Audio may be a bit janky on this one as I am very unprofessional. Any scripting errors are a result of brain damage inflicted by the movie. Mixing up South/Central American countries is probably evidence of racism. My thanks to Altries for the wonderful edit on the first 90 minutes (that nearly drove him mad) - link to his stuff is in the description.

@donovankean

2 ай бұрын

Genuinely laughed when I read this pinned comment. Can't wait for the video!

@deans_halfbakedproductions

2 ай бұрын

You had me at brain damage🤷

@MrTobi013

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like you went the way of the Drinker on this one mate.😂

@rogerborg

2 ай бұрын

Eh, Mexilombia and Perulivia are basically the same place.

@matthewcollins4773

2 ай бұрын

One day we may forgive you these errors. But until then, you must live in exile on the moon of Periquot.

Dakota speaks like she is heavily medicated which, all things considered, may not have been an unwise strategy.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 ай бұрын

She does what a lot of Americans think is dead pan but it’s not really dead pan.

@Vancouverpillmuncher666

2 ай бұрын

Benzos

@mrbojangles8133

2 ай бұрын

Dakota knows it's bad but has to promote it and this inner conflict is causing her brain to short circuit, which was an amusing film by the way

@ChrisMorganComedy

2 ай бұрын

That's her version of a sexy voice... She didn't do a good job

@Laneous14

2 ай бұрын

She is the ultimate example of 'vocal fry, I'm just, like too cool for all this, okay?'

Do I know this dude? .. No Did I see this movie? ... No Did I watch this entire video .... Yes

@Trollificusv2

2 ай бұрын

My perverted sentiments, exactly. It seems kind of twisted to comsoom Hollywood product that way*, but also hilarious,. *- The same way I've enjoyed generating a 250-to-3 ratio of "time spent watching TLJ" to "time spent watching people ripping TL:J"

“Isn’t something out of context going to be out of context?” My god! She’s a philosopher.

@darthgamer9861

2 ай бұрын

this is just “ah, this floor is made of floor!”

@markiangooley

2 ай бұрын

A is A. Not-A is not A. Deep philosophical principles.

@TheRealKingS197

Ай бұрын

But if it's out of context then how would you know the context that it was out if so the out of context will now be in context..get it?got it?good..🤔🤣

@GG57

Ай бұрын

I read these comments out of context. Therefore, they're out of context. Therefore, they don't make ANY sense.

It's pretty cliche, but the movie should have been about her having visions she was going to get paralyzed, trying to do whatever she can to avoid that future, then at the end realize the way she gets paralyzed is protecting the girls and choosing to allow it to happen to save them. Would have made the end where she knows what's going to happen with Peter's family and doesn't do anything to stop it better, because she would know how important it is for those events to happen.

@ShinStriderHiryu

2 ай бұрын

this, this is so much better, maybe the movie would not have the '' morbius girl '' title

@ROA1988

2 ай бұрын

Great idea

@theprowler18

Күн бұрын

It's a working cliche for a reason. A hero's journey is still the most reliable way to define a character arc and make audiences care for the protagonist.

I don’t get the scorn for this movie. I found it very moving when Madam Web stood up and, with great conviction, shouted “THE SEA IS ALWAYS RIGHT!”

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 ай бұрын

It was a very powerful moment, that’s for sure. And when she sacrifices herself so the Indian tribe can live, that’s also great.

@WoofgangPrime

2 ай бұрын

@@TheLittlePlatoon I was so proud of Dakota Johnson to be the first female action star as well as the first female superhero. It made me cry...on the inside.

@user-ly1rc4qu4d

2 ай бұрын

my favorite time was when she said "it's madam webbing time"

@FrstSpctr88

2 ай бұрын

It's webbing time!

@robertpaul50n

2 ай бұрын

I liked when Evil said, "that spider is perfect" and Madam Webb's mom said "it will be... when a woman gets bit by it"

"In fact, I think you'll see it twice." Lady, that's 3 more times than I even planned on seeing it.

@StridersBored

2 ай бұрын

Lmao. I can’t help but imagine the -1st time watching the movie was actively avoiding any acknowledgement of it to the point it ceased to exist

@ajh22895

2 ай бұрын

I have seen it twice, so far. It's a funny movie.

@macethorns1168

2 ай бұрын

3 times 0 is 0?

@Joshua_Griffin

2 ай бұрын

0.6 recurring times

@dbf1dware

2 ай бұрын

OK, clearly unpopular take here, but I find Dakota extremely hot. I especially like her voice and her expressions as she speaks. That "I think you'll see it twice" part, go ahead and flame me, but I find that extremely sexy.

26:50 Brandon Sanderson has a series of books called the Mistborn Series in which certain characters can use a type of magic to actually see several seconds into the future but it’s in very limited supply. When two characters with the ability fight, it somewhat cancels out, the effect being that both can see what the other is about to do, they therefore change what they are going to do, which changes what the other character will do and so on until there’s just a big cloud of possible futures. If one character exhausts their “supply” of this ability before the other, the other will likely, easily, win the fight. It makes for great tension during fights between high powered characters. Highly recommended reading for those into fantasy.

@Sarcastic_Sophist

2 ай бұрын

Love Sanderson's work. Just backed the words of radiance leather bounds.

@Seetiyan

2 ай бұрын

I've read most of that series. Good stuff.

@sirpig7141

2 ай бұрын

Sanderson’s Mistborn works was also the first thing to come to mind when that was brought up for me as well! It was a really cool interpretation of the mechanic!

@colinbarry9192

2 ай бұрын

Mistborn is excellent

@Maladjester

2 ай бұрын

Great series. What I remember most is the rug pulls. Without spoilers, multiple times we are told no, the world isn't what you think, it's actually THIS and here's why -- and every time, it makes sense, so you think you've got it. Then it turns out there was another rug under that one.

"My mom was in the Amazon, researching spiders....then I took an arrow to the knee."

@daveyjones7391

2 ай бұрын

“Never should have come here…”

@Vaguer_Weevil

Ай бұрын

"Hey I know you"

@2TONESKY

Ай бұрын

No lolly gagging 😂

@daveyjones7391

Ай бұрын

😂

@murdermatics

Ай бұрын

Can't wait to count out your coin!

As an American, Platoons comments about my country’s fat fuckness problem had me rolling And rolling And rolling And rolling And oh Jesus I can’t stop someone help there’s a wall coming up and I’m going so fa-

@user-zq6sz2cr6g

2 ай бұрын

If only those scriptwriters could write something as funny as this! 😂

@thepickles8833

2 ай бұрын

And like 2003... keep rollin’ rollin’ rollin’....

@Cancoillotteman

2 ай бұрын

@@thepickles8833 can't be RAWhide anymore buddy, it's gotta be vegetarian now !

@posteriorpepperoni

2 ай бұрын

It's okay,the layers of fat will absorb the impact

@ZackRasgriz

2 ай бұрын

They see you rolin' They hatin'

The fact that the bad guy dreams of Sydney Sweeney stepping on him and then throwing him off a building as a "nightmare" is the most jarring thing of the film.

@Off-HandedBarrel

2 ай бұрын

Giggity.

@KaelegoSoul

2 ай бұрын

It should've been me Not him

@chazzitz-wh4ly

2 ай бұрын

She can step on me and throw me off a building any day.

@1800REDGENESIS

2 ай бұрын

Lol ​@@Off-HandedBarrel

@Gyrfalcon312

2 ай бұрын

Step on me, mo-

Fair Use Spiderman Naruto running across the screen is more interesting than the actual clip it is over

Thank for you for using the word “gormless” It’s underrated and deserves more love

@ChrisB-yv1sj

2 ай бұрын

Also: I’m not sure if the Amanda Eller reference was an Easter Egg or a Throwaway but, either way, I guffawed. Literally.

@Colonel_RamRod

Ай бұрын

First heard it from Jeremy Clarkson who I adore ❤ great word

@nananamamana3591

Ай бұрын

Found the Vinny Vinesauce fan

@duffthimblespork8371

4 күн бұрын

I think I speak for everybody when I say the world could use a little more gorm.

I'm annoyed that when I mess up at my job, I get reprimanded, but when these Hollywood writers do the exact same thing, they get multi-million contracts and critical acclaim.

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

So go work as a writer in Hollywood. It can't be that hard.

@APsychicMonkey

2 ай бұрын

Lol these writers are not getting another shot, their careers are over.

@APsychicMonkey

2 ай бұрын

​@@blind2dOh, you ARE one of the writers on this film! Did you use ChatGPT? Or are you just hilariously bad?

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

@@APsychicMonkeyAnd this tragedy amuses you? Where is your compassion?

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

@@APsychicMonkeyTry harder.

I like the part where Ben Parker crashes another letter from the Pepsi sign into the one that's about to crush Ezekiel, then tells Madame Webb "we'll win by saving what we love, not fighting what we hate" while Ezekiel kills the girls in the background

@Laneous14

2 ай бұрын

You joke, but that would have made the movie even better.

@bbriggs7409

2 ай бұрын

Last Jedi'd all over its face

@chazzitz-wh4ly

2 ай бұрын

Wait! She has a woman’s most powerful weapon: avoiding responsibility. She can just rewind time and redo it.

@Vicus_of_Utrecht

2 ай бұрын

​@@chazzitz-wh4lyIsn't that black men?

@commietearsdrinker

2 ай бұрын

@@Vicus_of_Utrecht Fathers, to be more specific.

1:12:15 [don't say Spiderman don't say Spiderman don't say Spiderman] "Ceiling guy" [brilliant writing I am quivering in fear]

The idea of two people who can see the future fighting would actually be very interesting, an entire “fight scene” could be them just staring at eachother while in their heads both are simultaneously having Sherlock Holmes style inner monologues trying to find a scenario at the same time to beat the other while physically maybe slightly shifting in an attempt to fake the other out

@daveyjones7391

2 ай бұрын

I actually really liked the Holmes-Moriarty scene you’re referring to. Also, if you want an awesome version of the concept you’re describing, check out Hero with Jet Li (at least I’m pretty sure that’s the movie it was in).

@snakeguy8646

2 ай бұрын

@@daveyjones7391 One of my favorite scenes ever lol, and thank you for the recommendation I’ll add it to my list

When Sydney Sweeney said people didn't see her in Madame Web, it had a double meaning.

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

Yep. "No puppies were seen in the making of this movie!" 😭🤣

@moresnacksplease526

2 ай бұрын

Double for sure. Maybe even triple.

@manoz6194

2 ай бұрын

@moresnacksplease526 I mean that hardly anyone saw the movie AND they completely dressed her down so she wasn't very visible in the movie anyway. I wasn't referring to her boobs but you can add that in I guess :D

@MrYuck-ec5do

2 ай бұрын

She's got a nice set of.. talents.

@deathmagneto-soy

2 ай бұрын

Who is Sydney Sweeney?

Dakota Johnson is very clearly pissed about the end result of this film and clearly lost all enthusiasm for it

@Wohlfe

2 ай бұрын

She walks in to these contractually obligated press tours like a death row inmate walks up to the electric chair.

@txcforever

2 ай бұрын

She got a proposal for a movie made by inexperienced directors and writers that their only other work was horrible, by a company known for treating their non-Spiderman movies as cheap product placements for keeping the license away from Marvel. What did she expect?

@questtaken

2 ай бұрын

She fired her agent after this

@WoofgangPrime

2 ай бұрын

@@questtaken She should have put him on a firing line for this.

@Drigallski

2 ай бұрын

@@questtakenat first i thought this was just sarcasm, but then i looked it up and she actually did

51:00 I worked for the government for 2 years. I had access to children's medical information, particularly MRIs, videos of said kids, and some basic info about their families (names, phone numbers). I needed an ID with an electronic chip, a "passphrase" (mine was >20 characters, changed annually), and a PIN. To access my computer, I needed the ID and the PIN or passphrase. I had to get permission to access certain folders. All of that security was for a low-level employee to access videos and MRIs of children. Obviously a HIPAA violation if they got out, but not a matter of national security. ALSO, I was cautious about telling anyone where exactly I worked, and I rarely took my work computer or ID anywhere besides work and home. This whole premise isn't even a joke--because a joke would be funny.

This is actually one of your best videos my dude. Lots of fantastic humor to help us through this 'film'.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 ай бұрын

Thank you!

I'm peruvian, and let me tell you that, yes, we have people dressed as spiders that chase teenagers because of their visions.

@kazekamiha

2 ай бұрын

How much drugs and/or alcohol is involved in that?

@ianrobson9601

2 ай бұрын

I love your country and hope to visit one day.

@OsellaSquadraCorse

2 ай бұрын

Have they replaced the world-destroying pan-flute bands, or do you now have TWO terrifying roving groups of Peruvians?

@benjaminaleman4003

2 ай бұрын

@@kazekamiha I dont know man 🤣

@benjaminaleman4003

2 ай бұрын

@@ianrobson9601 I hope you do pal💪

I'm going to be honest; this movie is atrocious in almost every single front. But I find it hilariously bad. I was alone in the theater and I was howling with laughter. I swear this film is so incompetent it is amazing just to watch. Everything from the cinematography, editing, and writing are just terrible. The power of product placement is what kills Evil, I mean Ezekiel. It's hysterical. The attendant when I was finished asked cheekily how I liked it and I told her "it was awful but so entertaining.". This movie is NOT worth checking out in theaters. Wait for streaming, get a few friends and some drinks and have a laugh. The Marvels was terrible on multiple levels for how incompetent it is but Madame Web is just funny bad in how not to make a movie.

@reservoirdude92

2 ай бұрын

Even though these studios don't deserve the box office, I will say that I'm glad the people who watch this trash ironically have a good time 😂

@OG-ProfessorPongo

2 ай бұрын

Similar here I wanted to see how bad it was going to be 😂

@aoifeandginny5569

2 ай бұрын

OMG I'm going to watch it now. Also watch The Regime with Kate Winslet, it's really good so far.

@MarvinPowell1

2 ай бұрын

@Avarn388 Madame Web is Gen Z's version of The Room. Not as quotable or memorable, but a perfect -10 out of 10 movie, in its own right. Or maybe a -9, since at least they do a passable job with the cinematography and stunts, so not quite prefect yet.

@ThreadBareHope1234

2 ай бұрын

I need the opinion of my fellow future authors: If I frame characters giving exposition dumps as an argument, could I get away with it? From my experience, people will repeat a lot of information to convince each other of the opposite opinion.

1:01:24 The tragic bit is where she slowed the man down for 5 seconds trying to prevent the crash. If he just got in the ambulance, he would have cleared the intersection.

@ShinStriderHiryu

2 ай бұрын

lol you are right, shes the one whos responsable for his death, she just predicted him would die, but now ho

In The Fifth Element, the protagonist and the villain never interact with each other the whole movie. Somehow, that's better than them only interacting in the finale (and maybe during an LSD trip a few minutes earlier).

"Drakula don't you wish it was untold" cracked me up.

@woodwyrm

2 ай бұрын

lel

@underthepale

2 ай бұрын

I always called it "Dracula: Unwatched." (Funny thing, that movie did fairly well at the box office but it got shellacked by the critics and so, Universal panicked. Which is how we got The Mummy. The uh, Tom Cruise one. Not the good one from the late 90s.)

@jackmesrel4933

2 ай бұрын

​@underthepale I may be one of the few people who has watched it on cinema, but I remember it being fine enough. Maybe the standards were higher at the time?

@JoakimOtamaa

Ай бұрын

I like Dracula: Untold. Luke Evans was pretty food as Drac and reminded me a bit of Castlevania which ia nice. Especially now when Netflix ruined the sequel series with woke shite. "Oh the og main woman was a white damsel in distress? Let's make her a complete asshole girl boss and also black so we get that ESG! And fuck the rich lore the games have had since 1986!"

Dakota Johnson is the back-alley bootleg version of Anne Hathaway. I know what i said

@weswolever7477

2 ай бұрын

And I heard you loud and clear

@johns.1854

2 ай бұрын

Heroin addicted anorexic Anne Hathaway?

@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access

2 ай бұрын

Anne Hathaway off Temu

@dorn0531

2 ай бұрын

We have Anne Hathaway at home

@incomingincoming1133

2 ай бұрын

This is the last generation of human actors. Be kind.

50:43 I also loved having those 26" full HD LED monitors back in 2003

"But isn't any sentence out of context, out of context"? She has a point, there, though I'm not sure she's pointing it in the right direction.

As a woman with a similarly large bust to Sydney Sweeney I do feel the need to say that the universe frequently hides such assets behind a kind of frumpy nerd, lol

@newtpondskipper

2 ай бұрын

A former GF of mine was that way. She was self conscious of it and almost always dressed to hide it. We went to a beach and some of the girls who had always assumed she wasn't well endowed saw her.. it was gratifying to see such naked envy on their faces. Yes I'm a petty man but she put up with a lot of crap that was "just joking" comments.

@scrittle

2 ай бұрын

This could all have been a writer kink for all we know, they write superheroes and don't go outside, so getting off nerd girls and making them hotter makes sense.

@OG-ColorfulAbyss.

4 күн бұрын

Hers are most likely fake, and she doesn't even seem like a real person at all. Never heard of her once until this trash. Almost like she didn't even exist before this trash or that all of her prior works were SSSSOOOOOO trash that it wasn't even necessary for anyone to point it out.

“There was some guys trying to subtly dump their girlfriends by subjecting them to Madame Web and vice versa.” I had to dump Madame Web by subjecting her to my girlfriend.

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 ай бұрын

🤣

@Matthew10950

2 ай бұрын

... Did it work? Asking for a friend.

I think Dakota Johnson realised part way through production that she had made a mistake by agreeing to do this movie, so she phoned it in, took the money, fired her agent and moved on 😂😂😂

@JeremySayers38

6 сағат бұрын

Can Dakota Johnson not read or ask her Mum and Dad if the script is any good? Cause they are both rich actors but NO it is the agent's fault.

He's depressing the spoon on the grenade. He has as much time as he wants. It's the spoon that triggers the fuse on the grenade, the pin just releases the spoon. That said, there's no reason he SHOULD be holding it as long as he does.

@newtpondskipper

2 ай бұрын

This is movie mechanics. Pull that pin it's going to exploded in 5 seconds or minutes depending how how humorous or exciting it would be.

@darthgamer9861

2 ай бұрын

@@newtpondskipperI’d like a channel with the gimmick “if the grenades timers were realistic”

This had the best acting, direction and costume department I've ever seen... on the red carpet

2 ай бұрын

"They know what is what / They just strut" - Fatboy Slim 😙

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

Wtf?

It's Madamin' time.

@unicornhunter9916

2 ай бұрын

HE USED YOUR JOKE

@richardharrison4762

2 ай бұрын

My favourite part was when Madam Web said ‘it’s webbing time!’ And webbed all over the place!

@0blivionvoid139

2 ай бұрын

Excuse me it is MA'AM WEB!

@Tusitala1967

2 ай бұрын

@@richardharrison4762 You can look at her and tell she'd be a webber in bed.

@woodwyrm

2 ай бұрын

And everyone laughed. and clapped.

Wheelchair = 'paralysis chariot'... absolutely scrumptious, darling.

Me and my friends couldn't remember the bad guy's name. So we just called him Ceiling Guy. We head-canoned that he was at his most powerful indoors and on ceilings. The joke got funnier each time he walked or crawled on ceilings. The fact that he dies outside on the ground was the straw that broke the funny camel's back and we were actually wheezing about it in the parking lot.

"Checkov's Fireworks Factory" is one of the greatest lines I've ever heard. 😂

@rokkraljkolesa9317

2 ай бұрын

Chekhov's

I know this is an old joke, but imagine if the Amazon spider venom was actually a powerful hallucinogen, and this whole movie happened inside the mom's head while she was tripping balls in the Amazon.

@kaykutcher2103

2 ай бұрын

Would certainly explain a few things.

@markiangooley

2 ай бұрын

An Occurence At Spider Clan Pool, sort of

You are the only creator that manages, without fail, to get me belly laughing at your pained, acerbic incredulity with whatever tripe you're confronted with. Thank you for risking your sanity to transform these execrable films into something genuinely entertaining.

Watching Madam Web in a theater alone for 5 dollars was the best use of my Tuesday. Everything about the film is just slightly off. Its the type of bad movie that doesn't come around often and it was glorious to see

"Madame Web is a film." -- Chris "I'm not gonna trash bad movies but trash them through omission" Stuckmann.

@austin9568AuraMasterDX

2 ай бұрын

"It was so bad i can't even put it into words"

@chazzitz-wh4ly

2 ай бұрын

He’s a coward.

@joseroa5243

2 ай бұрын

"I won't review this movie, is not that is bad it's just that i have no words to explain it without making it look bad" is the most telling thing without saying a word.

@targard.quantumfrack6854

2 ай бұрын

I don't think he is. He didn't want to beat the dead horse IMO. He just explained how shit like that manage to materialise. Of course some of us know but not all of us and I felt he needed to unload it from his chest as a film maker more than a critic. There's nothing to say about this movie apart making fun of it...

@silverscorpio24

2 ай бұрын

​​@@targard.quantumfrack6854 His whole video dunked on the studio for interfering with the director's vision when he didn't even know she was also the executive producer. Studios that could possibly hire him for jobs.

This really is the most blatant version of the Casting Couch clearly playing a role in making a movie happen

@woodwyrm

2 ай бұрын

you killed me sir!

@Madaseter

2 ай бұрын

W take

@Ellebeeby

2 ай бұрын

But how could anyone who saw 50 Shades want to?

@amandahuginkys7878

2 ай бұрын

Then shouldn't have Tits McGee gotten leading pair of actresses?

@sblinder1978

2 ай бұрын

You really think Mike Epps would do that for a movie role?

I could see her being pissed that her mother was gallivanting around the Peruvian forest while 9 months pregnant (which directly led to her dying in childbirth) but apparently that was too long a line to put in the movie.

Every time "Seeing the future" is mentioned I have to think of Team 4-Star's Abridged series. "I can see the futuuuure!"

I just LOVE the logic of "You are the only ones that can prove i did in fact not kidnap you. So i have to kidnap you so you are available to testify i didn't kidnap you!" That just hurts my brain so bad

"I have to return some videotapes" has been replaced by "I have to do some spider research"

But Platoon……….it’s a new take on a superhero story. It’s a female forward cast, so it’s good. All the cast have their natural hair on show, so that’s a thing to advertise. The cast is female, again….and diverse, and it’s great to have women that look like them being portrayed on screen to represent everyone who looks like them on screen….oh and of course, they are strong and brave…….and diverse

The "how are you poisoning me?" was my favorite line in the movie. It's so bad.

Nobody delivers humorous mocking scarifying evisceration quite like Little Platoon

@FrunkAsADuck

2 ай бұрын

The posh-esque tone and voice really sends it into the stratosphere. 😅

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

Mauler does. Mocking evisceration is quintessentially British.

@Paladin1034

2 ай бұрын

EFAP is such a good time

@Princess_Feona

2 ай бұрын

It’s no coincidence that those two are my favorites. Mauler is more Flying Circus, Platoon Fawlty Towers,

Dakota acts and talks like she's been lobotomized. She's so emotionless and takes so long to react and answer, for real it's like they did that icepick lobotomy on her that they used to do back in the day on hysterical women.

@devinschexnayder7440

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, its downright uncanny

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

They need to bring that treatment back. Discarded too soon.

@Matthew10950

2 ай бұрын

I figure she's a t800. She needs a minute to process what she's heard and to figure out how a hoomaan would react and then tries to fake a hoomaan response. The timing ads up

@austin9568AuraMasterDX

2 ай бұрын

Demi Lovato mode

@EventualWarlord

2 ай бұрын

Damn maybe the lobotomists had a point…

You clearly spent more time writing this video's script than the actual writers of the damn movie. Thank you man!

Doesn't like people, yet became a medic: this is exactly how healthcare in Canada works. A surprising number of people get into the healthcare system for ego.

“Food, math and deported parents” hahahah

@DangerZone200

2 ай бұрын

"its not racist if a liberal does it" that should be their new motto 😂

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

How would you feel if it was your parents?

@APsychicMonkey

2 ай бұрын

​@@blind2dAre you one of the writers from the film?

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

@@APsychicMonkeyNo, I'm unemployed

@NumptyMcGlumpty

2 ай бұрын

​@@blind2d you're not helping your case here, you realise that?

This was a crazy film. It builds up the insanity and ineptness as it goes, culminating in what might be the most atrocious effort-free ending i have ever seen. Its positively orgasmic. The second its over you look at the screen, look at those around you with profound disghust and self loathing.

@devinschexnayder7440

2 ай бұрын

😂

@TheLittlePlatoon

2 ай бұрын

There’s nothing quite like it. It’s a sadistic film that masochists have to love.

In German, there is this colloquial phrase:"In die Bresche springen." The english version is quite the same:"To step into the breach." In modern terms, some Little Platoon will do the unthinkable & save us from certain death. A gentleman & a scholar, indeed.

15:45 Yup, wife didn't notice until the contractions and literally blurted out: "How the f*ck did she get there that pregnant? It hurts the lie down when you're that pregnant..."

Yeah, I viewed Killmonger as a *believable* villian, because vengeful racism is absolutely a thing. But to genuinely find him sympathetic, the viewer would have to on some level agree with vengeful racism. So… I guess that film is useful for flushing out the people to be scared of.

@Mr_Bones.

2 ай бұрын

Those people ironically are very vocal and are black supremacist. They make the KKK look like progressive Buddhist monks.

@christophergillette7167

2 ай бұрын

@@banquetoftheleviathan1404 ⁠Google offered to translate your comment 😂 Tech still has room to grow

@dorn0531

2 ай бұрын

Bingo. I agree completely.

@yeyeande

2 ай бұрын

you can find a character sympathetic without sympathizing with every single aspect of their character. this is pretty obvious if you have any sort of critical thinking skills. not everything is a stark diactomy, even "good" characters can have terrible qualities.

@christophergillette7167

2 ай бұрын

@@yeyeande What you describe is of course possible. There are many well-written villains for whom I can find sympathy. I have cried for certain villains (not in the MCU) when their necessary end came. Even the psycho Thanos, who absolutely needed to be stopped, was genuinely convinced that his insane plan was for the good of all life and believed he would be thanked. However, in the case of this individual, we see someone who, when betrayed by his nation and family, chose to spread suffering to… other nations. Lots of other nations. Along the way, he reveled in his kill count (it’s in the name AND his scars) choked an old woman, and was ready to perpetrate global war crimes. The first time I saw the film i was vaguely moved by how his death was portrayed, but then I reflected on his story. It was *through* critical thinking that I came to despise the character as irredeemable, a hateful multi-racist murderer who in no way deserved the seeming tragic overtones of his final scene. If you genuinely found aspects of this character sympathetic, I accept your claim that you have found reasons that are 0% racist. I am willing to hear your arguments. Sincerely. But I will *also* apply critical thinking to those arguments, so it better be more than: He had an unfair childhood (like billions do) so enslaving/slaughtering billions of strangers felt right to him. Having a *motive* is not enough to be sympathetic. Because every murderer has a motive.

11:23 One day, I just want to write the opposite of this cliche line. “I base my research on myths and legends, not science!”

@mdd4296

2 ай бұрын

"It came to me in a dream"

@Maladjester

2 ай бұрын

Happens a lot in supernatural horror.

@berengustav7714

2 ай бұрын

Myths and legends are really cool,they're useful for understanding how humans make sense of the world.

@sarahb.7175

2 ай бұрын

"If you're waiting for a book to come out, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." --Toni Morrison

@zacharymcmillan2788

2 ай бұрын

"We choose truth over facts!" - Joe Biden - 🤣🤣🤣

22:00 Here's a way more intriguing opening. The villain has the same motivations, but isn't just trash. They retrieve the spider, but the mother is injured. He tries to save her with the serum they synthesized, but she dies in childbirth. He takes the second and only existing dose, saves the child and brings her back to civilization where he becomes rich using the powers the serum gave him to run hit jobs as a mercenary for any government willing to pay, but never revealing that he has those powers. He helps raise from afar as a favorite uncle, providing money etc... for her schooling, but she starts to have dreams of a frightening warrior killing people in horrendous ways. When one of those hits happens closer to her home she responds to the scene which is particularly grizzly, and has a episode where she sees that it is her "uncle" under the mask. She doesn't know if her visions are true or not etc... Could go a million ways from there, but it would be incredibly intriguing.

I put a spider into Pepsi and it didn't make it. It was sad.

I've honestly never heard of Sydney Sweeney before this movie, but I've been having so much fun with Madame Web. It's like, if this could get made, literally anyone can write a movie. Like The Movie Cynic said, this is "god-tier trash." This is the daughter of "The Room." This movie girlbosses "Morbius" in every single way. Morbius is actually competent in most other things besides it's script. I mean, this is the Magnus Opum of horrible big-budget movies. This _literally_ makes Spider-Man Lotus looks good. It's incredible how it even exists.

@jake12466

2 ай бұрын

*its script ("It's" means "it is")

@jake12466

2 ай бұрын

Also, I assume you were kidding, but it's "Magnum Opus," not "Magnus Opum."

@sonofodin1044

2 ай бұрын

Damn now that you mention Spider-Man lotus they might as well be in the same universe I get this weird undeveloped unconnected feel from this movie ever since I watched the trailer actually

@claudeclawsonne4510

2 ай бұрын

@@jake12466 I kinda like Magnus Opum though... or Opium perhaps. Think I'll use it as my next internet name, after I get tired of Tits McGee.

@TheKpa11

2 ай бұрын

Which means everything that comes after will look better by comparison

the graceful majesty of the fair use spooders will never not be funy

I love the thumbnail where you put "clickbait" over those important assets 🤣

I can totally relate to this movie, I took my kids the woods once and fingers crossed they haven't found their way home yet

Fucking love "Fair Use Spiderman"! 🤣🤣🤣

@jake12466

2 ай бұрын

In the comics, SPIDER-MAN gets very mad when you forget the HYPHEN in his name.

@JoakimOtamaa

Ай бұрын

​@@jake12466You gotta read it like Caddicarus in his PS1 Spidey review. "SPIDERMUN"

What you said about the movie using a inversion of Uncle Ben's great power, great responsibility line is absolutely true. So much so, that in the comics they did that, for a villain! In the Spider-Man story arc, The Big time, there's a parallel to what happens to Peter with the character of Phil urich. Phil, a former minor hero, snaps and kills the hobgoblin and replaces him as the kingpins enforcer. Add to the same time, he sells photos of himself as the hobgoblin to his Uncle Ben urich, a reporter at The daily bugle. In his last panel in the story arc, Phil thinks to himself about "how he has so much responsibility now. But with that responsibility, so much power!" It really highlighted the difference between this twisted "might makes right" mentality, versus the "might for right" Uncle Ben was trying to talk about.

@ryonalionthunder

2 ай бұрын

That’s incredible

@markiangooley

2 ай бұрын

@@ryonalionthunderit’s only to be expected, I think… incredible that they used it here as a hero thing when it’s so villainous, yes.

You know you've reached new levels of stupid when the hero's main super power is reckless driving.

The best part of the movie is the part where Dakota Johnson has to promote the film but genuinely hates it and is giving just enough sass to communicate that to the watchers without actually saying anything that could get her in trouble, pretty genius actually, I love her blank smile she has the entire time 😂💀😭😭😭😭

Thank you Platoon for being the only voice I’ve ever heard that accepts Killmonger was bad and stupid.

@petery6432

2 ай бұрын

MauLer and EFAP think the same.

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

Killmonger was a villain, so yeah he was bad, but he did bring up some good points about Western colonialism

@fujifilm5127

2 ай бұрын

​@blind2d I don't really like any racial arguments that can't just have the races swapped and it sounds like something from a nazi. That's really all I could think of during black panther.

@blind2d

2 ай бұрын

@@fujifilm5127I guess that's fair but Killmonger was and remains the villain...

@BlueGamingRage

2 ай бұрын

It's okay because he's black

Velma, Willow, Robyn Hood, Zach Snyder’s Rebel Moon. Jeez what a group to compare this with😂

Well, that's the acting talent you get when you combine Melanie Griffith and Don Jonson.

@blahmcblahface3965

2 ай бұрын

....plank

@NefariousKoel

2 ай бұрын

Never had a big issue with Don, but holy testicle Tuesday's, Batman! Melanie Griffith's "acting", mixed with her monotone ditz-voice, was like nails on chalkboard every time. I suspect her acting wasn't what got her foot in the door.

@ShinStriderHiryu

2 ай бұрын

@@NefariousKoel oh i wonder what she has then....

@zacharymcmillan2788

2 ай бұрын

So THAT'S who she is,no wonder she has an "acting career." 😏

I feel like they missed an opportunity for a pretty good joke in not having the headline of that paper read, "White girl, two others kidnapped"

Your channel is so good I literally have my therapist watching. Thank you Little Platoon

from watching dakotas interviews i get the impression she has NEVER taken a single class in school, never taken a single test, and never "passed" a single grade in her life. daddy prolly told her, "if anyone asks if youve ever been too school, just smile, look pretty, and change the subject." to which she asked "whats a subject?"

@JeremySayers38

2 ай бұрын

When your Dad is Don Johnson, hero of Miami Vice, that can happen and you can be successful no matter how dull as dishwater you look, sound or act like.

@markburns2621

2 ай бұрын

She forgot or also didn't understand the 'pretty' part?

That scene should have ended with "You're a smart man. You could make trillions on pharmaceuticals from the spider venom" "Oh yeah."

I love how you use clips from movies (even outtakes) that match the context or tone that you are trying to convey. Using the Captain America "cause i'm in charge" outtake at 1:21:03 was fucking hilarious.

@vecchiofritz5749

2 ай бұрын

It is nice to see people appreciate these details in the editing, they often make it a much longer job but comments like these make it also woth it !

Because of Madame Web, I now know who Sydney Sweeney is. And that made it all worthwhile.

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

Mate. She's a 6 with big tits. The world is full of them 😂

@chazzitz-wh4ly

2 ай бұрын

I saw her in Euphoria. I saw a lot of her.

@Ellebeeby

2 ай бұрын

Why don’t Eu look Phoria job, lmao gottem etc.

@deandrenicholas2545

2 ай бұрын

Wish I could say the same... There are plenty of pretty non famous women that are more attractive. And they are probably better actresses too.

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

That actually made me laugh out loud 😂 ​@@Ellebeeby

the friction line frustrates me more than it should. Its just that it's so unrelated to walking on the ceiling because friction only acts transverse to a plane and you can't use friction to walk on walls because the normal force is too low. It would've been a more effective smart science nerd line if she shouted: "i can't walk ceiling cause gravity go down!"

@Ramsey276one

2 ай бұрын

You just inspired my nerd version of Angrish "Okay, that was short but made sense. The fact it was short means you're about to choose violence. We do it your way." Some extra: Why, does he-- "He": *Krav Maga* "That's a martial art. You want a Sample, go stupid! [The extra squeaks a NO] XD Funny how this crappy products inspire people to do better stuff HUH?

@Sue20022010

2 ай бұрын

That's because gravity, like a stone, looks down

"If I could play as Roy in the Iraq war, we would have won." I laughed so friggin hard at this.

1:07:55 You don't understand! The cops didn't help his family either when they were starving, so they had to die.

The 5th Element. Zorg and Corbin never directly interact or even speak to each other. In fact, it's pretty clear neither Corbin nor Zorg are actually aware of each other.

@jake12466

2 ай бұрын

...Relevance?

@jacquelineking5783

2 ай бұрын

Naming a movie where the villain and hero never interact.

@josephsalmonte4995

2 ай бұрын

That's a great example mate. Antagonist and protagonist never even coming close to interacting. I never noticed that before.

@n7creed629

2 ай бұрын

5th Element is one of my all time faves. Took me years to realise the above fact and I love it even more now,

@adrianmizen5070

2 ай бұрын

@@jacquelineking5783 also No country for old men

I feel bad for this Dakota lady. She sounds dead inside.

@muznick

2 ай бұрын

Just her brain.

@ShinStriderHiryu

2 ай бұрын

oh dont worry, thats just her acting, you get used to it

@AlphaHotel66

2 ай бұрын

I think she was lied to about the premise. As another commenter pointed out, all this was ever going to be was a slop film designed to protect IPs from Marvel.

Absolutely love the editing in your videos. I say this literally every time but, the use of the South Park clips is always spot on.

When Madame Web said, "Get your hands off Ma-dame spider!" I webbed my pants. It was almost as good as when Ben said, "Take your ass and Park'er right there!" or when Ezikiel said "I'm evil!!"

I can't believe you got through that ending without using that Simpsons clip of Milhouse whining about a fireworks factory.

Its very telling when acctress' try to out naked each other on red carpet.... gotta get some good press outta this

@jake12466

2 ай бұрын

"Actresses," not " acctress' "

@Saeronor

2 ай бұрын

@@jake12466 Tbh, "asstress" seems more fitting.

@scrittle

2 ай бұрын

"We are inclusive and diverse, ok here are some tiddies"

The directors who made movies like these are the kids who made up stupid rules in games and got mad when you didn't want to play with them any more. They are still mentally that same age.

I still remember the lyrics to the Chekov's Fireworks Factory jingle: "It's a death trap, a suicide rap, we gotta get out while we're young..."

Dakota is pissed off and hilarious in the interviews she got ripped off and knows it.

@ShinStriderHiryu

2 ай бұрын

'' why did it go viral '' well looks like she never seen the morbius fiasco then

How is nerdy but actually hot not just as much of a stereotype as the others?

@Ramsey276one

2 ай бұрын

It is They just won't admit it...

@gabbycotto4024

2 ай бұрын

1. They never make a plot point out of her realizing she’s hot. 2. She had more going one than the nerd getup, what with the stepfamily that ostracized her out to a ridiculous degree, and the implicit bond with Madame Web over their abandonment issues.

My favourite part was when this was supposed to empower women.

25:39 Queens of the Stone Age . . . That's a presence I've not felt since . . . . . .

This movies existence brought Sydney Sweeney and her ample charms to my attention and for that i will be forever thankful.

@vespenegas261

Ай бұрын

Amen brother, the universe is unfolding as it should.

Its a hilarious twist that fireworks actually do burn under water. When i was 18 my friend and i shot a bunch of mortars into their lake and it was literally the same as being in the sky, just smaller, less persistent and underwater. It was actually quite awesome looking, lit up the entire lake. The fish must've lost their minds though.

@daveyjones7391

2 ай бұрын

“Charlie’s overhead!” Some lake trout somewhere now has ‘Nam-like PTSD thanks to you 😂🤣

"I'm kinda more interested in why he's trying to kill us" is possibly the best line in the film (according to your review cuz I'm not paying for this sludge) and it's a shame the girl who delivered it isn't really a character because it just makes me think of how much better it could have been if she HAD been established as the snarky character who uses sarcasm to cope.

Pharmacologist here. You're wrong about the poison/medicine thing. There's absolutely nothing that differentiates a poison and a medicine but dose. Look it up, there are a lot of medicines developed from snake venom, for example.

@ShinStriderHiryu

2 ай бұрын

yeah but how the generic evil villain knows exactly the dose to inject himself and take '' superpowers '', god, the girl even says its a myth, the guy dont even hesitate to take the venom, what would happen if its not the right spider, lol, that movie

@zacharymcmillan2788

2 ай бұрын

True;some extracts from known poisonous plants are used medically in small dosages,including many from the nightshade family. 👍

@Sue20022010

2 ай бұрын

Digitalis. No, stop smirking. I know what it sounds like

Not joking, below this video KZread is suggesting I rent Morbius. The algorithm works folks.

i cannot believe this movie made a webillion dollars

One easily underestimates the dangers of Pepsi.