Undiagnosed BPD woman over here! Your series on BPD abuse convinced me to finally go to therapy. I've been hurting for so long. I always find a way to create inconsistencies in my marriage and I'm over it. Does the suffering ever end?.. I feel chronic pain and it seems as if I'm not able to be joyful for some time.. sadness always finds a way to destroy my good and fun times. I've been emotionally and physically abused throughout my childhood. My heart goes out to every person struggling with BPD, as well as romantic partners and loved ones. We deserve to be better. Thank YOU Dr. Honda

A possible idea for therapy recommendations would be to have a video discussing types of therapy and conditions they are typically used to treat.

Thank you for pointing out how useless it is to restrict a partner's social circle. The fact is that there is no amount of preventative measures you can take to keep someone from cheating on you if that's what they want to do. Either your partner is a trustworthy person or they aren't and if they aren't you have to decide if you're willing to try to repair the relationship or not. Telling them what kind of friends they can have doesn't protect you from infidelity.

Hi Dr. Kirk, been watching your videos for 4 years by now :) For me (I’ve also been diagnosed with BPD) the most transformative phrase you’ve said was:

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whenever people bring up "false rape accusations," it's important to keep a few things in mind. Sure, there's the idea that someone with borderline personality disorder might be more likely to make a false claim, but the reality is that folks with BPD are way more likely to actually be raped or assaulted themselves. The conviction rates for rape are insanely low - less than 1% of rapes lead to a felony conviction with jail time. For other felonies, the conviction rates are much higher. At the end of the day, you're far more likely to be a victim of rape, whether you're a man or woman, than be falsely accused of it. This "false accusation" narrative is part of the cultural stigma that stops real victims from coming forward and reporting what happened to them. So whenever that topic comes up, it's crucial to mention this perspective - that the fears around false accusations are overblown compared to the realities victims face.

I've learned so much from your borderline series. I'm now questioning whether I have it, and have made an appt with a therapist. Thank you for the series!

The way AD's mom talked, in my inner circle with friends, we identify it as "YGG", short form of "You go, girl!!!". As a woman, we see this happeing a lot these days, where women support other women with some toxic positivity and enable their friends for really weird things rather than being truly suppprtive and holding each other accountable. It does not benefit anyone.

Something that helps me be kind to myself about my reactivity is remembering that I was a child when I developed these reactions. I was an emotionally neglected and abused child who was trying my best to survive. Now that Im an adult I believe that it's my responsibility to change my harmful behaviors, but I am not setting out to harm anyone. I am still doing my best to survive and sometimes leaning on old habits from childhood. I trust that the more I practice new behaviors, the less I'll lean on old habits. Additionally, using the word habits or reactions is key. If I label them as a thing I do rather than who I am, that helps me not feel like a bad person. I work to reinforce the belief that I am a person who sometimes engages in harmful behaviors. That mentality encourages me to keep trying rather than dwelling on the seemingly unchangeable label of a "bad person".

I really appreciate when you illustrate how healthy conversations!! Because when I feel triggered and struggle finding the words, I literally hear your voice in my head and ask my self: WHAT WOULD KIRK SAY? 🤣

I’m so glad you said explicitly how important it is for each person to be trustworthy when talking about security in relationships

I’m absolutely here for the complex PTSD deep dive. I have cPTSD with secondary structural dissociation (which I understand is not uncommon?) and it’s really hard to explain the dissociative aspects of this to people. A large number of people will say things about being dissociative too and then reference not remembering driving home sometimes, but I’m more talking about the thing where certain triggers will mean I have no memory of the next 2-3 days. The last time it happened I “came to” when I was sitting at my desk at work and couldn’t recall how I got there or even what day it was (I’ll have to check the computer and my phone to work out the day and time because I’ll have no idea).

Id personally be less inclined to criticize Chelsea if she wasnt doing the rounds online taking zero accountability and still playing the victim

Doc! You’re doing the Lord’s work with this series 🙏🏾… and I’m not even religious. Validating for some of us. Just thank you

I wonder if Chelsea ever watched this series and contemplates her behavior

24:27

As a person with BPD - Thank you for the covering of borderline and help breaking off toxic stereotypes. I know all people with BPD appreciate it as it causes more pain that we shouldn't have to endure.

Dr. Honda, your videos helped me to figure out what a constructive conversation was and to stop giving in to destructive conversations in my very first long term relationship a few years back. It did not stop the relationship from ending, however it helped me to understand how to communicate with my partner and my friends in a better, more emphatic and understanding way. I strongly believe that my first long term relationship ended in good terms mostly thanks to all the work I have put through applying the concepts you highlighted in your videos. I am so grateful for the knowledge you put out here on the internet because it has helped me tremendously and still continues to do so as I realize that I may have and most definitely have had some BDP aspects to my personality. Truly, your videos have such a positive impact on my life and how I see it! Thank you so so much and I hope you will continue posting whether daily, weekly, monthly or annually depending on your own personal preferred rythm.

I want to push back gently on Dr. Honda's reaction to the word "disrespect," specifically re: the example of someone not doing their share of the housework. This is a HUGE red flag for me, when people don't contribute to domestic labor. I grew up as an eldest daughter in evangelical Christian circles, and learned to value housework as an essential part of human life. I've left the vast majority of that upbringing behind, but I still adamantly believe that care tasks make the world go round, and that to shove them off on others without their consent or to treat it flippantly is the height of disrespect. We all understand food, clothing and shelter to be the most basic human needs, and people are somehow still out here undervaluing homemakers, food service workers, hospitality workers and garment laborers. We see it reflected both in wages and in how we are treated at home. Nobody eats until the person who cooked sits down. 😂 I know I'm old fashioned about this and that's weird. I'm old fashioned about very, very little, but anyone who doesn't respect the people who are doing care tasks for them is a Turbo Yikes 5000 in my book. Desiring to be respected isn't something to be dismissed as bad and I'm a little disappointed to see that attitude here. But as always, thank you for all you do. ❤ ❤❤

There’s a Dutch woman being euthanized in May because her therapist told her that there is nothing more that can be done for her BPD, they’ve exhausted treatment options and she won’t get better they said… so she’s accessing assisted suicide. Her name Zoraya Ter Beek. I feel really bad about this.