Experiment Log: Project Sagittarius Test 1: Severe failure. Subject appears to possess a human musculoskeletal system and skin, but the entirety of its internal organs are equine. Subject survived five minutes before dying of severe hemorrhaging. Test 15: Failure. Subject possessed an equine head, tail, and torso, but human limbs, which snapped under the subject's weight. Limbs have been amputated and the subject now appears to be stable. Has been nicknamed "Torsie, the Torso Horse." Test 37: Failure. Yet another "side-saddle centaur". Subject terminated immediately. Test 46: Severe failure. Subject appears human, but possesses an equine head. Subject is intensely hostile toward all staff and displays superhuman strength, and all attempts to terminate the subject have thus far been ineffective. Subject has breached containment seventeen times since it was created, and researchers seem unable to build a containment unit capable of holding it for long. In a desperate attempt to keep Subject 46 contained, Emergency Procedure Minos was enacted, and the subject was placed within a large, specially-constructed labyrinth underneath the facility. As of yet, Emergency Procedure Minos seems to be effective, as while Subject 46 is dangerously strong, it lacks the intellectual ability necessary to find its way out of the maze. Nonetheless, Command advises that the subject be kept sedated with regular meals of human flesh until the Organization secures the nuclear arsenal necessary to enact Emergency Procedure Theseus. Test 52: Failure. Subject possesses human body with equine limbs. Survived three days before starving to death due to inability to walk or feed itself. Test 67: Failure. Subject appears physiologically human, but possesses an equine larynx. Has been nicknamed "Naythan". Attempts have been made to teach the subject sign language so it can communicate, but so far it has only learned to sign obscenities. Test 74: Failure. Subject appears physiologically human with avian features. Dr. Gallagher has announced that he "mixed up the samples again, sorry". Dr. Gallagher has since been taken off the research team. Command offered this formal statement: "Goddammit Gallagher, again? That's it, you don't get any more second chances. We thought you would have learned to be more careful after we lost 24 personnel to Subject 59." Test 80: Failure. Subject possesses a human torso and arms, but equine hind limbs, tail, fur, and head. Subject is capable of speech and seems otherwise healthy. Seems preoccupied with drawing self-portraits and posting them on the website deviantART. Test 88: Failure. Subject possesses no neck, but an equine head, torso, and limbs, as well as human lips and a set of human arms growing out of the sides of its head. Subject also possesses a humanoid face on its posterior. Subject has been deemed unfit for combat, but some researchers have postulated that, with further genetic modification, it may make a good pet, perhaps even the "sequel to dogs". Test 95: Near success. Subject possesses equine lower body and humanoid upper body as intended, however the subject has been deemed unfit for combat. Command has issued the following official statement: "The research is finally going in the right direction. The centaur, unfortunately, isn't. While this is far closer to the intended result than any attempts thus far, we feel that the subject's combat abilities would be greatly enhanced if its human upper body faced forward instead of backward." Test 102: Near success. Subject resembled a near-perfect centaur, with the exception of an equine head located in front of its human torso. The two heads function independently of each other, with the human head retaining control of the upper body and the horse head retaining control of the lower body. Researchers have remarked that "it just looks like a legless guy riding a horse". While subject has displayed some combat potential after being given several weeks for the human component to "train" the horse component, Command has stated that "It isn't good enough. We need a centaur. All you've created are mounted troops that can never dismount."

@TheTetrapod

6 жыл бұрын

Amazing.

@nertcher1563

6 жыл бұрын

Trey Forest how much experience with SCPs have you got?

@treyforest2466

6 жыл бұрын

NERTCHER [DATA EXPUNGED]

@Zcumgod

6 жыл бұрын

NERTCHER [REDACTED]

@joemorgan2390

6 жыл бұрын

Trey Forest With a bit more modification that last one could be turned into a nuckelavee.

i like how griffin mispronounced centaur at the beginning and then everyone just went with it for the rest of the discussion

This will forever be my favorite mbmbam goof. It's such a passionate debate about the most outrageous thing, but maintains such a considerate and honest discourse. It's got such intellectual integrity but it's also just the most bizarre, hilarious shit.

I THINK HORSES SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOTE

Centowers

@PizzaDinosaur

6 жыл бұрын

I heard "Sin-Towers" and thought things were about to get intensely theological

@lawrencecalablaster568

5 жыл бұрын

That sounds like a siege weapon that centaurs use.

I think when the guy mentioned that Centaurs were better at archery, he meant some sort of lore or like trope in fantasy fiction. BUT, wouldn't it also make sense for a centaur to have the advantage over an archer on horseback because the centaur knows exactly how the "horse" is going to move, and be able to adjust the positioning of his bow accordingly?

@genobrosX

6 жыл бұрын

But then they would also have to be thinking about how their lower body is moving on top of trying to aim their bow while humans can just offload all the running considerations to the horse.

@notWerewolf

6 жыл бұрын

genobrosX I think I might be late, but when you run and throw a ball, do you focus on your LEGS?

@genobrosX

6 жыл бұрын

No, but when I fire a bow I stand still. More complex actions require more thought and training to perform effectively, such as drawing back a bow and mentally targeting. Also, if you're focusing on aiming then you're more likely to trip or stumble. With horse riders, the horse is handling the 'don't fuck this up legman' side of things so the human can devote themselves more to the act of archery. Also don't worry about necroing someone's comment. If you've got something to contribute or expand upon then BE THE FUCKING NECROMANCER, FRIEND.

@Natakupl

6 жыл бұрын

okay BUT a sintower is running, comin at ya, he can only shoot a bow straight or left or right. A humon can sorta keep the horse going forward and turn his ass around and he got the whole 360 filed of death. BUT deal with this- a human traitor can ride a sintower and form the ultimate death machine.

Here's an idea for ya...sintower gets injure in its leg, don't shoot it, don't put it down, but the horse leg falls off, and you have a human leg growing out in it's place, and the monstrosity ball just keeps growing.

@ShotgunFiend

6 жыл бұрын

at what point do they stop being a cintower because all their cintower bits fell off and theyre just a human again? wheres the line

@emmagrace1812

6 жыл бұрын

What the fuck

@victoriahall1404

5 жыл бұрын

Why'd you make me imagine that?

@CollinM24

Жыл бұрын

The first centaur was a horse that was guillotined for crimes

why would they fight, they're in love

@Silverwind87

3 жыл бұрын

make love not war

I've never felt so inspired to write before. They just giftedus like 15 different centaur v human stories on a silver platter

This is, bar none, my favorite mcelroy bit ever. I need more serious discussions about fantasy.

@campaignshockandawe

4 жыл бұрын

In terms of long-form fantasy-based discussions, it's clearly up there along with their Ghostbusters/Slimer goof kzread.info/dash/bejne/p3mepdmbac7Rg7Q.html

Nine minutes into this video the absurdity hit me all at once and I just started laughing so hard

If you have to run 10 miles, a centaur would be super tired... but a human could just jump off the horse and onto a new one who isn't tired. Or just fight on foot in a pinch. Like 10 soldiers can just sit inside of a cart pulled by 2 horses. BAM infinite energy conservation for the humans. Not to mention there is a TON of anti-horse fighting tactics that exist in the real world. Having a mixed battle line has always been better than 100% horsed armies. Centaurs loose out on like 80% of tactics. They can't use crossbows because they can't really reach the ground to crank it efficiently. This is a big problem as crossbows are really much better than bows for untrained people and has more* penetration. And as people have said, humans can like climb ladders and walk through smaller doors and shit. Not to mention a centaur getting instantly dead the moment they broke their leg.

ok but if we're using just bows and spears and swords, centaur has the agility advantage cause instead of having to control a horse AND a weapon, for them they naturally control the horse body and their arms. a human has to keep a steady horse AND a steady weapon.

@nertcher1563

6 жыл бұрын

a bat warhorses are traditionally trained to respond to pressure at your kneesies.

@michaelmoone3676

6 жыл бұрын

a bat i was originally thinking that a centower would have to focus on the battle and movement while the human could focus entirely on the battle, but yeah youre right the human would have to delegate MORE brainpower to control the horse

@genobrosX

6 жыл бұрын

Centaurs have to consider both their horse body and human body at the same time in any engagement. Humans just have to get the horse still enough to fire from and don't constantly have to watch their footing because the horse is already doing it for them. While centaurs are better for just cantering around humans are better for switching between battle and riding. Different 'play-styles' which require different tactics.

This is a near 20 minute video that answers an A or B question.

@GippyHappy

4 жыл бұрын

Well it doesn't _really_ answer it but it puts forth a lot of interesting questions

"WE NEED TO STOP MAKING MIX-UPS IN GOD'S CHIPOTLE AND JUST ACCEPT WHAT WE HAVE ON EARTH, STOP THROWING THE BEANS AND RICE AROUND IN THE GOOD LORD'S CHIPOTLE AND JUST TRY TO BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT WE GET."

Horse head/Human Body is called a Tikbalang. A Filipino mythological creature which is basically a werehorse but with human body

I'm going to be "that guy" this time, and go ahead and say that the boys didn't think this one through. Boys, you just kept assuming that the humans would fight the centaurs where the centaurs have an advantage. And if they did, yeah they'd lose. But here's what you didn't consider. How does horse body climb castle walls? How does horse-body help against humans building shit? Not to get too accurate here, but the Europeans beat the Vikings by building a bunch of castles and shit. So they'd just build a bunch of castles, and blammo. Fuck you, cen-towers

@wendtchr

6 жыл бұрын

Archsteel I mean, centaurs can build things too. They have arms and equivalent intelligence.

@archsteel7

6 жыл бұрын

Chris Wendt But they don't, as it's a societal taboo. But, even without that, their horse bodies make it difficult to build or operate many structures. Essentially, everything they build has to accommodate their body type. And as far as that goes, they are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to building against humans.

@thatchannelofnothing

6 жыл бұрын

Are you suggesting that the vikings were all secretly centaurs?

@MrWhirle

6 жыл бұрын

Other OTHER point: what famously happens when a horse injures it's leg? Just get children on ponies with hammers, fire up the glue factory, and then check and mate.

@tbotalpha8133

6 жыл бұрын

The centaurs don't have to assault fortifications. Castles of all kinds are reliant on outside food supplies. You can't wall in every field, pasture and orchard. All that stuff is gonna have to be outside the castle walls, right where the centaurs can pillage and/or burn it with impunity. The centaurs could just surround the castles so no-one could get in or out, then sit around munching oats and watching the humans starve. If the humans wanted to win, they'd have to sally forth and fight on the centaurs' terms. Hell, that's how most historical sieges played out. Hollywood storm-the-walls assaults were fairly rare - usually the attackers just starved the defenders into submission.

Isn't there a horse dating sim where it's a horse body, horse neck and anime boy head.

@buffypython

6 жыл бұрын

If there isn't, there should be

@cubalayabandit5591

6 жыл бұрын

buffypython Oh there is, and it's terrifying. I believe it's called My Horse Boyfriend or something along those lines

@emmagrace1812

6 жыл бұрын

Um, I *HOPE SO* ?

@chrissiwhalley9315

6 жыл бұрын

You should try 'Hatoful Boyfriend', the pigeon dating sim! It's the worst game I've ever played but it made me laugh so much at it's awfulness I couldn't stop playing. It made me understand the expression 'so bad it's good'!

@tantalus44

4 жыл бұрын

No

have y'all ever looked up 'reverse centaurs' on the internet? just do that. it'll change your life. you'll laugh yourself unconscious.

this went places i never expected

From the viewpoint of a centaur, seeing a human on a horse is seeing a torso with flesh sticks attached to it riding legs with a weird head (assuming they don't already know about horses and humans).

@crowstrive1426

6 жыл бұрын

Holy shit I've never thought about this what the fuck

@ezrawyrd9275

6 жыл бұрын

Dang that is an unsettling observation

@GippyHappy

4 жыл бұрын

Look up "reverse centaur"

I love how this silly question turned into deep philosophical debate. Man's sense of humor on display. Patrice O'Neal

13:07 for Sssuuugar cubes

Griffin: the sidesaddle centaur is the most grisly thing I can imagine. Also Griffin: *co-hosts Monster Factory*

every time i listen to this i get flashbacks to playing guild wars 2 where there is, in fact, a war between humans and centaurs

just be thankful we're not talking about humans vs minotaurs

@tbotalpha8133

6 жыл бұрын

Humans already won that one, though. Theseus was only a man, and he fucked up the Minotaur.

This was my favorite bit from the podcast and the part I introduced to me wife in the car. A good choice I say.

A centaur isn't really able to fight people who are behind it or to its side, whereas a human can pivot on horseback better.

Favorite bit by far!!!

does the centure have two ribcages?

@Taylermaed

6 жыл бұрын

Siirezzii one really long flexible ribcage

@lawrencecalablaster568

5 жыл бұрын

I think so; I've seen a lot of diagrams.

God i love the diversity of topics on this podcast

shooting arrows off a horse would be much harder than shooting a guy on a horse, especially if you are half horse.

amazing

one arrow and the horse is like "fuck you I'm free"

Obvious centaur advantage in this deal

1:58 was that a reference to how you tame horses in breath of the wild?

@tbotalpha8133

6 жыл бұрын

I'm almost certain that it was.

I think another thing to keep in mind is time it takes to birth more of each because humans probably take less time in pregnancy than a centaur does if you're going to base a centaur off of a horse

wish you guys knew something about horses before you had this talk, but you brought up all the major things a real horse would do, mostly, leave! it is an interesting concept, centaurs (cen-tors) and I think it would be awesome to be one.

I thought about it, and it would probably be way difficult to organize an army of centowers, given the fact that they are so used to being wild and free, and thus would be innately averse to being commanded around.

Based on my fire emblem experience the centaurs will have lots of trouble traversing through forest areas or anywhere sand is and will not even be able to enter more densely wooded areas while the humans on horseback can just select the dismount option at the start of their turn and become infantry units

Ok but as for the horses defecting to centaurs, what's to say for sure that the centaurs would *accept* the horses? Would they see regular horses as like primitive, stupid things that have the audacity to not have a human growing out of them? So do horses then become a third faction in this war?

An enlightening conversation about murder Seabiscuits.

makin mixups in gods chipotle

I'm sorry but the centowers are going to win. All the height and beefy-body power of a tower but the arms and vision of a man? No contest.

Horse torso hands and feet where the legs of the horse would go and just a human head no neck

I don’t know if yall know, but there’s actually a dating sim of a horse with a human head

I hope one day they do this again but it's Humans vs. [Insert other mythical creature here]

We give 'em suuuugar cubes

Centuauaurs have more experience moving quickly, of course they would have better archery skills.

Leave it to everyone's favorite straight white dudes to debate a "who would win" for 20 minutes without finding an actual answer

5:15 centaurs would be better archers because, long story short, they can use longer bows than humans on horseback

drawfee needs to draw the first batch centaurs

What if centowers have redundant organs since they're an amalgam of 2 animals? Like, in this fantasy world, say centowers are the brainchild of a sorcerer who essentially combined human and horse with no thought to differences in organs. So, if the human liver gets stabbed, you still have your horse liver & it's more or less the same as when a human donates a kidney.

@marveltard

6 жыл бұрын

buffypython if centowers have double the organs that could also be a weakness- I doubt the humany parts can sustain the horsey, and if you take pug the humany torso I thing the damaged organs can fuckup nutrient transfer to the brain something fierce. And having double orgs would probably be really innefficient- humany orgs suck for horsey-type digestion They would need an outstanding amount of food and their brain to know how to process it to send the right stuff to the right parts. I guess they could second minor brain like the big longneck dinos i the horsey organs could operate by that brain...Im overthinking this. But its fun lmao

@tbotalpha8133

6 жыл бұрын

Your digestive tract actually has its own semi-separate neural network, that allows it to digest food with little input from the brain.

@genobrosX

6 жыл бұрын

This would make sense if the double organs were just in one body, but the horse and human parts both probably need their own feed of nutrients to function. Also having double set of organs just means you have more places to bleed to death from.

God's Chipotle

Sintaurs can control the horse part better. Humans have guns and smol can sneak.

sintowers

My first question in these scenarios. who has ladder capability? humans. OK they win

Why can't Centaurs build traps too?

Important question : is Bojack Horseman a centaur?

I wish I was as pro-Joe Biden as the boys were in this extended goof.

1:59 breath of the wild joke?

cenTARRGS

You guys talk about not assuming things and shit and you just automatically assume that the centaurs just have some mental connection with horses.

I think a fact that the brothers didn't consider is that centaurs are disgusting amalgamations of horse and man that should not be. Plonking a human torso on the front of a horse would not only cripple the horse parts ability to run and balance but would also neuter the human part's ability to manoeuvre and fight because grabbing any weapons would further mess with the horse parts and trying to move around on top of the horse would also threaten to topple the whole monstrosity. Also extending the spine that far up to reach the brain would increase the average time a message takes to go go up and down the whole column, meaning centaurs would take a hit to 'piloting' their horse bodies. Finally, the mental effects of a war would also play against a centaur. Even Assuming they don't share the skittishness of horses centaurs would get worn out much more quickly then humans. Centaurs would not only have to run all over the god-damned place to keep up with humans but also have to actively fight and tank injuries on top on that. Humans on the other hand are less tired out by travel with their horses and can switch steeds to let them rest. And that ends my god damned seminar of why centaurs would be shit out of luck in a military engagement with humans.

LIKE 666 SUMMON THE DEVIL

If you kill a horse the person can get another horse, centaurs can't get new legs. Checkmate Centards.

yo it's obvious that u shoot a horse in its legs its most likely done and if u shoot a human the part that rlly matters to kill is that heart and gut- so centaurs r mostly human heart and gut and then mostly horse leg!!!!!! so centaurs r gonna DIE in battle!!!!!!! plus humans can go without horse and they can climb things!!!!!!!! humans win

@michaelmoone3676

6 жыл бұрын

grace w the question is though are the heart and lungs and whatnot stored in the horse part or the human part? OR could we assume they have horse versions of both?? :o

@gracedorothy430

6 жыл бұрын

michael moone yo real question do they.......... have both??

@genobrosX

6 жыл бұрын

To be honest they'll probably need hearts and guts in both bits otherwise they won't be able to function without their heart giving out under the stain or malnutrition.

New comment on old video: Why do we assume Centaurs and Horses are genetically more closely linked than Humans and Chimpanzees? I would assume that they're different enough that the Centaurs are not confused and/or incensed about Humans riding Horses. Example: My dad's parrot loves to eat chicken. They're both birds, but they're so different genetically and it's not seen as cannibalism.

I think I was the 666th view and honestly I feel blessed