I remember when I got lost at the beach and a cop was helping me find my parents. I asked him, "Do you think we'll find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide." - Rodney Dangerfield.

"I'm getting old. My doctor asked me for a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."--Rodney Dangerfield.

Dr Boombatz was a good doctor. Kept Rodney alive until 82 considering his lifestyle.

Lucky enough to have seen RODNEY in the 80's; a true highlight !

Wow 19 years since we lost Rodney This was when the lateshow was worth watching

Years ago my wife and I saw Rodney at the MGM Grand in Vegas . It was no stop laughter. He was by far the funniest comedian I’ve ever seen.

He was sooo respected as a man. Always clean and never a unkind word ever came out of his mouth. R.I.P Rodney your well missed.

"I know I'm ugly. When my dog humps my leg it closes its eyes."--Rodney Dangerfield.

@mr.smithgnrsmith7808

Жыл бұрын

An all timer

@gmill7414

Жыл бұрын

"At Christmas, we were so poor, we couldn't even afford tinsel. We just waited for Grandpa to sneeze."

@lawrenceallen8096

Жыл бұрын

@@gmill7414 "Traffic is so bad. Why the other day this woman cut me off, so I gave her the finger. At the light she rolled down her window and said: "You can take that finger and shove it where the sun don't shine." So I said "OK, pull over!"

@lawrenceallen8096

Жыл бұрын

@@gmill7414 "The doctor told me to go home and baby myself. So I breast fed my wife, took a leak in my pants and cried for 2 hours."

@lawrenceallen8096

Жыл бұрын

@@gmill7414 "The other day at my doctor's office he told me he wanted a urine specimen, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."

"It's lonely at the top! Especially when there's nobody on the bottom."--Rodney Dangerfield.

"I'm getting old. Now I have to sleep with 2 girls at a time. Yeah, so when I fall asleep they have each other to talk to."--Rodney Dangerfield.

@raggededge82

Жыл бұрын

my new dating profile headline

He was one of a kind and helped many young comedians through the years

What a great tribute! David Letterman's show is the only show I watched on TV for years! You know why now! He's an amazing man!

They were wheeling Rodney into the hospital once and a reporter asked: "How long will you be in the hospital Rodney?" Rodney said: "if all goes well, a week to ten days... if not, about an hour and a half."

Rodney Dangerfield was a highly skilled artist in the concise use of English grammar, and he made people laugh. Beautiful human being.

Rodney was one of a kind. He is missed.

Laughter at its best. R.I.P., a true comedian.

People sometimes called Dave an asshole, but he could really be a kind and decent person.

Stealing pens from a bank had me!!!

No one has ever made me me laugh like Rodney. Thank you

Even with the terrible delivery he killed it. What a crowd!

This brought tears to my eyes right after I laughed so hard what a great man and great jokes I miss him so much

Rodney was the funniest comic ever.

Carson loved him. And Rodney had a lot of respect for him. I love watching him on Johnny!!!!!

@alisarvi5223

2 жыл бұрын

Me 2 he had Carson laughing his ass off !

Rodney is like super Dave in the way he walks out, hasn’t even opened his mouth and is just sitting there giving a look and people are laughing. You always hear one or two guys like DYING

Even though he’s not with us he’s still making everyone laugh!

Even as bad as David delivered those jokes, I laughed out loud.

Rodney got no respect - except from everyone else in the same business who did the same thing he did, half as successfully, and half as long.

@lancebusch3146

2 жыл бұрын

O

"With girls I can hold my own. Which is what they usually tell me to do."--Rodney Dangerfield.

"My wife is a terrible cook...How is toast supposed to have bones in it?"-Rodney Dangerfield

@gjm1953

Жыл бұрын

"I don't think meatloaf should glow in the dark. "

@Facetimer864

Жыл бұрын

​@gjm1953 "my wife asked me to take out the garbage," I said You cooked it you take it out!

"I get no respect. I went to a nude beach and they told me to park in the handicap section."--Rodney Dangerfield.

That is one great comedian who I still miss but thankfully we have some videos of him my you Rest in peace Rodney Dangerfield

"Girls think I'm Don Juan, but after one I'm done."--Rodney Dangerfield.

"I get no respect. I found out my inflatable doll is a lesbian."--Rodney Dangerfield.

@kiwijohn01

Жыл бұрын

Haaaaaa

I miss Rodney so much !!!!!

R.I.P THEY don't make them like u no more good job Dave 😄😄😄

"I get no respect. I made a donation at a sperm bank. They had to get the woman drunk to use it."--Rodney Dangerfield.

20 years ago in autumn.

"Thanks for the upload; it was wonderful!"

My wife had a mirror installed on our bedroom ceiling. Yeah, she said she likes to watch herself laugh.

The line are still funny even when not told with his rapid fire style.

When I come home, the parrot says, “Quick, out the window.”

"I went to a bar. The bartender said, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me naked pictures of my wife!"-Rodney Dangerfield

"...when I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

@ES-ge7bb

2 жыл бұрын

I love the ones when he was born …. kzread.info/dash/bejne/hYScuqyRe5WXg7Q.html

"I went to a wedding at a nude beach. It was easy to see who the best man was!" --Rodney ✌️😎

Two legends talking about a third.

OMG 😂🤣 Thanks for posting this!

Thanks for uploading this.

Rodney killed without being there.

@angelthman1659

2 жыл бұрын

@@mervyncodrington3611 Oddly, Rodney only appeared on Letterman once. It was kind of chaotic, not exactly a great set. At that time, Letterman's show was considered very college student in appeal, so maybe Rodney thought it wasn't his crowd. I'm guessing. He lived in NY, where his club was, and only one appearance, while dozens on the Tonight show in LA. Though it could also have been strategic, as he would have wanted to save his material for the higher-rated Tonight Show.

Rest In Peace Rodney ✨😂✨

"My doctor told me to go home and baby myself. So I breast fed my wife, took a leak in my pants and cried for 2 hours."--Rodney Dangerfield.

"I told the bartender, 'Make me a zombie,' he said, 'Too late, God already beat me to it!'" 😁🤭

"when i was born the doctor had to give me a slap...i later found out the nurse got in a few also !" - Rodney Dangerfield...Brilliant comedian

I am big fans of him rip 🙏 🪦 😌 ☹️ 😔 😢 🙏 🪦 😌 ☹️ 😔 😢 🙏 🪦 😌 ☹️ 😔

Fought for the West!

great one liner comedians are rare, Rodney, Mitch Hedberg ... rare

When I was born, the doctor walked into the waiting room. My father asked if it’s a boy or a girl. The doctor said, “Close”.

My feet smelled so bad, my Podiatrist became a proctologist.

This is David Letterman at his funniest.... reading Rodney jokes.

"I once dated a girl and things started to get hot. She told me "I doesn't do this normally." I told her, "Its OK, I'm a little weird myself."--Rodney Dangerfield.

"Even my dog is giving me trouble. I got a female dog you know. I tried to mate her. She wants 50 biscuits."

I have the same Dr

Rodney Was Fannier and Kinder than All you Guys on Talk shows put together, My honest opinion

@bloodgrss

Жыл бұрын

"Fannier"!? Now THAT'S funny...

There's something about Rodney's personality, attitude, delivery, and expressions, that makes his jokes much funnier. 🤷🤔

Late night hosts are not funny, interesting, edgy like they used to be. Dave was great and everyone bashing him these days are sad people with no lives. Was he a saint, hell no, he was real and honest and entertaining.

"When I'm in Vegas I meet the most interesting people. Why just the other day I was in a casino bathroom at the urinal and who comes up next to me? Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, he said: "Whew! I just made it." I said to him: Hey Shaq, can you do me a favor? Make another one just like it for me... only in white."--Rodney Dangerfield

Always loved Rodney, poor show here...ugh

He was great

1981

Dave skipping that one joke is hilarious I’d love to know what that was, probably it was one rodney had said a lot

@michaelmakes1225

Жыл бұрын

"The Bible says,love thy neighbor as thyself..what,I gotta jerk him off too?"

"I'm not a well-built guy. When I went to a nude beach they had me park in handicap parking."--Rodney Dangerfield

My wife can't do nothing right ya know? I mean last week we went to the ballet.... She forgot the sandwiches.

☮️

I was so ugly, when I was born the Doctor smacked me, then the nurses got their shots in, afterwards.

Letterman didn't mention that Jay Leno was at Rodney's bedside when he died.

the onions rings ahahahahahaaa

My neighborhood I grew up in was tough! How tough? At Easter they used to serve Broken Leg of Lamb!

My wife and I like to smoke after sex. I’ve had the same pack since 1974. But my wife, she’s up to 3 packs a day!

Dr Vinny boombatz sounds like a Don Rickles character lol, but I guess it's a rodney quote!

@Aidanhatesyouall

2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha it’s like when frank sinatra, and don rickles we’re on Johnny Carson, and rickles would do his usual “bambino says hello” stuff to frank 😂😂

@waynemarvin5661

2 жыл бұрын

@@Aidanhatesyouall No, it's nothing like that.

David reading the jokes had nothing on Rodney delivering them

@raggededge82

Жыл бұрын

that was the point, he gave them no delivery at all so the audience would laugh at the joke and not an impression

“But I’ll tell you one thing, when my wife does have sex, she screams! Oooo… especially when I walk in on her.”

me and my wife fight about sex and money! SHE CHARGES ME TO MUCH !!!!! SEEN HIM NEW YEARS EVE MIDNIGHT SHOW

Only one joke per paper ?

@fastguned

3 жыл бұрын

Yea that was strange

Comedy is a dead god Thalia 🌷🌑👍 rest in the good news 💐 Okay bye

I was so ugly my proctologist stuck his finger, in my mouth.

Dave's not reading them right

@-Ricky_Spanish-

Жыл бұрын

He's purposely reading them deadpan to show how great Rodney's jokes were. Some people accused Rodney of being a one-line actor with no substance.

@richardguanci9604

Жыл бұрын

@@-Ricky_Spanish- I understand

This is irrelevant but I thought of this Bc of the blind pimple touching joke. Blind people can read faces by touching them right? Even pimple less faces lmao I think they use the features, but it’s so interesting to me because if you’ve been blind from birth and have literally no frame of reference for what humans or anything looks like, it makes me wonder how they picture the faces in their brains Bc they have to, other wise they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between different peoples faces and they can. I wonder if it’s actually close to what humans look like Bc they’re feeling all these features so maybe they do picture a human face, but I also think about if the face they picture is like some weird non human looking think. Like maybe they think every human ever has green skin Bc they don’t know colors, yeah they’ve heard the word “tan skin” or “peach skin” or “brown skin” but how would they know what any of those colors look like? It’s just so mindblowing and hard to wrap my head around what people look like in their heads, or not even just people but practically everything! I think a good comparison is dinosaurs (hear me out) because we do to a degree know what they looked like we know what the bones did at least, we have so much science and technology in that department and they STILL don’t know if they had feathers or not, even if they didn’t it’s more then likely the way we’ve seen dinosaurs portrayed is in accurate, but it’s hard to even imagine them looking another way Bc we’ve grown up seeing them a certain way and picturing them that way in the past. So imagine what it’s like to picture EVERYTHING in a weird way for your entire life, and then your blindness gets cured at age like 60. It would be that weird feeling of “wait dinosaurs had feathers?” But for every single thing maybe there’s a few things you pictured right but probably not Bc you literally didn’t even know what reality looked like, they could’ve been picturing this impossible dream land and have no idea why that isn’t possible

Letterman didn't really like Rodney as Rodney preferred Jay Leno and that ticked Letterman as he knew Rodney was one of Carson's favorites.

Of Lung Cancer..Smoking did that.

Funny guys.

Skipping a joke on Rodney smh

Never heard Rodney do some of those jokes. They were funny. Here are some of my favorites. My wifes is selfish when I make love to her she calls out her own name My doctor told me I had 6 months to live. I asked him could I get a second opinion. He said yea you're ugly too. My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend I told my son about the birds and bees. He told me about his mother and the butcher. I was so poor as a kid my rich aunt died and the will said I owed her $20. When a teen, a girl told me to come over there's nobody home. I went over there was nobody home. Someone stole my wife's car. I asked her what he looked like. She said I did better than that - I got the tag number. Abe Lincoln said all men are created equal. He never went to a nude beach

I Swear I get no Respect. I was so ugly growing up, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

Hypocritical of Letterman, since he never had Rodney on his show.

@brandaoz

Жыл бұрын

Got a point there.

@richguitarmusic6781

3 ай бұрын

@jcallico7731 Not true kzread.info/dash/bejne/fKektZqiZZanZMo.htmlsi=iCXK4bYkg8P9bcty

@richguitarmusic6781

3 ай бұрын

​@@brandaoz Rodney on Letterman kzread.info/dash/bejne/fKektZqiZZanZMo.htmlsi=iCXK4bYkg8P9bcty

@richguitarmusic6781

3 ай бұрын

​@@brandaoz Not true... Rodney on Letterman: kzread.info/dash/bejne/fKektZqiZZanZMo.htmlsi=iCXK4bYkg8P9bcty

"Traffic is terrible. Why just the other day I was cut off by a woman in traffic and I gave her the finger. She told me: "You can shove that finger where the sun don't shine." So I said: "Ok, pull over."'--Rodney Dangerfield

"You meet a lot of sexy girls. I me a real sexy girl, she worked in a hamburger joint. Why, she told me she could make a Big Boy in 2 minutes and a boy big in 1 minute. She was a very sexy girl."--Rodney Dangerfield.

Its kinda like dave hates him

@sclogse1

2 жыл бұрын

No.

@Weave.seen.this.b4

2 жыл бұрын

@@sclogse1 jesus buddy lighten up

@calburge4338

2 жыл бұрын

Rodney , the most respected comedian ever

@robertszekely8686

Жыл бұрын

Don't think so.

Some of those jokes Dave told were not Rodney's, but we're obviously created by Dave's writers.

@strats991

Жыл бұрын

Proof of that? I call BS.

@leslauner5062

Жыл бұрын

Wrong. I heard Rodney tell each and every one of them in his various specials.

In 1980, I lived in Houston with a roommate. He had tickets to go see Rodney with his girlfriend that night. I had been drinking and his girlfriend canceled at the last minute. He ask me if I wanted to go, intoxicated, I said yes. We were about 10 rows back and I was passed out most of the event. I have no idea if he noticed.

"I'm gettin' old. I went to a sperm bank...they thought it was a holdup!"--Rodney Dangerfield.

"Why I know I'm ugly. When my dog humps my leg it has to close its eyes."--Rodney Dangerfield.