Narcissist treat us all to a very valuable education. An expensive one. Learn your lessons, build your boundaries and learn to enjoy your own company. Make friends and get hobbies. Your enough alone, take yourself out on dates, get a pet to love, volunteer somewhere, animal shelter is always needed.

@leslierobertson4734

4 күн бұрын

Love your comment. 61yo here taken on a lifetime narcissistic detour from myself, especially 26-year-ago relationship with man 14 years older than than I, with whom I had a son. Venomous. Letting go, learning about me. Loving my 2 cats. Coming into myself. Learning so much from Richard, my favorite "KZreadr" at this time.

There is no where to go after a Narcissist Abusive relationship except to humility and self reflection. The sadness is overwhelming, the mind is foggy, questions you can't answer, nothing makes sense at all and no one believes your story anyway. Therapy does help tremendously, Journaling helps, admission of loving someone who could not love or cared to learn how. Years lost on someone who would never be what you hoped they could. I forgave myself first and then him and his family who Aldo participated. Moving forward towards who I am and who I want to be. Honesty with myself first. What people think don't matter, I know what I experienced. Being believed is not necessary. My Truth is what counts. Thanks Richard.. GREAT VIDEO!

Yep, that's how you get tricked - at first you try to prove your loyalty and prove that you can be trusted and then slowly turn into a slave . Very easy way to avoid having a relationship with a narcissist - don't date someone out of pity. If you feel like you pity this person , you don't really respect this person, but you believe in your magical ability to turn them into what YOU want them to be - you are fooling yourself. Only date people who's personality you genuinely like. People who you like the way they are

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Just be disagreeable and test their reactions

@analiviaminsk1171

2 ай бұрын

@@mightymouse1005 a small test can´t hurt. I need and I will grab santa´s beard to see if it´s real lol (crazy image lol)

@jasonuren3479

Ай бұрын

If you pity them you don't respect them. Brilliant observation.

@alsacrime4806

13 күн бұрын

Your first sentence signals you are the co-dependent but everything after that shows that you are the narc.

@mrbriankeith111

13 күн бұрын

Yep. If it starts with a sad story that's the first red flag. At least with the covert. If the affection seems disproportionate to the time-line slow it down. If they insist on constant communication and availability...back up. See how they react. If your gut or your body says something is not right. That is the truth.

The venom part is real. At one point I told him “I feel like my mind has been poisoned.”

@robertataylor5794

2 ай бұрын

At the end, I felt like I had been bitten by a very bad spider, literally.

@beyond981

2 күн бұрын

That's what they want, to poison you, not only bring you down but poison you with the very essence of themselves, which is evil cruelty.

Please remember if you were involved with a narc or a sociopath or a psychopath in the first stages of your relationship it’s not your fault you fell for their charm, their lies, their manipulation. You didn’t even know these things were happening. So you learned your lessons, you’ve come to terms with the person you thought you cared for was a fake. So please FORGIVE yourself, and later forgive the narc so you can be free and not concerned with them anymore ❤

@nicoletalmadge7276

21 күн бұрын

Great words!!

Experiencing a narcissistic relationship is humbling- Because there’s no solution And the levels of confusion are extremely destabilizing. Ty RG ❤️

@theoriginal7727

3 ай бұрын

Years worth of recovery and you’re never really whole again.

My great crime, to me, was that I didn't leave. There were so many times that he did something terrible & I should have gone & I didn't! My therapist talks about humility & acceptance. Acceptance is very empowering. Thank you Richard.

@theoriginal7727

3 ай бұрын

Wish that I could permanently! Have a shared daughter now. Been separated for 8 years, but multiple times a week it’s like the scars are torn back open, having to hear her voice on FaceTime. Acting like nothing happened, like the whole horror, show of the relationship and her entire life we’re not even real. No accountability will ever be had from them!

@susanlumen4489

18 күн бұрын

Please research what a trauma bond is and how it affects a person physiologically. It will make sense of how we got stuck

Don’t worry about your concern Richard. Your videos have saved my life. I take responsibility for being human, for losing, for not being healthy enough to recognize it. I lost everything, my career, friendships, family. I accept it and I understand why it happened now. You are a big part of that man. Thank you

@justinmatisewski1285

2 ай бұрын

Daniel, you are not alone and I relate quite a bit with your statement here. Trying to pick myself up and be kind and humble to myself like Richard recommends.

First step - be kind. “keep coming back to this.” Needed to be reminded of this.

Self-awareness and accountabilty are keys. We can't blame the Narc for not having it, and not have it ourselves. Losing years to an illusion SUCKS. But it takes two to tango. Looking at what got us in it in the first place is the first step on the road to recovery. No mud, no lotus.

That's the crazy thing . With humility , there becomes the genuine sovereignty. You see, because in that there is full accountability. It doesn't absolve the abuser , but it returns agency to you. This is great insight RG . ✌️

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Humility and forgiveness isn't for the weak. I takes a lot of strength

@billieberry6756

2 ай бұрын

So we'll said. Thank you 🙏

How you stand up for the truth is beautiful and admirable. Your integrity shines through.

I went into my marriage knowing something was wrong but he treated me like my mother did and it felt familiar. I wasn’t authentic. I only attract them, so I’ve got a lot of work to do but at least I spot them quickly these days.

@ElanaVital83

3 ай бұрын

Trust the process! You're getting it bit by bit, and one day you'll turn around and they'll be as boring as popup ads. You'll click away without even thinking ❤

@sharlesb7735

3 ай бұрын

@@ElanaVital83 thank you, I hope so, onwards and upwards.

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Exactly This narcissist would even use the same verbiage my mom did and they never met.....he used the same phrases and behaviors. I asked him once if he channel her, she died before he came along

@sharlesb7735

3 ай бұрын

@@mightymouse1005 wow that’s freaky.

@Positively46

Ай бұрын

After watching these videos I can spot them within a minute. Nice people attract them. Richard you have helped so many . Thank you.

Possibly Richard's most helpful video ever, for me anyway. Planning to share!

@Eva-janeMiddleton-xu9lk

3 ай бұрын

I feel the same way. I am working on forgiving myself. Especially now that I've seen this video.

I just rolled off my second toxic relationship in a 2 year period. I accept my stupidity and try and laugh at myself, because if not I'm going to drive myself insane trying to rationalize things that will never make sense. I can accept that. I'm predictable when it comes to fitting a square relationship in a circle hole.. you can't jam it, when you need to jelly it.

@mrleomich

3 ай бұрын

Funny, i tried a few dating experiences, and about 3 out of 6 girls I dated were either highly narcisistic or borderline. Thankfully, these times I was able to part my way at the early stages of the same abuse that kept me glued to my wife of 15yrs (covert/fragile).

@mrleomich

3 ай бұрын

I must say that Richie is right on “was it lust, greed, pride”?

@David-eu1ms

3 ай бұрын

​@@mrleomichbeing alone is not as bad as a bad relationship.

@veronicav1779

3 ай бұрын

It's all about boundaries. And boundaries are not for others they're for yourself, so to honour these boundaries you must first honour your self.

@theoriginal7727

3 ай бұрын

@@mrleomich I got two in a row, I shared child out of the first one and absolute financial, legal and business devastation off the second one! I had no idea what the covert narc was, my daughters mother is diagnosed borderline and extreme histrionic, mild, NPD and ASD. Very high functioning, just toxic and evil enough to qualify Trying to imagine how I’m going to get back up from this second round.

I totally agree a sin is always involved. Was a non beleiving Catholic, alcholic, sex loving, workaholic, truth bender until abused. Putting on all Gods armour saved me. 1 - Belt of Truth. The belt of truth signifies holding God's truth close to yourself at the core of your being. ... 2- Breastplate of Righteousness. ... 3 - Feet Fitted with the Gospel of Peace. ... 4 - Shield of Faith. ... 5 - Helmet of Salvation. ... 6 - Sword of the Spirit. ... 7 - Prayer. If you are rightous, truthful, have faith, beleive in salvation. You can then stand alone and not be affected by the npd's

@sarahannelowe6557

3 ай бұрын

I still had to grieve tho, hard and painful , for the childhood and life I never had. It’s a long , long road. Still have flashbacks, and emotional flashbacks. Certainly the Holy Spirit gives you strength and is the comforter.

@sillysop

3 ай бұрын

Thank you stranger on the internet :) going to do a big study on the armour of God today. 2 month No contact after 6 years of criminal and spiritual abuse and the ptds has hit me like another new tsunami this morning. Nothing has tested my faith like this before so I’m looking forward to coming forth as gold one day. One day (minute/second) at a time x

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

​@@sarahannelowe6557same and I'm 60.....sorry you went through those dark times

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

​@@sillysopAMEN, I have to give credit. The narcissist abuse pushed me to seek God more and more.....

It’s weird but I feel there is something in your age that triggers an awakening in your brain to the truth. I’ve just turned 50 and I can honestly say I don’t think I could’ve felt this way 10 years ago. I knew something was wrong but I wasn’t able to process what my instincts were telling me. Over the last 18 months I can honestly say I’ve been able to open my mind. It’s like a transfer window in footy, if I hadn’t done this in that specific time I would’ve never got it. Maybe my turning to god or a loss of some chemical in my brain when I went through menopause. Whatever it is I feel so lucky to have seen what I see and escaped from the depths of despair 😊 also thanks to you, Sam, Danish, Jessie and a few others who helped me along the way 🤩

@RICHARDGRANNON

3 ай бұрын

I wonder if our hormonal profile doesn’t have a major impact on it? Not sure, but yes I’ve noticed the same.

@bevscooby1

3 ай бұрын

@@RICHARDGRANNON I noticed that stopping having sex also played a big part in my eyes being opened. I do think I hid behind the quick fix and all that comes with it. I still would like a relationship and sex within it but I do have some hurdles to overcome before I do. Maybe when I’m 70ish haha Hope this makes sense. I did dance with a narcissist for a very long time until I realised I was in denial. I do believe humility is the answer and listening to what you said brings optimism and reassurance that we all are capable of coming through this kinda ok if we’re willing to accept we played a major part in this palaver 👍

@isthisshit4real

3 ай бұрын

​@@bevscooby1 - The sex is a big one. It's SO addictive for me. So are relationships. I'm female, 55, decided I'm better person without a relationship. Don't know how to be in one. Heck, I've been anxious and depressed for so long, I have no clue how to make friends. I am supernerd the hermit woman. 😏👍

@drlarrymitchell

3 ай бұрын

Turning fifty will drop your tits into your socks , but it also comes with a bit of wisdom.

@jomoon9391

2 ай бұрын

​@isthisshit4real do you think it's autism too?

Indeed! Had to be said. Narcissistic wounding creates narcissistic defences. In my own recovery I’ve had to go into those wounds and whilst I was feeling them I had to (temporarily) accept the voice of the narcissist- I had to feel the shame, sadness, & intense hurt that the words created in me. I had to feel it all, in order to release it and transform it. And to feel it fully I had to stop suppressing it. It was lodged on a really deep level because I was resisting and suppressing. My resistance (in the form of ‘but I didn’t deserve it’, ‘but I wasn’t the abuser’), even though logically & empirically correct! was actually keeping the wounding stuck within me, and was producing compensatory behaviours to prove to myself that I wasn’t what I had been painted to be. This is the crux of narcissistic wounding. Even if consciously you know it was their trauma and issues, by the time you’ve become embroiled then your subconscious has heard and received the devaluing messages, whether rationally you agreed with them or not. It may be mild compared to what they suffered as children, but it’s still in you. And if you’ve had a tendency to remain in these types of dynamics, then you probably have some wounding like this from your childhood as well (coupled with neglect) that has also lodged there. I suspect trauma bonding is at least in part the psyche is seeking absolution, acceptance, love from the very voice that declared your unworthiness. This may also be why trying to heal from a trauma bond with someone who has BPD & co-morbid narcissistic traits is arguably even harder than straight up NPD, because there can be some real affection and love from people like that, even though it’s all mingled up with toxicity, so it’s even harder to walk away because the absolution and love is there! It’s just waiting for you to take them in again. But obviously that’s a trap...all part of the manipulation and their inability to self soothe. The only way through is to give ourselves that witnessing and absolution, and to feel absolved we actually need to fully process the shame, hurt and anger. But thankfully if you’re open to it, it can be done in a therapeutic space, through a number of modalities (I don’t just do things cognitively, I have to work somatically as well). But all this to say Richard’s right, once it’s in you it’s 100% your responsibility. And if meaning is what we need, then learning and growing can be the meaning, and sometimes even just having experiences. I mean I wouldn’t go back into the toxic dynamics I have experienced, but I wouldn’t want them to have never happened either. There was an incredible amount of beauty, fun, connection, steaminess and even love (sometimes) in them. But there was also abuse and all the shitty stuff as well. I can be grateful for the good stuff whilst still knowing that I’d prefer and deserve to have more peaceful and healthy interactions in the future. They taught me a lot. I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

I was not able for years to learn to forgive myself and to be kind to myself. Finally Finally Finally......after years of inner work I am able now and it’s wonderful.....I feel joy again. 😊 This is all true Richard. I was so infected with their spirits .....the enmeshment...spirit of fear, of pride, of anger, of judgement, of lies, shame, arrogance ,envy, jalousy......I was infected with all this and I judged myself for it and now after individuation I can see and feel that this wasn't me 😃😃I constantly get in contact with my inner child, my inner adolescent and sad that it wasn't her fault, I explained her what happened, I gave her what she needed in the past and I took responsability for her pain, changed her believes which were projections and then real healing began. I became much more humble automatically. It was not possible to be humble at first. I had to gave myself security, forgiveness and understanding first. Thank you Richard

@romygarcia3782

3 ай бұрын

So happy to hear that there can be light at the end of the dark tunnel that narcissistic abuse puts you in 🙏🍀❤️‍🩹 Thank you for sharing your experience… sending you much love 💕

@claudiasbarra1044

3 ай бұрын

@@romygarcia3782 thank you. Don't give up. I shared my experience for motivating other persons. Don't give up. You are so worthy. Sending much love and gratefullness. 🙏💜💕💖

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

I have been listening to deliverance videos and anointed my house and animals. Getting his evil demons out of my house....

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

I know my problem. Horrible abusive childhood. 2 bad marriages. Last marriage was to an amazing and wonderful empathetic man until he died......I was weak and fell into the web of lies the narcissist throws out.....I take full responsibility

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Religious narcissist are the worst.....

I think humbleness comes hand in hand with accountability (not guilt!). I have recently watched an interview of the Wolf of Wall street Jordan Belfort’s ex-wife Nadia (he is real narcissist, if not a psychopath), and what I really liked is that she didn’t blame it all on him but also said that she holds herself accountable for what happened in her life too, as you said “it has to be something wrong with me too, if I allowed this to happen in my life”. And it’s not victim blaming, it’s being accountable for your life as an adult.

Jesus walked the Earth. The Humblest Man who ever lived!!! I am a Follower of Jesus!!!! I am proud to be humble. God hates pride!!! Be humble like Jesus was. You are giving us the right advice!!! Thank you, Richard❤

I literally just walked out of a narcissistic abuse relationship twelve hours ago and I have felt so many emotions sadness And emptiness seem to be the all thats left

@debbiejohnson5610

8 күн бұрын

I am feeling the same, kind of freaking out emotionally, and depressed. Barely hanging on right now.

I felt overwhelming guilt more than anything when I left my last narcissistic partner.. she did make out like I was horrible for leaving her though. Like some helpless abandoned child. It's sickening how perfect their acting is. Absolutely diabolical

@theoriginal7727

3 ай бұрын

❤🎉❤🎉❤ horrible when there is actually a child between you and shared custody… If they are high functioning, the courts are absolutely clueless. Unless there’s really extreme physical or sexual abuse going on, it’s hard to get full custody, especially as a man. I would love nothing more than to be down the road and never see her hideous black hole, eyes and face ever again… But no way in heaven or hell would I leave my daughter to that fate! Her mom has the emotional capacity of a six or seven-year-old comment and my daughter is turning eight this year so we’re getting into rough waters…

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

They're ALWAYS the innocent victims...

Its a crazy journey. I'm finally getting to understanding my situation. ❤

Are you saying that there are people who start this process being anything but devastated? I remember what a relief it was when I got angry because with anger came creativity and determination. Up to then I was paralyzed. When I look at the outcome for my children it is clear we did not win. I kept waiting for the world to make sense, and for me to feel wise . There has been no redemption or validation, no requests for forgiveness, no perfect world. You'll never meet your quota of bad people or pain. The Universe will never determine that you have paid enough, and neither will your toxic family, sadistic ex or traumatized kids.

@billieberry6756

2 ай бұрын

I hear you! I first want to say that I hear you. The anguish is unfathomable. Truly beyond words. I lived with seething anger, unknowingly believing that this was somehow redemptive. That anger held such energy as to hold me, painfully, to a place where I could fall to pieces and, again, unknowingly be safe. I am grateful for my anger, but it no longer serves me. My anger was all-consuming, like fire. Now, there is room for self-reckoning.

I know this post is 3 months old: but I needed Mr.Grannon's wisdom poured out here. And I'm grateful for it. As well let me add because I've gone through this - being vicious and saying or doing anything back just poisons you! It only makes you feel worse and makes you question yourself more , hate on yourself more for being so "unlike" your true loving peaceful self, it just makes you sicker - not the person who is / has been doing real damage to you. So yes, be humble with yourself and reinstate as much PEACE and as great a Serine environment around yourself and for yourself no matter what. {if you are still around the damaging person - just do all you can truly to stop all interactions until...}

You are absolutely the BEST Narcissistic Expert on KZread. Thank you so much for all that you do and the way that you do it sir. God bless. ❤

@user-ky1ki4qs9e

24 күн бұрын

I went to live with my parents who were abusive too! Which was more torment for me😢. I became suicidal, but I never knew it was narcissism, but Slowly I got through it, probably because of therapy...and most therapy do not touch family discourse..it was only going to a violence shelter that I learned more about the abusive power wheel...I probably still need therapy.

Thank you for your time, Richard. Especially in making these videos. They really help.

If you keep going back, you will find it only gets worse, I went back so many times just to make sure they were ok, as i worried that it was all my fault. If you do the work with yourself first and really learn to heal yourself back to love and health, you will see their floors more and more. It starts with you. These videos have helped so so much, never let it be said that being informed with the correct information doesnt work, they are all part of the personal healing journey. A good therapist, journalling giving yourself time to breath and heal, and good informative guidance, you will break free 🙏

Humility is accepting that you have lost the ego war so that you can truly win your mind, your spirit, your heart. So much peace comes with it.

This is why Buddhism is the way out of our mental cage that the narcassists put us in. When we do mind body work we use our own voice. The more we do that the more we will recognise our voice over the other voices.

I like what you said about humility, redemption and forgiveness.

Best talk ever. . This encapsulates the journey to wholeness for myself. Kindness, compassion, humility…. These are the best paths.

Well said Richard, truth is healing!

Ii thank you Richard:) Been watching as I heal, since 2014. Much appreciation! Kept me company through a 14 year muck hole. ❤❤

Thank you Richard you help us a lot ! Detachment finally kicked in for my set of mind to finally do it NOW ! Difficult but necessary was to the point of me getting sick and die or to tell ,find authority , legally to have my adult narcissist son (42years old) move out 60 days notice . He’s the continuation of abuse as my own family chain … my mother , ex husband his father , 3 ex boyfriends . Thank you to our community, who needs to get out is …NOW , ASAP , nothing goes better with time only WORSE !!! This new approach of humble,humility,tell , AUTHENTICITY IS MY WORD FOR A MONTH 💕 in my character now for Myself!

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Find out why you attract them and are attracted to them. That's what you need to fix. I'm sorry all those toxic people have hurt you.

@isthisshit4real

3 ай бұрын

I gather she attracts them/is attracted to them because she grew up with a narc mom. Still need to repair your codependency. 1st step was kicking out your son. GREAT JOB, SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! 💝👍👍😀

Completely agree. 27 years. I justified staying so my kids would have a dad and a decent lifestyle to grow up with. I moved to separate on the 26/12/23. It’s only been nearly 2 months. Hopefully we can divorce amicably. I’m so done. I don’t hate him, we both behaved badly on occasion. I have a lot of work to do to regain my independence at age 51. The grieving process is definitely a thing. The love bombing thing is in full force. I just want to feel better and be a loving person toward my kids and the friends I have that love me. We all make mistakes and when you know better you do better ❤

That part at 11:54 is huge for men to observe, seeing how to vocalize pain is probably not a lot of us have been taught.

The years you're honesty moved forwards. Some what as I too learned to forgive myself. Keep on going. One step a time

Restraining order placed. 2 years of living in absolute hell with a man who has NPD. I am forever changed but I refuse to live in the vicious cycle of trauma any longer. I'm 2 weeks no contact and the fog has lifted. Painful memories I'd rather forget but necessary as a reminder of the abuse I endured. I will never look back. I pray for strength during this process.

Here I am. Since Four o'clock in the morning...Listening to you and understanding every single word ...and still, feeling miserable. I was married for 40 years.I raised four boys whom I named like their father. I left him five and a half years ago. This never ending loneliness seems to get worse and worse. I don't see myself as stupid but emotionally I know I'm an idiot. I forgive myself for that but I can't help feeling sorry for myself and this sorrow is not compatíble with my idea of dignity and self respect... It's been sooo hard . This man for whom I now feel sorrow, keeps haunting me like a ghost...

@theoriginal7727

3 ай бұрын

You’re not an idiot, friend! Don’t beat up on yourself and continue their abuse. We really don’t know, until we know. What it all is!

@manuelateixeira22

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for your good Will, friend!

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Understandable How about volunteering somewhere? Food banks, animal shelter, soup kitchen, church, wherever you would enjoy. Go SLOW in everything you do. Pamper yourself. Allow yourself to sleep in if you can. We should form a friendship circle of people to call weekly just to have someone who understands. You can do this.

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Your NOT an idiot.....you didn't know. You can't blame yourself for what you didn't know

@user-ky1ki4qs9e

24 күн бұрын

I did the same, affirmation helps a lot, Louise Hay books and videos are helpful, and Wayne Dyer, " RISE ABOVE The doubts, and Transcend the limitations this person gave you by be-littling you..abolish ANY COMMUNICATION with this abuser..for your self- respect and the only way to learn to value yourself.

Do you know what my sin was? I didn’t know my worth and I let a man determine my worth for 34 years of marriage and my religious beliefs kept me in that marriage. I thought I could change this man and teach him humility and teach him how to react kindly. The golden rule never worked on him. I suffered. I floundered and made mistakes trying to find self-worth in the relationship and outside the relationship. I finally found videos online like this, that helped me break free.

@user-jy8jn7pt8w

3 ай бұрын

Exactly my story

@devankurmitra4118

3 ай бұрын

What religion

@sadiamufti8890

3 ай бұрын

👍👍👍

@mlou7432

Ай бұрын

@@devankurmitra4118 christianity. Or I should say churchianity. That is religion I’ve now found a walk with the Lord a relationship with my Lord is what Jesus preached.

@devankurmitra4118

Ай бұрын

@@mlou7432 how is your "relationship " different from religion?

My 1st one was over 9 years ago. Lasted 2 years. I was so traumatized i stayed single for 7 years. The a girl pursued me with great intensity and speed. I knew something was wrong from the beginning, but it was so fun and happy i got sucked in. Turned out she has bpd. I held out for 7 yrs then ended it. I was so broken a d mentally and physically damaged. After i had her leave she said she never wanted to speak to me again and that i abised her. I was stunned. I have now been diagnosed with cptsd.

A creative person just çan't create when in a nrc relationship.I'ts absolute hell.

@DJQuickSB

3 ай бұрын

yup, even lost interest, no inspiration, no nothing. almost 10 years, yesterday first time something just came out of nothing again.

Ive been living this for ten years surviving now time to put it all to work now that im finally NO CONTACT😊 in theripy nowadays.....

Time and mercy ❤

These videos are a bit late, but are very helpful! I realized my last relationship was also a little abusive in the Narcissist sense, but it was lower level than what I am used to. I was with a Rock Star Drummer for 9 years. He has so many of the signs, but he was never abusive or controlling over me. Instead, he needed a perpetual audience in his personal life when he wasn't on tour. He was never cruel to me, but he had this idea that he couldn't understand why people get upset when he "bleeds on them." What he thought he was doing was complaining and expressing his troubles. What he WAS doing was getting paper cuts and then ripping his own arm off and beating me with it, to illustrate how bad he felt. Lol...He was always the Victim. Unfortunately for him, my experiences were usually much worse, so if I was relating to him and giving advice, he would see it as though I was trying to win a "how bad" contest. I only wanted to illustrate that I "get it." He abandoned me in my time of need, when I started displaying serious MS symptoms. I just got pissed about that, after every back-breaking thing I had done for him, and left the relationship immediately. I can be proud of myself for that. Turns out, it took 50 years for my spinal cord injury, that nobody-not even me- knew about, to begin disabling me. I sustained that injury in the early part of my abuse journey, at the age of 5. It went unchecked and I was neglected. All of my symptoms were ridiculed and ignored, so I learned to live with them and thought a lot of them were actually normal. Finally get to see a neurologist today, in fact! The MRI is already done, neurologists have been hard to come by lately. But I got the first part of the diagnosis and I knew right away, how and when I got that injury. It took me out of my body, to watch from the ceiling. I don't even know what happened after I was nearly beaten to death or crippled, I just know everything changed in my perceptions, when I was blamed for the attack for being whiny. I had asked for help with a difficult button. I had not been whiny all day, I know and remember. Sorry if this is too long. I thought it was appropriate to point out my ex's behavior here. It wasn't so obvious, and I figured others in this realm, might relate to the more subtle signs.

I've been recovering from narcissism for some time now and still have a lot to learn. However, there is one thing I have known about myself and my recovery from the get go. That is that, I do not want to hurt the narcissist. As Mr. Grannon is saying, it is a big failure because you are then no different than the narcissist. It has always been very easy for me to destroy a narcissist with sarcasm, hitting below the belt as they do and crushing their feelings and ego. The only thing that has ever done for me is to make me feel guilty and apologetic towards the narcissist, thus keeping me in the state of non-recovery.

Humility is actually very healing, its like a weight off, and being deadly honest is also very therapeutic. And the balancing of humility and kindness to self in your msg is very helpful and on point. Thank you

I thank God for you often & for His angels to cover & protect you Richard . The fantasy/dual mothership youtube revelation was a life saver for me ❤❤❤

Yeah I've had 7 narcissists in my life and have 2 still around me...but I can handle them as I don't see them much anymore ...I'm winning in life now and have finally through the help of people like you help me survive these demons and get through all my trauma....x

Even after being separated for more than a decade... When you have a child together, and the child grows up to be a teen mirroring and being coached by the narcissistic parent. Both abusing you at the same time. I stand up and say to you all " I will keep healing even when I'm in the fire." I sit in humility and learn from every step taken. Love to you all. xoxo Thank you @RICHARDGRANNON for being a part of my healing journey. You make the difference in the world.

100 percent true. It's a kindness to yourself. It feels nice for the inner voice to be gentle and kind. I give myself grace that ignorance isn't stupidity It's just ignorance. I didn't know what I didn't know. I've never wanted to get even. It feels so good to have little to no contact. My anger comes from my mother dying married to this horrible person and subjecting myself and my family to him. I'm working through this. It's been a real challenge and hard work as I grew up on a day to day with severe stress and trauma due to an alcoholic rageful father. Only raged when he drank once a month but we never knew when it was going to happen. He died when zi was 20. Mom's second marriage was to a narcissist who took us all in. Over 30 years he wrought so much damage and yet I'm recovering and finding peace. It's getting easier. Forgiving my deceased parents has been good because I'm able to start grieving. Life can get better.

Wow, This is Very Powerful. Your Very Best. Thank you.

"Fake it till you make it", "needy" cool keywords. I wish I wasn't that needy myself... "Why do people depend on each other, in the end you are on your own." another cool catchphrase from a video game...🤟🦁🖤

Please STOP the fighting!! I have had enough! Innocent people are getting hurt- MYSELF included!

I stayed in it so long because I was gaslighted by therapists. I did seek guidance which is why im so angry now. Silver lining, I listen to my intuition in every situation and that has been huge the last 4 years.

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Find a therapist who specializes in cluster B personality disorder.

22 yrs.. i didn't know til a year ago. Ugh.. so glad to be getting out and get healed.

There is that piece in another video Richard that you said , "it does not matter if it is Narcissistic Abuse " " If they abused you , and you asked them to stop and they did not , you may leave " . So even when we did not know what the cause was , we stayed , allowed them to abuse us . We own some of why we let it happen.

This is amazing. What you are saying is something I had not heard before and it explains the things I still had not understood. And it also explains why I feel the hate and cruel vengeance so many other channels spew made me feel something was dreadfully amiss. Wow. Thank you.

I dont ike to say i "lost" 34 years. I wrote a list of all the things i achieved and did during that time, and yes the relationship with the npd may have been a loss, but I still lived and experienced life to its fullest, and the best thing now that i am free of the demon, i can live life even better with awareness.

I like it. I feel like the main message from all the counselors these days is “it’s not your fault,” and after years of therapy, I’ve come to the conclusion this message can be quite detrimental, because it takes away my power and sense of duty to myself. I much prefer the self compassionate “wow I fucked up, but I can still be kind”

Good evening Mr. Grannon & everyone else. I'm so annoyed. I thought I'd be able to start off this year healed completely as I've already spent feels like wasted years ruminating about the same old narcs who purposely hurt me yet...I've been rumination relapsing in feeling angry towards the narcs who hurt me the most recently. I no longer desire to reconcile with them nor even get apologies from them. I just want the hurt I still feel in the callous way they treated me to go away 😢

Right on brother. Last night I was saying to myself, you are beautiful, smart, and amazing woman. Then I thought, wow I sound like a narcissist then I laughed and God reminded me, well you have been calling yourself a piece of shit for so long, its ok in the privacy of your own home, to build your self esteem. Be humble out there in the world..

@Job.Well.Done_01

3 ай бұрын

We aren’t the pos’s - Those vile, savage creatures who used and abandoned us - plus smeared our names are the real pos’s.

You really are an expert Richard, doing this work will help you not relapse, what do you think of the idea that soulmates split into polar opposites in this 3D world, light/dark relationships everywhere. Do you think lightworkers need to be abused to toughen up and get smarter??? Part of the hybridisation agenda on earth? Good video, complex subject, process work never ends...❤🌟🙏🌟

Thank you it has been almost 5 months and i agree is forgiving myself Caring for my self and be kind to myself thank you 🙏

The rise of “the individualistic society”, isolation and vulnerability regaled by the controllers of the “system of things”….make it make sense 😉

I used to be full on codependent and I am grateful I am aware and healing 😊❤

I'm afraid that the venom is still coarsing after 9 months. You description of narcissistic defense initially, makes perfect sense. I did your breaking the trama bond course while waiting on an appointment with a therapist, trying to be proactive and not lose my mind completely. I arrived at my therapy appointment completely delusional, and convinced her that i was so strong. Boy was i wrong. I'm almost suicidal now. I'm too afraid to admit it to her, because I'm afraid she'll admit me to the hospital. She thinks I'm just self sabotaging. She's partially right, but it goes to much deeper. I'm so lost.

I thank my saviour Jesus that I see this video now when I really need it. Yes, I have come to radical acceptance and I realize that it was not only about him, I also have a responsibility. I feel more and more peace. Thank you Richard for this video. ❤ God Bless you from Sweden.

I like that you brought up humility. I think it's important to recognize that within the framework of healing ourselves, being able to see our flaws and hurts are a part of the human experience. It reminds me of what you learn in Al-Anon Family. One of the steps is being responsible for the things you have done to hurt others. I remember one of the members said, "You know, I'm really struggling with this step. I've been hurt. Why should I have to apologize?" You don't always get, if ever, an apology from an addict. In the same sense, you don't get an apology from a Narcissist. It's the hurt that keeps on giving. So, I can see why part of healing is looking at your own behavior towards others and yourself. Am I being kind and patient with myself? Am I offering that to others? Do I apologize when I have hurt someone or am I defending myself because I have had to do that with the Narcissist?

You are very kind man. Best wishes for you! There is a saying "Pride walks before fall" its complite Truth. Humility is a superpower.

Exactly right. I never would have gotten involved with the covert except i was so lonely and needy ... a lot was wrong with me and my life at the time.

@danachoate7468

3 ай бұрын

Same

This video is beautiful. Thank you, Richard 😢❤

This was so good again 🙏 Yeah I’ve started watching your content as I’ve been seeing my own narcissistic traits because of it all tbh and as I’ve only just felt like I’ve properly healed from it recently by accepting how much I was had off an that I played a role in that but was all I was capable of at the time. Been working on it from many angles and your course healing from the matrix of npd abuse - a couple of the main points in that changed things massively so thanks Richard. Your understanding of how it operates is the best I’ve come across. This whole topic of npd abuse ; it’s in everything, it’s everywhere, it’s a virus 🦠 infecting us all which is why it’s so difficult to see through the spell.

Thanks Richard. I’ve been watching your videos for years. I can really understand that it looks like part of you wants to stop talking about narcissism but part of you looks like wants you to continue. That’s the impression I get anyway though may be wrong. I’ve just been discarded by my abusive boyfriend and feel like I’ve been the frog in slow boiling water who didn’t jump out because didn’t really realise fully what was going on. The scary thing for me to realise, is this is my third abusive relationship - I’ve had one every ten years (29, 39 and now 49). I honestly thought that this guy was a good guy. So it’s scary to see that not much has changed in my attraction system in 20 years. But I’m now just doing the work of accepting I must still have very strong co-dependence and I’m working on standing up for myself in many different friendships. And somehow my narcissistic partner at least taught me how to connect in more with my anger and express it clearly so as to create a boundary. So, I guess it’s not a total loss…! Still it’s super painful but doing my best to look on the bright side!

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Codependent anonymous....guide resource Lisa Ramano also has some good stuff on YT and books

@mightymouse1005

3 ай бұрын

Mine was over sexual at first....then ZERO

This is outstanding and the most practical real life, applicable help I have heard yet since this unreal shit storm unfolded on me over a year ago. Thanks for these videos, they are helping me.

Thank you! The venom metaphor was what I needed to hear. I knew that I was (am) in an abusive relationship for the last 17yrs. But it just blew up in the most radical way - I went from being a traumatized ball of sunshine, 2yrs separated (but still in it, because she + I are financially interwoven: me disabled $900, and I thought she was just being selfish by not paying our agreed upon $2200mo.)... Right now, I'm 8 days from eviction - nothing packed because I have been focused on getting our (my - I'm fucking paranoid to use the benign word I've used "possesive" about our 11yr old) daughter back to "normal" legally pro se... Wow! The eviction was not the "result"... it's the weapon and our daughter is the "prize" and I just realized what the fuck is happening... And I'm paralyzed in the what should I focus on first, when I can barely get out of bed. And... WOW, DID I FUCK IT UP!

I've moved into the position now, early 40's, and stilll very much wanting a life partner but so damn hesitant to trust & trying to be really selective. But also recognizing I'm not young nor gorgeous to be too selective. So I'm just making peace with whatever comes & focused on being content/happy and riding the waves ~

Being removed from nature reinforces human tendencies for over estimation of self. Nature /God is humbling. Humbling =freedom

Richard i’ve listened to this like 6 times.,. This video is a major break through … Thank you….. i messed up, i was wrong , i lost now go home , dust off and move forward…..i know how i got caught into her web and i forgive myself … This video was dead on the target … once we can humble ourselves and really think how and why it happened and that we played a role and we lost and we were wrong and it hurt and we forgive ourselves we can move on..God Bless you Man .. This was Art and you Made a beautiful peace of Art and you have helped so many of Us … Thanks again

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about watching your videos ,I’ve been sacrificing my own happiness keeping her happy nothing was ever good enough no matter what it was she would be happy for a couple of hours then back to the same person ,I couldn’t do enough now it’s about me and my happiness.

Wow. When you said there's a time to be yin and a time to be yang, that really resonated with me. So rather than trying to forcefully beat the narc up with mental karate, better to defend yourself with mental ki-aikido and deflect their abusive energy away from you. Is that an accurate analogy? It was like when my therapist told me , rather than be angry at my mom about her abusive manipulations, try and understand that she's projecting her fears of the world onto me because of the abusive behaviors she was subjected to as a child. A huge moment of understanding for me. Her narc behavior towards me was never about me. It was about her.

This video is really priceless. Honestly it’s the BEST NPD abuse video I’ve ever seen. You are doing incredible healing work on this topic and giving some reality sound, grounded advice while also being very effective. Plus you are so humble, AND funny! think you should be awarded for your service to humanity in this field. Thanks so much for what you do and the work you put into this.

The difference is that it's possible for us to be in a healthy relationship (after years of therapy lol)- it's not possible for them. Every relationship they have in the future will be EXACTLY THE SAME - or worse.

@Jess-kn8vl

3 ай бұрын

True. And if you miss them, do you miss what you went through because they are doing the exact same thing to someone else. It isint any better, what you see are the highlights like what people saw with you and that person, which is why so often you aren't believed.

i would love to be a part or have the ability to be a part of the conversations, but i have never been notified. things happen though and maybe many things could be the reason behind it. timing is one. regardless, it is absolutely so* beneficial to hear the words that i think, vocalized in a way that i know i am not alone in this sort of dynamic. for almost 3 or 4 years ive been doing therapy etc, but even to this day after reinforcing it with research and conversations, i still feel completely at a loss. my one true worry is that i become like the person who used me for just under a decade. the irony is not lost on me that my boundaries that i have neglected alll this time may need reinforcement in a narcissistic manner. sadly, because i am not wired that way (clearly, or i would not have been used) it is an absolute struggle. it is also absolutely worth it! thank you Richard for speaking. humanity dictates its necessity!

I feel that lol 35 years old and just now coming to a point where I just say "fuck that" and keep pushing through.

so brilliantly said. I teach this with my clients and it’s wonderful for me to listen to your deeper layers. I agree with this inner reflection, the introject, aligning with truth, humility and how we all fumble- we all make these “Mis Takes”

OMG- you are spot on with the Abrahamic application to my deal with the devil - yes, I sinned in doing so - cuz I was so needy & lonely & looking for escape into fantasy myself in doing what I did

These narcs have a way of getting into one's whole existence Understanding the narc, and his bad influence on one's system. then reasoning in your thoughts as much as possible about the insane effect they have on good people, after a time it gets through and you start getting angry and detesting the narc.

Your understanding of THIS, is answered prayer. Thank you for the revelations.blessings.

Thank you. I’ve been made to feel wrong by my friends when I admit my part in the relationship. I know it took two of us. I would have done things differently if I had information. And at times I chose to not let the information sink in! Either way… I had a part. I don’t beat myself up. I made a mistake that I hope not to make again.

I really needed this today Richard. Thankyou so much 🙏🏼💖

He's 100% correct, I've been humbled I fell on my face, HARD. 6 years after no contact, I realize I was NOT myself. I move slower in life and have to "come back to my body" several times a day. HUMILTY is KEY. It is the way. Thanks Richard for another great video.

Richard, your work prior to 2019 helped me get out of a terrible, abusive marriage of 20 years. It has helped me leave and navigate the aftermath. I’ve been able to preserve my sanity and move forward with building my new life. I love my new life and have never been happier. Once I understood how he thinks, I could step out of the whirlpool that once pulled me down, bewildered. I’m grateful to have found you. I’m grateful that you’ve used your experience to help others 🙏🏻 .

I was suicidal. This made it different

@holliehigdon4258

Ай бұрын

I'm at that point now

It’s a choice and a hard lesson learned. Disabled and alone I believed him let him move in. seven years later, I have a permanent restraining order. I’m older and wiser,

This has been very encouraging. A great reminder of what to do. But to also know that what you walked away from was the right thing to do.

Deeply thank you for your attention and care.

Power plays in DV bring other factors to the discussion table when dealing with NPD.