the roleplaying and rephrasing you do is invaluable. i've been actively trying to reparent & reframe things for years, but it can be hard to even imagine what a healthy response would be because of the severe lack of good modeling. i really try to catch myself if i mess up & go back to the person and try again because i think it's important that we all try to at least allude to good modeling so that we can collectively expand our imaginations in this way. maybe even create generational healing more often than we create generational trauma

I had a "Bilal of the world" as a partner. I tried talking to them about something, they really hurt me, and refused to admit it. By being understanding, calm, kind, and attuned to them, I got them to a point of admitting that they really wanted to be a good partner, and whenever they were told they were less than perfect (i.e. they hurt my feelings), they could not take it (cause again, they deeply wanted to be a perfect partner). Guess who never got a proper apology for the transgressions, despite all the kindness, and was yelled at the very next day "you just want to hate me because you have to maintain the facade that you are perfect!". They didn't understand after calming down how this was just Some of the Bilals of the world are a bottomless pit, and you can't "fix" them. You can try if you want to, but that will eat up your life and you. They have to want the help, and they need a good professional. IT'S NOT YOUR JOB. Be nice, try, but it's not your responsibility, keep that in mind, be clear with yourself on what you are putting in and why.

Hi dr Honda! The clip at 41:00 really touched me about how boys should be able to cry. Would love if this bit was a KZread short clip that mothers like the one mentioned in this video could reference and send to their sons to break the cycle of men suppressing their feelings due to toxic masculinity.

@welbeckmanor2554

Жыл бұрын

yes!! such a useful (and easy to digest) segment!

Hi Dr. Honda! Question about your first segment- I frequently practice speaking from my feelings when communicating with my abusive father, but will be met with further hurt. For example, I will say something like “when you said/did x, it really hurt my feelings” and he will laugh/scoff or repeat the phrase back in a mocking way, or say something like “you deserved it”. What can be done in situations like this where the approach doesn’t work and is met with hostility? He is not open to family therapy or any therapy based communication tools, boundary setting, etc.

@nursetinalouise

Жыл бұрын

Firm boundaries and get away

@endtimescommunities

Жыл бұрын

"limited contact and no expectations with him, and learn to "re-parent yourself with loving parent" or go no contact. He sounds like he may have narcisstic tendencies???

@nicoler5511

Жыл бұрын

@@nursetinalouise Trapped in the situation for complicated reasons, looking for how to approach this personality communication-wise!

Thank you so much dr kirk for all your work, I can see a change in myself and are on a good path to break the chain of trauma.

This was so informative. It truly helps to make sense of the world and clarity in yourself and others. I appreciate the time and care you take to help us out here in this challenging world. Thankyou.

Watching this video while on a walk around my neighborhood. Didn’t expect to start crying around 37:40. I really hope i can make such a big difference

@gillian2325

Жыл бұрын

ugh me too

@dotthepenguin9348

Жыл бұрын

I’m crying too! I’m so proud of us!

IMHO: This is an excellent teaching video. Thank you Dr. Honda. And I totally agree with you that it's normal for men to cry. And I disagree with the cultural socialization of boys and men not to cry. It's not healthy. We all need to cry more, men and women. Sis Sharine.

Healthy cryers unite!

Gotta love it whenever Dr K drops the "f-bomb" because it shows that he means business!

Good content, lets do a topic one day on dopamine and activities that influence it, via cold water submersion, drugs of course, sex, exercise at differing intensities and what activities and dopamine stacking and how dopamine varies and goes up and down below baseline.

@SEOshogun

Жыл бұрын

This is an interesting suggestion! Have you ever looked at the happy brain podcast? She talks about things like that.

@Auriflamme

Жыл бұрын

Dr. Honda is not an expert on brain chemistry, dopamine, etc. What would he be able to say about the subject that a biologist wouldn't find overly simplistic? I'm curious as to why you would ask a clinical psychologist about hormones and hormone regulation.

Do you try to evade politics on your channel to not lose audience. I'm very interested in psychology academia political biases(which is very okay and understandable) . What do you think of Charles Murray and Linda S Gottfredson? What do you think of Jordan B Peterson? Ia there a "culture war" in psychology academia? This is the impression I have. I think philosophycal politics is everywhere in our life. Universities can't escape it. Everyone has political biases. Unbiased sources does not exist when it comes to human nature. ps: are you aware some of us are just listening to the Audio while jogging or playing video games? pps: KZread deleted 80% of my comment edit for some reason.

@sophielesher8002

Жыл бұрын

he says something political in like 90% of the videos these days

It's very frustrating when you express how you feel (truly) and the "Bilals of the world" just go "well, but I feel like you are stupid" T.T

I will work harder at defining my questions. I was trying to say that I thought that Jenny and Sumit were describing codependency, and I don't understand codependency well enough, and I thought you were basing your idea that it wasn't codependency on the other situation with the parents visiting. I was hoping you could elaborate more on the hallmarks that would make it codependency vs not codependency.

Is it rare that a person can’t mentally put themselves in another’s shoes and respond in a way that supports this person or partner? l am concerned some simply can’t do this kind of mental thinking. They lack cognitive empathy…despite having loads of emotional empathy and crying with you.

@nursetinalouise

Жыл бұрын

In autism world, it’s called lack of perspective taking and yes, IME some people are fully incapable.

an exceptionally helpful video - thanks so much!

37:25 That would be very helpful reel/short

Did you watch the new love is blind episode!

Are you sick? If you are, get well soon, and I hope you are not feeling pressured to work if you would rather stay in bed.

Shaeeda wasn't going anywhere!😂🤣 She is very superficial and wants whatever he has.