"Trying to self improve in isolation." Broke my brain!!! Story of my life.

@pseudopuppy160

2 жыл бұрын

3yrs later.... I hope you’re doing well & have your village of positive supporters.

@mrfaizasian7925

2 жыл бұрын

going through it rn

@quadgod77

2 жыл бұрын

Oof me too

@happysoul_97

2 жыл бұрын

Damn, me right now

@mstwelvedeadlycyns

Жыл бұрын

Truth for me!

The reason why you wont change is because you think you dont deserve it💞. I've felt that way for 29 yrs. It is so hard to believe in yourself and truly do it and commit to it

@simplyredislandgirl

4 жыл бұрын

True!😔

@rol407

Жыл бұрын

But it's true. I don't deserve or capable of accepting and getting it

@carmenstana6688

Жыл бұрын

True, I am 29 and I feel the same 😔

@kaylalaguna21

8 ай бұрын

Im I’m the same position. I hope you believe in yourself now ✨

@shannonchambers9270

Ай бұрын

We got this guys! Including me too! We're gonna lift our heads up and we're gonna be the kings and queens that God made us all to be💪I don't care who doesn't like it! I'm here for it!🎉people can talk and be jealous allllll they want to but it's okay bc God sits High and He looks low! Only He knows and sees what's going on!✨🙏💯We're Royalty, y'all💜🔥💪✨👍💅💯

I don't think im not good enough, I just always think I could be doing more than im doing so I never feel like I deserve to be carefree/happy.

As a survivor of emotional abuse, I am so grateful that Mel Robbins is sharing her wisdom on this topic. I know that so many people need to hear this.

@hannahdavis7600

5 жыл бұрын

Yes allow your brain to recover and you deserve to be happy and focused best wishes.

@user-dl6zo6fb1w

3 ай бұрын

Exactly what I feel

She's telling the truth. A lot of it is our parents. Mine is or was.

@ah-ss7he

5 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately.

@vincejauron2779

5 жыл бұрын

You look like a adult. If you still live with your parents, get out. Then take responsibility of your own feelings. NOW!!!

@megaselfie6334

4 жыл бұрын

Same here, but it is time to change

@politereminder6284

4 жыл бұрын

Let's hope to do better with our kids, but let's not forget to honor them as parents or to take responsibility for our own future.

@TheCherryHomemaker

4 жыл бұрын

Mine started with my dad, he was emotionally abusive which sent me into a chain of abusive relationships trying to find someone who would show me the love he never did and because of the things he always said I never thought I deserved better thankfully at 30 I finally realised I was, found someone who shows me everyday that I am worth it and it changed my whole life.

5:03 "I don't think there's anybody in your life but you that's saying it." like WOAH

Fear of success is a real thing it's why many people myself included subconsciously or consciously self sabotage

Oh my God! This is me! I never seem to finish anything I start. My mum always said to me growing up and when I wanted to do something “you’ll never do that” or “ I can’t see you ever doing that” Now I’m so scared of failure I don’t try. I don’t want to prove my mother right. 😞😞

@Lysana7

6 жыл бұрын

You only fail if you don´t try. And if you try, you may make mistakes, but you´ll never fail... it´s just in our heads that we fail... because even if some business idea doesn´t work out, you´ll have learned so much from that experience and especially the mistakes, that it won´t be a mistake at all... at least you will have tried and I´m sure you won´t regret it in 1 year, or 5, or 10. Best of luck to you :)

@darshnarach8889

6 жыл бұрын

I so feel the same... this vid helped me though its a stepping stone

@Alejosales

6 жыл бұрын

This exactly. So scared of failure that I don’t even try. I already failed in my head.

@melodyxu4382

5 жыл бұрын

I had a similar experience growing up. There is a saying that "those that say you can't are scared that you will". This is your life. You are the one responsible for it. I realized that every time I worried if I was going to disappoint my parents, I was chained to their expectations. In order to break free, I had to start making my own decisions regardless of their opinions. There will be times where people won't be happy with your decisions, but the important thing is figuring out what you want and not letting those people's opinions hold you back from your dreams and goals.

@NQQ613

5 жыл бұрын

I experienced the same thing except I went the other way. it made me not try and prove my parents point of not being able to do it. I was also discouraged from many things because of my personality they just didn't believe I could do it. I was painfully shy as a child and even my teachers discouraged me the one time I volunteered to get involved. I was really upset but I didn't realise until recently I was just constantly told by others what I could and could not do and as a result at the age of 29 I feel like I never "grew up", I never went through the phase of exploring things and discovering my likes/ dislikes and who I am as a person.

Like Julia said in Pretty Women, the negative stuff is easier to believe.

@Secretlyanothername

4 жыл бұрын

Truth.

@Michelle77Va

4 жыл бұрын

Woman*

@chaztikov

4 жыл бұрын

finally i have a reason to watch pretty women

@NotTodaySatan557

3 жыл бұрын

omg this!! always have related to this line

@paganbornspiritbear8249

3 жыл бұрын

Sad but true.

“(Don’t) try to change in isolation.” ~ Mel Robbins. 🙌🏻

Self confidence begins with positive self talk! Thank you, Today, I take action!

This video spoke to me on a cellular level. Thank you for posting this.

@melrobbins

6 жыл бұрын

cellular! that's cool :) thanks for watching!

@haryanvijatt2672

3 жыл бұрын

@@melrobbins I was in a Abusive relationship for 5 years. It was emotional and mental abuse. 1.He was my childhood frnd ,we loved each other. 2.got committed after School when i was preparing for my Medical entrance exam. 3. I failed badly in exam coz i was too much distracted,he supported me....4. I tried again but could not make it....then He also started preparation for his job...5.then after he started ignoring me ,i got into depression and anxiety.... After getting job he finally said i am his friend only. I was shattered into pieces 😐....i was a brilliant student before and then after getting with him I become a failure and he became successful.. I also left him Now i have Self doubts, Regrets of wasting 5 precious years and my parents Money I feel ashamed and worthless.. But still trying to achieve my goals✌️

My father was and is verbally abusive. I am almost 50yrs old and I still believe I don't deserve good things and sabatage jobs, relationships ect. I just today started a new job. I am soooo afraid I am going to do or say something or not going to do something. I started last Monday and so far I have been on time except 1x because I got lost. I know I need to be on time and do the paperwork. Thank you for your advice. I Do Deserve a job, a nice place to live and healthy relationships!!!!!!!😘

@e.1766

4 жыл бұрын

You sound like a really awesome person, wish I knew you so we could talk abt your job anxieties. I have that too, have sabotaged lots of stuff too. But also have walked from really toxic situations bc I loved myself Enough to do That anyway. But then seemed like whatever I left behind was fine, & I was the one who got hurt; stay or go. Don't know what to say abt That exactly, but I know that there must be a job/relationship/hobby I can do/enjoy/succeed at w/o feeling inadequate, so I keep at it. I'm sure your job is working out great, you might even find something you like Better Thru your current job. I hope we can train ourselves out of the negative programming; it's hard, but why Not us too?!? Why Not!! :)))

@williamwagers1182

4 жыл бұрын

I'm the master of self sabatoge.

@rol407

Жыл бұрын

50? I'm so sorry. I myself just ask God to take me nothing changes and I don't want spend more decades in loneliness why put me on this earth to suffer. Someone more important could have taken my place instead me nobody here

Good advice! A decade of "Spinning in Place"

@ZenWaveCInema

6 жыл бұрын

Laura Laine me

@cassiewho8803

6 жыл бұрын

Same

@damirapevec6203

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah, and will continue to spin

True.. Mine was "You don't deserve to have anything that I don't have" I still struggle with it. I need physical evidence that I deserve it👐🏽

This makes perfect sense about my life. I wasn’t in a bad relationship, but I grew up with an alcoholic father and whenever he drank he would go on rants and lectures about my life and never felt good enough. I am almost 30 and I finally have come to these realizations about my thinking and past behaviors

@rol407

Жыл бұрын

I'm almost 30 too. Feels I'm still nobody a child in grown man body was alone still feel alone will forever just asking God to take me soon how many decades of wasting on this earth

@ruzicaremy6154

5 ай бұрын

@@rol407 i feel you, you are not alone. Find some people to support you! Best of luck!

@ruzicaremy6154

5 ай бұрын

Same here, alcoholic father and narcissistic Mother. So much emotional abuse throughout growing up years..

@rol407

5 ай бұрын

@@ruzicaremy6154 here alkoholic father and a woman beater brothers molesters school bullying other brother making me even more scared his way of helping me

@user-dl6zo6fb1w

3 ай бұрын

Same here and three abusive relationships 💔

I’m beginning to think you are psychic Mel. Once again you have talked about the exact thing I needed to hear this week. Although I don’t feel I was in any kind of abusive relationship at any time, I did live with parents who had high expectations of me, and I now know that my ‘thing’ is that I think I must have been a disappointment to them. They never told me that, it’s a story I made for myself and am still choosing to believe it. Thank you for bringing it to the fore this morning.

@shootinblanks007

6 жыл бұрын

Gail Armstrong I am in the same boat... As an adult I now understand why my dad was hard on me... unfortunately the residual effects of our difficulties linger in my adulthood... stay strong!!

@StacyRocklein

6 жыл бұрын

It's great you were able to get to the root of how that core belief was born! Try to work on forgiving yourself and forgiving them so you can move on and grow stronger :)

@gailarmstrong7967

6 жыл бұрын

Stacy Rocklein thank you! I have worked through the forgiving them phase, but now I think the disappointment is mine, and not theirs, I chose to shift it to them a long time ago. That’s where I’m stuck now. That’s what I need to work on. 😊

@melrobbins

6 жыл бұрын

So happy you had this moment of clarity. I promise your parents are not disappointed xo

@SuperMusicalPassion1

2 жыл бұрын

I have gone through this same thing

Yes i feel guilt about myself and I feel I dont deserve things.

@rol407

Жыл бұрын

Same I wish get some pills and sleep forever

Holy shit - 1 minute in and I already feel like she’s talking exactly about MY life!

Ok, Jordan Peterson is my father figure, and now you, dear madam, is my mother figure. It was a very clear and true message. Thank you a lot!

@jasenkavukelic5047

3 жыл бұрын

I love this and I agree!

my mother always told me that ever since i was born, there was no blessing in her house. I constantly hear those words in my head decades later. everytime i get close to things finally working out in life- i massively self sabotage to keep myself in a state of failure. Ive pushed myself to take action before- but eventually fall back into the same pattern. Im going to watch this video everytime I start going this way- this video is a godsend!

I experience trauma from previous work, my current relationship and still unable to overcome, I always know what to do but unable to do it. I have a job that I dream of but feel don't deserve to have it. My life is ruined because of my self sabotage. I need an action, consistent in a week for me to break this pattern of negative mind. No one will come and push me, I have to parent my self.

@tasyt1994

3 жыл бұрын

I know how you feel. It took me several years to get over a bad workplace environment. But in that space of time I wasted with negative thinking, the others got on with their lives not even realising or caring I imagine what their actions did to me. In the end you only sabotage yourself by not moving on and pursuing your goals. I read somewhere, "No one cares about you". Obviously people do in your life but not to the extent you can to do what you need to do to make change happen. So it is up to you. Don't let others define your everyday goals.

This CD is absolutely wonderful! kzread.infoUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq I liked it so much that I bought a copy for my sister who also liked it. It is very well done. I like the fact that there is nothing in the background to disturb - no music. I am able to concentrate on the various steps of meditation. The pauses are perfect, and him's voice is soothing and encouraging. I would highly recommend this, especially for beginners. I think I will always be a beginner.

At age of 44 i realize that all my life was based on insomnia and depression, panick attacks etc. I used to call this all as i am highly sensitive and emotional person and this is bullshit. I did not understand how to deal with my emotions, with the World. Now Mel Robins at this age is teaching me how to manage the life. I am single Mom now and feel like i am first class student at Mels Academy.

I'm actually crying watching this because it's so true. I am literally just a year away from my dream job that I've worked damn hard for 8 years to get to and STILL 13 years out of a mainly emotionally abusive relationship I'm projecting on myself what he projected onto me. I thought I was over it. Clearly I still have some work to do on my self esteem! I love these videos so much. Thank you ❤

When I was at the gym today I did this high knee marching exercise while lifting weights above my head. While I was doing the exercise I kept envisioning the weights I was lifting above my head were my life goals. It was interesting that all of a sudden the weights felt precious and my goals felt more achievable. I mean if my goals were those weights than my goals were not that far away and were achievable. Afterall they were right there over my head and I was the one holding them. Thank you for your insightful and inspiring videos.

@positivelight7906

4 жыл бұрын

Maria Christina thank you for reminding me of what I experienced and what I wrote. It’s so amazing the positive effect we can have in each other’s lives. Peace Maria thanks

@positivelight7906

4 жыл бұрын

Maria Christina thank you. I know you have what it takes as well. Onward and upward! Peace and love to you

@Feber2001

3 жыл бұрын

Good visioning.

I never thought about it like this before. I need to let go of the past.

Hi Mel, I really needed to listen to this. I went through extensive therapy to heal from a decade of emotional and physical abuse. In order to move forward with my life, I had to cut ties with toxic people. I realized that while I'm free from those people, I still deep down feel worthless a lot of the time because of the tapes that replay when I am not performing to my best of my abilities. Since I was a child, I was constantly told that I just didn't have the talent in math and science and was not good at anything. I used to believe those lies, but through therapy I finally understood how they deeply impeded my success. After some self reflection, I figured out that I want to get into digital marketing and want to learn more about apps. At first I dealt with a lot of self doubt. I thought, "nah I can't learn how to code. I was never good at math or science. It isn't realistic." However, I pushed through the fear and signed up for an online beginning coding class! In doing so, I showed myself that I believe I can learn this new skill! Thanks for all your videos. Your Ted X talk was really inspiring!

This literally brought tears...thank you Mel.

Omg. This connected. My childhood, I do to myself what I felt others were doing to me as a kid. Holy shit

@LivinGreat

5 жыл бұрын

Realizing old, unhelpful patterns are great, right? Now, you can make a good change.

It’s like this message was a pure godsend that happen to be in my feed at the same time I decided to look... crazy.

Thank you, Mel. And to your guest in the audience for being vulnerable, and sharing her story to help others see themselves in her place. I've got some work to do! ❤️

She is the sister i wish i had..

@komarbat23

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking parent 🙄

I grew up in an abusive home where I was told that I was stupid and unlovable it has crippled my life

Not always the WORDS people have said, but the way they treat you, like you can't do anything right or you don't have anything worthwhile to contribute. There are many ways to make a child (or adult) feel small. Even a well-meaning parent can screw with a kid's head by pressing too hard or by not letting them accomplish things for themselves. I wish I could take back about 5000 impatient "Here, just let me do it"'s.

"Only 2" abusive relationships, she says?! Damn...

Resonated 100%

@StacyRocklein

6 жыл бұрын

I agree!

Omg! All of this! 😭 really needed to watch this. Thank you

I don't think there is anyone else now who says your not worth it apart from you..... you know Mel, you're right xxx

I am literally in tears, this resonates so much with me, and it is really helping me through a hard time right now. thank you.

I had so many "ah ha" moments during this... Love this woman!

I got so emotional hearing this, this was extremely profound. Favorited this and need to listen to this over and over every day.

I honestly don't know where this feeling has come from. I had wonderful parents and a great family, but I honestly don't believe I deserve nice things. I have some really cute clothes, but I wear sweats almost every day because I'm scared of ruining the beautiful clothes I have. And I feel guilty for even buying the clothes in the first place. I rarely wear makeup because I try to save money.... if I don't wear it often then I don't have to spend money on it. My husband and I are in the process of renovating our house, and it's going so slow because I honestly don't feel like I deserve to live in a beautiful home. I feel guilty about the money we are spending. My dream is to be a writer, but I continuously sabotage my writing because I feel guilty for writing when I should be doing more productive things. I feel guilty every single day about almost everything I do, and I just feel like I don't do anything right. I find myself distracting myself with TV because it's the only thing that makes me feel not guilty.... however, when the TV goes off, all the guilty feelings are even worse because I wasted all that time and didn't get anything done. Ugh.... it's a horrible vicious cycle.

@Arkannah

4 жыл бұрын

I can totally relate, but in my case family is just half wonderful :).

@bunny_0288

4 жыл бұрын

@@Arkannah It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I'm really working on my guilt issues this year. I've started wearing at least minimal makeup every day and trying to wear my nice clothes at least sometimes. I've been doing Yoga With Adriene's 30 day Home series which has been awesome. I'm still struggling with writing/home I renovations, but I'm at least making progress, and I'm trying to stop guilty thoughts from taking over. I'm sorry your family is only half wonderful.

Thank you, Mel. I think for a long time I pushed away the idea of mental and emotional abuse. Particularly because it was a supervisor that was doing it and would do it in a weird way. He would create a narrative to point out that I couldn't do things based on how he thought he was better than me. This went on for 8 years. I mostly tried to keep my head down and just get my work done. But after all that time it exploded to the point were it was very clear that he never had any respect for me. Meantime, I respected him and I thought that because he was my supervisor that he knew better. I think it was mostly due to the work environment (scientific research and academia). I don't currently have a way to afford therapy. But it's videos like this that allow me to access resources to battle the self doubt and feeling of worthlessness that has been left residual of my experience. One of the things I regret the most is not standing up for myself and letting him bully me.

Thank you so much for this. I already changed a lot but i struggle with keeping myself positive and i do 10 things that i never thought i will do but just because 1 of them perhaps didnt do that well i got demotivated... Also i abuse myself. No one is saying anything bad about me but myself and that reflects to others. It's incredible how difficult can become sometimes!! As i said thank you so much! Saludos desde Argentina! (Salutations from arg.)

This is literally my case! Thank you very much

Preach, Mel! Preach and teach...love you!!

One of your best Mel! Thank you!

This was spot on for me! Love your 5 second rule audiobook. I listen to it everyday!

This touched me so deeply, it was jarring to be told that my behaviour patterns and incessant failure to meet expectations of my own (currently for university studying for my career as a visual artist) is because I'm deeply affected by the way my mother perceives me and my successes. She is SO dismissive of my achievements, I got my art accepted into an overseas published artist collaborated book and she didn't even bat an eye. I constantly feel UNDERWHELMED by all of the things I DO achieve so why should I ever continue to try? Obviously my work is not making considerable waves because my own mum fails to see my potential... and she's one big reason I'm even doing art, she's exposed me to it my whole life. I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship for most of my teenage years (my first boyfriend from age 16-20) my whole personality now has been formed around that partner I had and we recently broke up, I feel so empty and worthless. He called me selfish and a horrible person because I told him I couldn't spend time with him if I had homework. I was so caught up in his opinion of me that i never even got my work done in the end and he'd waste all of my time by mentally ruining me. And now I'm living alone, both my mother and my ex are largely separate from my life, but those sentiments and feelings I am so used to continue to weigh me down, and I cannot exercise self control and to even tell myself I deserve the time spent to work. Thank you so much. Now I know that it's not just me. I know that it's because of my situation and I am experiencing time of deep healing and it's going to be a process to pull myself out of it.

Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. 💖

This video came at such a good moment, seriously. Thank you Mel. x

LOVE THIS! I did not realize until I listened to this of my self doubt! I know how it started and how it keeps happening. I am always sorry and I shouldn't be. Thank you so much.. You make me think of new ways to do and say things and this is amazing! I guess I can say you have become a mentor for me... Much needed

Wow this is MUCH needed!! Thank you 🙏🏾

Thank you. In tears.

I haven’t even finished this video and you have no idea how much you are helping people... I’m so grateful I found this really changed my life...

OMG !!! Eye opening !!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU !!!!

Gold, this advice - every piece is GOLD!!

AMEN, THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!

Exactly what I needed to hear, right now. Thank you Mel.

This took me out of a really dark place Thank you sooo muuuch❤️

This seriously was SO freaking helpful. Holy crud. Thank you.

Thank you for this very powerful message.

Thank you for this Mel Robbins! I just had this phone call with a friend and know so many people who are crippled in their growth because of this. Game changer!!

Please never leave this planet! You are so amazing!

This hit home exactly what I’m going through

Great video as always, thank you x

I just found this channel yesterday suggested by KZread after watching a video from Jim Kwik and I'm so glad that it exists. I watched your TEdtalk some couple of months ago but I didn't know you owned a channel. Subscribed and keep on the excellent work it is helping me to change things.

It's so important the tone of the voice, the way you make empathy with people. Thank you!

You are just a discovery to me, I needed every word you said, thank you.

I’m so glad I found you Mel. Really sound advice. Hope you’re well in these times

Love how you explain this! I'm in major need of breaking these habits.

That was awesome Mel..it speaks to me so much..

Thankx so much Mel!!! Gr8 advice!!! I also self sabotage sometimes!!! Universe send me the right video at right time😊

Thank you Mel, you are a healing energy

Mel, you're amazing! Thank you for this!

Made me cry, it is amazingly true. Life changing video

This is so incredibly powerful and profound. This hits home so deeply

This is exactly why I’ve been stuck with not working out. Being told there is no progress for years was damaging and I’m ready to defeat that negative tape

Idk how I came across this but I really needed to hear this I love the delivery of the message thx u lots I'm now a subscriber looking forward to checking out your other videos

Such a powerful and crucial message! ❤

Excellent advice

Thank you, Mel. This session could have been me. You've got me thinking!

I'm glad I found this. Thank you very much.

Love your work sooo so much mel,thank you a ton😊

It really does relate a lot. To me it was all the “ what a disappointment ! I thought she was so intelligent but it was just a random happening” and being bullied cause I liked reading at school. Plus all the you will never be able to do that, I really don’t see you doing that, you don’t even know what it takes. All the pressure from the you could be doing more, lead to a constant fear of disappointing people and self sabotage, cause if people stop expecting so much from you then you won’t risk disappointing them.

Mel! Thank you so much - I really needed this reminder. 💗

Thanks Mel! You rock! I use your 5 second rule every day. I'm going to try this too. This made quite a bit of sense to me. Thanks so much! I'll keep you posted.

Thank you Mel. You're spot on once again!

I have been spinning wheels for a week. Since I read your book. 54321 move! Isay! And sometimes I really get going. But the big stuff? My big goals? Im paralyzed. And not liking myself. And then there you go Mel. You really, really gave me that aha! I got it answer today. The abuse is over I won't stand for it. But boy can I be mean to myself. Youve given me the realization that I dont have to stand for that either. I feel so fricking relieved right this minute I just had to tell you. Thank you Mel!

THANK YOU SO MUCH Mel for this information. It hit's the nail right on the head for where I find myself time and time again. It was such a vague thing that I couldn't describe - and you've nailed it. By the sound of it, many people have this running in their lives. I am so excited about doing (yes, actually 'doing') this first thing tomorrow - and finding my steps forward out of the merry-go-round of monotony... and yes, from an abusive relationship that I found the strength to leave behind 25 years longer than I should have done. THANK YOU SO MUCH, AGAIN! :)

Thank You Mel. You have no idea how much you've helped me overcome one of my many personal issues.

Oh my God! Mel this is so spot on with me! Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency oh God! I am tearing up

So powerful! Hit me today in the nicest possible way. In tears. Revelation! Thank you.

That really hit home with me,, thank you

You're awesome Mel thanks for the straight to the point no B.S. and no pretending. ❤

Thanks for the video Mel! Please keep it up.

Nodding my head, yes. Thanks for this video!

Thank you so much. I've spent most of my life so far trying to understand why I don't move forward!

Love you Mel! Thank you!