‘Learn to grieve. Admit that it was a fu*king catastrophe.” This is the most important step to get to the other side of this. Hurts like hell but much, much better than being stuck in seemingly endless rumination.

@Jervdbur

2 ай бұрын

And also don’t forget to take your own accountability. You also had a part in the mess by facilitating and feeding it.

@christynann3442

2 ай бұрын

⁠​⁠@@Jervdburabsolutely! That is a very important step. It’s certainly not fun to look at your own culpability, but necessary, too.

I think this was one of your best videos yet x my father died last year , he abused me all my life right up till his deathbed, I tried to escape it and ran into him again and again with every relationship I ever had and every toxic friendship , 5 years ago something happened that finally woke me up , the sudden realisation that what I thought was normal really isn't, what I thought was love really wasn't and like a blindfold coming off I looked around me like I was seeing everyone for the first time , what followed for the next 4 years was bordering on catastrophic, I knew everything had to change and it did , the moment I decide that everything fell apart as they one by one showed their true colours or my eyes saw their true colours , they left like rats deserting a sinking ship and they didn't go quietly , my relationship , my family , friends, one by one they left leaving complete destruction , my father who was slowly dying used that to keep retraumatising me I didn't stand a chance really so i took a step back and observed him , all my childhood trauma made sense as i watched him play his games and matched them up to the times when I was too small to understand, he died 2 days before the whole country locked down , I barely left the house and literally grieved everything , the life I should have had , the person I could have been had I not been abused relentlessly, it's all I have ever known, the monsters have all gone but they were still loving in my head, taunting, criticising , I couldn't move , breathe, and it felt like wearing lead boots and a backpack full of bricks , some days I've done nothing more than run a bath and sobbed, and let those tears run away down the plughole , the release has been immense, I've been grieving most of all the death of me, releasing that person who never knew had a right to be happy , to have needs , to be loved, I'm getting to know myself and you know what I like me, its baby steps , a little wobbly at times but I survived , a little battered and bruised but nothing that can't be fixed , I may be alone but I'm not lonely, loneliness was being surrounded by people who made me feel alone while sucking the life out of me x

@recoveringsoul755

2 жыл бұрын

yes

@LC-if9vv

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this.

@beccywilson1349

2 жыл бұрын

I resonate with your life story and honor you for allowing in the difficult truth and being brave enough to allow all those tears !! . Thank you for telling it . My father was similar and even at the end denied me by making his drug dealer next of kin instead of me . I carried wild hope of his recovery from addiction until close to his early death . I wish id seen this video 20 years ago ! . I may have realised that there is more goodness in giving up hope and grieving than in fantasy /hope and focusing on the odd ,tantalising crumb of affection here and there . May the bricks fall from our rucksacks ,and may we all walk on lighter .

@curiousgirl67

2 жыл бұрын

@@beccywilson1349 oh Beccy I hope you are in a better place now , my dad was an alcoholic which got worse as he got older as he drove more people away , you dont stop loving them you stop loving yourself , all I wanted was a dad who would love me like a dad should love his daughter and I lived the role of "good girl " in the hope that one day he would but God bless these tortured souls because that's what they are, we are not our ancestors and we can break that chain xx

@viktorija4485

2 жыл бұрын

I understand your pain, you describe so well how it is, the moment of realization and all after that...Wish you better future really. Its f shit. I experienced similar stuff, first parents, than longyear husband. Im absolutely untrustful to all now and of course, dont trust myself either, as Richard says.

The hardest part is not being able to understand that people do exist that pretend, act and play with real people’s emotions. It doesn’t make sense that these people exist as they don’t follow any normal rules of human behaviour. I’ve just gone through it and it’s hard to believe that people with NPD see what they do as normal

When people say "too bad you wasted 36 yrs" I say, " I didn't waste it, I lived it, it was my truth not his, he wasted it, I have no regrets, it's HIS karma, not mine!!

@sterlingray3982

2 жыл бұрын

Experience is never a waste when you gain insight from it.

@JohnSmith-wo7ns

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent way of looking at it. 👍

@JudyBarrette

2 жыл бұрын

Yah! All those years of pain were needed, as far as I can see, to recover, or at least try to recover from the insanity I experienced in my parents' home. Out of it I have 2 great kids, and 3 grandchildren. These were not wasted years. I can only hope I did not f... them up too bad. i have been pondering the "wasted years" theory. I lived it. I suffered it. I grieved it all. If I am left with anything is that we are so ill prepared as youths to tackle our lives and especially relationships. I like your no nonsense approach. But I am wondering if anyone can ever be done with the grieving.

@AndrewFosterSheff69

Жыл бұрын

WE loved ❤. WE learned how deeply we CAN love ❤. WE did ALL we could and that means there was no more we COULD DO. Any LOSS is ALL theirs!

@SuprEmpth

Жыл бұрын

@@AndrewFosterSheff69 YES!!!! ♥

Dropped that corpse three months ago, after 48 years “together”. Reality is I was ALWAYS alone. Thank you, Mr. Grannon.

@jsg5309

2 жыл бұрын

😢😭😩 for the 48 years… 😁🙏💪🤗 👏💜💜💜 for the rest of your life living without the dead body dragging you down. Much love to you and this next chapter, it’s not easy but it’s worth it.

@theforensicbadass

2 жыл бұрын

Hugs and care to you. I understand those feelings of being in a marriage alone. Fact is… you’re not alone bc we survivors of death marriages will always be by each other supporting each other and cheering each other’s new life without those creatures of the night!

@karinajones1121

2 жыл бұрын

Love that-corpse🤣

@nathaliedufour3891

2 жыл бұрын

🙏🙌🙌

@gd8839

2 жыл бұрын

I got rid of my ex 6 years ago... felt alone then, feel alone now...not much has changed :(

“If we accept that there is evil in the world, doesn’t mean we are defeated “ YES!!!!

I will re-watch this when I can stop focusing on the visual and concentrate on the audio!! I hope you realize how important your hard work is. Thank you. - a 69 year old woman learning for the first time wtf just happened to my entire life. Thank you.

@sandytaylor2133

Жыл бұрын

I totally get what you mean 🤗

@patiencewarhol8270

Жыл бұрын

I love listening to you. You amuse me, you make me feel human and understood. You tell me what needs to be said. I am on the upswing. I'm still alive and teabagging. Regaining my self respect. Getting on with it. Thank you for everything.

@SaraLo_1

Жыл бұрын

Are you sure that’s the word you’re looking for? Maybe there’s another meaning? My guess is you may have been the latest victim of autocorrect…

@hairmatters7730

9 ай бұрын

You are awesome. You make my soul smile. Thank you!

@melodyjane8301

8 ай бұрын

Emily how are you now?

Awesome rant! We cling onto people, their feelings, our feelings, like they're our life...it's so destructive. Lack of Growth = suffering. Attachment = suffering. Fear = suffering. Worry = suffering. Guilt = suffering. Infatuation = suffering.

@Glitter504

Жыл бұрын

We have to always remain detached that’s the lesson I have learnt after all the painful relationships and especially the narcissistic one I have learnt to be detached ! Working daily on it

I remember when I figured out he did not love me, I was devastated, disappointed and mad at myself that I fell for his act...It was hard not to be so critical of myself.

@shortyp1000

2 жыл бұрын

It's a few gut and sucker punches but then you recover.

@catarinaneto5579

2 жыл бұрын

The question we put whorself? Whi I didn't see before? Whi I'm so stupid to think love changes...for me it was the most difficult part. Accept the fact I lost almost 5 years of my life 🙃

@alexisscarbrough4083

Жыл бұрын

40+ years of my life was spent in that disillusion. It has been hard accepting both parents and grand never loved me. It's taking a long time to get okay with this...and it doesn't help when they remind me how much they don't love me.

I put chapters on this so please give THAT a "likE" (a lot of topics covered, I felt chapters would help) And also give a "like" to annoy the petty little mefs who dislike the video - ta la!

@jyouarem7199

3 ай бұрын

Best video ever. 😅 Have watched quite a few of your videos over the past 12 months . You and Sam Vaknim.- thanx for that recommendation on one of your vids; "Dual Mothership"-S.V. This video..well..WOWw..what a way to complete my "research"🎉. Just priceless this one. Love the realness. You always have made me laugh with you and this was super great😂🙏. Thankyou❤

Bravo. I needed this message. I’m tired of ppl telling me I’m the problem for crying it out and changing direction. And being in control. Absolutely tired of it. I was obsessed with an ex narc. But my obsession wasn’t figuring them out. I was beating myself up for wanting to believe they cared. Wanting to be loved. I am loved. Just not by them and that’s perfectly ok. Gosh I was out of my mind for a while. I’m not going to beat myself up any more.

Oh my f-ing god I'm laughing hard. We should scream, cry out the stress hormones, then laugh our butts off. You are so RIGHT! Deep down we don't want to admit we don't like these losers anyway. We developed a trauma bonding addiction. Odysseus had himself lashed to the mast so he wouldn't give in to the sirens calls.

@ghaliashaheen

Жыл бұрын

I laughed so hard too. HE IS SO FUCKING RIGHT!! An absolute legend.

@almohvn33

Жыл бұрын

Love that about Odysseus!

I was in absolute shock when I first started watching narcissistic videos on KZread. My brain simply couldn’t process the truth about the person I was in a relationship with. That was 2 years ago. Yep I became obsessed with researching her disorder, it was so validating and heartbreaking. I’m watching less these days

@JEHOVAH485

2 жыл бұрын

Grieving is a process that we need to monitor spiritually in order to keep from getting stuck. Pull out of the process too quickly and you don't fully heal. Stay too long and you lose what's left of life. God bless you on your healing journey.

@Accidental_Warrior

2 жыл бұрын

Actually my first reactions was f*cking yes! this is it!!!! But then lost it when narc parents stalked me and it turned out my partner in my 20s was one too :(

@santoparfano1910

2 жыл бұрын

Yes brother I'm in the same boat. I'm realizing that if I don't make a move to get out, I won't fully heal. 26 years together and this past weekend we attended a friend's wedding and my wife spent the entire time gawking and oogling over another guy at the wedding. Whenever he walk into the area we were sitting at, she would instantly perk up and her eyes would follow his every move. It was an outside wedding so i wore my sunglasses so she couldn't see me watching her subtle behavior. Later I addressed it and she denied it...no surprise bc narcs like her cant tell the truth nor can they apologize. I'm going to write a book about my experiences with my covert narc wife. It will curl your toes...she was extremely evil...

@jozefrevay4710

2 жыл бұрын

Was she covert narc?

@donnabelitz3105

2 жыл бұрын

I felt the same way

I am observing that those with the biggest hearts, hurt the most...

@jacrowe3477

2 жыл бұрын

Very true

@cdd4248

2 жыл бұрын

That's the Truth

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Because we don t expect them to be heartbreakers, have daddy issues and cheat... We are offguard with them... And that hurts like hell😥🤤

@stephanielane2188

2 жыл бұрын

Big hearts win wars. Heartless people run. Let us keep our hearts and grow our brains

This whole video is so helpful. I'm in a gross space of obsessive anger and laser focus on an abusive shit that left me for someone else. And I do know he sucks. The abuse was so bad I was physically reacting to him. If I'm honest he wasn't what I really wanted even on the best terms. And I am acting like a teenager, but I'm 44. It's all bad and I needed to hear every second of this. Thank you.

@Loriburnett

11 ай бұрын

Sarah, I identify with what you’re saying which is really crazy to me and I’m 52 years old.

@JH-td4mn

10 ай бұрын

I identify as well, I'm 48 years old and the vile man child was in my life for 2 years and wasn't even my type. I'm nearly 18 months no contact and still healing.

@nicolajirving

25 күн бұрын

Hi, how are you doing now? Does it take long to move on?

This despair you mention feels the same as what I call surrender. Acceptance of what's right in front of us with no filters can be the most frightening and therapeutic thing imaginable.

Merci Richard, I'm proud to say that I arrive to the same conclusion. It's so hard to face the terrible truth: he nerver love me ever. But I think that's the only way to take my life back. I have to be their for my self and for my kids. Your thoughs and lessons are helped a lot. A year and a half ago, I stand for self and I pack the stuff of my ex and cast him away of my home. He has brake all of my core boundaries. So I choose my self. I did'nt survive breast cancer stage 3 to live a fake life. So here I'm at 50 years old rebuilting a new life! I'm alone but I'm ok with it. Take good care of you beautiful! soul.

101 room: "...and no matter what you do, they never will". "give up all hope for a better past."

@More_readings

2 жыл бұрын

True...

@eternalfaith4622

2 жыл бұрын

Legend! This helps alot

I accept this idea of Adlerian Defence. Another theory I thought was interesting is that this obsession is a unique form of OCD, and is also worth exploring. I think there is more to this than not being able to accept/release the grief. This isn't just grieving/acceptance of a situation with a person (or people, if you become aware of early childhood abuse). It is an awakening to a darker side of humanity in general. Becoming aware that such a significant percentage of humanity does this to others is horrifying. How do we process this? From my perspective, this transforms into something more like a generalized phobia of love, of others, of relationships... our ability to trust others is shattered. I think we've all "accepted" that a lot of people are shitty, but this has now coloured our world-view in a way that makes it really, really hard to see people in a way we once did (e.g., ability to "love" a new person ever again).

@jozzz222

2 жыл бұрын

So true. Changed forever

@socol76

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly how I feel.

@ashleyalicecullen

2 жыл бұрын

Yes

@seriouscat2231

Жыл бұрын

This is a problem only as long as love is defined as an emotion and not as the will reacting to the truth of a thing. It is an awakening to the reality of the concept he ridicules as the Original Sin.

@seriouscat2231

Жыл бұрын

The point of Original Sin is not that "people are generally bad" but that people generally have darkened minds. Which causes them to think of love as a pleasurable emotion, almost like a womb. Protestantism says that you are irredeemable but all is forgiven so just be happy. Medieval Catholicism told you to show your love for truth by accepting what suffering might be sent your way.

I don’t know how I came across this because I wasn’t even looking for these type of videos today but I think this video found me. I was talking to someone earlier today about how I’m still depressed. Part of my depression is due to Narc abuse from a guy I dated 10 years ago. I don’t want the relationship anymore at all but I haven’t been able to let go of the pain they caused. I don’t want to carry this corpse around anymore. Thank you for this❤️‍🩹🙏🏾

I dont like issuing warnings with videos and I loathe the term "trigger warning" - triggers are for g*ns and b8mbs, both are mindless, dangerous and without their own agency- but this video is a straight download from an instagram live rant I delivered last night. If you are recently heartbroken or sensitive to issues around emotional pain, grieving and the like, maybe skip this one. Otherwise, if you feel strong and resilient, this dose of harsh medicine may do you the world of good. 00:00 - 1:00 intro 1:00 - 5:25 they didnt love you (room 101) 5:25 - 5:50 the Adlerian defence 5:50 - 8:00 this emotional pain will be awful 8:00 - 9:00 There are two pains you must face 9:00 - 10:15 Youre carrying a corpse! 10:15 - 14:05 Pete Walker:Our culture does not permit grieving 14:05 - 17:25 The I Ching is the only directive life narrative Ive ever seen 17:25 - 19:41 You are NOT WEAK! 19:41 -20:23 Our current response to pain is inhuman and unnatural 20:23 - 20:52 Kiergaard moment of despair 20:52 - 21:30 you are NOT obsessed 21:30 - 22:00 we dont believe in ourselves any more 22:00 - 24:00 It will suck but you'll be alive 24:19 - 26:30 When we succumb to fear its slow death 26:30 - 28:30 this culture war is a spiritual war 28:30 - 29:50 there is conflict in being 29:50 - 32:30 a general malaise of guilt has infected the West 32:30 - 34:40 the value of despair and grieving 34:40 - 36:55 its more than a "mindset shift" 36:55 - 38:00 Critical thinking/Sartori/Buddhists 38:00 - 39:40 Death of a partner, dreams of unification 39:40 - 42:00 your hopes can hurt you 42:00 - 42:45 Oprah's fantasy 42:45 - 45:30 How much of you is still 16? 45:30 - 46:45 Love and fake transcendence 46:45 - 48:00 Trying to get up into Mum 48:00 - 50:05 YES LOVE, but dont be Mitya Karamazov 50:05 - 51:05 A "lighter love" 51:05 - 56:05 Aesthetics/vampires/Nephilim 56:05 - 1:01:59 humanitys suicide pill: pleasure Please give this a like

@recoveringsoul755

2 жыл бұрын

you should PIN this comment

@princessinaworldofevil

2 жыл бұрын

Will you be visiting the u.s.a anytime soon ? I think you are the only one who can help me and my teen daughter with a very unique trauma. I know people always say that but even you would be mortified. I’m not bragging just trying to explain. We both need help badly. I could fly us out too see you whatever the cost. If only you can see us how do I do that online, I’m just scared that online might not work

@princessinaworldofevil

2 жыл бұрын

@Nightstar Sparrow thank you for the link. Have a blessed safe day

@ajwhalen2

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve been thinking along similar lines of thought recently but every time I’ve gone down this road I’ve gotten loads of past voices coming down on me about being judgemental. You’re brilliant in your ability to concisely and clearly explain, and make something difficult for me to understand easier. Thankyou so very much. Oh and loving the “Loving Inner Guide” course and now I’m finally changing the voices in my head. Thankyou Thankyou so grateful man🙏😌

Why do we obsess over someone who was so vile and horrible this is what hurts my head and confuses me the most out of everything . And thank you as I really think you’ve the most understanding x

@billiemurphy291

Жыл бұрын

We obsess over someone so vile and horrible because we cannot believe there are people who actually are vile and horrible. In my case I have put it down to experience and use it to look out for red flags

I’ve watched your videos for about two years. Always valued them. But, this one, by far, is THE BEST EVER.. it is incredible. It affirmed and unblocked simultaneously. Just what I’ve needed for a very long time. Much is exactly what I’ve been thinking but didn’t dare voice it as the world seems so pc and easily offended. Bloody hell... so refreshing and such a relief to hear you speak this stuff. Thanks Richard.

@TheRobynhud

2 жыл бұрын

Agree . Will re watch once a week. Ha ha

Holy shit this video is AWESOME!!!! 😂👏🏻👏🏻 I’ve spent 17yrs with a narc off and on and recently just went no contact 3 weeks ago. I’ve been “obsessing” over this crap and LOVE that I realize I’m just in denial. I’m over the denial, I’m processing this and moving forward. This video is gold 🙌🏻 THANK YOU!

God I needed this. Thank you. "They never loved you. Accept reality. Grieve it. It will hurt, quit trying to avoid pain. Quit trying to be positive and gain some cynicism. Hoping for things that will never happen, so sometimes hope can be dangerous. Stop with the delusions." YES!!!! Thank you Richard!

Thanks for "slapping me" into reality. The dragging a dead corpse analogy was powerful. I actually had a few good laughs from your presentation...deep laughs.

@davelamore6309

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Janet

Richard, I just broke up a couple weeks ago and you helped me see my ex and my relationship clearly. Your insight and this video in specific opened my eyes on many things. I am beyond happy that I found this out at the age of 21, and I'm so thankful you shared all of it. Wishing you the best mate

This video is priceless genius for healing from narcissist abuse. Thank you Richie for the harsh sword of truth.

Of all the lies I have heard "I love you" was my favorite.

@sarahbeee

2 жыл бұрын

Great comment. That is probably the single lie we all loved and held onto. It kept us coming back to the hope that the drama could be worked through and the other person would actually consistently show it through their actions at some point. Woe unto all who fell for that line.

@chillierdavro

2 жыл бұрын

@@sarahbeee thank you for feeling the meaning of this comment, most people think my cynicism knows no bounds and I'm beyond all hope lol

@mariellencarter5108

2 жыл бұрын

Brilliant.

@sarahbeee

2 жыл бұрын

@@chillierdavro lol Same for me! I probably am beyond all hope! Call me a cynical pessimist, if you like. I call it a realist. Lol

@itsaplantlife9850

2 жыл бұрын

It comes out when he feels me pulling away. I haven't said it back in years.

I heard something that really stuck with me. 'You will never allow another to abuse you beyond the point you abuse yourself!'. In other words our own self worth dictates what we tolerate. There are lines. We punish ourselves instead of taking decisive action against those who harm us. The past and all Actions against us cannot be changed and they belong in the past. Walk past them and start everyday as a new beginning. Cut the cords that bind because no one can heal you but yourself. Step away from the past and start over today. Blessings to ALL love yourself enough to heal your heart and mind before you give your heart to anyone else. Otherwise you literally attract more trauma, abuse and heartache✨

@shaunnatrawick3480

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for that. It hit just where it needed to....in my Soul🙏🏾👏🏾💪🏾😔

@marytyler3212

Жыл бұрын

Just what I needed to hear xx

It's pretty amazing how all of this resonates. No one deep dives like this. I'm so grateful to come across this information. It's so sad that manifesting, tarot readings, LoA, and "the evil narcissist is evil af" videos is what is taught and embraced over this invaluable, life saving information. Thank you so much.

My mother always said “one day you’ll thank me for our family sick sense of humor”, now I understand @ 33yrs old. Never lose your sense of humor.

as soon as i understood that the relationship never existed in the way i thought it did moving on was EASY because you cant be upset or hold on to anything that wasnt real.

@recoveringsoul755

2 жыл бұрын

I realize I fell in love with an illusion

@Moonstruck212

2 жыл бұрын

@@recoveringsoul755 I did too..and he was great at it until The Mask fell

@montys420-

2 жыл бұрын

We are great at only seeing what we want to see and ignoring the things we don't.

@leod6905

2 жыл бұрын

@@montys420- we were perfect targets for them

@cazadoo339

2 жыл бұрын

Moving on isn't easy, when you realise they used you you are now full of sadness that it wasn't real and you've lost 11 years you can't get back, confusion , anger towards yourself and them

YES! This chat confirms a lot of heavy issues I have had to sort out are real and valid and I'm healing. Sometimes I feel ridiculous for having spent 15 years grieving the fact I was an unloved child. I'm so happy that corpse is gone and my life can bloom!

@TheMurray1922

2 жыл бұрын

I am so, so glad for you too!

@dmc1806

2 жыл бұрын

@@emp9413 beautifully presented word's of clarity. You explained alot for me in that statement 💯percent 👏

Spot on. I love this video. I attended some Shamanic courses on how to grieve and how to acknowledge the pain and honour it because there are valuable lessons within it. Then to let it go instead of carrying it around yes like a dead corpse leaving us internally dead and depressed. Thankyou!

Possibly, Your Best Ever - I truly needed this exact message - I'm still alive, time to take this mess of my life & my illusion of reality & senseless hope & denial & move beyond this despair, NOW!! Thank You!! 💖

It feels so good to hear you speak the brutal truth. Nobody does this anymore and I miss it. Thank you, keep it coming, please

@christiandavidsonlamore6301

2 жыл бұрын

Hello

@Nephthys-ness

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely

@misstmemrs

2 жыл бұрын

Learn to seek God.

@ballerina5876

2 жыл бұрын

He is excellent!!! I feel a punch in my stomach.I even started imagining cave people and how they survived.

@seriouscat2231

Жыл бұрын

@@misstmemrs, the first step to do that in the comments to Richard's video is to explain to everyone the meaning of Original Sin. Christianity presupposes that God is the source of all being, the source of all truth and the source of willpower exerted towards that truth, namely love. And the Original Sin is the turning away from that. Original Sin is first insanity and then moral evil, but because people don't know God as Truth, they only focus on the moral evil.

The first thing my brain wanted to do was deny everything Mr. Grannon was saying. I wouldn't let it though. Because what he is saying has been true for myself. Over the past few months, I had finally allowed myself to think this thought. Because I knew it was true. I could see it through the other person's actions, despite what they said with their mouth. And this person wasn't even diagnosed as NPD. They had a different diagnosis (or so they told me). I am now having days where I can get up and go on about my business and not have them constantly pop into my head throughout the day. The one difference that allowed me to face the thought that they never loved me was that I stopped allowing myself to speak ill of them. And that was a sign I was ready to invite self love into my life. If I'm too busy talking ill of others, I am disallowing self love to appear. I wasn't taking care of myself because I was stuck in the endless loop of hating what I had no control over.

@jenniebaker5299

2 жыл бұрын

@socialdistancingon Denial is futile 😂 I know what you mean though, it's hard to let go of the fantasy and the fixer. I have an exact day when my ruminating over them stopped....it was strange. I know people that have horrible names for their ex's and I think it keep's them stuck! 💜

@socialdistancingon8333

2 жыл бұрын

@@jenniebaker5299 it really does. Love always wins. You just have to figure out which type of love is appropriate to apply in whatever situation you're going through.

@jenniebaker5299

2 жыл бұрын

@@socialdistancingon8333 You are spot on, appropriate love, even letting go of someone should be done with love.

@angelafalsetta9114

2 жыл бұрын

You revealed a lot, Thank you for that. How you have processed all this so far is incredible perception and progress very quickly. I am in this for 4 years...and never thought these positive and promoting concepts of self-healing...as you have so early on in the recovery process. Well said here!

@socialdistancingon8333

2 жыл бұрын

@@angelafalsetta9114 thank you.

Your candour here is so needed and refreshing to hear… thank you. Truth will set you free.

I love you so much! You're the first person to really get me laughing since the catastrophe hit the fan last year.. Thank you Richard! 🙌

Denial can kill you. Went back thinking it would be different and I guess I needed to feel more pain. Almost healed and reopened it 10 fold. Ruminating etc because it is such a messed up emotional unbelievable mind f***. No more it does nothing to help me at all. Wallowing in self pity for my own stupidity. Denial!!!! Thank you so much for putting in our face we all need to hear it. You have helped me immensely.

It's hard enough to bury a loved one in the physical sence. But having to bury the death of your emotions for someone that claims to love you and who you loved over and over is never-ending. And they know it! That is what is sick and makes someone they abuse this way sick in every way a person can be sick. I learned this years ago. So when I realized what was happening to me, I stopped grieving. He was dead the day I met him.

Loved this so much! Truth bombs mixed with class Richard ranting. Had me both crying and cracking up laughing!

that was really awesome Richard. We need more if these brutal truths in our lives. Really puts things into perspective. Make more vids like this please!!

unable to lose the idealised parent, unable to relinquish the object who holds all hope. unwilling to feel the pain of being unloved or feeling unloveable , or separated from the maternal womb.

@kimberleyb4002

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve been working on being that for myself. I practice feeling unconditional loving kindness and compassion from nature and random kindnesses I’ve experienced or feel toward pets, children. I just hold on to that and it’s growing each day. All the best!

@OneWhoKnowz

2 жыл бұрын

Yes that’s how I forgave my mom. She was not able to lovr me the way I need she did what she could and for that I’m thankful. I’m learning to love myself and heal the wounds and codependency

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Your only hope is... You... And your amazing future... And... Hey... There are more people on earth... Just grab somebody... Yeh🌎😁🙋‍♀️💆‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♂️

@sterlingray3982

2 жыл бұрын

Ramana Maharshi's teachings saved my sanity when the narc mother discarded me 3 yrs ago.

It was your video about Covert Narcissists that broke me out of the cognitive dissonance I had been living in for so very long. I then watched your video about How to know that you are in a abusive relationship and you pulled me from the confusion that was my life for 20 years. Thank You for what you do Richard.

I want to hear you multiple times. There is so much to absorb in each word, each sentence you say. So much wisdom. 🙏

I love your brutal honesty. Reality check for me. I needed to hear you. Thank you!

When my 20 year old son died of an adult sudden death, the doctor wanted to give me Prozac !! I was disgusted, and yes, grieving was so tough but I lived through it without meds...

@christiandavidsonlamore6301

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Sarah

@jacquelineleigh4182

2 жыл бұрын

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@tatyruru

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

@christineplaton3048

2 жыл бұрын

@Sarah Anne Lowe, so many people reaching for the crutch, the self medication or booze, drugs. It's true that we should feel... process the pain. Let it be a springboard for growth. It takes time, this isn't fast work. I read it takes five to six years to get beyond the major crisis. We do need others in our lives, but not to be in the midst of others needlessly whining. These types of support groups stagnate. I like this utube video way to get our act together...then get out and have heathy interactions and companinship. It's difficult to be wounded, and the psych wounds are very real. I learned to go from nice quiet accepting lady to exactly as Richard describes, in similar fashion, I let my words rip. Rendered, just as he described. This is a tremendous message with great implications. Thanks to all our Utube community.

I agree with you. its my narcissist family. I have to come to the conclusion that my family doesn't love me. Its been very painful and I have grieved.... I have grieved alone for a long time now..... Thank you. looking at the truth that they don't don't love me and accepting it has been the most painful thing and shook me to my core. It does feel like a death. I am going to die and lose everything at some unknown time, would rather let this go and enjoy the wonder of life, Im ready to drop the corpse. thank you. I loved them. I am ready to regroup, stand and fight and face my demons again.

@athenathepooppooppoop8593

2 жыл бұрын

Wonderful comment. You have a friend here and touched many others. Thank you and good luck! ❤️👍🦌

@melanieparis8697

2 жыл бұрын

💝💝💝💝

@Sleeping_Wolf

2 жыл бұрын

@@athenathepooppooppoop8593 Thank you

This has helped me more than ANYTHING ELSE I have tried! 💪🏻. I have been SO stuck and SO lost. Now I see my way forward. Thank you, Richard. I hope you have a wonderful life.❤️

@angelahazel9249

2 жыл бұрын

Same here!

Amazing and absolutely core true content. Feeling huge appreciation for stambling upon this video, for your work and for your authentic expression. Makes me feeling hopeful for humanity and what we are once again. Love and light 💛

"We've lost faith in our resilience..." so pretty much we're gaslighting ourselves now that the narcissists aren't here to help us with that lol...

@Ikaros23

2 жыл бұрын

You can`t gaslight yourself. The voice in your head is the brainwashing/gaslighting. This is not your " voice" but a destortion. This destortion is " shame". Shame is seeing yourself with " the others eyes". self hatred and judgement, is the shame. And if you trace it you often can find that the " voice" in your head started with a comment from a outsider. This is logical. Think if you where living in a vacum and there where only you in the whole universe. There would be no shame. The reason for this is that shame comes from outside of your own body/mind, and you internalise the shaming in your own mind. When you build up the " skill" of self-love, self respect, self care. You see the truth. The truth is that we where brainwashed to belive that these 3 vital skills where something we needed from the outside of our self. But reality is that " love" from a external source is not the same as " mental health" or " sanity". Love from external source is just a stimuli. But self-love is a SKILL. that is you can learn it. And you can`t learn it from someone else. You can stopp the voice in your head ( the gaslighting, shame, self hatred), by learning these 3 skills. One day at a time. One action at the time. And over time you gain confidence. The obsession with the narcissist is the co-dependency and a mental illness, and the self-care of stopping with this madness is our own responsibillity. That is going to therapy, meditasjon, eating healthy, have sleep hygiene ( sleeping at regular hours), exercising, and the most important. Creating healthy boundarys. And CUTTING TOXING PEOPLE OUT OF OUR LIFE.

@pinkmoon831

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ikaros23 really interesting I hadn't thought about it like that, thanks!

@carinapettersen5454

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ikaros23 Soo thrue 🙏🏻

@ricoco7891

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ikaros23 You're so on point, but one thing you said has really clicked with me. I think I wanted to cling onto my last relationship because I somehow felt and believed that this person's love was somehow essential to my life. You saying that love from another person is love from an external source really just made me realize that it is not necessary at all for survival and happiness. I know you didn't mean it as such and in this context, but its a piece of clarity I really needed, so still, thank you. The stimuli I received from another person is by no means a necessary thing for me to have.

Agreed. Yet the subconscious doesn’t always let go as quickly as the conscious mind, even with grieving. A process for sure.

@missy2543

2 жыл бұрын

I find that meditating and journaling, along with Richard's "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" course really help the unconsious mind to keep up. I was scared to do it at first, I was rationalising and compartmentalising because I didn't want to face extreme sadness and pain. But I can assure you that once you decide to try it, it's like a whole weight has been lifted, and you are free. My nightmares have not reappeared.

You are such a gift to this world! Thank you so much! I teared up and laughed all at the same time!

Absolutely LOVE this BRILLIANT, yet sad and true, rant.

Great video as usual Richard. The prime of my life gone to someone who never truly cared for me. No more though Taking my life back at 40

@davelamore6309

2 жыл бұрын

Hi

@estereatlikeyagranny9752

2 жыл бұрын

Nice x

@estereatlikeyagranny9752

2 жыл бұрын

And good luck xx freedom is freedom x

@timbodnar6711

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!

@davelamore6309

2 жыл бұрын

@@timbodnar6711 hope you are safe from the virus?

The "well, I'm not dead so 😁" answer has been my standard answer through many hard times. I have always held myself to the standard of my ancestors. I know they were incredibly tough, and I am not going to let them down. 💪 But you are right, I am still grieving the corpse of a person who never existed, ridiculously stupid waste of time.

THIS video... life changing! Thank you, Richard.

Love this. The part about grieving is so true. I needed to be reminded about how important it is to grieve and not dance around it, trying to avoid the process. It's great listening to someone who throws more F bombs than I do. My language...Thank you

Ive been following you forever. This was the ish that needed to be said.

@mamandapanda185

2 жыл бұрын

I love his truth bombs.

@whiteraven8883

2 жыл бұрын

My thoughts exactly 💯

@LucianoTestiPaul

2 жыл бұрын

Yesss

@soundofnylon6208

2 жыл бұрын

Been respectfully and thoughtfully following Richard for probably 8 years. It's a journey but ai haven't been let down or been betrayed, I consider him a mentor although a virtual one

Lol slept with evil. Honestly hard to meet someone new knowing...I wasted years holding on but once I let myself grieve I was able to heal and move on. Let go it feels great.

@christiandavidsonlamore6301

2 жыл бұрын

Hello how are you doing my friend

Dear Richard, I can’t thank you enough for the extraordinary fortitude your videos have / are giving me at a most difficult time in my life learning to negotiate the REALITY of my relationship with a narcissist. The accuracy of definition, and scenarios of behavioural patterns I have been struggling with and trying to fathom, sadly, essentially remaining no more than a ‘ Cat on a hot tin roof’, your videos have defined so accurately they could have been made for me alone! The STRATEGIES you share, along with your ‘point blank’ directness in moving through the steps required to be truely free of a parasitical connection with a person to whom, as you say, you are ‘not whom they tell you you are to them’ and I think ultimately, the realisation that my own journey, particularly arcing back to the most formative years of my life, is at the ROOT of why I have continued to accept the behaviour of a person who is as ‘arch’ and omnipotently engorged with NPD as any person of heart , love, and empathy could possibly continue to try and believe in, is the key to understanding this lack of emotional esteem and breaking the door down into my personal ‘room 101’ , daring to face the idea that a better personal and intimate life is possible. I continue to work with my psychologist and have the blessing of a strong inner circle of friends, and along with your videos I’m in the process of breaking this dangerous ‘syndrome’ and facing the facts; Despair Grief. And I hope… Meeting ‘myself’ again, and maybe one day, a relationship where ‘equal exchange’ is the joy we can share. Thank you Richard. Bless you for your direct ‘Voice’ in sharing your insights, and my personal gratitude that is more than you will ever know. You work has HELPED me enormously. Paul. Melbourne, Australia.

Hey Richard, I just have to say after listening to a large number of your videos, this had to be one of the best. Here’s to feeling pain, hanging our balls in the face of the adversity and moving on. Keep up the good work. You’re helping people out here. Thanks mate!

"I'll never get those years back" (illogical reason to hang on, due to investment); "They never loved you" (feeling emotionally deprived equates with self shame); Grieving is resisted, because it's familiar, and nobody wants to go there. Nobody welcomes pain. You're right, on all points. Trying to rationalize a belief that they loved you keeps you hooked on attempting to define how you failed in love, or that the love you gave did not generate love in return.

@Moonstruck212

2 жыл бұрын

Truth is; the hardest for me is that they want Love so badly...even saying I love you with such ease..When they mouth those Words..they lie...we just don't want to believe it..The words..are the lie...We know how to Love thank God....and we all do everyday❤

@cwoermann2687

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing you are definitely not alone 🙂 And cudos for stating your truth!

@ruthannscanzillosmusicmusi5389

2 жыл бұрын

@@Moonstruck212 That's what keeps us hooked, though. For four years, I believed with all my heart that he needed more love than anybody else I'd ever known. I still believe it. But, facing that I was not loved was equally hard.

I can not thank you enough. Seeing you from 2016 to now has transformed my life and countless others. So much love your way Richard, a proud supporter of you I am. ❤️❤️💯

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Is that... Your picture?... 😁🤔🐕

Just want to say I am so so glad I came across this channel! I FINALLY feel like I have the ability to move forward.

Thank you for sharing, Richard! Everything you have said is on point! Grieving the lost time! The person I loved was a fake. It's like you put money in a savings account and then after almost twenty years, you go to withdraw and there is nothing there! I knew what was happening but didn't or couldn't at that time accept the truth! I've been told that I should forgive Him......Forget that shit! The only person I should forgive is myself. Not just from my former spouse but family members, I have been carrying around this yoke on my neck! Now I've learned to accept what has happened to me and I have decided to cut anyone off who doesn't fill my cup! I'm teaching my young adult daughter the same thing! The world can be a cruel place and I know evil when I see it. Thank you so much for your videos!

one year ago today she walked, and as i am one of those in my 60's and up until 62 minutes ago i just couldnt let it go. thank you Richard for finally making me understand and now i can go on and enjoy what i have left. yes i wish i had walked 28 years ago cause the love bombing lasted for 4 years and i have a great 31 year old son, but now after losing a whole 365 days i can say i am finally free, again thank you cause i now have my self respect back cause i tbagged my demons today.

@margaretbishop7001

Жыл бұрын

🙌🙌 go live your best life

I actually came to that conclusion by myself: This person never loved me and will never love me. And actually, it helped me to move forward. Because I am looking for love, reciprocated love, and where I was, I was not being celebrated. Being there was more painful than being by myself. I felt so alone, confused, neglected and not safe in that connection. Now, I am at peace, happy, my life got a bust of abundance because I stopped focusing in a dead end.

You just explained everything that is afflicting me. Thank you!

Thank you so much Richard -- you are a gem. I'm having a good laugh at myself and at Richard as I continue to heal from my 7-year roller coaster ride with a classic narcissist. But I had to go through a period of crying every day for 3 months. Phew!!!

@iankclark

2 жыл бұрын

And yeah, it was a fucking catastrophe.

You have helped me more than ANY other super smart dude. My hat is off to you, champion truth spiller🙏

I used to look up my narcissist ex a lot and blame everything on him, even if he was no longer in my life. So much wasted time back when I had so much energy before burnout. But now, I worked so hard to just be who I want to be and do what I love to do. It is liberating to know that he never loved me, and I remind myself regularly, because that means that real love treats me well, respects my boundaries, doesn't think I'm wrong and win't leave me for asserting myself.

Holy shit I love you. I can follow lectures and read all of the books I want, but I’ve taken more from you in this video because you’re Relatable. Thank you SO much for being real. Bless your heart and soul!

I absolutely loved the video, laughed so much. We need more of that!

What should be central to our lives? Acknowledging, unapologetically, the damage we've done to ourselves and others through our distorted beliefs and actions and working together to heal ourselves. Sounds pretty simple, lol.

Thank you. Makes me feel better about the fact that I’ve been grieving for the past 2 1/2 years realizing that my parents and husbands never loved me; that I was only used to being at the service of narcissistic people in my intimate relationships. My parents even took my husbands sides. So painful, and some days I can’t even leave the house. The heaviness and pain feels like it’s in my bones sometimes. It gives me hope that this is part of the process of getting healthier. It’s not that there’s something “wrong” with me for feeling this heaviness. Thank you 🙏🏼

@tanyacarlyle1422

Жыл бұрын

Same. It’s a painful reality to wake up to this truth. Wishing you lighter days ahead on your healing journey 🙏

I LOVE how raw and true this is! No sweet little pat on the back, It's exactly what I needed to hear. THANK YOU Richard for being bold enough to say everything raw!

You are spot on. “Conflict in just being.” Cracks me up. Lesson, face up like your ancestors did, it is in your genetics. Grieve your losses, give up unrealistic hopes, accept your mistakes, don’t stop living. Taking up for yourself, and causing ripples in others lives to bad so sad. Not even agency of slave, we are just crop. That is terribly frightening.

Richard, you are AWESOME! There is no one like you, in delivering the truth, psychological and philosophical, as you do, with such to the point comparisons!! I am refreshed and renewed every time I listen to you, God bless you!!

Holy shit babe: my life changed DRASTICALLY within 24 hours of paying and starting DAY 1 of Breaking the Trauma Bond course. I’ve been busy working: I went back to work. And things are different.

@davelamore6309

2 жыл бұрын

Hello how are you doing my friend

YOU ARE LITERALLY SO REAL AND ITS REFRESHING- Ty💜

I've been loving your videos so much. Not because I'm still dragging the narcissism corpse behind me, but because I'm swinging it over my head and slamming it into ground. Your anger and your despair is VALIDATING. I'm NOT "healed" or "over it," I'm in the same place you are. And believe you me, I'm "TOO MUCH" for the people around me. And you know what? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I'm finding every sick think in my life and rooting it out and and throwing it in the trash and I don't CARE how many people I piss off. If I piss them off by speaking truth? Then they needed to be pissed off. And you know what? I desperately need to hear voices like yours screaming the same things I hear in my head ALL DAY LONG. Because if people hear people like you and feel like they're not alone in their rage, more people will start screaming their truth too. And I think you're right. I think we need to despair as a collective and slam the lies, manipulation, and fucking shiny distractions as far into the ground as our total weight can muster. Because you know what? The more I scream and grieve, and considered insane by those who think they know what "good mental health" looks like, the lighter I feel and the more empowered I am to state what I will and will not accept in my life. You know what else? I'm nowhere NEAR done. I have a lifetime to release myself from and I'm FINE not knowing how long its going to take. It takes how ever long it takes because if I'm not doing this, I might as well be dead. Keep making yourself heard. Inspire others. Inspire an army to beat the shit out of this poisoned earth until all the rot is gone....and the only thing left underneath is love. For ourselves, for each other, and for the world we need to heal. Actually, don't inspire an army. Inspire a flood.

@Loriburnett

11 ай бұрын

Wow!! I hear ya!!

I really do love this video Richard. Realising the person I was with was incapable of loving to the depths that I am capable of, that the love I thought we had was an illusion has been both destroying and rebuilding. It has taken me 5 months to properly grieve the death of my fantasy, and that loss and clarity took to me to the edge of madness and devastating sadness. 2 films come to mind, Bill and Ted, the scene when they are falling into the abyss and realise there's not much point still screaming and Rocky 1, this relationship had me on the ropes, battered and bruised, but I'm coming back swinging, looking for Adrian. Despair felt like my heart was physically being ripped from my chest at times, but I let it go and it came back fixed, Kintsugi style. Facing the truth after years of denial is painful but worthwhile. Many thanks Senor Grannon 💜

Wow Richard, you’re so on point, thank you deeply

This randomly appeared in my YT feed tonight and it was much needed, Thank You ❤️

Your channel is the only thing keeping me sane right now. So thank you for all that you do.

Waking from the dream spell and becoming conscious by seeing the illusions.

@davelamore6309

2 жыл бұрын

Hello how are you doing my friend

Looking good Richard! Keep doing what you do. You're saving people!

@Moonstruck212

2 жыл бұрын

Always❤

This was awesome!!!! I needed this today! More please❤

NOW YOU are the kind of counselor I want! I can shut up and listen to you!!! Your making a lot of sense and it’s coming from a man who’s had his own challenges that you’ve had to go through And work that shit out . Thanks for Be an extremely honest.

"Learn to cry and despere, like an adult" YES

Brilliant rant, thank you! Take heart in that there are still people who face it head on, swear, laugh and live anyway, I do know a few. Just don't think they hang around on tube much!

@picklep9812

2 жыл бұрын

I am often complimented on my ability to self reflect and I didn’t understand why it was a gift until watching this. It put me in perspective for myself

What brilliant thoughts! Wow! We really need your analysis. So grateful.

I needed to hear this said this way today. Thank you!!

I can honestly say I have freed myself from this obsession, but yes, it took me years. Stumbling upon this video today…I feel nothing but gratitude for these hard lessons, my strength and fortitude to get through it all. Grieving is healing. Thank you Richard for your tough love and honesty. I would not be where I am today without your guidance.

Yup, grieving after a narcissistic mother who never actually loved you is just......... but is TRULY freeing

@mudskippa8958

2 жыл бұрын

How do you do this? I accept who my mother is after not knowing for 35 years. I have gone low contact. I would expect grief to come knowing that she doesn't love me at all. But it doesn't. It's just a fact, not a feeling. I want to grieve and feel pain and let the sadness come and then burn out, but it just doesn't surface. :/

2 жыл бұрын

@@mudskippa8958 it's impossible to dive there alone, this sadness and despair of mother wound is too deep to handle on your own. you need to seek professional help especially regressive therapy, somathic therapy + psychoanalysis at best. fingers crossed for you my love 🤗🤗

@mudskippa8958

2 жыл бұрын

@ Thank you. Wishing you well in your freedom.

2 жыл бұрын

@@mudskippa8958 freedom is for you too! good luck

@christineplaton3048

2 жыл бұрын

Wrozka Sikora, be careful here. Some mothers are suffering because of the punishing psyche abuse, and they love you more than you will ever know. Try to make sure you evaluated the situation properly.

Enjoyed that so much!!! I will listen to it on repeat whenever I need to! Thank you !!

A therapist told me during my divorce from a narcissist years ago that in order to heal from the grief, I needed to wallow in the pain. That lesson has served me well. Recovering now from a 5-year relationship with a narcissistic friend. His kindness mask is so powerful that i didn’t see devaluation and discard coming. This philosophy you’re sharing today is on point, something we all need to hear, we’re stronger than hell because we’ve been through f***ing catastrophes before, worse ones. I’ve cried, now I’m putting the pain down. Yes, I am