“Mortification is cruel, but it is the only effective technique in the long term”. I can testify on that.

@meganpittman0615

9 ай бұрын

I’m hoping this is true. I exposed the ex suspected toxic narcissistic person I was with after finally ending it on a private fb page meant to protect women who are dating. I was entangled with this person for 2 years too long. After I ended it and posted him in that group I found out he had been cheating on me but also cheating on me with his most recent ex wife for a year and a half! Then I did a background check and found out he had a dv charge and a harassment charge. I have blocked him on everything and am moving to another state in a few months. I hope he never tries to Hoover me because he knows he’s been fully exposed.

@svaroghtegreat

4 ай бұрын

I doing it but the fear is great

"You're his enemy because of who he is"

"Mortify the narcissist and abandon him: confront, humiliate/reflect, then soothe. Soothing him creates internal mortification (he cannot cast you as the evil one and has to blame himself for his predicament)." I executed this statement verbatim with a narcissist and I shut him down with quickness after just 3.5 months of sadistic abuse. I am so glad I did this to him, maybe he will confront his scary reality... trying to lie about alcohol, benzo's, and crystal meth are not something I will ever support. He knew I lost my husband to an overdose, grieved for 2 years alone to feel the feels. He thought that using crystal meth and hiding it from me wouldn't be a traumatic ordeal. I cannot thank you enough for your brilliance and how it has confirmed I did the right thing.

@bobsanderz3005

2 ай бұрын

That’s a great win! Gonna try this one a few in my life

I have been binging you all night. This content is answering all sorts of theoretical questions that have been searing holes in my mind that began in childhood. My jaw has been on the floor, really. I have never seen someone explain these personality disorders in such an in depth way before. You are truly amazing in your articulation and understanding of this topic. Thank you.

It seems to me what most people don’t understand is that narcissists aren’t even aware of their own behavior towards others/in other words, they’re victims of their own mentality.

@ShepVII

7 ай бұрын

On the contrary of your statement, narcissists are very aware, they just in denial of the consequences of their actions. Its like, you see something then saying "I'm not seeing this, Im not seeing it." While you are looking directly at what it is you are not "seeing" They just dont care until someone points it out blatantly. Then the rage and humiliation follows. However, just like other cluster b types, they are aware of their actions, they are somewhat unaware if how some feels by their actions. Very big difference bud

Brilliant. You are a great professor. (Things go awry when I act different from my role as a figment of his imagination).

God, yes they do cry. It’s always ‘it hurts me to hear how I hurt you’. Yep - it’s never about caring they hurt you, only how hurting you affects them.

@takeemout4357

3 жыл бұрын

Not even how you effected them but someone who hurt them once.

@xRaverxBabyx

3 жыл бұрын

Nail on the head, ugh!

@lisagreenwood4282

3 жыл бұрын

@@deapgriths1893 wee

@lisagreenwood4282

3 жыл бұрын

r e redstar err

@yvettev.warburton3585

Жыл бұрын

Bang on the money.

Fascinating and sad. Was with one under a year. Traumatized. He’s 68. Married 4 times, of course one of the lies was it was 2. Chronic liar. I’m divorced, the perfect target for him. He wanted to be my hero. I was his oxygen. He tattooed my name on his chest after 3 monthes, it was his surprise. Much more but I’ll save it for my book. 😂

At the time, I had no idea what narcissism was. I just knew something was really wrong and that I was being treated like sh**. When I left, I held a mirror to her face and showed her her true self. I didn’t know it then, but it seems I mortified her. I’m glad I did.

Thank you! I have been feeling guilty about unloading on him and calling him out, but after three discards and receiving a very lame apology text after 11 months of no contact, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Unfortunately, I had to communicate it all by text, because he is too cowardly to have a face to face. I was honest, truthful and called him out on everything and made reference to his age. He is very sensitive about that, because he lied about it on his dating profile and later to me in person. Hopefully, that got him where it hurts. He has a choice, continue on the same path, or seek REAL help. Either way we are done, two years down the drain with this nonsense. I know I got off lucky time wise, but the damage done to me is still incomprehensible even with therapy.

@elifuller8079

4 ай бұрын

You did that for two years? My goodness…

@Snakey103

3 ай бұрын

He didn’t come back or try a Hoover in that time ?

Yes Sam we Women knew about our Brains compared to men's a long time ago but most men don't know thank God you are one of a few that does.

Eric Fromm, 'The Art of Loving' is one of Fromm's brilliant books.

Sam, THANK YOU for educating me...your lectures/teachings have literally made something CLICK in my brain. I finally feel free of grip my ex had on me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Your concept of the shared safe space vs. the fantasy is quite brilliant 👍🏻

From my experience this is quite tricky even if there’s no history of violence. They refuse to look in the mirror and throw it right back at you which keeps you in the game because of the trauma bonding

@anjaknatz7157

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. The will to mortify or humiliate someone is always weaker than a clear and stern boundary set to protect oneself. It can not be overcome. It is like a iron fist covered by a velvet glove. You do not need to use one angry word. You can just tell them how it is. " I love you - but you feel nothing at all for me. So you miss the most important part of it all, that is has to flow from both of us. It needs two. You are alone again, just like me. I wish you well, my dear. Do not answer me, there is no need to talk any more." EXIT.

@maryfrances1307

5 ай бұрын

The problem is not them throwing it back at you. The problem is you catching what they throw.

@randideelancaster9904

Ай бұрын

Don't let them wiggle out of it, every accusation, laugh and point out they are projecting, point out the rabbit holes, point out the skirting the issue, stay on topic, dominate the conversation and bring it back to the actual subject, don't allow them to argue new subjects or new accusations, bring it back by saying we will talk about that after you can manage to stay on topic, let's finish the original subject first than we can move to the other ones

I'm 15 minutes in. You're a great educator. I need to make notes and get the most from these talks.

@ 11 minutes Abandonment- show the narcissist who they really are, mirror their false sense of self and grandiosity, and Abandon them; @ 15 minutes Projection is the Inner Evil projected onto outer Objects/People ; @ 25 minutes Shared Space (Shared Psychotic Space); @ 33 minutes Shared Fantasy, Attachment Styles; @ 35 minutes any hint of reality is a threat; @ 45 minutes Self Destruction and the False Self ; @ 48 minutes the Horror Show at Rock Bottom; @ 56 minutes Self Love experienced through Grandiosity and Projecting a False Self to the World, by Lying to the World, which in the end is Self Defeating and Counterproductive- deep inside the narcisist knows it’s Confabulation ; @ 59 minutes to preserve inner integrity and sense of self worth, when these motivations become extreme, become Malignant, we have Narcissism; @ 1:00 Mortification of the Narcissist

It strikes me, as you describe the mortification of the narcissist, that this is exactly why therapy is so pointless for these creatures most of the time. Except, perhaps, with someone who is an expert in cluster B and understands exactly what is going on, refusing to join the narcissist’s fantasy. Narcissists generally love going to therapy where they can piss and moan to an empathetic carer. They love the attention and the reinforcement. It makes them worse. My husband very much liked his therapy and learning the language of therapy helped him to add elements to his word salad, to self-justify and reinforce his habitual abusive behavior. Therapists who play this role with narcissists don’t help anyone. It would be lovely if more mental health practitioners learned to recognize cluster B and treat it appropriately, but I have a feeling that’s a tall order.

Walking in on his secondary and the three of us realizing what is happening created a mortification I suppose. There was no more denying at that point.

You are my life saver Thank you for your work

"and this time mommy hates you" 😂😂😂

@fairy12324

4 ай бұрын

😂😂

I basically played out the entire 3 step process of mortification with my narcissistic mother a year and a half ago, without even realizing that there was an entire theoretical framework that lays these steps out. I would like to share my story of how it went down. In 2020 my mom had gone down some anti-vaxxer rabbit holes in regards to the pandemic and I had just had enough. Pressure with her had been building for years and the pandemic basically sealed the deal. She was off the deep end and violating my boundaries like never before. On Labor Day 2020 (for my British friends: Labor day is a USA holiday at the beginning of September), the entire situation exploded. I stormed out of our holiday dinner (which I was expected to be at no matter what), and I went into a fairly severe panic-filled mental health crisis for a few days, but I was in therapy so I had an outlet to mitigate the crisis fairly quickly. Once my crisis had cleared after a couple days, I made the decision with my therapist to try and confront my parents and actually tell them the truth of how I felt for the first time in my life. This was an incredibly painful process that went absolutely nowhere for about 2 months until we reached supercriticality right before Tues Nov. 3 -- Election Day 2020. Everyone's nerves were maxed out by this point and the conditions were primed for another explosion, but instead this time around instead of me imploding, I was able to completely and utterly mortify my narcissistic mother. The night before the election, I sent my mother one of Dr. Ramani's videos. This one was on psychological mirroring. I specifically picked mirroring to be my opening attack against her. Dr. Ramani in no uncertain terms informs people about the negative and abusive patterns of narcissists. This video on mirroring just for some reason I could not explain at the time really resonated with me. However I have been able to since figure it out: My entire life I have felt like I have been screaming my truth, begging to be seen and heard, while they only respond with manufactured befuddlement and confusion as to why I'm so angry. They always completely ignored the truth I have been trying to describe to them (made even more furious by them always asking "why" a trillion times like a literal 2-year-old.....LIKE I AM LITERALLY TELLING YOU WHY RIGHT NOW WHY ARE YOU ASKING WHY AGAIN). Lol, so anyway, starting out with this Dr. Ramani video on the dysfunctional mirroring styles of narcissists seemed perfect. After I sent my email to her she responds by asking me if I am really calling her a narcissist right now. All she saw was Dr. Ramani describing to her what a horrible person she really is (this is what she saw and interpreted) when that's not what I said at all. I said, "you don't mirror my actions very well and here's a video explaining what I mean." Further, she completely disregarded the topic of mirroring that I was trying to talk to her about and her response came so quick there is no way she actually watched the video like she said she would. So we're right back to the same exact problem: I want to have a discussion, she gets offended at the topic of discussion, then pathologizes me for wanting to talk about the topic that caused her discomfort. So right then and there I realized this was a dead-end, and I ended the conversation. Any illusion that this prolonged 2 month period of chronic anxiety and hypervigilance could be worked out with them vanished. I saw them, finally, for who she really truly is, warts and all. I told her I was done and to not contact me further. I was on a family cell phone plan at the time, which I paid her monthly for, so I also told her I would be reaching out in a few weeks to arrange a transfer of ownership of my number to a personal account. As you might guess by now, she was utterly *furious* with me. The phone number thing at the end was my icing on the cake. I knew I had to make absolutely sure she knew that I was declaring independence one way or another, whether by force or by will. She chose force, because the next morning I woke up and she had already canceled my number off the family plan, and I completely lost access to the phone number I had for over 20 years. She also sent me an email full of hateful word salad that I can only describe as the most harmful, projective, hateful thing she (or really anybody) has ever said to me. She was going through Here we have reached the "lashing out stage" of mortification, and there is only one step left: calmly and confidently roundhouse kick her to the face. I immediately copy-pasted her entire email and posted her entire rant onto my Facebook page. Now that's something I can guarantee you she did NOT expect! She was trying to play her usual hand of acting abusive toward me, then gaslighting me when I react in a negative way to the abuse, so she could regain her sense of superiority again. However, instead of getting into the mud with her for the trillionth time and giving her exactly what she wanted, I decided she can now truly understand the horror of her true actions as her entire world bears witness to her blatant abuse towards me, utterly destroying any illusion of a false self she still had that she was desperately clinging to by this point. This basically set off world war 3 in my family, and you better believe this put her into full-on meltdown mode. But guess what? She no longer even has my phone number so she can't even call me anymore! And I had just moved to a new apartment and to this day I have not given her my new address. She can't call me and she can't find me! Perfect. One thing I can say is that I was truly astonished at the narcissist's convictions to maintain their lies. They were more than willing to sacrifice me, their eldest child and son, to maintain their illusions. I thought that my case would be different. I now know that maintaining these illusions has been their #1 priority my entire life. I was only allowed to be in the family if I was willing to sacrifice my self-identity to assuage their disturbed and broken ego and utter incapacity for self-regulation. It's really astonishing that someone could be so committed to living their entire life like that. It's really not that hard to open your eyes and observe reality for what it is (in my experience), but perhaps that is just a gift I was born with. I think my gift of being able to see through to her true self also put a big red bullseye on my back. She saw that I saw, and she hated me for it. However, if this gift means I can actually separate from the enmeshment and learn to grow and thrive on my own terms, I will take that trade any day. My two brothers did not have it as bad as me, and they still engage in the family theatrics. In fact, my GC brother asked me to remove my Facebook post (to which I replied no, obviously). He was unable to accept this answer from me and he also went through a bout of mortification himself (I guess he's got his own demons and dissonances to justify the disparity in how we were treated growing up), and he now refuses to talk to me. Hey, I guess I got rid of 2 narcs at the same time, a pretty good return on investment eh? Actually, I received so many mixed messages on my controversial post (most supportive but there were some other who tried to shame me for it) that I ended up blocking anyone who told me to remove it. It was a great litmus test to see who in my life I was really able to trust. I probably triggered a good 50 narcs at once with my little facebook stunt, but I felt no shame about it. The way I saw it is if Eminem (the rapper) can make records about killing his baby momma in front of his infant baby, and sell 50 million copies of that record , then I can post an uncomfortable email to my facebook page to a few hundred people. People really can't manage their feelings and that's why I got so much flak about it. This narcissism thing is everywhere and it's pretty terrifying.

Thanks for your valuable information. You are opening the mind to many people in the world. Including me. I wish you much success.

Your channel has been very helpful. Thank you…

You're right Sam..I remember in the early part of my relationship with the narcissist after intimacy he would turn on his side with his back to me then I would spoon him and hug around his waist he's 6'3" and I'm 5'2" then he would immediately wrap his arm that's free around my arm which was around his waist and kept my arm pinned to his side after a while my arm started to get numbed or I needed to use the bathroom either way soon as he felt me removing my arm he would pin my arm down more forcefully and held it there cuz he didn't want me to take my arm from around his waist. That uses to be so strange to me.

@SuzieQH4812

5 ай бұрын

OMG!! I have not yet listened to this episode, but what you have just described is exactly my narc and me only he is 6'1" and I am 5'. . . crazy. (Recently discarded after 29 years of marriage. He jumped to a new supply he met within a couple of months through a dating app while he was still living under our roof).

Wow; Professor Vaknin, this 'hits the nail on the head,' explains the problem/impossibility of intimacy w/a narcissist/borderline. I married two narcissists, but recently fell for a borderline. In your videos, you've helped me understand the draw, and my issues (codependent, narcissistic?). I wasn't sure how I would ever be able to move on, but this explanation provides so much hope. My fear/s is/are dissolving, thanks to your outstanding videos/teaching. Thank you.

Informative and Excellent. Thank you .

As we don't live together anymore....every time i go to his house, it feels to me like i'm stepping into a fantasy fake world. I just told my therapist this last week. Everything there ,is not what it is in reality. In this fantasy world ,believe it or not ,there were times that i felt exelent, it was for me an escape...maybe had to do something with me being a did- person...I am trying to end this relationship but pffff just feels like i'm so badly adicted to this.

Brilliant as ever

Thank you! Brillant information!

"You failed even to fake... you're such an abysmal loser, a nobody, that you can't even fake properly." 😆 I love it. Pretty sure I have thought those words about a narcissist near verbatim before.

Sam, my gf left me for three days after i said I could ‘see her’, following some poor treatment i had been getting from her. This was meant to her way of punishing me, during those three days i remained silent. She came back and said she was going to leave me for a further week at which point i dumped her for good. We had just moved into a new house and had only been in it for two weeks on the day i told her that her behaviour was unacceptable. She has since removed all her clothes and furniture and blocked me on social media. Did i mortify her? It sounds like i did because i dont think she will ever want to see me again. I think it is a tragedy and i am strong for doing what needed to be done.

@irielion3748

11 ай бұрын

Well done. I did similar but gave it a 2nd chance. It didn't work. NC now for 4 months. Never going back.

Either you get the narcissist out of your mind, or you go out of your mind - love it! The Venn diagram- I felt that the shared space became larger and the circles moved closer and closer until eventually they were as one circle with no separate space. I was becoming him even in my separate physical space, doing saying and even thinking as he would have me do. On reflection he seemed to have seeped into my mind and taken over. Thankfully I have recovered most of it, I believe. Excellent video. I have a question. Do you think there is hope for a narcissist after mortification?

@elizabethmurphy4971

3 жыл бұрын

To LD Apologies for late reply. I didn't know how I could say anything to be of help to you. I can however tell you where I sit on my experience now. My ex "discarded" me suddenly abruptly cruelly out of the blue early on New Years morning. Literally pushing me out of bed and out into the cold. There was a lot of snow on ground and icy roads. I couldn't even get in to my car and went back to his door to ask for warm water to defrost the door. He slammed the door in my face. I don't know if he's a "narcissist" " "borderine" , " psychopath" or a stark raving lunatic but I do know from his behaviour and demeanour that he's not playing with a full deck of cards! He was with his words (which I'll spare you!) and actions conveying to me that I was nothing. And I felt it deeply that moment. I was nothing. I've gone through bewilderment hurt anger and shame , vengeful thoughts I never knew I could have. I had a constant lump in my throat and the sadness was physically painful. Moving on, self reflection. The truth of my part in how and why my self esteem was dependent on how this one person viewed me. I was amazing, attractive, sexy, intelligent, a poet, a singer, oh and did I mention intelligent. I had allowed myself to get so puffed up. When I met him I was getting out of a sexless marriage where I had not had attention for years and wow! I was all these things I knew I was and this gorgeous, clever younger man appreciated me! Yes I am fairly intelligent and enjoy learning and using my brain. I'm not specially unattractive. I love singing and writing songs and poetry. But with this man I allowed my vanity to be nurtured and my total self worth was sustained through him. I hope that makes sense. It is difficult to describe. Because this feeling of being special needed to be sustained I allowed things in the relationship to happen that I was uncomfortable with or even hated at times becauses I needed or wanted to stay. We had such good times together and when it was good it was great -shared interests humour etc etc. It is a bit like an addiction. But if it doesn't feel right in any way. Then it is not right and I have to take responsibility for allowing my life to get taken over. He did me a favour discarding me. I needed it! I am all the person I am and have the gifts I've been given. My intelligence or lack of it, creativity or lack of it, looks or lack of them are not things to brag about or be puffed up about. They are from God I believe, to be used to edify not destroy. I can only say as advice, look to your path. Your gifts and strengths are special to you for peace in your soul and the edifying of those around you. Noone can destroy them or you. I hope this is of some help.

@summerbreeze6259

3 жыл бұрын

@@elizabethmurphy4971 This will help alot. Ty.

@aapp953

3 жыл бұрын

None whatsoever. Its something that is out of their control this is why criticism for them is unforgivable because they cannot correct themselves. Its a piece of something that is missing in their brain i would suppose maybe even a chemical imbalance that started way too long ago that they cannot reverse

@aapp953

3 жыл бұрын

@@LD-ju7ge wait he took his life 15 minutes before your comment?

@aapp953

3 жыл бұрын

@@elizabethmurphy4971 Gosh this makes me feel more stupid because my ex did nothing of the sort for me neither showed interest or empathy towards me but only a raging jelousy and always would ask me if i would ever consider changing careers to either military or law enforcement of any kind depending on what she saw on tv that triggered her infatuations of men in uniform.

AMAZING AS USUAL, This really make me feel sorry for narcissists because they are victims for ever ,see how mortification confuses the narcissist because the mortification message is you know what I hate your false self, I will love you if you show me your true self and he knows that the true self is the saurce of his pain so what can he do to solve this unsolvable problem

@chrissyprice7483

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly.. worded perfectly

@melissamac2491

2 жыл бұрын

I.agree...now.I.want him.to know that I.do love you, im.still here, I wont hurt u or abandon you, that's why I went thru all this hell.for you...I.saw the real you all along.....

Hello Dr Vakin, thanks for all this material. Could you please develop if not done yet some information regarding how to deal with vulnerable narcisists the perpetual false victims. I'd be very interested to underest how to deal with teir behaviour and put borders when they enter our lifes. Your work here is verry useful. Thanks again.

@bonitastjulienlepauvre6489

2 жыл бұрын

@@white6505 Good point!

Superb 🎉 at last somebody is saying it

Is the narcissist making jokes about killing you sometimes also considered a threat or just really dark humor?

@samvaknin

5 ай бұрын

Always take it seriously. Better safe than dead.

@lawcrencemila6300

4 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin thank you for taking the time to answer. I will take this seriously.

@heidismutti

3 ай бұрын

Ohno, you, too? Once he told me that if I got a TBI and was incapacitated that he would finish me off. I’m in a motel having fled him a few hours ago. He told my father on the phone, “she’s safe here. The only harm she’ll come to is the harm she’s threatening to do to herself”. I haven’t said anything about wanting to harm myself and I don’t. I wonder if he was setting me up.

So, if I can’t mortify him because he has been physically abusive 8 years ago, how do I stop the hovering. I try to leave the father of my son 8 years ago but he kept on pushing and pushing me to stay and give it another try. Because we had a 6 year old son, I finally after months of a nightmare, I gave in and stayed. Now he has been having an affair and I left him again moving into another appartement. But he is still in his fantasy world trying to get back. I ignore him as much as I can. Don’t answer his calls al the time. Maybe one’s a day. I can feel that he is getting angrier every day, not getting his way. But because of his aggression happening back then when I wanted to leave him, I can’t mortify? I never want to go back, I’m so glad that I made this decision of leaving him….

Yes !

What is the expected outcome of doing this to someone who does not have NPD?

Thank God !! No more insanity ❤ mortified end ❤

They make the fantasy out of defense and get angry at positive reactions to the fake self. My ex became disgusted if I complimented anything besides his appearance... which he was obsessed with. Because their appearance is the only thing that isn’t fake?

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Watch the videos on the way the narcissist reacts to your empathy.

@jenniehettrick4204

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin Thank you. I may have but I’ll go check. I’ve been listening to your videos since the lime green door videos. It was finding out the fantasy is out of defense in this video that was a little mind boggling.

If the “reverse discard” has already occurred, how is the mortification to be accomplished?

Has the global trend of aggressive competition caused cluster b personalities to thrive in positions of power & authority?

@dilciaenid57

2 жыл бұрын

Yes.

Wonderful. Because the narcissist often is lying to himself by overdoing his 'strengths' (confidence), does this then cause him to be egodystonic much of the time? Or does the narcissism protect him from being aware of the lie?

@brynheimer306

3 жыл бұрын

Wow great wording, this is the only question still nagging me after realizing all of this truth...

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Overdoing strength is a weakness. Weakness doesn’t always lead to ego dystony, even in healthy people. The narcissist idealizes himself in the process of co-idealization, so is very unlikely to admit to any weaknesses.

@mostthegames3723

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Professor.

Wow❤

My ex seemed like they knew that they were a narcissist and still behaved that way. What then?

every one should just have a good dose of DMT

@mooga9216

3 жыл бұрын

@Robert Smith In the states, ive heard you've got a pretty potent bull frog over there, that is life changing, not sure but i think it has DMT or some derivative, but dont quote me on that.

what do you do if you can’t mortify because the narcissist has a history of violence?

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

You watch my other videos.

@brynheimer306

3 жыл бұрын

You ghost him Cut off his narcissistic supply... Don't feed his ego. Don't entertain the fantasy while also not attacking it. He will think he is still in control and actually reciprocate.. before he knows it he's given you the slip you've been waiting for!!

@mariazuniga1409

3 жыл бұрын

Videos and look into purchasing his books. I bought “narcissistic supply”‘ and “violent,vindictive...narcissist” (on Amazon) by Sam Vaknin. You must disengage, my ex spouse spews his venom at almost every exchange for visitation of our toddler. I don’t say a word or make eye contact, also carry mace with me.

@pjstasyna1

3 жыл бұрын

Avoid, no contact. If that serious for violence, police or physically move somewhere for awhile. 2-3 months seems to be a good time frame for them to create new shared fantasy

@selkeles

3 жыл бұрын

@@pjstasyna1 true or 2-3 days in some cases I’ve seen. They jump from one shared fantasy to another.

Very interesting lecture! BTW, I am in the 2% of people that get your last name right, professor Vaknin!

@samvaknin

4 ай бұрын

Much appreciated.

Is there a difference between maladaptive daydreaming and magical thinking and fantasy in cluster B personalities?

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Maladaptive daydreaming is not a recognized diagnosis. It has nothing to do with fantasy, which is a defense mechanism and is perceived by the narcissist as reality.

@mohammedothman9833

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin thank you very much.

So how do you deal with a Violent narcissist ?

In one of the previous videos you stated that only "the mother" type of woman can mortify and "the smart-gorgeous" type is discarded when the narc senses the mortification . Does this count as "mortification like" result ? Thank you

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Watch the video about femme fatale.

Professor Vaknin, can I please ask, would the mortification be as successful if done by email and does it matter if you mention Narcissism/NPD? Thank you in advance

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Mortification is a reaction to - usually public - shame and humiliation.

@juliepurves629

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin I can't (and wouldn't) do it publicly so I'm hoping "seeing" himself in "black & white" will still have the desired effect. Thank you for your prompt response.

So how do you mortify if there has been violence. How do you get rid for good in that situation...?

Are schizoids almost immune or more at risk for mortification?

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

More at risk. Their core is really void, so they have little or no "immune" resistance to mortification.

@koda0388

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin thank you.

What about female narcissist (mothers and predatory females).

Superb content as always. Wouldn't want to precipitate suicide through mortification but no doubt it is the best course as a last resort.

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Suicide is unlikely. At most, suicidal IDEATION.

@pelletier4432

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin Ah, yes, of course. Thank you, Dr. Vaknin.

Woah. Wait, did i accidentally put a friend through cold therapy? Haha....

Sam, what is your take on “earned secure”. The label given to those with insecure attachment in childhood, but processing your childhood and making sense of the overall story into adulthood.

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Attachment styles very rarely change after childhood. Earned secure simply means that someone with inadequate parents succeeds to develop secure attachment as a CHILD and uses it in his interpersonal relationships as an adult.

@dawn6232

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin thank you

😄 @ " it's profound because I said it "

What if u still love him, could it evoke a change in behavior...

I delivered consequence for his action.....it was his true self I loved all along now what? I dont want to re traumatize him and abandon him,...now I.want to.show him that I will not abandon him...he can trust me, ...Im still here....

I followed your advice, Dr. Vaknin. I responded to a text my ex had sent me a week ago. Basically I over emphasized all the virtues she doesn’t have (or didn’t whenwe broke up). Then I suggested, as a friend, that she concentrated her efforts in finding a partner among guys 70yo or more, since younger guys tend to reject overweight women with cellullites.. plus, a 70yo is more likely to be rich and take over all of her expenses (which was something she was always complaining about me) leaving her with free time to do voluntary work (since she’s so pure and loyal etc. and never lies nor cheats). The message was so vicious that if she’s a border my days are numbered hahaha

@francescosoprano1644

Жыл бұрын

Of course the responsibility is all mine. You just told us to confront, mirror and leave some hope in the end, to help in her cure.

So sick of people with weird superstitions. It seems the ignorance is on the rise and celebrated.

I know this isn't exactly the same thing but this reminds me of the technique I've read that narcissist or other predatory types do called D.A.R.V.O, deflect, attack, reverse victim / oppressor. I think the difference is that when a narcissist does DARVO, it's not based on any reality other than what he/she wants you to believe. This mortification process sounds like a similar concept of turning the tables but it's based on the actuality of who the narcissist Really is. Also Sam, I think I remember hearing you mention that alot of people claiming to be victims of narcissist abuse are actually narcissist themselves who were out narc'd by a bigger narc. So if two narcs were in a dispute with each other... a narc can't use DARVO on another narc... So do more developed narcs use mortification on lower level narcs?

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

I deal with DARVO in my videos on victimhood. And there is no such thing as a "lower" narcissist. NPD is like pregnancy: either you have it or you don't. Narcissistic traits and narcissistic style are not the same as a narcissistic DISORDER or pathology.

Everything you said might be true except Unicorns were NOT created by con artists. 😆