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Attracted to the energy and not the container.

@lindsey2930

4 ай бұрын

Absolutely!

@sonofhibbs4425

4 ай бұрын

100%! Never understood why people ‘lust’ over ‘containers’. ..or have sex over physical attraction. I think it’s stupid as hell.

@OGK-1414

4 ай бұрын

​@sonofhibbs4425 world population would be near non existent if everyone was like us, that's why. Survival of the species.

@saramariasdotter3681

4 ай бұрын

Sad - but true!😄​@@OGK-1414

@soulsifting

3 ай бұрын

Absolutely

I’d rather be alone until I meet someone I actually want to be with and spend time with. A lot of people are in relationships just because they’re lonely or want to have the social status of being with someone.

@Ywgsuiyf

4 ай бұрын

Zillakami - Tomorrow (Slowed) I definitely want the same. LOL. Hold your own though! I know I got a lot to do for myself.

@Ywgsuiyf

4 ай бұрын

Aye dawg. Check out other countries.

INFJ here. Sapiosexual does it for me.

What I like about this channel is she reports out of her experience and studies after talking to lots of INFJ/INFP and not something she read in a book.

Yes! For me, someone can initially look physically attractive, but then they open their mouth (reveal who they are), and suddenly they are hideous to me. Or, someone can initially look a little bland, but then they open their mouth and suddenly they are gorgeous. I am drawn to Intuitives. Off-topic, Lauren, in your videos I am always fascinated by this particular background. The colours work together so beautifully, and there are so many interesting things to look at. 💜💚

Omg! I didnt realize this so common among us! Im married to an ISTP who is lust heavy and i often have to explain to him that my sexual attraction isnt a switch that turns on and off so easily and that the mental and emotional connection we share is of more value to me than the physical aspects. I could honestly live a sexless life as long as i get the emotional intimacy i need 😂

I can definitely be romantic but with the right person.

@billyb4790

2 ай бұрын

Not me. Never had a serious relationship and I’m 50 lol I’ve had plenty of women interested but I seem to be allergic to relationships. Part of its trauma I guess but I think it’s also Infj stuff.

Title : are INFJs Aromantic? Me : ofcourse they're aromatic, why else would I smell citrusy all the time 😂

I'm a demi/sapiosexual. The women I've fallen for were women that I thought were brilliant and very kind people. Now, whether the attraction was healthy or limerant is another matter altogether. Ha!

I am extremely Romantic. However, I have to have depth. It can not be traditional or shallow.

It’s my 40th birthday today, as an eternally single Infj, I believe this can apply for birthdays too, I’d rather have nothing than anything that feels like a tedious obligation. Shallow after thought, or meaningless gesture.

I have recently become aware of the fact that the woman I have been dating for the past few weeks is lovely. So this video really hit home. As far as romcoms go, most people aspire to that kind of romance but few actually "find" it. I keep thinking of a line in Sleepless in Seatle. Rosie O'Donnell's character says to Meg Ryan's character- "You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie." Every gift I give, every card I send, has to be personal; I cannot just gab something off the shelf and go.

Im an INFP male. I'm extremely romantic. But I tend to be seem as cold, probably as a defense mechaninsm, and I don't develop those feelings eassily (as others said, with the right person). But once I'm in... I want to make my partner the most special person in the world, protect her, make her the happiest person, etc. But we all (or lots of us) have our heart broken once or maybe twice, and we have to care on who we put those special feelings. Since the right person appears, I'm focusing all my romantic and positive energy into my dog and cockatiel.

I believe that we tend to feel romantic if we're really connected to that person or whenever real and strong emotions are involved, so sometimes i don't get the "love from the first sight" unless it's one of my imaginary expectations on people

The reason I don’t particularly care for Valentine’s Day or Christmas is that giving a gift on a designated day seems inauthentic and required. I’d prefer to send my wife flowers at a random time, when it’s a pleasant surprise that uplifts an otherwise dull workday. When I chose to express those feelings. Since most of society doesn’t relate to that INFJ mindset, they simply assume there was a marital “fight” between us, and my gesture toward my wife is because I’m “in the doghouse” at the moment. Couldn’t possibly be just because I have a caring heart and a good imagination. Fortunately, my wife mostly doesn’t really care what other people think, when her husband is doing something nice for her.

Thanks for speaking about this. I think it’s funny (in a sad way) how some people project their feelings about being alone on us when we’re out on our own. Couldn’t imagine needing someone just to enjoy going out.

I think part of our problem is the way we INFJs define "Personal". I don't send many Holiday/Greeting cards because it takes so much work. I've never thought much of store bought cards so, in my 20's, I decided to make my own. I bought a cheap calligraphy set and blank card stock with vaguely appropriate pictures and wrote the ditties on the inside myself. Later, I took my own pictures and built my custom cards using software. As I said, I don't send many cards but if you get one from me it is most likely one-of-a-kind. If I see it in a trash can the next time I visit, we are done!

@Dawhud

4 ай бұрын

Yep... that's me.

Lauren, Good one. Your title really triggered me so I was coming in like gang-busters to make it clear that I, as a proud INFJ, am extremely romantic....but.... then I listened. So, good for you. You brought me in. The romance, the intimacy, etc., all comes from the connection. The depth and what I call that psychic appreciation. All that other stuff is superficial. I'm older now and not partnered due to my wife's passing but I can look back and count on less than one hand some of the most beautiful, wonderful, romances I could have imagined (friends and lovers). They all had the same theme. Deep emotional connection. Ones where I found great souls who could see beyond what I call the Hallmark moments. (PS: I still have a near silly handmade Valentines day construct my wife gave me probably 30 years ago. On purpose, she made it like a child might.) Keep teaching and keep up the good work.

We are not Aromantic. Being an INFJ, I can tell that, I, personally try to find myself or try to understand myself in others, especially the romantic interest. Appearance is secondary to us, but we love an honest portrayal even the other person is evil or rude from the inside, we like to know that too.

Nailed it. I can't really fully be attracted to a woman unless she's a good person and if they have great qualities within their character. There have been moments (not kidding) where I started talking to a woman that's a "10" on the "physical" scale and she showed interest, yet there was something very wrong beneath the surface, I'm like no way. Or if she's a nasty person to me or other people she will instantly become ugly. I'll be repulsed and don't want to be around her

@mikegeorge3392

4 ай бұрын

This has happened on a few occasions for me

This hit close to home. I am an INFP, and in my 37 years I haven't been in a romantic relationship, which has made me wonder if I am aromantic. I know I used to confuse love with friendship, because I had next to none growing up. As I have gotten more friends, I have come to realize that friendship is basically my strongest emotion. It have made me realize that while I may be aromantic, I don't see myself as asexual. I am trying to find out how that will work, also because I have a need to sleep alone, and I have often been nervous that a more intimate friendship would end it. I am sure I will find the solution someday.

@technicolordreamer

3 күн бұрын

As another INFP, I can relate to this too.

It's important to lean into what we feel as our way to show love. Yes we will be pushed for the stereotypical standards, we will feel alienated, we will feel like the odd man out, but by trying to fit into something that is not ours will only make our power and confidence go away. It's all so simple - we have to avoid making our differences a crisis.

I’ve had Not ONE mainstream relationship 😇/ it’s my private island 🏝️.

I'm very independent and never depended on anyone. People have a hard time understanding that. People want to be with someone because they're lonely, and that is not deep enough.

OMG, I tried to explain to my ex that the time he gave me a pitchfork was much better than the fancy outfit and jewelry. the pitchfork just showed that he really knew me, the fancy stuff was on the advice of a friend.

INFJ here. I look for, get to know and get in touch with souls. I don't look for and don't even see bodies at all!

Excellent insights Lauren - it has taken me so long to figure this out. I naively thought everyone viewed romance and intimacy like this, that you have to feel a soul connection, so it was very disillusioning to find out this wasn't the case

(Before I watch the video) I feel I'm very romantic if there's some understanding... and can figure out what other people mignt like... but I need to feel seen to express "full romance" if that makes sense.

Hi Lauren, as an INFP I totally agree/relate. I always really appreciate your videos/newsletter. You're providing such great healing content for the INFP/INFJ tribe...Thank you!! 🤗 The way you communicate & condense all the knowledge & wisdom you have into very eloquent nuggets of reassuring gold 🌟. Keep up the excellent work 🙏🥰

"no i- i planned to be by myself" 💯 deep. Bond. The way you explain it is right on, i dont notice appearance until i *know* someone. I often say 'i dont see bodies or physical traits.' and the response i always get back '??'. (Even sine infps give me that) Infjs, we almost work backwards. It seems odd, unthinkable, to those around us, and i cant thank you enough for making it 'normal'.

We see through the prescribed ‘romance’ of Valentines or even anniversaries etc. True romance happens spontaneously, not on a prescribed day with money spent on cards, gifts, flowers etc. That’s mainly marketing not romance 😃 True romance is when the significant other acts in a way which makes us feel truly cherished in the relationship, and it’s not about gifts

On point in every aspect- especially when you mentioned being attracted/drawn to a person's essence.

I resonate with much of this. I'm an infp and know I'm ace, but have been very confused about the romance/aromantic side of things. It's as you said, the way I naturally relate to people is very different from movies but also very different from how I observe in my peers as they date and marry, etc. So it just feels confusing and I want to do my own thing and not get involved, but I still want to understand what's going on. And I want deep connections without all the expectations of filling "roles," as you said. I will add, though, that for me I can get attached to people without knowing them well. I will admit it's probably more about their energy than merely looks (tho looks still help), but for the most part it seems to be fueled more by my active imagination and internalized expectations of what I *should* want. And maybe also my fears around those expectations, which make it difficult to shake off. I really appreciate you sharing this video because I'd seen your videos about inf's in love, and since I'm aro/ace I was still left wondering whether such things applied to me or not. This video feels more relatable to me, I think.

INFJ here and I have no type. I like who I like and it doesn't depend on their looks. This video makes sense to me. Also, I tend to just become a friend in the relationship once we've become intimate and I have recently wanted to possibly change that approach.

I’m definitely a traditional, romantic as an INFP. This might be more of an INFJ type thing.

true, we're not into the mainstream culture, but we are very romantic and loving

@muma6559

3 ай бұрын

on this day, your partner gets, a rose, chocolates and a card. That should make you happy, right ! You have fulfilled the cultural obligation. ugh.. It's really nothing about your partner. It's about fitting into the crowd of other penguins.

8:15 had me cackling. My cousins think I'm weird too because I enjoy trying out new restaurants alone and going to cinemas alone.

Goodness, I thought I was crazy..I mean that seriously. Thank you for this video.

Perfect timing!! I have been in a loop of over thinking about this topic...due to personal circumstances... Thankful for this video and look forward to reading comments.

Oh. Wow, okay. And suddenly everything makes sense. 🤯 Where was this video when I was in high school and my friends were teasing me for just... not wanting to be in a romantic relationship? I tried to explain that it was just something I didn't need and, honestly, didn't want at the time, but I could always tell that in their eyes they were thinking: "Aw, poor her. What an obvious lie to hide how lovely she is. She must just not be able to get a boyfriend." But, no, that wasn't it. I had plenty of people ask me out over the years, but I always politely turned them down because they were people that I barely knew and who didn't really know me at all, and I just couldn't understand why they could possibly want to be with me without knowing me first, and there was always this disconnect. It all felt so superficial, and I just... couldn't understand why. It all seemed to work just fine for everyone else. What I wouldn't give to send this video back in time to poor, confused little high school me! 😅

really love your topics, thank you

This helps. Thanks.

This was great, Lauren. A lot of people are going to be empowered by this :-)

Thank you for helping me understand and appreciate myself more!!

I had three narcissists on my path; with two I had a relationship. Narcissists are so good in mimicking that one cannot see the spell they put upon you. 😐🌈

@BSNotAccepted

4 ай бұрын

And narcissists are very good at manipulating us INFJs.

Wow, I just came across your video after having received your book, "The INFJ Revolution" today.

Thank you for the insight. Working through identifying some issues such as this with a therapist, so this is timely to consider.

Thank you so much. This video was the relief my soul has been looking for lately. I can listen to myself, not the opinions of those around me.

I completely resonates with what you have talked about, it took me time to understand who I am....

This video nailed it for me. Thank you. I too am like that in that sex and romance means nothing to me unless there is a bond of some sort. Likewise, looks really don't mean that much to me either... Unless the person in question looks like an Eldritch Horror out of an H.P. Lovecraft novel, I really don't get hung up on appearance. As you say Lauren, I can see what a person is like on the inside and set my course from there. Although I'm not sure I buy into a lot of the current gender theory, I do seem to identify with a combination of the demisexual and sapiosexual descriptions. In order for me to feel a genuine attraction to someone I need to feel both the emotional bond with them AND also need someone with high intelligence so that we can talk and be interesting/stimulating to each other. I get the feeling after watching this video that probably applies to most INFJ personalities. That said I've been told point-blank by a couple of women in my life that aspect of not feeling attraction without an emotional connection can be very intimidating to other women. A lot of the classic manipulation and games people play in relationships simply won't work on me... I'm immune to so much of it. Likewise just because a physically attractive woman walks by doesn't mean I'll start falling over myself either... That's caused some frustration in some people as well. Maybe it has a lot to do with why I make catfishers and romance scammers crazy to the point they usually rage-quit on me ! LOLOL!

Spot on

Infj infp can fall in love without physical contact, just with conversation or doing things together, getting to know someone on a deeper level, connecting emotionally, even if not regularly, once we trust the image, that person will remain attractive to us, and physical attraction follows after that

5:29 INFP's feel a little more comfortable to wear their heart on their sleeve... that is until they get hurt one too many times, at least in my experience. Also have never been into "hookup culture". I would always have to have a serious connection with the person.

I am. 💯 Took me 50 years to figure it out.

Sounds really commercial this valentines day offer😅.

@BSNotAccepted

4 ай бұрын

Just because other people commercialize something, doesn't mean that bWE have to. WE can remake any holiday into the image of what we want it to be.

I feel like I don’t relate with Aromanticism nor Asexuality (but I do know about it), and I didn’t know that INFPs and INFJs are aromantics or asexuals (and both!) But I do personally be single and solo and be the type to go to places by myself and unless I wanna bring someone I personally know very well, I might bring them (if it fits the activity I’m doing at the event) if not, I’ll go by myself and have a solo blast!

Id like to add that most movies show dysfunctional romantic relationships and aren't good examples for society in general.

All true.

I am an infj and I am very romantic. I feel like it’s so hard to find people who understand it

...or society's ideas of anything else!

At first, I thought it said "aromatic". (Stinky? Flowery?)

hmm idk

❤❤

INFJ

✔

I've tried being romantic with people and only thing I get is get weird looks and they ask me "what are you doing".

A(hopeless)romantic...

What I can get gassy ? Lol

I disagree with a lot of this. And I’m an INFJ

I have been in love with an INFJ for 9 years, but he wants a woman much younger than himself. He does treat me very well though. Recently I met an ESFJ, and he is crazy about me. But I as an ENFP cannot feel attracted to him because his responses to my queries are so superficial! I keep him at arms length while pining for the INFJ!! HELP!

@themalejodietaylor2599

4 ай бұрын

Ever consider an INTJ? Golden pairing for you.

AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Lol. Where the good-hearted women? 😭🤣

LAURA I AM NOT SURE IF I AM INFP OR ISFP, BUT I BELIEVE I AM INFP BUT I AM NOT SURE. LAURA AS INFP BOY WHO IS THE BEST MBTI GIRL MATCH BEST PARTNER FOR INFP? PLEASE HELP ME TO KNOW, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE VIDEO ABOUT INFP MBTI BEST ROMANTIC PARTNER?

@kikivon3501

4 ай бұрын

I’m sure there are a lot of people where overlap of the personality types occur. Humans often don’t fit into neat categories and it’s a good thing.