Family Access-Fighting for Children's Rights is a North Carolina-based non-profit organization dedicated to providing help, education and support to victims of parental and grandparent alienation. We also provide much needed knowledge and info for those professionals who work in the field of alienation as well. Visit www.familyaccess.info for more information.
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IN 1991 tow of my five daughters called me to tell me they didn't want me in their life. it devastated me. I have not seen them in 30 years. I reached out to them however it never went well.
Holding on to hope will make you insane, absolutely! As for the grandchildren, their parents stole something from them that is irreplaceable. How mean it is to brainwash innocent children into thinking their grandparents are unacceptable or evil people.
9PM to 7AM??
Almost 4 years now and still hurting. I was told last Christmas by my daughter to stop sending gifts and cards to my grandkids. I’m done and walked away. She has even alienated me from my own sister. In essence she has destroyed 3 families - mine, my parents and her own. Her husband was abandoned completely by his father until he was 15yrs old. His father abandoned his two families and 5 kids - wandered around the country getting women pregnant then walking away from his responsibilities. That same man now gets nothing but respect and total carte Blanche to be the proud grandfather. This is salt in my wounds making it twice as difficult to get on with my life. I just pray that one morning I will wake up and feel my own self again. My son is my saviour.
I am truly sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help.
This is what happens when you have a generation that really doesn't need God or Christian values .
So true
Thank you for sharing this story.
Thanks for watching! I hope it helps and other of our videos help as well.
Just ran across this video …. Thank you.
Hope you enjoyed it! I hope other of our videos help as well.
❤️❤️❤️
So glad it was helpful. I do hope other of our videos help as well.
I have heard all this. What do we do when Christians USE the Bible to abuse? They weaponize it and withold the love they are mandated to do! Do we cut them off? I love God with all my being. I do not question his work, choices or word. Imquestion MY actions in the midst of alienation, gossip, and jealousy. Christians are equipped to say bad crap happens...move along. They are unequipped with the reality of human relationship choices.
Thank you for the wonderful message. Please pray for my family. I have not seen my son or grandchildren in 3 months.
So very glad that it was helpful. We absolutely will be in prayer for your family.
This has been a blessing.. it’s been three years, I had nothing to go on. This was a lot to take in. I hope to hear more from Dr. Joshua Coleman. Thank you.
I am so glad this was helpful. There are other videos of Dr. Coleman here on our Families Divided TV you tube channel and Dr. Coleman will also be presenting at our fall conference in October.
How can you make an amendment if they will not speak to you.
The key to improving this situation lies with the family court and child protection services. They are completely corrupted by the radical feminist movement. I lost my three kids to this system about fifteen years ago and have very patchy contact with my two sons. The court issued orders that were all ignored by the mother and no penalty was applied because it would have a negative effect on the kids. The mother was diagnosed as a psychopath by a psychologist who I approached for marriage guidance counselling but he refused to give evidence and the court appointed psychologist wouldn’t agree with that assessment because she was dependent on the court for most of her work. Until this problem is taken seriously by members of parliament it will never improve.
Sometimes it feels like my only connection left with my grandchildren is tthe grief....
I am so very sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you.
Thank you! Very helpful!
So glad it helped.
My daughter's a drug addict and our relationship has been strained for years. I don't want to reconcile with her anymore. The disrespect and abuse over the years has been intolerable and affected my health. since she went down the route her entire personality has changed. Awful situation as a parent wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's been hell.
So very sorry for your situation. I hope our videos help you.
Some people are so damaged by the conduct of another person, that they will always be triggered by any reminder of that person. The following comments do not apply to such severe situations. Thousands and thousands of EAC are choosing to cut off family members for much less serious conflicts. The thing about this that confuses me the most, is the way these EAC are shooting themselves in the foot. I can only guess that they are either too young or lack the emotional intelligence to do the math. Many of them will eventually find themselves in crisis because LIFE. The ability to weather a crisis usually has a lot to do with how much help is available from others. Major help generally comes from close family. Friends are great, but they usually have jobs, families, and other things that take priority over a friend in need of a great deal of help. The EAC's parents are often retired and free to do whatever has to be done. Even siblings will sometimes put everything else aside to help in a crisis. At the very least blood relatives are invaluable because they are more likely to qualify for and be willing to donate life-saving body parts. I wonder how many family members would consider doing something like that for someone who previously cut them out of their life? No matter how convinced an EAC may be that their family member is too selfish to help them in any of these scenarios, there is no way to know that for sure. People can and do change considerably throughout life. For that reason alone, I will never understand the choice to completely disconnect from close family members. The average person can learn how to protect themselves from anyone. They can learn the rules of civil engagement and how to end any communication that fails to meet those standards. Consistently enforcing the standards of civil conduct can train another person to stay on the civil side of the line. If not, conversations with them can be short. The average person can learn mental coping skills that prevent another person's words from causing them pain. Learning to deal with conflict prevents all of the collateral damage that comes with complete estrangement. It prevents harming a lot of innocent people. The hardest people to handle are addicts and those with major mental illnesses. But it is possible to maintain at least some relationship with them. People who learn how to control themselves and calmly insist on being treated with respect will find those skills improve every aspect of their lives. Using estrangement instead of learning these basic skills, guarantees a person won't be able to sustain long-term relationships with anyone. They will run away from conflict over and over until they have ruined their own lives and they are completely alone. Along the way, they will convince themselves the problem is all of the "toxic" people they know.
I’m just not going to respond. I had enough abuse from her dad, I learned years ago I don’t have to “stick around” and participate
So soerry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you.
My daughter recently got married and her husband does not like me nor respect me. This has taken a very nice relationship to one that is broken or and non repairable. I wish her the best but I am not letting her take me down with her. This split was reason and was so apparent during a recent visit. She said she faked enjoying time with me in the past that she never liked me. Ok make your choices. My parents were not perfect but I still love them. She had a much better life than I did. Problems arose when she found a new therapist. If she wants to do this its her choice not mine. Both my sisters are going through this with one child in their family. Its truly awful and I dont think they like it but they are going on with their lives.
So sorry for your situation. Brainwashing is a horrible thing. I do hope our videos help you.
Parental alienation is junk science usually used by abusers.
So untrue and those who are abusers are the alienators
So basically you have to lay down your soul. They are in complete control and you will always walk on eggshells. They can hurt you over and over again and you will just have to take it. That’s abusive. That’s not right.
I’ve just watched and actively listened to this video. Although it’s given me some insight from the ECs point of view, I stopped reaching out to my ES 4 months ago after suddenly getting “the sack” as his mother and Nana to my GKs 3 years ago. I no longer wish to reconcile. The damage took me to a very dark place I never wish to return to.
I pray you have peace
Could just self internalize, recognize your mistake, genuinely apologize, correct behaviors as to not repeat said mistake, and rebuild your relationship with your adult child.
@@AuburnGrad2008 can't do that if there's no response. I've offered counseling at my expense no response It takes 2 to have a conversation
Sometimes its not that simple. Younger generation is encouraged to create their own family, and to dump parents. Cancelling parents is applauded on instagram a d other social media. 70 percent of alienated Grands are divorced and often a narciisist is in the mix causing more heartbreak
@@victoriajloveland3144 Every generation is encouraged to start their own families, younger generations realize the importance of mental health, establishing boundaries, and removing toxicity only has a last option. They are not being applauded for canceling their parents, they are being applauded for taking a stand for their mental wellbeing. Adult children don’t just suddenly decide to become estranged from their parents.
@@AuburnGrad2008 Hogwash psychobabble
Take responsibility for your own behavior first, like not showing respect for those who gave you life and raised you to the best of their ability. No one ever says all parents are perfect, they are people trudging through life with what they know. Are you really insisting that they apologize for perhaps making a few mistakes? If you think YOU are perfect, then you are in a club with one member.
Thank you so much for all that you do... if it were not for you I don't where I'd be. ❤❤❤you saved my life 10 years ago ❤❤❤
If their doing this they are sex traffickers keep learning
It saddens me so to learn in my own personal experience and research that so many grandparents as myself have to face the challenge of this epidemic ordeal. In my experience I think it is the worldwide sign of social breakdown from generation to generation becoming more distant and obscure as time elapses. I wish technology and those little handheld blue screens were not so addictive for all the wrong reasons and exposure due to easy access and the economic trend of both sets of parents working outside the home just to keep the family intact. We are watching as paid strangers raise our youth. At least limiting access to devices during social occasions with families and friends might help. There seems to be no consistent solution that could bring about the needed reunion with the world around us that could promote a better understanding and need for a simple hug, a smile, a kind word or a resolution to the silent disease of typing on a screen and ignoring your surroundings. The act of gazing aimlessly at uninvolved movements from that blue screen exposure silently teaches children to disconnect from verbal communication. Wake up world. Use technology responsibly. Watch and listen to the children. See and act on how they feel. Personally I create little pictorial notebooks with them about the past that they don’t about their ancestry. I write little letters sporadically just to stay in touch and let them all know I think about them always and love them so. Life is challenging enough without the continual distraction of fingers printing on a screen. I will continue to persevere and do my part to keep life simple and somehow teach any child to slow down and observe all they are missing in the quiet moments of the nature around them. We were all meant to love and learn. Keep the past alive through stories to invite us all into the world we need to learn from because it matters and always will.
I have started a journal. Letters of a sort to be given to them upon my death, or when they're old enough. I tell them everything. Every time I've asked to see them. I've screen shot some of their mom's messages to me and mine to her. Also I tell them all those little stories I would be telling them if I was seeing them. my life their great grandparents, their mom etc. I've also use the money I would have been spending on them ( little treats, McDonald's, etc) monthly to pay for a life insurance policy. I have made my best friend the beneficiary so she can be in charge of the money. So daughter can't get her hands on it. I've left strict instructions that it is to be used only for fun. Trips we would have gone on together, the extra $100 he needs for prom, baseball tickets, spring breaks. Some day for when he wants his man cave. Anything that I would have given it to them. They may not know now, but someday they will
I am sorry but I do not agree with not being honest about how you feel and telling them. They need to know what their actions are doing to them.
Here’s what I think: I think that entitled millennial adult children need a reality check. I hope someday one of these spoiled millennials will have this done to them and they will be flabbergasted by it (we can only hope) . They will certainly feel insulted and think it is unfair (what a surprise!) Perhaps they will remember what they have done to their loving, good hearted and kind parents and perhaps this will be a wake up call for them We as the innocent parents need to stop cowtowing to the abuse our EC are showing us. It’s deplorable. They r not in their right minds. Who made them the parent and we r to act like the children. This is nonsense!!! Lord have mercy on their souls.
Well said. So sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you.
"loving , good hearted and kind parents" I'm sorry but your comment demonstrates the exact opposite of that and that's most likely the problem. You believe your the the innocent victim but just do some self reflection and read what you wrote. Your comment comes across as bitter, spiteful, childish and lacks self-awareness. You then go on to act like your some innocent victim while throwing around generalized insults. Please, try doing some self reflection and work on yourself even if you don't think you need to. I'm writing this comment in good faith in hopes you can learn from it to better yourself. I wish you the best of luck
So spot on 😢
Glad it was helpful. I hope other of our videos are helpful too.
This sounds like a bunch of hog wash written by a narcissist therapist whose kids are estranged from. JMHO. As adult children we absolutely have the right to say if our parents were good parents.
There’s no rhyme or reason what creates a narcissist child. I don’t believe it’s the parent.
Majority of American parents love themswlves more than their kids. It shows
Appreciate this so much.
So glad it was helpful. I hope other of our videos help as well.
I feel that with these self centered adult children if they treat us with such contempt & disrespect let them go NOTHING you do is ever going to make them happy or like you , allot of these adult kids have so much anger & hatred for you , if that’s the case live your best life & let them go . Sad 😢 but necessary for your mental wellbeing.
I love this just stumbled upn you - who are you ?
Are you referring to the presenter?
This has helped me so much! ☺️😁 Thank you Dr Coleman. 🙏🏻😊 I definitely like the "separate identities" idea. It's great for me - to delineate your self talk and support yourself. While allowing them to think their own thoughts though you do not necessarily agree, to accept that's their point of view and it's alright for it to be different, though disappointing and painful for now. Their vision might grow wider over time. I'm learning not to take it as personally and not self-attack which I was doing before when I got negative feedback. I like acknowledging the 'kernel of truth' because I DIDN'T get all aspects of parenting right and it's better to say so; acknowledge that instead of pretending I'm perfect and they are just ungrateful. We're all flawed human beings including them and over time the child's perspective can change and sometimes all of us need to consider what is said when we get negative feedback. It's taking a lot of self-control and resistance to defend myself but also I know I'll feel better for being respectful and considering the other point of view even if I don't agree. Cos I don't want to regret my reacting by ranting and raving and destroying what was left. Which I've had a taste of and I didn't like.
So glad it was helpful. I hope other of our videos help as well.
what if a child age 5 years old starts hitting the mother who is an alcoholic because she lost her mother and she is grieving?
I am sorry for your loss. Your child needs you to be strong. Please seek help. Your child needs a strong and stable mom.
@@FamiliesDividedTV it's not about me .Its about a friend
@@Alf258 I pray she gets help and can give the child a stable and loving home.
My son’s new wife just does not like me. I was a single mother who worked hard and made mistakes. Her face is full of contempt when she speaks to me. I spent the last couple of years jumping through hoops trying to reach some standard that might make her, and my son, accept me. We started family therapy and she brought up things from when my son was 7 ( he is 33 now). The behavior my son has been showing toward me is new in our relationship. He has never talked to me like this in our past. I thought it was just kind of finding his place in his new life as a married man. I don’t know anymore BUT I am not pushing him. A man takes a wife and must be present in that relationship. I am here for him if he wants a relationship with me. He has to succeed, or fail, on his own. My heart is broken. The entire situation has had a negative impact on my mental health. All my mistakes will never replace the fact that he has always been my greatest love.❤
So very sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you. Stay strong and trust God!
at 6:21, and i have to wonder, why aren't you teaching accountability? you were NOT deserving of "fairness" - you're the parent and you are the reason your child goes no contact. sir: this is the worst, most insidious, and i would not recommend this book, your 5 common mistakes, or reconciliation with you or any of these psychotic and selfish parents.
Makes me wonder exactly what some parents did to their children while growing up that warrants their adult children cutting them off entirely...If you, an adult, cannot handle 'disrespect' from your adult and independent children, then maybe there's a reason they aren't speaking with you.
Perhaps talking things out with your parents would be good instead of having them play the guessing game.
@@FamiliesDividedTV It's nice that that is your opinion.
After 15 years of estrangement, my 49 year old daughter did respond and said she wanted me in her life. She then immediately began denying major things she had done before she alienated us. I had to tell her that I want to live the remainder of my life in peace without the pain her ongoing actions. I just have no trust that a renewed relationship with her will bring me anything but pain. She is divorced and had one child during her brief marriage that she gave up at birth when she was 36 and estranged because she did not want her to interfere with her career We have one photo of our grandchild and found out months after her birth.
I am so very sorry for your situation. The experts tell us it is best not to speak of the past with our children, but just try to start fresh and new. I do hope our videos help you.
I'm so sorry that you have such a thoughtless selfish daughter
That this is even a problem is tragic. What has happened to the world? God bless you for this.
I do hope you watch the episode on Wednesdayt.
Funny thing. My oldest daughter who has alienated me has a doctrine in psychology. Too funny. Mechanic car never runs, plumber's house always flooding and psychology doctor's kids are always crazy. 😊 I haven't spoken or seen my 2 daughters in over 20 years. My youngest is married and has one kid and doesn't want me to be in her life. Talk about a cycle. Same thing her mom did to her with me. Oh well.
Sorry to hear that. I do hope our videos help you.
@@FamiliesDividedTV actually they do confirm a few concerns. Thank you. I appreciate your videos.
@@raymondpalacios3032 So glad they help you.
63 year old "child" here.....please don't try to tell my remaining parent she is faultless. I spent my first 16 years wishing I had never been born. Unloved, unheard, they should have remained childless.
Children do not ASK to be born!
None of us are perfect.
I want to give a different perspective in the comments from someone who had the opposite problem. I'm 43 and my parents both took me for granted when I became an adult. So they didn't think about these things, or particularly care. On the opposite side of the equation, I'm also the son-in-law who keeps my in-laws daughter away. My in-laws have never actually come out and said that, but I've gotten a lot of snarky comments over the past 20 years. But I have my own children, and my own life, and we spend a very reasonable amount of time with my in-laws. But here's the thing. The only reason my in-laws are somewhat that way is because they've always lived through their children. I refuse to do that. I will never do that. My father had his own dreams, and hobbies, and interests and I always respected that, and we always got along well, minus some years he had some substance abuse problems. But my in-laws have zero hobbies or interest in anything other than what we're doing. We didn't invite them on vacation this year. But they had another opportunity to go on a FREE vacation and still did not take it. And I know it's because we weren't there. That's too much folks. I would bet $100 that a lot of the comments under this video, are people like my mother-in-law. The key to a great relationship with your children, is to live your own life. Celebrate your good times together, but leave everything else alone. I called my dad through good and bad time almost every single day just to hear his voice. If he didn't answer, that was fine. But I kind of loved the fact that he never expected it of me. He was far more worried that I was just doing well, and living a fun, fulfilling life.
There are two choices. Move on. Let it destroy your life. Choose wisely.
If you do choose to move on, never give up hope and praying for them.
I was in this situation for quite a while. The way we got out of it was we stopped talking Bible stuff with them. We went to loving them more, sending that out. We got away from all the anguish about it and relied on love and positivity. This sounds new agy, but wasn't because we weren't counting on it doing anything. It was about getting out of the way.
We all must handle our own situation in the way we believe is best and have peace about it.
When kid stop speaking with parents it must be a good reason. Never ever will 99%of kids eliminate parents from their life without a good reason. So before you come onto kids, please talk about what you did to them to behave like that.
I'm gen x. Growing up I never remember families having this problem. This seems be to a problem since the boomers became grandparents.
I think these folks have done a lot of self-examination. Many times it comes down to differences in religion, politics, or culture. Also, it is natural for young people to rebel. We live in a society where freedom and expression are highly rated, rather than responsibility and thoughtfulness.
I watched a show on estrangement recently and the host indicated that one in four families have an estranged family member. So you think that there are that many parents or other family members who did something to the estranger to cause this? How do you talk to someone who flat refuses to communicate, including not telling you what the problem is or how it can be corrected so the family can heal. You are making assumptions that are incorrect. Part of the problem is statements like yours. Kids don't have to take responsibility for their actions because people like yourself make excuses for them. I'm sure you don't want someone many years younger than you telling you how to behave and how to live your life. That is what many of these kids try to do. When the parent doesn't comply the child walks away. When you end up on the receiving end of alienation then I'm sure you will be singing a different tune.
Not quite. There is an epidemic of self indulgence and entitlement. I'm betting you are someone who has cruelly done this.
I've been thinking more about your post. There can be a lot of hidden dynamics in a family. One covert narcissist can wreck a child's life. Of especial note is that there is a very strong Christian culture in this country that has very little to do with the real God. Children growing up in that culture can see or feel the falsehood.
Great advice! Thank you!
Glad it was helpful! I hope other of our videos help as well.