I use to work in a grocery store for 6 years and it made me lose my faith in the human race. Preach it Florentine!!!!

@theexplorerc

9 жыл бұрын

same here worked at Korger in high school I got sick of it after 2 1/2 then other Retail lol

@patrickseguin9314

9 жыл бұрын

I also worked at a supermarket for years as a teenager. The amount of stupidity I encountered was staggering. Probably the most annoying thing was when I started bagging the order in plastic bags, the moron would say "no, no, I want a bag!". I'd say "what do you mean? this is a bag...". "no, no I want paper". Give me a frigging break. And people that pay by check should not even be allowed in a regular check out lines.

@TheNaturalPatHarris

9 жыл бұрын

Customers at WholeFoods are the worst.

@shawnshoptaugh4907

8 жыл бұрын

I can relate. Working at an auto parts store is pretty bad with people like this.

@Purplemetall007

7 жыл бұрын

Why are they the worst? Are they stuck up, rich ass-wipes or they are just really stupid?

I work as a cashier and he hit the nail on the head with this rant, especially the "it must be free" joke. Some guy pulled that on me today and I just said in a very dry, condescending tone "Dude, you're hilarious". He just went "oh come on", like I was the asshole. Fuck these people.

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

Spot on! LOL! One of my late uncles used to say a certain phrase with alarming regularity. He'd say, "Fuck 'em and feed 'em fish heads." I never knew just what in the hell it meant. But I just love the way that it rolls off of the tongue.

@tobymcgroby8967

Жыл бұрын

Grossly overused: -"Workin hard or hardly workin" -"At the end of the day" -Starting every sentence with "I mean" -"Mutually exclusive"

@LivingBGLegend

9 ай бұрын

The 'hole' says, "oh come onnn'

@Anouyz

11 күн бұрын

You are all insane, nice job missing the joke of using the obvious joke so hard you infuriated yourself

I'm guilty of the, "it must be free" line,What A piece of shit I am . Never again .

JF has the same pet peeves as I do. Back in the 80s I used to hate people paying by credit card as well. Back then, cards weren't being scanned, cashier had to check the credit card against a book that had a list of bad credit card numbers and it took a while.

2021, this still holds up !

Love the silences filled with seething rage

He sounds exactly like me when I'm ranting about stuff as I'm leaving the store or after I get home and I'm still pissed off about it 🤣

I was in a store at the checkout, and the woman in front of me had £72.00 worth of stuff, when she went to pay she handed over £30.00 of coupons/voucher, The girl on the till looked at them and said these are Tesco store vouchers.... This is a Waitrose Store. You can't use these here! That'll be £72.00 then

Reasons why I go to stores at night before closing. Soooo much more quiet and pleasant.

Haha Florentine is the king of rants

People move erratically in grocery stores. They'll block part of the aisle with the cart, look in another direction, then suddenly walk in a third direction

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

Those people you describe are mentally defective and should all be thrown none too gently over the barbed wire fence of the closest FEMA Camp so they can spend the rest of their days together with the other mental defectives.

@Ilovecheaptrick

3 ай бұрын

During Covid a lot of people would just "camp out" in an aisle and never move.

OMG! That reminds me of my dad seeing idiots at Wal-Mart. His reaction is exactly like Jim Florentine's.

I can so relate to Jim .I'm just like him when I'm at the store.

Don't think I've ever laughed this hard in my life!

@RobertHurleyJr

7 жыл бұрын

hhaha i liked the cheap fuck line for the couponers

His Sarcasm Makes It 100x Funnier 😂😂😂😂💯

I'm loving the chip florentine voice haha

"you just stare at them like you want to stab them" hahaha I have done that tons of times.

I’m considering playing this out loud if the line gets to big at the store. As public service announcement and to see who’s funny!

This guy cracks me up . I completely relate to his perspective ..

@a.k.4o

5 жыл бұрын

Me you,and mr. Burr

I've listened to a lot of O&a and other pods and shows. I'm excited that there is a library of Florentine for me to enjoy!

I'm guilty of the "it's not scanning so it's free right?" One...😑

People that look at their receipts at the register are the worst

And one thing we used to do in the younger days (when we could run fast) find an unattended cart in the middle of the aisle, where the shopper is browsing twenty feet away, walk up to the cart, run away with it 10 aisles away and park it (or somewhere, like behind the bread display in the bakery) and run out the store. Damn those days were fun; wish we could have Tik-Toked that but it was the 90s.

JUst last week I saw a broad write out a check for $2.06. and she stumbled coming up with her own real address. I laffed out loud when the clerk would not let her write it for 20 over. Made it so worth the 7 minutes of hassle.

the diet lecture was inspiring lol

My biggest pet peeve is the one Jim mentioned where they don't bother putting a 6 pack of soda, water container, laundry detergent bottle etc. in a bag just because they're bulk items with their own handles. When I ask them to, they look at me inquisitively with that weird face of "but it has it's own handle". I then have to politely explain to them that by putting it in a bag, it makes it easier to carry with all the other bags looped around the same hand together. I have to then stifle a laugh when the cashier get's that astonished look of amazement of "DUH!! YOU'RE RIGHT! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!" LOL

@casualobserver2380

4 жыл бұрын

Or maybe it has to do with using less plastic bags

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

@@casualobserver2380 or it has to do with the cashiers and/or baggers having the brainwave activity of a god damned soap dish.

This was hilarious. This guy is funny.

When I worked at wal-mart I would find bags of fried chicken bones around my department sometimes..

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

I'm baffled that nobody watching the security cameras didn't see the moon crickets eating fried chicken in the store after picking it up in the deli.

@TheDrunkenCelt

Жыл бұрын

@@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat You're not even wrong about your ethnic assumption. Our store was the "lower class" one of the two in town.

Everything said here is everything I thought about I wanted to say when I worked retail.

His voice makes the rants tbh... LMAO

Thank you Mr. Florentine. I was starting to think I was the only one getting fucking annoyed by all this shit

Around 18:00 in -- surprising health insight from the Comedy Metal Midgets Podcast! He's absolutely right, aspartame is apparently pretty awful for you with regular consumption.

Emperor Florentine. He's got the voice of a Sith too.

No recent comments... Wegmans, Horizon.... Still so current in NJ.

I'm sure Florentine knows this by now, but the idea that you can shield kids from wanting junk food is a bit naive. My boss raised her kids on fruit and vegetables but whenever they would go to their friends houses they would have junk food. So when they got older and could buy their own food they went fucking nuts like drug addicts. Teaching kids about moderation and self-control is a more powerful lesson than keeping them quiet in a grocery store.

I feel the same way about laundry mats ppl love to spend their whole day in that crap hole they come in with 50 bags and take up all the space ppl suck I do my clothes dry em throw em in a bag and go home to fold em. I burn rubber on my shoes trying to get outta there. Grocery stores and laundry mats are dreadful to go to. I always hate it.

You can always tell a person is old when they say "on line" instead of "in line". And you can tell a person is young if they try to tell you that "agreeance" isn't a word.

I never make a list lol that's why I always forget something

Freaking hysterical!

8:33 I was literally thinking “cheap fuck line”😂

I used to give people shit for free if it didn't scan, just to save time. But if they made that tired old excuse for a joke, I'd do whatever it took to find out the price.

When there's a sign that says for instance a $1.99, and someone asks me "This is a $1.99?" Or when I have to give away free cookies when they're sitting there, and the parent says to the child "What do ya say? What do you say?" and I have to stand there and wait, I don't have time for this shit. The people that give me shit because there aren't samples out, you're in a fucken, buy something, that's why we're even here in the first place.

-People who block an isle with their shopping cart while being on the phone 1AU away from their shopping cart. -People who think it's awesome to have a group chat right in a bend or a narrow section with their shopping carts parked all over the place. -Cleuless couples doing the groceries. -People who put their groceries in their bag after they payed for them, leaving no space for the groceries of the next customer. The cassier scanned your items? Put them into the bag or shopping cart right away! -Walking into an acquaintance. -People who take their wallet out, seemingly surprised, after everything's scanned. -Kids poking meat, cheese, vegetables, fruit,... -People standing in front of the chilled section, you know, the ones with the glass doors, deciding on the spot wether they want cucumber salad or pineapple salad, completely clueless of the customers behind him/her who are waiting for him/her to make his/her life changing decision. -People standing/chatting in the sensor zone of the doors, especially nice during the winter.

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

We need to put these kinds of people in FEMA Camps and remove them from society forever.

God Bless Florentine.

the store i worked at actually had a policy that if something didnt scan it actually WAS free. and the employees didnt get any sort of benefits whatsoever unless you were in the meat cutters union

Wow, never thought of that.

Florentine is my spirit animal.

This shit has me in tears.

THANK YOU!

His rants are great i really liked his last one as well on women.

I always say I guess the item is free when it doesn’t scan. I know it pisses people off and sucks as a joke and that’s why I gotta do it.

I worked at grocery stores for 15 years and all of this is true. I don’t know why I worked there as long as I did I hated it there.

They tell us to make small talk. Annoys the fuck outta me. I worked every day for a week straight, I don't have time to do shit in my life. What the fuck am I gonna talk about.

I've always hated when there was hardly anybody in a store especially a big one like Home Depot with a lot of aisles and I'm only there to buy one thing and one thing only and there's someone lounging directly in front of the only thing in the entire store that I want. And they're not taking anything they're just standing there like a statue blankly staring at the shelf. MOVE!!!!

the florentine is a smart man

But I only have a couple things. Can I get in front of you? NO! 😆

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

I'll usually offer if I have a cart full of stuff. But if someone asks me, I'll tell them to go to the self-scan line.

You're not getting any Cheetos 🤣

I could reach for salad for you I will put 2 on your cart Hahahahahahaha

I'm going to download this, hang on I've got a coupon--where is it?? Oh my other bag, just a sec...

31:29 looool

Yea but we really do need the rain just like wind

There is a reason why they put milk in a bag and not water, it's because the milk is cold and moisture condensates on the outside of the jug and so therefore if you put it in your car it collects dust and lint, but the jugs of water don't. But beyond that because of the cost of bags supermarkets are trying to save wherever they can on the bags so that they don't have to start charging you for the bags like they do in California. So they try to save wherever they can. so I agree with everything you said except for the part about milk jugs and water jugs, they're not the same thing

@junkyardwizard9092

3 жыл бұрын

Nick Wilkie, I think you used that line a few times already in the comments here my man, we get it. You should work on some new material. Maybe you could take some of them extra plastic bags you get, and put them over your head???

@brandon18054

Жыл бұрын

It’s a wonder how you made it any farther in life than a grocery bagger.

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

@@junkyardwizard9092 FEMA CAMP!

Make it out to Walmart,cracks me the fuck up! Old used tampon,

Totally agree with him 🤣🤣😆🤣

21:10

Can anyone find the story Florentine told about putting photos of his shit on the cork board for missing persons at wal mart?

C'mon Jim, what Italian says "Prevalone"?

3:11 pay with a check? for groceries? Lol

@Ilovecheaptrick

8 жыл бұрын

+BikeLifeEze A lot of people did back in the 70s/80s. Life before debit cards.

@josephkreifelsii6596

7 жыл бұрын

They still do

17:50

Ba doo doo doo UH YAY!

Blue Tooths are douchy as fuck

Damn we average

better when he does telemarketing

Where is the prank call?

a1.

This would require a functioning brain. General public doesn't have that

chicken breast and fresh fruit rofl, what a nancy boy tulip pants.

Aside old people about to die, who the fuck is STILL writing checks at the supermarket?

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

Learn some manners little fella

I know he's talking about black people asking to calculate where they're at lol

@benjaminr8229

6 жыл бұрын

Van Diggity how do the you know that? Can you read minds? Moron.

@HoneysuckleRoseSmelledGreat

Жыл бұрын

You have to admit that the moon crickets who flunked out of Ebonics 101 are always comedy gold out in public.

He sounds like he's reading a speech or something in these podcasts. He doesn't sound like he's speaking naturally off the cuff.

WOW this dude was or is Robin Quiver's boyfriend from Howard Stern show?

@a.k.4o

5 жыл бұрын

No fucking way

Florentine is one of those comics I want to like but isn't really funny. His old prank calls were golden but everything else from his is mediocre at best.

@brandonb3174

Жыл бұрын

That me with Breuer, his stories on the radio were captivating but his stand up isn’t funny to me.

Who cares if you're picking on fat people

he's too angry

@a.k.4o

5 жыл бұрын

Fans love his rants. He is not angry just really fucking annoyed and frustrated

@kevinmcrae3354

4 жыл бұрын

Not angry enough

Weak rant

I understand getting annoyed by people taking to much time with stupid paying options. But what do you care if I drink or eat something in the store. Hate to break it to jerkoff but real people dont go from house to the car to the supermarket. That's your gay look at me iam an entertainer lifestyle

@hmpz36911

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah, thought that was stupid. Does he know how many miserable husbands are there with their cunt wives for 2 fuckin hours, straight after work? Also didn't get the divider bar thing. If you don't use em, the cashier asks you whose stuff is whose, or you risk accidentally buying something that belongs to someone else. And it's not an inconvenience to use the thing.

"$1,500 Rolex"? where is he finding Rolex's that cheap? I get that he is just trying to be funny but most wealthy people I know are actually pretty frugal. Most big spenders I know are not really wealthy, they are just in debt.

@lil_fupa

3 жыл бұрын

Shut the fuck up

@jaquayviontraviousjackson-4333

3 жыл бұрын

@@lil_fupa 😭

don't like his lisp voice

@Arientis

4 жыл бұрын

Google User fuck off asshole