Lauren Sapala is an author, teacher, speaker, coach, and an INFJ. She is the author of The INFJ Writer (a writing guide for writers of the INFJ and INFP personality type), The INFJ Revolution, and Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers, as well as two autobiographical novels.
Lauren began working with struggling writers in 2009 when she founded the WriteCity writing group in Seattle, and then expanded the program to San Francisco in 2010. She became a full-time blogger and writing coach in 2013, and began teaching intuitive writing in 2017 to writers of the INFJ and INFP personality type. She currently teaches the Intuitive Writing method through online classes, workshops, and video courses. She blogs regularly and offers a variety of video courses at laurensapala.com.
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The discussion of being a healer doesn't apply to my sould connection with an INFJ. I'm an INFP. I like her spirit. I like her quietness. I like her speech and revealed thoughts when we talk. I can sense all 4 of her cognitive functions, and I think she's an enneagram 5 Castle. It has bothered me for months how much I like her and therefore want to talk to her and go walking with her and play sports and go to the fair, and other fun things because... She's super busy all the time, and somewhat passive about making time for a friendship. Yet, she has strengths I don't possess.
Im subconsciously attracted to ppls wounds yes :///
What if this happens between friends of the same gender? I'm telling you, it's intense. And I am constantly protecting myself from her because she has the ability to hurt me with rejection (of friendship). Imagine having to protect yourself from a person you think about often. I've even found myself telling myself she's no longer special and I don't have to care so deeply for her...because I'll just be disappointed by her lack of availability for quality time. Then, she merely turns her head and smiles at me to acknowledge I'm in the same church building and I know I will keep liking her. She offers the tiniest gestures to me to show we're still friends even if I don't get to see her for several days at a time. She's not pretty, but it doesn't matter. It bothers me how much I like her because she's busy with her family and can't always offer quality time for our friendship.
I feel like Recently discovered quantum teleportation might explain why it is that we feel this with people we’re extremely connected with. Check out a you tube video on it. It’s fascinating!
I'm 72 and am just really beginning to accept that it seems 98% of the human race don't care about self-actualization and growth of consciousness in love. My whole life has been about personal transformation. I had parents who had narcissistic traits and my initial yearning for people to face their pain and learn and grow was born out of a child's need to finally be seen and loved. I can see now that the desire to "save" people was really a way of trying to take care of myself. These last years of my life have been amazing as I learn to allow people to be who they are. A big lesson for me on what love really is. Thanks for your insights!
We sometimes "slam the door to protect the other person from our wrath"!
Yip
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Great topic! You described my life pretty well! I was a "blender" for most of my young life. I did live unconventionally in my late teens up until my late 30s when I met my ex husband. With him I lived a pretty "normal" life, other than the fact that he was much younger (17 years). Now, I'm divorced, no kids, and hoping one day to have at least a someone I can share life with, though not in the married or even live together way.
Lauren I'm so glad I found your channel. Your content is spot-on in helping me better understand myself as an INFJ. Thank you for all the good work you're doing!
Thank you
You spoke straight to my heart and provided so much clarity to why I never commit to exploring my passions. I could never put my finger on it until this video. Thank you so so much! 🙏
I wonder if INFJs make up a disproportionately large percentage of asexuals. I suspect they do.
I guess I have known about this phenomenon for a while, but this video just made me realize why I always feel like other people are so passive. I rarely feel like others say or do anything that's interesting and I have a hard time understanding what they're going on about. It's because they're actually boring! Everybody are just like everybody else and they seem fine with it.
I get basically knocked into all the time. Also at coffee shops I do this thing where I stand firm and stick my debit card in the air and make undeniable eye contact with the POS barista. Of course the first thing I hear is the person behind me going: "Are you in line?"
Hmm, this also sounds a lot like an insecure attachment style
INFJ never want to be Spotlight
It’s not the other persons job…nor is it fair for the other person to ‘figure you out’.
Ma'am can you make a video about infj and chronic fatigue
How do I tell someone that they are not allowed to emotionally manipulate me? I usually just don't allow myself to be emotionally manipulated and I end up feeling annoyed, but people seem really shocked when they realize that they weren't actually able to make me feel bad about myself.
I think my expectations are way too high. (Sigh). Btw, your hair looks amazing. I love the color and the curls.
Also father was abusive in the sense he would yell very badly when i was a child. And id get hit sometimes but nothing like some others iv heard. Was very sheltered and overprotected. Mother has mental illness and broken english so she didnt offer much emotional support though she did do all other motherly things. Funny thing is even though my father was very strict he was also the only parent i spent most of my time with. I guess i have a lot of unprocessed feelings on my parents.
Infp female here with diagnosed bpd and a few other lovely diagnosis. Relationship for me is hard. I only had one partner still with partner. He is an istp personality type but sometimes hs inability to hear my feelings or respect my feelings can be rather an issue....especially when i get triggered. Communication is better sometimes but sometimes i can get very childish and coldshoulder him for not wanting to listen. Sometimes i wonder if I'm just too sensitive and not realistic sometimes as my bpd can distort whats what. I am questioning myself often if i am even capable of having a relationship with all my excess baggage though he has a lot too...ahhhh the complications of relationships. I may be over thinking the matter. Good content anyway. 😊
Holy shit! Thank you for finally voicing my problem!!!
Thank you.
I’ve learned to decide that I can or cannot be a friend to a person, whether or not they are MY friend. It’s my decision
In my view all types are neurodivergent except INFJs and INFPs. They endured the hardness of planet Earth and continued to be healthy humans, while the other fourteen types got divergent.
I love that people are different, I just don't think it's okay to run other people over on your narcissistic journey. Self centered people (i.e. the rest of the world) seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that others might not be exactly like them.
Here's a story about a once gifted INFJ, he was told he was a genius as a child and intellectually gifted, and the stubborn INFJ spent the next 8 years in school trying to prove he wasn't. 30 years later in a dead end job..I guess he showed them lol.
YES! I brought my second one home the DAY Covid quarantine started, along with a 2.5 year old who just started to talk. The baby had reflux, my husband was traveling and I was trying to run my business still with All of this as an INFJ. I pretty much lost my sanity and no one understood
I've experienced narcissistic relationships before 😊😊😊hallelujah 🙌 praise God Devine love and light 🚦 Rastafarie is still alive 😊
Hallelujah thank God. Devine love and light 🚦 Rastafarie still lives 😊hallelujah praise God thank you Jesus Hallelujah glory to God 😊
A lot of "INFJs" are co-dependent. I'd highly recommend to stop using Myers Briggs if you want to emotionally grow
This is me exactly, I do however have my sister. When it comes to my secrets she keeps them. She is trustworthy. If she ever betrayed that I would be lost. It definitely goes both ways. Our other siblings are jealous of our bond.
Yes. Yes. And yes. Omg! So spot on.
"Studying an alien culture" 🖐
I am not a NUMBERS person...
I laughed out loud when you verbalized an INFJ tendency to not put the brakes on in a relationship by expressing, "I've known this person a month and I know they are the one." In my experience, very true. I benefit from watching your videos.
This was fascinating, I appreciate you explaining this. In my recreational experiences I have had deeper experiences than my friends, and wondered why. I've always found those experiences to be spiritually powerful and they brought up a wide range of emotions that my friends weren't expecting. I've never had a bad experience though. Life changing in a good way a few times even! But it's definitely best to take the controlled medical route rather than making risky decisions 😅
Novel then.
INFJ- and INTJ-thoughts are directly connected to Indra's net.
Phew. 😮💨 Glad I found you.
Yesssss
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Scarily me....yikes!!!
OMG that's so true about when we share an idea with someone and they later repeat the idea like they're the ones who came up with it and act as if they have amnesia when you remind them that it was your idea or your clever statement
I am an empath the day I became a reiki master my teacher who attuned me said you will now be a like a flame attracting moths. Like a moth to a flame it’s so true …I dont feel guilty about anything I haven’t done anything to deserve to feel guilty 🤷♀️ I don’t think guilt is the answer here I think ppl see how bright and shiny we are and we are great supply
I thought I've seen it all and have really gained a ton from the INFJ people out there on KZread. Well, damn.....I appreciate your blunt (may I say blatently truthful?) insight. I really wish I had access to you before I became a sigma.... Bless you!
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