesis of the silent Quaker meetings. That’s where I began to think that various Christian denominations are different ways of seeing God. The I went to work as a human rights lawyer in the Middle East, where I got to know Jews, Muslims, Druze and other faith#, all of which were as sincere in their faith as I was in mine. I came to realize that, at best, they were all trying to understand God but could only see God through their own cultural binoculars. I later married a very devote Catholic but drifted even further away from believing in God which was ok for my husband, but he felt strongly about raising our two boys Catholic. I think this is mainly because he is Arab and there are so few Christian Arabs, especially Catholics, left in the world and he feels some sort of duty. Fortunately, we are still happily married and our boys are atheist/agnostic like me, but respectful of their father’s faith and defensive of believers (of any denomination) when their college friends mock religious beliefs. But others who go through deconstruction often are forced to give up their marriage, extended family, close friends and community. They are shunned. It’s brutal and cruel, but perhaps for the best-no risk of being sucked back into the faith.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

I am so glad that you are here sharing your story! You have such a sweet authentic presence, and it radiates ♥️ Your words are profound! Thank you so much for your wisdom! I support you and honor you.

I'm so glad the algorithm brought me to your channel 💗 What you're doing is amazing. Thank you so much 🥰

I deconverted through a couple things. My sexuality and science. I self harmed for a long time because of my sexuality and trying to push it down inside and not address it. Also, when researching science and realizing that what my parents and church told me about what science said was complete bullshit. The amount of lies I've had to come to terms with...I still get surprised

@stevem7945

3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad I saw through it at a young age.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm really glad you are able to be your true self now!

@Plethorality

2 жыл бұрын

@@ExFundieDiaries i self harmed because of my sexuality too... and i am a celibate (because.. am so alone), cis gender, heterosexual woman!

@aazhie

2 жыл бұрын

@@Plethorality I'm sorry, and I hope it gets better. I'm very queer, but it absolutely can get better, and wishing you the best

@Plethorality

2 жыл бұрын

@@aazhie thar is very kind of you. i appreciate that! thank you.

I just wanna say I think you’re remarkable and times like this make me so happy that the internet exists. Your story deserves to be told and can help so many, so thank you so much for sharing Looking forward to watching you continue to grow and I really hope I can follow your example and always grow and challenge myself

Thank you, Elly for sharing your own story. It breaks my heart to hear what you experienced and how deeply it has affected you. I’m a credentialed teacher who homeschooled our children through eighth grade, then put them in public school. Our home was open and welcoming to the neighborhood. We were involved in many activities, Christian and secular and I saw a lot of homeschooling families who were so strict in the name of God that I knew it wasn’t going to produce the outcome they were seeking. So now I’m a student of yours, listening to you and your generation, seeking to understand your perspective and so I can help lead parents down a much healthier path. Thank you for sharing.

I've watched a few of your videos and I love that you keep your journals and share entries with us.

Thank you for sharing your story❤ I also grew up Christian fundamentalist and have deconstructed a lot, but the person of Jesus and the connection I have never stopped being real to me. I’ve held on to love as the purest expression of my beliefs. The stories about Jesus still inspire me to love others (and myself) better each day. The questions about hell, LGBTQ issues, etc honestly, I just don’t know. Allowing myself to just say “I don’t know” has been so empowering. The only thing I need to do is treat everyone equally with love in everything I do.

I am so happy I've found your channel. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being so vulnerable, open, and honest about your journey in deconstructing your faith. I know this isn't easy, but it's all worth it in the end. You are so inspirational! Thank you!

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!! I'm glad you're here :)

I’m two months out of Christianity and I’m still in the anger phase. Thanks for sharing your story ❤️

@theshapeexists

2 жыл бұрын

It sucks to have something you believe in so deeply and be indoctrinated in so young be a lie. Still pisses me off over 20 years later. Watching these rich mega churches and pastors getting these kids brainwashed so young so they have a new generation of believers fund their lavish lifestyles is just disgusting. I remember going to a good friends funeral at his church, and the pastor drove a FERRARI to the church. I was already an atheist at that point, so it made me even more mad knowing that these suffering people funded his $200,000 car. Religion is poison

@plants_and_wellness1574

2 жыл бұрын

@@theshapeexists exactly. I’m still very angry and so annoyed by it all. I wish people would actually read the book they claim to follow because it doesn’t say what they think it does 😢

@theshapeexists

2 жыл бұрын

@@plants_and_wellness1574 well, I'm happy for you regardless. Cheers!

@DIBBY40

2 жыл бұрын

I feel for you. It does get better. Time and good friends are a wonderful healer. I left in the late 1980s. Im 55 now.

@DiscoverJesus

2 жыл бұрын

Anger about what? That you knew the way of forgiveness and truth ?

"I just decided, somewhere along the way of my deconstruction, that I was not going to force myself to believe anything out of fear" (15:08)

@hannah-6080

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. I had a similar experience when I left religion. I was terrified of hell, terrified that I was making a mistake. But eventually something in me snapped, I just didn't want to lie to myself. In my heart of hearts I just didn't believe in Jesus anymore and if that meant I'd go to hell I guess I would have to accept that

@spider-man9118

Жыл бұрын

hell is for the devil and his squad. If you got Jesus with you, you've got nothing to worry about. then of course, there's religious ocd, so i get it Also, we have various types of evidence for biblical events, if anyone is interested

@hannah-6080

Жыл бұрын

@@spider-man9118 no, you don't get it. Your input isn't wanted here, thanks.

Elly, that had to be one of the most compelling, heart-felt, honest and wonderful stories of release that I've ever heard (and I'm WELL ahead of you on the age-meter!) I cannot congratulate you enough for your strength and courage for doing the things that you not only have done but have persevered through. I went through my own "deconstruction" MANY years ago (back then we just called it "leaving the church" and we simply walked out). From seeing what is going on, the only word that has caused more fear in the whole of Christendom than "deconstruction" was/is "reformation"! Have a GREAT LIFE now that you have shed the shackles of religion. HOLY SHIT, it feels pretty damn good, doesn't it?!

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

I love your presentation and the warm friendly way you express yourself. Thank you for this.

I stumbled across your channel and have viewed a few of your posts. I have initiated my own faith deconstruction a few years back and now have transitioned into reconstruction and reinstituting my spiritual formation. I have seen so many parallels between my story and yours. What a great service you are providing to so many others who feel they are alone in their own stories. And it is true, " there is no fear in love, for perfect love expels fear." Keep questioning keep challenging, keep reading and keep listening. All the best!

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

It takes huge courage, honesty, and insight to go on this path of yours. There are many of us waiting for you patiently. Welcome.

I understand that fear of realizing you just don't believe it anymore. I left evangelical christianity a long time ago, and it took a long time for me to say I am not a christian, especially to my brother and family who are all dyed in the wool christians. They were missionaries in France for years, and once they realized I didn't believe, they kept trying to save me. It has been quite a process.

@kdmill7563

2 жыл бұрын

I respect your honesty with your family, I have yet to tell my dad. It terrifies me.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

You are so beautifully brave. I can't tell you how much I admire your transparency, and personally relate to the excruciating pain of finally letting go of your whole entire existence and what your whole identity consisted of. Thank you for sharing

the honesty that pours from your heart and words is tangible. you have a true gift of articulation and you bring a great deal of humanity and peace into my world. thank you. 💙

What the heck is it with american christianity? Why force a three year old kid to read the sinners pray? I dont think such a young person even knows what that means.

@paulrichards6894

3 жыл бұрын

The internet is the biggest enemy to Christianity

@grimlund

3 жыл бұрын

@@paulrichards6894 I think knowledge is the main enemy. And the brain. When people start to think and using their brain they will deconstruct their beliefe.

@Venusbabe66

3 жыл бұрын

Why force children? Easy. Because that's when the effects of indoctrination/brainwashing will have the most effect... it's when those important early neural pathways in the brain are set. It's repetition of ritual and the emotional connections that will remain (to the fear, guilt and shame of the dogma) that will be reinforced by the family, cult, congregation. Brainwashing 101. No matter what religion - it works because children must trust the adults in their life to survive.

@paulrichards6894

3 жыл бұрын

i think Islam will survive but in 100 years Christianity will probably be far less popular

@rodneysettle8106

3 жыл бұрын

@@paulrichards6894 Christianity biggest enemy is knowledge of the world through scientific studies and observations. The internet is allowing people to learn and connect with each other.

My deconstruction from the things I was taught in church started when I became a believer in God.

@ready1fire1aim1

2 жыл бұрын

1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics 2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion) 3) good luck :)

@HopeLives2012

2 жыл бұрын

Eloise so true

@nicolebuchanan229

2 жыл бұрын

This! Yes!! I was raised in church but it wasn't biblically right. I too was abused. I found the real God. I pray she does as well.

@cl5470

2 жыл бұрын

FYI, this is called the "no true Scotsman" argument and it is a logocal fallacy. It's actually further evidence that God does not really exist. If He does, he is not all powerful, all good or all knowing which means he is not worthy of worship. Basically this is a childish response to atheism that will only get you eyerolls.

@nicolebuchanan229

2 жыл бұрын

@@cl5470 There is a difference in religion and God. Unfortunately many people fall into religion rather than God. It sounds like her parents where more religious than bible followers. I wish you all peace and love. May you turn your face to the sunshine once more and may you find God's grace. Also, God gave us free will. So therefore, God doesn't hold power over us. He gave us free will so that we may choose him and feel his unconditional love, so that we may humble ourselves and repent. If God didn't give us free will, we wouldn't ever feel the holy spirit, we wouldn't ever feel the power of repenting and forgiveness. I was a religious mess, until I let go of religion and let God in. I was angry at God, but realized it was religion. Not God. I felt so dark inside from my childhood. But all that is gone. I pray someday you will find the peace I have found. That you will find the one true God.

Thanks for sharing. I came from a conservative, fundamental Baptist denomination; a pastor's kid; a bible study leader for many years; worship team member, etc. Now, I'm an agnostic and deconstructed my beliefs. It's very liberating to be out of the clutches of religion.

@jonny-b4954

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, I'd imagine so. Ha. That's a wild ride.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

That’s a lot to deconstruct from! I’m so glad to hear that you feel liberated on the other side. Thanks so much for watching and commenting!

@octaviomartinez2935

3 жыл бұрын

I’m glad you deconstructed because obviously you needed to deconstruct from harmful theology, but I have one question, what about the pretense of the lord within you or was what you felt all and imagination, I have deconstructed from church I no longer go to church because it’s toxic but I have found different ways of looking at scriptures that make sense to me.

@susanmaggiora4800

3 жыл бұрын

Octavio Martinez So you took their lies & fashioned some new ones for yourself. Doesn’t sound too reconstructed, Octavio..

@octaviomartinez2935

3 жыл бұрын

@@susanmaggiora4800 Jesus is not a lie, I’m a living miracle of his power to heal, also I can not deny the reality of his presence, but I do recognize deconstruction as a legit process in spirituality, jesus attempted to deconstruct the religion of his day also the apostle Paul deconstructed Judaism and laid the foundations of Christianity, we as humans have made toxic the most beautiful spiritual reality in the universe, the Christ of god.

Love these. Wonderful to meet you! 🎉🎉❤

I just saw this video, much appreciate you raising awareness about this sensitive but deeply important topic that requires air so religious or authoritarian abuse doesn't go undertected. Thank you for creating a space for people to self reflect on their faith and it's oppressive dogmas and incompatibilities to objective truths, history and science. Thank you for exposing some controlling elements, the mental conditioning can be very hard to un-program from one's mind due to the intense fear-based concepts that has people gripped. Thank you for being a beacon, Elly. Conversation opens perspectives, perspectives provides for worldliness, so we mitigate the narrow-mindedness of our society. Keep doing your videos, many grateful people you'll encounter.

I am happy for you in that you can share your experiences and attempt to help others to decompress from religion. Your example inspires people like myself to share as well. The trauma is real. Deconstructioners need social support and acceptance.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, what a kind comment! The trauma is definitely real, and sharing with each other can be so helpful. I also really like the use of Deconstructioner as a title :)

@atkbdk

3 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/pIWZrZhwotjInbQ.html

My deconstruction really started in a class in college about gender roles. Hearing other people’s experiences, showed me the contrast of what I had learned about women, which was negative and abusive, and what other people had. From then on, I could not commit to a God that seemed to not care the same way about women in the way that he care about men. And that allowed half the world population to be treated so badly for most of human existence. Comparing experiences is what saved me of a lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual abuse. So I’m really grateful for you and other people that are willing to share their most painful experiences online! Thank you so much!

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

This is a Must Watch! Elly’s insight is amazing.

It’s so good to find your content! It’s hard to find exfundie content like yours! Keep going, it’s so encouraging to hear each of your stories and see my own story reflected in yours. 💜 much love!

Thank you for sharing. I had a similar experience (although I was never an evangelical Christian) but at age 50. Thankfully you have escaped at an earlier age. It is a painful process, but so liberating on the other end.

I was heartbroken when I stopped being a Christian. A friend recently told me about a Christin meditation group that is meant to calm the mind & let them focus on hearing god's still, small voice. She said she tought it was beautiful, because it was like they were asking themselves. This made tears well up in my eyes. All those years of praying to god & feeling like I was with someone always, I was really just praying to myself. I was the projection of unconditional love & support I had been relying on for all those years. I feel a little bit more whole now, because the line is no longer dead, I just know who is on the other side.

@xXFUEGIxX

3 ай бұрын

What happens if the Bible turns out to be true? Wouldn't that just suck. Imagine the regret!! And there's no second chance. Just think about it

@Emma-cy9lp

3 ай бұрын

@@xXFUEGIxX You failed to realise that people do not chose what they believe, if they are being honest with themselves. As regards the truthfulness of the bible, reality contradicts the supposed unwavering love of 'god', so yeah, but can't coexist.

@xXFUEGIxX

3 ай бұрын

the love of God is that Christ died for our sins, but you have to believe to claim it. That's the love. God is a judg - He will judge.@@Emma-cy9lp

@zariamorrison14

Ай бұрын

@@xXFUEGIxXusing fear to love god is abusive

@xXFUEGIxX

Ай бұрын

@@zariamorrison14 well, it is what it is. Make your own choices and suffer any consequences that comes with it

I just found your videos recently, and honestly, I want to thank you and give you a big hug. I'm also coming out of Christian fundamentalism, and our experiences are very similar. I've been looking for a channel like this for a long time. Thanks for sharing your story!

You explain your deconstruction so well! It’s almost exactly how mine went (and I came from such a SIMILAR background). I’m over 40 and having to reevaluate ALL my beliefs! Best wishes on your journey 💜!

So moving to hear your story. Thank you for being so brave.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!!

I'm a Christian (did not grow up Christian- converted like 6 or 7 years ago) but I felt you on the "Jesus felt like a friend, God not so much". Tbh I have a hard time with the idea of Jesus as a friend. Still workin' on it- but we all is workin' on something. I hope the best for you yo!

Your story today really resonated with me and my own experiences. Thank you once again for sharing. It is always nice to know that you aren't the only one experiencing such doubt, and that you can come out the other side whole.

I found you two days ago and im hooked! You have a powerful story and a lovely voice to narrate it with! You are the change ❤

Thx for sharing.. you describe what I now recognize as an anxiety crisis, layer by layer of faith is stripped away... but there is always a residual anxiety... there “must” be some exquisite core that would remain in the end. The un acknowledged anxiety is the fear to come to terms with the idea that, ...in the end... through all your devotion ... your unconditional love .,. How is it possible that in the end, there was nothing there? And then, one day, it is all gone... like waking up from a dream... and being a little astonished that what had seemed so real.... has evaporated. Not even so much from some decisive choice to wake up...it is gone. No guilt, no anxiety, no wondering whether I am making a reckless decision... just gone I remember one moment of recognition......a person in a film or a docudrama was in court and asked to swear on a Bible to tell the truth. I suddenly felt this was ridiculous... why would swearing on a Bible mean anything? Now, for me, the Bible could have been Alice in wonderland... it no longer had any transcendental significance.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

This is an excellent description! Thanks for sharing!

@ChrisSmith-xh9wb

3 жыл бұрын

There are many Christians (myself included) who refuse to swear on the Bible because the Bible itself forbids it (Matthew 5:33-37). The very act of swearing on the bible indicates that the person doing so has either not read it or is happy to defy it.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

Thank you for talking about this, for including your pronouns, and for being you in a space where I could see and connect with your experience. It means a lot! - a bi, trans, ex-fundie fella with PTSD

👍👍👍💚 Thank you for being so raw with us strangers, takes a lot of bravery

I just found your channel and I just want to give you a big hug. You’re so strong. ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for sharing. It’s really inspiring.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for watching! :)

I recently, finally left my Christianity behind and now consider myself agnostic. Over the past few weeks your channel has been a massive help to me now that I'm at this point. So many of your experiences mirror mine growing up and seeing I'm not alone and listening to your analysis of what you went through helps me sort through my own trauma. Thank you so much.

@brisadelcastillo2840

Жыл бұрын

Look up "THE CRUCIFIX FISH - WHAT THE CRUCIFIX FISH REVEALS"

Love your channel!!! So happy I found it and I look forward to following along with your story in your future videos! 💗💗💗 So happy you broke free 😌

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your encouragement :)

lovely video! Keep posting. It's great to see stories that resonate with me.

I'm truly sorry you had such a difficult childhood. You present as an intelligent, serious and sensitive person which would have made your childhood experiences all the more painful. I too had a long and winding spiritual journey. I was raised in a strict Calvinist tradition (we're the ones with predestination, which is a pretty bad deal :)). In my young adult years I moved to the Evangelical stream. In middle age I had a series of profound spiritual experiences, which shifted my paradigm greatly and permanently. Now I'm a 67 year old granny. I still believe in God and Jesus and that gives me peace and purpose (and usually, joy :)), but I don't feel attached to organized Religion. I believe we're all connected, the universe is a welcoming place, and love is the most powerful force. My daily prayer is to bring kindness and love wherever I can. Thank you for sharing so honestly and vulnerably. You're on your journey, and all is well. Big virtual hug!

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

Thanks for sharing your story. I relate to this a lot. I struggle because a lot of my friends are Christians. I have struggled for many years even as a child because I never fully believed. Keep up the good work ❤️

I'm so happy for you that you are on this journey and proud of you for starting the monolithic task of learning yourself outside of the doctrine that was programmed into you. All my love to you and your family 💕

Thank you so much for sharing your Story! I can really relay to your deconstruction. I also tried so hard to „hold on Jesus“, but the feeling wasn‘t there and never came back. You are so brave!

Hi! Thanks so much for sharing this. I've deconstructed from Christianity in the last several years especially, and appreciate anyone who is talking about that journey. I really relate to several aspects of your story and have a similar evangelical/conservative/homeschooled background.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you can relate. Conservative homeschooling is such a unique kind of horrible haha. Thanks for watching and commenting! :)

@alicebrison1899

2 жыл бұрын

P

Excellent. Thank you for sharing! It took me some 30 years to finally walk away from Christianity. It started when as a Freshman at a Christian college, I took an Old Testament course. During that semester the Jonestown massacre occurred - when Evangelist Jim Jones made his entire community of over 900 followers commit suicide. Here I was reading about God helping the Isrealites slaughter whole communities so his chosen people could have their land. Something started to feel "off" to me, but I just put all my questions on the shelf, so to speak, and kept on believing. Similarly, during my second semester,while taking New Testament, the Islamic Revolution occurred in Iran. Innocent people again were being captured or slaughtered in the name of religion. In class, I'm reading that Jesus said he didn't come to change the law - all the dreadful, draconian rules and punishments outlined in the first 5 books of the bible. In my heart, at 19 years old, my faith started to crumble. As I said, it took me 30 years, but when I finally admitted I saw no reason to believe in a God, I felt freer and happier - and more fulfilled - than I ever did in all my years of being a committed Christian.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

Thank you for sharing this very difficult part of your life. Your story will help so many others

I found your videos today. I am so happy I did. You are very brave. It is not easy to share such personal feeling with the world. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I grew up Catholic, luckily, my family did not practice to this extreme, but some of the damage is still there. I recommend Fundie Fridays and Jordan and McKay. Fundie Fridays does videos on all things related to Evangelical Christianity. She is funny and compassionate and very smart. Jordan and McKay are ex-mormons who also deconstructed their faith and now discuss the harm that Mormonism can cause. Congratulations, you are a breath of fresh air.

I've come out to my parents as Panthiest as my fiancé and I are getting married next year. Ive been struggling with my faith for 10 years, and let me tell you, it is so freeing, and yet so stressful because of my parents. I pretty much went through the same deconstruction as you did in regards to my Catholic upbringing. I spent 10 years being angry with God, and fluctuating between agnostic and athiest. Eventually, i discovered Panthiesm out of an aha moment where i surmised God as Energy, which is the driving force of the universe. I then began to see god AS the universe in all its creative and destructive workings. I also came across the idea of the big bang as a Phoenix Event and not necessarily the beginning of time. In other words, the big bang was the death of the old and the birth of the new, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, and that there is no end. That is where I am now. And i am happy here. I hope you find your happiness, darling. And never stop questioning!

@pianoplants7884

2 жыл бұрын

I like to keep a little bit of the mystical too, but I realize I wasn’t taught science in Fundie homeschooling. So when I understand more about the natural world around me, I think, “Oh cool!” But the mystical aspect is to embrace my imagination (also repressed) and respond with wonder.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

I'm not crying! You're crying! Seriously, thank you for sharing your story. I wish you well on your journey.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Aww, thank you so much! I wish you well on your journey too :)

Elly, your story is almost word for word mine as well. We have so many similarities we could almost be sisters!! Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so glad I found your channel!!! ❤️❤️

I just became aware of your channel. You are so well spoken and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing your story! I look forward to watching your other videos. I cannot relate personally, as I grew up in a non-religious home and community, but I find American fundamentalism to be fascinating (and sad and disturbing).

You just described what I've been going through over the past month. "The line is dead. There's nothing there." I left christianity in my early twenties, but then latched onto orthodox judaism because all those rules will tell me exactly what I have to do for god to love me! I left that three years ago (after fifteen years of being strictly orthodox), but still clung to belief in god. A month ago, I had my world upended by a realization. And now the line is dead. Your videos are so damn important. You're speaking what I'm feeling. Thank you so so much.

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

I pray for your wellness and enlightenment on which path you are taking...

what you said about fear and christianity really hits home with me. one of the biggest ways i was able to un-indoctrinate myself was the idea i was struggling with of how god can be love if i am also supposed to fear him. thank you for this. im so happy for you and i wish you well on your journey in dealing and healing from religious trauma

Very moving story. Thanks for having the courage to share this.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching!

This is quite similar to my experience. Thank you for your testimony.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

I like the idea of calling it a testimony :)

@ready1fire1aim1

2 жыл бұрын

1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics 2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion) 3) good luck :)

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Totally Identify with our humble narrator! So well said and sincere

I'm proud of you!! Thank you for sharing these :)

Oh Elly! You are a gem. Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching story. I'm 70 years old and I spent my first 20 years as a devout Catholic in a strict Catholic family. All of my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc., on both sides of my family were strict Catholics - not the "à la Carte" Catholics that were all around us. When I was about 11 years old, I had this sincere belief that EVERYONE should be priests and nuns, because what else matters? I spent my high school years in a Catholic seminary, gathering the scholastic credits that I needed to get into a major theological seminary. I'm happy to say that after graduating 12th grade, I got involved with a girl and a rock band. I like to say that I was knocked off the path to the priesthood by "sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but not in that order". I still devoutly studied my religion, reading the fathers of the church as well as modern theologians. It took about five years to go through new-age beliefs and even pantheism, but none of that stuck with me. I became a hardcore materialist atheist. I still love reading about deconversion experiences, because I went through the tears and intense praying and studying that I thought would save my faith. In my "crisis of faith" years, in my early 20s, I spent lots of time talking with my mother. My dad overheard us one time, and he barged into the room saying, "so, you're not Catholic anymore?" I answered, "I'm not really sure." He nearly shouted, "well, do you go to church on Sundays?" I said, "not always". Then he roared, "WELL! Then you're OUT of the church." My poor mom who was trying to build a bridge to me had to chase him out of the room. It was sad but comical. Thanks for sharing your own experience.

@rickdoogie749

8 ай бұрын

May I suggest watching Julia Sweeney, "Letting Go Of God". She will make you laugh and make you cry. Another heart-wrenching story about personal deconversion, which incidentally was sparked by attending a bible study seminar where the class went through the bible from start to finish.

I just want to add on to the people thanking you for sharing. I have left & come back to the church several times after being raised in an independent fundamental baptist church, but am only now discovering that there are other people out there like me who just can’t align with these things anymore. I got chills when you spoke about fear being a big part of it & there being no fear in love. That’s been my biggest struggle stepping away is the fear, not even for myself, but that I’m sending my kids to hell by not teaching them the Bible & taking them to church. I am heading down a rabbit hole with these stories and couldn’t be more grateful for all of y’all that have laid your hearts out for the rest of us to feel validated & seen in this often lonely journey of deconstruction. 🖤🖤

@nicolasvanderwesthuizen2373

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out. What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iXx7rLyLfaynYJs.html Appreciate it. Nicolas

@deeznutz1428

Жыл бұрын

you should watch paulgoia videos in youtube and there are several other....his videos will help you with these guild/sin/hell fear and relating all the other things. he is a former Christian too.

Thank you so much for sharing your story! My journey has been similar and it's encouraging to hear how others have also dealt with the pain we face when leaving behind old religious ideas and constructs.

@thereisnonegoodbutgodjohn363

9 ай бұрын

Most people have heard “Jesus/God loves you”. Does that mean they have a relationship with God and will go to heaven? Depends on the individual. A relationship is 2 sided, you receive love and you give love back. God showed His love by suffering, dying on the cross and rising from the dead for you, now you show Love back by repenting of your sins (lying, stealing, sexual sins, taking the Lord’s Name in vain etc) and believing in Jesus as your Lord and saviour so that Heaven is in your future not hell

You are now so great at telling your story!! I wish you a lot of love from the Netherlands 🌹

Hello Elly! I am so sorry for all that you are going through! Sounds like you went through narcissistic abuse! Many therapists overlook this! I only hope that you will find peace! Be well and all the best!! 🌷🌷🌷

So happy for you! My family deconstructed too and we are doing great!

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I’m so happy for you too!!

Very brave, sincere, difficult... well done and thank you for sharing. Wishing you well ❤️

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! Wishing you well too!

Thanks so much for sharing your story! It's very interesting to get your perspective.

Been there done that, sounds a lot like my story, I will never go back, I'm finally free. So proud of you sweetie.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! I'm so glad you're free too.

@rhemalithduncan8802

3 жыл бұрын

​@@ExFundieDiaries I've been there. Done that, too... What exactly are you denying now?... Ever thought that 'just MAYBE' your priorities and your methods were out of order and you didn't ask for the Comforter's (Holy Spirit) help?... Input: Pascal's wager: Your Life's journey is too precious to just end very tragic compared to eternal glory -- are you prepared to be wrong... and yet leading others the same way?

@A.B.3103

3 жыл бұрын

@@rhemalithduncan8802 the problem with Pascals Wager is that there are THOUSANDS of religions, so betting on one and betting on none of them is pretty safe

@rhemalithduncan8802

3 жыл бұрын

@@A.B.3103 That could be a good point "IF" everything did not pivot on any possibility of there being just ONE legitimate God (creator, intelligent designer) who may indeed be obsessed with ORDER. For example: The statement Jesus Christ made in John 14:6, "Jesus said to him, I am THE way, THE truth, and THE life: no man comes to the Father (God) except by me." This is a very concisely exclusive statement. The depravity of man has always been an issue and the world has scratched its head, confused as to how many gods it takes to be safe and sane. Hinduism sports 250 million + gods. If mankind can think of thousands of other ways to the divine, we'll think up millions more... Ultimately, we can be politically correct and yet still fail to ask the right questions... What religion covers our Origin, Meaning, Morality, and Destiny and remains coherent after the inquiries are complete?... After all, if every single person's version of TRUTH was correct, nothing would ever be true or false, right or wrong and life on earth would be unlivable.

@A.B.3103

3 жыл бұрын

@@rhemalithduncan8802 you didn't even address what I said. Nice word salad

Perfect love cast out all fear! I had a christain tell me once you've lived your life in fear that's not how God wants you to live your life. I grew up a catholic homeschooler. Be spiritual not religious. And if You are led to religion it should be a discipline that leads you to spirituality. God bless you on your journey rather you believe he's there or not! And never let anyone judge you!

Thank you for sharing your story, it’s so sad what this religion can do. It was really hard when I deconverted and I still have PTSD to this day from it but hearing others going through the same thing does make it a little bit easier

You are so strong to realize your trauma and address it. You can be really proud of yourself! Hugs and all the best. Xx!

@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX

2 жыл бұрын

religiosity absent of regeneration isn't true Christianity. you do everything apart from faith, it's all based upon works. it's only by the grace of GOD through faith in Him are we saved. it's only by the life, death, and resurrection of the LORD JESUS CHRIST that we're saved. it's only by a turning away from a lifestyle of sin and a turning to GOD that we're saved. a little prayer doesn't save you. good works don't save you. going to church and reading the Bible don't save you. true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST and baptism of the Holy Spirit is true Christianity. you must be born again.

I related with so much in this video, especially when you talked about pulling back the layers and deconstructing until there was nothing left. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it helps to know that there are others out there who share the same experiences as I do.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!! You are definitely not alone. Hearing others' stories helps me too :)

@shalenah

3 жыл бұрын

@@ExFundieDiaries yes, the point where you mentioned basically saying you'd always have jesus really resonated bc i rememebr that point in my deconstruction (around2.5 years ago) where I my line of thought was "well all of these questions and confusion don't matter, i'll just focus on jesus he's all that matters. then i started googling the history of jesus and that didn't last too long lol

@ready1fire1aim1

2 жыл бұрын

1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics 2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion) 3) good luck :)

I can't imagine how scary that must have been. Growing up in an abusive cult!? I'm so glad your free of it now.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. You went through so much and im so glad you were able to see the light and leave. I deconstructed when I was about 20 (8 years ago now) and still I am mourning the life that was stolen from me by religion. That's the hardest part i think... realizing how much homeschooling impaired my development, how many human connections were spoiled due to my close-minded dogma. How I was always waiting to hear jesus' voice but never learned to decipher my own. I still have no idea who I am, beneath the hurt I feel, and it often feels like the years of depression & anxiety over this have eroded my identity anyway. My heart breaks for everyone who has to go through this but warms to know we are not alone. We all made it out and I feel so much pride in that. I root for you.

Hi Elly, Thank you so much for your courage to share your so deeply personal faith journey with the world through KZread. You have indeed gone through a lot! I am a Lutheran (from Germany) and feel lucky that I’ve never been forced to believe a certain way. I definitely consider myself on the progressive side of Christianity. But I did have contact with evangelical Christianity during my faith journey. I’ve also dabbled in Islam for a little bit before coming back to ELCA Lutheranism. I am sharing this with you because after studying theology in Germany and the U.S., and after having served as a Lutheran pastor for 25 years, I am now teaching religion at a Community College, a public institution that certainly looks at religion from an academic not from a proselytizing point of view. I am teaching (among other courses) a course “Religions of the World.” Since I started teaching in 2015 I’ve learned so much about religions all over the world. I get great feedback from my students, who come from many diverse religious and non-religious backgrounds, about the course. During the pandemic, when classes suddenly had to switch online, I produced KZread videos for each of my class sessions. I put all this together on a Padlet including other resources from KZread. I am wondering if you might find some of what I put together interesting for yourself. I’d love to invite you to check it out: padlet.com/clemens_reinke/PHR121. I wish you all the best! If it’s okay with you I might use this video of yours in my “Intro to Religion” course as an example for someone coming out of a cult.

My heart goes out to you, we as humans, we often twist religion (and anything else) to fit our own selfish needs. This practice implies that all Christians act in this way and that is simply not true. I pray that you now have the peace and comfort that you deserve.

@ExFundieDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

I agree that not all Christians act in a selfish way. Thank you for your compassion!

@grandstarstudiosFORMER-YT

2 жыл бұрын

@@ExFundieDiaries SOME CHRISTANS ARE GOOD, IM AGNOSTIC AND I BELIEVE IN THE REAL SCIENCE PROVED "GOD" (UNIVERSE)

@pwoods100

2 жыл бұрын

You have to realize that most skeptics like myself, do not think most Christians are bad people. Quite the opposite. Most Christians are good people who have terrible beliefs. Same with Muslims. Are most Muslims good? Yes. But they still believe in some pretty poisonous doctrines. This is why religion gets away with so much. Because society has been taught that it''s not beliefs that are the problem - it's the person, when in reality ancient books, doctrines, and beliefs are the very source for the problem.

I love this video, and very much appreciate all of it. And losing my belief in hell brought so much more comfort than believing in heaven ever did.

A very nice video in which you bravely share one big chunk of yourself through your deconstruction story. To my surprise, I enjoyed it. Kudos! I feel as if I could write a volume's worth of comments here in this moment, but I won't. Whether or not it's clear to you, the Universe is no doubt unfolding as it should. I foresee many good things for you. Love, Peace, Aloha.

I praise you and your sister. For sharing your story. Your parents abused you humiliated you disrespected you. And my heart goes out to you and your sister. Sorry that you had to live through that.

Wow thank YOU. My story is so similar. I spent years trying to stay a "liberal Christian" or something but had to give it all up. I lost my best friend Jesus.

@Plethorality

2 жыл бұрын

that sounds painful. well.. it is painful. i have keptJesus, but the One i find in the red print not from paul, and sooooooo not from bloody calvin!! losing churchianity and decades of damaging sermons is ongoing but very much worth it. my world view is very different, i am a LOT nicer, and my theology has shrunk... or rather, grown, to the two main commandments. loving myself has been a big deal.

@MalinaBellk

2 жыл бұрын

I understand so much of what you wrote. Please do remember, Jesus still loves you; if you can come to Him in prayer - He will deliver and help you.

@jarjardaze2485

2 жыл бұрын

@@Plethorality just curious since I'm currently struggling, where do you get you knowledge of Jesus if not from Paul and the rest of the gospels?

@jarjardaze2485

2 жыл бұрын

@@MalinaBellk I love Jesus too but I don't get it why are the rules so strict, I'm really struggling. Why doesn't He love gay People, why do they have to be punished for loving someone?

@denisefallin8042

2 жыл бұрын

@@jarjardaze2485 Jesus doesn't address sexuality if u read. The parts describing this are from Paul. Who never met Jesus. Paul was a great apostle but not one that met Him. ☮️❤️

The meaning of life is to find your own meaning. Congratulations, darling. ♥️ Now you are free.

You are so brave and your heart is so pure. Thank you for sharing your journey my sister

So encouraging! Your words are so helpful for anyone at any age who has been where you are! I still can't believe that the message is still the same after so many years! And, of course GOD is always regarded as a HE! GRRRR....