What is keeping you back from expressing your "truth" in dating situations?

@jibranjawaid

4 жыл бұрын

I am Stoic so it is quite difficult to find someone with the same lifestyle as mine in the current world which is driven by capitalistic values for the most part... though this is how i have started thinking, dont want to waste my time and energy on anyone who wouldnt be a long term part in my life.

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

I can only recommend online dating where you do take personality assessments in the beginning...that way you are not wasting your time with people that have a completely different lifestyle than yours...doesn't mean that everyone you talk to will be a match, but you already cut out everybody who you know isn't 👍

@franciscosanchez2971

4 жыл бұрын

People don't like politics and when I look at the root of human suffering, it brings me back to politics, I'm an interesting person but I'm not living the most interesting life and I think everybody wants to size me up on what I have and where I'm going rather than how I feel

@isosoriharrison9556

2 жыл бұрын

People don’t want to take their time with me. I’ve been through traumatic experiences with dating and it’s kind of affecting me mentally. And I can’t seem to hold on to romantic relationships because people want to take their time.

@paulmcnary4277

2 жыл бұрын

@@Wenzes What sites do this?

Classic INFJ. Writes 8 lines of comment and then deletes it. Again.

@zerotoanime3953

Жыл бұрын

Lol me

@zibbielanham

11 ай бұрын

You're not alone!🤣

@masteroutlier

10 ай бұрын

If only you had read the potentially misunderstandable joke I had written and then deleted 😅

@irishmarie9892

10 ай бұрын

💯

@HiiImChris

10 ай бұрын

Haha no way..

"why waste your time and their time by pretending you're less than you are" - So true. Thank you so much

@mbsc86

2 жыл бұрын

Yes

I have the marriage I want now, because my husband and I worked so hard to get a relationship we wanted. It’s a different dynamic than what is “normal” or typical. So, to my fellow INFJs, take what Wenzes says to heart. Stick to your boundaries and what you want for your emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical well-being. It’s absolutely essential for us Ni creatures who need time to let loose in our head space. I married an ISTJ who needs a lot of reassurance and affirmations, and as long as I give him that, and he gives me plenty of space to daydream and be on my own. 20+ years of marriage. It wasn’t easy. Through cancer, 25+ surgeries, deployments, 4 kids ( 2 of which are now adults) , moving around the world, a pandemic… we had to work through a lot, and I find Wenzes wisdom to be absolutely on point.

My Boundaries -we have to be exclusive -dont cheat on me -be honest with me -dont make me feel like I am an option -Enfp

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

👍👍👍

@alinebaruchi1936

2 жыл бұрын

All of this?

@velinakostovadimitrova4394

2 жыл бұрын

Add more!

@sonyawashington3755

2 жыл бұрын

Faxs

@stepfaniehawkins205

Жыл бұрын

I have all of those plus two more which are one don't call me that and to 2 don't make me look stupid in front of others

I'm an INFJ and I think I speak for many of us when I say this modern area of dating is borderline an alien concept to us... Why do people do what they do?...

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

I have learned a long time not to look at it this way. I know what I want out of a realitionship...so I look who is looking at it in a way that fits my worldview...I block out absolutely everybody who has a different understanding about how they see relationships. So in the end, I only see and focus on what I want to see...the hook up scene is completely foreign to me...I don’t even see it anywhere in my life

@meowtank

3 жыл бұрын

@@Wenzes well said

@lialy3071

3 жыл бұрын

@@Wenzes I can totally relate thank you for the statement cause I keep asking myself why don`t I understand it

@grimlockarts8386

2 жыл бұрын

So true, I can't stand this shallow hook up culture, it feels helpless. I sometimes feel like I'm just starving to find a decent kind hearted woman that isn't showing her ass all over the internet, or sporting a 3 digit body count... Where are they anymore???

@SirMo

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. I've been contemplating about this for a long time. But I don't have an answer.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. As an INFJ, I have absolutely no interest in serial dating or quick "hookups." I feel, personally, like dating should be two people trying to figure out if they should spend the rest of their lives together. If I know a girl has no mutual interest or respect for me, and is only dating me because her "chad" boyfriend just dumped her, then why should I even waste my time with her at all? Well, the answer is I shouldn't, and if you are in a mediocre relationship like that you should leave it now. I don't care how attractive the girl is. With that being said, you can imagine how scary and intimidating this modern world with its exorbitant divorce rates and mediocre relationships where people "settled" with someone they did not really like because their first choice got away is to an INFJ. Especially ones like myself.

@petalchild

2 жыл бұрын

You would probably have better luck if you didn't use incel rhetoric.

@duglife2230

2 жыл бұрын

@@petalchild I have no idea what you think was "incel rhetoric" about that. From what I gather, Incels are typically in the "all women are trash for not dating me and would probably just cheat on me anyway" camp. That is not what I was insinuating or suggesting at all. Women are just people too. There are people who are worth your time and people who are not. That goes for anything in life, including dating.

@etcwhatever

9 ай бұрын

Yes. I understand this. But most men dont have your mindset. What you talk about isnt gender related. Its a societal issue. Everyone is discarded and temporary. I always wanted marriage for life and therefore i am alone. Because men never respected my boundaries and like Wenzes said i never enforced them...i always feel absorbed by others and its draining af. Im a religious person so i prefer to be alone now than to go against my principles like in the past.

@daahorse1652

9 ай бұрын

@@petalchildAh yes, I would love to date a woman that will totally fuck up my life both financially and mentally all because I ain’t man enough. 👏

I've only watched 3 or 4 videos and you have already helped me stick up for myself at my place of work which probably shocked my managers and bosses. I just want to say thank you it's been suffocating to me not being able to set boundaries. You've given me strength in myself ♥️

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

So happy to read that Jessica, glad I can help 😊❤

Yeah it's important to understand that other people are not INFJ's (atleast in most cases), so they cannot "read our mind" or understand what we want, like we can. It's fundemental for us to express ourselves, regarding thoughts or feelings, but also things we want or don't want. This is the only way to overcome this limitating idea of "I understand everybody, but nobody understands me".

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

👍👍...next video is about infj being misunderstood...it picks up on exactly that topic

@carlandre8610

4 жыл бұрын

I think also infps do not understand others quite as well as they think. they are great listeners, but to understand others you really need to also be able to understand yourself. I think this person doing the videos understands herself well and is truly a well developed infp. And when you have that skill as an info you have the bull by the horns.

@jessmason2112

Жыл бұрын

Yes, but isn't it nice to just look at someone and have no need for words. (They know exactly what you want or thinking.)

@bruce6871

Жыл бұрын

A key to this may be learning to trust your gut about people by being adequately exposed to different types of people and others' relationship experiences (dating isn't exactly required for this). You can make a better judgement call on the right time to bring up your wants and needs sooner instead of waiting and getting more attached to the person. INFJ's develop a very precise perception of people, but that window gets exponentially narrower the more attracted or attached to the person we become.

@Terry-ju5mh

Жыл бұрын

Okay

This applies to all my relationships in my life. Currently in the process of recalibrating my own life and focusing on myself aka cutting everyone out. An issue I find is even after setting boundaries or telling a friend I wanted my time to be respected (bc they were literally disregarding my time in standing me up, trying to schedule me into their time only) they wouldn'y change their behaviour and continued to test me. After some thinking I thought, they're not really adding value to my life so why do I even need to keep them if they're just disturbing the peace by refusing to compromise? They act like the world revolves around them and we should cater to their needs. Oh yes we attract narcissists who love to use us as their supply. No more of that. I'm going to learn to love myself so hard there will be zero room for anyone who doesn't do the same.

Holy... In just 20 minutes you explained every little detail of what took me 2 years and 3 breakups to slowly piece together. I will have to rewatch this a couple more times and use this as a starting point to work on myself. a thousand thanks

Yeah it took me 5-EVER to realize that “seeing where this goes” sucks Bc you just run into people who don’t know what they want! Now I just tell people “I want LTR”

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏 exactly

@icef1mkd

3 жыл бұрын

"I have no intentions" and "Let it be how it should be" and "Let's have a good time, without ultimatums". I accepted this shit. Out of fear of losing her, a girl I had such a strong chemistry with like none before.

Wenzes, i dont know anyone else who understands me more than you do... Thank you for caring about us. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for helping us make the world a better place! Above all, thank you for continuing to strengthen my mindset. Thank you with all my heart, thank you, thank you. thank you! Keep on keepin' on!

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

❤❤❤ my pleasure!!!

I made all those same mistakes you mentioned (including giving up dating for awhile), and I sort of on my own came to the same conclusions! I've been practicing this new boundary setting self for a few years now. And it's so refreshing! People sort of get shocked, since they are used to the old me, but to my surprise they never seem to respond negatively. Which was a revelation to me. I thought my change in attitude would prompt them to think I was mad or something. But everyone is usually just like, "oh ok, no problem".

@krystam8744

Жыл бұрын

Love this!!! Beautiful.

Thanks for helping me with dating. I started dating at 31. This helps a lot for me. I was in a relationship with ESTJ. I saw a vision that it’s going to be a unrequited love. Yet I didn’t believe my intuition and went ahead with this relationship only to face breakup.

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

We learn and we grow! ❤

@RebekahAPinto

8 ай бұрын

@arunamalla1705 I was given almost the same vision when I was in elementary school. But in my case, it was a voice telling me that I'll meet a guy in my early 20s but when I meet him - I can't talk to him about the future of us together, about getting engage & then marry, & he won't @ all tell me he loves me. I was even shown how he would look like in that vision. Fast forward to my early 20s, I did meet the said guy but it all led to disappointment to which I overlooked because I chose to. Only 4 years later, I decided to dump him for good - because all I wanted was a ring from him on my finger to which he disagreed(I was about to enter my 30s). So now, I'm single & have gone numb(if anyone wants an actual/proper relationship with me).

Wenzes, I've always believed this, although when I was younger, I wasn't as articulate about it as you. And to complicate things, I was often advised AGAINST having boundaries. Fortunately, I learned better, although it took a while. This is practical, levelheaded advice. As I listen to you, I'm amazed at how so many of my childhood hunches were correct after all! 😎

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

👍😉👍

Knowing what you want from a relationship? I often ponder this question and observe others trying to understand what works and does not work with there relationships. Trying to glean knowledge and understanding for myself. The flerting game is already changing and can have me riding the edges of my own boundaries. Past experiences have led me to hiding my own light. Add getting overwhelmed in to the mix and very quickly I reach the point where I need alone time to recharge and work through my thoughts. I try to be flexible with what I am looking for. But still question if I'm setting the bar too high. So my present answers to the question what do I want. Friendship Companionship Mutual understanding Shared interests Independent interests An understanding of each others alone time. Intimacy

"Set some boundaries for your vision" That is excellent advice. Not only for dating, but also in general. Thank you.

When I was dating, I made super sure to be very deliberate with the rate of progression and levels of intimacy. It kept the "failed" relationships much less painful for all parties involved. I'm now happily married for three years and have been very happy to be able to finally relax into that level of commitment and both of us (me INFJ, she INFP) being able to enjoy our authentic selves in a safe environment. Still tons of work, every relationship is, but very fulfilling using so much of this advice.

Thank you thank you! This brings so much clarity!

Girl, preach! You spoke straight to my heart ❤️❤️

I love all of this. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

So important and so well said! Awesome video!

Thank you for this video, much appreciated!

This is such an insightful video. Thank you for sharing!!

Excellent! Thank you!

Amazing, thank you 😊

This is phenomenal! Love it!

THANK YOU - FOR THIS!

Very insightful. Thank you.

Very well spoken, thank you 💯%.

Exactly what I needed to hear! Thx!

this really is very helpful, thank you

Absolutely one of your best videos. Thank you!

this is an awesome video ! thankyou again

Such a great video, it was exactly on point! I have also been single for 8 years after a disaster of a relationship where I wasn't even close to having my needs met. I recently came across a person in a temporary professional setting where I was working with a health professional and I thought they had a lot of qualities I was looking for and obsessed over them. To get to know them I just felt like I was too much for them and it ended being passive aggressive because I painted a a picture in my head of who they were and could have been. It really made me look introspectively and you said all the things I was thinking about as I was making myself small to not overwhelm this person. So, I understand myself better and will express my needs to future relationships better. Thanks a million!

Thank You for Excellent Insights

Very Good insight, Thank You

Thank you Wenzes, You have all of us figured out.

Brilliant insight.Helped me to understand myself better!

These advices are good. Especially working on moulding back into society. Great 👍

This is so valuable, thank you , it really spoke to my situation

Wow that's deep thankx for sharing

Very eye opening, honestly.

Thank you for this. 💓

Thank you so much this was so helpful. :)

Thank you for this video. It helped me a lot.

Great video and great insights thank you x

I really really love your videos

I agree with you so much thank you for saying all this it`s also really helpful❤❤❤

Thank you so much! I have realized these truths recently, and your video was a confirmation for me, that I am choosing the right attitude. Would be so helpful to hear that in my teens.

This is straight-up the best INFJ dating advice I have ever heard. I've been looking for dating advice for about a week and by now I was already feeling like giving up. I've been feeling as if I am too much to handle and like I'm probably not going to make a good partner anyway. However, the way you explained how INFJs should approach dating, and relationships made me feel empowered for the first time in weeks and like I'm capable of taking charge of my dating life. I'm aware it takes a really long path but your video really helped me change my perspective. Thank you so, so much!!

Thank you for giving some mental clarity to the Infj dating situation. It's a struggle 😅

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

Glad I can be of help 😊

You are changing my life! Think you!!❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you! Really helped me :)

Thanks Wenzes, this video was so helpful. I'm gonna have to listen to it over and over to really get all those excellent points driven home. My favorite-Set boundaries early so that you can loosen them later when the person you are with is worthy of the relaxed you, great point!

Thank you Wenzes.

Very good videos :)

Thank you!

Wow Wenzes thank you for making this connection of how the NI and FE affects the way we approach relationships!! This explains how I need alone time to think and process what I want because when I’m with others I naturally go into NI mode and lose myself. This also explains why relationships are difficult because it takes awhile to figure out exactly what we want and when we do it’s hard to find a person with qualities that match what we need. But like you said, that’s ok, because you screen out people who will just waste your time. I am able to share my love and strengths with people who are important to me and those who I want to help. I so appreciate you sharing your experiences and taking care of us INFJ fellows. ☺️

Wenzes!! thanks again for giving us this great truth!

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!!

It all sounds great on paper (as usual, coming from the INFJ coach herself), but I'd say easier said than done for someone in their 20s, going into a relationship knowing exactly what you want out of it, when you don't even really have a clear-cut view of what *you* want in life still (regarding a job, a place/country to live in etc.)... Anyways, on the topic of dating and because I had this discussion recently, I was hoping for some insight. Would you say that there is a "certain kind" of person that best compliments us? I.e. someone who is equally introverted, "weird" or complicated, someone... relatable. Versus someone extroverted, "simpler", more... "bland" maybe, who compliments us in an opposite manner. Or is there no right answer to this question, and it's all just a matter of how driven two people are regarding a relationship, and how well they know themselves for it to work?

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

I think it is important to find someone that we can a common day to day with...if you yourself are introverted and like to contemplate on things it probably will be hard in the long term if you are with somebody who constantly wants to go to social events, likes to be around their friends all the time etc. It's important to have someone who you can "live with"...and still not feel you are constantly working or stressed because of their lifestyle choices

Your like a Life Coach for INFJ’s.

I actually watched most of this and it's really good. I like that this can be applied to most relationships in general. -enfp

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

😊👍

Thank you 💫

Thank you for making this video. I'm an INFJ and I really needed to hear this information. It's too bad I'm hearing it at 60 years old. But better late than never.

Awesome... thank you!

Really needed to hear those words today! Before you want people to love and accept who you are, you should do it first and not to be loved and accepted, but simply because you deserve your own love and acceptance more than anyone else. Thank you so much! Just subscribed to your channel. Abraços do Brasil.

Wow the trying to form relationships with people from other parts of the country or even other countries applies to me so hard.

Spot on

Damn... literally hitting deep in my thoughts and feelings... Countless experiences I've had with potential partners as you described Wenzes. Thank you 🙏🙌🙌

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

Glad it‘s helpful 😊👍

LOVE this video ❤️

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

😊👍

Danke!

😲THANK YOU!!!

Thank you so much, from an INFJ 🙏😌

I feel like I woke up to all of this fact on my own after my last relationship, I knew what I wanted and how I wanted to be treated.

Wow..so true!!

Love it, you tha best

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you 😊 glad you like it

Excellent video. Very clear and makes sense. I have been doing some deep thinking about what I want in a relationship. I have learned so much about myself from past relationships, so I start from there. Thank you 🙂💜

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

So happy it resonates with you Sophie...yes, our won experiences are our best teachers 👍 there are always lessons learned 😊

I'm an Infj but I don't believe at love at first sight.. I do believe in interested at first sight

This is so helpful! I am starting a friendship and i'm mentally thinking about the things that I've been doing wrong because it's my friend is not particularly a healthy person but I'm on the verge of do i want to continue the friendship or cut it off because i still have to grow myself through my Fe and why waste both our times. Well, I loved the video Wenzes. Such helpful information really blew my mind.

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful 👍😊 remember, focus on you, what you want, what you need and wait and see if your friend can handle this version of you...it‘s not your task to adapt yourself in order to have a healthy friendship...you do whar is best for you...in a healthy friendship both are doing that and this results in a balanced and uplifting union 👍😊

This is a really good video. I really appreciate how you explain how to make positive changes. I know what I shouldn't do, but it's harder to figure out what I should do. Thanks.

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

Glad I can be of help Rusty, thanks for your feedback 😊

I found that I am happy being single... I perform at my best.. I am much more relaxed, relaxing is never easy to start with.. It is as though a relationship takes up too much time. People at their best is untrustworthy.. I really don't have time or the desire to spend on negative issues.. I figured certain things out through the years .. I don't accept certain behaviour i set boundaries very quick ... it is so easy for others to use us until there is nothing left of the inner self anymore.. We change ourselves as we go along. Thank you love this channel..

Really helpful. Thank you. I'm really bad at setting boundaries in my love life, especially in the beginning. But I can see how important it is to do so, not just in the beginning, but all through the relationship.

This is the best advice ever. You are so right, i always started relationships like you say. Ok, time for a change. Define my inner vision of what i am, what i am willing to reveal of myself, what i need and want, what i can offer in a realtionship and what i expect. I am just afraid that that person does not exist , or i will never meet them..

Thank you so much for creating this video Wenzes!! I have pretty severe ADD so whenever I watch any videos I want to sink in, I have to rewind a lot and it took me about an hour and a half lol to watch this, but it’s because I love it, know it’s true, really need the knowledge to stay with me and I’m about to go on a date. If it works great, if it doesn’t then that’s fine too because I love me and I’ll find someone that loves me for me too!! Thanks again!! Now onto the next video you recommended at the end of this one. ❤

Your eyes are absolutely beautiful!

I guess I’m ready for this video now but I wish I saw it 10 years ago.

Haha Wenzes, I love you, again and again! 😘

Btw thank you so much for the content! Love it !

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

Happy it resonates with you 😀

@MuntiK

4 жыл бұрын

@@Wenzes aha I'm happy I discovered this 😊

Wow, that’s incredibly helpful to me. I‘m glad that it worked out for you! I‘m in my mid 30s and this boundaries thing feels incredibly hard to me, as I’m pretending to be someone else. I guess I will now try to change the dynamic🎉

This really changed my life. I've been going my whole life not understanding myself. Thinking my intuition and loving nature sweetness was a flaw. Smh I was so wrong.

The right INJF partner provides the boundaries.

Spot on! Ruin it all the time!

Nice vid

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

thanks 😊

thank you -

@Wenzes

4 жыл бұрын

you're welcome 😊

We see their ideal self

Omg Wenzes- thank you so much for this video ! I didn’t know this and had my doubts - I was told to stay small and do the opposite which never sat right with me - 🎉🎉🎉 this is gold

Mehhhn, I have alot to learn.

so true