It was nice of her to forgive her mother for being murdered, regardless of how selfish it was for her mom to do that.

@brianmurphy6480

2 ай бұрын

This seems to be the most constant and enduring theme in movies written by women: resentment towards their mothers. Which is funny, because it's almost always the father that's absent. 🤦‍♂️

@vlalelrlila

2 ай бұрын

Of the many plot holes and stupid fast things this movie has you really chose to focus on one of the things they actually explained well. She is clearly angry her mother risked her baby by going to the amazons 8-9 months pregnant, as if she didn't care for or even wanted the baby, she thinks her mother hated her. Also she implies at the baby shower she doesn't know her mother was murdered because she mentions neonatal death

@russianoverkill3715

2 ай бұрын

​@@brianmurphy6480fatherless behaviour💀

@terryrocks2j

2 ай бұрын

@@brianmurphy6480 And the fathers in the film were all nowhere to be found. Mary's husband was away and she gave birth ahead of schedule so that can be excused. Cassandra's father is not even mentioned once.

@MOMO-m0m0

2 ай бұрын

@@vlalelrlilathe resentment still doesn’t make sense. She died of natural causes.

She wasn't kidding about the script being AI generated, they just picked an AI that wants to see the world burn.

@gj9157

2 ай бұрын

It's not about money, it's about sending a message.. everything burns 🔥

@haroldb1856

2 ай бұрын

ScriptNet eventually evolves into SkyNet.

@RealtaoNua

2 ай бұрын

I love democracy

@redcarpetproductions3410

2 ай бұрын

Humans need not apply.

@Chunk7PeanutButter

2 ай бұрын

Sum AI, just want to watch the world burn

one of the "creatives" behind Madame web literally said they chose 2003 because they wanted to play "Toxic" in the soundtrack. Serious.

@MikeTheD

2 ай бұрын

What's crazy is these people's identity is wrapped around "being a creative", yet they're stunningly uncreative. This generation seems to be just "playing at" their industry and very shallow. Especially if they check boxes and play woke ball, they can just sorta jump right in with zero experience or success, and then continually fail upward.

@brianmurphy6480

2 ай бұрын

​@@MikeTheD"z0mg, I've been working here for 6 months! Seriously, when the hell do I get my executive suite?! 😢"

@tekno647

2 ай бұрын

​@MikeTheD sooner or later, things will start to swing back, and these creatives that fail upward are going to have that harder of a fall down to rock bottom.

@____uncompetative

2 ай бұрын

That was because Cassandra (nice reference to the Cassandra of Greek myth who was cursed to utter true prophesies that wouldn't be believed) warns the girls to stay in the forest and they ignore her, sees what will happen in the diner with the skateboarder Mattie being grabbed by evil Spider-Man who uses his toxic venom to poison her, which is why Cassandra later teaches them all CPR in the event their hearts go into arrest from this poison). This makes the choice of song very appropriate to the threat posed by the villain. He is toxic masculinity. He shot Cassandra's mother. His visions are a curse because he stole the magical spider whose properties were the subject of myth as the spider-people were believed to exist. This film was better than the mess that was _Spider-Man: No Way Home_ which undermined the stakes by having multiple Spider-Men so a couple could have died and you would still have one. It also killed the cat, a cardinal sin in screenwriting by having Aunt May die. They killed Marisa Tomei? Fuck them. _Madame Web_ is entertaining and doesn't overstay its welcome and I was able to clearly hear all of the dialogue without subtitles and didn't get boring like _DUNE._ I've seen Paul ride the sandworm. Meh, frankly. Quite nice to see Christopher Walken is in it, but Jason Momoa's character is dead (although he comes back in later books as a clone). So, _Madame Web_ was an 8/10 and _No Way Home_ only an 6/10. _DUNE_ is a 6/10 meh. _Infinity War_ gets a 3/10 and _Endgame_ only gets a 2/10. _Morbius_ gets an 7/10 and _The Marvels_ gets an 8/10. _Thor: Love & Thunder_ gets 2/10.

@joejoejoej9763

2 ай бұрын

​@@____uncompetativeamazing comment. Subscribed. Now shut up and gimme a kiss

$15M: _Godzilla Minus One_ $80M:

@Leodog92

2 ай бұрын

Sony Pictures: Just a small loan of a million of dollars 😅

@Goldenspiderducck

2 ай бұрын

Honestly, this might be the only one that _could_ make that back. Eventually. Sony just has to stay out of the fucking way and let it organically progress. Let the art house and independent theaters run it at 11 o’clock or midnight. Start small. It’s got alllllll the earmarks of a cult film. But it cannot be forced.

@murdermatics

2 ай бұрын

2.2 million on its second day 26 projected through the holiday weekend. Bloody marvelous.

@shan4680

2 ай бұрын

The Godzilla Minus One director said he *wished* he had $15 million for the budget. He had less.

@pacoramon9468

2 ай бұрын

Both by japanese companies.

This is Platoons attempt at making a KZread Short.

@peposo7

2 ай бұрын

Ouch....

@LeoneLaTwerk2

2 ай бұрын

Its not even an insult honestly. This is how I picture his shorts are. His usual is lik 2-5 hours

@gruthakhul100

2 ай бұрын

@@LeoneLaTwerk2 I could listen to him 24 hours straight x__X

@MisterGames

2 ай бұрын

LOL 🤣

"Mom, can we have Spiderman?" "No, we have Spiderman at home." Spiderman at home:

@adrianramirez8882

2 ай бұрын

It's just mom dressing up like Spider-Man.

@olololo4807

2 ай бұрын

you mean spiderpeople

@Kalashee

2 ай бұрын

Spider Man is Far From Home at this point… 👀

@Sforschondetta

2 ай бұрын

Spiderman at home Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

@f2p-setto508

2 ай бұрын

@@KalasheeThat’s kinda clever.

In the director's cut Uncle Ben is bitten by a black widow and begins selling rice.

@fightrudyfight5799

2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂 this already sounds way better lol

@blacklivesorblackvotes2985

2 ай бұрын

That sounds like a much more interesting story.

@RiceDaddy07

2 ай бұрын

Racist.

@Justmonika6969

2 ай бұрын

​@@RiceDaddy07 Based

@KrolKaz

2 ай бұрын

Selling rice is racist?

Bad movies use to be bad for good reasons. As in, the studios failed despite trying. Now we see failures because it looks like they sabotage themselves.

@SamM-gl9zc

2 ай бұрын

The sad part is that they still think they're trying... What we're seeing is the *Inevitable* outcome of allowing your enemies to take over your higher education system - Educating people with ideas completely antithetical to their own society, and then those people go into positions of power throughout the entertainment industry, among other important sectors of society that help drive the direction of that society. In short, we're seeing constant crap because we live in an era of Goebbels-Vision, masquerading as progress and tolerance. With many, many unwitting accomplices, who think they're doing a good thing because they've been educated to think so.

@axis8396

2 ай бұрын

I'm convinced they're tax write-offs

@boobah5643

2 ай бұрын

@@axis8396 You have to make the money before you have to worry about them taxing the money, though...

@peposo7

2 ай бұрын

Not even Reb Brown doing his signature BattleCry would save this movie.

"I hate my mother for going to the Amazon to find a cure that will help a lot of the people I treat on a daily basis! Oh, wait she went to cure me of a genetic disorder? Well since it was to benefit me directly, I love my mother!"

@Ramsey276one

2 ай бұрын

BRILLIANT

I would be happy for someone to give me 80 million clams if their expectation was that I simply make a big pile of shit

@brianmurphy6480

2 ай бұрын

I'm lactose intolerant. Gimme $8 million and a bucket of ice cream; I'll put out the same result in 2 hours. 🤷‍♂️

@ryanbarker5217

2 ай бұрын

put me in, coach, i'm ready

@Chunkieta

2 ай бұрын

one clam would be enough for me tbh, then 80 million for maintenance

@Ramsey276one

2 ай бұрын

$100 is enough to make that happen! Dairy and chocolate! XD

@Ramsey276one

2 ай бұрын

​@@brianmurphy6480 THERE YOU GO! XD

"When you take on the responsibility, great power will come." is the number 1 thing I'll remember from this movie. Martin Scorsese was wrong. This is real cinema

@lateam9786

2 ай бұрын

It sounds like a line a villain would say now

@neillindgren8992

2 ай бұрын

Hmm…maybe I was doing things wrong. Whenever I had take on responsibility for whatever thing, all I ended up with afterward was tiredness.

@vertigo2894

2 ай бұрын

He made a racist comment without even realising it. So "diverse female character one and diverse female character 2"? The white ones are not diverse right? His subconscious sees white as the default for anything. That isn't fair. So to avoid being labeled as a diverse character, you must be white eh? I'm disappointed him. And before anyone strawmans me, I have no objection to the criticism of the movie or any other movie in general.

@underthepale

2 ай бұрын

@@vertigo2894 You are correct. White is not diverse. "Pale and Male is Stale," as the new saying goes. And in order to avoid being labeled as a "diverse" character, you must first *be* a character. Which many forced diversity attempts are not. It's all really quite simple.

@reviewbomb85

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, I laughed out loud on that part. Luckily I was the only one there, so it wasn't a problem.

One of the head writers said and I quote "we put it in 2003 so we could play Britney Spears Toxic in the movie." That's why.

@KeytarArgonian

2 ай бұрын

I howled with laughter at that. ‘Why 2003??’ ‘Because Britney Spears Toxic that’s why!’ 😂😂😂

@Mdautkreix

2 ай бұрын

These idiots probably got paid 6 figures for choices like that too 🤦🏼‍♂️

@kaykutcher2103

2 ай бұрын

​@@Mdautkreix Which reminds me, I need to evacuate the moths from my wallet.

@pussygangster5976

2 ай бұрын

What’s more hilarious is that Toxic was released January 12 2004…🤡

@D.S.handle

2 ай бұрын

I thought it was because they needed to have Peter Parker parents in the story.

How a random spider grants a person godlike power is beyond me. You can literally replace the spider with an alien tech or a magic dodat, and the story doesnt change at all

@hoTube.

2 ай бұрын

They have to reference Spiderman to attract as many people as possible (which didn't work at all)

@TuberoseKisser

2 ай бұрын

​@@hoTube. I mean.... isn't Madame Web connected directly to Spiderman lore? I feel like they were gonna have to reference it at one point.

@Ta2dwitetrash

2 ай бұрын

Madam Mcguffin

@Insideoutcest

2 ай бұрын

@Imm334 dont tell spiderman fans this

@matane2465

2 ай бұрын

Or a blood transfusion from an alien from the planet Spider.

The scathing reviews will continue until Holywood improves.

@chasehedges6775

2 ай бұрын

Exactly but Modern Hollywood only knows how to go downward

@gj9157

2 ай бұрын

It amazes me how they don't learn from every mistake they make.

@MikeTheD

2 ай бұрын

And now, even with people who humored the clear devolvement the last decade, it will get worse with each failure that has this same woke stink. They just can't make entertainment, even if you agree with their word salads. Their defenders were hoping to just ride it out in hopes things would improve, but it's getting worse and worse they now see

@SaithMasu12

2 ай бұрын

@@gj9157 They know exactly what they are doing. Do you think movies from the past are all made by a genius mastermind that you somehow cannot find anymore today? Its not about that, it was never about that. They could do great movies if they wanted. But they dont. Its about sending a message. Its about earning ESG points. Its about being as worse as possible while being woke as possible.

@gj9157

2 ай бұрын

@SaithMasu12 Yet most people don't care about woke politics. You'd think they would've figured that one out a long time ago.

When the same writers that gave you Gods Of Egypt and Dracula Untold didn't get banned from ever writing anything again after losing the studios over a half a billion bucks? I seriously doubt a 100 million flop like Madame Web will hurt them any.

@kamukameh

2 ай бұрын

Those writers got some plot armor I guess... 😂🤣😁

@kri249

2 ай бұрын

Gods of Egypt was actually quite entertaining. The story was coherently written too which is lacking these days. The only problem was it tried to be a hollywood blockbuster film when it was perfectly suited a "straight to DVD" quality film. So the high expectations are what hurt the film.

When Madame Web said "I don't like spiders. They're coarse, and rough, and irritating, and they get everywhere." I cried tears of joy.

My favourite part of Madame Web was when she crossed the Rubicon to free Sparta from the rule of Jean-Baptiste Zorg.

@jfh9219

2 ай бұрын

Or the Borg?

@crazymcgee3604

2 ай бұрын

That's Jean-Baptiste. Emmanuelle. Zorg.

@kamukameh

2 ай бұрын

I can't remember, was this before or after she built Stonehenge all by herself?

@satisfied656

2 ай бұрын

Just another Marvel/Disney-brain-diarrhea! What?! This wasn´t their fault...it was #Sony?? OMG we are all lost!

@Kyle-sr6jm

2 ай бұрын

Her Multi-Pass didn't scan, that was a serious plot hole.

“When you accept responsibility… great power will come.” Pretty much says it all. Thanks for providing more entertainment in a review than the actual movie, Ploots.

"she sees him coming before he actually comes" 50 shades of web right there

@Ramsey276one

2 ай бұрын

Chuck Tingle, work your magic! XD

Peruvian spider people sound just as awesome as the Chilean ninja turtles

I loved the bit where she says “it’s webbin time!” And then she webbed all over the place. One of the moments in movies of all time!

@TaoScribble

2 ай бұрын

That sounds kinky AF. XD

Madame web asked Morbius "If I were to fight you In a webbing and morbing technique, who would win me or you?" Morbius then said "When it comes to sheer morbing, and webbing, I alone left an overwhelming intensity behind all of it, therefore my abilities are truly uncontested" Madame replied "Because with this treasure I summon, always bet on [it's madaming webbing time]" Morbius simply smirks and said "Nah I'd morb"

@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access

2 ай бұрын

I cried, weeped, howled. Truly dialogue of all time.

@hawttub_2265

2 ай бұрын

“Stand Proud Madame, you are Web.”

@uvewott2243

2 ай бұрын

THE cinema moment of all time

@stalk711

2 ай бұрын

Are you Madame because you're Web or are you Web because you're Madame?

"Great Art does not require authorial intent." . holy shit, what a burn.

This film has to be Sony wanting to crash and burn the superhero movie market, I cannot be convinced it’s anything else.

Next time I see a spider, I'm going to make it bite me. I could do with some strange super powers that only take effect under certain obsure situations.

@TheNotoriousNemo

2 ай бұрын

Don't do that because the bite could get infected

@genichiroashina6372

2 ай бұрын

​@@TheNotoriousNemothat just shows that it is working 👍🥂

@frankowalker4662

2 ай бұрын

@@TheNotoriousNemo Knowing my luck the spider would get super powers. LOL.

@someguy5977

2 ай бұрын

@@frankowalker4662 Nah, that's what would happen if the spider was bitten by Chuck Norris.

@andrewhawking7893

2 ай бұрын

You gonna get the super power of muscular paralysis 😂

“When you get some power and it’s great then there’s also some responsibility which is equal to the power in its greatness. “

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss 15 bucks goodbye. It doesn’t get any better than this - so brave and stunning!

@Wien1938

2 ай бұрын

I'm more amazed at the cost. It's £4.99 here.

“By accepting great responsibility comes great power,” is the perfect slogan for the moronic thinking that impels the creators of these movies.

@KeytarArgonian

2 ай бұрын

It’s like a Chinese knockoff subtitle it’s so funny 😂

5:20 looks like the mom flipped everyone off before dying.

If Sydney Sweeney wore what she did to the premiere for the entire movie, it would've made a lot more money.

Is it morbin' time?

I hope the Rifftrax guys get ahold of this one.

@boobah5643

2 ай бұрын

Are they going to license it for an all-in-one movie-with-soundtrack? No. Are they going to make like their name and release a riff track? Almost certainly. It's not as if they need permission for that.

I love the part where Dakota Johnson uses her white web and connects them all by saying "My white sticky web connects them all" truly, a cinematic madame web experience.

@kingston4313

2 ай бұрын

R u serious

1:43 Agitated Platoon gives me life.

This film is a masterclass in how not to make a superhero movie, leaving you wishing for a spider bite that grants the power to forget you ever saw it.

I didn’t know Jeremy Jahns was in this film

@blacknoircomicbook6495

2 ай бұрын

He saw that this movie was horrible and Turner back in time to kill the cast

I'm convinced Sony just has a small pool of writers and directors they keep going back to because no one else will work with them

The other day, I was wondering if we were going to get a 4 hour review from The Little Platoon of this 2 hour, CW made-for-tv movie.

5:17 I mean, what are you doing 8 months pregnant chasing spiders in the peruvian forest

My favorite part of the movie is when the group experienced something profoundly tomorrow.

“A short review” for 17 minutes?!! I’m not even shocked I’m grateful. Imagine how long a full review would be!!

@MrBonified66

2 ай бұрын

you must be new here :)

Watch this Movie If you want to broke-up with your partner.

If your character is comparable to Bran...you may be in trouble.

@idawg7332

2 ай бұрын

And not just bran, season 7 and 8 bran specifically

We want Spiderman. We don't want Madam Webb or The Woman Spider or any other forms of sentient spider-like beings. We want Spiderman. It's not hard.

@peposo7

2 ай бұрын

But but but but but....I thought you liked the Spiderverse. Everyone loves teh Spiderverse!

This flick would be a great choice for Mystery Science Theater.

Modern Hollywood reminds me of the Seinfeld tv series where George and Jerry are pitching their show to tv executives. George does a horrible job at pitching it prompting the president of the company to inquire “ why am I watching this?” George’s response is “ because it’s on tv!” I think new writers have that mentality that because it is a movie you are going to watch it. 🤦🏻‍♂️

a) I am so looking forward to watching this on stream. b) I am so looking forward to the full review. c) The dry humor gets me, every time. :D

I really love the editing in your videos. Fun to watch!

6:05 The three "teenage girls" being literally one dimensional characters made me think of Dorothy's companions in Oz.

wow - i can wait until it is the only fillm on an airplane to Europe.

I'm already looking forward to the full review/breakdown. It will be great, as always.

It's so good to hear you again, my dear Platoon. I'm awaiting for the full review with great impatience now!

This morning I fired up It Happened One Night. What a pallet cleanser. Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable, classy performances, witty sharp script, will they won't they - Frank Capra's tight direction. After listening to FNT last night discussing the wreck that is Madam Web, I needed something good.

My favorite part was when Madame Web said to the bad guy, " This might be none of my business but I'm making it Madamme business!" So powerful, so inspiring 💪

I've heard that history often repeats itself. Considering this notion, and the laughable quality of recent cinema, I can't help but to wonder if we haven't returned to the "B Movie" era of yesteryear...the only difference being that the B movies of today somehow cost a quarter of a billion dollars to produce lol

@archstanton9073

2 ай бұрын

The B-movie Era of the 50's and 60's existed so teens could go to a theater or drive-in and make out. That's why there's usually long stretches of film, usually in the middle of it where scientists and military men are just talking about stuff in the most bland way possible. That's when you're supposed to make your move.

Finally a short review. I have been waiting for this day since last year.

when my friends and i saw this in theaters we laughed like hyenas every time the villain was onscreen. funniest movie i’ve seen in years by far

Thank you for this. I didn't know how much I needed this review.

13:09 - This line literally killed me dead of laughter 😂🤣😭💀

I already can’t wait for the whole review.

Loving the trailer for the review.

Damn it! With all of the great content surrounding this cinematic "experience" provided by the likes of you, drinker and nerdrotic to name a few, I think I might have to watch this atrocity to enjoy these kind of content more.

Dude I love how you overpicture the video too actually show the things ❤️that’s that over convenient platoon’s ways 👍❤️

"Hey! Come on! Get your stuff! Let's go!" Me when I was leaving the theater.

I didnt know you had other channels. Subscribed.

Thank you for the review !

Awesome review. Glad you are back!

Glad to see you having fun!

That is the funniest review of the film I have seen! You nailed it! 😂

looks like i m going to have to see this one in the original version, bc the synchronization-speakers in germany usually are better actors than the ones in the movies and dramatically improove them. I ve seen the likes go up from 14 to 159 while i watched your review,,, 163 now... im so looking forward to the full review...173 likes...

@kamukameh

2 ай бұрын

Ein Hallo aus Österreich! 😁 Den Film gibt's bald bestimmt auf Tele 5. 😉

The title legitimately made me chuckle

Oh boy new Little Platoon content. Time to pause everything else in my life.

This contribution ranks now among the top three funniest movie reviews I have ever seen. I literally can’t wait to see the full breakdown. Chapeau LostChord.

why the hell am i just realizing this is a legit separate channel from Little Platoon??! 🤣😂 LOVED IT!

Thank you, I’m now tempted to watch it

it's an ad for a planned game where you play as them

6:49 Wait spider powers allow her to see the future? Soooo Jay Exci's theory about fortune telling spider's actually made it to the big screen....

So nice you’ll review it twice! 😁 that’s literally what I did with Wakanda Forever but Ikanda got respect for it now. I don’t think I can watch this movie in good conscious now 😂 can’t wait for the full bloody breakdown

LMMFAO!!! When he said: "and Sydney Sweeney", my browser lost the will to live, gave up the ghost, and crashed! I couldn't stop laughing!

I'm genuinely disgusted by your maligning of drunk Puffins. They would never associate themselves with this cold vomit of a movie.

One thing about the newspaper and diner scene... That all happens ON THE SAME DAY. It's like 12 or 1pm when the bad guy chases them and it's like 9pm when they get to the diner. And yet, a newspaper already has it on its front page. I mean, they had broadcast news in 2003; newspapers don't print stories that quickly. And even if this news somehow became a huge story within like, 12 hours (and it wouldn't, because it's New York City and crazier stuff happens in real life everyday that doesn't make the news,) wouldn't that mean there's enough eyewitnesses and surveillance footage to clear Cassie as not being the kidnapper? How is she able to even return home if she's on the run from the police, let alone leave and re-enter the country? She's supposedly a wanted kidnapper who's identity as an public servant is easy to identify, and yet she can move around so freely, she can steal several cars in the movie like a GTA protagonist. This movie brings up so many questions in its incompetence.

Congratulations on being Platoon'd, ladies.

Spiders. Precognition. What. the. fk.? How does that work?

@DerichndofCoomland

2 ай бұрын

It is well known that spiders can see the future

@boobah5643

2 ай бұрын

@@DerichndofCoomland How else would they know where to build their webs?

Thank you, that was the best short breakdown on the movie I've seen. It is so bad in certain ways that AI writing this movie seems very plausible.

I look forward to a several hour breakdown video, dont know about everyone else

I'm surprised noone's called 'Evil' 'Discount Sam Rockwell' yet.

Thank you for this review. I feel certain this review was much more entertaining than the film itself.

And this... THIS is why the screen-writers wanted a raise?!

The intersplicing with past Marvel movies on this review *chef's kiss*

Morbius - Doctor travels to jungle to find magic bat that cures all ills Madam Webb - doctor travels to jungle to find magic spider that cures all ills These movies are written by the same people

@peposo7

2 ай бұрын

Serpent King - Dr travels to a jungle to find a mystical King Snake that can cure all ills if it bits you. Dr Pirahnna - doctah travels to a jungle to find a unique Queen Pirahnna that can cure all ills if it bits you. Iguana Boy - Traveled with Medical parents to a jungle to find a rare, ancient lizard that can cure all ills if it bits you. Queen Tigress - M.D. candidate travels to a jungle to find.......

"I'm being accused of kidnapping? I know I shall abduct the suspected witnesses and leave them in the woods. I am totally innocent"

looking forward to this coming out on streaming so i can have a laugh without wasting my money

Hey, you've got new react icons! I like them.

Still patiently waiting for the full breakdown

12:05 Peruvian-Spider-Jesus 🤣🤣🤣

The Web connects us all

I'm not ready to do this. But yeah, I see Dakota signing Ultra 32K holographic VR BR copies in midnight screenings with assistants disguised as spider- women when she's like 70. Ladies and Gentleman we have the the 21st centuy's Showgirls. I can't wait for the xxx parody featuring a Sweeney's look-alike.

I have a really shitty week at work on the cards, but the news that a Little Platoon video on this shitshow is coming makes me look forward to next week!

6:01 Dammit! Missed opportunity!

DOCTOR Evil! I didn’t spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called “Mr”, thank you very much.